


keep in the dark (to stay out of the light)

by howlingshame



Series: The Ocean Where I Unravel [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (minor. nothing crazy), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Basically Hux Is An Ass, Basically Kylo Has a Very Bad Time, Body Modification, Brainwashing, Cages, Captivity, Collars, Conditioning, Emotional Manipulation, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gags, I Really Mean It On That One, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Sexual Bondage, Ownership, Phasma Being Cool as Hell and Horribly Underutilized, Piercings, Punishment, Sensory Deprivation, Serious Slow Burn, Slow Burn, Smuggler Kylo Ren, Snoke Being a Fucking Grade A Creep, Spanking, Stockholm Syndrome, Whipping, so just canon I guess, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2020-10-21 06:23:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 36
Words: 247,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20688956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingshame/pseuds/howlingshame
Summary: Modern AU. Smuggler Kylo Ren runs afoul of Armitage Hux, head of the First Order crime ring. Instead of killing him outright, Hux decides to keep him for his own instead. Kylo is none too thrilled with the situation, but Hux has plenty of patience. He wants Kylo to behisin every sense of the word, and they've got all the time in the world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so some notes here at the beginning.  
1\. Disclaimer that I don't approve of any of this behavior in real life, obviously yada yada. I am certainly not trying to romanticize abuse. This is meant as psychological horror. But this is fiction, and we're all huge creeps who clicked on the story, so let's get on with it.  
2\. There will be no non-con in the story, but there are inherent consent issues in the situation, so if this makes you uncomfortable you might want to sit this one out. Read the tags first, be responsible for your own mental health.  
3\. By slow burn, I mean Slow Burn. If you're here for sex, this isn't going to deliver much (barely any, in fact), but if you're here for psychological pressure and general creepiness, welcome. Glad to have you.  
4\. This was mostly written because I'm frustrated by a lot of Stockholm Syndrome stories where they're nominally captor/captive but actually in love and it gets all sappy and shit. This isn't that kind of story. It will be creepy/unhealthy all the way through. I was going for more realistic Stockholm syndrome, where Kylo's developing feelings for Hux are genuinely a reaction to stress, not cutesy Stockholm Syndrome where they actually love each other deep down. Hux is manipulative and fully aware of what he's doing.  
5\. All that being said, if we are all on the same page here, hope you enjoy. I've got 95% of this finished already. I'll be updating once or twice a week.

The week went from bad to worse before Kylo Ren could even blink. He had a whole series of deliveries to make that normally would have been a two-person job. Unfortunately for him, his partner Rey had been distracted all week with family issues, which left him holding the bag. Boxes. Unregistered van with crates full of illegal weapons he was smuggling for his mom and erstwhile uncle/mentor Luke. Whatever.

And honestly, he thought he had a pretty good handle on the situation until he met up with his field liaison, Poe Dameron, who told him exactly who it was he’d be ‘_lifting_’ (Poe’s word, not his) the weapons from this time. First Order.

While Kylo could fool himself into thinking that the Resistance (his mom’s and Luke’s brainchild) was nominally doing good, First Order was a whole other beast. An international crime ring involved in weapons smuggling, drugs, human trafficking. Worse. They were bad news, and he told Poe so.

“I’m at least not doing this without backup. I could get fucking shot on a job like this. I’m waiting for Rey to be available.” Kylo protested.

Poe shrugged, chewing the fuck out of a toothpick and looking so remarkably unconcerned with the situation Kylo wanted to slam a car door on his fingers. He wasn’t the one putting his ass on the line. “Sorry, has to be done this week.”

Kylo groaned. “How about Finn? He’s good in a pinch.”

Poe snorted. “Busy.” Which they both knew wasn’t true. Finn and Kylo were both pretty close with Rey, but they couldn’t stand each other’s guts. Finn wouldn’t help put out Kylo if he were on fire in the middle of the ocean.

Kylo groaned and grumbled, but eventually he conceded there was no other way. He was going to have to do this on his own.

In theory, it wasn’t hard. He’d done more complicated jobs with Rey at his side. It wasn’t the complexity of this job, but the potential consequences if he got it wrong.

And wrong it went, almost immediately. Kylo was on the docks spying on a group of First Order guys loading crates of stolen merchandise into shipping containers. He must have gotten a little too close, because next thing he knew, there was a pistol against the back of his head. Kylo raised his hands slowly, and was disarmed. The faceless man marched him inside their headquarters.

To begin with, Kylo wasn’t too worried. This wasn’t the first time he had been captured (albeit not by First Order), and it had never been for more than a few hours. Usually, the guys who were holding him made a stupid mistake, or Rey burst in at the last second and saved his ass.

This time, however, Rey had no idea where he was (not to mention Poe and Leia and Luke, and even Finn, God bless him), and these guys were no slouches. They didn’t give Kylo any opportunity to get one up on them. There was much discussion between the men over what to do with him. Unfortunately, they recognized him as Leia Organa’s son, and had many discussions on how they could use that to their advantage. They ultimately decided some light torture to figure out how much he knew was the best way to proceed.

They started with simple beatings and moved onto some waterboarding. By the end of five days, Kylo was mentally and physically exhausted. He braced himself when, on the sixth morning, they dragged him out onto the main floor, bound and gagged, and put a gun against his head, this time with intent to kill. Heart hammering, Kylo closed his eyes. He was so young, he still had so much left to do. Rey was going to kill him. This was a shitty way to go out. Better dying in a rain of bullets.

Holding his breath for the safety to click off, an unfamiliar set of footsteps entered the room. Kylo opened his eyes to see another man he didn’t recognize stride in. He was tall and red-haired, with the wiry strength and steely gaze that made him look like a general. He was wearing a dark dress shirt and a blazer, and he was unarmed. He looked like the confident heir to old money.

“Good morning, gentlemen. I was hoping I’d find you before you had everything all squared away. I know I don’t normally come down in person, but I was in the neighborhood.” The new man said with a smile.

The leader, the man holding a gun to Kylo’s head, pulled it away momentarily. He didn’t seem that pleased to see the new man. “We weren’t expecting you, sir. We’re just dealing with some garbage before we get out of here.”

The new man looked down at Kylo appraisingly. He didn’t seem surprised to see him. “Yes, the Organa boy. That’s another reason why I came down here.”

The leader squinted. “For what?”

“I’m sure you and your men are anxious to get back to what you do best. I personally would like to move on to other ventures. This location is far too exposed. Phasma could use you men in a capacity much more fruitful than sitting around with a hostage in a warehouse.” The new man said. He had the confidence of someone who already knew the other person was going to say yes.

The leader glanced at his other men, relaxed a little. “We’d love to get out of here, Mr. Hux. We’ve been kicking our heels around here. What did you come down here for, though?”

Kylo’s blood turned cold. _Hux_. Armitage Hux. The leader of the First Order. Oh, he was so fucked.

“We can wrap this all up today, don’t worry. My request is very simple. I want him.” He jerked his chin toward Kylo.

Kylo jumped a little. He had been eyeing the guns of the men and the door, wondering if he had any chance of rushing one of them and hightailing it out of there. There were too many of them.

The leader frowned. “Him? What for? We were gonna kill him right here. He’s seen our faces. Don’t know what use you’d get out of him. Word is him and Organa are estranged.”

“I don’t plan on letting him go. Don’t worry about him going to the police and identifying you.” Hux said mildly, his hands in his pockets, like this was all a formality.

The leader peered at him. “You gonna torture him or something? He do something to you?”

The faintest hint of irritation crossed Hux’s face. “That’s none of your business. Let’s just say he won’t be a problem for you anymore, and you can get on your way this afternoon.”

The leader bit his lip. “Hell, alright. It’s nothing to me, I was going to shoot him if you hadn’t come in. Whatever you need, sir.”

Kylo huffed as best he could around the gag. He didn’t really appreciate being shuttled around like cattle, but he also thought he would have a better chance against one guy as opposed to eight. That turned out to be his first mistake.

The leader and Hux shook hands. Hux turned to one of the other men. “Load him into my trunk, please. It’s right out front. And tie his feet too.”

Two men grabbed Kylo’s arms and hauled him to his feet. Kylo growled and dug his heels in. He’d gotten a second wind now that he wasn’t going to be shot right then and there He tried to throw his weight to knock them off, but they were implacable, dragging him forward toward the waiting car. Kylo craned his neck back to watch Hux and the leader disappear into a back room to discuss the rest of business. Before Hux stepped in, he looked over at Kylo and smiled. It wasn’t a smile Kylo liked one bit. He doubled his efforts to get away.

The two men pulled Kylo up to an expensive black town car waiting out front. They popped the trunk and pushed Kylo in. He tried to resist but lost his balance. His hands were already tied tight behind his back with rope, but they tied his feet together and slammed the trunk shut, plunging Kylo into darkness.

In frustration, he kicked the other end of the trunk and listened to their footsteps walking away. He shimmied his body around, trying to reach for some kind of a release catch, but there was nothing, and his fingers were too numb to be able to operate it anyway if he found anything.

After twenty minutes, Kylo heard the measured footsteps of Hux coming up to the car. They paused outside the trunk, and Kylo waited for him to open it, but instead, his footsteps went around to the front. The engine started, and after a moment, the car pulled off.

Kylo lay helpless in the back as this man took him off to parts unknown.

* * *

Armitage Hux was pleased. He’d spent much of this past week trying to sort out this whole mess. His men were stuck with a few shipments of weapons they couldn’t move because the police were sniffing about the place. It had only gotten worse when he’d heard Leia Organa and her damn Resistance was sniffing around the place. When he’d received the call that they’d captured Ben Organa, or Kylo Ren as he was going by these days, he’d been very angry, but once he calmed down, he realized how this situation could benefit him.

Now that everything was all sorted out, he could move on to other pursuits. He also found himself looking forward to breaking in the Organa boy.

Hux drove for a few hours inland, stopping once for gas. There was some light pounding coming from the trunk, but there wasn’t anyone around to notice. Hux breathed in the fresh air and stretched. At long last, an hour and a half after driving through the nearest town, Hux pulled down the long driveway to his country estate.

He owned a comfortably large house on two hundred acres of land. The house was curled with ivy and surrounded by fields of overgrown grass and flowers. Hux pulled up to his driveway and shut the car off. Kylo was silent in the trunk, perhaps having run out of steam.

After making sure things were ready in the house, Hux walked around to the trunk and opened it. A very dazed-looking Kylo Ren met his gaze, normally unruly hair even worse after the previous week. Hux didn’t give him a chance to gather his bearings. He grabbed for Kylo’s feet, anticipating the kick coming his way. Kylo was weak and he didn’t have any leverage, so it didn’t make a dent.

Hux yanked Ren out of the trunk where he crashed onto the ground, one cheek crushed into the gravel. Hux pulled the knife out of his pocket and sliced through Kylo’s ankle bindings, wrapping an iron grip around one arm and yanking him to his feet.

Hux began marching Kylo toward the house, while Kylo tried everything in his power to stop him. He tried kicking and dropping his weight, but Hux was pleased to see he easily had strength on Kylo. A fair fight between them would be no competition. After Hux’s march wasn’t slowed at all, Kylo threw his head and growled deep in the back of his throat, just about the only sound he could make around the gag. His eyes were wild; he fought Hux every step of the way.

Hux got him into the house and through the back to the stairs down into the basement. It was a little difficult to get him down the stairs, but they emerged into the finished yet still bare basement. There was a second room toward the back, but in here there were only support beams, a half-bathroom, a metal basin sink, and a small cage on the floor.

Kylo’s eyes widened, and he balked at the sight. Hux was implacable. He forced him towards the cage, kicking the backs of his knees to get him down so he could push him into it. Hux closed the door and locked it with a small padlock. By the time he did this, Kylo had gotten his balance back, turned around and kicked the cage door savagely.

The cage didn’t leave him much room to move around. He couldn’t get higher than a crouch, and he had to sit with his knees up to fit. The awkwardness of leaning against something with bound hands had occurred to him, and he adjusted as best he could.

Kylo’s eyes tracked Hux around the room. Right now, he was furious and bewildered, with little fear showing. Hux would take that for now. He could get the fear to show in smaller ways later on. He took a moment with his hands on his hips to contemplate his guest, a small smile gracing his face.

“I have quite a bit of work to get done now. I’ll come check on you later.” Hux said, enjoying the way Kylo’s nostrils flared in anger as he turned away. Another barefoot kick to the cage door followed him up the stairs.

He really did have quite a bit of work to get done. He had to make some phone calls, get some pieces moving, and set up all the necessary amenities to get the house in working order. He stopped for a shower and dinner, settling back to get a few chapters of his book read.

By the time he was done taking care of business and relaxing a bit, it was late evening. Hux descended the basement stairs again to find Kylo.

Kylo was leaned up against the side of the cage, his head at an awkward angle. He looked up at Hux with tired eyes. He made an effort to summon up his irreverent anger again, but Hux could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“Good evening,” Hux said mildly, descending the stairs in no great hurry. He was carrying a glass, which he filled up at the sink. He pretended not to notice the desperate way Kylo’s eyes tracked the water as he walked back over to the cage, although he was pleased. Kylo had gone one full day at least, if not more, without water. He had been kicked around, stuffed into a trunk for hours, and had a gag shoved into his mouth. He had to be parched. Hux could tell more about Kylo’s state of mind from his attention to the water glass than anything he could say. He wanted the water.

Hux pulled up a low stool and set it in front of the cage. He sat, placing the glass next to him on the ground. Kylo stared at it, then, perhaps realizing how desperate he seemed, looked back at Hux. However, his eyes slid back to the water. Once. Twice. Three times.

Hux pulled the key to the padlock out of his pocket. “Well, I think it’s about high time we get to know each other. It’s been such a busy day, I haven’t been able to give you the attention I would have liked.”

He leaned forward, then looked down at the way Kylo was sitting, legs stretched out in front of him as much as possible, which wasn’t very far. Time to test the waters. See what he was working with here.

“I have noticed that you are a kicker, and I would prefer not to get kicked. Sit with your feet underneath you. Like you’re kneeling.” Hux ordered.

Kylo stared at him, wary. His nostrils flared, and Hux was sure if the gag wasn’t in his mouth, he would have something clever to say about it. Of course, Hux wasn’t really worried about being kicked. What he really wanted to see was if Kylo was capable of simple obedience. From his research, he knew Kylo’s stubborn streak ran a mile wide, but these two things weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.

Kylo glared at him silently, but Hux didn’t move an inch, simply waited patiently. The lesson was unspoken but clear. If Kylo wanted to receive a reward, he would have to follow instructions. Kylo’s eyes flicked back to the water before he finally did what he was told.

Cheeks turning red with effort, Kylo shimmied himself up and got his feet under him, kneeling on the cage floor. All of a sudden, he seemed unwilling to meet Hux’s eyes.

“Good boy,” Hux said softly.

Kylo startled a little, and his eyes flew up to stare at Hux.

Hux fit the key in the padlock and opened the cage door. He was not immediately rushed by Kylo, perhaps because he recognized the futility of the rebellion. He made his movements deliberately slow and unhurried.

Finally, he reached towards Kylo like he was soothing a skittish animal. Kylo flinched back but there was nowhere to go.

“Turn your head around.” Hux said.

This one wasn’t hard. Kylo wanted the gag out. Hux worked his fingers into the knot. It was yanked tight, and it took a bit of working to get it loosened. He untied the rag and Kylo turned back around. Hux pulled the rag stuffed in Kylo’s mouth out slowly. Kylo shuttered his eyes and moaned in relief. He worked his jaw around, trying to alleviate the stiffness that had settled in. He tried clearing his throat a few times, but his mouth was too dry, and he exploded in a coughing fit. By the time he had it back under control, his eyes were watering.

Hux observed all of this calmly. “There. Isn’t that better?”

Kylo looked back at him again, glaring. “I’d be better with some of that water.” He croaked, his voice cracked.

Hux half-smiled, leaning back on the footstool. “If you behave for our chat.”

Kylo’s jaw worked again, this time in anger. He licked his dry lips. The questions exploded out of him. “Fine. I’ve got a few fucking questions. I know who you are. First Order scumbag. If you think I’m going to be intimidated by that, think again. And where the hell are we? What do you want with me?”

“First of all, let’s get a few things straight. I am not a faceless First Order ‘scumbag’. My name is Armitage Hux. I prefer to think of myself as a businessman. A successful one. I am frankly surprised you know my name. I like my privacy. Speaking of which, as for where we are, this is my home. I have apartments in a few major cities just to make things easier, but this is where I truly rest my head.” Hux said.

Kylo pretended to be unaffected by this speech, although Hux didn’t miss the slight tensing around the eyes when he spoke his name. “What do you have against me? I didn’t even steal anything from you. I was just in the neighborhood. Did I get somebody you love hurt or arrested or something? Are you going to kill me?”

Hux was very interested in how unconcerned Kylo seemed about the prospect of being killed. Death didn’t scare him. He’d file that away for later. “No, nothing like that. I don’t have anything against you personally.”

Kylo frowned. “Then what? You gonna torture and then kill me? Because I’ve been down that road before, pal, and let me tell you, you can’t do anything to me that’s worse than what’s already been done.”

Hux laughed. “I appreciate the bravado, but I’ve done my research on you, _Ben_. You like to run with a dangerous crowd, but you’ll never be anything more than a momma’s boy. You’ve never been tortured before.”

“_Don’t call me that_,” Kylo muttered. His eyes grew wary. “Is this about my mom?”

“No.”

Kylo stared at him like he was trying to figure him out. He hadn’t realized before how much Hux knew about him. Hux watched him pretend like this didn’t affect him. “You didn’t answer the question.” He said.

“No, I am not going to torture you.” Hux said.

Kylo shook his head, running out of ideas. “What, are you expecting to _ransom_ me? Because I live in a shitty trailer and eat microwave pizzas. Leia couldn’t care less about me if I dropped dead, I bet.”

Hux seriously doubted that, but enjoyed watching him dangle. “No, I have plenty of money. I don’t need to ransom anyone. I have no interest in Leia Organa, her scruffy husband, or the entire damned Resistance.”

Kylo peered at him. “Then what? I don’t understand.”

Hux let him sit a bit before answering. “I am a very successful man, but that doesn’t stave off loneliness, I’m afraid. I’ve tried the conventional means, was even engaged once, but it didn’t work out. Sometimes, I become too engrossed in my work to truly commit the time to the other person’s satisfaction. It doesn’t leave much room for friends or otherwise. I’ve been thinking lately that it might work out better if it was an arrangement more suited to my needs.”

Kylo had blanched, stared at him. Uncertainty and wariness had pushed away the false bravado from earlier. “I – I don’t understand. What-”

Hux interrupted him. “My subordinates called me when they found you lurking around their headquarters. They knew who you were, and wanted to know if they should kill you. I initially told them to do whatever they wished with you. But then, say my curiosity was piqued, so I did a bit of research on you, Kylo. I must say, I was a little intrigued. You seem to have no regard yourself in any capacity. You squander personal relationships and destroy property with abandon. You seem to be completely out of bounds, and that… interested me. When they called back and told me they were going to kill you and dump the body in a landfill, it just seemed like such a _waste_. So you have me to thank for saving your life.”

Kylo was staring at him, mouth open. “Is this a fucking _joke_?”

“No. I rarely joke, that’s something you’ll find out about me.” Hux said.

“But you – It’s just – I don’t appreciate mind games, okay? If you’re going to kill me, just kill me. I’m sick of this bullshit.” Kylo rocked forward on his knees. Hux imagined if his hands were untied, he might have gone for his neck.

“I’m being completely straight with you. I thought it would be helpful for you to know right off the bat what I’m looking for.” Hux said.

Kylo was working himself up. His cheeks were growing red and his eyes wild. “So, what you’re saying is, you want to keep me, as, as, as what? Like a fucking _pet_?” He spat the word out in disgust.

Hux’s lips thinned. “If you choose to use such a derogative term. I prefer to think of it as a companionship.”

Kylo barked a desperate-sounding laugh devoid of any humor. “This is crazy. I don’t _believe_ this.”

“Like I said, Ben. You interest me. I didn’t want you to go to waste when I could get some use out of you. I can help you curb some of those destructive impulses.” Hux said. He was sitting with his ankle over the knee, the picture of ease.

Kylo scoffed. “Oh, well, thanks, but I think I had my life well under control, I really don’t need anything from you. And stop fucking _calling me that_!”

Hux smiled thinly. “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m afraid you don’t have much choice in the matter.”

Kylo stared at him in desperation. “You _can’t_.” His voice broke on the last word.

Hux shrugged. “I am, aren’t I?”

Hux was frankly surprised that this hadn’t come earlier. Kylo lost any slight composure he’d had and barreled right for Hux. Without the use of his hands, it wasn’t much of a threat. He was hampered by the cage and the restraints. Hux was sure that Kylo wasn’t thinking it through, he just needed to go on the offensive.

Calmly and deliberately, Hux picked up the glass of water he had next to him and upended it on the floor.

“No!” Kylo cried, brought to a halt in surprise. He stared down at the wasted water in shock.

“I said you could have it if you behaved. You didn’t listen.” Hux said, standing up. Kylo was half-out of the cage, staring. “Now, we still have a lot to do tonight, so we might as well get started. I don’t have time to deal with your bratty behavior.”

Kylo shook himself back into the moment. He glared up at Hux with a pure look of loathing. “Fuck you!”

“Oh, I don’t have time to deal with that now, but the language is going to become an issue. Come on, let’s go.” Hux said, leaning down with one hand wrapping tight around Kylo’s arm and the other fisted into his hair. He dragged Kylo to his feet. Kylo cried out, surprised by his sudden movement.

Hux dragged him toward the wall, where there was a showerhead and a drain set into the floor. “I’ve got to get you cleaned up. You smell awful, I suppose you haven’t bathed in a week.” Hux said. Without warning, he sliced the rope around Kylo’s wrists and they fell to his sides. Hux took advantage of his initial surprise and the numbness in his arms to grab the hem of his t-shirt and pull it over his head. Kylo yelped in surprise.

Kylo stumbled, but didn’t waste his opportunity. He tried to punch Hux, managing to graze him a little. What followed was a short but furious fight. Kylo spat and hissed like a wild animal, elbowing him in the chest and stomping on his toes.

Unfortunately for him, Hux had the muscle mass advantage. Hux shoved him backward into the wall with surprising force. Kylo’s head snapped back against the tile, and he was dazed. Hux used this to grab his wrists and pull them above his head where he locked them into shackles on an iron ring in the wall.

Before he knew what was happening, Hux had yanked his jeans and underpants down around his knees. Kylo tried kicking him, but Hux just used this opportunity to get the pants all the way off.

Kylo screamed in frustration, yanking futilely at the shackles. He turned into the wall, shivering. A wave of gooseflesh went over him. Hux saw the marks left on Kylo by the other men, and he felt a hot rush of possessiveness run through his stomach.

Kylo was peering over his shoulder at him, and there, finally, was the fear he had been looking for. “Don’t you fucking come near me!” He croaked.

Hux had turned away already. This was strictly practical.

While Hux busied himself, Kylo looked up at the showerhead and seemed to realize something. He could just open his mouth while the shower was on and get plenty of water. Hux knew that’s what he was thinking. He turned back around with a strip of duct tape and before Kylo could protest taped his mouth shut.

Without further ado, Hux turned the shower on. The water pressure was excellent, and the water pounded away dirt and grime that had accumulated over the week. Kylo tried rubbing his chin on his shoulder, trying to get the tape off, but it didn’t work.

“Stop that.” Hux snapped at him. He shampooed Kylo’s hair quickly and judiciously, pulling tight when Kylo tried to shimmy away.

Hux rinsed his hair, washing his face with a cloth while he was at it. Kylo scrunched his eyes closed and grunted.

Hux turned away briefly and Kylo tried jumping up so he could rip off the tape on his mouth. He tried twice, but couldn’t get high enough. Hux felt a rush of irritation. He hit Kylo once, hard. Kylo’s head snapped to the side, and he finally stilled. A noise that could have been a sob was stuck in his throat.

Hux frowned. “I said, stop that. You are making me very angry. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

Kylo peered back over his shoulder, body still turned away. There was a panic in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

Hux continued with the soap. Every muscle in Kylo’s body was tensed, and he kept flinching whenever Hux got close. He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact, his gaze pointed firmly at the ground.

Hux figured it was best to get this done as quickly as possible. He finished washing him, not lingering anywhere. He truly didn’t want to do anything but get him cleaned up. He got a hose and rinsed him off before turning the water off. Water gurgled and dripped down the drain.

Throughout all of this, Kylo stood there frozen like a bedraggled dog, shivering a little. Hux put everything away, and then came back with the key to the shackles. He unlocked them, and Kylo’s hands fell to his side. He rocked back against the wall, not even bothering to rip the tape off his mouth. He was dazed, having burnt off all his energy in the fight. Hux pulled the tape off his mouth for him. Kylo didn’t say anything.

Hux reached out and handed Kylo a towel. He had to press it into his hands.

“Dry yourself off.” Hux ordered gently. Kylo was biting the inside of his cheek, and Hux wondered if he was trying to keep from crying.

Kylo did as he was told, drying himself off and then holding onto the towel like it was a lifeline. His wrists were red where he’d dug into the rope and shackles.

Hux pulled the towel away from him and laid a firm grip on his arms, steering him back toward the cage. For the moment, Kylo was completely quiescent, letting him move him around like a doll. Hux thought he was probably just in shock.

Hux pushed down on Kylo’s shoulders and pushed him into the cage, locking the door again with the padlock. Kylo huddled into the corner, wrapping his arms around his waist in a defensive posture. He still didn’t look up. Hux wondered if he was even aware that he was here.

Hux moved the footstool back to the corner of the room, but left the empty water glass lying on the floor just out of reach of the bars. It couldn’t hurt to leave Kylo a reminder of the consequences of disobedience.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow, but I think I’ve given you quite a bit to think about. Good night, Kylo.” Hux said, looking down into the cage.

The only signal that Kylo had heard him was that he tightened his arms and hunched down.

Hux let it be for now. He had already pushed things quite a bit tonight. He was pleased to see Kylo reacting to some early orders, and knew he’d only refine the conditioning. He let Kylo be, walking back up the stairs and turning out the light.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo watched the sun come up through the tiny window set into the basement wall. He hadn’t gotten much sleep; his eyes were scratchy and irritable. Every muscle in his body was tense, and as hard as he tried, he couldn’t get himself to relax. Part of it was the cool temperature and his lack of clothes, part of it was the fact that the cage was so small; whichever position he put himself in, he could feel the bars digging into his back or legs. He was hungry, but this hunger was overshadowed by his growing thirst. His throat was so dry it hurt to swallow. It even hurt to breathe through his nose. He stared balefully at the empty glass lying on the ground.

More than anything else, he was angry with himself for freezing up last night. He liked to think of himself as unshakeable. He should have given as good as he got to that creep, but he had shut down. He had an opportunity to run, and he cursed himself for not taking it.

Kylo ran it over and over again in his head. He didn’t know why he hadn’t. With his hands shackled like that, he had just felt so vulnerable that it had been hard to think of anything except the fear rushing icy through his veins. He shouldn’t be affected this way. Kylo had faced any number of dangerous people, and he had never frozen up like that. He resolved himself to stay alert and seize any chance at escape.

There was the distant sound of a shower in another area of the house and footsteps walking back and forth. The clatter of kitchen noises was all that could be heard for a while.

After a long wait, Hux came back downstairs. He was wearing an open-collar dress shirt and charcoal pants, and looked impeccable. He was carrying a bundle of clothes and a plate of food, which he placed on the worktable.

Aiming a small smile that Kylo was coming to despise his way, he picked up the empty glass and refilled it at the sink before putting it next to the clothes and food.

Kylo watched all of this in silence. He hunched in defensively, uncomfortably aware of being naked. He wished wildly that Hux had let him keep the towel at least.

Hux placed the footstool in the middle of the room again, but stayed standing. He regarded Kylo with a critical eye. Kylo hugged his arms tighter around himself. He knew that he looked scared and defensive, but hell, that’s what he was. So sue him.

“Well, it’s a brand new day. Can we start over at least?” Hux asked, tone kind. Kylo hated it.

Kylo was going to come back with a sharp retort, but his stomach roiled and acid burned his throat. He couldn’t say anything.

Hux waited, raising one eyebrow. “Hmm? I know that you’re thirsty and cold. All you have to do to make that better is to keep a civil tongue in your head and cooperate a little. How does that sound?”

Kylo licked his parched lips. He realized that he was shivering a little. His eyes slid over to the glass of water. He was so thirsty he felt like his entire field of vision had shrunk down to just the water. He desperately wanted it.

He looked back up at Hux. He nodded.

Hux smiled then, looking genuine. “Good, good.” A strange mixture of feelings went over Kylo that he didn’t begin to know how to analyze.

Hux unlocked the cage door and pulled it open. He pointed at the footstool he’d set up. “Sit.”

Kylo inched toward the door of the cage. His eyes slid of their own volition towards the stairwell leading upstairs. He froze on the threshold, torn between obeying and bolting for the door. He had promised himself he would seize any opportunity to escape, but he was so goddamn thirsty he thought his head would burst.

Hux watched him calmly, seeming to know exactly what he was thinking. “I wouldn’t recommend it. Do you want to go two days down here without any water or clothes? Or how about three? Don’t test me, Ben.”

Kylo stared up at Hux, feeling a choking mix of hatred and desperation. His heart was pounding and every muscle was telling him to run.

He sat.

Kylo brought his feet up to rest on the support bar and hunched down to cover himself as much as possible. He was still aware of Hux’s gaze on him.

Hux was smiling again. He didn’t make any attempt to come any closer, for which Kylo was extremely grateful. “There, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

His patronizing tone sparked anger in Kylo again, and he let it. It was better than feeling scared. He looked back at Hux and let fly the question that had been buzzing around his mind all night. “So you’re gonna fuck me then? Is that what this is all about?” He was hoping the question would sound indignant, furious even. His cracked voice and body posture undercut any authority he hoped to bring, betraying exactly how unnerved the idea made him.

Hux stopped smiling. “No. I have no intention of taking you by force. That’s not who I am, and that’s not what I want from you.”

Kylo felt a wave of relief rush over him, but the tension came back almost immediately. He wasn’t entirely convinced, and didn’t quite like the conditional phrasing Hux had used. He was going to question him further, but Hux seemed almost offended by the question. His lips were downturned, and he watched Kylo waiting for a response.

“…Okay.” Kylo forced out. He still didn’t want Hux anywhere near him, but he didn’t want to make Hux angry enough to lock him back in the cage without water again.

Hux’s face relaxed. “I have quite a few errands to run today, so I’m afraid I have to leave you soon, but I thought it would be good for us to start off on a better foot than yesterday. Is there anything you’d like to say to me?”

_Oh, there are a few things_, thought Kylo. “Like what?” He said, trying and not quite succeeding to keep the hostility out of his voice.

Hux gave him an exasperated look like he was a misbehaving kid. “I think you owe me an apology for your behavior last night.”

Kylo didn’t even try to hide the flicker of hatred that crossed his face. He spoke before his brain could tell him it was a bad idea. “Sorry, but forgive me if I’m not that broken up about pissing off the guy who’s holding me prisoner.”

Hux’s brow grew cloudy, and he stepped forward. Kylo immediately pressed his lips together and huddled down a little more. Hux pressed two fingers under Kylo’s chin to push his head up. Kylo jumped and tried to pull away, but Hux grabbed his chin, fingers digging in. He squeezed painfully until Kylo looked him in the eyes.

Kylo screamed at himself to do something, to fight back, but he still felt far too vulnerable. Hux had every advantage here, and he had nothing.

“I have a great deal of patience, Ben. I am willing to give you a bit of leeway. I know you’re under a great deal of stress, and that you’re having trouble adjusting to your new situation, but I will. Not. Tolerate. Disrespect. Do you understand?” He shook Kylo. “_Well_?”

Kylo stared at him with wide eyes. He nodded. Hux didn’t let go. Kylo swallowed with difficulty, dry throat clicking from nerves. “Yes.” He said quietly.

Hux dropped his painful grip and Kylo dropped his eyes again, relieved that Hux wasn’t touching him. Hux didn’t step back. He was still waiting.

Kylo seethed. His fear and anger were battling each other. He clenched his fists and dug his fingernails into his palms to stay calm.

When Kylo didn’t say anything else, Hux sighed. “I don’t know why you insist on making this so difficult. I don’t have all day. If you don’t have anything to say, then I suppose you can stay down here and think about it.”

Hux reached down to grab his arm and force him back into the cage, but Kylo flinched back so hard he scooted the stool a few inches. “_No, wait_.”

Hux waited. It took an almost physical effort to force down the revulsion and shame that tried to tell Kylo to tell this guy to go to hell. But he was _so thirsty_. And he didn’t think he could stand another second without clothes, it was driving him crazy. It was amazing how that simple a thing was doing so much to render him pliable.

Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to look Hux in the eyes. He trained his eyes squarely on the man’s shoes. “I’m sorry… for my behavior last night.” He could taste the bile in his throat.

“And?” Hux said. Kylo could tell he was enjoying this. He clenched his fists even harder.

“And… for being disrespectful and not following your rules.” Kylo’s voice was low.

Hux’s voice practically curled in pleasure. “_Good_,_ Kylo,_” he said.

Hux went and picked up the glass of water, handing it to Kylo. Kylo grabbed it tight like he was about to take it away from him. Kylo’s hands were shaking as he brought it up to his mouth. The first sip of water hit his tongue like it was watering a desert. His first sip was tentative, but soon he was gulping it down as fast as he could. Nothing had ever tasted as good as this water. He didn’t spill a drop.

Hux watched him with a smile. When he was done, Kylo came up for air. “Can I have some more?” He gasped, past the point of embarrassment.

“No.” Hux held up a hand to fend off the protest. “Too much too quick will make you sick. You’ll just end up throwing it up. Eat this.”

He handed Kylo the plate, which had a small sandwich and a pickle. Kylo wolfed it down almost as quickly as he drank the water, barely tasting the food at all. Hux gave him a third of a glass of water. Kylo gasped, feeling not quite quenched but at least on an equilibrium again.

“Feel better?” Hux asked mildly. Kylo nodded without thinking of the implications, almost dizzy on the feeling of being sated. It was weird how you couldn’t think of anything else when you were in physical discomfort.

Hux turned back and handed him the pile of clothes.

“Go ahead and get dressed. You earned it.” He said.

Kylo grabbed the clothes gratefully. Hux didn’t make any move to give him any privacy, so Kylo turned around to get dressed.

He pulled on a pair of underwear, some black pants that were a little too short for him, a grey t-shirt and a threadbare old hoodie. A rush of intense relief coursed through him. He had no idea how much better it would feel to have the simple pleasures of clothes and water. He already felt safer, although he wasn’t any safer than he was thirty seconds ago.

Kylo turned back around. He almost said thank you but caught himself at the last second. Hux was looking at his watch, and Kylo found himself being guided back to the cage, feeling a sinking feeling when Hux locked the door behind him. Kylo inched back, drawing his knees up to his chest.

“You’re only helping yourself when you listen to me.” Hux said, snapping the padlock shut with a horrid clunking sound. “You’re already learning, Kylo.”

Those words jolted Kylo out of his dazed contentment of getting food. He realized how compliant he had been, those seconds when he could have made a run for it and didn’t. His heart sank.

Hux didn’t seem to notice. He patted the side of the cage and walked back to the stairs. “I’ll see you tonight. I might be back late.”

With those words, Hux walked back up the stairs, leaving Kylo looking after him down below.

Kylo waited about two minutes, hands wrapped around the bars and listening intently for a door to close upstairs. Once it did, he waited another few minutes just to be sure that Hux was gone before turning his attention to escaping.

The cage he was locked in was so small, he couldn’t get up on his knees. His only recourse was shuffling around in a circle, banging his elbows and knees on the bars in an attempt to find a weak spot. He tried the door first, snaking his hand out between the bars and feeling the padlock. It was sturdy and, by the feel of it, brand-new. No nicks or rusty spots at all. Ditto for the cage itself. Shiny and new.

This raised the disturbing thought that Hux had bought the cage specifically for him. Kylo shivered. He didn’t know which option was worse, that his captor already had a cage on hand or he’d bought it new for him. Either way, he was getting the fuck out of here.

Kylo shimmied back around to the door. If he had the right tools, he thought he could pick the lock. Unfortunately, he didn’t. His lockpick had been in his boot, which the First Order goons had taken, along with his phone. He pressed his palms against his eyes, groaning.

“I am such a _moron_. I never should have gone alone.” Kylo muttered bitterly. He _knew_ he should have waited for Rey, he knew it was a horrible idea, and yet he’d decided to go for it anyway, and look where he was now. He still wasn’t terrified out of his wits or anything, but he was smart enough to recognize that he was in a fair bit of trouble. He had to get out of here before Hux did… whatever it was he was going to do to him. He just had to trust that sooner or later, Hux would make a mistake, and he’d be ready at any opportunity to flee.

He wished that he had hidden more than one lockpick on him besides the one in his boot. He could practically see Rey standing in front of him, one hand cocked on her hip and snapping gum, eyebrow raised, incredibly unimpressed. _Hey dumbass, if you’d just hid a lockpick here and there like I do, you’d be well on your way to getting out of here instead of… well, sitting on your ass waiting for a sociopath to come back and torture you._

“Listen, I told you so’s are even _more_ annoying delivered in absentia.” Kylo grunted, still shaking bars and testing their strength. He knew talking to himself was weird enough, but maybe he was more stressed than he thought.

Eventually, he had to concede defeat. If there was a way out of here, it wasn’t by breaking the lock. There wasn’t much in this room, and what was was placed well out of his reach. He’d have to overpower Hux somehow, or just make a run for it.

He sat back with a huff. He was getting a little claustrophobic locked in this tiny cage, so he tried to think of anything else.

Kylo wondered if Leia was looking for him. He must have been missing for nearly a week now. He was sure (he _hoped_) that she was worried about him. They’d had their moments of tension, of course, but he had to believe that at the end of the day, she’d care if he’d been taken.

He thought about the last time he’d seen her, on his way out of her office a few months back. She standing with her hands planted on her desk looking after him with her almost signature look of sadness and a misplaced desire to understand the son who so frequently disappointed her. Luke was sitting on the couch, head back and eyes closed, leaving the talking up to his sister. He’d already had his say.

Despite his roiling guilt and the knowledge that he deserved exile and even worse, Leia’s dismissal of him hurt. The fact that she called and texted frequently since then didn’t help. On some level, Kylo knew that he was partly responsible for their estrangement, that Leia would only be too happy to let him back into the fold, that avoiding her was part of some fucked-up kind of guilt trip he was running on himself, but that didn’t help. It didn’t stop him from feeling like a fuck-up. In a weird way, it felt better to be hated.

Rey seemed to get it, at least a little. She had enough problems of her own that she wanted to avoid talking about so that she never pushed him to talk. They worked well together, they were a great team, and that’s all either one of them wanted.

In any case, none of that really mattered in the situation he was in. All his usual petty problems seemed pretty insignificant at the moment. He’d be better off trying to figure out how to get out of here. He had to content himself with fantasies of rescue while he waited for Hux to come back, and for a better chance of escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's kind of a short one. Things'll start cooking in the next chapter, though, I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

For the remainder of the day, Kylo tried to psych himself up for that night. He had wasted enough time submitting to Hux’s demands. He’d been here for two days now, and he’d made only half-hearted attempts at escape.

Yes, he was scared, and tired, and hungry. What he tried to remind himself of was the fact that he was a Resistance member too. He’d been stabbed, chased, electrocuted once or twice. Kylo tried to convince himself. There was nothing this guy could do to him that would be worse than what he already went through. He’d been clothed, and gotten water. This was enough to make him feel a bit like a person again. Kylo looked down at his bare feet balefully. Those were going to hurt like hell once he was running through those woods he’d glimpsed outside, but he had to do it. It would be worth it when he was sitting pretty back in his shitty RV drinking beer with Rey.

He wasn’t just going to let Hux take him and use him however he saw fit. He hated the panicky feeling he got whenever Hux looked at him. It made him feel small and helpless. He _hated_ this, just being a toy that Hux could come down and play with whenever he wanted to. He had to get out of here.

Kylo tried to stop tapping his foot against the cage, but his nervous energy was only ramping up by the minute. He wanted to pace, to punch something, to do _anything_. The cage was too small for him; he could barely shift in position without a great deal of maneuvering. Rey had once told him that he was like an animal who shouldn’t be caged. She had been joking, but he never felt the truth of that until now.

Kylo watched the sun set with impatience and listened to the house settling above him. There was no sound from anywhere. He even amused himself for a while by shouting and cursing. It wasn’t really to see if anyone would hear him, he’d seen how isolated this place was when he was dragged in here; it was more to blow off steam. His was a bad mind to be in.

Finally, Kylo perked up when he heard the distant sound of car tires crunching on gravel and a door slamming. He listened to someone walk into the house. Kylo tried to ready himself. It had been made clear to him so far that there was no way he would be able to win in a physical fight between the two of them. Kylo was no slouch, but his strength laid mainly in wiry energy. Hux was stronger than he looked, and he had easily overpowered Kylo more than once. Kylo didn’t have a weapon to speak of, and he didn’t really see anything down here that he could use besides the footstool, but even that wasn’t very heavy.

Kylo tried to get himself ready. It was night now, so he’d have the cover of darkness. He decided the only chance he had was to get past Hux somehow or knock him off balance and then make a run for it. He could be pretty fast when he needed to.

Listening to Hux walk around upstairs and do something in the kitchen was interminable. Kylo tried to slow down his beating heart, clenching and unclenching his fists with nerves.

Finally, Hux came downstairs. He was carrying a plate of food and a glass of water again. Kylo forced himself to school his expression in order to not look suspicious. He sat with his knees tucked up under his chin and watched Hux silently.

Hux seemed perfectly cheerful. “Good evening, Kylo. I brought you some dinner. Some chicken stew. Figured it would be good for this cold weather.”

Kylo nodded cautiously and waited while Hux unlocked the cage. Hux motioned that he should get out. Kylo did, moving slowly, hunching his shoulders and hugging his arms to himself. He figured that Hux would be expecting him to make a run for it right away, so he waited.

Hux took hold of his elbow and steered him over to the side of the room. Kylo flinched, and this wasn’t acting. Hux touching him made his skin crawl, but he allowed it for the moment, forcing himself not to look at the stairwell.

Hux stood by the stairs and turned his back while Kylo used the bathroom. He washed his hands in the sink, wondering if he could break the mirror and use the shards of glass as a weapon. He didn’t think he would have enough time, so he dropped that.

Hux steered him back to the footstool and handed him the food and water. Kylo accepted it, eating and drinking quickly. It couldn’t hurt to get some nourishment into him before he bolted. He stared down at his own bare feet and listened to Hux prattling on. He seemed to be in a chatty mood tonight. He was rambling on and on about some antique store he frequented that was about to go out of business. The longer Hux talked, the more on edge Kylo was getting. His stomach was tying itself in knots of anxiety, and he could barely force the food down. He drank the water and snuck a look at Hux. He was leaning against the worktable, seemingly perfectly at ease, talking lightly.

Kylo took a deep breath, steeling himself. This was the best chance he was going to get. He meekly handed the glass of water back to Hux. Hux took it, and while he was turning around to place it on the table, Kylo whipped the plate as hard as he could at Hux’s head. Hux’s eyes widened in surprise and he ducked, barely missing being hit. The plate smashed against the far wall.

Kylo didn’t waste any time. The second the plate left his hand, he bolted for the stairs, taking them three steps at a time. He heard Hux bellow behind him. He made it halfway up the stairwell, when a hand grabbed his ankle, making him fall flat on his face. He cried out, trying to shake the hand off, but Hux’s grip was too tight. Hux’s face was contorted in fury, and that sent a bolt of fear through Kylo.

“Get the _fuck_ off of me!” Kylo yelled, and aimed a square kick at Hux’s nose. It landed with a satisfying crunch. Hux shouted in pain and let go of Kylo, bringing his hands up to his nose.

Kylo turned tail and scrambled the rest of the way up the stairs on hands and knees. He stumbled to his feet at the head of the stairs and found himself in the kitchen. His heart hammered so hard it hurt, and he spun around, dizzy with fear, zeroing in on the kitchen door. He pulled it open so hard it slammed against the wall and sprinted out of the house.

He found himself on a rolling lawn that led down to the tree line about 500 yards down. Kylo ran like he’d never run before.

“Kylo, you get back here _right now_!” Hux bellowed at him. Kylo snuck a glance back to see Hux silhouetted in the open door of the house, one hand held over his nose. Kylo panted and ran faster.

He emerged into the dark canopy of trees, and only felt marginally safer now that he was out of sight. Tree branches grasped and scratched at him like they were trying to keep him here. He gasped and panted, shoving them away. His left foot ached where he’d stepped hard on a sharp rock. He kept going.

Moonlight slanted through the trees, but Kylo had no idea where he was going. He wasn’t sure where the road was, whether there were any neighbors to run to, whether he was going farther into wilderness. Blinded by panic, at this moment, he didn’t care where he was going, as long as it was away from Hux.

Behind him somewhere, he heard Hux blundering into the trees behind him. He gasped and dropped to the ground to make himself less visible. “Kylo? Kylo, come out right this instant. You are making me very angry.”

Kylo inched backwards away from his presence. He was out of breath from his sprint, so he clamped a hand over his mouth so Hux wouldn’t hear his panting breath.

He went the opposite direction from Hux’s blundering. He jogged quietly along for about a hundred yards before he crashed head-first into a chain-link fence. He bounced back, landing on his ass on the ground. This would have been fine, except the fence made a deafening crashing sound when he hit it.

Kylo’s heart clenched in his chest. He heard Hux change course behind him. It was all he could do to scramble behind cover of a tree’s roots.

Hux ran right up to the chain-link fence and stopped in his tracks. He pressed a hand to the fence as if he could tell something about where Kylo went after that.

Kylo was frozen with fear. His hand was clamped over his mouth and nose. Hux was less than ten feet away from him. He wondered wildly if his heartbeat was audible.

Hux looked to his left and right. Kylo snuck a look, and saw by the harsh moonlight that blood dotted Hux’s chin. He looked demonic in the stark light. He looked furious, but his voice came out soft and reasonable, which only made Kylo huddle in tighter.

“Kylo… I know you’re here somewhere… Listen, let me make you a deal. If you come out right now, I’ll take it easy on you. I know you’re scared. You ran because it was instinctive. I can understand that. If you make me hunt you down, you’ll regret it. Kylo, come on, sweetheart… Come on out.” Hux paced from side to side.

Ice flooded Kylo’s veins. He wanted, he _needed_ to run, but Hux was _so close_. If he made the slightest sound, Hux was going to hear him.

It turned into an impasse. Kylo watched with wide eyes as Hux paced away from him. Kylo relaxed just a little bit. He took this chance to get up, to back up in the opposite direction, one careful step at a time. Distance grew between them, and Kylo grew emboldened.

He took a step onto the path, and a twig snapped, loud as a firecracker in the forest. Kylo froze. Hux whipped around, and he looked right at Kylo. A bloodied smile grew across his face.

“There you are…” He whispered.

Terrified now, Kylo turned around and ran as fast as he possibly could. Hux took chase. Unfortunately, Hux had three advantages. He was wearing shoes, he was perfectly healthy, and he knew this forest well.

It only took thirty seconds for Hux to catch up with him. Kylo screamed as Hux tackled him from behind, forcing him down onto the ground. Kylo bucked as hard as he could, trying to get him off. Hux’s hot breath rushed over his neck as he tried to force his hands behind his back.

“Kylo, settle down,” Hux grunted.

Kylo did not settle down. He only fought harder, getting a good elbow to Hux’s stomach that only unseated him a little. “Fuck you!” Kylo screamed.

Hux struggled with him for a little while before giving up and dragging him. He wrapped his arms around Kylo’s torso, trapping his arms and dragging him back to the house.

Kylo screamed and kicked. Being caught let go all of his inhibitions, and crazed by adrenaline, he started spitting curses at him.

They made it out onto the lawn and Kylo strained his neck, screaming so hard it hurt his throat. “Let me go, you creepy fucking bastard! Fuck you, fuck you, let me go!”

Hux didn’t say anything. He just dragged Kylo bodily back toward the house. The scary part was that he didn’t even seem to be having that much difficulty.

When Hux got him back into the house, Kylo’s fury turned back into fear. His wild screaming turned into tears. Tears pricked his eyes, and he started sobbing. “No! No, no, _please_, let me go!”

Hux didn’t listen to him. He wrestled him back down the stairs, dropping him halfway. Kylo lost his balance immediately and crashed onto the floor, scraping his palms. Hux took the few seconds it took for Kylo to get to his feet to drag the worktable a few feet away from the wall.

Kylo made a beeline for the stairs again, but Hux snagged a hand and fisted it in his hair. Kylo screamed, dragged to a halt. Hux pulled him over to the table and shoved him face-first down onto it. There were leather straps already affixed to it, and Hux strapped Kylo’s wrists down tight so he was pulled across the table, toes barely touching the floor.

Now that Kylo was securely restrained, Hux stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. He touched his bloody nose with one hand. “You had better hope this isn’t broken.”

As Hux stepped around him to go back up the stairs, Kylo spat at him.

Hux was upstairs for five minutes. Kylo struggled to get free in vain, screaming in frustration. He was at such an odd angle he wasn’t able to get the leverage needed in order to get up farther.

By the time Hux came back down, Kylo had burned off much of his adrenaline, and was resigning himself to the fact that he was stuck again. He put his forehead down on the table while he shook with sobs. He tried not to, he _hated_ crying in front of anyone, even with Rey. Even so, he couldn’t help it.

His shoulders ached. His chest ached. Kylo tried to inch away when Hux came closer, but he had nowhere to go. He craned his head around as best he could to look up at Hux, biting his lips furiously to stop the crying. Hux was looking down at him with a patronizing mix of disappointment and sternness.

Hux shook his head. “Why’d you have to go and do that, Ben?”

Kylo’s shoulders shook and more tears slid down his cheeks despite his best attempts to stop it. “Are you kidding me?” Was his pitiable answer.

“I don’t want to hurt you, you have to realize that. I would prefer not to have you caged up like an animal, but I can’t trust you yet. We need to work together. It will make me happier, and I know you’ll be happier.” Hux said.

Kylo dropped his head in exhaustion, one eye still trained up on Hux. “You’re holding me prisoner. What’s so complicated about that? I will never be your fucking lapdog, so to save us both some fucking time, just go ahead and kill me.”

Hux rested a hand on Kylo’s back. He longed to throw it off. “I’m not going to kill you. I’m getting quite fond of you, despite your disobedience. You just need to be trained.”

Kylo turned his head away, breathing in a shuddering breath. He was calmer now, more resigned. He just wanted to go to sleep. “Look, can we cut this heart-to-heart short? I’m really tired. Just put me back in the cage.”

Hux was rubbing circles with his thumb into Kylo’s back. He sighed. “Oh, I wish I could, Kylo, but our business is not done tonight. This pains me, but the only way you will learn is if I train you properly. Your behavior tonight can’t go unpunished.”

Kylo’s eyes flew back open, and he craned his head back at Hux. “What?”

Hux had already gotten up and was fiddling with something Kylo couldn’t see. There was a sound like a match being struck, and Hux went into the other room and opened what sounded like a heavy lid.

“Hux, what does that mean? What are you doing? Hux?” Kylo said, voice getting ever shakier. He tried to see what Hux was doing, but his angle was all wrong. His heart started beating faster.

Hux came back around. He almost looked sad. “Kylo, I want you to know that this brings me no pleasure, but what you did tonight made me very angry. I want you to think about two things. First of all, you aren’t going anywhere. Escape attempts will be met with firm punishment. Second of all, you _will_ start obeying my commands. You belong to me now, and that means you’ll follow my orders. I don’t want to be so harsh with you, but you drive me to it with your reckless behavior.”

Any righteous anger Kylo had before had fled. He was terrified. When Hux went out of sight again, Kylo called after him. “I’m, I’m sorry, Hux. I am. Look, I’ve learned my lesson, truly. You don’t need to do whatever it is you’re about to do. Really. I won’t do it again.”

Hux came up behind him and laid a firm hand on the side of his head, keeping him pinned to the table. Kylo squeaked and tried feebly to get loose. “Oh, Ben. I wish I could believe you. Just remember that it doesn’t have to be this way. I can be kind or cruel, and it all depends on you.”

Kylo didn’t understand what was going on to begin with. Hux seemed to put an ear plug in one ear, muffling his hearing. Then a pain hit his ear, like something hot was being poured into it. He bucked desperately, but couldn’t move an inch. Hux held him steady. The heat and pain vanished fairly quickly, replaced by a sluggish, thick feeling. Kylo was screaming, and he rolled his eyes trying to catch a glimpse of Hux.

Hux let go of his head, and Kylo shook it to no avail. Then he saw what was going on. Hux was holding a small bowl of white, melted wax. It was hardening in Kylo’s right ear, deadening his hearing on that side. Kylo gasped.

“Don’t worry. This won’t cause any permanent damage. I put the ear plug in first so none of the wax gets in your ear canal, but I want your hearing completely deadened. It’s a simple thing to just pull the wax out when needed, and you’ll be as good as new.” Hux said.

It was only then that Kylo understood what he was doing. Tears pricked his eyes again, and he shouted as Hux forced his head to the other side, brushing back the hair over his left ear.

“No! Hux, I’m sorry! I’m _sorry_, please don’t!” Kylo screamed, completely beyond reason.

Hux repeated the process in this ear as well. First came the temporary pain which subsided as the wax hardened into an impenetrable seal. Hux held his head tightly for about two minutes while the wax hardened completely.

Kylo spent the whole time screaming and crying, although he couldn’t hear any of that. The second the wax hardened in his ears, he couldn’t hear a thing. He could feel his own voice vibrating in his throat, but couldn’t hear anything else. It was a terrifying, disorienting feeling. The second Hux let go of him, Kylo shook his head violently to no avail. He couldn’t even hear the air rushing past his head. The second Hux untied his hands, he was going to dig the wax out of his ears with his fingers.

Hux walked past him and patted his head almost affectionately. Kylo growled, feeling only the vibration in his throat. Hux went behind him to grab something else, but without his hearing, Kylo had no forewarning when Hux came back and unstrapped his hands. Kylo rocked back onto his heels.

Before Kylo even had the chance to fight back, Hux forced his arms into the long sleeves of what looked like a straitjacket. Kylo’s eyes widened. After his arms were in the sleeves, Hux pulled a strap across each of Kylo’s wrists, ensuring that the arms couldn’t slip back out. He spun Kylo around and started cinching up the back. Without his fingers, all Kylo could do was try and reach back to Hux. Hux started at his waist and moved up, cinching each of the straps tight. Each successive strap pulled tighter around Kylo. His heart was slamming against his ribcage like it was trying to escape before it could be tied up in this jacket. Once it was finally cinched up the back, Hux did the final touch, buttoning a high collar around Kylo’s neck to exert a gentle pressure there. He grabbed the tail ends of the sleeves and pulled them around the back, strapping them down so Kylo’s arms were hugged firmly around him. To make sure he didn’t even have the slightest leverage, there were a finishing few leather straps to cinch around his upper arms and at his elbow joint so he was securely fastened. There was another strap that went between the legs that Hux cinched up so there was another gentle pressure around his groin.

Kylo wasn’t sure what he was doing at this point. He’d gone limp in Hux’s arms, his mouth opening and closing in shock. He didn’t know if he was making any sound or if Hux was saying anything to him.

Hux spun him around again. Kylo had absolutely no power to resist. He gaped up at Hux in shock. Hux was looking sternly at him, lifting him up so he was sitting on the edge of the table. Without Hux’s guiding hand, Kylo would have completely lost his balance. Hux affixed two leather cuffs around Kylo’s ankles with a short lead between them, strapping those in securely. There was another longer leather lead hanging off, and Hux pushed Kylo down, pulling the lead up and clipping it to a sturdy eyelet around Kylo’s tailbone. His legs were thus tied together and pulled back so his heels didn’t have that much room from his thighs. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it didn’t leave very much room to wriggle.

Hux came back around to him and pried his mouth open, pushing a balled-up cloth into it so it pretty much filled his mouth. Kylo pulled back and shook his head, trying in vain to spit it out. Hux grabbed his hair again and pushed it in deeper before getting another cloth and tying it around the back of his head, knotting it tight. The gag was such that Kylo was having trouble making any sound at all, robbing from him that vibration he had felt before.

Hux finally left him for a moment, and Kylo squirmed around desperately, trying to get any sort of leverage in his restraints. He couldn’t really move at all, could only wriggle around a little bit.

Kylo watched with wide eyes as Hux dragged in a long, dark wood box with the lid open. A bolt of fear hit Kylo as he realized it was vaguely coffin-shaped. Hux was going to put him in there. He immediately began to struggle, but couldn’t even move across the table.

There was one more finishing touch. Hux came back with a long, solid black cloth. He pulled Kylo into a sitting position and then began to wrap the blindfold around his head. It was wide enough to more than cover his eyes, and Hux wound it around three times before securely knotting it behind Kylo’s head. The pressure from the blindfold forced Kylo’s eyes closed. He couldn’t see even the barest hint of light from behind his eyelids.

Kylo was suddenly awash in a sea without sensation. The only grounding element was Hux’s hands still touching him. Kylo felt himself being picked up, and he struggled halfheartedly. He was placed on his right side into the box. Kylo could feel the sides of the box on all sides. It was quite small. It was only when he tried to sit up and found the lid of the box had been put on that he was entirely alone.

It was only then that Kylo began to panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, so remember the fucked-up stuff I promised? Here it is. More to come. You have no idea how long I spent googling whether getting wax in your ears was dangerous or not. Ultimately, I decided, whatever. There's ear plugs. It's fine. We're going to suspend our disbelief. Please don't do any of this at home, kids.


	4. Chapter 4

Hux woke up the next morning with sunlight streaming through his window. He went into the bathroom to check on his nose. It had bled last night, but he was pleased to see that it wasn’t broken. He took his time in the shower and even sat out on the lawn for a while with his coffee. He had to drive all the way into the city today, but his meeting wasn’t until later on this afternoon, so he could afford to tarry.

After getting dressed, and before he left, Hux decided to go down and check on Kylo. He had cleared up the mess from last night already, pushing the worktable back against the wall. He hadn’t even needed to bother locking the box. It only needed a simple latch.

Hux knelt down by the box and unlatched the lid, lifting it up. He did it carefully, so that Kylo wouldn’t feel the vibrations and know he was there.

Kylo was still lying on his side where Hux had left him, securely restrained. Hux took a moment to admire his work. Just for himself, he had to admit that Kylo made a very nice picture like this. Kylo’s head was down, and he was breathing through his nose because of the gag. His breathing was slow; Hux wondered if he was asleep or if he had just completely zoned out. The straitjacket and ankle restraints made sure he was only able to wriggle around a little, let alone get out of the box. Kylo’s cheeks had dried tear tracks down to his chin. He’d been crying, clearly.

Hux had known it was only a matter of time before Kylo tried to escape, although he was surprised by how far he had managed to get. He’d known that the punishment he gave Kylo would have to impress upon him the dire consequences of disobedience. He’d been prepared for this, and only hoped that Kylo would respond correctly to it after he finally let him go.

Hux leaned forward, noticing the interior of the box smelled like sweat and fear. Good. He hovered a hand over Kylo’s head, wondering if it was the right time. He’d spent hours tied up in a box deprived of his senses. Hux decided it was about time for Kylo to start making positive associations with him.

He ran his fingers gently through Kylo’s hair, smoothing it back from his pallid forehead. Kylo had a violent reaction, tossing his head in a vain attempt to get away from him. Hux didn’t let up. A high, keening sound that could have been a choked sob came muffled out of Kylo’s mouth. He squirmed in his restraints, toes curling and fingers clenching into fists. Hux didn’t give him anything more than gentle fingers through his hair.

Kylo finally stilled under his hand, allowing Hux to touch him. His breath stuttered in his chest, and full-body shudders went through him, brought up short by the restraints.

“That’s a good boy…” Hux muttered even though Kylo couldn’t hear him.

He kept stroking his hair for a few minutes and then withdrew. The second he pulled away, Kylo keened again and strained his neck after Hux’s hand. Hux watched him for a moment before closing and latching the lid again. He smiled, extremely pleased.

On his drive out to the city, he knew it was going to be a very good meeting.

That night, after some dinner, Hux went back down. He had had to force himself to wait. He wanted to go down and see Kylo right away when he got home, but knew this would only work if Kylo was as isolated as possible.

He opened the lid again, quietly. He didn’t want Kylo to be aware of when he opened it, just to create uncertainty in him about when he was being observed.

Kylo was curled up as much as possible. By his breathing, Hux could tell he was awake.

His breath hitched when Hux touched him. He jerked violently again, but had no power to resist as Hux picked him up so he was in an upright position, leaning against the side of the box. Kylo’s head twitched back and forth like he was trying to pick up a clue as to where Hux was. Hux smiled, charmed by Kylo’s disorientation.

He pulled up a chair on the other side of Kylo, smoothing back his hair again. Kylo nearly jumped out of his skin when Hux came from a different side than he was expecting. He tried rubbing his head against his shoulder to get the blindfold off. His short, jerky movements betrayed his distress. Hux swatted him firmly on the nose like a misbehaving dog. Kylo yelped and flinched back, breathing speeding up. He stopped moving, though.

Hux untied the knot of the gag, laying it over the edge of the box. He pulled the gag out of Kylo’s mouth. Kylo leaned forward and coughed hoarsely, clearly relieved having it out. Hux watched him carefully. Kylo hitched in an unsteady breath like he was about to say something.

Hux clapped a firm hand over Kylo’s mouth and held it there for a few seconds. The order was clear even with no words backing it up. _No talking_.

Hux waited to see what Kylo would do as he let go. To his small surprise and pleasure, Kylo stayed silent. His blindfolded face was pointed in Hux’s direction. His very being was hung on what Hux was going to do next. This attention was intoxicating. Hux smiled.

He fisted one hand in Kylo’s hair, holding him immobile. The intent wasn’t to hurt, but to exert a steady pressure. Kylo whimpered faintly, but Hux was gratified to hear he stayed silent. Hux didn’t do anything for the moment, just held Kylo still, enjoying the way the cords in his neck stood out in fear. Kylo’s breathing came out in little bursts. His knees banged the edge of the box. He would most likely be running now if he were on his feet.

Hux started with the water. He’d brought a water bottle instead of a glass, because it would be easier to feed Kylo. He brought the water bottle up to Kylo’s lips. Kylo gasped and tried to pull away, but Hux held steady, his fist in his hair preventing him from even turning his head.

Once Kylo tasted that it was water, he relaxed a little bit, drinking gratefully. Hux knew he had to be thirsty. Hux let him have about a third of it before pulling it away. Next, without letting go of his hair, Hux began to feed him tomato soup. He had a bowl balanced on his lap, and he brought spoonful after spoonful up to Kylo’s lips. Kylo ate the soup without protest, even seeming to relax a little bit.

Hux let himself enjoy this small pleasure. He liked it when Kylo was like this, compliant in his hands, not afraid but ready to please. He knew it would take a long time before they could reach this level of intimacy, but he was willing to take what he could when he got it.

After the soup was done, Hux picked up the water bottle again, offering the rest to Kylo. Kylo drank some of it, but after a certain point, he tried to pull back. Hux didn’t let him, tilting his head back so his throat was exposed and making Kylo drink the entirety of the water or choke on it. Kylo struggled feebly, but had no choice but to drink the water. He trembled minutely. When it was all gone, Hux let up some of the pressure in his hair. Kylo burped and coughed a little bit before getting his breathing back under control.

His breathing had gotten unsteady again, and he seemed on the verge of tears. Hux let go of the fist in his hair, bringing both hands up to cradle his face, running his thumbs comfortingly across his cheeks. Kylo shuddered in a breath or two, even seeming to press into Hux’s touch a little. Hux made small shushing noises to calm him down, despite the fact that Kylo couldn’t hear a thing. Hux found that he enjoyed this more than he thought he would.

Hux listened carefully to make sure Kylo’s breathing was under control before picking up the gag again. With no warning, he shoved it back into Kylo’s mouth. Kylo grunted and struggled again. Hux pushed the gag to fill his mouth and tied the other piece of fabric around his head, knotting it tight.

Kylo had grown limp again, like the gag had sapped the rest of his resistance. He let Hux run his fingers through his hair again. He tipped his head over and sighed. Hux wondered at this gesture. Was he asking for more comfort? He wasn’t sure. He made sure that his stroking of his hair was gentle and soothing.

Hux sat that way for a while, just stroking Kylo’s hair. He wanted Kylo to start associating his touch with comfort. He almost wished he could see Kylo’s eyes right now, but knew the blindfold was necessary and would have to stay firmly in place. Kylo drooped against him, exhausted of any fight.

Hux took a look at his watch and realized it was getting late. He still needed to make a few calls tonight.

This time, when he removed his hands, there was no doubt. Kylo whimpered and pushed his head forward, wanting his touch. “Oh, there’ll be plenty of time for that later, dear. I have work to get done.” Hux said, getting to his feet.

Without Hux’s grounding presence, Kylo began to shiver again. Hux reached over to Kylo’s neck, buttoning his collar one button tighter. There should now be the barest choking sensation on his throat, not enough to actually restrict his breathing, but just enough to be uncomfortable. Kylo stiffened, his Adam’s apple jumped with an aborted attempt to swallow. He craned his neck in an attempt to get away from the pressure.

Hux grabbed Kylo and got him up onto his knees. Kylo wobbled, slightly off-balance. Deafened like he was, it should be nearly impossible for his inner ear to tell him whether he was up or down. Hux undid the crisscrossed double-strap between Kylo’s legs and pulled it two notches tighter. This pulled a hoarse grunt from Kylo; he shook his head wildly from side to side as if to protest his treatment.

“Terribly sorry, but you’ve got to learn your lesson.” Hux said, securing the straps to the thick eyelets over Kylo’s tailbone. There should now be a definite pressure over Kylo’s bladder. He would be ruing drinking all the water fairly soon, and this was, of course, the point.

For good measure, Hux tightened the straps on the straightjacket as well before pushing Kylo facedown back into the box. The box was small enough and his restraints tight enough that he would have no way of turning over. Lying on his stomach would only increase the pressure.

As Hux lowered the lid for the night, he heard a muffled scream come from Kylo as he struggled futilely in his restraints. Hux clicked the latch closed. He patted the lid twice before going back upstairs.

* * *

Kylo couldn’t breathe. His heart was pounding in his chest, so hard he could practically hear it. He’d thought he was laying on his front, but he couldn’t be sure of that anymore. His arms were crushed against his chest, his legs ached from being pulled back for so long, he thought there was a noose tied around his neck.

Worse than that was his bladder. The straps between his legs were punishing. No matter how much he squirmed, he couldn’t get any relief. If this went on for much longer, he would have no choice but to relieve himself. His mind spun out wildly. He thought he was in this position because he’d drank a bottle of water. _Water?_ He almost laughed at himself. His throat was dry again, he couldn’t actually remember the sensation of drinking water. Maybe he imagined it. His jaw ached from being held open. The gag in his mouth had taken away any chance of moisture. His tongue felt like a dead thing.

Worse than any of that was not being able to see or hear. He’d thought he was in a box, but then he was out of it, and now he was upside down in something else. Or maybe it was the box again. He didn’t know. Nothing felt real anymore except his aching limbs. He must be lying on something, but he couldn’t feel it. It felt to him that he was just floating in some formless void.

It was absolutely _maddening_ not being able to hear. The wax in his ears exerted a dull pressure on his eardrums. Kylo never knew how disorienting it was not being able to even hear air rushing by his head or his own breathing. He was starting to see phantom lights running in front of his eyes. Kylo tried to close them so he couldn’t see, but he thought they were already closed. His mind spun in delirium. He didn’t know if his eyes were open or closed.

Kylo felt the panic rising up in him again. He had completely lost all track of time. He’d been down here for weeks. Or it could have been hours. Or just a day. He couldn’t be sure. Panic rushed like a fever up his body, and he started to struggle again, muffled sobbing behind the gag turning into real tears. _He had to get out of here! Right now! Right now! Now!_ He felt mad, wild.

He couldn’t remember why he was here anymore. There was a man who came before. There were some strong hands that had soothed him and gave him food to eat. No, wait. That wasn’t right. The man put him here to begin with. Why? Why? He couldn’t remember. He was having a hard time thinking about anything that wasn’t right here, right now. He’d done something bad. He was being punished. This was his fault. This was what he had been told. He’d heard that, right? No, that didn’t make sense, his ears were blocked. The hands had told him, they’d pressed onto him the knowledge that he was being punished because he had disobeyed.

He started to cry. It hurt his throat. He tried to stop but couldn’t. Fear had him in its jaws like he was prey. He didn’t know where he was. He’d run, and the man with the strong hands had caught him up and tied him up into a little ball and tucked him away. He was terribly afraid, but he wanted the man to come back. Why had he run? He was in pain now because he’d run. It was the only thing that made sense.

After what could have been years, hands descended upon him. He froze. He didn’t know if they were real. The hands squeezed his thigh gently and stroked his hair. The touch was electrifying. He felt rocketed from the formless, empty void to a place where the hands were. The man was here, touching him, and it was _so_ much better than just floating.

Kylo was rolled over, and he was crying again. Things were just happening _to_ him. He had no control over any of it. _No! Get away from him!_ Shouted part of his mind, the part whose skin crawled when he was touched. _Please don’t go. Hold me, don’t leave me_, pleaded another part of his mind, the part that strained to get closer. That comforting touch was better than the whole world, better than anything.

Kylo’s mind whirled in confusion. His breath hitched in his throat. There were cool hands touching his warm cheeks, wiping away tears that dripped down to his chin. It felt so good. But if it felt so good, why was he so afraid?

The hands brushed through his hair, rested over his eyes and down his cheeks. Kylo pushed his face into the hands, desperate for contact. It was something he could _feel_. The hands ran down the rest of his body. Kylo frowned. He thought was leaning against something, but maybe he wasn’t. Maybe these hands were holding him up. He felt sluggish and confused.

There was something he needed. He tried _so hard_ to remember what it was. Yes, the pressure on his bladder. His arms hurt, his legs hurt, his back hurt, but more than any of that was his need to go to the bathroom. He tried to speak around the gag, making a grunting noise. Couldn’t the man see what he needed? He promised to be good, he would be so good if the man would just loosen the straps between his legs, that’s all he wanted.

The hands continued to stroke his hair, and Kylo began to fight against his restraints. He tried moving his arms, but couldn’t. His legs ached from their position, his knees from supporting his weight. He started to panic again. It was hard to breathe. He was just asking for this _one_ thing. Please, please, please.

He’d learned his lesson, he would be good, just please let him go. He was in pain, and confused, and he couldn’t spend one more second locked away like this, alone and afraid.

The hands left him alone again, and Kylo screamed for what felt like hours. It was a terrified, muffled sound, but he couldn’t help it. He screamed, and his voice went hoarse, and he just kept going.

At some point, he dozed off, floating. He realized the pressure in his bladder was gone. There was something wet under him. His cheeks flamed in shame. He was useless, pathetic, disgusting. What the hell was wrong with him?

He awoke, or at least he thought he did. It was all the same here in the dark. It was pitch-black; it was always was, and it always would be. The man was _never_ going to let him out, he would keep him tied up like this forever. He was a thing now, an object whose only purpose was to lie forgotten here.

He waited, alone, desperate for the hands to come back. Even if the man wouldn’t let him go, he could at least touch his hair, to remind him that something else existed in this void.

But the man didn’t come back. Kylo waited, with nothing to keep him company. He had no idea how long it had been. It could have been days, or just one minute that felt like days. He didn’t know which was worse. His chest hurt from the panic trying to dig out of him. He thought it would go away, but it just got worse and worse as time went on and nobody came. It settled heavier and heavier on his chest, until Kylo could only breathe in little gasps.

He screamed, but couldn’t hear it. He cried, but couldn’t feel it.

And still the man didn’t come back.

* * *

Hux came back late from his meeting. There had been some unexpected issues to deal with, and he was absolutely dead on his feet.

It had been three days since he’d put Kylo in the box. He’d meant to let him out this morning, but had been called away at the last minute. He wondered if he’d left him in there too long. He had given him water three times, but wasn’t sure if Kylo was even aware of it the last time. He continued to respond well to his touch, even seeming to grow desperate for it.

Hux decided three days was more than enough for Kylo’s punishment. If he hadn’t learned his lesson after this, he never would.

He walked downstairs and opened up the box. Kylo was curled up, his breath coming quick. He reached in and picked Kylo up, carrying him upstairs. Kylo shuddered when he touched him, but otherwise didn’t respond. Hux knew he should have reached a point of partial or complete dissociation by now, untethered from all his senses.

Hux brought him into his master bathroom and set him down on the tiled floor. He left a light on in the bedroom and half-shut the door, only turning on the dim mood lighting in here. Even that was bound to hurt Kylo’s eyes.

He began to speak soothingly to Kylo, although he couldn’t hear him yet. To begin with, he unclipped the lead pulling his feet backwards, letting Kylo’s legs straighten out. Kylo stiffened, a pained grunt coming out. Hux waited a few moments, letting that settle in.

Next, he dipped his hand in hot water, holding it over Kylo’s left ear for a few seconds. He grabbed hold of the wax and pulled it carefully out. It was whole. He carefully did the same to the other ear. Kylo started shuddering violently.

Hux made sure to speak quietly, so his voice didn’t hurt Kylo’s ears. “There you go, sweetheart. Don’t be afraid now. I’m going to take care of you. Just relax, I’ll get you through this.”

He peeked inside Kylo’s ears and didn’t see any inflammation. His hearing would be just fine.

When Kylo heard Hux’s voice, he started, whipping his head wildly from side to side like he was trying to dislodge something. He shuddered again, his entire body shaking.

“Now, I’m going to take this gag out. I know your jaw is going to hurt. I need you to do something for me, though. I don’t want to hear anything out of your mouth for now, okay? You think you can do that for me?” Hux murmured.

Kylo paused like he was taking some extra seconds to connect the sounds he was hearing with actual communication. He nodded his head shakily, almost like he had forgotten how.

Hux untied the gag and pulled it out of his mouth. Kylo whimpered and worked his jaw, licking his chapped lips. He didn’t say a word.

“Good boy…” Hux murmured.

Next, Hux unhooked the straps between Kylo’s legs and unbuttoned the high collar. Kylo had frozen in place. He shivered minutely whenever Hux’s hands came close, like he was afraid to move at all. He didn’t want to break the spell, have Hux change his mind and tie him up again. He lay limply and let Hux move him however he wanted.

Hux uncuffed Kylo’s ankles, throwing the restraints into the corner for now. He turned him around and began the laborious process of unstrapping everything, releasing Kylo’s arms and taking off the straitjacket. Kylo shivered like he was cold.

“That’s it, you’re being so good for me.” Hux said.

Kylo’s arms fell limply into his lap once they were released. He didn’t move at all, Hux had to continue holding him up. Now Kylo was completely unrestrained except for the blindfold. This Hux left for last.

He moved Kylo’s pliant limbs around, undressing him except for his underwear. He would need to be bathed again tonight, but Hux just continued his mild platitudes, watching the gooseflesh go across Kylo’s arms. Once he was undressed, he hugged his arms around himself again and hunched in. He was biting his lips to keep from making any sound.

Hux pulled Kylo into his lap, one leg on top of Kylo’s to keep him still and one arm wrapped loosely around his chest. He didn’t have to add much pressure, Kylo allowed him to move him. In this moment, he was an empty vessel, too overwhelmed by the return of the world to react much. Hux could do absolutely anything to him right now.

“Okay, this is going to be the hardest part. I’m going to take the blindfold off. I want you to close your eyes. We’re going to take this slow.” Hux said.

Kylo nodded shakily. Hux unwrapped the blindfold and let it fall to the ground. Kylo’s eyes were clamped shut. His face was pale, and his skin was dotted with bruises and red impressions from where the restraints had dug into him. He sat there.

Hux moved him so he was still sitting in his lap, but that he was turned to face him. He wanted his face to be the first thing Kylo saw when he opened his eyes.

“All right, Kylo. I have the lights on really low. You can open your eyes now. Just do it slowly.” He said, rubbing circles into Kylo’s back.

Kylo squinted carefully. He flinched back from the low light in the room. His eyes closed again. Hux held one of his wrists in a gentle grip. “Let’s try that again. Just a bit at a time.”

Kylo listened, opening his eyes a little at a time. It took several minutes for his eyes to adjust. He blinked furiously as his eyes adjusted to the change. They skittered around the room before settling on Hux’s face.

Kylo had remained silent this whole time, but the shivering was getting worse, and his breathing was coming quicker. He looked at Hux, and his face was so deliciously open like this was the first thing he’d ever seen. Hux wanted to drink up that expression. He savored every micro-expression. Kylo had been kind of blank, but now bit by bit, he appeared to be coming back to himself.

Kylo stared at Hux, frowning like he was just remembering who he was. Every emotion there was flickered across his face. Fear, relief, anger, exhaustion. He hitched in a sudden, unsteady breath.

Hux rubbed circles into his wrist. “There you are.”

Kylo’s face twitched, his lips trembled, and then he burst into tears. Sobs wracked through him, and he wilted into Hux’s chest. Hux caught him and held him close. Kylo’s voice was choked and hoarse, and his crying was wild and out of control. He didn’t make any move to push Hux away, and Hux took full advantage.

“Hey, Kylo. It’s okay. I’ve got you. Shh, shh, shh…” Hux murmured soothingly.

Kylo rocked back and forth, tears flooding down his cheeks. He cried himself hoarse. “I’m- I’m- I’m _sorry_.” He sobbed, wrapping his arms loosely around Hux’s waist.

Hux held him. “I know you are. You won’t do that again.”

Kylo was somewhere beyond words. He clung to Hux and sobbed, his breath almost giving out every few seconds. Eventually, he slowed down into unsteady breathing and occasional sobs. He drooped against Hux and didn’t seem to be making any plans to move.

Hux spent the whole time rubbing his back and holding him close. When he was sure Kylo was done crying, he gave it a few more minutes before speaking. Before they moved on, he had to make sure the lesson had sunk in.

“Now, Kylo. I need you to tell me something.” Hux said sternly. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”

Kylo had stiffened against him. He shook his head.

“Good. Now have I properly impressed upon you my displeasure should you try to escape again?” He asked.

Kylo shivered like he’d been dropped into ice water. Hux took that as answer enough. He pulled back and held onto Kylo’s shoulders. “Will you ever do that again?”

Kylo shook his head. No hesitation. His freckled shoulders were trembling, his eyes were red from crying, and he looked absolutely broken. He would agree to anything right now, but Hux took this as a good sign.

“Good boy.” He said. Kylo wilted against him in relief.

Hux knew he was going to fade quickly, so he wrangled Kylo into the tub and washed him. Now that the newness of his senses was wearing off, Kylo had fallen into a semi-catatonic state. Hux moved his limbs without the slightest bit of resistance. Kylo’s eyes were glazed over. It was clear he wasn’t all there.

Hux got him toweled off, got him to brush his teeth mechanically, and put him in clothes, a navy-blue t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Kylo let it happen, swaying a bit on his feet whenever Hux wasn’t there to put a steadying hand against him. He followed all of Hux’s orders with mechanistic movements. Hux didn’t think he was really hearing him.

Hux felt a tight, happy feeling in his chest. Kylo was here in front of him, his in every way. He knew this attitude wouldn’t last, but he took his time, enjoying threading Kylo’s arms through his sleeves and moving him around the bathroom with small, guiding touches.

Hux guided him back down to the basement and put him back in the cage. Kylo curled up into a ball and immediately fell asleep, head pooled in his arms. Hux locked the door. He left the box within sight for now, just as a reminder. He’d put it back into storage tomorrow or the next day. Just when he knew Kylo had had enough time to process everything.

He knew that the more wary and aware Kylo would come back sooner or later, but he would enjoy this one for just a little longer. He’d just keep working on pushing past Kylo’s defenses, bit by bit. Kylo was like an intricate lock, and Hux was an excellent lockpick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who's left comments and kudos <33 The support means the world, seriously. You're all life-savers.


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo woke up slowly to the morning sun streaming in and warming his eyelids. The sensation was so novel he wondered if he was hallucinating it. It took a long few minutes for his brain to catch up to what had happened last night.

Kylo opened his eyes to the sight of the bars of his cage and the underside of the worktable in the corner. He rocketed awake, sitting up with a start.

His hands flew to his ears first, feeling in both of them to find nothing there. He could hear the sound of a washing machine coming from upstairs, the distant sound of birds, and the tentative snaps he tried. His breath shuddering out of him, Kylo put a hand against his heart. Tears pricked his eyes again, and he rubbed them away furiously. These days, he would just cry at the drop of a hat.

Bits of memory came back to him from last night. Hux’s face hovering in front of him, concerned and just so fucking righteous. At the moment, he had never been happier to see a person in his life, but now belated hatred curdled in his stomach, tempered by fear.

Kylo stretched his arms and legs as much as he could within the cage, marveling at the feeling. Everything ached. His head, his neck, arms, legs, the small of his back. It felt so fucking good just to move again that he almost started crying again.

He remembered scraps of memory, of Hux washing him. He flushed in embarrassment, unimaginably relieved to find himself clothed. He felt torn apart and stitched back together, like he barely even belonged to himself anymore. He hugged his arms around himself, trying to shove that sentiment back as far as it would go.

Kylo looked to his right and saw the box still sitting there, lid open just a little bit. Fear came like acid up his throat, and he flinched just from the sight of it. Without consulting him, his mind started to race with panicked thoughts. Why was the box still out? Was Hux going to put him back in it? No, no no. He couldn’t take it again. He almost went crazy last time, he couldn’t, he _couldn’t_.

A broken sob escaped his lips. Kylo pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and forced himself to get back under control. He managed to get his mind slowed down, but the jittery feeling of fear was there to stay. His hugged his knees, but his eyes kept straying back over to the box. He could feel his chest begin to tighten like he was in the straitjacket. He breathed through his mouth, clenching his eyes shut with an effort.

He was still so dazed and panicked that Kylo didn’t even hear the sounds from upstairs that meant Hux was awake. His footsteps down the stairs caught Kylo by surprise, and he flinched back against the far corner of the cage, wishing he could get farther away.

He watched Hux with wide eyes, still hugging his knees protectively.

Hux smiled at him and set down a bowl of food before pulling up the stool. He unlocked the padlock and swung the cage door open before settling himself on the footstool. His brown loafers tapped casually against the ground.

Kylo didn’t move an inch. He didn’t even think about escape. His entire attention was zeroed in on Hux.

When Kylo didn’t move, Hux chuckled lightly. He seemed in a very good mood. “Don’t be silly. I’m sure you want to stretch a little. Come here.”

Kylo didn’t want to get out of the cage, where at least he was safe. He dug his fingers into his arm, leaving white marks.

Hux’s smile dimmed. “Kylo. I _said_ come here. Now.”

Hux’s shifting mood sent a bolt of anxiety through Kylo. Kylo unclamped his fingers and shuffled forward, every muscle aching. He got out of the cage and Hux pointed a finger at his feet. “Right here. On your knees.”

Kylo got to his knees in front of Hux, his hands twisting nervously in his lap. He had the room to stretch now, but his shoulders remained hunched in defensively. He kept aiming little looks up at Hux’s face.

Hux was smiling again. Kylo relaxed minutely. “It is such a nice morning, don’t you think?”

Kylo kind of nodded his head a little. His voice was all dried up, he didn’t think he could say anything if he tried. He remembered scream-crying, telling Hux that he was sorry. He flushed again, stared at Hux’s shoes.

Hux sighed. “Not much of a conversationalist today, eh? That’s okay.”

He reached behind him and picked up the bowl of food. “I’m sure you’re hungry. I’ve got you a little breakfast.”

Hux was holding the bowl out, and Kylo thought he wanted him to take it. He reached up for the bowl tentatively and Hux smacked his hands down. “Did I tell you you could take it?” He snapped.

Kylo flinched violently and scooted back a step, a small sound of surprise coming out. All his muscles were wound tight, and he wanted to run, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He was frozen in terror.

Hux snapped and pointed back at his feet. “Kylo. I said right here.”

Kylo unwillingly moved closer to Hux. Tears were pricking his eyes again. He hated himself for crying, but couldn’t help it. It was just an automatic reaction.

Kylo braced himself for another hit, his shoulders up around his ears.

Hux’s voice had softened. “Oh, hey, there’s no need for that. Come on, look at me.”

Fingers pushed his chin up gently so that he met Hux’s eyes. Tears threatened to fall, but Kylo bit his lip in a desperate attempt to stop them. His heart was hammering against his chest.

Hux’s expression was almost kindly. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

Hysterical laughter almost bubbled out of Kylo, but he shoved that down hard. “Are you-” His throat closed up so he couldn’t continue. Hux waited patiently with his fingers under his chin. “Are- are you going to put me back in th-there?” Kylo’s voice was wavering and quiet.

Hux looked over at the box in the corner like he’d forgotten it was there. He looked back at Kylo. His expression was still kindly, but Kylo could see something cold and calculating behind his eyes. “Are you going to behave?”

Kylo nodded. It seemed very important to communicate this to Hux. “Yes, I’ll be good. I promise.”

Hux looked at him for a long moment, judging his sincerity. “Then no. I think you’ve learned your lesson.”

He lowered his hand and Kylo wilted in relief. He scrubbed the tears away furiously.

“Would it make you feel better if I put it back in storage?” Hux asked him.

Kylo nodded. “Please.” He almost whispered.

“Alright then. Come on. You have to eat.” Hux said, tapping him on the arm.

Hux held out a spoonful of oatmeal. Kylo felt that shame clawing up his back again, but opened his mouth and ate it.

The oatmeal had cream, brown sugar, and blueberries in it, but Kylo swallowed it down like it was tasteless gruel.

Hux was talking again. “It’s getting to be the time of year when I should really clean out the gutters and repaint the shed out back, but I never have time. I usually work such long hours, and of course now I have you to care of, I really don’t know when I’ll get the time. Snoke is really getting to be a pain in my side. I’m supposed to be meeting with him today over some land questions on the west coast, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he postpones the meeting. Again. He thinks that counts as a power move, when it really just serves to piss me off. He’s become too complacent. Thinks he’s going to run things forever, but not if I have anything to do with it.”

He kept on discoursing, every few seconds feeding Kylo another bite of oatmeal. Kylo really didn’t feel all that hungry, but he opened his mouth dutifully and ate the oatmeal. Every time he did, Hux seemed to be studying him. He looked pleased whenever Kylo took another bite, smiling a little but continuing to chat.

Kylo felt that helpless feeling coursing over him again. He knew it shouldn’t bother him, being fed instead of allowed to eat himself, it was such a tiny thing compared to all his other problems, but every time he ate another bite, he felt pressure constricting his chest. It was more important to make Hux happy, he told himself sternly, but here he was, being fed, not even able to control the pace. He wanted to scream, to pound his fists against something, but he just meekly chewed the food.

He felt like he was tied up in the box again, unable to move while Hux force-fed him. The only difference now was that he could see it happening. He didn’t know when this became his life, hanging on the whim of someone else. He found himself watching Hux’s deft fingers, thinking about how comforting it had been when Hux touched him. The last few days had been the worst of his life, but he had retained a certain fascination with Hux’s hands.

Hux gave him some water to drink and then put the plates on the table.

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?” Hux asked.

Kylo flushed to the roots of his hair, the shame still a little too fresh. He shook his head.

Hux stood up, putting the stool back in the corner. Kylo stayed where he was. “Okay, well, you need to stand up and stretch a little. Your muscles have been under a lot of strain, and it’ll only get worse if you don’t loosen them up a little.”

Kylo stood up and the blood rushed to his head. He staggered and put one hand on the wall to brace himself. His legs were watery and he wobbled on his feet.

Hux watched him with a keen expression. “See what I mean?”

Kylo was still kind of hunched in on himself. He didn’t want to stretch, it felt dangerous, but Hux was staring at him, so he did what he was told. He shook out his arms and legs, and every ache and pain came back to him in a second. He groaned.

Hux was smiling. “Your back is what needs it the most. Straighten that out or I’ll come over there and do it myself.”

Kylo took a step back in response, following Hux’s instructions. Once Hux was satisfied, he came over and took Kylo’s arm, steering him back into the cage. Kylo watched him lock the door with a dull despair.

Hux wasn’t done yet. “Now, let no one say I’m not a man of my word.” To Kylo’s inexpressible relief, he picked up the box and dragged it out of sight, putting it somewhere in the back.

* * *

Over the next few days, things fell into a kind of routine. Hux would come down in the morning and at night with food. He’d put Kylo on his knees in front of him and feed him while telling him about his day or whatever other subject came into his mind. He’d allow Kylo to use the bathroom, turning his back to give him a little bit of privacy. Then, he would lock him back in the cage for the night. Kylo let this all happen with hollow obedience. He still knew he had to escape, but now the idea filled him with a dull terror. He wouldn’t try again unless he had a very good chance of making it. Right now, all he could do was survive.

Twice, Hux shackled his hands to the wall and gave him a shower. These were the only instances where Kylo offered any kind of resistance. The first time, he struggled until Hux slapped him so hard he drew blood, splitting his lip. Kylo closed his eyes as his wrists were shackled above his head and weathered it. Hux never tried anything untoward, but that somehow didn’t make Kylo feel any better. He was still naked and vulnerable, at the mercy of the man holding him captive. The second time, he ventured in a quiet voice that he could do this himself and Hux could just turn his back. Hux gave him a warning look with enough irritation in it that Kylo dropped the subject, cowed. He turned his face into the wall and tried to keep his shoulders from shaking as he cried.

Kylo’s time spent in the box had weakened him somehow. Perhaps it was just the simple shock of what Hux had done, the realization that Hux wasn’t just going to slap him around a little and humiliate him, but that he was willing to push Kylo to his limits to get what he wanted. It was beginning to dawn on him just how much trouble he was really in.

After about a week and a half of this, something changed. Hux came home earlier than usual. He puttered around upstairs for a while, before coming down the stairs again. He was carrying a wooden container that he placed on the worktable.

Kylo was sitting with his head leaning against the bars. Earlier that day, he had been overwhelmed with hysterics. He had explored every bar in the cage, every opening, hoping to find some chink that he could manipulate to get free, but this was a brand-new cage, free of any blemish. Hux had probably bought the cage for him specifically. This thought sent a shiver down Kylo’s spine. The more he looked, the more frustrated he became, until he was shaking the bars as hard as he could, kicking at the door with his bare feet as if that would do anything, screaming at the top of his lungs. He knew it wouldn’t do any good, but he was desperate, and he couldn’t stand it anymore, being cooped up in such a small cage, not able to stretch his legs out properly or even stand. He screamed and cursed and hit, but nothing gave, and he found himself lying on the cage floor again, trying to stop the floodgates of tears. He was so scared that he was never going to get out of this cage, that this was his whole life now.

Kylo watched Hux with dull eyes, expecting them to go through the same process they always did. Maybe he had a meeting tonight, so they were doing it earlier.

Hux looked at him and clapped his hands together. He was in a cheery mood. “Good afternoon! I have the whole day off tomorrow. I thought we might try something new.”

Kylo stared at him, but he seemed to be waiting for a response. “What?” He asked, a little nervously.

Hux smiled. “I thought you could help me make dinner.”

Kylo stared at him, like the words he was saying weren’t making any sense. “I don’t see a portable stovetop down here, Hux, so how would I do that?”

Right after those words came out of his mouth, he froze. He shouldn’t have said something like that, but he was just so tired.

Thankfully, Hux didn’t take offense. “Well, I never wanted you to stay down here in the basement all the time. We just had to get used to each other. But now I think you’re ready to come upstairs for a little bit. What do you think?”

Kylo’s heart leapt up into his throat. His eyes flicked over to the stairs. Stretching his legs. Seeing what his chances for escape were. He sat up a little straighter. “Okay.”

Hux smiled again. He liked seeing Kylo eager to please. He unlocked the door and swung it open. He pointed at the footstool, and Kylo crawled out of the cage, stretching his back before sitting obediently on the stool. He had to admit, he was a little excited. At least it was something different.

Hux had turned to the container, pulling something out. “I just need to take some precautions. It’ll help me trust you.”

He turned around, and he was holding two heavy leather ankle cuffs with a short chain between them. Kylo’s stomach sank when he saw it, but he offered no protest when Hux came over and buckled the ankle restraints on. They were a snug fit, and the short chain would only allow for a shuffling walk. He wouldn’t be running anywhere, that was for sure. He grimaced while Hux checked to make sure they were tight.

There were matching cuffs for his wrists, and Kylo had to force himself to stay still while Hux buckled them up in front of him. If this was the price he had to pay to go upstairs, he was willing to pay it. He dropped his hands into his lap when Hux stepped away. He went back over to the box and got something else.

“There’s one more thing. This is going to be more of a permanent addition. You won’t like it at first, but it’ll mean you get to come upstairs and have a little more moving room.” Hux said.

He turned around holding a brown leather collar. Kylo’s eyes widened in horror; his heart dropped into his stomach. He had to swallow down acid in his throat. He shook his head wildly and leaned back. “No. N-no, no way. You’re not putting that on me.”

Hux looked at him calmly. “You don’t get a choice.”

Kylo got to his feet and backed up, hampered by the restraints. He was still shaking his head. He was back in fight-or-flight mode. The idea was so repellent to him he didn’t even want to think of it. He could handle being cuffed even if he didn’t like it. But this? Being marked as something that belonged to someone else? No. “No.” Kylo’s voice wavered. His back hit the wall and he startled.

Hux was advancing on him slowly, like someone trying to get close to a cornered animal. “I understand that you don’t want it. I want you to think of it as a reminder. It’s a reminder that you’re mine, that you belong to me.”

Kylo’s breath was coming faster. He was scared again. “No, you can’t.”

Hux stood right in front of him, touching distance, although he didn’t. “It’s not so bad. I think you’re overreacting a little bit.”

Kylo barked out a desperate laugh. “No I am _not_! It’s – you can’t treat me like a fucking _dog_!”

Hux put a hand on his arm. Kylo tried to shy away, but Hux tightened his grip. “You’re not an animal. That’s not what this is about. You’re very special to me.”

Kylo let out half-sob. “No? Then what is this about?”

“I know you’re tempted by thoughts of escape. I want a physical reminder for you, so that even when I’m not here, you’ll know that you belong to me.”

“You can’t _own_ me!” Kylo spat.

Hux looked at him patronizingly. “Oh, sweetheart. I already do.”

Kylo screamed, but Hux spun him around, putting the collar around his neck and buckling it securely in the back. Kylo tried to buck him off, but he was unsuccessful. Kylo shouted and cursed. “Get _off of me_! Just let me go! Just let me go!” He howled, bursting into furious tears. His hands were trapped between him and the wall, and his cheek was mashed against it.

There were two sturdy straps in the back that Hux buckled in. The collar was snug against his neck but not tight. Kylo stopped struggling when he heard the small click of a lock being closed. There would be no way for him to take the collar off unless he had the key. He sagged against the wall, suddenly exhausted again.

Hux checked to make sure the collar was secure before spinning Kylo back around. He examined him carefully and then nodded in approval.

Kylo was hyperventilating. He grabbed at his neck, trying to unbuckle the collar in the back. He was at an awkward angle, and the lock prevented him taking it off anyway.

He stared at Hux with red-rimmed eyes. “Take it off. _Please_. You don’t need it. It’s horrible, it’s, it’s humiliating. Take it off.” His voice was hoarse.

Hux looked at him pityingly. “I’m afraid this is non-negotiable, dear.”

Kylo growled in frustration, anger overcoming his fear for the moment. He lunged forward, hammering his fists against Hux’s chest. That was all he could really do with the cuffs on. Hux stepped back one, looking a little surprised. “Woah there.” He said with a laugh, holding Kylo at arm’s length.

Kylo was back to trying to claw it off. He stretched his neck like that would help somehow. Furious tears threatened to fall. “_Please_ take it off of me. I’m not a dog. I – I – I can’t breathe, I don’t-”

Hux smoothed his thumbs over Kylo’s shoulders. “Yes, you can. You’re just having a bit of a panic attack.”

A choked sound was caught in Kylo’s throat. “_Gee_, I wonder why?” He banged his head back against the wall.

Hux was frowning now. “Kylo, enough of this. Calm down.”

Kylo could feel every ounce of fight draining out of him by the second. He looked at Hux with desperate eyes. Maybe if he could just say it right, if he could string the right words together, Hux would _listen_ to him. “Please? I’ll be good without it.”

Hux, with his red hair perfectly coiffed and sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up, looked perfectly unconcerned. His expression had grown stern, thin eyebrows straight across. “I’ll put it this way. You can calm down and come upstairs for dinner, or you can stay down here hungry. Either way, the collar stays on.”

Kylo’s lips trembled, and he sunk down the wall into a heap. Hux watched him dispassionately. A few tears fell down his cheeks, but he managed to keep himself from openly sobbing. He fantasized about choking Hux to death, of stabbing him somewhere tender and running away.

When Hux offered him a hand up, Kylo wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. Instead, he took the hand and got to his feet.

Hux went for the stairs, and Kylo had a black moment where he thought if Hux patted his leg and told him to ‘_C’mon_’ he just might start screaming. Hux didn’t. He just started mounting the stairs and expected Kylo to follow him. After a moment, Kylo did.

The ankle restraints allowed him to walk, just not very quickly. The chain was just long enough to allow him to mount the stairs, although the chain was pulled taut every time he stepped. He followed Hux up into the kitchen. He had to hold on tight to the bannister in case he tripped.

It was the golden hour, and warm light streamed in through the windows to bounce off the counters. Kylo blinked. He hadn’t even realized how dim and cool it was down in the basement. The kitchen was nice and open. There was a bowl of fruit on the counter. The previous two times he had been in here he had been panicked and not really paying attention. He felt strange and out of place.

Instinctively, his eyes went to the back door he’d used before. With the restraints on, there was no way he would even make it out the door, and even if he could, he’d already tried that way, and it had ended in disaster. If he was going to escape, he needed a different plan.

Kylo stood awkwardly by the cellar door while Hux went over to the fridge and started pulling out fresh produce and placing it on the countertop.

Kylo’s fingers went to worry at the collar again. He swallowed, feeling the pressure against his throat. It felt like he was choking, but he knew that was just the panic. He tried to force it out of his mind, because if he thought about it too much he would lose it again and start screaming.

Hux turned around and saw Kylo hovering near the door, unsure. He smiled widely, beckoning him closer. “Don’t be silly and just stand there. Come on over!”

Kylo shuffled a little closer to the edge of the counter, although he refused to come any closer. Hux seemed to accept this, because he went back to work bustling around in the cabinets and laying things out.

Kylo took the chance to surreptitiously look around the room. No phone in sight. Besides the cellar and back door, there was a dining area and then another door that led out to the rest of the house. He looked for any kinds of weapons, but he couldn’t even see a knife rack. He wondered if Hux had moved the knives out of sight before he came up. It was certainly possible.

Room categorized, Kylo went back to looking at Hux. He seemed perfectly at ease in this space, moving deftly around. It was almost like he was hosting a cooking show, just in the easy way he utilized everything. Kylo felt weird. He couldn’t put a finger on it. He felt dirty or out of place, like he wasn’t supposed to be in here. He felt the pressure of the collar again and swallowed. Hux said he was allowed in here, so it was fine. No, that’s fucked up. He’s a person, of course he’s allowed in a kitchen, for god’s sake. He didn’t need Hux to tell him what he could or couldn’t do, Kylo grimly told himself, even though in the mess he found himself in, he absolutely had to listen to what Hux would or wouldn’t allow. Kylo’s head started to throb. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t out of place in this kitchen, although that didn’t change the weird pressure in his chest and around his throat. He dug his nails into his palms and scrunched his eyes closed, breathing out through his nose. He felt dizzy.

Hux looked over at him, and not for the first time, Kylo got that uncomfortable feeling that he knew exactly what he was thinking. “I want you to wash these blueberries for me. Put them in this plastic bowl when you’re done, okay?”

Kylo practically jumped to follow the instruction. It was something to think about besides how dizzy he felt. “Okay.” He answered hoarsely, his voice still croaky from screaming earlier.

He walked slowly over to the sink. Hux put a hand on the small of his back and guided him into place, and then handed him a carton of blueberries. There was a plastic bowl sitting in the sink.

Hux pulled a small paring knife from somewhere and began chopping up vegetables.

Kylo stared down at the blueberries like he had no idea what to do with them. His forehead felt clammy and he wasn’t sure why. With difficulty because of the restraints, he got the top off and shook a handful into his hands, turning the water on. His hands were shaking, and almost half of the berries fell into the drain with a plinking sound. Kylo flinched prematurely, like Hux was going to admonish him. He looked up in a half-panic, but Hux didn’t even seem to notice. He was chopping away at the vegetables and seemingly wasn’t paying attention to Kylo.

Kylo tried again, getting the washed berries into the bowl. He stared down at the berries in the drain. Should he pick them out? Wash them again? Or should he throw them away? But if he threw them away, Hux might notice. He might be annoyed. How hard is it to wash some berries? Anyone could do it.

Kylo heaved out a shuddering breath. He was trying to appear as calm as possible. He didn’t know why he was reacting like this.

Kylo got another handful, but he couldn’t pull his hands apart very far, and a few fell into the drain again. He jolted visibly.

Hux looked up from his vegetables, his knife stilling. “You doing okay, Kylo?”

Kylo whipped his head up and stared at him with wide eyes for a second, groping around for an acceptable answer. “I – I dropped some in the sink. I’m sorry.” He rushed to add. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. His heart was beating really fast for some reason, and he waited, frozen, for Hux to get angry, to hit him or drag him back down to the basement. There was another part of him that was screaming at him for being such a wimp. _Why are you apologizing? Who cares? You should throw them all on the ground and spit in his face! Fuck him!_

There was a lock of hair that was hanging over Hux’s forehead that Kylo was distracted by. Hux shrugged and smiled. “That’s okay. Just toss them in the trash if they’re too ruined. Bin’s on your right.”

Kylo deflated in relief. Hux went back to chopping vegetables. Kylo looked under the sink, and there was the trash can. He picked up the berries and threw them away. He went back to washing the rest of them, taking care not to drop any more. His hands were still trembling minutely, and he couldn’t get them to stop. Shame pooled in his stomach following his relief. There was a very snide voice at the back of his mind that he couldn’t get to quiet. _Oh, so you’re jumping at his orders now, huh? Forget trying to escape, just do whatever this asshole tells you to_. He dug his nails into his palm, trying to force that to the background. He had to stop himself from clawing at his throat again.

Hux’s chopping became a constant rhythm. Kylo finished his task and started watching him. He had a sudden vision of Hux asking him politely to put his hand on the cutting board. In his vision, Kylo did without question. Hux never stopped slicing. Blood sprayed.

Kylo jolted himself out of that fantasy. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Hux looked up at him as he finished. He picked up the knife and walked toward Kylo. Kylo rocked back, the small of his back hitting the counter. Hux stepped around him and put the knife into the dishwasher. He moved Kylo bodily back to the other side of the counter. Kylo’s skin prickled where Hux touched him.

Hux turned the heat on and started to warm up oil in the pan. There was something hypnotic and distracting about his movements, how assured he was. Kylo just felt more out-of-place in comparison. He turned back to Kylo. “I realize I’ve been terribly self-centered so far. I haven’t really asked you any questions about yourself. Did you use to cook much?”

Kylo barely had time to register both the abrupt conversation change and the past tense before he was compelled to answer. He stared for a moment, unsure if Hux was serious. He shrugged. “I dunno. I do takeout. TV dinners sometimes, I guess.”

Hux added the vegetables in the pan and they began to steam and turn pearlescent. “I suppose there wasn’t much in that tiny trailer. And your mother used to do most of the cooking when you were a child, I’m guessing. From what I’ve heard of Han Solo, I doubt he was much use in the kitchen.”

Familiar anger jolted Kylo. He glared. “Don’t you fucking talk about my parents. You don’t know anything about them. Or me.”

Hux stirred the vegetables. “Oh, don’t you worry, I don’t have any interest in your family. And I have told you before, Ben. No language.”

Hux cut off his retort halfway. “Hand me the chicken from the fridge.”

Mulish stubbornness welled up in Kylo’s chest. He was tired of being ordered around. “And if I don’t?”

Hux turned around and studied him calmly. He was closer to the fridge than Kylo was. “Then you will make me very angry, and I will devise an appropriate punishment for you.”

Kylo ground his teeth and glared. He only lasted a couple of seconds. Something about his displacement in this kitchen and the pressure around his neck compelled him to obey. He stalked over to the fridge. Marinated chicken was in a dish in the fridge, and it took a little bit of maneuvering to get it out with the cuffs on. He handed it to Hux and went back to his place at the edge of the counter.

Hux started cooking the chicken. He continued the conversation like it hadn’t been interrupted. “I like cooking. I find it a very relaxing activity. I don’t like the thought of how undernourished you must have been. You’re the kind of person who needs someone to take care of them.”

Kylo’s fingers went to the collar again, worrying over it like a tongue over a missing tooth. “And that person is you?” He said spitefully.

“Well, yes. I’m looking after your wellbeing.” Hux said.

Kylo couldn’t help himself. “You’re keeping me here against my will. You put a _collar_ on me, like a dog. I don’t see how that’s-”

Hux put down the wooden spoon and stalked a few steps closer. His back was straight, and he radiated power in every line. His expression was grim. Kylo stumbled back a step.

“Need I remind you that I saved your life? I am housing and feeding you, helping you curb your more self-destructive tendencies. You needed a little discipline in your life, some routine, and I’m giving it to you.” Hux spoke quietly but his tone was cold. Kylo could sense the danger in the room. If he continued pissing Hux off, he might not let him back upstairs for a while. Right now, his escape hinged on appeasing Hux.

Kylo stared at him, didn’t say anything. He privately seethed, full of latent irritation with everyone else in his life that tried to do things ‘for his own good’. Luke tried, but he always thought he knew best. Kylo didn’t like the sentiment any better this time.

Hux continued. “I did my reading on you. You have proven yourself to be incapable of making good decisions and taking care of yourself. I am making these decisions for you from now on.”

It took every ounce of patience in Kylo to not retaliate. He swallowed down any retort he had. Hatred boiled in him, looking at Hux’s mild face, so sure of himself. Silence reigned in the kitchen. Hux seemed to be waiting for something. There was no way Kylo could say anything. He broke eye contact first, looking down at the counter.

Hux went back to cooking. “Set the table. Two plates. They’re in the cabinet above you.”

Kylo opened the door. “Wow, I get one too?” He said sarcastically, under his breath. He wasn’t sure if Hux had heard him.

He put the plates on the table. He toyed with the idea of putting his plate on the far side of the table, but figured that would be a stupid and pointless rebellion.

Hux was spooning the chicken and vegetables onto a platter. “Glasses and silverware too.”

Kylo followed Hux’s directions of where to find the glasses. Hux pointed over at the silverware drawer to the right of the stove. Kylo walked over, cursing under his breath when he tripped from the short chain. He opened the drawer, pulled out two forks, then two butter knives. Hux put a light hand on his arm. “Just one knife.”

Kylo looked sharply at Hux. “Come on, are you fucking kidding me? What the hell am I going to do with a butter knife?”

Hux’s face hardened. He moved quick. He hooked a finger into the ring in the front of the collar, and yanked Kylo’s head down to slam against the countertop. The drawer slammed shut from Kylo hitting it with his waist. Kylo spluttered in surprise. The stove was still on, and his face was dangerously close to the flame.

Hux didn’t even need to lean down to get Kylo’s attention. He held him down easily. “What did I tell you about cursing not even ten minutes ago?”

Kylo gasped, trying unsuccessfully to pull himself away from the baking heat. His hands were trapped by his weight in the silverware drawer, and he wasn’t even able to kick his feet. “H-Hux, the stove-”

Hux didn’t move. He casually moved the platter of food farther down the counter so it wouldn’t get pushed accidentally. “I don’t like repeating myself, Ben. I asked you a question.”

Kylo choked and gasped. The heat was starting to hurt his cheeks, like holding a hand for too long over a candle flame. “You- you said not to.”

“Then why did you do it? I told you I won’t tolerate disrespect, and yet you continue to flaunt my orders. It’s as if you don’t understand who’s in charge here. Are you really as unintelligent as some people think you are that you truly don’t understand?” Hux mused.

Kylo strained to get away. From his angle, all he could really see was the stove, Hux’s arm, and the broad expanse of his chest. “N-no, Hux, _please_…”

“Then are you trying to make me angry, is that it? Because if so, you’re proceeding admirably.” Hux said.

Kylo grunted and clenched his eyes shut. “Please let me go, it _hurts_.”

“I’m waiting for an answer. I’d truly like to understand.” Hux said.

Kylo struggled futilely. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t _know_! I’m scared! I’m frustrated! I don’t know what to do!” He shouted.

Hux considered that for a moment. “While I certainly understand your self-destructive impulses, that doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate them. I’m done giving you leeway. It’s time to start behaving yourself. Understand?”

Kylo was nearly in agony. “Yes, yes, I understand! I understand! I’m sorry!”

“Drop the knife.” Hux ordered.

Kylo nearly jumped over himself to do just that. He dropped all the silverware. Hux released him. He slid back onto the ground, scooting back a couple of paces. His cuffed hands came up to cradle his face, feeling for damage. His breathing was erratic and ragged, and he was trembling all over.

Hux ignored him for the moment, turning the stove off before putting the food on the table, providing the silverware himself. He then put some ice into a paper towel, coming over and crouching down next to Kylo.

Kylo whimpered and flinched back, his eyes huge and trained on Hux.

Hux reached a hand up. “Here, let me see.” He pulled Kylo’s hand down and examined his face carefully before pressing the ice against it. Kylo hissed but didn’t pull away. “You’re not burned, it’s just a little red. It’ll be alright in a few minutes.”

Kylo shivered compulsively and drank in every movement Hux made. The ice was pleasant, and then it too began to hurt. Hux pulled it away at just the right moment and stood up. “Let’s eat.”

Hux walked over and sat down at the table without waiting for Kylo. Kylo grabbed the edge of the counter and pulled himself up, his legs unsteady under him. His pulse throbbed in his throat, pressing against the collar.

He took his seat next to Hux and watched silently as Hux portioned food out onto both of their plates. Hux speared a piece of chicken and put it onto his plate, and did the same to Kylo’s, then leaned over and started to slice the chicken into pieces for him. He was very close, and Kylo could smell his aftershave.

Kylo watched him cut up his food for him, and the shame pooled in his stomach again. He hunched down in his seat.

Hux sat back, starting in on his own food. Kylo didn’t follow suit right away, just watched him eat.

Hux glanced over at him. “Kylo, eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” He said quietly. It was true. Their confrontation had sapped any ounce of appetite he’d had.

Hux didn’t pause. “I didn’t ask if you were hungry. I told you to eat.”

Kylo relented, picking up the fork at an awkward angle and taking a bite. His hands were still shaking of their own accord, and it was difficult to spear anything.

“Mm, I think that marinade really took to it. I wasn’t sure if it would. What do you think?” Hux asked.

Kylo shrugged noncommittally. He chewed and swallowed with effort. It was awkward holding the fork in his hand and moving both hands up to eat. He wasn’t hungry, but forced himself to keep spearing bites, mechanically. Hux ate with gusto, slicing each piece of chicken carefully before eating it. He began to chat about this and that, keeping up the house, where he bought all his ingredients.

Kylo’s temples began to pound. He felt the power difference keenly. He was only upstairs because Hux allowed it. Hux had collared him, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He wasn’t allowed to touch even a butter knife, or even decide not to eat if he didn’t want. Even this, sitting next to Hux, was only because he allowed it. He could just as easily have ordered Kylo to kneel next to him, and there would be nothing he could do about it. Kylo’s stomach turned over, and he had to swallow back acid.

Hux was already polishing off his plate, washing it down with white wine. He’d given Kylo water. Kylo looked down at his plate in despair. He was hardly halfway done, and he felt like he couldn’t eat another bite.

Hux sat back, digesting. He swirled the rest of his wine around in the glass, watching Kylo contemplatively. “Why is it you’re on the bottom of the Resistance food chain smuggling weapons instead of on your way to running the place? Do your parents resent you? Leia Organa doesn’t seem the type, but I’m betting Han Solo isn’t handing out warm hugs and playing catch on the weekends.”

Kylo coughed and dropped the fork. He whipped his head up and stared at Hux. “What?”

Hux’s eyes were dark and easy, his smile lazy. Kylo was struck by the strange, completely out-of-nowhere thought that he was objectively very handsome. “A simple question. I have my theories, but I’d like to know.”

Kylo bit back the automatic ‘_None of your damn business_’ that threatened to come out. He sneered instead. “You said it yourself. They hate me.”

Hux hit him hard on the back of the head. Kylo let out a choked sound of surprise. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve asked around, but word of mouth can only get you so far.”

Kylo pressed his lips together, disturbed by the thought of Hux asking about him. Hux continued. “The reigning theory is that you and that scrapper Rey are romantically involved and your parents don’t approve. Maybe you two even eloped, had an illegitimate child. And why _would_ they like it? Rey came from nowhere. She’s a nobody.”

“Don’t talk about Rey like that. She’s worth more than ten of anyone.” Kylo muttered angrily.

Kylo stared, but Hux could hold out longer. At long last, Kylo shrugged and looked away. “Me and Rey aren’t together. It doesn’t have anything to do with her.” He said quietly. Under the table, he sneaked a finger under one of the cuffs and dug his fingernail hard into the soft flesh of his wrist.

Hux sipped more of the wine. “Well, then what’s the real story?”

Kylo glared at him poisonously. “Why do you want to know?” He snapped.

Hux put a hand on his knee and squeezed gently. Kylo froze. “Because I want to know everything about you.”

Kylo didn’t respond, and Hux squeezed harder. “Do I need to make you?” He threatened softly.

Kylo shut his eyes and breathed out through his nose. He’d only ever told Rey about this, and he resented being forced to dredge it up. “My mom had me working with my uncle Luke and two other new guys. We were supposed to break some Resistance guys who’d been captured out of lock-up. It was some shithole little sheriff’s office, three employees. It should have been a piece of cake. Luke had been doing this for years, he wanted to take the safe approach from the back. I guess I decided to pull rank and go in through the front. It was brash, and, and stupid. One of the new guys was arrested. The other one was shot. Luke almost didn’t make it out. He never said it, but I know he hated me after that. How could he not? It was all my fuc- all my fault.”

Hux took a sip of wine. “Did your mother feel the same way?”

Kylo let out an unsteady breath. “She said she didn’t, but I knew she was disappointed. I knew I blew it. I thought it would be better if I just… Did grunt work. It suits me more than making – making decisions.”

“Hmm.” Hux’s voice was thoughtful. “So more of a self-imposed exile. Penitence. Interesting.”

Kylo waited for some other deeply personal question he would be compelled to answer, but it didn’t come. Hux removed his hand. “Thank you for telling me.” He said.

Kylo opened his eyes in surprise. “That’s it?” He asked.

Hux smiled as if he were amused. “I don’t have some sort of ulterior motive, you know. I’m just curious about you.”

Kylo blinked suspiciously. “Um, okay…”

“I just can’t help finding it a little sad that your own mother would send you to the bottom of the barrel for making a simple mistake. Isn’t it a mother’s job to forgive her children? Perhaps she thought her role as Resistance leader was more important than you.” Hux said.

Kylo frowned. “You don’t know the first thing about it. It wasn’t a simple mistake, it was a massive fuck-up. Screw-up. Sorry. She was doing what she thought was best. Plus, it was kind of my idea.”

Hux held his hands up and smiled sardonically. “Woah, there. There’s no need to get defensive. I was only making a simple observation. And was it really your idea, or did she float it first? Perhaps Luke did? And you simply acquiesced.”

Kylo scrambled for words. “It’s not- She didn’t- It wasn’t _like_ that, okay? It was best for everyone.”

Hux nodded. “Okay. I can see how convincing she was. No wonder she’s in charge of the Resistance.”

Kylo stared down at his plate and seethed, a strange roiling in his stomach. It wasn’t like Hux was saying anything he hadn’t thought of before. He _had_ been a little resentful, however unfairly. Duty to the greater good, that was his mom, all right.

Hux tapped the table. “Finish your food. It’s getting late.”

Kylo looked at him for a moment longer before finishing his plate. He was quiet, thinking about what Hux had said.

After he was finished, Hux had him clean up the table and put everything into the dishwasher while he had another glass of wine. Kylo almost didn’t mind doing work. He wanted to get away from Hux’s cloying company. This entire evening had been strange and he wasn’t any closer to escaping.

After everything was put away, Hux led him back down to the basement. He had him sit down in the cage before kneeling down and undoing the wrist and ankle cuffs. Kylo was glad to see them go, rubbing his sore wrists to get some feeling back into them.

One thing he didn’t take off was the collar. Some of Kylo’s panicky claustrophobia came back, and he grabbed at Hux’s hand as he moved away. “Wait! What about this?” His hand flew up to worry at the collar.

Hux was already standing up. He closed the cage door and padlocked it, pushing Kylo back. “I told you already, that’s staying on. Have a good night, Kylo.”

He walked up the stairs, leaving Kylo staring desperately after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra-long chapter for you, delivering on some of those tags finally. I think Kylo's finally starting to get a glimmering of how much trouble he's in. Not that it'll do him much good.


	6. Chapter 6

Hux got home exhausted. He had to take a shower and relax for a few hours before he went downstairs. He was looking forward to seeing Kylo. He was coming along quite well. Yesterday had been a bit of a gamble, and a big step forward. Giving him the collar at the same time that he was allowed up in the kitchen hopefully melted together in his mind. Kylo’s odd, twitchy behavior once he was in the kitchen perhaps proved his point. Kylo followed all his orders, up to a point. Hux knew he had to be patient. Baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

When he went downstairs, Kylo was curled up facing away from the stairs. He didn’t move when Hux came down. Hux went into the other room and set up the kit before coming back and settling on the footstool as had become their schedule. He opened the cage door and waited. Kylo didn’t react.

Hux sighed. “Come on, Kylo. I know you’re not asleep.”

There was a long pause before Kylo sat up and turned around. He was hunched in on himself, and he came forward and kneeled at Hux’s feet. His hair was disheveled, and he didn’t look at Hux at all. Hux studied him, seeing the red scratch marks around his neck. He wondered if Kylo had been trying to tear the collar off in his sleep.

“A good evening would be nice to hear. Some kind of greeting at least.” Hux prompted, knocking a finger under his chin to make him look up.

Kylo focused on him with difficulty. His eyes were red like he had been crying. “Good evening.” Kylo said listlessly.

Hux frowned. He didn’t like this zombielike behavior. “Hey now, what’s wrong?” He asked.

Kylo’s face underwent the flurry of emotions it so often did. Restrained anger, fear, and even hysterics flitted across his face before he got a hold of himself. He looked up at Hux like he was seeking something from him, face open and desperate. That was one of Hux’s favorite expressions. “What do you want me to say? You told me not to lie.” He said, voice reedy.

“And I don’t want you to.” Hux said.

Kylo’s red-rimmed eyes stared at him. “You know what’s wrong. Don’t make me say it.”

Hux’s eyes slid down to the collar around Kylo’s neck. It was brown leather and fit snugly around his throat, with straps and two small rings, front and back. The sight gave him a thrill. Kylo looked so good in it, and it meant that he was, in no uncertain terms, his. Even the thought of it made something possessive inside him rear its head. He stroked the edge of it, and Kylo shuddered. “It isn’t all that bad, my dear. You’ll come to see things my way.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Kylo muttered. It was neither a lie or disrespect, so Hux let it slide.

“Come on, eat.” Hux said.

Kylo obediently opened his mouth and ate. His eyes were unfocused and he seemed to be miles away. He was adjusting to the small, recurring pieces of obedience. Hux was sure that Kylo thought it was a small price to pay for waiting for an opening to escape, but Hux knew better. This was building muscle memory. The more times Kylo allowed himself to be submissive, the easier it was for Hux to give him orders. He was falling into line bit by bit.

Hux looked down at Kylo, crumpled and obedient. His fingers were twisting in his lap with nervous energy. Hux felt a strong urge to pull him in and kiss him breathless, even though it would only do more harm. It would set Kylo back weeks. He had to wait, to let things happen as they would instead of being impatient.

After eating, he gave Kylo a shower. When he unlocked the shackles, Kylo’s hands dropped like dead weights, and he took the pile of clothes with an exhausted sort of look. He still turned his back to get dressed, which amused Hux deeply, although he didn’t say anything. He’d allow Kylo this one thing.

Kylo turned back around, wearing a cotton t-shirt and black sweatpants. He hugged his arms around himself and looked at Hux, awaiting further instructions.

Hux nodded his head over to the other room, indicating he should follow him. “Come on.”

As whenever he broke their routine, Kylo’s eyes widened, and some of the panic returned. He fell back a step. “Why?”

Hux waited, but Kylo seemed too skittish to follow, so he stepped forward and grabbed his arm, pulling him toward the back room. Kylo resisted, dragging his heels and trying to pry Hux’s hand off of him. “W-where are we going?”

Hux laughed a little. “Relax. I’m not going to hurt you.”

The box was sitting in the corner of the other room, and Kylo had a physical reaction on seeing it, jerking, his breath hitching in panic. “_No,_ what did I _do,_ I didn’t do anything wrong, don’t put me in there, _please_-”

Hux kept his iron grip, but stopped, turning Kylo around to face him. “Hey. Did I say you did anything wrong?”

Kylo was full of panicky energy. His eyes were wide, skittering back and forth across Hux’s face, drinking in every expression. “No…”

“Putting you in there would be a punishment. I’m not going to do that for no reason. So _relax_.” Hux said soothingly, appreciating the way Kylo hung on his every word.

Kylo stared at him, after a few moments relaxing minutely. Hux brought him into the full bathroom where he had a chair waiting. He released Kylo. “Sit.” He said.

Kylo still seemed unsure, but he sat down in the chair, twisting his hands in his lap. He tracked Hux around the room, looking at the room suspiciously. “What are we doing in here?” He asked nervously.

Hux didn’t answer him. He rummaged around in a drawer behind Kylo. Kylo was turning around to see what he was doing, shoulders hunched defensively.

“Eyes front! Hands in your lap.” Hux snapped authoritatively. Kylo jumped about a foot, whipping around and staring at the blank wall in front of him. His leg was jiggling now with nervousness.

“Hux…” Kylo asked querulously.

Hux pulled out the rope he needed from the bag. He crouched down behind Kylo, relishing how his every muscle went taut, his back corded in knots. Hux was gratified to see he didn’t turn around. He looped the rope and tied the anchoring knot, and then did the other side, enjoying the simple act of building the sturdy knots.

“Hand.” Hux demanded. Kylo was breathing heavily now, his hands clasped together like he was gaining some comfort from it.

Kylo shook his head minutely. “W-why?” He wavered.

Hux lowered his voice so it was slow and deceptively soft. “Kylo, I asked for something.”

With what looked to be a great deal of willpower, Kylo unclasped his hands and extended his left arm backwards. Hux grabbed it, hooking his upper arm around the top of the headrest and pulling his forearm straight down. Hux cinched the rope around Kylo’s wrist, tying it tight to the back of the chair.

Kylo jumped when he felt the rope around his wrist. Feeling he was losing his self-composure, Hux just grabbed the other arm and did the same. A shocked whimper came out of Kylo, and he tried to pull back, but Hux was implacable.

Once both hands were tied, Hux came around the front with more rope. Kylo tugged frantically at his restraints, and stared at Hux with undisguised fear.

His breath hitched. “Wait, stop!”

Hux worked fast. He built his anchoring knots and tied his ankles securely to the legs of the chair. Kylo struggled, breath hissing out, but he didn’t have a lot of leverage. Because of the way his arms were pulled back, his chest was exposed, and he didn’t have any leverage to pull away from the chair. He was essentially immobile.

“What are you doing?!” Kylo cried, eyes wild.

Hux admired his handiwork for a moment. “Didn’t I tell you to relax?”

He watched Kylo struggle for a few moments. His feeble efforts slowed as he realized it was futile. His face grew resigned and his chest heaved in big breaths. He stared up at Hux, eyes watery. Hux had been waiting for this, for the moment that Kylo realized that he was completely at his mercy.

Hux leaned in. Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away. Hux held onto his face and turned it back. He moved his head this way and that, examining the longer hair and facial hair that had appeared in the past couple weeks.

“You need a shave. You’re getting a little shaggy.” Hux said, smoothing his hair back from his face.

Kylo’s eyes opened. “A shave.” He repeated in a scratchy voice.

“Yes. Really, we didn’t need to go through all of these dramatics for it.”

Kylo’s face twitched. “Well, why didn’t you say that?” He asked.

Hux didn’t answer, pulling out the straight razor and turning back. “Hold still.”

Kylo straightened up and started pulling at his restraints again.

“Stop that. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Hux admonished. “You need a shave.”

Kylo twisted his wrists in the rope and tugged, succeeding in doing nothing more than bruising them. “Ever heard of an electric razor?” He said nervously, staring at the straight razor in undisguised fear.

Hux lathered his face with soap with difficulty, Kylo trying to squirm out of the way the whole time. He turned back around with the razor and held it open. Kylo was staring at it intently.

“Tilt your head back.” Hux demanded.

Kylo shook his head wildly, eyes wide and still trained on the razor.

“I’m not asking, Ben. Do it. Now.” Hux frowned. He was getting a little irritated.

Kylo continued shaking his head, breathing unsteady.

Hux sighed, striding forward and wrapping his fist in the back of Kylo’s hair. He pulled back sharply, and Kylo yelped in pain as his throat was bared. Hux rested the blade against the base of Kylo’s throat. Kylo stopped struggling. He stilled, his eyes huge and pooling, staring right at Hux.

Hux leaned in close and spoke in a low voice. “Now settle down. This is delicate work, and I’d rather not slice your throat by accident.”

Kylo breathed out shakily. He was pale, but he stayed still while Hux began to run the blade up his throat. He clamped his eyes shut and breathed through his nose.

Hux began to murmur softly as he did his work. “Honestly, I thought you’d be pleased that you were getting a shave. I personally hate it when I haven’t shaved for a few days. It all gets rather uncomfortable.”

Kylo shivered minutely. His foot tapped nervously on the floor.

Hux let the next few swipes go without comment. He started at the top edge of the collar and scraped up to Kylo’s chin, leaving smooth skin behind. He finished with the neck and moved onto his chin and cheeks.

“I am so glad you’re here, Kylo.” Hux sighed.

Kylo’s eyes opened and he looked at him with a bruised look. He didn’t say anything.

“I used to come home and have nothing to occupy my time. Now I have you to look after.” Hux said.

Kylo twitched, and the blade pricked his skin. Blood welled up from the small wound.

“I told you not to move.” Hux admonished, wiping it off with a finger.

Kylo sat frozen and silent while Hux moved onto the other side. He was plainly nervous having the blade so close to him. He didn’t move for fear of aggravating Hux at such a delicate moment.

“You never told me why you were alone when my men grabbed you. Isn’t it fairly standard to have a partner on a job like that? Where was Rey?” Hux asked, concentrating on his work.

Perhaps because of his current vulnerability, Kylo didn’t waste time stalling and avoiding the question. He answered promptly, voice wavering from nerves. “She was busy. She had, family stuff to take care of.”

Hux hummed, shaving up a long stripe of his neck. “And that was important enough to leave you to take on a job you clearly weren’t equipped to handle? Not very loyal of her.”

Kylo tensed, his hands curling into fists and tugging at the ropes. “How could she have known?”

“What, that you were going off on a dangerous job to steal from the First Order? Fairly easily, I would think.” Hux said.

“She didn’t-”

Hux interrupted him by nicking him with the sharp blade. Kylo yelped. “What did I just say about moving? I would usually expect a faithful partner to be there when they’re needed most. Now be quiet. I need to concentrate.”

Hux had waited to bring this up until he was giving Kylo a shave. He wanted Kylo to be thinking of his friends when he was feeling helpless and afraid. He knew he had a steep uphill climb changing Kylo’s opinion of his family and friends, but if he could begin to associate his former life with pain and fear, that would lay the groundwork he needed.

Hux finished off the shave and set the razor aside. He fingered the scissors. Now the only thing left was the hair. He needed to cut it shorter, although he liked the unruly look. He waited a moment to spring the news on Kylo, enjoying this last moment of peace. “Alright, we’re almost done. You’ve been very good so far. Let me just finish up this last part.”

He could practically see the gears turning in Kylo’s head as he figured out what he was doing. Life twitched back into his face and he pulled against the grip in his hair. “No, you’re done.” He said quickly.

Hux smiled indulgingly at him. “I want your hair shorter.”

Kylo yanked his wrists against the rope. “Well, I don’t. It’s mine. Leave it alone.” He said in a panic.

“It’s messy and it hides your face. I’m sorry, but it’s got to go.” Hux said patiently.

Some of his fight had come back. Kylo bucked as much as he could in the ropes and pulled desperately to get his head back. Hux tightened his grip in Kylo’s hair, pulling out a hiss of pain. Kylo was wild. “Just leave it. Just leave it! Please, _please_, I-”

Hux paused, looking down at the writhing Kylo. He had known he would be unhappy, but he seemed far more upset about the prospect of getting a haircut than he had anticipated. “Why?”

Kylo seemed on the verge of tears. His chest heaved. He blinked a couple of times, looking up at Hux, the barest hope on his face that he could convince him. “It’s- It’s mine, it’s- Haven’t you taken enough from me already?” His voice had turned into a whisper, wavering from holding back tears. “Please, it’s such a small thing, it can’t m-matter to you. I’m just asking for one thing, just _one thing_. Can you let me keep it? You already have everything else, I just- I just want one tiny thing.”

Hux didn’t move for a moment. He did think about it. He didn’t want to be needlessly cruel, but Kylo had to learn somehow that he wasn’t in a position to ask for things. What Hux said, went.

Hux watched Kylo’s face fall as he gave him the answer. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’ve already made up my mind.”

It didn’t take long to cut his hair, getting rid of what to Kylo felt was his individuality and sense of control over his life. Kylo endured all of this in silence, watching as chunks of black hair floated down to the ground. Hux wasn’t cutting it _too_ short, he still wanted to be able to get his hands in it, but just enough to make a statement. What was Kylo’s could be taken away as easy as breathing. Hux finished, wiped off the remaining soap from his face with a damp towel, and released Kylo’s hair.

Kylo’s head dropped, and his shoulders started shaking. The tears had come after all. He was crying bitter, wild tears, broken sobs coming out of his mouth. Tears dripped down his chin and onto his lap.

Hux came back, liking the fresh, clean-shaven look on him. “Oh, it’s not that bad. You’ll be alright.” He said softly, running a hand through his shorter hair, gently this time.

To Hux’s surprise, Kylo didn’t pull away. He just cried harder, not trying or not able to stop.

Hux decided to hell with being patient and came around the front to pull Kylo into an embrace. Kylo’s chin rested on his shoulder, where he continued sobbing. He seemed beyond listening. Hux rubbed gentle circles into his back and murmured comfortingly.

“Wh-why are you doing this to me?” Kylo sobbed.

Hux could feel the damp spreading on his shirt and Kylo’s hot breath rushing behind his ear. “Because I care for you, Kylo. I really do want to help you.”

Kylo just kept crying until his voice went hoarse. Hux didn’t think he was ever going to stop, but eventually the tears subsided into great, shuddering breaths and slight hiccups. Hux pulled back at last, getting some tissues and helping him to blow his nose.

Kylo shuddered and shook as he calmed down, his eyes red and puffy. Hux eyed him for a moment to make sure he was winding down, and then moved to lock eyes with him.

“Are you feeling better now? Do you want to go to bed?” He asked.

Kylo nodded numbly, looking absolutely exhausted and beat down.

Hux untied his ankles first, then went around and untied his hands. As the ropes fell away, Hux examined his wrists. There were deep red indentations where he’d struggled that would turn into purple bruises by tomorrow morning.

Kylo made absolutely no move to get up, so Hux hooked an arm around him and pulled him to his feet. Kylo was remarkably pliable, just following numbly behind Hux as he led him back into the main room. Hux looked over at his exhausted face. He could put a phone or a knife in Kylo’s hands right now, and he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Hux maneuvered him back into the cage. Kylo scooted back and hugged his knees up to his chin. He looked small and defeated.

“Hey, I know tonight was hard, but you did very well. Tomorrow will be easier, okay?” Hux said soothingly.

Kylo’s tired eyes flicked onto him as his words sunk in, that tomorrow would find him in the exact same position as today. His face screwed up as if he were going to cry again, but he just turned around and curled up on the floor of the cage with his back to Hux.

Hux reached out and ran one hand down his back before closing and locking the door. By the time he’d cleaned everything up and was heading back up the stairs, he could hear the slow and steady breathing that meant Kylo had fallen asleep.

* * *

Kylo awoke the next morning, head fuzzy, every muscle aching. He rolled over slowly, feeling the ache in his wrists. He held his right arm up in front of his eyes. There were indentations in his wrist from where Hux had tied the rope tight, and the skin around it had bloomed purple bruises. He flexed his fingers experimentally. They worked fine, but his wrists still ached. He tucked them between his knees to give them some light, comforting pressure. That felt a little better.

Once he woke up a little more, he brought one shaky hand up to feel his face. It was completely smooth. He was totally clean-shaven. He ran his fingers through his new, short hair. It was still long enough to flop into his eyes and stick up all over the place, but nowhere near the length it was before.

He felt that powerless anger rise up in him again. It might not seem all that important, but the long hair made him feel like Kylo Ren. It was who he was, wild and more than a bit unkempt. And now it was gone. Hux had taken it. He’d taken his freedom, dignity, peace of mind, and control over his life. And now he’d taken this small bit of his old life that Kylo was still clinging to. Replacing him bit by bit with what he wanted him to be. Kylo knuckled the stars out of his eyes and sighed.

He looked in dull despair at the bars of his small cage. This small space, not even big enough to kneel in, was his whole world now, except for when Hux chose to let him out. He was bounded on all sides by Hux, what Hux wanted, what Hux needed. Kylo felt the too-familiar claustrophobia trying to send him into a panic again. Whenever he felt the stirrings of a panic attack, he’d remind himself firmly that he wasn’t in the box again.

“I’ve got ten fingers that I can move. I can hear the wind outside. I can lay down or sit up. I am not in the box.” Kylo told himself firmly. He focused his sight on the farthest thing that he could see. There was a water pipe leading up into the ceiling in the farthest corner of the room behind him. Kylo turned forward and looked at the stairway. He could see halfway up it until it disappeared out of sight. He turned to the left and looked out the tiny basement window. He could see out the clouded glass to a tree branch, weaving slightly in the wind. That was the length and breadth of his world. He swallowed down a lump in his throat grimly, trying to ignore the weight of the collar. He was thinking about Hux again, but at least he wasn’t panicking from claustrophobia.

Hux came down with his breakfast. Kylo watched him, his eyes still feeling puffy from crying last night. Hux seemed perfectly cheerful, greeting Kylo with a smile and chatting aimlessly. Kylo looked at him balefully. He hated him. He hated him so much he could just scream. He never thought he could hate anyone more than he sometimes loathed himself, but Hux was just making the cut.

The worst part was, he had nowhere to put that hatred. He had no escape valve, no outlet for his frustration. He was just. Stuck. Trapped.

Hux pulled over the stool and unlocked the cage door, settling back and waiting for Kylo to crawl out to him. Kylo swallowed bile and did, settling at Hux’s feet. Like a fucking dog. He felt the manic urge to start screaming or laughing. He clenched his fist and firmly pushed that way down.

He barely even heard the words Hux was saying as he fed him, Kylo opening and closing his mouth mechanically. He had no interest in food. He looked up at Hux’s handsome face and imagined stabbing a glass shard into his throat. How satisfying it would be to hear Hux’s surprised gurgle and his grasping hands as he tried to stop his life’s blood from gushing over his hands as his life left his body. Kylo would stand up, spit on his body, and leave. Free.

Instead he allowed Hux to stroke his hair gently and herd him back into the cage, lock the door, and leave for the day. After he was sure Hux was gone, Kylo slammed his bruised wrist into the bars of the cage repeatedly, relishing the ache.

All this pressure had to go somewhere. Unfortunately, he didn't have any ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind comments! There's only so much Kylo can take before _something_ breaks.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo watched the sun move across the sky as the day weathered on. He’d been here for weeks and he was no closer to escaping. He didn’t even have a good plan. Hux had only let him out of the basement once, and then under secure restraints, the best weapon at hand a fork.

Kylo banged his head against the bars, groaning in frustration. Caught by a sudden frenzy of energy, he tried to claw the collar off of his neck again, to no avail. It was just as snug as it was before, the smooth leather reminding him constantly _You belong to Hux. You’re no longer your own person. You’re his plaything, his dog. You’re whatever he wants you to be and nothing more_. Kylo screamed once, uselessly. He scratched at his own neck, drawing raised red lines.

By the time Hux came home, Kylo was full of a manic energy that he felt he couldn’t control. Too much time spent in this cage. He couldn’t stop feeling his face, his hair. He didn’t feel like himself. He’d lost some weight, he was dressed in borrowed clothes, his face wasn’t his own. He was so angry, but there was nothing to do with it. He was trapped, trapped, trapped. He was buzzing out of his skin.

Hux came down the stairs with the leather restraints again. “Feeling up to helping me with dinner?” He smiled.

Kylo shrugged angrily, even as he tried to hide how angry he was. He didn’t like this feeling. It felt dangerous, out of control. “Since when has it mattered what I want?” He said bitterly.

Hux paused halfway across the room, tilting his head to study Kylo. Kylo tried to appear normal. Without his long hair hanging in his face, he was exposed. “I don’t know if I like this attitude, Ben.” Hux said, tapping his foot.

Kylo could kick himself. If he kept up like that, Hux wouldn’t let him out of the cage tonight. As much as he didn’t like it, the price for stretching his legs was behaving himself.

Kylo shook his head and looked at his feet. “Sorry.” He muttered.

Hux opened the cage door and yanked him a little harder than necessary so he could put on the wrist and ankle restraints, buckling them securely. Kylo weathered this with a grimace, looking at the sink basin and trying not to react.

Hux beckoned him to his feet, and Kylo followed him up to the kitchen. Again, he felt a wave of strangeness, like he was walking on eggshells. His foot tapped on the floor, and he had to physically stop it with a hand on his thigh.

This time, Hux had him layer a casserole pan with potatoes, cheese, and other ingredients to go in the oven. Hux sipped wine and filleted a fish with deft fingers. Kylo stared at him as he did it.

As usual, Hux was chatting away, and Kylo had to tune him out. He spilled some of the cheese mixture on the counter, and he cursed under his breath.

Hux stilled, giving him a sharp look. “Kylo, what did I tell you?”

Kylo barely heard him. He was already cleaning it up with brisk, angry movements, and after a moment Hux went back to his work.

When he finished with that, Hux told him to put it in the oven to cook. Kylo tried to pick up the dish, but it was too wide, and he couldn’t hold both ends with his hands chained together. He sighed. “I can’t.” Kylo announced.

Hux narrowed his eyes at him. Kylo could have chosen to see the danger, but he was too keyed-up for that. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I _mean-_” Kylo lifted up his cuffed hands and pulled them apart as far as they would go. Twice for effect. “I can’t.”

Hux came and picked it up. “Well, open the oven door for me.”

Kylo did, a little harder than necessary. Hux’s eyes widened, the most surprise he thought he’d ever gotten out of him. He put the casserole in the oven and then stepped back, examining Kylo.

“You seem a little agitated, Ben.” Hux noted.

“No, I’m not.” Kylo said, turning away. He knew it sounded petulant, and he hated that. He hated what he’d been reduced to.

Hux tried to put a hand on his shoulder, and Kylo slithered away from it, to the other side of the counter. “What else do you want me to do?” He asked, trying to make his voice bloodless, knowing he wasn’t succeeding.

Hux looked levelly at him. Kylo peeked up. Hux looked like he knew every single thing that went through his mind. It was unsettling, to say the least. “There’s a salad in the fridge. Mix it up with the dressing and then set the table.” He said before finishing up with the fish.

Kylo could feel his face twitching. He didn’t know if he was going to laugh or scream, so he kept his mouth clamped shut. He squeezed his hand around the sharp edge of the counter and then opened the fridge. The contents looked so normal, and for some reason this made him feel worse. He wanted to bash his head into the fridge door. He wanted, desperately, to hurt himself. He didn’t know where the impulse was coming from, but it was scaring him.

He concentrated hard on just doing what he was told. Mixing the salad. Setting the table. It took forever to cross the few feet to the dining table because of the ankle cuffs. He wished he could tear them off, rip them apart. He stood at the table for a brief moment with his hand pressed over his heart. His heart was beating very quickly.

Hux was cooking the fish with his back turned, and Kylo watched him for a long moment. He was struck, again, by the strange thought that Hux was very attractive. He had strong lines in his back, his arms were corded with muscle yet still lean, and his tumbled hair framed his face lightly. Kylo shook his head, trying in vain to dispel the thought. It didn’t make any sense. This wasn’t the first time Kylo had been attracted to a man, he thought of himself as fairly flexible, but he didn’t understand why he was having thoughts like that in a situation like this. Hux had kidnapped him, had tied him up, humiliated him, was trying to force him into submission. He hated him. Kylo searched his thoughts. Yes. He did. He hated him more than anything else. He was afraid of him, he wanted nothing more than to get away from him and never see him again. And yet. There was that weird, recurring thought.

Again, Kylo was overcome with a desire to hurt himself. He dug his fingers into his bruises, but that wasn’t enough. He grabbed a fork off the counter and stabbed it into his left thigh. He whimpered softly. He couldn’t break the skin, not through his pants, but it hurt enough to jolt him momentarily. He wanted to do it again and again until he felt better, but Hux finally turned around. He saw what Kylo was doing, and his face hardened.

“Put that down! What do you think you’re doing?” He snapped.

Kylo dropped the fork on the counter with a clatter. He immediately felt a rush of shame. What the hell _was_ he doing? “Sorry.” He said automatically. The jittery feeling was still there.

Hux stepped forward. “Why were you doing that?”

Kylo’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he could come upon an answer. “I don’t- I don’t know.” He said honestly.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re acting so strangely?” Hux said. His arms were crossed and one eyebrow quirked.

Kylo shook his head. “Not especially.” He said with a humorless little laugh.

Hux flipped the fish one more time and ladled it onto a serving plate. “Sit down. Behave yourself. You’re trying my patience.”

Kylo did, his foot starting to bounce up and down, a mile a minute. Hux joined him, serving out food for the both of them. Kylo tried to eat, he really did, but he could only force down a few bites before he started pushing the food around on his plate.

Hux looked at him and tried to pull him into conversation. Kylo was staring at his full glass of wine. That’s what he needed. To get drunk. Right now. Immediately.

“Can I have some of that?” Kylo asked abruptly, pointing at the wine glass.

Hux looked down at it in slight confusion. “I don’t think so. Not with the way you’ve been acting tonight.”

Kylo growled in frustration and went back to poking at his food. Hux took a few more bites. He just seemed so remarkably unconcerned with everything. Kylo couldn’t stand it. He moved quickly, grabbing the glass of wine before Hux could stop him and gulping down as much as he could.

Hux grabbed it out of his hands. A few drops splashed onto the table. Kylo grabbed after it and Hux viciously backhanded him, sending him reeling back into his chair.

“All right, that’s _enough_ of that. Why are you behaving like this, Kylo?” Hux demanded, his voice bellowing in anger.

Kylo careened to his feet, cheeks flushed, surprised at his own daring. “Maybe I’m overdue a chance to be a little fucking pissed off! Maybe I’m a little fucking tired of being ordered around, Hux!”

Kylo expected Hux to shout back, and he was ready for it. He wanted to scream and fight until his lungs gave out. His chest heaved in and out while he waited.

But, Hux took a moment to think. He looked at Kylo, small spots of red the only indication that he’d succeeded in flustering him. When he spoke again, it was deadly calm. “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. I can see that we need to have a talk, but I’m not going to let you ruin dinner. So I’m going to let you cool off, and I’m going to finish eating. I won’t be rushed, Kylo.”

Kylo heaved in a breath to start screaming again, but Hux grabbed him and started dragging him into the other room, Kylo’s feet dragging behind him. He tried to tear Hux’s hands off of him, but he couldn’t get any leverage. “Yeah, I can’t wait to have a talk. I can’t wait to give you a piece of my mind! I fucking hate you! How’s that for a conversation starter? I can’t stand you, and I’m done cooperating with your weird shit! You can’t keep this up forever. I’m going to kill you first chance I get!”

Hux let go, and Kylo fell on the ground with a grunt. They were in the living room, which Kylo had only glimpsed once for a second when he was first dragged into the house.

He struggled to get to his feet, but Hux had gotten something out of the hall closet and come back, planting one foot on the small of his back so that he didn’t have any leverage. With a deftness that was a little scary, he undid one of Kylo’s wrist cuffs and reattached it so his hands were tied behind his back. Kylo bucked and shouted, the blood pounding in his ears.

Next, Hux attached some kind of a lead between his hands and his feet, leaving him effectively hogtied. When Hux leaned down again, Kylo spat in his face. Hux wiped it off and continued on like he hadn’t even noticed. He had another lead in his hands that he tied tight around the leg of an extremely heavy-looking couch. The other end he attached to Kylo’s collar, and Kylo blanched, trying to kick again.

“Don’t you dare! Let me go!” He howled, beyond all reason. The buzzing feeling wasn’t gone at all, it was just getting worse and worse. He screamed and shouted at Hux as he stood up and walked back toward the dining room.

“I’ll give you a chance to calm down. I will be finishing my dinner in the other room.” Hux said primly before walking out.

Kylo tried shouting for a while, but when that didn’t get a reaction, he gave up. He was getting hoarse anyway. He writhed around, trying to pull his legs up enough that he would be able to grab the hook on the lead and release himself. He tried reaching his fingers blindly, he tried pulling his legs up and grabbing onto the rope and tugging. None of it got him anywhere, just more and more worked up.

Well, if he couldn’t unhook himself, maybe he could roll himself somewhere where there was a phone or a knife he could use. With great difficulty, he squirmed around until he had rolled to his other side. He pushed up with his feet so he could untie the end of the lead (_A leash_, a panicky voice inside him shouted, _a leash, he’s got you on a fucking leash!_) from the couch. He couldn’t reach it, and only managed to choke himself.

It took him another long minute to turn over the other way. By this time, he was getting flustered and hot from all the exertions, but his nervous energy hadn’t been burned off at all. He tried to untie it with his mouth. He inched up closer to it, and tried to undo the knot with his mouth. It was tied three times around the couch, and it tasted awful, but he kept trying, digging his teeth into it with no progress. He tried for a couple more minutes, before having to concede that it wasn’t getting him anywhere. He kicked the leg of the couch, screaming in frustration.

He stopped, breathing heavily. He still felt exactly the same as he did earlier. He wanted to run or fight or bang his head against something. Anything to stop this mile-a-minute, jittery feeling he had. He even tried moving the whole couch with his shoulder before having to admit that it was a lost cause. He wasn’t going anywhere.

By the time Kylo had tired himself out, Hux was finally finished with dinner. Kylo could hear him moving around in the kitchen, probably putting away leftovers and putting dishes into the dishwasher. He finally heard the washer turn on, running water, and then silence.

Hux came back through the swinging door, leisurely, like he did everything. He was holding another glass of wine, which he drank from casually.

He set it down and untied Kylo from the couch, pulling him around so he was kneeling in front of him. He unhooked the lead between his feet and hands. Kylo growled and snapped at him, actually trying to bite his fingers as he moved past. If he didn’t have any other options, he’d fight dirty.

Hux looked down at him with a sigh, like he was disappointed. “Kylo, what’s gotten into you tonight?”

Kylo barked a humorless laugh. “Well, it’s been quite a month.”

“You’re behaving erratically. Clearly, something has gone wrong.” Hux said.

Kylo rolled his head back, rocking back on his heels. “You know, for an evil piece of shit like you, you can be real stupid.”

Kylo expected to be hit, but nothing came. Hux was still looking at him, almost pityingly. “Are you going to talk to me, or not? I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”

Kylo was gearing himself up to start screaming, when something in Hux’s face changed. Determination.

“Well, if you’re not going to share, then I suppose I’ll have to help the proceedings along a little.” Hux said.

He grabbed Kylo by the collar and dragged him so that he was over his lap. Kylo yelped and kicked fruitlessly.

“What the hell are you doing? Put me down!” He shouted. His head was hanging down, and all the blood was rushing to his head. Hux held a hand over the backs of his knees so he didn’t overbalance.

“Okay, Kylo. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell me what’s wrong, and then, you’ll apologize for breaking the rules.” Hux said, his voice smooth and confident.

Kylo tried to kick again. He growled. “Fuck _off_! I’m sick of your rules!”

In one swift movement, Hux pulled his pants halfway down to his knees. Kylo gasped and struggled to get free, but Hux put a firm hand on his back to keep him in place. Kylo’s face flushed red in embarrassment.

“Let. Me. _Go_!” He grunted, trying in vain to get away from Hux.

The first strike came as a surprise. Hux let fly with no warning. Kylo jerked from the contact like he was struck by lightning. The first one wasn’t so much painful as it was shocking.

Kylo started screaming and cursing like no tomorrow. “You sick bastard! Fuck you! Let me go! I’ll fucking kill you, I swear to –”

Hux hit him again. Kylo bucked and screamed. He was furious and ashamed all in one. He couldn’t stop to think. “Stop it! Stop it!”

Hux put some strength into it this time. He hit Kylo in the same spot on his ass. And again. And again. And again. Pain flared up, and started to cut through the fog of anger. Kylo gasped. “_Jesus_, fuck, that hurts!”

Hux was just a smug voice behind him. Kylo couldn’t see a thing, the blood pounding in his head. “Are you going to calm down so we can talk?”

Kylo squirmed in his lap, straining his hands against the restraints and groaning in frustration. “No, I’m not, you sadistic fuck.” He spat.

Hux only paused a moment. He sighed, sounding genuinely concerned. “Very well.”

Hux let fly with a flurry of blows, one after another without stopping for a rest. He struck Kylo on his backside and thighs, each blow seeming to have more strength behind it. Each strike was a sharp explosion of pain that turned into a burning ache. It would only get worse with each successive hit. Kylo screamed obscenities for a while before the pain really started to get to him. Before too long, he wasn’t screaming out of anger, but from pain.

Hux smacked him hard on a spot he’d gotten to before. Kylo screamed. “Stop, stop, stop! Okay, okay. Please stop! I’ll do it, I’ll do it!”

Hux stopped hitting him, rubbing slow circles into his lower back and returning the other hand as a weight against the backs of his knees. Kylo panted, open-mouthed, his face red from all the blood rushing to his head, pain, and shame. He was finding it a little hard to concentrate. His mind reeled from how quickly things had proceeded.

“Okay, Kylo, now that you’re paying attention, can we talk about what’s been bothering you?” Hux asked calmly. Always calmly.

Kylo panted, trying to catch his breath. There was a pulse behind his ears. He was very hot and he was finding it hard to breathe.

Hux smacked him once, hard and swift. Kylo yelped, his hands clenching into fists. “Kylo…” He warned.

Kylo tried to put his feet down so he could get upright. Hux easily and firmly held him down. “I… I can’t…” Kylo panted.

Hux’s hands felt like they were everywhere. His voice was bigger than the world. “What can’t you do, Kylo?”

“I… I can’t be in that cage all day. I’m going fucking stir-crazy.” Kylo said, trying to focus.

Hux hit him on the thighs, his nails scraping against the tender skin. “Language, my dear.” An undignified sound came out of Kylo. He shook his head from side to side, slowly, as if protesting his treatment.

Hux was back to stroking. Kylo’s stressed-out mind was focusing in on that movement, the comforting circles on his back where it didn’t hurt.

“Is that why you tried to hurt yourself? With that fork?” Hux asked.

Kylo’s nose was between the leather of the couch and the starched material of Hux’s pants. A strong smell of expensive cologne swirled around him. “I don’t know why I did that.” He protested.

“Liar.” Hux snapped. He viciously hit him three times in the same spot. Kylo twitched and gasped. Tears sprung to his eyes, hot and confusing and messed-up in his mind.

“Okay, it was why I hurt myself. I just, I – I – I couldn’t calm down, my, my brain was going so fast and it felt so good not to be locked in the cage, but everything was so _loud_, and, and that made it feel better.” Kylo rambled, tears gathering in his eyelashes and dripping down to his forehead.

Hux thought about that for a minute. He was an all-encompassing presence behind Kylo, holding him down and holding him up. “Hmm. So you need a release. You’re used to behaving rashly when you feel like this, but you need something else.”

“I guess.” Kylo ventured, not having anything to say but not wanting to be hit again.

“Well, of course I won’t allow you to hurt yourself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it. To keep you safe and grounded.” Hux said.

Kylo started struggling again, and Hux pressed firmly down. “No that’s not what I mean, I-”

Hux struck him, hard, on the hip. Kylo squirmed and whimpered. “I told you not to lie to me.”

Kylo ground his teeth, trying to concentrate on the conversation and not the burning pain he was in. “I’m not _lying_ to you. Please stop, I’ll calm down, I will, I’m sorry, I’ll be good.”

“Of course you don’t like being hit, I’m not suggesting that, but you are more focused, more calm. Just trust me.” Hux said.

“I’m… That’s not…” Kylo spluttered. In some perverse way, Hux was right. The pain had blown away the fog of panic and restlessness he’d felt all evening. He was completely focused on Hux, on his voice and his hands. He thought back uneasily to the bar fights he used to provoke, the bad time he’d asked Rey to slap him so he could calm down, the singular clarity he always had after being struck. It didn’t make him a masochist, he wasn’t sick, he wasn’t. Kylo shook his head, confused. “I don’t want you to hurt me.”

“I’ve been focusing too much on disciplining you, and not enough on offering you a release. I know I’m asking a lot from you. It would be enough to fray anyone’s nerves.” Hux said, his voice almost soothing.

Kylo frowned, Hux’s cologne invading his nostrils. Everything was a little confusing right now. His ass and thighs were killing him, and his head was foggy. He felt like he was running a fever, but he realized he’d stopped trying to get up.

Hux’s strong fingers rubbed circles into his back. “Okay, we got that first part out of the way. I’m glad I know what the problem is. I can more adequately plan for the future.”

Kylo nodded his head, foggy, not entirely sure what he was agreeing to.

Hux’s voice turned steely and authoritative in a moment. Kylo tensed up. “But there’s still the second half of tonight we need to deal with. You have been behaving very badly tonight, and I told you I wouldn’t tolerate bad behavior. I’m going to need an apology from you. You cursed, talked back to me, were disrespectful when you took that wine, and you lied to me when I asked you for your honesty. Understand?”

Some of Kylo’s stubbornness rose up in his foggy head. He was trying to summon up a good retort, but Hux was done waiting.

It almost felt like before was just a warm-up. Kylo was already tender and in pain, and this time Hux put his whole back into it.

Hux started on his left cheek, raining down a series of blows. Kylo’s backside lit up with pain again. Kylo cried out, tears springing to his eyes again. He twisted his wrists in vain, trying to get free. Hux hit him what felt like dozens of times before pausing, Kylo’s cut-off cry sounding in the sudden silence.

“I’m waiting, Kylo.” Hux said.

Kylo heaved in huge breaths like he had run a marathon. It was hard to do because all his weight was pushing down on his chest. He was far beyond pride, so he summoned up the words he needed. “I’m… _Sorry_.” He gasped.

Hux smacked him again. Kylo screamed. “Sorry for what?”

“S-sorry for being bad.” Kylo stuttered out, his face flaming.

Hux chuckled. He pinched the sore cheek, and Kylo bucked weakly, letting out a moan of pain. “I’m going to need you to be a little more specific.”

Kylo shuddered. “Um, um, I’m sorry for taking the wine without asking.”

“Good boy.” Hux smiled. He moved on to Kylo’s right side, not letting up even a bit. Kylo couldn’t help himself, he screamed with every hit, his throat getting hoarse in a hurry.

“S-stop!” Kylo cried out when Hux smacked him particularly hard, pain exploding and rocketing up to his brain. “Come on, I’m – Fu- Shi- _Please please _I already said I was sorry I can’t take this anymore!” Kylo howled, biting off his curses with effort.

“I’ll let you know when you can’t take it anymore, Kylo. What else do you have for me?” Hux said, seemingly in very good cheer.

This one was right on the tip of his tongue. Kylo nearly tripped over himself trying to apologize this time. “I’m sorry for cursing.” His voice wavered. “But I didn’t this time, I stopped myself.”

Hux’s voice purred. “Yes, Kylo. I’m very pleased.”

Hux only gave him a few seconds to catch his breath. This time he concentrated his blows on Kylo’s thighs, both sides, every smack raising a new livid red mark on his skin, each one bruising. Kylo screamed, but his voice was giving out, and he was running out of energy, so his voice broke up into wild sobbing. Every new hit drew a choking sob out of him, broken up because of how hard it was to catch his breath. He couldn’t take this anymore, he couldn’t, he couldn’t, not one more hit, didn’t Hux see he was going to kill him? He was going to die if he was hit again, he _couldn’t_.

Hux finished his tenth blow on his thighs and paused again. “Alright, Kylo, your turn.”

Kylo couldn’t have spoken if he had wanted to. He sobbed, his hair hanging in his face. His backside was in agony, his wrists were raw from trying to get free, blood pounded in his temples, every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire. Hux’s voice and smell were all tangled up, his steadying hand on his legs the only constant thing in the world.

Hux only gave him a few moments to collect himself. “Kylo. Let’s hear it.”

Kylo heard Hux’s voice and he wanted to obey, anything to stop this pain. He heaved in a breath. He knew this one. He knew it. “I-I’m s-sorry for… um, I, s-s-sorry for lying to you.” He sobbed, every word broken up.

Hux’s voice was deep, pleased. “_Good_.”

Kylo could feel Hux’s hand lifting up to begin the next round, and panic shot through him. “_Wait_! Wait, please, wait, I said I was sorry. Hux, I’m so sorry. I’m _so sorry, _I am, I’ve learned my lesson. I get it. You don’t need to hurt me anymore, I get it, I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“It wouldn’t be much of a punishment if I stopped halfway through, would it now? I’m teaching you a lesson, and you’re going to learn the whole thing.” Hux said.

Hux laid into him again, this time all over the place. Kylo fucking howled this time. He lost all composure he had, he screamed and begged and pleaded, but Hux wasn’t swayed in the least. The pain in his backside ratcheted up to a burning heat, every hit exploding and spreading the agony.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Hux stopped again. Kylo took a very long few seconds to register that the blows had ceased. His wailing tapered off to heaving breaths. He didn’t have the energy in this moment to lift his head or cry. He hung there, limp in Hux’s lap.

A voice came through the fog of pain. “Kylo…”

Kylo struggled to snap to attention. Hux was talking. He needed to listen.

“Kylo, one more to go. I’m waiting.” Hux said softly.

Kylo’s head wheeled. “What?” He said stupidly, his tongue dead in his mouth.

“I just need you to say one more thing and then we’re done.” Hux said.

Kylo was sluggish, confused. He did something wrong. He needed… Oh, of course, to apologize. “’m sorry.” He mumbled.

Hux’s laugh rumbled down his spine. “…For?”

Kylo tried to remember. What was it? Dread settled in his stomach. His mind was drawing a blank. “For, for, for, lying. I lied.” He stuttered.

“You did, but you already apologized for that.” Hux said.

Kylo was starting to panic. He didn’t know. “I don’t remember.” He gasped.

“Well, that’s no excuse, Kylo. I still need an apology.” Hux was mountainous, all-powerful. Kylo’s mind raced. He couldn’t let Hux down. He _needed_ to remember.

Kylo tried to turn his head to look at Hux, but it was a monumental task, and he gave up. “I – I don’t know. Can you just tell me? Remind me what it was, and I’ll- I’ll apologize. I will.”

“That’s not how this works, Kylo.” Hux’s voice brooked no argument.

Kylo broke out into nervous tears. He couldn’t remember. He had no clue. Lying, cursing, taking the wine. And what? _What_?

“I’m running out of patience. Come on.” Hux said. He put a hand on his thighs, digging his nails in just a little bit. It hurt as much as a slap. Kylo choked out a whimper.

“_I don’t know_.” He sobbed.

“Do you want another ten of these?” Hux asked.

“No!”

“Maybe I need to get something a little harder. A wooden spoon, maybe, or my belt. Clearly this isn’t sinking in for you.” Hux said.

Kylo’s head buzzed with panic. Hux pressed down with the tips of his fingers, drawing a cry of pain from Kylo.

“You have ten seconds. Ten, nine, eight…” Hux began counting down. Kylo wracked his brain. Hux had told him just a little bit ago. He knew this, he _knew this_.

“Six, five, four…” Hux’s voice counted down dispassionately.

A lightbulb went on in his mind with two seconds to spare. “_Talking back_! I’m sorry for talking back!” Kylo shouted, his voice hoarse. He held his breath, hoping this would be accepted, that his punishment would be over.

He could hear the smile in Hux’s voice. “_Good boy_.”

Kylo shuddered in relief, breaking down into incoherent sobbing right away. Hux lifted him up off of his lap and set him back down on his knees, sliding off the couch to meet him. Kylo sagged against him, crying and shaking. Hux wrapped his arms around him and held him.

Once Kylo’s tears had tapered off into unsteady hiccoughing, Hux pulled him back a little and smoothed the hair away from his sweaty face. “You don’t know how beautiful you are like this.” Hux breathed, eyes soft and fond.

Kylo couldn’t have summoned up a response if he had wanted to. Hux softly eased him down onto the ground, turning his face to the side so he could breathe. “I’ll be right back.”

Kylo keened when he left. His mind was blown, all he could think about was that he missed those comforting hands. He needed them back.

Hux rummaged around in the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. He held Kylo’s head up and helped him take a few shuddering sips. He didn’t say anything when the water dripped on the floor.

He got him up on his knees again and grabbed the waistband of his pants around his knees. “Let’s get these up. I know you’re going to be sore for a while, but needs must.”

Even the soft touch of sweatpants was too much for Kylo. He whimpered and shook, but then his pants were back on, and he was fully clothed.

Hux gave him some more water, and then let him balance against the side of the couch while he went into the other room to get something. He came back, setting something down just out of sight. Kylo stared at him with glazed eyes.

“Now, I’m going to get you down to bed, because I know you’re tired. But first, I think it might be helpful to have a little follow-up to this session. I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson, but I think it would be better if you had a bit of a reminder not to talk back. You seem to think you can say whatever you want and that there won’t be consequences. That is simply not true.”

Hux reached over and held up a confusing mass of brown leather straps. Kylo peered at it in confusion for a moment, before recognizing it for what it was. A muzzle.

He shook his head weakly. “No…” He tried.

“This isn’t up for discussion.” Hux said. Kylo was weak enough that he didn’t get much resistance. He got behind Kylo and started affixing the muzzle to his face. There was a molded piece of plastic attached to the strip of leather that went over the mouth and jaw. Hux pushed the gag into Kylo’s mouth. The plastic filled Kylo’s mouth almost like it had been specially made, leaving absolutely no free room. Kylo struggled a little and choked a bit while the gag was shoved into his mouth. It shoved his tongue down to the bottom of his mouth and hit the roof of his mouth, filling his mouth. Kylo was worried he would choke, but he didn’t. The plastic tapered off in the front, forcing him to bite down on it, leaving about an eighth of an inch between his top and bottom teeth. The leather of the muzzle forced his lips to clamp shut, leaving him effectively silenced.

The muzzle covered the bottom of his face and wrapped around his jaw, exerting steady pressure keeping his mouth closed and the gag firmly in place. He could only let out a muffled grunt. Hux was still behind him, and he started affixing the straps. There was one that was cinched around the base of his skull and another two straps going over his ears and being tied at the back of his head. A third set of straps went straight up and fastened behind the top of his head. Every set of straps exerted more pressure on his jaw, until his mouth was clamped shut, and the gag in his mouth was pressed back so far there was no way he could make any sound. Hux clicked shut a few small padlocks on each set of straps, making sure that there was no way Kylo could ever get it off. There was one final clip that attached the muzzle to the back ring of Kylo’s collar, although that was almost decorative.

Completely muzzled and silent, Hux finally let go of Kylo. Kylo fell forward and hit the floor. He shook his head to try and dislodge the muzzle, but there was no hope. It wasn’t coming off.

Tears came back again, although this time they were silent. Kylo tried curling up as much as he was able without aggravating his injuries. He was still in horrible pain from being punished, and this made it so much worse. All he could do was wait while Hux puttered around the room, cleaning up a little. Tears tracked down Kylo’s cheeks from his position on the floor. He’d been spanked, punished brutally for reacting to the incredible stress he was under. He’d been muzzled like an animal. What he had to say didn’t matter a whit. The only thing that mattered was what Hux wanted, what he would take from him.

Kylo didn’t even have the energy to be angry as he lay on the floor waiting for Hux to collect him and move him where he wanted. He was just horribly afraid, and beaten, and lonely.

Hux eventually came back, picking up Kylo while trying not to hurt him any further. Kylo let out a muffled whimper as his tender flesh blazed into life again. Hux carried him down the stairs to the cage. He set him on his feet and removed the wrist and ankle restraints before pushing him into the cage, locking the door and going back upstairs after turning off the light.

Kylo didn’t even have the energy to test how strong the muzzle was. He just rolled over onto his side, wrapped his hands around the bars so he wouldn’t turn over in his sleep, and fell fast asleep, almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this delivers the goods. Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

He didn’t know how much later it was when he awoke. He blinked in confusion, completely disoriented. He was uncomfortable, in pain although he couldn’t remember why. Moonlight streamed in through the window. He rolled over, reaching for his phone on the other side of the bed. He placed some weight on his ass, and immediately blinding-hot pain flared through him. He tried to cry out, but there was something in his mouth, a choking pressure. He clawed at it, the throbbing from his backside getting worse by the second.

He rolled over onto his side, head slamming into the bars of his cage. He sat up in a panic, tearing at his neck and leaving livid red marks. There was a hand over his mouth, it was choking him, choking him. He sat up and again pain throbbed. He wanted to scream but couldn’t.

He grabbed the bars and heaved himself up onto his knees, forcing breaths through his nose until he calmed down. He opened his eyes, fully awake. Moonlight was indeed streaming through the window, but only a sliver reached him in his cage. Kylo banged his head on the bars. He remembered everything. The pain from his backside and thighs must have woken up. Now that he was lucid, he realized how unbearable it was, even when he didn’t accidentally roll on top of it.

When he thought about Hux taking him over his lap and spanking him, heat rose in his cheeks in shame. He eased his hands down the back in an exploratory way. A blinding shock of pain that made him woozy drew him up short. Kylo wondered what the marks looked like, if it was bright red, or if he had bruises that were turning purple. He supposed it was a mercy that Hux hadn’t broken the skin, but for some strange reason, Kylo thought that would have made him feel better about the whole thing. Less humiliating, somehow.

Now that he was awake, he probed the muzzle. Now that it had been in for a few hours, it was becoming very uncomfortable. The bulb of plastic shoved in his mouth had a very unpleasant taste, and although his jaw wasn’t forced open, being held in one position for a while felt uncomfortable. He tried prying the small padlocks apart, but like the collar, the muzzle was staying on until Hux was okay with it coming off. Kylo couldn’t even muster the energy to be angry about it. He just felt tired.

He thought about unclipping the small strap connecting the muzzle and the collar. It wouldn’t do a thing, since both were locked in place, but it would be a small act of rebellion that might make him feel better. Kylo fully intended on doing it, even finding it by feel at the back of his neck. He was about to spring the clasp, when the thought of Hux seeing him do that occurred to him. He would be furious. Kylo felt a secondhand burst of fear and dropped his hands immediately like they were burned. He couldn’t even fathom making Hux angry, not after what he did this time.

Kylo settled on his side again, avoiding putting any weight on his injuries. Now that he was awake, he was fully aware of how much pain he was in. His backside and thighs were throbbing in time with his pulse. He thought the only reason he’d fallen asleep in the first place was because he was so exhausted. Now that he was awake, he didn’t know if he’d be able to fall asleep again. He fantasized about sinking into a cold bath and floating there, indefinitely.

Once again, his helplessness overwhelmed him for a moment. If he was free, he could just run a cold bath and then stretch out facedown on his bed after drinking half a liquor store to fall asleep. Kylo let himself imagine it for a moment. Just stretched out on his own shitty bed, not having to be worried about being woken up. Instead, he was dependent on Hux coming down in the morning and letting him out. He thought dully that Hux was unlikely to allow him to soak in a cold bath. Miserable, he dozed off.

* * *

Kylo was lying in an awkward sideways position when Hux came down the stairs. Kylo’s eyes were open, and he jerked to attention while Hux descended the stairs. His eyes were wide and panicked as he sat up suddenly. He landed on his ass and a muffled yelp emerged from his mouth. He quickly pivoted onto his hands and knees to give his backside a break.

Hux didn’t let himself be hurried, just came down the stairs leisurely. He examined Kylo carefully. His hair was unruly and there were circles under his eyes that attested to how little sleep he had gotten. Kylo tracked him around the room with jerky movements. The muzzle was dark against his pale skin. Hux gauged his state of mind. Last night, he had succeeding in breaking Kylo, but he wasn’t sure how long it would last. He was pleased to see that a night’s rest hadn’t brought him back to an even keel. Kylo was hunched up and defensive, staring at Hux with wide eyes.

“Good morning.” Hux said calmly, opening the cage door and stepping back. Kylo stared at him. Didn’t move.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Kylo, do I really need to explain this to you? It should be pretty clear what I want from you without having to explain myself every time.”

He held out a hand to beckon him out. Kylo stared at him. Hux imagined if he were a dog, he would hesitate to put a hand out. He might bite. Kylo crawled out of the cage and stood up, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around himself, eyes down.

Hux took a step forward and Kylo flinched violently, his shoulders coming up to his ears. Hux pushed his chin up so they could lock eyes. A lock of dark hair had fallen in Kylo’s eyes. Hux couldn’t help himself. He stepped closer, brushing the hair out of Kylo’s eyes. He stroked his cheek lovingly. He was going to say something, but let the moment speak for itself. His breathing slowed, Kylo’s grew more shallow as he grew nervous.

Hux wanted to kiss him, to press him against the wall and bite into his neck, but he stopped himself. He allowed the moment to become charged. Kylo’s pulse beat in his neck. He was stock still, every muscle locked, but to his credit he didn’t move. Perhaps he could learn some obedience after all. Hux wondered if Kylo could tell what he was thinking. He stroked the edge of the muzzle and stepped back, schooling his expression again.

“Turn around.” He demanded.

Kylo’s eyes leaped up and he shook his head once, weakly, but he turned around without being asked again. Hux thrilled at his acquiescence.

“Let me see.” Hux asked.

Kylo tensed again. He turned and looked back at Hux, his eyes uncertain. Fear and humiliation were warring on his face.

Hux decided to give him a break. “I need to see if it’s going to heal by itself, or whether it needs some attention.” He explained calmly.

Kylo flushed red to the roots of his hair, turning back around to face the wall. Hux let the moment sit. He wasn’t going to ask again.

Kylo’s movements were slow and uncertain. He brought trembling hands up to his waistband and pulled the sweatpants halfway down, a grunt of pain emerging from his mouth.

Hux took a look. The flesh was still red and inflamed, looking hot to the touch. Once that started going down later today or tomorrow, the bruises would start forming. He would be in pain for at least a week, but the skin wasn’t broken, so it would heal on its own.

Hux stepped closer. Kylo was wound tight, staring intently at the wall as if it would give up some great secret. He twitched and startled with every sound that Hux made. Hux hummed in approval.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Hux gave his permission for Kylo to turn back around.

Kylo pulled his pants back up, a pained whimper about the only sound he could make. He took his time turning back around to meet Hux, looking down at the ground. His face was still bright-red.

“I imagine you’re going to be in a great deal of pain for a few days now. I don’t feel that sorry for you. You brought it on yourself. Whenever you start to feel like that, just remember why it is you’re in the situation to begin with. Understand?” Hux said, voice stern.

Kylo was hugging himself again, staring down at Hux’s shoes. He nodded listlessly without making eye contact.

Hux tapped his thigh with a hand. “Alright. Come on. You’ve wasted enough of my morning. Breakfast.”

Kylo startled, eyes coming up and then going down again. Hux didn’t wait for an answer, just turned around and strode back towards the stairs. He made it halfway before looking back to see Kylo staring uncertainly at him.

“Do I need to put you on a damn leash? Let’s go!” Hux snapped.

Kylo leaped to attention, scurrying after him, face still red.

Hux mounted the stairs. Kylo followed behind, his steps more measured and unsure. He followed close behind Hux now as if he really were being pulled behind on a leash. He made sure to stay close to Hux as he set the table. He was picking at the skin of his wrist, a nervous habit.

Hux sat down in his spot and beckoned Kylo over. He indicated the seat next to him. Kylo flushed again and stared at the chair like it was a rattlesnake. Privately, Hux thought this was amusing, but he kept his expression schooled. He wondered what Kylo would do. So far, he had been jumping at every command, and after last night’s punishment, he clearly didn’t want to disobey Hux again, but they both knew there was no way Kylo could sit down without being in agony. But, he was gagged, so he didn’t have the option of pleading.

Hux took a sip from his coffee. “What are you waiting for, Kylo?”

Kylo stared at him with pleading eyes. Hux didn’t allow himself to be moved. Reluctantly, Kylo began to move. He pulled the chair out and stepped in front of it. He swallowed nervously, and put his hands as bracers on the arms of the chair. He slowly lowered himself down into the seat. He shut his eyes and whimpered when he was only halfway down. When his butt hit the seat, he choked out a yelp of pain and leapt to his feet, unable to stand it for more than a second.

Tears of pain were in his eyes, and Kylo breathed unsteadily through his nose, working through the sharp burst of pain. A muffled sound that could have been an attempt at words came out.

Hux hadn’t moved. “Are you really disobeying me, Kylo? Again? We just talked about this, do I need to come up with another punishment for you?”

Kylo shook his head wildly, wordless protestations coming out of his mouth. He tried to say something, screwed up his face, started pulling at the muzzle like he was trying to tear it off, even though it was a lost cause. His hands dropped. All he could do was shake his head.

Hux was enjoying this. “You’re not allowed to say no to me, Kylo. I’ve been drilling this into you. I suppose you need a firmer hand than I’ve been giving you.”

Kylo’s eyes widened in panic. Muffled grunts came out of his mouth, and he shook his head like he was trying to dislodge the muzzle. His hands came up, he pointed half-heartedly at the chair and whimpered, like he was trying to mime something.

“Very well. I guess you haven’t learned your lesson after all.” Hux said, moving to stand up.

Kylo’s eyes jumped around the room, looking for anything that could save him. There was a jar of pens sitting on the table, and he lunged for one, uncapping it and scribbling frantically on a scrap of paper. His handwriting was shaky and borderline illegible. _Not saying no. Can’t sit hurts too bad. Please._

The please was underlined a few times. Kylo stepped away, dropping the pen right away like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to hold it or not. Of course, this is what Hux had wanted in the first place, why he’d left a jar of pens on the table. He leaned forward to look at what Kylo had written.

He looked up at Kylo, who was standing there nervously, waiting for his judgement. “I suppose the pain is unbearable when you sit.” He mused.

Kylo nodded eagerly.

Hux pretended like he was thinking it over, although he’d never intended on making Kylo sit. He knew it would be too much. “Alright. I can be reasonable. I’m pleased that you tried. Get down.”

A wave of relief and gratitude went over Kylo’s face. Hux pushed his seat out a little, and Kylo folded his knees and got down at his feet. Hux tugged lightly on a strand of Kylo’s hair and began to eat his breakfast. He smiled, pleased with how that had gone. Of course, he wanted unquestioning obedience from Kylo, but he didn’t want him to think that he was completely unwilling to listen to reason. He didn’t want Kylo completely broken, just tottering right on the edge.

“I want you with your hands either clasped behind your back or in your lap.” Hux said, barely even looking down.

There was a pause, and then Kylo clasped his hands in his lap. He kept dipping up and down trying to keep from any contact between his legs and ass. He hissed out a breath through his nose every time he forgot. He was looking up at Hux with a furrow in his brow now. Maybe he was coming to his senses a little. That momentary look of relief was gone, and wariness had taken its place.

Hux finished his food and pushed it back. He opened up the newspaper on his tablet and began reading the day’s headlines. He twisted a finger around a lock of Kylo’s hair and tugged lightly. “Clean up the kitchen.”

Kylo clambered to his feet. His cheeks were flushed faintly red again. He picked up Hux’s plate and carried it over to the sink. His movements were hesitant and he took extra care setting the plate down so that it didn’t make a loud noise. He found the latch for the dishwasher, and began to load the dishes into it. When he picked up the pan used to fry eggs, Hux spoke up, not looking up from his tablet.

“I want that one handwashed. The machine will ruin the coating.” He said.

Kylo washed it in the sink. While his back was turned, Hux looked over at Kylo. His shoulders were tensed, and he scrubbed the pan with a little more force than was needed. He dried it off with a towel, and then spent a minute searching through the cupboards for where it was meant to go.

Hux read about bombings and congressional meetings and wars, skipping the fluff. Kylo’s movements had stilled. He was holding the last plate, piled with extra pancakes. He looked at Hux hopefully.

“Tupperware’s in the bottom drawer. I’ll save the leftovers. They might be good for a snack later.” Hux said, looking back at the paper.

Kylo’s face fell. His free hand came up to tug on the strap behind his head. Hux could almost hear Kylo’s stomach growling. He set the plate down in dejection, rooting around for a plastic container. He put the extra food in the container, looking longingly at the food before sealing it up. He put it away in the fridge, and Hux could tell he was making an effort to keep his expression neutral. His face was twitching with the effort of concealing suppressed emotion.

“I’ll take some more coffee, dear.” Hux said, pushing his mug out a little.

While Kylo had his back turned, Hux’s phone rang. He answered it. Previously, he had left the phone upstairs or had it on silent when he was with Kylo, but he was curious to see what Kylo’s reaction was. He’d carefully curated Kylo’s disconnect from the rest of the world, not telling him the date and not mentioning any current events when he spoke with him. His phone rang and Kylo jolted violently, knocking one elbow against the counter.

“Hello?” Hux answered. Kylo turned around and stared. “Yeah, I took a look at the properties last night. I’ll be coming in later today and we can discuss it.”

Hux tapped the edge of the mug again and Kylo picked up the pot of coffee and came walking over, all the time entranced by the phone. “Did you get the papers drawn up? Phasma will just want to get started on this right away. You know how little she cares about the details.”

Kylo poured the coffee slowly. Undisguised want was painted across his face. His hands were shaking a little, and he spilled a little on the table.

Hux smacked him lightly on the ass, which was more than enough. Kylo straightened up and gave a muffled yelp of pain. Hux snapped impatiently and pointed at the spill, a wordless order. _Clean it up_. “Yeah, no, I completely agree. I’ll see you later. Bye.”

Hux finished reading the paper while Kylo cleaned up the coffee stain. His eyes were drawn by the phone lying on the table, but he averted his eyes like he’d been burned. Hux switched off the tablet and downed the rest of his coffee.

He walked over to Kylo, who was standing by the sink twisting the dishrag between his fingers like that was doing something. He seemed upset, averting his eyes while Hux herded him back down the stairs to the basement.

* * *

By the time Hux came back to get him, Kylo was about to buzz out of his skin. The pain didn’t seem to be getting better. If anything, it was beginning to get worse. The skin felt hot and inflamed, and he couldn’t lie on either side so that it was comfortable. Moving even an inch sent him into agony, but even lying still sent his pulse beating uncomfortably. He was starving, stomach rumbling occasionally, and his throat was bone dry. The gag in his mouth didn’t permit him to move his tongue at all. He could swallow, but it just made his throat feel even drier. He was compulsively swallowing, his throat clicking uncomfortably every time.

Hux came down and unlocked the door, and Kylo got out, hoping his injuries would feel better when standing, but disappointed to find out it wasn’t any better. He grabbed Hux’s hand to get his attention before letting go abruptly. He pointed at the sink emphatically, and mimed taking a drink before putting a hand over his heart, the only way he could think of to plead. His thirst was becoming maddening.

Hux laughed heartily. “Not so fast. Let’s see if you earn it.”

Hux mounted the stairs, and Kylo didn’t need to be told to follow him. He was determined and desperate to do everything right, so he could be rewarded. He waited meekly until Hux ordered him to do food prep, and he jumped on it with zeal. Everything that Hux told him to do, he did without question or hesitation. Once dinner was done, he carried Hux’s plate over to the table and waited while he sat down. Hux sat down and took a bite. Seemed pleased.

“Why don’t you go ahead and fill up a glass of water and bring it over here?” Hux said.

Kylo nearly lunged for the glasses, pulling one down and filling it up with trembling hands, feeling the water run over his hands. He handed it to Hux, who pointed at his feet. His usual shame was negligible as Kylo got to his knees.

Hux told him to turn. Small clicks sounded as the three locks were opened. Hux took his time, lining them up on the table. He started with the strap behind the top of his head, loosening it and then moving onto the next one. He pulled the muzzle away from Kylo’s face. The gag came out of Kylo’s mouth and then he was free. Kylo groaned wordlessly and massaged his jaw, trying to get the soreness out.

Hux took his time, waiting until Kylo remembered to clasp his hands behind his back. He held the water glass up, and Kylo tipped his chin and drank greedily, downing the whole thing in a few gulps. Once he was done, Hux set the glass back down. Kylo worked his jaw and tongue, opening and closing his mouth and breathing deeply through his mouth.

Hux ate, and Kylo waited patiently until Hux gave him a bite. Kylo’s skin prickled, and he felt like his taste buds were reawakening. Every few bites, Hux would give him another taste. Kylo’s hunger pangs slowly disappeared, to the point where it almost didn’t bother him that he was being fed.

Kylo had the passing thought that he should say something, but at every thought of speaking, he felt the phantom pain of being hit. He was still too sore to even think about causing more trouble. He sat patiently and ate what Hux gave him.

Hux was reading something, and he barely looked up when he finished eating. “Clean up. You’ve been behaving, so you can have another glass of water if you want.”

Kylo stood up. He almost thanked Hux, but his tongue lay dead in his mouth. Hux didn’t give him permission to speak, so he wasn’t going to tempt fate. He drank another full glass of water, wiping off the water that had dribbled down his chin. He walked around the kitchen, cleaning up the plates and putting away the leftovers. He almost didn’t notice when he had finished. He had zoned out completely while doing the work. He frowned over at Hux, who was reading his book and didn’t even appear to be paying attention to him. He wasn’t bothered by the fact that he was tidying up the kitchen while Hux relaxed, even though he felt like he should be. He searched his mind, but the vague unease whenever Hux was being nice to him remained.

Hux glanced up at him and placed his book facedown on the table. “Finished? Come here.”

Kylo walked over slowly. His heart skipped a beat when Hux picked up the muzzle. He rocked backwards on his heels like he was going to back up, although he didn’t dare. His throat clicked nervously. A low moan that was a cut-off protest built in his throat. Kylo opened his mouth to say something, but his backside throbbed in pain, reminding him why he shouldn’t.

Hux looked up at him, and took pity on him. “What is it, Kylo?”

Kylo swallowed, eyes locked on the muzzle. His voice, when it came out, was scratchy from misuse. “I – Did I do something wrong?”

Hux glanced down at the gag as if just realizing that this could be upsetting to Kylo. “No, no, you’ve been very good tonight. I just think you would benefit from having this in for a little longer.”

The thought of having the muzzle on for the next few days sent Kylo’s stomach into knots. “But-”

“If you’re good, I’ll think about taking it off tomorrow or the next day.” Hux said matter-of-factly.

The alternative, being gagged for a week or longer, was too horrible to contemplate. Kylo swallowed nervously and turned around so Hux could affix it to his head. Kylo choked as Hux pushed the gag into his mouth. His tongue was shoved to the bottom of his mouth, and he was forced to bite around it, the leather of the muzzle clamping his jaw and lips closed. The three straps were tightened behind his head and locked.

He stepped away from Hux and shook his head slowly, adjusting to the feel of the gag in his mouth. In itself, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was just the unnatural feel of his mouth being held open, of something blocking his throat that bothered him. It was the humiliation of it all that really bothered him.

Hux was standing up, stretching his back. “Come join me for the evening, Kylo.”

Kylo followed Hux with a little hesitation. Any break in their routine made him anxious, and to be fair to him, the only time he’d been in the living room so far, he’d been punished. Kylo trailed Hux over to the couch, where he clicked on the lamp. He went into the other room for a moment and came back carrying a medium-length leash which he clipped to a small ring on the arm of the couch.

Hux settled down in his seat and indicated that Kylo should get down. A lump rose in Kylo’s throat, and he thought if he hadn’t been gagged, he would be screaming by now. He couldn’t bring himself to acquiesce, couldn’t bring himself to protest, so he just stood there staring at Hux. When he saw Kylo wasn’t going to move, Hux rolled his eyes and grabbed Kylo’s arm, pulling him down to the ground. Kylo was surprised again by how strong Hux really was. Hux clipped the lead to the back of his collar and settled back in his chair with a book.

Kylo’s first instinct was to tear it off. His hand came up automatically to tug on the lead. Hux looked down at him in warning. “Keep it up, and I’ll go get the straitjacket.”

Kylo dropped his hand like he was burned. He looked at Hux angrily for a moment before dropping his eyes. Hux was settling in for the evening, and Kylo tried to adjust himself so he was a little more comfortable. He scooted back to rest against the arm of the couch, pulling his feet up. The leash didn’t give him a lot of wiggle room, so the only position left was half-leaning against Hux’s legs to avoid sitting directly on the floor. Kylo avoided it as much as possible, keeping himself upright. He had his hands in his lap, picking at his nails nervously.

There was silence for a quarter of an hour. Hux read during that time, flipping the pages steadily. With nothing to occupy his attention, Kylo studied the rest of the room. It was outfitted in dark greens and mahogany colors, rich and deep. There was the couch and two armchairs flanking it, the central reading area having a carpet on the ground. The back of the room had a door leading out to the rest of the house, and what looked like a piano in the corner. Directly in front of Kylo was a TV cabinet, door closed currently. Bay windows looked out in two directions, although it was dark outside, and he couldn’t see a thing of the outside. Bookcases lined the walls.

Hux’s hand snaked down and caressed the back of Kylo’s head. Kylo stiffened. Hux hooked a finger into his hair and tugged lightly, exerting a steady pressure. Kylo hissed a breath in. His hands fluttered up as if to push Hux away, but as if rethinking this, they returned to his lap. Kylo stared forward as Hux curled his fingers in his hair, pulling and then letting go. He kept reading all the while, and didn’t even look down at Kylo.

Kylo endured this for a while, before he began to notice himself relaxing. His back muscles were unclenching, and he was blinking much more slowly. He realized with a shock that this was actually comforting to him. Hux’s steady touch was lulling him into a state of calm that he didn’t quite understand.

Once he noticed himself relaxing, Kylo forcibly sat up again, making himself stiff. He wasn’t going to fall for any of this. He couldn’t stop Hux from doing what he wanted, but that didn’t mean he had to enjoy it one bit. Hux’s hand stilled and pulled away for a moment. Kylo’s heart leapt. He’d done it. After a moment, he realized his head felt cold. He missed Hux’s hand.

Kylo turned his head, looking up at Hux, who was using both hands to adjust his book and turn the pages. He still wasn’t looking at Kylo. Kylo turned back around, stomach in knots. What was wrong with him? He frowned. He should be glad that Hux stopped. He was. He was.

After a few moments, Hux’s hand returned. He curled Kylo’s floppy hair around his finger and tugged lightly, the sensation sending a shiver down Kylo’s spine, and not an unpleasant one. Against his better judgement, Kylo found himself relaxing again, eyes lidded to half-mast. He didn’t try to pull away again, and Hux hummed deeply, sounding pleased. The sound traveled down Kylo’s spine like liquid.

Kylo’s mind wheeled, even as he allowed this to continue. This felt good. He had felt nothing but hurt and panic for the past few weeks, and so what if this felt good? He couldn’t do anything about it anyway. He wasn’t going to analyze himself. He was too tired for any of that.

Kylo found himself leaning against Hux’s legs. It was the best way to avoid putting any pressure on his backside, and he just let it happen. Hux’s fingers pet and smoothed, slow and deliberate and gentle.

“I’m glad you’re here, Kylo. I wanted more of this, you know. I’m sorry it took so long to get here.” Hux murmured above his head.

Kylo listed, floated. He couldn’t summon up the energy to feel angry, outraged, rebellious. This felt nice, and he wasn’t going to think about it. A tear or two welled up, and Kylo scrubbed them away with the back of his hand.

Hux put his book down and continued to stroke Kylo’s hair. The room was quiet. This was almost nice. Kylo relaxed into Hux, even beginning to doze a little.

They sat that way for a while until finally Hux pulled his hand away. Kylo shivered, feeling a little bereft. Hux yawned and looked at his watch.

“Well, I’d better get to bed.” He said, unhooking Kylo. Kylo rocked forward onto his knees gratefully, eager to get away from the pain.

Kylo couldn’t stop staring at Hux’s hand on his arm while he steered Kylo back to the basement. He didn’t feel the urge to throw Hux off of him. He wondered at this dazed mood he was in. The second he was set on the steps to the basement, his heart sank, and he snapped out of it. Hux stroked the base of his skull once before locking him back in for the night. Kylo stared after him and wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little calmer after last chapter's drama. Kylo's starting to bend. Hope you enjoy.


	9. Chapter 9

The next week followed their new holding pattern. Hux would feed Kylo in the morning in the basement, then bring him upstairs for dinner and then to the living room until it was time for bed. On the second day, Hux took off the muzzle and kept it off, much to Kylo’s relief. He’d learned his lesson though. He was much less willing to mouth off than he’d been before, and he thought twice about everything he said. He couldn’t handle being punished again, especially not so soon.

It took four days for the pain to go down enough that it was bearable to put any weight on his backside. Kylo was finally able to sit normally again with only some mild pain that got a little better every day. The bruises took longer to heal, and every twinge when he moved reminded Kylo of the price of disobedience.

Their new habit of sitting in the living room was far stranger. Kylo didn’t hate it, and that’s what he was worried about. He didn’t want to acquiesce to anything Hux pushed without a fight, but it was so much better than the alternative. After a few days of this, Hux started the evening by unhooking him when he was sure Kylo would stay put. Kylo did.

One night, Kylo was sitting at Hux’s feet, playing with strands of the carpet, drawing patterns into it, clearing it off, and beginning again. He didn’t realize that he was tracing his name over and over again. There was nothing else to do on these long evenings, and they had ceased being frightening, and had just turned mundane. It was nice when Hux would play with his hair, but he wasn’t doing that now. The embarrassment of the situation never quite left him. He keenly felt the power imbalance between them, but there was really no point in fighting the most pleasant part of this nightmare. Sure, he was being routinely humiliated, but he wasn’t in a cage and he wasn’t actively being abused. He’d take this win, no matter how small.

Hux put down his book with a sigh, laying it on the arm of the couch. Kylo tensed automatically, continuing to look down at the carpet.

“Kylo, look at me.” Hux said.

Kylo turned around and looked up. He still found it very difficult to look Hux in the eyes, even when prompted.

“What kinds of books do you read?” Hux asked directly.

Kylo looked at him warily, wondering if this was some kind of a trick question. He shrugged. “I don’t read all that much.” He equivocated.

Hux waved his hand impatiently. “Yes, yes, obviously, Kylo, you don’t strike me as much of a reader. But on the few occasions when you picked up a book, what was it?”

Kylo felt a weird mix of hatred for Hux and exasperation with himself for not just answering a simple question. The exasperation felt like it came from Hux. The idea of feeling things Hux wanted him to feel scared him. He tried not to let any of this show in his face.

“Um…” He stalled, scanning Hux’s face like the right answer would show itself there. “Like, mysteries, I guess. Spy stories. Stuff like that.”

“You didn’t get tired of that kind of thing in your line of work?” Hux asked. He was looking down at Kylo with an expression he couldn’t read.

“Not yet.” Kylo said, his present tense feeling like a rebellious act. Hux didn’t seem to notice.

“Which author did you read the most?” Hux asked.

“John Le Carre.” Kylo just said the first writer that came to his mind, not even sure if he'd ever actually read one. He thought there might have been a shelf full of Le Carre books right in the doorway of the last bookstore he’d been in. God, that must have been with Rey. He can’t imagine walking into one on his own. It seemed more like something Rey would drag him to.

Hux tapped at something on his phone for a few seconds. Kylo tried not to stare at it. Hux had been using the phone more and more around Kylo. Kylo was taking note of where he put it, left breast pocket, in the hopes of getting the chance to take it. So far, that cell phone was the only link to the outside world he’d seen.

Kylo hadn’t given up on escape, but it was getting harder to find an excuse to go for it. His one attempt had been disastrous, and so far he hadn’t found another good opportunity. He was never left alone when he wasn’t locked up, there weren’t any weapons he could use in sight, and Hux had proven time and time again that he could easily overpower Kylo. He was on the lookout for car keys, but so far hadn’t seen them. He figured his best chance was taking the phone or car keys, but an opportunity had not presented itself.

Kylo was pulled out of his train of thought by Hux putting the phone away. “I’ll pick some up for you later this week.”

Kylo blinked at him, not entirely sure what he was talking about. It was like he was speaking a different language. “What?”

Hux playfully swatted him on the arm. Kylo flinched violently. “Some books. For you. I’ve decided you’ve earned it. You’ve been behaving very well this past week. I’m sure you would rather read something than doodle on the carpet.” He smiled languorously, seeming in a very good mood.

Kylo smoothed the carpet back into place with a sudden rush of guilt. Hux didn’t appear to be angry about it, but he didn’t want to take the chance. “Sorry.” He said automatically.

Hux didn’t answer. His smile was fading a little bit, and the watchful look was back in his eyes. Kylo’s heart started to triphammer a little faster, and he racked his brain. Hux clearly wanted something here, and he’d better figure out what it was fast. He was giving him books to read. Oh. _Oh._ Of course. He wanted gratitude.

Kylo swallowed nervously. “Okay. Thank you, Hux.”

Hux’s fingers were tapping on the arm of the couch. Kylo’s eyes flicked nervously over to that. “I mean, if you don’t want them, Kylo, I won’t bother going out of my way. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Kylo tasted acid in the back of his throat. He backpedaled quickly. “No, no, thank you! I do want them. I was just… surprised. I’d love some books to read.”

Hux let him dangle for a moment longer before letting him off the hook. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

Hux’s hand snaked down to pull lightly on a strand of Kylo’s hair. Kylo half-closed his eyes and relaxed. His reward for saying the right thing was Hux’s approval and his gentle touch. He was willing to admit to himself that he liked it when Hux played with his hair. It meant that Hux was pleased, and for this short moment, he was safe. He was done analyzing it.

True to his word, Hux came home two days later with a pile of ten books which he placed on the shelf. After eating dinner (Kylo was allowed to sit at the table for dinner now) and having Kylo clean up the kitchen, Hux led him into the living room again. He pointed at the ground in front of the couch. The back of Kylo’s neck prickled with embarrassment, but he got down obediently, looking over at the bookshelf with interest.

After digesting the surprise a little, Kylo had been thinking about those books non-stop for the past two days. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d read a book for fun, but the idea of having something to concentrate on besides his immediate situation was a shining light.

Kylo studied Hux while he took a look at the books on the shelf. With his dark slacks and forest-green button-down rolled up to the elbows, he looked nothing more like a professor during late office hours finding some extra reading for his class. Kylo frowned. That was a weird thought. He’d never even gone to college. Hux’s haircut was professional, but there was a distracting curl on the back of his neck. Kylo wanted to brush it aside with his thumb.

Hux turned around with a book in his hands and Kylo jumped a little, like he had been caught doing something wrong. He’d been having weird thoughts, but at least they were only thoughts. Hux didn’t have to know. Kylo felt confused. He didn’t know why he kept having those strange flashes, and he kind of wished he could stop it somehow. He didn’t want to notice that the man holding him captive was good-looking. He didn’t want to think about it at all.

Hux sat down on the couch with the book in his hand. “The clerk told me this was the first one in a series. She said you’d like it.”

Kylo looked at him, and Hux laughed. “I mean, I didn’t tell her about you, of course. I just said I needed some books for a dear friend.”

He handed the book down to Kylo, and he took it. “Thank you.” He muttered, looking down at it. There was a target overlaid on a mountain peak, and the author’s name was five times bigger than the title. The blurb on the back described it as a ‘high-octane thrill ride’.

Hux had opened his own book, and wasn’t paying him any attention, so Kylo cracked the cover and started reading, book on his lap and legs tucked under him. He’d made it through eighty pages, and felt a little punch-drunk when Hux got his attention. He dragged his attention away from the book with difficulty.

“Kylo. Time for bed. Bookmark your page. Let’s go.” Hux held out a hand for the book, and Kylo handed it over, even though he wanted to hold it to his chest and not give it over. It wasn’t even a very good book, but it had been a few hours, and he hadn’t thought about anything except for the plot in that time. It had felt like an escape from here, and anything that gave him that was welcome.

Over the next few days, Kylo got through the first book and halfway through the second. It gave him something to think about on the long days in the cage before Hux got home. He started looking forward to the evenings spent in the living room even.

One night, as Hux walked him down to the basement with a firm grip on his arm, Kylo was running through the best way to phrase the question he wanted to ask. He’d been thinking about it all day and night, nerves fluttering in his stomach, but he knew he had to ask.

When they were down the stairs and within sight of the cage, Kylo cleared his throat softly. “Uh, Hux? Can I ask you something?”

Hux turned him around, and Kylo made sure to stay pliant in his grip and not make it seem like he was resisting in any way. “What is it?” He said, tone neutral.

Kylo clenched one fist to steady himself. “I… I was just wondering if… maybe you’d let me have one of the books during the day too? Um, it’s only, the days can get pretty long, and, sometimes I think it would be easier if I could… read something…”

Kylo trailed off into silence. Hux’s expression while he was asking was the very picture of uninviting. He didn’t cut Kylo off, just let him trail off. “I don’t think so. They were a gift to reward good behavior, not an opening for you to try and railroad my hospitality.”

Kylo felt panic thrumming just below his skin. “No, I wasn’t- I wouldn’t- It was just a stupid idea, I don’t-” He backpedaled quickly.

Hux pushed him down into the cage and locked the door. He left without saying anything. The next morning, Kylo didn’t dare say anything as he ate his breakfast. He looked up at Hux periodically as he hunched over the bowl of oatmeal. Hux was standing near the window doing something on his phone and seemingly not paying him any attention. Kylo wondered if he should apologize, or if he was making too big a deal of this, and Hux hadn’t given it another thought. In the end, he didn’t say anything.

That night, after a dinner which found Hux acting normally, they went into the living room. Kylo watched Hux nervously as he walked over to the bookcase and took the book down. He locked eyes with Kylo and gave him a deliberate, slightly cruel look before dropping the book on the ground in front of him. Kylo hesitated, and leaned over to pick it up.

“Did I say you could pick it up?” Hux snapped.

Kylo jumped and dropped his hands. He looked down at the carpet, biting his lip and feeling tears threaten to spill. A lump rose in his throat, and he grimly pushed it down. Hux had already sat down behind him and started reading. Kylo dug his nail into his skin, hoping the pain would distract him from the tears. He refused to cry right now. With a jolt, he felt his nail break the skin. He quickly hid his injured hand under his leg, hoping Hux didn’t notice.

Instead of petting his hair, Hux hooked a finger in the ring of his collar and tugged every couple minutes. The pressure on his throat and the book so maddeningly close but untouchable was enough to drive the lesson home. He had to take what Hux gave him, and not ask for more.

Two nights later, Hux let him read again, although the second book in the series was gone from the shelf. Kylo took the book without comment and tried to piece together the plot as best he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short(ish) chapter! This just seemed a better break with the next chapter, so just bear with me. Again, thank you so much for all the nice comments and feedback!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry about the long wait! I was away for a few days where there was no Wi-Fi. I'll post the next chapter a little sooner than normal! More content warnings than usual might be needed for this chapter. If you are sensitive to such things, I've put the warnings in the end notes to not spoil anything.

Hux found himself distracted all day. He’d been making preparations, and he thought he was ready to push Kylo to the next step. He got home and they had their evening meal the same as they always did.

After dinner, Hux had a book open on his lap, but he wasn’t even trying to read it. He stroked Kylo’s hair, and enjoyed watching him.

Kylo sat with his legs gathered under him, leaning back on the couch and just barely brushing Hux’s leg. He was completely engrossed in the book Hux had given him, running a finger down the page and turning the page every few seconds.

Hux admired the curve of his neck, just broken by the collar around his neck. There were still occasional scratches along his neck, which meant that Kylo was still tearing at it, either consciously or in his sleep. As long as he wore it, that didn’t matter to Hux. A little bit of resistance was a good thing.

Hux closed his book, and Kylo started to read quicker, trying to get to the end of his section before Hux could stop him. Hux was pleased by how he responded to him, so he gave him an extra couple seconds.

Hux got up, taking the book and putting it back on the shelf. Kylo stood up, expecting to go back down to the cage for the night. Hux beckoned him over to the other door that led out to the front hallway and the rest of the house.

“Come on.” He said.

Kylo stiffened like he did whenever Hux changed the pattern. He got that deer-in-headlights look again, the mix of barely-suppressed terror and blind obedience that Hux couldn’t get enough of. He stared at the open door like it was dangerous.

“Isn’t it… kind of late?” He said uncertainly, trying to protest without protesting.

Hux could have drank in his fear. “I’m well aware. You’re tired of sleeping in that cage, yes? I know it’s a little too small for you.”

Kylo wavered. He could sense this was dangerous, but he didn’t know how. “Y-yes…”

“Well, I think it’s about time we get you new sleeping quarters.” Hux said.

Kylo blinked, a little gobsmacked. Hux could see the gears turning in his head. He was sure a bed sounded nothing short of heavenly after weeks in a too-small cage with no pillow or blanket. The weather was getting colder, and Hux had been turning the heat down in the basement by a few degrees for the past week. Whenever he came down in the morning, Kylo was shivering softly. It wasn’t dangerously cold, just enough for Kylo to feel uncomfortable.

Kylo took a hesitant step forward, and then another. Hux led him out into the hall. He watched Kylo gape around at the surroundings a little, wide-eyed as a tourist. He’d only seen this hall once, briefly, and hadn’t seen the upstairs at all. He’d been up there once, but had been so out of it, Hux was sure he didn’t really remember.

Hux herded him up the carpeted stairs, the sumptuous surroundings distracting Kylo for the moment. He was too caught up in the novelty of seeing something new that he forgot his nervousness. The second floor had a long hallway with doors leading off in both directions and art hanging on the walls. The door to Hux’s office was locked, and would remain so, just for security purposes, but the door to his bedroom was open.

Kylo walked forward, a frown crossing his features. He was still wary, but the siren song of a bed was too much to deny.

Hux led him into the master bedroom. A door on the left led into the spacious bathroom. The lighting was low, and all the furniture in the room was stately. Kylo’s eyes fell on the bed. He quickly connected the dots, that this was Hux’s room.

In an instant, Kylo lost any semblance of calm. He rocketed immediately into panic mode. He straightened up and his eyes grew wide. He stumbled back from Hux, crashing back into a dresser. His hands sought behind him for a weapon or some assistance, but found nothing.

Hux was between him and the door. He stalked forward slowly, watching Kylo inch away from him, breath coming in short bursts.

Kylo’s pupils were pinpricks of panic. “Don’t- Don’t come near me.” He stuttered.

Hux smiled slowly. “Kylo, dear… Calm down, now.”

Kylo took one step back for every step forward Hux took. His eyes darted around the room, desperately searching for an out. “I – I – I – It’s okay. I want to go back downstairs.” Kylo said.

Hux shook his head. “No, you don’t. I told you not to lie to me.”

Tears sprang to Kylo’s eyes. He was vibrating in worry. “Hux, _please_. You’re scaring me.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m not going to hurt you.” Hux promised, taking an unhurried step closer.

Kylo swallowed. The look of terror on his face clearly demonstrated that he didn’t believe him. “Please, let me go back downstairs. I just want to go back downstairs.” He pleaded.

Hux was enjoying this. He stopped an arm’s length away from Kylo. He was standing casually, with his hands in his pockets. Kylo was strung taught like a bow, hands gripping the dresser so tight his knuckles were white. “And why would you want to go downstairs? Wouldn’t you rather sleep in a bed?”

Kylo shook his head wildly, his cheeks pale. “I’m not – You’re not talking about a bed.” He trembled.

Hux smiled. “What am I talking about?”

Kylo knew he was toying with him. He spluttered, searching for the right words to get out of the situation. “You sa-said you wouldn’t do this.” Kylo wavered.

“I said I wouldn’t hurt you, Kylo. Let’s go.” Hux reached out to grab his arm.

Kylo immediately went into flight mode. He knocked aside Hux’s hand and ran for the door. He made it halfway down the hall before Hux caught up with him. He spun Kylo around and shoved him against the wall. He grabbed Kylo by the throat and held him against the wall. Kylo choked and spluttered, trying to tear Hux’s hands off to no avail. His breath came out in terrified bursts.

“I’m tired of this, Kylo. I’m trying to do something nice for you.” Hux spat.

Kylo pulled to no avail at his fingers. He had grown fairly skinny over the past couple weeks. Terrified tears welled in his eyes.

Hux yanked him bodily away from the wall and pinned his arms behind his back. Kylo let out a surprised yelp. Hux marched him down the hall and back into the bedroom. “Hux, Hux, _please_ don’t!” He pleaded, struggling futilely in his grip.

Hux kicked the door closed behind him and shoved Kylo at the bed. He stumbled, lost his footing, and fell face-down on the bed. He twisted around, scrambling to get up, but Hux had already pounced.

Hux grabbed a fistful of Kylo’s hair and yanked savagely. Kylo yelped in pain and fell back against the bed. Hux grabbed one of his wrists and brought it up to the rope loop already tied to the bedpost. Kylo scrabbled with his heels and used his free hand to punch Hux squarely in the jaw. He got in a good hit, but he didn’t have any leverage, so Hux was hardly fazed. He yanked the rope tight around Kylo’s wrist. Kylo shouted like he had been hurt.

Panicky whimpering came out of his mouth. Kylo’s free hand lunged for his restraints, but Hux caught his other wrist and tied that one as well. “No!” Kylo shouted, pulling desperately with both hands looking for a weakness in his restraints. The bed was too sturdy to find any weakness.

Hux got up, smoothing back his hair with a sigh. The hard part was done. Kylo watched him walk around to the end of the bed. His eyes were wide, and he trembled wildly.

“I’ll break your _fucking_ nose if you try and grab my feet!” Kylo said, voice breaking.

Hux had no doubt that he would try. “You are severely trying my patience, Kylo.” Hux growled, grabbing for one of his feet only to have to step back quickly as Kylo tried to kick him in the face. He got pretty close too.

“I fucking told you! I know you want that nose to stay on your pretty face, so stay away from me!” Kylo spat, his panic giving him the courage to talk back.

Hux raised an eyebrow at Kylo’s choice of words. He was sure Kylo didn’t even know he’d said it. Slip of the tongue. He was pleased. He’d come back to that later. He walked back to the head of the bed. Kylo whipped his head around and spat at Hux. Hux struck him so hard his cheek turned red on impact. Kylo cried out in pain.

While he was distracted, Hux grabbed one ankle and tied it tight, and then the other. Kylo realized what had happened and screamed in frustration. He struggled against his restraints, but he was held immobile.

“That could have been so much easier than it was, Kylo.” Hux said, coming back around the bed and sitting down next to him.

Kylo was trembling now. He tracked every one of Hux’s movements like it was life and death. He stared at Hux with eyes like a trapped animal. “Don’t- Don’t touch me.” He croaked.

Hux put a hand on Kylo’s stomach. Kylo full-body shuddered, a few tears streaking down the corners of his eyes. He was reaching the point where he was so scared it was hard to think.

Hux leaned over Kylo. Kylo was completely focused on his every move. He stared back, the cords in his neck taught. He was clenching his hands into fists, and Hux could tell he was digging furrows into his wrists that would leave bruises. “Kylo. Calm down. You’ll feel much better if you just take a deep breath.”

Kylo hitched in a shallow breath. He was about two seconds from bursting into sobs. A few more tears fell down his cheeks. “P-_please_, I’m just- I’m b-begging you, Hux, please, don’t-”

Hux pretended not to understand. “Don’t what?” He asked.

Kylo stared at him with teary eyes. He was still shaking. He was trying to grasp any semblance of hope. “You- You said you wouldn’t.” His voice cracked. “You said you didn’t want to have s –” Kylo couldn’t seem to finish his sentence. His throat closed up and he started crying in earnest.

“I never said I didn’t want to.” Hux clarified, hand still resting on Kylo’s stomach. “There’s something so… wild about you. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to that, that I feel the urge to control it.”

Kylo tried to answer, but he couldn’t seem to summon up the words. His shoulders shook. His skin was pale, but red blotches were appearing on his cheeks. He tried to get away from Hux, but there was nowhere to go. “Stay away from me, _please_.” He cried. “Don’t touch me.”

Hux enjoyed watching the fever pitch of terror come over the edge, but he didn’t let it go further. He hadn’t wanted to break Kylo tonight, just remind him not to get too comfortable. He stroked Kylo’s hair, and Kylo shuddered. His eyes were clamped shut, and he was clearly expecting the worst. “Kylo, I meant what I said. I told you I was bringing you up here to sleep, and that’s what I’m doing. Nothing more.” He said soothingly.

Kylo opened his eyes, still sobbing. “W-what?” He choked out, trying to keep up.

Hux brushed the hair back from his forehead. “It’s late. We’re going to sleep.”

Kylo heaved out a breath. “I don’t understand-”

Hux stood up, unbuttoning the cuffs on his shirt. “I told you at the beginning. I won’t force you. That’s not who I am. I promise you, that is never going to change. I’m going to let you calm down while I get ready for bed.”

Hux closed the door to the bathroom, leaving Kylo staring after him. He took a long shower and brushed his teeth, changing into sleeping clothes before stepping back into the room.

Kylo jumped. He had been trying to bite at the rope around his wrist, but couldn’t quite reach. He fell back against the bed and looked at Hux uncertainly. His eyes were still red.

Hux pretended not to notice, walking around the bed and plugging in his phone before getting into the bed. Kylo tried to scoot away from him, but he couldn’t move.

Kylo was silent now, staring at Hux like if he was the one to break the silence, something horrible might happen. Hux just threw the blanket over Kylo’s side of the bed and settled in, fluffing up his own pillows before turning off the light and settling in.

Kylo barely breathed beside him. Hux could tell that he was still scared. He was still pulled taught, expecting the worst.

“Good night, Kylo.” Hux said, rolling over and closing his eyes.

Kylo stayed awake for a long time after that, staring up at the ceiling and listening to Hux’s breathing beside him. He didn’t fall asleep for a long time.

In his sleep, Hux had rolled over and put an arm over Kylo’s waist. This had woken Kylo up from his exhausted doze. He rocketed awake in an instant, but there was nowhere to go. He was tied on the bed, a position that only made him feel more vulnerable. He wanted to knock Hux’s arm away, but there was nothing he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: Hux ties Kylo to a bed, and Kylo is afraid Hux is going to assault him. Nothing happens, but it's definitely a tense scene. If this worries you, you might want to sit this chapter out.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Hux woke slowly, light filtering in through the curtains. He sighed in contentment, wrapping his arm a little tighter around Kylo, nuzzling his neck a little, although that was as far as he’d allow himself to go.

Kylo’s eyes were closed, and he was purporting to be asleep, but his breathing was far too shallow for that, and it hitched every time Hux moved. Hux propped himself up on one arm and smiled fondly at Kylo. He found his attempts to avoid him to be pretty endearing.

“I know you’re awake.” Hux said.

Kylo opened his eyes reluctantly, turning his head to look at Hux.

Hux smiled languidly. “Good morning.” He said.

Kylo just looked at him with red-rimmed eyes.

Hux frowned. “Aren’t you going to wish me good morning?”

The vaguest threat was enough. “G’morning.” Kylo mumbled.

Hux’s bed had a sturdy headboard with decorative wooden posts embedded into the design. Kylo’s wrists were tied to these posts, one on the edge of the bed and the other in the middle, giving him half of the bed. There were similar posts at the foot of the bed, and this was where his feet were tied. Hux hadn’t given him much of any wiggle room. He was spread out so that he couldn’t even really bring his knees up or lift up on his shoulders. He was completely immobile. Hux had made sure there was a pillow under his head so that he wasn’t too uncomfortable.

Kylo looked absolutely exhausted. He had bags under his eyes, and his arms trembled with pent-up tension.

“You slept, didn’t you?” Hux asked in concern.

“Yes.” Kylo bit out.

“You look very tired for someone who got a full night’s sleep.” Hux said.

“I’m fine.” Kylo said, looking away.

Hux grabbed Kylo’s chin and forced him to look at him. Kylo’s eyes widened, and he came to full attention as he did whenever Hux touched him. “What did I tell you?” He demanded.

Kylo seemed to realize he was teetering on the edge of something dangerous. “I – I don’t-” He spluttered.

“I never want to hear you lying to me. Do you need another reminder?” Hux asked softly.

Kylo’s face flushed. Hux shook his head for him. “N-no.” Kylo said, closing his eyes.

“Good boy. Now answer the question.” Hux said.

“I slept a little.” Kylo swallowed, his throat working under the collar. “Um, it was hard to get to sleep. I was nervous. I couldn’t help it.”

“You just need to relax. I’m sorry the restraints were necessary, but I just can’t trust you not to try and run away. It’s okay. You’ll get used to it.” Hux said, letting go of Kylo’s chin.

Blinkered panic came and went in Kylo’s eyes. “What do you mean? Why aren’t I sleeping downstairs like before?”

Hux injected steel into his voice. “Because I’m doing something nice for you, Kylo.”

Kylo’s mouth opened like he was going to object, but something in Hux’s eyes made him think better of it. He bit down on his lips and his words, perhaps _I would rather sleep in a cage than tied up next to you_. He nodded meekly.

Hux got out of bed. Kylo watched him as he paced around the room picking out clothes for the day. He flushed red when Hux took his pajamas off and dropped them in the hamper. He quickly averted his eyes, and Hux had to laugh.

After brushing his teeth and getting dressed, Hux checked his phone, tucking it securely in his pocket before going back over to Kylo.

“I don’t need to go out until this afternoon, so I figured we could get some work done around here first.” Hux said, starting work on untying Kylo’s feet. Kylo watched him silently.

As soon as his feet were free, Kylo pushed up with his heels so he was sitting up. Hux deliberately brushed against him as he leaned over to untie his wrists. Once the ropes were removed, Kylo’s limp hands fell into his lap. He started to rub life back into them. The marks from Kylo’s struggling had turned into dark bruises. Kylo held himself gingerly.

He hugged his knees to his chest, and only upon Hux’s urging did he stand up. He still looked uncomfortable in this room, his hair standing up wild from bed and his shoulders hunched.

“Take off your clothes.” Hux ordered, waiting until Kylo followed instructions.

Kylo blinked at him owlishly. “Why?”

Hux almost rolled his eyes. “Because you need a change of clothes. I’m not going to ask again.”

“Can I get changed in there?” Kylo asked, nodding at the bathroom. He had his arms wrapped around himself defensively.

“You know the answer to that question, Kylo.” Hux snapped. “That’s twice you’ve been impertinent, and we only just got up. You’ve earned yourself a punishment. I’d suggest you hop to it if you don’t want it to get worse.”

Kylo blanched. “No, _wait_, I’m sorry, I’ll-”

Hux tapped his wrist and cut him off. “You’re only making things worse for yourself the longer you don’t do as I say.”

Kylo bit his lip, hard, to stop himself from saying anything else that would get him in trouble. His eyes dropped to the floor, and Hux could tell he was trying to keep himself from crying. But, he’d gotten the message. He slowly pulled his shirt over his head and held it in front of him like a shield.

Hux pointed. “Hamper.” He said impatiently.

Kylo parted with the shirt with obvious reluctance, dropping it in. He turned away from Hux and took off everything else. The collar and the bruises on his wrists and ankles stood out dark on his skin. He hunched in on himself and waited for further instructions. This time, he was smart enough not to say anything.

Hux walked toward the dresser, and Kylo backed away from him, standing next to the bed and wishing for cover.

Hux took his time picking out clothes for Kylo. Kylo stared at the floor, caught somewhere between misery and terror. He was shivering.

Hux handed him underwear and pants that would have been too long, but he’d gotten hemmed in. Kylo jumped to put them on. Hux handed him an old navy-blue shirt and a zip-up hoodie. He watched Kylo get dressed. Kylo still wasn’t looking at him. The shirt was one of Hux’s old shirts from college, and it pleased him to know Kylo was wearing something of his. Kylo fiddled with the zipper once he was dressed.

“Go brush your teeth. There’s an extra toothbrush in there. And splash some water on your face. You look terrible. I’ll give you a shower later.” Hux ordered.

Kylo followed instructions. Hux looked in on him and saw him staring at himself in the mirror. He looked shell-shocked, mouth half-open. Hux didn’t think that he even noticed he was there. Kylo leaned over the counter, bringing up a hand to touch the leather collar around his neck and then his cheeks.

Hux realized this was the first time Kylo had seen himself in the mirror since this all began. His hair was a little shaggier, and he was paler and skinnier. Hux wondered what Kylo was thinking. From the grief-stricken look on his face, it wasn’t anything good.

Kylo brushed his teeth and came back out into the bedroom, arms crossed defensively. He looked at the ground. He was much more subdued than he had been the past couple days. Sleeping in the bed must have made quite an impression on him.

Hux went to lead him out of the room, but Kylo hung back a little. He looked like he wanted to say something.

Hux sighed. “What is it, Kylo?”

Kylo looked up. “It’s nothi-” He cut off, perhaps not wanting to lie again so soon. “It’s just- I didn’t mean to be… impertinent. Um.”

“That doesn’t mean that you weren’t.” Hux answered him.

Spots of color appeared on Kylo’s cheeks. “Well, I didn’t _know_ that, and I wouldn’t have said that, well…”

He trailed off. Hux realized that he was trying to talk himself out of the punishment that Hux had promised. Hux let him continue. Hux didn’t tell him this, but how he chose to plead would determine how harsh the punishment would be. He wasn’t going to let him out of it entirely, but he was in a good mood. He was willing to be lenient.

Kylo was emboldened a little by the fact that Hux didn’t shut him down. He made eye contact, even. “I’ve been good the last couple days, right?” He asked hopefully.

Hux pretended to think about it. “Except for last night.”

A light frown creased Kylo’s forehead. “I was nervous. I didn’t know what you were doing.” His voice trembled with an effort to conceal his reaction. He was trying very hard to state his case, to be convincing.

Hux nodded slowly, allowing Kylo to continue.

Kylo took a deep breath. He was twisting the cord on his sweatshirt tight around his finger. “I haven’t talked back, I haven’t tried to escape or anything, I’ve, done, everything, you told me to do. Can you just, overlook what I said? Just this once? I didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a slip of the tongue. Please?”

Kylo looked at him with wary, pleading eyes. He looked so tired. The fact that he was asking at all meant a great deal. The Kylo of a few weeks ago would never have forsaken his pride to beg for leniency. But the Kylo of a few weeks ago hadn’t gone through what he had now.

“Kylo…” Hux began. Kylo jumped his eyes up to meet his, biting his lip. “I’m not going to forget your bad behavior just because you ask nicely. You need to learn better.”

Kylo’s face fell, but Hux wasn’t finished. “But, you did ask very nicely, and I know you didn’t mean it. Tell you what, if you’re good today, I’ll think about taking it easy on you.”

Kylo nodded quickly, standing up a little straighter.

Hux took Kylo down to the kitchen, and settled down at the kitchen table, opening his tablet to read the paper. “I want three eggs, scrambled with mushrooms and cheese, two sausages, and toast with a little bit of scraped butter, and peanut butter on top. And orange juice.”

Kylo looked a little taken aback. Hux wondered if Kylo even knew how to cook. “Oh. Um. Okay.” He said, trying to hide his worry.

Hux aimed a look over at him as he started trying to find the ingredients. “And fry yourself an egg and a piece of toast.”

Kylo looked a little dazed, but he nodded. He washed the mushrooms in the sink, and then stared down at them like he was realizing something.

“Is there a problem?” Hux asked.

Kylo jumped. “No.” He said quickly. “Um. How…” He swallowed. “How am I supposed to cut up the mushrooms?”

Hux looked back at his paper. “You’re a smart boy, Kylo. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Kylo ended up using a fork. He worked meticulously at it, getting out a skillet and starting the stove. His movements were uncertain, but he worked diligently. Hux looked up from his tablet and watched him. Kylo had an interesting way of moving. When he had to grab something that involved stretching over the counter, Kylo seemed curiously unwilling to do so. Instead he walked over to the item, staying in a defensive posture. He noticed Hux watching him and averted his eyes.

Kylo was staying so focused on the sausage and eggs in the skillet, and on watching them so they weren’t overdone, that he missed the acrid smell coming from the toaster. He gasped and ran over, pulling the toast out burnt. He squeezed his eyes shut and mouthed the word ‘_Fuck!’_ silently. It amused Hux so he didn’t say anything.

Kylo brought the plates over. He’d given himself the piece of burnt toast instead of toasting a new one, which was wise. He set Hux’s plate in front of him with the orange juice. Hux picked up his fork. “Looks good, Kylo.”

Kylo brightened slightly under the praise. He put his small plate in front of his spot and went to sit down.

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Kylo was halfway into his seat, and he froze, mouth half-open. Hux watched the gears turning. His eyes flicked to Hux’s plate to see that everything was accounted for.

“W-wha- I don’t-” Kylo stammered, standing up. “Am I not supposed to sit? I only thought, since I have been for the last couple days, that it was okay-”

Hux cut him off. “No, that’s not it. Don’t you think coffee goes with breakfast?”

Kylo blanched. “Oh. Yes. You didn’t say anything about coffee, so I didn’t think… you wanted any…” He trailed off.

Hux gave him a level look. “You’ve seen me drinking it every morning you’ve been here. Why wouldn’t I want any now?”

Kylo scrambled to it, hurrying to the coffee maker and filling the pot with water. “I’m sorry.” He said quickly, putting grounds on and hitting the power button. At least he seemed adept at making coffee.

Hux started eating slowly, examining every bite. He picked out a bit of eggshell and put it on the edge of the plate. “I find reading the paper is more pleasant when there’s some coffee to sip on.” He sighed.

Kylo twisted the cord of his sweatshirt around his finger so tight it cut off the blood flow. He was staring at the coffee maker as if willing it to work faster. “Sorry.” He muttered.

Hux was only half done eating by the time the coffee was done. Kylo brought over a mug. His hands were shaking imperceptibly. There was a bead of coffee running down the outside of the mug. Kylo set the mug down and then noticed it. He wiped it off with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Hux made a face of slight disgust.

“I would have preferred if you’d used a dishtowel or something.” He said, lifting the mug up to drink.

Kylo floundered for words, his mouth opening and closing. “Shit, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I’ll get you another one, I –” He blanched again, realizing he’d cursed again. “_Shi_ – I mean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” His voice was getting higher and strangled the more he panicked.

Hux grabbed Kylo’s wrist to quiet him. Kylo hissed from the pressure on his injured wrist, but stopped talking as if his voice had been cut, breathless. He looked down at Hux, nervous, awaiting his judgement.

“Sit down. Eat.” Hux ordered.

Kylo collapsed into the chair like his strings had been cut. Hux let go of his wrist and returned to his food. Kylo pulled his arm back to himself and tentatively picked up a fork. He flicked his eyes at Hux a few times, searching for an escape. “I’m sorry.” He said again, his voice a whisper.

Hux sighed heavily, not looking up from his paper. “Kylo. Stop talking.”

Kylo did, eyes sliding down to the plate. He was holding a fork loosely in his hands. His throat was working like he was fighting a losing battle against crying. He swiped an arm against his face, wiping away some tears that had escaped. He knew he’d messed up, but he stayed silent.

He ate, slowly. By the time Hux finished reading the paper, Kylo had choked down most of the food, leaving half of the toast behind. He’d just eaten around the edges. Hux noted that in an off-hand way. He was really going to have to get Kylo to eat more, or he was going to waste away. He was already growing too skinny for Hux’s tastes.

Once they were both finished eating, Hux gave it a few minutes for Kylo to catch on. Finally, he made eye contact and raised his eyebrows. “Are you waiting for something? There are dishes to be done.”

Kylo scrambled to his feet, but he was smart enough to stay silent. He cleared up the plates and cleaned up the kitchen while Hux finished reading the paper.

When he was done, Hux beckoned him back to the rest of the house. Kylo followed obediently as they went back upstairs. Kylo started to lag behind, but didn’t stop this time.

Hux brought him into his office. It was a handsomely-outfitted room with a wooden desk, rich carpeting, and a leather couch. The windows were wide and bright. Hux had the key to the office on a small chain along with the key to the cage downstairs and Kylo’s collar. This didn’t escape Kylo’s attention, his eyes drawn to it and then falling away like he had been burned.

Kylo’s eyes jumped around the room quickly, zeroing in on three things: the laptop on his desk, the phone, and car keys in a small dish. Hux noted with amusement the naked need painted on his face that he tried unsuccessfully to hide.

Hux sat behind the desk and Kylo stood in front of it, his hands clasped behind his back. He awaited instructions, a little apprehensive.

“I have work to do.” Hux said, opening his laptop and typing in the password. He looked up at Kylo, who was startled out of staring at the car keys. “The bathroom needs to be cleaned, the bed made, and the guest room aired out. There are cleaning supplies in the hall closet and under the sink. When you’re done with that, vacuum the living room and dust in here. Understand?”

Kylo was startled, staring at Hux with a questioning look on his face, although he didn’t quite dare say anything. Hux knew what he was thinking. _You’re letting me out of your sight?_ He slowly nodded, studying Hux’s face carefully, as if expecting another reprimand or kind of mind game.

Kylo took one step toward the door, but Hux held up a hand to stop him, and Kylo did, like Hux was holding onto a leash. He beckoned him closer, and Kylo came reluctantly. “One thing before you go.” Hux said.

Kylo stiffened, and Hux grabbed the ring in Kylo’s collar and yanked him down so his hands slammed down on the desk to break his fall. He yelped in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t looking at Hux, his eyes firmly trained on the far wall, biting his lip.

Hux dug around in a drawer before pulling out two sets of restraints. Kylo shuddered, closing his eyes and submitting to Hux kicking his bare feet closer together before fastening the leather cuffs around them with a hobbling chain between them, shorter than the last one. Hux grabbed his wrists and buckled them into the cuffs, a slightly longer chain between his wrists so he was able to reach things.

“I don’t want you to get any ideas, so I’ll just put these on to keep you safe.” Hux said, busy at work connecting another longer chain between his wrists and the ring on the front of his collar so he couldn’t lift his hands above shoulder height or reach too far.

“To keep me safe.” Kylo repeated colorlessly, his face haggard, exhausted. He didn’t even seem aware he’d said anything.

There were locks for these restraints that Hux attached carefully. He’d made a lot of progress over the past few weeks, but letting Kylo out of his sight was a bit of a risk. He needed to protect his possessions.

Hux smiled, squeezing Kylo’s wrists. Kylo shuddered. “You remember what I told you to do?”

Kylo nodded listlessly.

Hux wasn’t quite finished. “Good.” He grabbed the chain leading from Kylo’s neck and pulled him down so their faces were level.

Kylo had jolted out of his protective haze. He was fully attentive, staring at Hux warily. “One more thing. Open your mouth.”

Fear crept into Kylo’s face, and he tried to pull back, but Hux didn’t let up. With obvious reluctance, he parted his lips the barest amount.

“More than that.” Hux said impatiently.

Kylo opened his mouth. Because of the short chain between his collar and wrists, his hands were pulled up in a warding-off gesture that he couldn’t do anything about. Hux picked up a silver coin he had lying on the desk. He laid it on Kylo’s tongue. Kylo’s breath rushed hot over his fingers, and he blinked rapidly in confusion. He was still straining to get away.

“Just a softer reminder to stay quiet, my dear.” Hux said softly. Kylo let out a choked noise. Hux used two fingers under Kylo’s chin to shut his mouth. “Just keep that there for me. I’ll be wanting it back.”

This seemed to unsettle Kylo more than the restraints. Breath rushed out of his nose, and he was stiff with fear.

Hux released him and Kylo rocketed to his feet, stepping back a few paces and stumbling because of the hobbling chain. Hux imagined he might actually bolt if he were unrestrained.

Hux had already turned back to his laptop. “Get to work.”

After a moment, Kylo left the room. Hux worked at his laptop, doing research and sending off dozens of emails to different contacts. He had a lot going on that he needed to work on. He made sure to listen for Kylo in the other rooms, hearing the soft sounds of work going on. He’d made sure that there wasn’t anything in any of the rooms that he could actually use as a weapon, not that he would be much of a threat even if he tried. The more pressing concern would be if he tried to run, but with the restraints Kylo really couldn’t manage more than a quick shuffle. Besides, Hux would hear the door open if he went for it.

To be honest, though, Hux didn’t think he would even try. Slowly but surely, Kylo was being brought to heel. He was becoming obedient more often than not, and he’d begun to crave Hux’s approval as well as fearing his disapproval. Hux knew that physical contact shook him, so putting that coin in his mouth hopefully acted as a good replacement for touch. He hoped the coin felt like it was burning a hole in his mouth, that it felt uncomfortably intimate, that Kylo would be too busy thinking about that he wouldn’t have a thought for escape.

After about half an hour, Hux decided to check in on Kylo. He was in the guest room, wrestling with the open window, trying to shut it. He managed at long last, closing and latching it. His shoulders shook with suppressed tension. Hux stood in the doorway, wanting to step closer, to touch, but he didn’t allow himself. Kylo was so close, he refused to ruin it now.

Kylo was holding a cloth in his hand, running it over the dresser. He had to bend over so that his hands would reach. He stumbled once, and had to catch himself. He looked over his shoulder at Hux. His mouth was firmly closed. He paused in cleaning for a moment. His eyes were wide and pooling, and his expression was impossible to read. It wasn’t fear, or hatred, or exhaustion, although there was some of that as well. Was it, longing? Hux didn’t allow himself to hope. He took his leave.

It was midafternoon by the time Hux wrapped up. Kylo came back into the office and dusted. His eyes were trained firmly on his work. His cheeks were a little flushed. Hux wondered if it was from embarrassment of the demeaning work, or exertion, or what. He didn’t think Kylo would be able to tell him why even if he forced him to answer.

Kylo finished cleaning before Hux finished his work. Hux tapped his thigh like he was summoning a dog. He knew Kylo hated that, could see it in the shiver of loathing on his face that he always tried to suppress. He walked over and Hux snapped at his feet, not even looking up from his laptop.

It was a long moment, but perhaps remembering his promise to behave, Kylo got to his knees next to Hux, his cheeks flaming red. Hux reached a hand down absently and tugged at the back of Kylo’s collar, getting a muffled sound of protest. The chain was too short to allow Kylo to clasp his hands in his lap.

“Clasp your hands together or lace your fingers behind your neck.” Hux commanded. Now he did get a look of hatred from Kylo. He knew what he was thinking. _Like hell I’m putting my hands together like I’m praying while I’m kneeling at your feet_. He clasped his fingers behind his neck, the chains softly clinking when he moved.

Hux massaged his scalp and finished up his last few emails. Kylo was stiff, upset, nothing like the languorous creature he became when they read in the living room in the evenings. At least there he could sometimes get away with pretending that he was just sitting on the floor under no compulsion. Here, he keenly felt the power imbalance. Hux hoped he felt put in his place, like an object whose use had been fulfilled.

Finally, Hux finished and pushed his chair out. He looked down at Kylo. “You did everything I asked of you?”

Kylo nodded. Wariness and hatred dominated his expression.

“I won’t find out later that you forgot something? If you tell me now, I won’t be angry. If I find out later, that’ll be a different matter entirely.” Hux said, tipping Kylo’s chin up to meet him.

Kylo shook his head.

Hux nodded firmly. “Up.”

Kylo wobbled unsteadily on his way up, but he made it.

“Bend down.” Hux said. “Mouth open.”

Kylo did. The silver coin was still on his tongue. He looked fairly eager to get it out. Hux took his time. He stretched the moment out, the only sound their breathing, intimate, quiet. Kylo straightened up immediately after Hux took the coin, licking his lips and grimacing.

Hux had to get to a meeting, so he took Kylo’s arm and led him back down to the basement after locking the office again. He left Kylo standing in the middle of the room for a moment, as he got something out of the other room.

With no warning, he grabbed Kylo and forced his jaw open. Kylo cried out and started to struggle, but Hux forced a black ball gag into his mouth, fastening the straps firmly behind his head and locking it for good measure. He let go of Kylo for a moment so he could get something out of his pocket. Kylo stumbled forward, trying to get away from him. He keened, the sound muffled from behind the gag. His eyes were panicked as he wheeled around to look at Hux, tearing at the straps to no avail.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten your punishment, Kylo. We’ll talk more about it when I get back.” Hux said, his voice icy.

Kylo huffed out a choked noise. Hux spun him around and started to fasten a blindfold around his eyes, pulling it tight so no light could get through. He tied it tightly, triple-knotting it so Kylo would have no chance of getting it off.

Kylo was struggling in earnest now, perhaps remembering the box he’d been put in last time. He threw his weight and dragged his feet as Hux dragged him back to the cage. Hux threw him in and then locked the door.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, I expect. Maybe tomorrow, I’m not sure. You will be punished when I come back.” Hux said, leaving Kylo. He could hear the choked and muffled sound of crying as he mounted the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Kylo just can't catch a break, can he? Just for the record, I don't think cleaning a house is demeaning, but Hux sucks, and he would lmao.


	12. Chapter 12

Kylo didn’t know how long it was before Hux came back to collect him. He spent that time waiting, all he could do. To keep at bay his growing panic over whatever his punishment was going to entail, he increasingly found himself thinking about that coin Hux had placed on his tongue. That had been very strange. When Hux told him to open his mouth, Kylo had panicked, fearing the worst. It didn’t matter how many times Hux said he wouldn’t force himself on Kylo, he couldn’t help being afraid, because Kylo could tell Hux wanted to. He could see it in his eyes every time he got close. He didn’t know what was stopping him. He had Kylo at his mercy, under his complete control, so why not? Kylo didn’t know, and he didn’t want to think about it too hard.

The entire time he had been cleaning, he felt the coin burning into him. He couldn’t move his tongue for fear he’d accidentally swallow it, so the entire time it was there, he could feel the phantom touch of Hux putting it in his mouth. He still wasn’t sure what to do with it. The coin had left an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach that lingered.

Kylo’s heart was still pounding because of the blindfold. He just needed earplugs and a straightjacket, and he’d be right back in that box again. Being locked in the box had been the worst part of this entire nightmare. He would do _anything_ to avoid that box again. He didn’t care that he knew exactly what he would be looking at if he weren’t blindfolded. It was just yet another aspect of his life that was taken from his control. He had precious few of those left, and he wanted to keep them tight to the chest.

He’d tried to get the blindfold off, rubbing the back of his head against the bars of the cage, but the blindfold was knotted too tightly to be dislodged. He breathed out through his nose, trying to get used to the gag. It wasn’t too big, but he couldn’t breathe around it. He felt like if he could just get his teeth around it, he’d have more control, but he couldn’t. The gag pressed against his tongue and held his mouth open in a position that was more uncomfortable than painful.

Kylo heard Hux’s feet descending the stairs, and sat up, paying attention. He thought Hux would say something, but he stayed silent. He heard the lock on his cage open, and then rough hands were pulling him out. He was left alone for a moment, and Kylo cocked his head, trying to follow Hux around the room. He was getting nervous again.

Kylo let out a muffled yelp as he was bodily picked up and slung across Hux’s shoulder in a fireman’s carry. He struggled a little in his surprise, but after receiving a smack, he stilled. Kylo wasn’t sure why Hux wasn’t talking to him. He would have preferred this, even if Hux was talking about all the things he’d done wrong.

They ascended the stairs and then went through the house. With his knowledge of the layout of the house, Kylo knew he was being brought upstairs. He was carried through a door on the right. Kylo thought it was probably the study. He was dropped unceremoniously on the ground. Kylo landed with a grunt and tried to get up, but a heavy boot on his lower back wordlessly warned him to stay down. Kylo stayed down.

Kylo waited, frozen, listening to Hux walk around the room. There was some rustling and clinking from behind him. Kylo wracked his brain, trying to figure out what he was listening to. It sounded like ice cubes clicking together. Was Hux making a drink?

Hux came back, and Kylo could hear his weight settling down in front of him. Kylo’s heart was beating so that it hurt. He waited for something, a word, a blow, anything. But nothing came.

Thoughts ran wildly through Kylo’s mind. He was going to be punished. Hux had told him that much. Was this part of it? Was he supposed to be doing something? Was he digging himself a bigger hole by not doing what Hux wanted? He wanted to do what Hux wanted, so that he wouldn’t be beaten so hard he wasn’t able to sit down again. He’d really like to avoid that.

Kylo waited for instructions, and still nothing. He could hear Hux breathing, knew he was sitting in front of him, probably looking right at him. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t talk to beg forgiveness. He’d been warned to stay down. What? What was he supposed to do?

What if Hux was giving him a chance to make it better, and he was just too stupid to figure it out? Kylo wracked his mind trying to remember if Hux had said anything that would give him a clue. He couldn’t think of anything. He waited, breathlessly. He had to do something. He was wasting his time sitting here when he could be pleading his case.

Kylo moved, getting up on his elbows, making sure to keep his face trained down to the floor. Hux didn’t say anything. Kylo crawled, shame pooling down his spine, to get over to the couch where he knew Hux was sitting. He made sure not to get any higher than that. Finally, he reached Hux. His hand brushed against one of his shoes, attached to one of his legs, casually waiting for Kylo.

Kylo grabbed the hem of Hux’s pants and held on. He let out a strangled ‘_Mph!’_, the only sound he could make around the gag, hoping that Hux would know he meant he was sorry. He pressed his forehead against Hux’s knee in a conciliatory gesture, hoping this is what Hux wanted. He couldn’t apologize with words, but he could do this.

There was a long, drawn-out silence, in which Kylo began to second-guess himself. Finally, Hux spoke.

“A pity.” He said softly. Kylo started. “If you had just stayed where I put you for just a little longer, I was going to put you to bed with no punishment. You would have shown me that you respected my authority. I gave you one directive, and that was to stay put. And you couldn’t even stick to that. So now I have to teach you another lesson.”

Hux sighed deeply. Dread flooded Kylo’s stomach. He fell back and shook his head wildly, trying to talk around the gag, to explain himself. “_Mph!_”

It didn’t work. Hux was already standing up, retrieving something from the other end of the room. He came back and then there was a weight pinning Kylo down. He struggled to get free, but he had no chance. Hux unlocked the wrist and ankle restraints, unbuckling them but leaving the blindfold and gag.

The weight disappeared, and Kylo tried to scramble to his feet only to have Hux put the foot back on his back and shove him down to the ground. Kylo hit his elbow against the hard ground, jarring his funny bone and sending his nerve endings singing. He let out a muffled cry.

Hux’s voice came from above, bodiless and brooking absolutely no argument. “Clothes. Off. Now.” He was angry now.

Kylo was flooded with panic. He sat up, hands going for the knot on the blindfold. Suddenly, the sound of an open palm hitting skin sounded in the room. Kylo saw stars and pain exploded in his right cheek.

Hands grabbed his arms and shook him so hard it hurt. “Are you _really_ going to fight me now? After I tried to go easy on you not once but twice today. You make it impossible, Kylo. I give you chance after chance and you squander every last one. Do you enjoy it when I hurt you? Is that it? Do you want to make me angry? Because you’re succeeding.”

Kylo whipped his head from side to side, muffled words trying to come out. _No_, he tried to say. _No, I don’t want you to hurt me!_ A garbled _‘Mph! Mphh gstk mph mphh!’ _is all that he could manage.

Hux grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head back so far his neck hurt. Kylo wailed, or would have if he could. Tears sprang to his eyes under the blindfold. “Either you take your clothes off or I’ll tear them off for you.” Hux hissed, sounding more serious than Kylo had ever heard before. There was no doubt in Kylo’s mind that he would.

Somehow, Kylo had ended up against the couch. He pressed his forehead into it, trying to breathe around the choked sobs that he couldn’t seem to stop. His hands were shaking as he pulled his shirt over his head. The second it was over his head, Hux snatched it from him. Kylo flinched like some kind of security had been taken from him. Shakily, Kylo did the same with his pants and underwear. They were snatched away, and Kylo sat naked, vulnerable, terrified, huddled on the floor without use of his eyes and no way to ask for clemency. He hugged his knees to his chest, but Hux violently hooked a finger into the back of his collar and dragged him out into the middle of the room. Kylo choked and struggled to keep up. He was deposited unceremoniously on the floor.

Kylo couldn’t move. He felt like his brain had short-circuited with panic. He felt like he was choking, the gag was cutting off his airway, he clawed at his throat, scratching furrows into his throat, in his confused panic trying to tear off the collar.

The first blow came on his right hip. A cruel _crack_ echoed through the room and a line of fire exploded across Kylo’s upper thigh. It was like all the breath was sucked back into his body. Kylo scrambled to get away, but Hux stepped cruelly on his hand, grinding the bones into the floor until he screamed, the sound muffled in agony. Kylo rolled over, trying to protect himself. He could hear the clink of a buckle swinging from Hux’s hand as he paced around him in a circle. Kylo was getting disoriented. He wasn’t sure where he was in the room anymore, and it felt like Hux was everywhere.

It must be a belt. Hux was hitting him with a belt instead of his hand this time, and it hurt so much more. Kylo wondered if he was bleeding, and only after touching the puffy skin did he know he wasn’t.

The next three hits came in quick succession and without warning. _Crack!_ One square in the middle of his back. Kylo wailed. _Crack_! One on his bicep when he tried to turn away. _Crack!_ One caught him under the ribs, and that hurt more than the other two combined.

Kylo sobbed with abandon, his tears just sticking the blindfold onto his face even more. He rolled over, trying to protect himself as much as possible, make himself a smaller target. Fingers dug into his shoulder, and he was pushed flat on his back. One vicious strike caught him across the belly. Kylo howled.

He was allowed to curl up into a ball on the ground. Hux paced closer, and Kylo whimpered. “You keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You question me when I order you to do something. You continue to have a foul mouth even when I have told you repeatedly to watch your mouth. You think that you have the luxury of thinking for yourself instead of just doing what I tell you when I tell you. I wouldn’t have to do this if you would just learn your lesson the first time.” Hux’s voice was strong and impassioned. He followed every single one of these points with a crack of the belt in midair. None of these touched Kylo, but he flinched violently every time.

One strike caught him on the bottom of his feet. Kylo nearly choked on his fear, scrambling to get away from the belt. The next one whipped around his inner thigh. Kylo’s brain shorted out from the pain for a moment. He collapsed, unable to think.

It kept going like that for who knew how long. The blows weren’t concentrated in one place like last time, but all over the place. Each separate blow was agony, fire spreading up and down his nerve endings. The worst part was that he never knew where the next blow was coming from. He felt like he was in a maelstrom, being battered from all angles. Kylo was screaming and crying and blubbering. He quickly lost all ability to reason. The only thing he could do was batten down and try and weather the storm. Every inch of him hurt.

Eventually, consciousness returned to him. Hux was talking to him. There was nothing more important than Hux. He needed to listen.

“You can end this any time, sweetheart. All you need to do is apologize to me.” Hux was saying.

Kylo willed himself to pay attention. Another blow went across his back. He shook his head, trying to find Hux. He got to his knees and lunged for him. Hux stepped back and laughed. He whipped Kylo on the backs of his thighs. Kylo tried again. This time he caught a handful of Hux’s pants. He teetered forward, wrapping his arms around Hux’s knees.

Kylo was a mess by this time. He was sobbing his heart out, tears dripping off his chin. His jaw and throat ached from the muffled screaming. All he could do was hold on to Hux. He pressed his forehead against Hux’s leg, willing him to understand everything he couldn’t say.

Hux disentangled himself from Kylo’s grip and stepped away. Kylo was left on his knees, but Hux leaned down. “Are you sorry?” Kylo nodded rapidly, face pointed where he thought Hux was. He tried to catch his breath. “Are you sorry for wasting my time and making me discipline you instead of just behaving?”

Kylo nodded. _Yes yes yes._ Anything to stop this.

“Let’s hear it then.” Hux fiddled with something behind his head and then he was pulling the gag out of his mouth so that it hung around his neck.

Kylo sucked in a deep breath. He was still crying, it was so hard to think. He knew that he needed to say something. He had to summon up words, that’s all, but it was so hard to do. His voice croaked, he managed a few incoherent words. “I’m… Mmm…”

His heart pounded faster. There was a small voice in his head screaming at him. _Just say you’re sorry! That’s all you have to do! String two words together right now or he’s going to hurt you more! Just say I’m sorry!_ He tried, he really did, but he was having a hard time thinking. He hurt, and he was disoriented, and all he could seem to do was sob.

Hux gave him a few seconds. He sounded like he was smiling. “No? Alright, Kylo. You want to make it hard for yourself.”

He grabbed Kylo again, and Kylo struggled and screamed. “_No!_” He hammered against Hux’s chest, but Hux shoved the gag into his mouth again and fastened the straps behind his head. Kylo dropped his head to the ground in defeat, choking on sobs.

The blows began again. Everywhere. Kylo tried to curl into a ball to protect himself, but every time he did, Hux would push and pull so he was vulnerable to attack from another angle. Every inch of him was open for Hux, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He didn’t know how long it was until he was given another chance. The last five blows were spaced out so that he was never sure when another one was coming. The dozens of marks on him ached and throbbed, felt like the skin had been flayed off of them, although he was sure that wasn’t true. Kylo’s head spun, he wasn’t sure where he was anymore. The only thing he was sure about was Hux. Hux was here and he needed to apologize, or this would go on forever.

After one particularly vicious strike across his side and chest that left Kylo screaming, the sound muffled, Hux knelt down again.

“Let’s try this one more time, shall we?” He said, unbuckling the gag and leaving it hanging around his neck.

This time, Kylo knew what was expected of him. The tiny voice at the back of his head took charge of the reins, shoving aside all the pain and exhaustion, just for this one moment of survival. “_I’m sorry!_” He cried, voice croaking and hoarse. “Sorry, Hux, I’m s-sorry. Sorry sorry sorry.”

Hux didn’t answer for a moment. “You know, I think you are.”

Kylo hitched a breath, and burst into tears again. He didn’t know how he was still capable of crying, but they came. He pressed his face into Hux’s chest, limbs quaking and body aching. He clung to him, in his feverish state of mind thinking that if he was close to Hux, Hux couldn’t hurt him anymore.

Hux stroked his sweaty hair and ran a hand down his back, Kylo whimpering in pain whenever he brushed a mark he’d left. “I suppose I should clean you up, but I think I’ll leave that for the morning. Let’s get you to bed, huh?”

Before Kylo could protest, Hux put the gag back in his mouth and cinched the straps behind his head so that it was firmly in. He let go of Kylo, and Kylo fell to the floor, shaking and trying to catch his breath. He didn’t dare touch the gag or the blindfold, although his hands were free for the moment. He just lay there while Hux left the room. He hoped Hux was going to give him some clothes. Now that the punishment was over, he was feeling self-conscious about his vulnerability. His nakedness combined with the blindfold made him feel remarkably unsafe.

But, when Hux came back, he didn’t have any clothes. He picked Kylo up and carried him to the bedroom. Kylo’s mind wheeled, and he wondered at how strong Hux was, that this didn’t even seem to faze him.

He was deposited softly on the bed, and Kylo whimpered a little from the pressure on his wounds, although it wasn’t unbearable like last time. He tried to curl into a ball again, but Hux grabbed his hands and guided them up to the headboard. Kylo didn’t have the energy to struggle. Hux tied one wrist securely and then the other, a steady pressure holding his arms open. Kylo’s feet were pulled down so he was stretched out and then his ankles were tied as well. Kylo was keenly aware of his nakedness, but the ropes didn’t leave any wiggle room to curl up. His temples pounded. He just wanted to fall asleep, but he couldn’t relax from survival mode while he was vulnerable and on display like this.

He’d stopped crying, and the marks were throbbing all over his body. Kylo listened to Hux walk around the room, going into the bathroom and then coming back out. When Hux got into bed, Kylo tensed again, but Hux threw a heavy blanket over him and rolled over on the other side. Kylo felt marginally safer with this piece of cover, but he still wanted to stay awake just in case Hux decided to try something. He tried, but within moments, his exhaustion caught up with him, and he felt himself drifting off into sleep.

* * *

He awoke sometime later from a dream of Rey. They were standing on a cliff above a deep quarry, both wearing swimsuits. Rey was egging him on, urging him to jump. He told her he didn’t want to, but she laughed and told him to follow her down. She took a running leap towards the water. He awoke just as he was reaching out for her, but he was brought up short by the ropes. It all came flooding back to him. His body ached. He was blind. He was sleeping next to Hux.

Kylo couldn’t seem to fall back asleep. He tried to shift a little bit to get some relief, but it didn’t help. He wished he knew what time it was. He could tell by Hux’s breathing that he was fast asleep. Kylo’s wrists ached from where the ropes were pressing against the bruises he already had. He tried flexing his fingers, and that helped a little bit. His fingers brushed against hair. Kylo frowned, getting a strand between his fingers. Hux’s head was right next to his left hand, and he was able to grab a few strands. That was all. Kylo rubbed the hair over his fingertips. Hux’s hair was coarse, which surprised him.

This felt strange, like he was being daring. He liked the idea of touching Hux when he was unaware of it, no matter how insignificant. It wasn’t like he could do anything to hurt Hux. It was only a curl of hair, nothing more. Kylo thought he should stop. He didn’t. He imagined it was a lover instead of Hux, that he was safe in his own home, stroking their hair because he could, eyes closed because he was tired, not because they were blindfolded. He felt himself relaxing. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind, warning him to stop. _This is dangerous_, the small voice said. _Don’t forget where you are. You’re not safe, you’re being held against your will. You need to stay on your toes_. He knew the voice was right, but it had been such a long day. He couldn’t be blamed for wanting something nice, just one moment of peace in all this. He fell back asleep.

He was awoken again by Hux getting up. Kylo figured it was morning. He listened to Hux get dressed, move around the room and disappear into the bathroom for a while. The peace from last night was gone. The wariness was back. He ached all over from last night, made even worse from staying in one position. His muscles were cramped, his temples and jaw ached.

He was startled by Hux coming back and sitting on the edge of the bed. There were deft fingers at the back of his head, and then the blindfold fell away. Kylo clamped his eyes shut against the blinding light coming in through the windows.

Hux was murmuring softly as he untied his ankles. “Give it a moment to adjust. Your eyes are going to be sore.”

Kylo’s eyes watered, and he cracked one and then the other, blinking rapidly as his blurry vision righted itself. Hux was leaning over him, looking casually put together. He untied Kylo’s hands. Kylo waited until he leaned back and then sat up with an audible groan, massaging his sore wrists. There was a ring of purple bruises around both.

Hux wordlessly tapped his chin, and Kylo obediently turned his head. Hux unbuckled the straps and pulled the gag out of his mouth. Kylo whimpered in relief and hunched in on himself, massaging his jaw to get the stiffness out. He clutched the blanket to him, and he couldn’t seem to make eye contact with Hux.

Hux stood up and beckoned him to the bathroom. Kylo wasn’t crazy about leaving behind the shelter of the bed, but after last night, he wasn’t going to argue with anything Hux said. He swung his feet over the side of the bed and tried to stand up. Immediately, a line of fire exploded across the bottom of his feet, and he had to grab the bedpost quickly to stop from falling to the ground. He’d forgotten one of Hux’s strikes had caught him on the bottom of his feet last night. Walking was going to be a problem.

Hux had already disappeared into the bathroom, and Kylo didn’t want to keep him waiting. He limped across the room, every mark from last night screaming for attention. He swallowed down a groan of pain.

Hux sat on the edge of the tub. He looked at Kylo unsmilingly. “Get in.”

Kylo followed instructions, arms trembling as he got into the warm water. It shocked a groan out of him as he sunk into the water. He was a little nervous that Hux was still acting cold. Last time when he was punished, Hux seemed to have forgotten all about it after it was done.

Kylo tried to cross his arms over his chest, but Hux interrupted him. “No.” He warned once. Kylo flinched and then left them by his sides. He stared down at his toes.

Hux rolled up his sleeves and leaned over. “I need to check your marks, make sure the skin isn’t broken. I don’t want you getting an infection.”

Kylo let him take his arm and examine the marks left all over him. What had felt raised and puffy had gone down and turned into livid bruises overnight. Kylo noticed for the first time the map of bruises all over his body. He looked like a patchwork quilt. His face heated up, and he tried not to hiss in pain when Hux’s fingers probed each mark separately.

Hux had him lean forward so he could check his back. “I hope we can have a more pleasant day today, Kylo. Despite what you may believe to the contrary, I don’t derive enjoyment from punishing you, but I will not brook disobedience.”

Kylo was grateful that his face was pointed away from Hux’s at that moment, because he wasn’t sure he was altogether successful at concealing his expression of disbelief. _Give me a fucking break_, he thought sullenly. _You love this_.

Hux finished his examination and sat back. He was still holding one of Kylo’s hands, his grip wrapped gently around his bruised wrist. The bruises throbbed. “_Are_ we going to have a better day today, Kylo?”

Kylo looked up at Hux with red eyes. He didn’t know if he was allowed to speak, and he wasn’t going to risk it. He nodded carefully.

Hux smiled and released his wrist. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.”

He let go and eased Kylo back and began to wash his hair. Kylo closed his eyes, put his hand under his leg and dug his fingers into one of his bruises. He tried to stay pliant, although every instinct was screaming at him to get out of the tub and go running. This felt even more intimate than the other times Hux had bathed him. His skin crawled, but all he could do was bear it. He dug into the bruise and expended every ounce of effort on remaining still and not reacting.

To his immense relief, Hux made no comment and allowed him to pretend to ignore what was happening. When he was done, he handed Kylo a towel and indicated a pile of clothes sitting on the sink.

Hux’s phone rang, and he left the room to answer it, leaving Kylo alone. Kylo was grateful for the privacy, drying off and getting dressed as quick as possible. He had to sit on the edge of the tub, because standing was still an issue.

He wasn’t in overwhelming pain like the last time, but every movement brought a new ache to the surface, reminding him of what had happened last night. His fingers probed a particularly livid bruise on his right side that was throbbing more than the rest. It twinged every time he breathed in.

Kylo sat in a daze, listening to Hux discussing business over the phone. He’d been let into Hux’s office for the first time yesterday, and he knew that was the key to escaping. Phone, laptop, or keys. Any of those would give him a fighting chance. If only he could get to one of them without Hux noticing. He was being allowed to walk around the house more, and if that kept up, he might get a chance. Hux had only left him alone the once, and he’d been in the room with what he needed to escape, but Kylo promised to stay vigilant. When Hux finally made a mistake, he had to take it. He’d been given so few chances up to this point, he couldn’t squander it.

Kylo was exhausted. He actually found himself nodding off when Hux came back. Hux beckoned him, and Kylo felt that familiar sense of adrenaline surge through him. He got to his feet with a wince, seeing Hux look pleased.

He limped after Hux, biting his lips to keep the whimpers in. He had to hold onto the walls and tables to keep walking. He tried balancing only on his toes or on his heels, but it was hard to keep that up. He was especially slow coming down the stairs, gripping the banister and hobbling down. Hux stood with his hands in his pockets watching him. Kylo hated him with a rising surge that he had to tamp down on.

Hux read the paper while Kylo made breakfast. He remembered to make coffee first and set that down on the table. It was hard to move, and his hands shook fairly violently while he tried to make food. The bruises had set in deep over the night, and moving at all aggravated his injuries. He bit his lip and leaned against the counter to try and find an untapped well of energy that he was sure was hiding in there somewhere. He saw Hux watching him out of the corner of his eye, that he knew how much pain Kylo was in. Hux smiled and turned back to his paper. Kylo saw red, and this anger temporarily cut through the pain and let him finish breakfast without making any more mistakes.

Kylo didn’t have much of an appetite (not that he ever did anymore) and he ate a few bites and then pushed his food around his plate while Hux ate. He stayed silent while Hux chattered about the news (never anything enlightening about the outside world) and his day. Kylo felt so exhausted he could lay his head down on the table right here. He thought about it for a moment and realized he hadn’t had a decent night’s rest in months. He’d been in a near-constant state of fear and pain for that long, it was no wonder he wasn’t feeling well.

Kylo flinched when Hux squeezed his forkless wrist. “Kylo, are you even listening to me?” Hux demanded.

Kylo rocketed back to attention. He was horrified to realize he had completely dozed off. He had no idea what Hux had been saying. He looked at Hux with startled eyes. He nodded. He still didn’t feel comfortable speaking. Whenever he opened his mouth, he said the wrong thing and ended up being punished for it.

Hux shook his head. “I _said_, you aren’t eating your breakfast.”

Kylo looked down at his scrambled eggs he’d only taken a few bites out of. His stomach turned over. They looked rubbery and unappetizing. He couldn’t imagine eating them. He picked up his fork. “Sorry,” He nearly whispered, his voice croaky from disuse. That seemed like the only thing he could safely say anymore.

Hux watched him until Kylo took another bite, slowly chewing and swallowing, fighting against his gag reflex as they slid down his throat.

“You haven’t been eating recently.” Hux noted, taking a sip of coffee. “Why is that?”

Kylo tensed up while he focused all his attention on forcing down another bite. He hated it when Hux asked him an open-ended question. There was so much room for error when he wasn’t sure what it was Hux wanted to hear.

“Sorry. I haven’t… been very hungry.” Kylo said quietly. He could only raise his eyes up to Hux’s chin. That seemed safer. He quickly ate another bite, to show Hux that he was cooperating.

Hux almost seemed concerned. “It’s only that I worry about you. You need to eat so that you can keep your strength up.”

All the implications of that statement, the unending nature of this situation, made Kylo taste bile. He struggled with the most current bite. He wanted to just spit it out. His stomach was roiling. He nodded listlessly.

“Is it the eggs?” Hux asked. “I’ve been buying these ones because they’re cheaper, but I might go back to brown because they taste better.”

Kylo boggled at Hux. He felt the hysterical need to laugh, which he tamped down on as hard as he could. “The eggs are fine.” He said carefully, monitoring his tone to make sure it was even-keeled.

Hux sighed. “It’s just that I want the best for you.” His hand came up to stroke Kylo’s cheek. Kylo stiffened. The eggs tasted slimy and disgusting. He tried to force himself to swallow, but they sat in his mouth like plastic. “You’re very precious to me, Kylo. Do you believe that?”

Kylo swallowed with difficulty. He looked at Hux carefully. His body ached. “Yes.” He whispered.

Hux was in a strange, maudlin mood. He traced one of the livid purple bruises on Kylo’s arm. He shivered. “It’s only that, you belong to me, you’re mine, and I know the responsibility that places in my lap. And, well, if I’m harsh with you sometimes, it’s only because I care about you. And that also means that I won’t let you starve yourself.”

Kylo was having a hard time sitting still. The need to start screaming was almost overwhelming. He could even see where Hux was coming from, in his own sick way. He didn’t want to be able to empathize with this, the fact that he did in any way scared him half to death. “I’m not… starving myself.” He said.

Hux raised an eyebrow. “No? Then finish your food.”

Kylo tried. He really did. He picked up his fork but felt what he’d already eaten threaten to come back up. He dropped the fork, miserable, sure that this would result in another punishment, but unable to help it. “Hux, please, I… I can’t. I feel sick.” He whispered, readying himself for a shout or a blow.

None came. “I can see that. I’ll help you.” Hux said, hooking two fingers into the ring at the front of Kylo’s collar. Against his will, Kylo felt himself pulled to his feet and over so that he was leaning over the table. There was a steady pressure against his throat. His heart pounded.

Hux picked up his fork for him and speared a bite. Kylo’s forearms held up his weight as he was pulled over. His arms were shaking from the weight, out of exhaustion or fear he couldn’t say.

“Open up.” Hux ordered. Kylo did, and Hux fed him a bite. Kylo closed his mouth obediently and chewed. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to swallow. He might just chew and chew until he couldn’t anymore.

Kylo locked desperate eyes with Hux. Hux was calm and collected, waiting for Kylo to finish chewing. He didn’t look angry or impatient. Kylo thought that if he did, he might not have been able to swallow the eggs. There was something weirdly comforting about Hux in this moment, even as he was demeaning and force-feeding him. Kylo’s head spun in confusion.

Hux was still sitting casually in his seat. He’d pulled the plate of eggs right in front of him for easy access. His left hand, holding Kylo down, was hooked into his collar while his elbow rested easily on the table. Kylo was bent double, forearms pressed flat against the table and having nowhere to look except Hux’s chest. His waist pressed into the table, and his legs quivered.

“I know this is hard for you.” Hux soothed, his voice coming from an authoritative place above his head.

Kylo opened his mouth dumbly again, chewing and swallowing another bite. Weirdly, his stomach had quieted. He was able to eat this no problem, even though it was being forced on him.

Hux fed him again. “There’s a difference between what you _can’t_ do and what you _won’t_ do, and I know the difference. When you won’t do something, that’s when I have to discipline you, that’s when you’re being disobedient and bratty. That’s one thing. I’m not going to punish you for something you can’t do. I know you tried your best. Right, Kylo?”

Kylo couldn’t nod, couldn’t really speak. He hummed in agreement. He wasn’t struggling at all. He didn’t even want to struggle.

“I can help you through this, all you have to do is open up to me, submit to what I know is best.” Hux soothed more.

Kylo chewed, swallowed, blinked. Hux held him down with a steady pressure on his collar. Kylo felt strange, floaty. It wasn’t a scary feeling, it felt peaceful. He knew that in this moment, Hux had taken charge, was holding him down. All Kylo had to do was eat. That wasn’t hard. Not at all. Hux wasn’t angry with him. All he had to do right now was follow orders. That was easy.

“Good boy.” Hux murmured softly.

Hux had him finish the entire plate. Kylo was almost disappointed when Hux let go of him. He blinked in slow confusion and straightened up. Hux smiled languidly at him and told him to clean the kitchen. Kylo did so, his skin still tingling where Hux had touched him, confused by what had just happened.

Hux, watching his slow movements as he cleaned up, was not confused. He was pleased. Kylo had quieted under his hand just then, relaxed and perfectly submissive. He had allowed Hux to force-feed him, and now was probably grappling with what had just happened.

Before leaving for the day, Hux brought Kylo into the living room and told him to stand against the fireplace. Kylo did so, still looking a little dazed and limping. Hux got a camera out of the closet and turned it on.

Kylo stared at him while he set up. “What are you doing?” He asked nervously.

“Taking your picture, dear. Stand up straight.” Hux answered, snapping a few pictures of Kylo, wide-eyed and wavering in front of the fireplace. He looked. The bruises on his wrists stood out nice and clear. His collar was clearly visible. He’d already taken a few pictures of Kylo at various times, usually when he didn’t notice, when he had been blindfolded or asleep.

Wariness came back into Kylo’s face. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t say anything. He complied when Hux told him to take off the sweatshirt, to see the bruises better.

Hux looked up from the pictures he’d taken. “Do you miss your family very much? Or your old partner Rey?” He asked abruptly.

Kylo tugged his shirt back on slowly and hunkered down for an assault, hugging his arms around himself. Hux would bring up his family every so often, just little comments here or there about how they had let Kylo down in some way, treated him unfairly. They weren’t here for him in the same way Hux was. They’d abandoned him, they didn’t care about him. Nothing overt, but Kylo wasn’t stupid. He could read the subtext, knew exactly what Hux was trying to do.

Unfortunately, knowing what he was doing didn’t help any. Hux made a few good points in between all the manipulation. Luke probably should have pushed harder that day for his plan instead of letting Kylo make a bad decision. Leia could have done something more fruitful to help Kylo atone rather than sending him into exile. Rey should have been there when he needed her. Han had never been the most present father, and in his darkest moments, Kylo worried that he didn’t even really care that Kylo had been missing for so long.

These thoughts might be unfair, and selfish, but he couldn’t help thinking them, especially as Hux continued to hammer away at his resistance brick by brick. More and more often, when his thoughts turned to his family, it was with resentment. Something Hux had never said, but Kylo came around to, was that they really _had_ seemed to have abandoned him. He’d been here for what might have been weeks or maybe even months, and there was no sign of rescue. He hoped that they were out there somewhere looking for him, but in his lowest moments, he wondered.

Kylo shrugged in answer, about all he could manage. He just didn’t have the energy to resist Hux today. He was just so tired.

“Well, the only reason I ask is, I haven’t heard back from them after I sent them the pictures. I thought they would be interested in knowing how you’re doing, but maybe they’ve been too busy to answer.” Hux said, tucking the new pictures into his shirt pocket.

Kylo felt like he’d been plunged into ice water. He stared at Hux. “What?” He asked, his tongue numb.

Hux’s smile bled cruelty like a wound. “I know you care about them, although it seems to me like they haven’t really earned that affection. I gave them an opportunity to respond, but I guess you’re not that important to them.”

Kylo suddenly felt dizzy at the thought of Leia or Rey seeing him like this, bruised and broken. “You’re lying. You wouldn’t.”

“When have you ever known me to lie? I know how to cover my tracks. I have received no response from them, no ‘_Don’t you dare hurt him_’ or ‘_When I get my hands on you, you’ll be sorry_’. Anything of that nature. So tedious, and yet so predictable. But apparently not in this case. Total radio silence.”

Kylo tried not to believe him, but it was hard to think about anything else over the intense rush of shame that was coursing through him. It was bad enough that all this was happening, but the idea that other people knew what was happening? Could see _pictures_ of the bruises and collar and traumatized look in his eyes? That was too much. It was enough to make him want to sink into the floor so that he’d never have to look them in the eyes again. Not that he probably ever would.

“They, they wouldn’t just… leave me here.” Kylo stuttered, voice trailing off.

Hux gave him a look that was all too knowing. “It seems like they have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra-long chapter for you all for Sunday. This was originally shorter, but I combined two chapters, because I wanted to leave you with a little more of the aftermath of the beating. Again, all your kudos and comments are really encouraging and wonderful. Thank you very much!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional content warnings for this chapter: Vague mention of sexual assault in a dream sequence (if you'd like to skip it, skip the four italicized paragraphs) and suicidal ideation.

The next few days, they fell back into a routine. Kylo would be tied hand and foot to the bed at night, and in the morning, he would make breakfast while Hux caught up with the day. He was locked back in the cage while Hux went to work. When he came back, they would make dinner together, and then afterwards, Hux would allow Kylo to read at his feet in the living room until it was time for bed. His bruises healed slowly, leaving marks on him for two weeks after that. The bruises on his wrists refused to heal, because of his sleeping situation, they never got a chance to. Kylo’s wrists ached constantly, but he was careful not to complain about it.

Kylo felt frustrated by his continuing failure to find a good opportunity to escape. Even if he could get at Hux’s phone for a minute or two, that might be enough. No opportunity arose. After being punished again, Kylo was a lot more obedient. He hated that he was being manipulated like this, but it was so much easier to just go along.

One night, Hux brought Kylo into the bedroom like normal. Kylo was resigned, if still unhappy, to being tied down, and he prepared himself for another night of being immobile, exposed, and uncomfortable. But instead of lashing him to the bed, Hux went into the other room for something. Kylo frowned.

Hux came back with a new set of restraints. Kylo took an involuntary step backwards, looking down at the mass of straps nervously.

Hux put them on the bed. “I think it’s time we moved onto this. Tying you to the bed was only temporary. It’s not very convenient, and it’s aggravating the injuries on your wrists. Now that you’re used to this sleeping arrangement, we can change it a little. You’ll be sleeping like this from now on.”

Kylo swallowed down the nervousness in his throat. Not being tied down did sound really nice, but anything new had the potential of being dangerous or painful.

Hux beckoned him over to stand next to him. Kylo reluctantly came over. He was clad in sleep shorts and a shirt, and he felt a rush of relief that Hux didn’t order him to take them off.

“Arms out.” Hux said briskly, getting to the business at hand.

Kylo put his hands up, and watched while Hux fastened a thick, sturdy leather strap around his waist. He buckled it up firmly and then grabbed one of Kylo’s wrists and then the other. His wrists were buckled securely into loops on either side of his waist. Kylo flexed his fingers. He was still being tied up, but so far it wasn’t painful like being lashed to the bed.

Another wide strap was buckled around his chest and attached to his upper arms so he didn’t have any leverage to move his arms away from his torso. Kylo tested his restraints. He was able to bend, but not to move his arms at all.

Kylo watched Hux lay out the rest of the leather restraints on the bed. There seemed to be an awful lot of them. He felt the familiar rush of claustrophobic anxiety. He hated being tied up and restrained, no matter how often it happened.

“Um, you don’t really… need… all of those…” Kylo tried appealing, but knew even as he was in the middle of his sentence that he probably should have just stayed quiet.

Hux slapped him once, firm and casual. Kylo flinched violently. “I’ll tell you what I need. You don’t get a say in the matter. In fact, Kylo, congratulations. You’ve earned yourself a gag when you sleep for… well, a while at least.”

Kylo wanted to protest, opened his mouth and then wisely closed it. He dropped his eyes to the ground, shaking. He cursed himself.

Hux pushed him back. Kylo lost his balance and fell back onto the bed with a surprised grunt. He stared at the ceiling, lips trembling as Hux finished tying him up. There were two cuffs buckled around each leg and connected by a buckle that didn’t allow him to pull his legs apart at all, but he could shift around a little. One set of these cuffs were fastened above his knees, and another pair around his ankles.

Hux clipped a short lead from his ankles to a ring on the back of the strap around his waist so that his legs were pulled back, making it impossible for him to go anywhere, not that he would have been able to anyway.

Hux looked down on him contemplatively, like he was considering his work. He nodded in satisfaction and walked over to the bureau, taking off his watch and unbuttoning his shirt. He went back into his office for a few minutes, leaving Kylo alone.

Kylo took advantage of his extremely limited range of movement. He wriggled around on the bed, trying to roll over and finding that impossible because of his legs. Hux had left him with his nose pressed into the comforter, and Kylo fought to get into a slightly less demeaning position. It was harder than he thought to move anywhere in these restraints, and he started to pant from exertion.

With a feeling like triumph, Kylo managed to inch his way up to the head of the bed. He hooked his chin onto the headboard and managed to pull himself halfway up so he was leaning sideways against the headboard. He panted and even gave a short laugh for himself. Who knew that he would reach a day where sitting on a bed would come to feel like progress? The thought soured what little good feeling he had felt for such a short time.

Hux came back into the room and raised an eyebrow at him, smiling a little like he was a particularly industrious pet. “Better?” He asked, tone vaguely mocking.

Kylo glared at him. He felt a surge of irritation that was dangerous, that always meant he was going to say something that would get him in trouble. “Yeah, thought I’d go for a run.” He snapped, still panting.

Kylo blanched, realizing what he’d just said. Thankfully for him, Hux was in a good mood. He laughed, coming over and ruffling his hair. “Hysterical.”

He disappeared into the bathroom and Kylo heard the shower turn on. He strained and struggled against his restraints. He had maybe ten minutes of uninterrupted time. He would see if he could get loose or find some weakness. He couldn’t find one. The straps were buckled in very securely, and didn’t leave him with much of a range of movement. His hands were down, but they were secured to the sides of his hips, so he couldn’t reach the straps around his legs at all. If he didn’t have straps around his knees, he might have enough of a range of movement that he could lift his ankles up so his hands could reach them, but tied as they were, he didn’t have a chance.

He writhed and found himself slipping down into a horizontal position again, getting a face full of pillow. He growled in frustration and tried to get himself back up again. “_Fuck! Fuck you, Hux. Fuck you. Fuck you_.” He hissed under his breath, heart hammering and face blazing from exertion and humiliation.

He lost the fight. He had a clear line of sight down the hallway to the stairs. He fantasized about walking down those stairs and out the door. He wondered if he could drag himself to the door. For once, he wasn’t secured to anything, and he had been left alone. He knew it would never work. He would never have enough time before Hux came back, and he was pretty sure he would only be able to get off the bed onto the floor. Kylo wasn’t sure he would be able to crawl all the way to the door, not when he’d had such difficulty even sitting up. And even if he miraculously made it off the bed, down the hallway and the stairs, and somehow figured out how to open the door when he couldn’t stand up, then what? There weren’t any neighbors anywhere close. He hadn’t seen another soul the entire time he’d been here. He didn’t even know where _here_ was. He had no idea where the closest town was, if it was walkable at all.

Not for the first time, the hopelessness of his situation rose up and tried to overwhelm him. Kylo felt a huge pressure in his chest that wanted to burst. He pressed his face into the pillows and tried to muffle the sobbing that came out of nowhere.

Hux came out of the bathroom then. Kylo couldn’t look at him. He miserably stared at the door, eyes rimmed red.

Hux paused, came closer. He ran a hand over Kylo’s back, drawing out a full-body shudder. “Oh sweetheart…”

Kylo’s voice was choked with the attempt to hold back tears. A few fell down his cheek. “Why can’t you just let me go?” He choked out miserably. “_Please_, just let me go.”

Hux seemed pleased, if not moved, by Kylo’s pleading. “Honey, you know I can’t do that…” He continued massaging Kylo’s back. He was sitting on the edge of the bed right behind Kylo.

Kylo struggled to turn to face Hux. He looked desperate. “Yes, you can. You can do whatever you want. I – I won’t –”

“You won’t say anything? Kylo, come on. We both know that isn’t true.” Hux soothed.

Kylo’s eyes swam with unshed tears. He blinked furiously. “Please let me go, Hux. Please. You’re killing me. Just let me go.” His voice was thin and reedy.

Hux shook his head, still rubbing comforting thumbs over Kylo’s arms. “In any case, I don’t want to. I love you, Kylo. You’re mine, and you’re not going anywhere.” A possessive tone darkened his voice.

Kylo hiccoughed out a sob and buried his face back in the pillow. His shoulders shook as he cried. Hux leaned closer and kept a comforting hand on his back. Eventually, he stopped crying and lifted his head. His eyes were red and blotchy, and he took a few minutes to get his breathing back under control.

Hux stood up and went back into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came back, Kylo was still half-lying on the bed, watching him from wary eyes. Hux could tell from the hopeless look on his face that he was thinking about how he was completely at Hux’s mercy and would remain that way. At least he’d stopped crying.

Hux checked a few more straps on the bed. “Well, time to get to bed. I have a busy day tomorrow. Up.”

He pulled on the ring on the back of Kylo’s collar. Kylo choked and struggled to get into a sitting position. When he was sitting up, Hux pulled out a brown leather gag. Kylo stared at it with tired resignation, although he still jerked in protest when Hux got behind him and strapped it on.

This gag was softer than the others. There was nothing forced into Kylo’s mouth this time. It was a solid strip of leather that molded itself to Kylo’s chin and lower face. It started just below Kylo’s nose and wrapped around his chin, forcing his lips closed and his mouth to stay shut. There were two straps, one on the bottom that was buckled around the base of his skull, and the other went above his ears to be buckled squarely behind his head. This gag was less punishing than the others, and more firm, suited for long-term use. Kylo whimpered when his head was released, shaking it from side to side as he always did to get used to the feel of it.

“You’ll be wearing this at night from now on, but it shouldn’t hurt your jaw, and it’ll be perfectly comfortable to wear in bed.” Hux said.

Kylo aimed a wounded look his way, his eyes still red. _Comfortable for who, exactly?_ was his unspoken protest.

With swift, efficient movement, Hux pushed Kylo facedown on the bed again. Kylo let out a muffled squeak of surprise. Hux unclipped the lead between his ankles and waist and walked back to the closet to hang it up.

Kylo struggled to roll over onto his side, but Hux got to him before he could make much progress. Hux grabbed him and turned him over onto his back, easily like moving an object to his liking. Kylo didn’t like being manhandled, and he growled into the gag, aiming a weak kick at Hux that didn’t land.

Hux laughed. “Still a kicker, I see.” He clipped a short lead from his ankles to a sturdy ring in the foot of the bed. He walked over and got into the bed on the other side. He rolled Kylo halfway over so he could clip the ring behind his waist to a strap on the bed, which immobilized him. Lastly, he attached a longer lead from the back of his collar to a ring bolted securely to the bedstead.

Kylo stared up at the ceiling, trembling from anger, fear, or an attempt to keep from crying again. His eyes were still red.

Hux plugged in his phone and set an alarm before turning the light off and settling in. “Don’t worry, you won’t be sleeping like that forever. Once you get used to it, and as long as you’re good, I’ll think about relaxing some of those restraints. At least the strap connected to your waist so you can roll over. Good night, Kylo.”

He ran a loving hand through his hair and then drifted off to sleep.

Kylo didn’t have as much of an easy time falling asleep. He stared up at the ceiling and waited until Hux fell asleep. Then, as quietly as he possibly could, he tried to wriggle around, see if there was any weakness in his restraints. He was just able to push down his heels into the mattress to lift up his hips a little bit. He stretched his fingers out, trying to reach the clip tying him to the strap on the bed. He strained, but his fingers just couldn’t reach. His wrists ached where he was straining against his cuffs. He tried the other hand with no success. He was breathing heavily from his nose, and the lead was tugging on his collar, choking him a little. Eventually he collapsed, just as tied up as before.

Kylo’s skin felt hot. He swallowed down a lump in his throat. He felt like screaming or crying or raging, but he couldn’t do any of those things. He shifted uncomfortably in his restraints, trying to find a comfortable position. He really wanted to roll over onto his side, just to get a little distance from Hux, but that wasn’t in the cards.

His toes were cold where they peeked out of the blanket. He tried to pull his knees up to get warmer, but he was brought up short by the ties. He lay there miserably, listening to Hux breathe.

Hux grumbled in his sleep and rolled over, a possessive arm snaking across Kylo’s waist in his sleep. Kylo stared at Hux, the thin moonlight streaming in through the window. He looked handsome and easy, even in sleep. Despite everything, it felt grounding, calming, to have someone hold onto him. When Hux wasn’t awake, when he didn’t have to be on high alert for every order and shift in mood, Kylo could almost trick himself into enjoying the simple pleasure of human contact. For some reason, the arm around his waist made his eyes close to half-mast, and Kylo found himself drifting off to sleep.

_Kylo woke up, and everything was strange. He was tied hand and foot to the bed. But it wasn’t the same bed, it wasn’t the same room. Everything was lit by a strange red light. Kylo struggled, he screamed, but nothing seemed to happen._

_Then Hux was there. He didn’t open a door, in fact there didn’t seem to be a door here. All of a sudden, he was just standing in front of Kylo, a dark look on his face, the expression Kylo had seen a few times when they got close, the one that made panic grip his heart. But the Hux he knew was holding back for some reason. This Hux wasn’t._

_Kylo watched him come closer, petrified. The man who owned him, body and soul, had him completely at his mercy. Kylo wanted to scream, and he did scream, but it didn’t do a thing. Hux climbed onto the bed, towering over him, and he surged down, pressing Kylo into the mattress and kissed him heavily, with teeth. He pulled away, and Kylo was gasping, but Hux surged in again, biting him on the neck and shoulders. Kylo screamed._

_He was helpless, absolutely helpless, and Hux wasn’t stopping, he was taking what he wanted, and what he wanted was Kylo, and there was nothing Kylo could do about it. Hux’s weight held him down, and every inch of him was covered in Hux, Hux was everywhere, Hux controlled everything, and Kylo opened his mouth to scream, but he couldn’t, there was something in the way, he was choking, and–_

Kylo rocketed awake. He would have leaped out of bed if he wasn’t brought up short by the restraints. His heart was hammering, and he was soaked in sweat. Panic was squeezing his throat, and Kylo whipped his head from side to side, letting out a muffled moan. He quickly took stock of the situation. He was still in Hux’s bed, but he was clothed, Hux was still asleep. Pre-dawn light filtered through the room. Kylo had to ease his head back down, because he was pulling against his collar and choking himself.

He breathed unsteadily, shaking, panic still buzzing in his head. It took him a long few moments to have enough mental capacity to take stock. It was a nightmare. Only a nightmare. Hux hadn’t touched him, still wouldn’t for some reason even though he could. Kylo was almost perversely glad he was gagged, because if he wasn’t, he surely would have woken up screaming and woken up Hux.

It had been a nightmare, only a nightmare, Kylo tried to convince himself as he slowly backed down from blinding panic. Although it was a little harder to convince himself that it was a harmless dream when the dream was still a distinct possibility. Hux controlled every aspect of his life; what he wore, when he ate, how he slept, whether or not he could talk. Hux had even said he was interested in Kylo, but that he wouldn’t force himself on him without giving any particular reason. And without knowing a reason, Kylo felt like Hux could just change his mind at any time. It wasn’t like Kylo had any say in the matter. Or any matter, really. Kylo uneasily lay there, trying to calm himself down, knowing he wanted to appear calm when Hux woke up.

Kylo still felt shaky and a little sick by the time Hux woke up. Kylo’s heart pounded. He had the groundless idea that Hux would take one look at him and _know_. He’d look right into Kylo’s head and know what he was scared of, what he was thinking about. The idea made no sense, and yet it consumed his thoughts.

Hux stirred, his arm tightening around Kylo’s waist. He mumbled, coming into wakefulness. Kylo stared at him, still trembling a little bit. Just before Hux could wake fully, his phone rang. Kylo shuddered in relief as Hux let go of him, rolling over and answering the phone.

“Yeah?” He grumbled, voice still sleep-heavy. _Sounds good on him_, Kylo thought out of the blue, and then tried to push that thought away at arm’s length. He couldn’t seem to stop thinking those things, although he desperately wanted to. Sure, Hux was good-looking and authoritative, and maybe in any other situation… Kylo slammed the door on that thought as fast as he could. He _wasn’t_ in any other situation. He was here, held captive, tied to a bed, and he needed to keep his head on his shoulders.

He couldn’t really hear the voice at the other end of the phone. Kylo didn’t bother pretending to be asleep. He wriggled uncomfortably, straining his neck and trying to turn his hips to the side. He had a little bit of slack.

Hux was watching him while he listened to the person on the other end, occasionally breaking in and asking a quick question. Kylo grabbed the sheets and tried to use that as leverage, but he kept trying to use his legs, and they just yanked against the strap tying him to the foot of the bed with a dull thunk.

He growled in frustration behind the gag. Hux’s lips curved up in a smile of amusement, lazily resting on his side and watching Kylo like he was a sideshow attraction. “Mitaka told me he was taking care of that. I’m sick of Snoke railroading us for services he hasn’t paid for yet. No, I understand.”

Kylo felt a rush of irritation. He jerked his feet against their restraints again, making the thunking sound again.

Hux was expending most of his attention on the phone call, but he put a finger up to his lips in warning. _Stay quiet_.

Kylo was still shaken by the dream, and he wanted to take it out on Hux. He glared at him rebelliously and yanked his feet again.

Hux moved fast. He still held his phone up to his ear, but he got up and straddled Kylo’s waist, yanking his hair back painfully, exposing his neck.

Kylo let out a muffled yelp and tears sprang to his eyes. His hands instinctively tried to ward off Hux, but the only thing they could do was grab weakly at his pants. He struggled, but he was securely tied down and held down by Hux’s weight.

Hux hadn’t lost his amused, easy mood. He was holding Kylo’s hair in his grip with a punishing force, but he didn’t seem angry while he looked down at Kylo, still listening to the other person on the line. “I’ll come in later today and deal with it. Don’t worry. We can take care of this problem. No. No, it’s all fine.”

Kylo blinked rapidly, and tears of pain obscured his vision. He was whimpering, but Hux didn’t let him go. This position was much too close to the dream he had, and fear crawled up the back of his throat. He looked pleadingly at Hux, wordlessly trying to ask to be let go. Hux was still smiling, and he didn’t let up at all.

“Yes, that sounds good, Jack. I’ll see you later this afternoon. Goodbye.” Hux hung up the phone and tossed it casually beside him on the bed. Now, he gave Kylo his full attention.

Kylo’s scalp burned where Hux was holding his hair. His eyes swam with tears.

“It’s very rude to interrupt someone while they’re on the phone, you know.” Hux said in a patronizing tone, like he was explaining something very simple.

Kylo’s breath came in interrupted bursts. He squeezed his eyes shut, fists clenching in an attempt to deal with the pain.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Hux snapped.

Kylo’s eyes flew open, and he looked at Hux with wide, desperate eyes. His throat worked as muffled words tried to escape from his mouth. The pain in his scalp was quickly becoming unbearable.

Hux still seemed casual, wielding his power over Kylo like it wasn’t a big deal. His weight pressed down on Kylo’s waist, one hand was fisted in his hair, while the other rested beside his head. Hux was leaned over Kylo. Kylo could smell him, his scent invading his nostrils.

“If you want to act out, that’s your decision, but you’re going to face the consequences, and you need to learn that. It’s not something that I thought would be too difficult to understand, but here we are.” Hux said.

Kylo tried to speak through the gag, but he couldn’t even open his mouth. He whimpered again. He blinked away more tears. His face was growing warm.

Hux held him like that for a few more moments, his body a heavy weight and his grip bruising. “Now, as you heard, I have work to do today, which means I don’t have time to deal with your bad behavior.”

All Kylo could do was hold on, staring at Hux and waiting for him to release him.

“Are you going to be good if I let you go?” Hux asked him at long last.

Kylo couldn’t even nod his head. He grabbed the edge of Hux’s pant leg and grunted, hoping that it would convey the _yes_ he couldn’t say.

Hux let him dangle for a moment, like he was considering his sincerity before finally letting him go and standing up. The burning pain in his scalp was released and Kylo hitched an unsteady breath and tried to get himself back under control. He wanted to curl up on his side but was unable to.

Hux seemed to have lost interest in him, walking into the other room and turning the water on, brushing his teeth and getting dressed.

Kylo lay there, the agony on his scalp slowly decreasing to a painful throbbing. Hux came back, but now he was businesslike, done with the easy amusement of the morning. He unclipped the lead from Kylo’s collar, waist, and ankles and then sat him up with rough, efficient hands. Kylo’s head spun as all the blood rushed to his head.

Hux unbuckled the gag and helped Kylo blow his nose quickly, Kylo gasping now that his mouth was free. It was a short-lived freedom, though, as Hux came back with the more heavy-duty muzzle, forcing it into Kylo’s mouth. Kylo choked in dismay as Hux buckled it behind his head, tightly.

He still didn’t speak to him as he lifted Kylo over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and walked down the hall. Kylo was still tied up from the night, and his head swam as he was carried downstairs. Hux deposited him in the cage and locked the door like usual. He didn’t even look at Kylo as he turned off the light and went back upstairs.

Kylo listened in dismay as his footsteps walking around disappeared. It was only after a few minutes that Kylo realized with a sinking stomach that Hux hadn’t allowed him to use the bathroom or given him any water or food. It seemed he was down here until Hux decided he would be let out.

Kylo leaned his feverish face against the cold bars of the cage and tried to keep his breathing under control, trying not to start crying again. He was aching and uncomfortable, but worst of all was the weird guilt that settled in his gut, that he had acted stupidly and now Hux was treating him appropriately. Strangely of all, he felt like he deserved it. Maybe Hux was right. If he didn’t try to antagonize him all the time, Hux wouldn’t have a reason to punish him. Hux could be nice when Kylo behaved. He gave him books to read, he stroked his hair. If anything, Hux was fair. He never hurt Kylo arbitrarily, only when he’d done something to deserve it. Kylo knew the rules of his captivity. Maybe it would be easier if he started to follow them. He’d never once gained anything by rebelling.

Kylo had to push that thought away at arm’s length as well. He knew going down that road was dangerous.

The morning wore on. His throat ached and thirst was a constant companion. By far the worst and most troubling part of this was that he had to go to the bathroom quite badly. It was a constant, maddening reminder, and Kylo nervously shifted around to keep weight off his bladder. He looked in concern at the sunlight and noticed that it wasn’t even noon yet. He’d been sitting here for hours, and the need was becoming worse and worse every minute.

Kylo cursed himself for getting himself into this situation. Even though he always came to regret it, he couldn’t stop himself from antagonizing Hux. It felt important for some reason he couldn’t articulate. He thought that the day he stopped struggling was the day he gave up and accepted Hux’s reign over him. So he would keep on fighting, even though right now he regretted it.

The pressure began to feel unbearable somewhere after noon. It was hard for Kylo to estimate what time it was considering the sun was on the other side of the house, but he could be sure that Hux wasn’t coming back anytime soon. Even if he was home now, he might just leave Kylo down here.

He tried to think about anything at all besides his current physical concerns, but it was becoming impossible. Somewhere around midafternoon, early evening, Kylo realized that he had no choice. He was in steadily increasing pain, and he would just have to swallow his pride and let go of his bladder. There was no helping it.

Even when he knew it was inevitable, Kylo held off until he physically couldn’t handle it a moment longer. He even flirted with the idea of pulling his pants down so he didn’t get them dirty, but his restraints wouldn’t allow for that.

With a feeling of deep shame, Kylo let go. He stared at the opposite wall and felt warmth course down his leg. His face heated up in embarrassment. He hated himself, he hated what he’d been reduced to. If he had just stayed compliant, Hux would have let him go to the bathroom and would have untied him before putting him in the cage. He’d gotten himself into this mess. His skin felt hot and tight with shame, even as he immediately felt better physically. He felt disgusting and small.

What he didn’t notice during this reflection was that he didn’t blame Hux. Not once.

It was long after the sun went down that Hux finally came home. Kylo sat there in his cage miserably, both needing Hux to come down and untie him and dreading it at the same time. His muscles were aching from their position, and he was horribly thirsty. It was almost the only thing he could think about.

There was a horrible moment when the sounds upstairs stopped that Kylo thought Hux might have gone to bed and just left him down here. He trembled in relief and dread when he finally heard Hux coming down the stairs.

Although he had been waiting for Hux all day, now that he was finally here, Kylo couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes. He curled up as best he could in the corner of his cage and stared at the floor.

Hux came down with his hands in his pockets. He saw the wet spot and his nose wrinkled in disgust. Kylo hunched his shoulders in, his face flaming in embarrassment.

“You’re not a fucking animal, Kylo. You couldn’t have waited for me?” Hux’s voice was laced with contempt.

Kylo flicked his eyes up to meet Hux’s for just a moment, as if to apologize, and then they returned to the floor. He felt disgusting and pathetic. _Couldn’t_ he have waited longer?

Hux sighed again and walked into the other room for a moment. He unlocked the cage door and pulled Kylo out by the back of his collar. Kylo choked and tried to keep up, his heels pushing against the floor. Hux deposited him on the floor and hunkered down, roughly unbuckling the muzzle and pulling it out of Kylo’s mouth. Kylo groaned in relief, his jaw aching. Hux shoved him facedown on the floor and untied him, throwing each of the restraints onto the floor in turn. Kylo’s arms and legs tingled as feeling returned to them.

“This is not how I wanted to spend my night, cleaning up after you.” Hux said angrily.

Kylo tried to push himself into a sitting position, but Hux wasn’t finished. Hux yanked on his wrists and pulled him up. Kylo yelped in surprise. Hux pulled Kylo’s shirt over his head without ceremony and threw it on the floor as well. Kylo was feeling battered, and he tried to scoot back to the wall, but Hux pulled the rest of his clothes off roughly, depositing them on the floor and then getting to his feet.

Kylo huddled against the wall next to the shower, hugging his knees to his chest. He stared at Hux with huge eyes.

Hux wasn’t even looking at him as he pulled a hose off the wall and turned the water on. A blast of cold water hit him like a physical force and Kylo yelped, scrambling back and trying to get away from it. It was freezing cold and drenched him from head to toe. He pressed himself against the wall and tried to get away from the water, but it kept coming. After a second, he opened his mouth and gulped down a few mouthfuls, but he started to choke and splutter.

“Hux, _Hux_, stop!” Kylo cried out, covering his head and trying to breathe through the deluge.

At last, the water stopped. Kylo leaned over and coughed up what felt like a lungful of water. His throat burned.

Hux turned the hose on the cage before walking back over to the wall, rolling up the hose and hanging it back up. Water dripped in the silence. Kylo jumped as Hux threw a towel at him. He realized he was shivering. It was cold down here.

Kylo dried himself off quickly, kind of crouching defensively against the wall. Hux had been watching him with his arms crossed, and he snatched the towel out of his hands before disappearing into the other room for a moment. Kylo stared after him with wide eyes, his heart in his throat. He didn’t move even when Hux was out of sight, and he was free with a sightline toward the stairs. He felt frozen in place, cold and vulnerable. Hux seemed angry, he was barely looking at him or speaking to him. This gave Kylo a strange feeling he couldn’t analyze in the pit of his stomach.

Hux came back, his sleeves pushed up. He grabbed Kylo by the collar and dragged him back to the cage, shoving him in. Kylo landed on his hands and knees with a surprised sound. He turned around as Hux dropped a small sandwich in a plastic bag and a water bottle on the ground and locked the door.

Kylo felt a blind stab of panic. He scrambled forward and snaked a hand out to grab after Hux as he turned to walk away. “W-wait! Where are you going?”

Hux looked down at him in contempt. “Upstairs.”

Kylo didn’t understand what he was feeling, but he didn’t want Hux to go, didn’t want him to look at him like that anymore, like he was dirt under his shoes. “_Please_, I’m sorry, I’m- Don’t-”

His throat closed up, and Hux pulled his leg out of Kylo’s grasp. He stood there like he was waiting for something.

Kylo looked at him desperately. “Please don’t go. Don’t leave me down here. I’ve- I’ve been alone all day.”

Something crossed Hux’s face at that. Kylo wasn’t sure, but it could have been approval. But then the cold mask fell over his eyes again and he turned away.

“I’ll come back when I’m good and ready.” Hux said as he walked back up the stairs.

Kylo sat back, shivering and cold. Hux hadn’t given him any clothes. He cracked the water bottle open and drank about half of it. He unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. He was starving, but even so, he couldn’t bring himself to eat it. It somehow didn’t feel right, eating without Hux there. He’d wanted nothing more than privacy, for Hux to leave him alone, and now he had it. Kylo shakily pressed his hands against his eyes and pressed down. He felt like throwing up, like screaming. He was alone and didn’t want to be. Like it or not, Hux was the only one he had, and he felt abandoned now. What was wrong with him?

The next day, Hux came down, let Kylo use the bathroom, gave him clothes and food, and then left again. Barely said anything. Kylo waited all day, but that evening was the same. Food, water, nothing else. Hux left Kylo down there for the night. Kylo curled in on himself and shivered, struggling to sleep. He felt so lonely. He couldn’t stop listening to the silence of the house around him. He wished he was back in the bed upstairs. He kind of wished he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and kudoing! (that's a verb, right?) Kylo's worldview is really starting to shift... We're going to get a little bit of escalation here soon. Thanks for staying on, everyone.


	14. Chapter 14

The next four days were the same. Hux ignored him mainly, leaving him in the cage all day and only appearing to give him food and bathroom breaks. Eventually, Kylo grew bold in his desperation and boredom. He begged Hux to stay, pleaded even as he hated himself. He apologized, said whatever he could think that Hux wanted to hear, but nothing made a dent.

Finally, after days of long stretches of boredom and nothing, Hux came down and let him out of the cage. His face was impassive. “House needs to be cleaned.”

Kylo nodded, heart leaping a little. Hux was at least looking at him again. “Okay.”

He waited in resignation for the restraints to come out, but that didn’t happen. Hux simply beckoned him up the stairs, and Kylo followed.

Hux turned to him once they reached the kitchen. “Dishes need to be put away, kitchen floor cleaned, living room vacuumed, everything in the front hall dusted. While you’re at it, get to the second floor as well. The tub needs to be wiped off. Got it?”

Kylo tried to remember everything that had just been thrown at him. He blinked and nodded quickly. He was eager to please, now that Hux was finally asking something of him. He could be useful. He’d show it. “Yeah. Yes. I can do that.”

Hux looked at him, still cold. “Alright. Hop to it.” He said, and left the room. Kylo heard him go up to the second floor, presumably into the office.

Kylo hopped to it. He got to work, putting the dishes away carefully, making sure everything was lined up perfectly. He went over the carpet in the living room twice, making sure he didn’t miss a spot. He desperately wanted Hux to be proud of his efforts. Maybe he’d let him eat dinner with him tonight.

Kylo made it to dusting off the items in the hall. He walked over to the front table, and every other thought was blown immediately from his mind.

Sitting right there on the table was Hux’s cell phone. Kylo’s heart stopped.

He stood there, completely frozen, for what felt like several minutes, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. He listened, carefully. Hux must still be up in the office, working. He couldn’t see Kylo in this moment.

Kylo’s thoughts whirled in all directions. Had Hux left his phone sitting on the table? There was no way he would have forgotten something so blatant, not when he let Kylo roam around the house. He left it there on purpose. Did it matter? This was the chance he was waiting for. Kylo’s heart beat in his throat. All he had to do was pick up the phone and dial 911. The simple thought of picking up the phone, a link to the outside world and talking with another person seemed so out of the realm of possibility that Kylo could hardly imagine it. What would he even tell them? _What the hell are you talking about?_ His small, blustering voice screamed deep inside him. This voice sounded a little bit like Rey. _Tell them you’ve been kidnapped and held prisoner for months, that you’ve been beaten and abused and that you want to go home! You’re being brainwashed! The fact that you’re not picking up that phone right this fucking second just proves how much Hux’s gotten into your head! Pick up that phone and dial 911! Now!_

Kylo’s hand lifted up and hovered over the phone. Panic thundered behind his eyes. What if he got caught? What if Hux came down the stairs when he was on the phone? He’d be furious. He’d be more than furious. Kylo didn’t even want to consider what he’d do to him.

He was so close to getting back into Hux’s good graces. He just needed to finish cleaning the house. That was so much easier than picking up the phone. The Rey voice crowed back. _Oh, so you’re fine with being his fucking lapdog forever then! Just let him humiliate you, let him force you to do all this demeaning work for him, and you’ll have a fucking smile on your face when you’re done! Yes sir, no sir, I’ll do anything you fucking say! How can you be that pathetic?_

Kylo lowered his hand. Easy. Just dial three numbers. Just tell them your name, where you are, tell them to come get you. Just do it. He bit his lip so hard he was bleeding, although he didn’t notice this in the moment. He lowered his hand so he could almost touch it. His heart was pounding.

He was a bare inch away from picking up the phone when he heard Hux cough upstairs, and then footsteps. Kylo whipped his hand away from the phone like it was burned and went to the other end of the hallway, furiously focusing on dusting a bookshelf. He dusted it until it was immaculate, waiting for Hux to come into the room. He didn’t. He was still upstairs. He could still take the phone, could still make a call.

Kylo turned around and stared at the phone from across the room, his hands twisting nervously around the duster. Pick up the phone. Ask for help. That’s all he had to do, and the nightmare would be over. He took one tentative step towards the phone and felt the phantom pain of being belted track across his thighs. He flinched, stopped. Everything Hux had done to him was rising up in his head all at once. Disobey, and he’d be punished. It was as simple as that. That had become Kylo’s reality over the past few months. He’d never once gained anything by fighting back, or rebelling. Not once. In fact, Hux treated escape attempts as the worst sin of all. Being locked in that box, deprived of all his senses was far and above the worst thing Hux had put him through. He’d been away from Hux’s good graces for long enough to miss it. He couldn’t risk something like that for something like this. What if the phone was locked? What if Hux heard him talking and took the phone away before he could call? What if they didn’t believe him? What if they actually did send somebody, but Hux talked his way out of it? He couldn’t do it.

It was like being reminded of Hux’s presence had broken his will. Kylo averted his eyes from the phone and continued on his way through the hallway before working his way upstairs. When he was halfway up, he looked back down at the front hall, but knew it was too late. Hux must have heard him mount the stairs and would wonder why he was going back down.

Kylo took as long as he possibly could to make it down to Hux’s office. He cursed himself for not picking up the phone. Almost as soon as he got onto the stairs he regretted it. It would have been so easy. The fact that Hux was still in the office, hadn’t even come out to check on him proved that he could have. When the hell was he going to get another chance like this? Maybe never.

He walked into Hux’s office, eyes pointed firmly at the walls and floor. Hux wasn’t paying him any attention at the moment, typing out what sounded like some urgent message. Kylo dusted the shelves and table and then stood there awkwardly, not sure what he was supposed to do now. He waited for Hux to order him back down to the basement for another week of solitude. His heart pounded in his ears.

Hux finished whatever he was doing and closed the laptop. He stood up and walked through the other upstairs rooms. Kylo followed him, nervous, hoping his efforts would be acceptable.

Hux gave him a nod and said it was about time they started on dinner. Kylo felt such inexpressible relief that he almost forgot about the phone entirely until he trailed Hux back down the stairs. Hux picked the phone up as they walked past. Kylo’s stomach sank.

“Almost forgot I had this down here. Glad I didn’t miss any calls.” Hux said, unlocking the phone and scrolling through the call log.

Kylo’s throat went dry, and his fingers clenched tight around the banister until they turned white. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he hadn’t even _touched_ it, but the confirmation that it had indeed been a test sent so many conflicting feelings across his mind. It was probably locked or disabled in some way, and he wouldn’t have been able to place a call even if he’d tried. All he would have done is gotten himself in trouble. But what really bothered Kylo was that he hadn’t even _tried_. He’d seen that escape hatch and didn’t even try and open it. He felt relieved and sick and miserable all at once. He hated himself for not being bold, even though he would have damned himself.

Hux slipped the phone into his pocket and studied Kylo for a moment, his face carefully blank. It was as if he knew exactly what Kylo was thinking, every impulse and thought that went across his mind. He always knew, he was always one step ahead, there was never any winning against Hux. Kylo felt clear-headed for just one moment. That internal voice was back, but it wasn’t angry or desperate this time. As he looked into Hux’s watchful, appraising eyes, Kylo’s internal voice just sounded wary. _You are in so much trouble. I don’t think you even know how much_. Kylo didn’t say anything, and the two men looked at each other, for just this one moment on the same page.

The moment was over as Hux smiled and beckoned him back to the kitchen. Kylo pushed that moment of clarity back. It hadn’t helped him. He knew he was in trouble, he knew that Hux was succeeding in training him to be obedient and submissive and compliant. But knowing it didn’t do one lick of good. He’d rather not think about it.

Instead, he let himself bask in the simple pleasure of being let back into Hux’s good graces. He followed every instruction without question, and the food tasted better than anything he’d eaten in the past week. When Kylo was done cleaning up the kitchen, they went back to the living room and Hux let him read again. Hux’s heavy hand pet his hair, and Kylo lidded his eyes and forgot to read.

He didn’t even complain when Hux put that soft gag over his mouth again that night. He tied his wrists and ankles and bound him to the bed tightly as before. He just let it happen, happy enough to be back in a bed instead of in a small cage alone in the cold basement. He’d take this, ignoring the worried grumbling voice at the back of his head.

Three days later, after breakfast, Kylo stood at the sink doing the dishes. He ran a hand over his tired eyes and sighed. He hadn’t been getting very much sleep the past couple days. The restraints were restrictive and uncomfortable. Every time he started to doze off, he’d try to roll over and be jerked back into place or be strangled by the collar around his neck. Of course, when he finally did manage to get to sleep, he would be awoken by horrible, half-remembered dreams where Hux held him down and took him apart, that there wasn’t a thing Kylo could do to stop him. Crying didn’t stop him, screaming, pleading, fighting. He was dependent on Hux for everything, everything. He was starting to invade the last private part of Kylo’s life, his dreams.

When Hux left for the day, Kylo sat in the cage with his knees drawn up to his chest. Over the past few days, he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about the phone. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t taken the chance to escape when he’d gotten it. The fact that it had been a test didn’t factor into it one bit. He’d had the opportunity and he didn’t take it. Is this what it was going to be like when a real chance came? Would he even be able to go for it?

The thought of going back upstairs with Hux to cook for him and anticipate his every desire was absolutely exhausting. He felt like he should cry, but also felt like he’d used up all his energy. All he could do now was wait. Kylo lay down as best he could and drifted.

* * *

When Hux got home, he found Kylo curled up in the cage with his back to him. He didn’t move when Hux came down the stairs. Hux unlocked the door and pulled it open. Kylo didn’t seem like he even noticed he was there.

Hux frowned. “Kylo…”

Kylo hunched his shoulders a little bit, but otherwise didn’t respond. He’d been acting differently the last couple days, ever since Hux had left the phone out to test him. He barely talked, barely moved if Hux didn’t direct him, barely ate. He had this thousand-yard stare on his face that only sort of went away when Hux spoke to him.

Hux hunkered down and reached a hand in to gently touch Kylo’s ankle. Kylo shivered. “Hey, are you feeling sick?”

Kylo was hugging himself tightly like he was cold. He still didn’t speak.

“Kylo, look at me.” Hux asked, making sure to keep his voice gentle. He’d been making an effort to be nicer the past few days. He wanted it to be a subtle kind of reward for not taking his chance to escape.

Kylo slowly turned around to meet Hux. There were dark circles under his eyes. “I… I can’t…” He whispered softly.

“You can’t what?” Hux asked.

Kylo shook his head as if he couldn’t find the right words. “I _can’t_.” He repeated insistently. His expression was flat, exhausted, hopeless. He looked like he was going to fall off the face of the earth.

Hux reached out toward him. Kylo inched back in fear, clearly expecting some kind of punishment. Hux gently pulled on Kylo’s wrists to get him out of the cage. “Okay, I understand. Come on. Can you get up for me?”

Hux slowly and carefully leveraged Kylo to his feet. Kylo clung to him, all his weight resting on Hux. “Hux… _Hux, please_…” He pleaded.

Hux didn’t respond. He supported Kylo in his arms, murmuring quietly to him just to get him up the stairs. Kylo was boneless, and Hux basically carried him up the stairs. Hux maneuvered him into the living room and deposited him on the couch. Kylo rolled over and curled up again, head in his arms.

Hux hunkered down and ran one hand down Kylo’s spine, drawing out a full-body shudder. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Kylo let out an unsteady breath. “I’m s-sorry, I don’t-”

He cut off abruptly. Hux started to knead his shoulders. Kylo tensed even more, but after no pain came, he started to unwind just a little bit. “Kylo, it’s okay… I’m not angry. Remember what I said before about knowing when you can’t do something and when you won’t? I can tell you’re going through something. Talk to me.” Hux said soothingly.

There was a brief pause while Kylo considered those words, and then he shuddered again, losing some of the tension in his body. Hux dug in even more, trying to get at the knots in his muscles.

“Hux…” Kylo began timidly, and Hux couldn’t help but leaning in. Kylo rarely said his name, and he loved it every time. “I… I know you want some dinner, and… I know you want me to do… but… I _can’t_. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m just… really tired.”

“That’s okay.” Hux said, continuing to knead Kylo’s shoulders.

Kylo shimmied around so he was facing Hux. His expression was guarded but fragile, one push away from breaking. “You’re not angry?”

“No.” Hux said, taking Kylo’s hand and making a comforting circle on his palm with his thumb.

“Really? You’re not… not going to hurt me?” Kylo asked in a small, hopeful voice. He was hunched, cautious like prey. The shadows under his eyes pooled.

“No. I know when you’re telling the truth. You’ve really impressed me the past few days, you’ve been very attentive. I can tell you need a bit of a breather; is that fair?” Hux said.

Kylo blinked rapidly like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All of a sudden, his face twisted and he leaned forward to press his face into Hux’s chest. His hands came up to grasp at his lapels. Hoarse sounds that were almost crying emerged muffled from Hux’s shirt.

Hux paused in surprise. This had been much more of a reaction than he’d been expecting, but he welcomed it with open arms. He pulled Kylo closer and made soothing noises. Kylo clung to him, desperate and lost, on the verge of tears. On the verge of breaking.

Hux took advantage of the situation, leaning in and breathing in Kylo’s scent, fear and hopelessness and pure exhaustion. Hux felt a fierce possessiveness rise up in him, the same a hunter feels towards the rabbit he’s caught in his snare. Hux loved him, he really did. Or maybe he just loved what he was turning Kylo into. Not that there was much of a difference anymore.

Hux realized after a time that Kylo was speaking to himself, babbling a string of words so low it was hard to understand. Hux strained to hear.

“_Sorry I’m sorry sorry why didn’t I take that phone?_” Kylo moaned miserably to himself, in his distress forgetting that Hux could hear him.

Hux simply smiled and stroked his back.

He waited out Kylo’s breakdown and then took him upstairs to the master bathroom. He bid him to take off his clothes and get in the bath. Kylo did with short, clumsy movements, a little unsteady on his feet.

Hux sat at the head of the bath and slowly started to wash Kylo’s hair. Almost immediately, when he held the sides of Kylo’s head and bent it back, Kylo’s eyes fluttered shut and he began to really relax. Hux began to massage his scalp, loving the feeling of Kylo’s hair running through his fingers. He’d done his job right, and Kylo now associated Hux playing with his hair to mean that he was, for this one moment, safe.

If he had been looking at him, Hux was sure he would see those wonderful, wide eyes, pupils blown out, focusing on his every move. That was his favorite, but this would do for now. There was plenty of time for that later. Throughout all of this, Kylo hadn’t said a word.

Hux knew this was important. He wanted to reward Kylo for passing his test, making him feel good about not taking his chance to escape. It would only help the conditioning set in a little more. Escape attempts would be met with immediate, severe pain. Blind obedience would get him the rarity of Hux’s soothing kindness.

Hux didn’t feel the need to say anything, just let Kylo sink further and further under until he actually fell asleep still in the bath, mouth hanging open and eyelids fluttering in sleep.

The next morning, before leaving him for the day, Hux asked him a question. “What do you want for dinner?”

Kylo turned from where he was drying the dishes. He stared at Hux for a long moment, trying to divine the purpose of the question. “What?”

“For dinner. Some kind of takeout. What would you like? I thought you deserved a reward.” Hux said.

Kylo looked at him blankly. A reward for him was staying on Hux’s good side, not being actively harmed. Anything else was suspect, too open to possible pitfalls, opportunities for him to fuck up. “Um…” He stalled, trying to think of the right answer. “I guess… fried chicken? Is that okay?”

Hux had to restrain himself from kissing Kylo on the forehead. “That would be just fine.”

True to his word, that evening, he brought takeout for them to eat instead of having Kylo cook something. He brought fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. The complicated mix of emotions across Kylo’s face when he saw this display was worth more than anything. None the least was the relief, the gratitude.

Kylo didn’t say much, but Hux could tell he was close. Closer than ever. All he really needed was one little push. Hux finally thought he was ready to give it to him.


	15. Chapter 15

It was a few days later that the trouble really started. They had been following their regular routine and were sitting in the living room after dinner. Kylo was reading his book on the floor with rapt attention while Hux dozed on the couch. He had seemed tired and lethargic since getting home, and Kylo wasn’t opposed to it at all. It just meant that Hux was more lenient with him, less eagle-eye focused on his mistakes, which meant he got to relax, just a little bit.

After a while, Hux snorted himself awake from a doze and ran his hands over his face. “I need a drink, or I’m going to fall asleep right in this chair.” He muttered to himself. He ambled over to the cabinet in the corner and started fixing himself a drink: scotch on the rocks. Kylo was hardly paying attention, too focused on his book.

Hux came back and sat down. There was a brief pause as he sipped his drink. He brought a foot down on Kylo’s book and pushed it out of his hands. The message was clear. Kylo’s shoulders hunched and he looked up at Hux.

Hux looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He patted the seat next to him on the couch. “C’mere.” He said.

Kylo blinked in confusion. The rules thus far had been crystal clear. He was not allowed to sit on the chairs or couch in here. Hux always had him on the floor within easy reach. “Uh… But I’m… not supposed to…” He stalled.

Hux frowned. “You’re _supposed_ to do whatever I say. Now get up here before I lose my temper.”

A thrill of fear went down Kylo’s spine, and he climbed up onto the couch right away, perching next to Hux. Hux held two drinks in his hands. One of them he held out to Kylo. Kylo took it uncertainly.

Hux clinked their glasses together and gave him a nod like this was an informal toast before taking a hearty swig from his drink. “Enjoy.”

Kylo dragged his eyes away from Hux and down to the drink held in his hands. It was scotch on the rocks, and quite a lot of it. Hux hadn’t allowed him a drink this entire time, and he suddenly realized how much he had truly missed it. Anything to get out of his head.

He took a swig, grimacing as the familiar burn went down his throat and settled in his stomach. Hux was smiling as he watched him.

“Used to the taste, huh?” He said, lounging casually with one ankle over his knee.

Kylo laughed self-consciously and shrugged, taking another sip. The slick taste of the scotch was exquisite. It was good stuff.

Hux was looking into the depths of his drink. There was a lock of hair falling across his brow. He didn’t say anything and Kylo relished the silence. He watched his captor and was struck yet again by how handsome Hux really was, how assured. His features were strong, his limbs corded yet tapered. Kylo tried to push the thought to the back of his mind again, but he wasn’t as successful this time. Blame it on the strange mood in the room. Blame it on how nice Hux had been lately.

Kylo finished his drink almost before he noticed, and Hux refilled both of their drinks without saying anything. Almost immediately, Kylo felt the whiskey going to his head. He hadn’t had a drop of liquor in months, and he was almost back to being a lightweight. He had lost quite a bit of weight and he never had much of an appetite these days. The warmth of the whiskey fired up his insides and started fuzzing his head pleasantly. For the first time in a long time, some of the ever-present feelings of fear receded into the background. He relaxed just a tiny bit.

They sat in what could almost be called a comfortable silence through another drink.

“This? Good. Thank you,” Kylo said slowly, not realizing until he opened his mouth that he was going to be slurring his words.

Hux looked at him with a small smile on his face, one he couldn’t read. “You earned it.”

Kylo blinked slowly, ponderously. “I did?”

“You’ve been so good lately. I’m really pleased. You haven’t tried to run since that first time, not once. You’re really starting to settle in.” Hux said, taking a small sip.

Hux’s words sent confusion sliding around in Kylo’s head. That couldn’t be right. Was that right? He cast his thoughts back and realized how little progress he’d made towards escaping. He hadn’t made a single workable plan this entire time. If he had been sober, the thought might have had more purchase, might have led somewhere more productive. As it was, Kylo pushed that away like the rest of his troubling thoughts. His inner ear seemed to be telling him that he was swaying back and forth on a very large ship, and he was more interested in concentrating on that.

Hux didn’t seem concerned by Kylo’s lack of response. He stretched his hands above his head and groaned, settling in even more to the couch. Kylo looked over at Hux’s arm resting near him. He marveled at all the tiny hairs that marched up and down his arm. His muscles were unpretentious and waiting just under the skin. Kylo knew how strong he could be, but right now in repose, he seemed so casual. Kylo found himself fascinated with a series of three moles set in a circle near his wrist. He stared at the spot where they almost converged and found himself wanting to touch it. He was horrified to realize that he was actually lifting a hand before he got a hold of himself and stopped.

It was right around the time where Kylo started realizing that he might be seriously tipsy off of two drinks when he started focusing seriously on Hux’s face. Hux was, as he had already noticed before, a very handsome man. Strong jaw, light features, confidence. No matter how much he hated him for subjugating him and humiliating him and keeping him, he couldn’t help but notice how very good he looked with a drink held loosely in his hand, his shirt rolled up to the cuffs and one button too many unbuttoned.

Kylo stared at him for a long, long time. Hux had his eyes closed. If he had moved at all or made any sort of indication that he was aware of Kylo’s concentration, he would have lost his nerve. Hux’s cheeks were just slightly flushed from the drink.

Kylo felt fuzzy and relaxed for the first time that he could remember. Things had been good for a week now, or at least as good as they could get when he was here. _What are you talking about, Kylo?_ The small, practical voice that sounded like Rey cautioned from deep down. For the first time, it sounded scared. _Things haven’t been good. Nothing is good here, you’re just submitting to his rule. Wake the fuck up, because I think you’re forgetting why you’re here. He WANTS you like this, and you can’t let him have it_.

He recognized the wisdom of what the little voice was saying, but he didn’t want to hear it right now. He pushed it way deep down where he didn’t have to listen to it. He was just going to stay right here where he was tipsy and Hux was quiet for a while longer. The moments where he'd felt truly comfortable in Hux's care were few and far between. He wasn't fool enough to squander them when they came.

He felt drunk on the novelty of looking at Hux without being observed. It was always the other way around. This was… unexpected.

Hux’s eyelashes rested gently on his cheeks. He sighed softly. Kylo planted a hand on the couch and got up on his knees, leaning closer to Hux. Hux breathed in but still didn’t move. Kylo’s head was fuzzy and indistinct. He thought there was some small voice in his head screaming at him to stop, but he didn’t listen to it. He felt like a scavenger sneaking up on a predator in their sleep, trying to steal some small token.

Before he could listen to his better sense, Kylo leaned all the way in and pressed his lips against Hux’s.

They were slightly chapped, thin, dry. Kylo was seized with a sudden irrational thought: he wanted to bite them, to get them wet. Hux sucked in a breath but didn’t open his eyes. One last clear thought entered Kylo’s mind: what did he think he was doing?

He forgot it when Hux’s arms came around to pull him closer. Kylo gasped and found himself slotted in between Hux’s legs. His eyes had slid shut and he moved in closer. Hux parted his lips and Kylo took the advantage, kissing him again, this time deeper. Hux’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders, and he kissed back, a growl coming out of the bottom of his throat. Kylo felt it rocket up and down his spine.

Kylo shifted up some, his knees digging into Hux’s thighs. He ran his hands through Hux’s hair. It was thick and layered. There was something so fascinating about touching it. It was exhilarating, it was _incredible_ feeling like this, like he was in control, like he was doing something of his own volition instead of being forced into it.

He came up for air once, feeling dizzy, feeling drunk.

All in a moment, the balance shifted. Hux’s hand had crept up the back of Kylo’s shirt, and his fingers were gripping his ribs. Hux took the initiative in the kiss, opening Kylo’s mouth wider, his tongue darting in exploratorily. Kylo’s head spun like he’d been flung through the air. They broke away, coming up for air.

Kylo was breathing heavily, and he opened his eyes to see Hux looking right at him with his dangerous, dark eyes. In a second, Kylo came to his senses. His eyes widened in horror and he scrambled back away from Hux, his hands coming up to his mouth. The small of his back hit the armrest on the other end of the couch.

“Oh god, oh _fuck_,” Kylo gasped, eyes wide. His pleasant buzz from before seemed to have departed in a second.

Hux propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Kylo, his eyes half-lidded. He still seemed perfectly at ease, a pleased smile on his face.

Blood rushed through Kylo’s ears. He realized he was hyperventilating. With every breath he took in, he could feel the steady pressure from the collar around his neck. What had he been _thinking_? How could he have forgotten, even for a second, that he belonged to Hux, that he had any sort of choice here that wasn’t a kind of trap. That was stupid, so stupid. He tried to tamp down the panic, but it was hard.

He shook his head, hands now gripping white-knuckled the armrest behind him. The ring on the front of his collar made a soft sound when it hit the leather. He felt like he might start crying. “I didn’t- I didn’t meant to do that. I wouldn’t- I didn’t want-” He stumbled through his sentence, chest heaving.

“But you did do it. I didn’t know you wanted me.” Hux smiled, a gleam in his eyes saying differently, that of course he knew, he engineered it.

Kylo started shaking. His stomach was twisted into knots. His hand came up reflexively to try and tear off the collar he hated so much. “I don’t.”

Hux laughed, and the sound was like a dagger through Kylo’s kidneys. “Oh? Then why did you kiss me?”

Kylo’s short breaths threatened to turn into ragged, unsteady things. “I – I don’t know- I was confused- I- I- Everything was warm- and you were sitting there- and I wanted- I- I…”

He trailed off, knees pulled up, ready to spring away in a moment. Hux sat up and reached a hand over. Kylo flinched away. “It’s okay, Kylo. I’m not angry. I’m glad this happened.”

Kylo’s stomach nearly dropped into the basement. Of _course_ he was. Kylo had spent this whole time trying to keep the only piece of ground he had left in this fight. Hux had promised he wouldn’t force him, and he hadn’t, he had just waited for Kylo to be so confused and tired and desperate for any kind of affection that he would reach out himself. And now that Kylo had broken the ice, he would want more, and more, and more, and Kylo wouldn’t be able to refuse him. Kylo had just given away the only power he had left. Panicked fear raced down his back.

He scrambled for words, articulating this very basic fact seemed incredibly important right now. “I… don’t want. To kiss you. Or…” He couldn’t even finish that sentence.

Hux moved closer, and Kylo scrambled to his feet, backing away. Hux stood up. “Then why did you?” He still didn’t seem angry. He was maddeningly neutral, which seemed even worse.

“You know why!” Kylo spat. “You’re- you’re scaring me. Stay away from me.”

Hux tipped his head as if in honest puzzlement. “Did I force you to do it?”

Kylo stepped back once. “No,” He ground out. “But that’s not-”

Hux interrupted him. “Did I hold you down and kiss you against your will?”

“No, but-”

Hux stepped forward again, slow, languorous. “Then I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up about this. You kissed me. That’s all there is to it.”

Kylo backed up for every step Hux took forward until his back hit the wall. He startled, his breath hitched twice, and he couldn’t stop himself from bursting into tears. “L- leave me alone, don’t come any closer, j-j-just leave me alone. _Please_.”

Hux stepped right in front of him. His chest was so close Kylo was forced to straighten up and look up near his shoulder. “Kylo, you need to calm down.”

Kylo just kept sobbing, wanting to melt into the wall behind him and disappear.

Hux reached out and grabbed one of his wrists, his strong grip encircling it while one thumb stroked his palm. Kylo just let his hand hang there.

“I want you to just breathe for me, can you do that? I’m not angry with you right now. You know I only have to hurt you when you don’t listen to me. It’s okay to be confused. I can understand that. All you need to do right now is listen to my voice and breathe. Alright?”

Kylo knew that Hux would never stop taking and taking and taking, whatever he could pry out of Kylo’s fingers. He knew that he had just crossed a very dangerous line he couldn’t now come back from. He knew this changed things, he knew he was in trouble. Right in this moment, all he could do was try and get his thoughts back in a recognizable order. He let himself listen to Hux, to focus on his soothing circle on his palm.

After a while of listening to Hux’s soothing voice, Kylo did get himself under control enough to stop crying. Hux nodded like this was expected and he was pleased. “_Good. Good boy_,” He muttered lowly. Kylo shivered and gasped. He hated this. He hated how much of an effect Hux had on him. He hated that Hux could calm him down like this with nothing more than a bit of touch and the smallest amount of praise.

He didn’t feel able to speak, and luckily Hux didn’t expect him to. He smoothed his hair away from his clammy forehead and placed a single kiss on his forehead, which almost made Kylo start in again. Hux leaned over and picked Kylo up bridal style. It was remarkably easy. Kylo didn’t know if this was because Hux was particularly strong or if he’d just lost weight. He was swung into the air, and he was just too tired to fight it. He wrapped his arms around Hux’s neck and nuzzled his face into the space between his shoulders and neck and closed his eyes.

Hux carried him upstairs to the bedroom and set him down on the bed. He only disappeared for a moment before turning off the light and crawling into bed behind Kylo. He didn’t tie him down tonight, his arms enough of a deterrent to move. Hux pulled him in close, back to chest, lodging his chin firmly on his shoulder, his legs tangling in his and keeping them trapped.

Kylo shivered but didn’t open his eyes. He felt caught, trapped, but weirdly, despite all that, being held by Hux felt safe. He was wrapped tight in a cocoon, and it didn’t do anything to fight it, so he might as well just settle in.

Right before he fell asleep, he heard Hux’s low voice behind him. “I love you so much, Kylo. I love you so much.”

* * *

The next morning, Kylo awoke the most comfortable he’d been in a long time. He was curled into a ball, and as he slowly floated back to consciousness, he realized why. He wasn’t tied to the bed. This was such a novel sensation that he had to take a few moments to process this. His head pounded, probably less from the whiskey and more from the knowledge of what had happened last night.

His eyes flew open. He’d kissed Hux. There was no taking it back or flinching away from it. In the morning light, he had no choice but to accept the horrible truth. Despite everything that he’d been through, despite the months of, okay, he was lucid enough to call it torture, he’d become so addled that he caved and kissed Hux.

This could only go one of two ways coming up. Either Hux would take what he wanted, or Kylo would cave even more and give it to him. The very fact that he wasn’t tied up right now was a bad sign, despite how nice it felt. He knew how Hux operated by now. Disobey, and he’d be punished. Behave, and Hux became almost sweet. Hux was pleased, and thus he’d been allowed to have the best night’s sleep he’d had since he got here.

Kylo rolled over a little. Hux was facedown in the pillows, hair mussed up, utterly asleep. Kylo waited with held breath for Hux to spring awake, hold him down, take him apart like he had in a hundred nightmares.

Hux didn't move. He was snoring softly, and that sold it for Kylo. Hux could be very vain. If he was snoring, he was really asleep.

Kylo sat up slowly. Hux didn’t move. Rey’s voice came back now, ringing strong in his head. This time, he listened to it. _You need to move now. Now, while you still have your wits about you. His guard is down, you have freedom of movement. This is the best chance you will ever get. If you don’t try to escape now, it’s time to admit you never will. Now or never_.

Kylo thought about the haze of terror he’d been living under the past few months and shivered, imagining that going on forever. No. He needed to get the fuck out of here.

Heart pounding almost immediately, Kylo very slowly began to ease his way off the bed. He stared right at Hux, waiting for the slightest bit of awareness to come back into his face. The second it did, he would get back on the bed. He put one foot on the ground, then the other. No movement.

When his feet were on the ground, he eased the rest of his body off and stood up, his hands still resting on the comforter, huge eyes trained on Hux. He was so nervous he could taste copper on the back of his tongue. Taking his hands off the bed seemed to be giving up the last shred of reasonable doubt if Hux woke up. He was really doing this.

With an effort that felt nearly monumental, Kylo let go of the bed and started slinking across the bedroom to the door. The animal that rested under his skin came screaming to the forefront. _What are you doing?! Are you fucking crazy? He’s going to wake up, and he’s going to be SO angry. Do as you’re told. Get back into bed now. He’s going to hurt you, don’t do this, please don’t do this._

Kylo’s breath started wheezing in and out like he was running a marathon. Sweat had broken across his brow. The worst part was he wanted to give up. The voice was right. It _would_ be easier to give up, to just lay back down and accept his lot. He couldn’t do that, though. He still yearned for freedom after all this time.

As carefully as humanly possible, Kylo eased the bedroom door open and slipped out into the hall. Once he was out of eyeshot of Hux, a small part of the panicked hold he had over his mind receded a bit, just enough so that he could think. What was he going to do? He didn’t actually have a solid plan.

Just walk out the front door and bolt? No, he’d tried that before. He had no idea where he was, or if there were people nearby, and besides, if he’d woken up, Hux would be waking up before too long. He didn’t want to be opening the front door and hearing Hux lumbering down the stairs. He thought next of the car outside and the keys in Hux’s office.

With a sense of unreality washing over him, Kylo slipped next door to Hux’s office. It seemed spare and empty without Hux’s ample presence filling it. Kylo snuck across the carpet, feeling ridiculous and small, like a teenager trying to sneak back into the house after curfew. Guilt sat at the base of his skull, no matter how much he tried to push it away. No matter how rationally he told himself that this was survival, that didn’t stop all of Hux’s conditioning from telling him that he shouldn’t be doing this.

Kylo opened the desk drawer and peeked inside. There was a small ring of keys resting among other office detritus. He stared at it with something approaching awe. He recognized the key to his cage in the basement and to the collar around his neck, but not to any car keys. He stared at it stupidly for a moment. Now what? He couldn’t take any of these keys without Hux noticing. He used them every day.

It took what felt like a long time for logic to rear its head again. There was a single key at the bottom of the drawer that felt like a spare. It was thin and silver and seemed to look identical to the key Kylo had seen open his cage door. His heart leapt into his throat. Could he take this one? Before he could think about it, Kylo pocketed the spare key, closed the drawer, and went back into the bedroom. Gingerly, he crawled back into bed and settled in with his back to Hux.

He spent a few moments obsessing over where to keep the key. He held it clenched in one sweaty fist, marveling at his own daring. He couldn’t hold it, couldn’t tuck it under one arm, couldn’t put it in his mouth. Finally, he tucked it into his pocket, just hoping that Hux wouldn’t make him change clothes. He would just need to cross that bridge when he got to it. He put it in his right pocket, the farthest one from Hux.

Having taken this huge risk, Kylo lay on his side staring at the far wall, forcing his breathing back under control. He needed to seem absolutely calm when Hux woke up. He could not afford to make Hux suspicious. He would just need to wait until Hux left for work, and then he’d have the entire day to run or make a better plan to escape.

Hux grumbled and rolled over, slowly coming back to consciousness. His arm wrapped around Kylo’s waist, and Kylo felt bile rise in his throat. He forced himself to remain completely still. He prayed that Hux would assume his stiffness came from awkwardness from the kiss last night, and not something worse. Hux pressed a kiss to the divot between his neck and shoulder. Kylo’s fingernails dug into his palms.

“Morning,” Hux said lazily, his voice sounding relaxed and pleased.

Kylo made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat that he hoped would be an acceptable greeting. It was about all he could muster up right now. He was beset with doubts now, terrified that Hux would reach around and feel the key in his pocket. Couldn’t he have put it in a more safe place?

Hux drew up behind him, his body heat rushing in on Kylo. “I wish I could stay home today. Nothing sounds better right now than a lazy morning in bed, but there’s just too much work to do.”

Kylo nodded slowly. He was still faced away from Hux, and he thought that was the only thing keeping him from completely giving up the game. He was sure his guilt was blazing on his face, that Hux would be able to see it the second he turned around.

“Kylo,” Hux purred, pleased with just a hint of command in his voice.

Kylo couldn’t avoid it. He turned to face Hux, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible.

Hux looked down at him with an expression that was alien to him. After a moment, he realized what it was. Hux was looking at him like a man in love. He had a soft smile on his face, and all his features were blurred with happiness. Hux was languid and on top of the world. “I had a nice night last night.” He smiled.

Kylo froze looking at this. Despite himself, he almost felt sorry for Hux. He was this happy now, just imagine how he would feel in a few hours when he found out that Kylo had betrayed and abandoned him. His stomach tied itself up in knots. “I…” He started, his mouth hanging open. He had no idea how to finish the sentence.

Hux brushed a stray hair away from his forehead, and Kylo didn’t even flinch. It was nice. “It’s okay if you don’t know what to say. It was confusing, I understand. You’re going to need some time to adjust to that, and I’m willing to give it to you.”

Kylo blinked in surprise. “It’s just, it scares me. All this.” He found himself admitting with perfect honesty.

Hux nodded, not a hint of anger or warning in his face. “I know. I really care about you, you know that?”

Kylo nodded. “Yeah, I do.” And the weird thing was, he did. Despite everything, despite all the cruelty in him, Hux did seem to care about him. He was forced to extremes sometimes when Kylo didn’t listen, but in these quieter moments, Kylo could see a softer man in him, one that did care. This was the very reason why he knew he had to leave. He was lulled by these softer moments, which made it harder and harder for him to go. He knew his mind was warped enough already.

Hux looked at Kylo lovingly for another long moment before kissing him on the forehead and getting up. “Get dressed. We can only have a quick breakfast before I go, but I think we have a lot to talk about tonight.”

He went into the bathroom, and Kylo couldn’t believe his luck. He was able to choose clothes and change into them, free to move the key he’d stolen into his pocket. Listening to Hux hum to himself in the bathroom, he stopped for a moment. It was unfair, it was horribly unfair, but he felt a wave of guilt rising up in him. Could he really do this to Hux? Things were going so nicely, they could keep on like this if he didn’t rock the boat. He considered seriously just putting the key back.

Kylo actually turned to the door with the thought of putting the key back when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face didn’t seem to have gotten the memo that things were going so great. He was pale, his cheeks hollow, he had bags under his eyes. He looked harried, hunted, like a wild animal. His body had no illusions about the situation he was in even if his mind had decided to forget. A glance down at the collar on his neck, nice and tight, dissuaded him. Hux might say he loved him, he might treat him nice sometimes and brush his hair back, but he still had a collar around his neck. He was still afraid all the time.

True to his word, they had a short breakfast where Hux hustled him down to the basement almost right away. He seemed distracted again, eager to get out of the house and back to whatever situation was brewing at work. Kylo just sat through it all, the key burning a hole in his pocket the whole time, just trying to act normal enough to pass.

Before Hux put him back in the cage, he gave him another loving look and squeezed his shoulder. “This has been really nice, Kylo. I hope we can have more days like this. I’ll bring back something special for dinner.”

Kylo averted his eyes and nodded. He got into the cage without argument, and listened to Hux go back upstairs, putter around for a few minutes before leaving the house. He waited for the sound of a car driving away, and then that was it.

He sat in silence. Alone. With a key in his pocket, trying to work up the courage to use it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. I hope this gave y'all what you've been wanting ;) More to come.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so note the "Graphic Depictions of Violence" tag above. This and the next chapter are a bit rougher than normal (but if you're worried, it's really the end of it. we can only go uphill from here). Also updated the tags for things coming up later. I'm almost done writing the damn thing. It's uhhh.... so much longer than I ever expected it to be, fellas.

He sat there for hours with the key in his hand, working up the nerve. Dozens of times he leaned forward and put the key in the lock, only to draw back again. What if this wasn’t the right key? What if Hux came home right then? What if this was a trick somehow? What if what if what if. By the time he finally thought he might be ready to use the key, the sun was already lowering towards late afternoon. If he was going to use it, it had to be first thing in the morning. He resolved to do it tomorrow.

Kylo found a space he could hide the key on the ground under the cage. It would only be visible if the cage was moved, but Kylo still spent about an hour moving it and making sure it was completely invisible.

When Hux got home, he was pleased, happy, almost easygoing. He brought burgers and fries home, saying that he thought Kylo would enjoy it. Kylo did, tasting the grease explode across his tongue with an almost ecstasy.

Kylo almost managed to make himself forget he even had the key until that night. When they were going to sleep, Hux pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Kylo’s chest and nuzzling into the back of his neck. Feeling that brought the panic back. Kylo stiffened.

“I hope we can have more nights like last night. It was really nice.” Hux sighed before falling asleep. Kylo lay awake thinking about it for what felt like hours. He couldn’t let his best chance go by. He couldn’t forget what Hux was like. He had to go.

He resolved to use the key in the morning.

The next morning, he waited patiently in the cage until he heard Hux drive off, and then he waited another half hour before even thinking of moving.

Kylo pulled the key out of his pocket, staring at it in wonder. All he had to do was put this in the lock, and then he was free to go wherever he wanted. The idea was so novel to him at this point that he wasn’t ready for it. It felt strange, wrong.

Before he did anything, Kylo searched his thoughts thoroughly. Despite all the pressure he’d been under lately, one thing was absolutely not in doubt. He wanted to be free. He wanted to escape, more than anything. Hux’s small tokens of kindness were not worth the misery that surrounded them.

He closed his eyes and held his breath, trying to summon up something that would give him the push to go. He saw Rey standing in front of him, messy buns more like rat nests down her back, wearing a huge letter jacket. She gave him a sardonic look. _It’s now or never, buddy. I’m waiting for you if you work up the courage to do it._

For what felt like the first time in a long time, Kylo thought about the outside world. Rey _was_ out there. He hoped she missed him and would be glad to see him, he hoped that Leia and Luke would be too. His world had become so insular and claustrophobic over the past few months, but there were people out there who hopefully missed him. There was more to the world than Hux.

Feeling like something in his chest were breaking open, Kylo snaked his hand out of the cage, turned the key in his hand, and unlocked the door. He was sure it wasn’t going to work. He’d been mistaken, or grabbed the wrong key, or something.

The lock clunked in that way he was so familiar with and the door swung open.

Kylo gaped open-mouthed. All he could do was sit there, staring. He shuffled forward and put his hands on the floor. He could get out of the cage, and leave. He could do whatever he wanted to do. He crawled out of the cage and stood up. The sudden rush of blood to his head made it swim, and tears came unbidden to his eyes. He wiped them away, furious at himself. It was time to get out of here.

He wandered upstairs in a daze. He walked past the kitchen sink, and, noticing that he was thirsty, he bent to the faucet and took a long drink, marveling at his own daring. He hadn’t had to ask permission. He just did it. He felt a little punch-drunk. The light around him seemed a little too golden, things didn’t seem quite real. Here he was, wandering around Hux’s house with no repercussions in the slightest.

He walked up the stairs and down the hall to Hux’s office, tried the doorknob. It was locked. The only way he had of contacting the outside world was in that room, but Kylo decided it didn’t matter. It was still morning. Hux wouldn’t be back for hours. He would just follow the road and walk until he found civilization. He had time.

As he descended the stairs, Kylo realized that he was tiptoeing, still trying to be quiet. A crooked smile crossed his face, and he found himself laughing, the sound strange and almost crazed coming out of his throat. What felt like a balloon was swelling in his chest; he felt buoyed, giddy. He stopped stock-still in front of the front door with his hand on the lock.

He didn’t move for a very long few seconds. Guilt and paranoia rushed up, tried to tell him to stay, but he shoved them to the back of his mind with the strength of his giddiness. He was going to do it. He was going to walk right out this door. He was going to find other people, and then the first thing he was going to do was find the nearest strip of woods and go walking in it. Alone. He had no interest in talking with anyone, not for a long time. He would take a walk by himself. The thought of being outdoors without roofs or bars or ropes keeping him restrained was dizzying. He thought he might take pains to avoid ever being inside a building ever again.

His fingers came up to scratch at the collar around his neck. The key was in Hux’s office, and he couldn’t get to it. A light went on in his head and he ran to the kitchen, getting out a short paring knife. He carefully slipped it between the leather and his skin and sawed away at it until the collar fell away. Kylo heaved in a huge breath like he hadn’t for a long time. His neck felt so free. He rubbed at the skin, marveling at the strange sensation. It felt unimaginably good. Feeling a surge of hatred and revulsion so powerful he couldn’t deny it, Kylo took the knife and stabbed it through the collar and into the counter, leaving it there for Hux to see. He thought that would communicate his feelings about it quite adequately.

Kylo held his breath, turned the lock. It clicked softly. He pulled the door open, and fresh air rushed in. He held it deep in his lungs, perfectly content. He had forgotten to even feel guilty about Hux finding out. He would be far away by the time Hux came back.

A huge smile splitting his face, Kylo stepped out onto the porch, stretching his arms wide and breathing in. He hopped down to the grass, feeling it between his toes with such a rush of pleasure he hadn’t thought he’d experience again. He paused for just one moment, looked back at the house, and with a rush of daring that made him feel punch-drunk, he raised his middle finger at the empty house.

“Kiss my _fucking_ ass, Hux!” He screamed, his voice breaking halfway through. This seemed a childish and entirely unworthy way of encompassing all his rage at Hux, but it would have to do. He didn’t have the wherewithal to think of anything pithy.

Unable to stop grinning so that it almost hurt his cheeks, Kylo started off down the driveway. Every step he took made Hux’s fingers gripping him slowly fade away. His chest felt free and clear. He had never before felt so alive.

The warm asphalt under his feet felt good. Everything felt good. He just followed the road, knowing that sooner or later it had to lead to civilization. He just needed to find a gas station or another house and get help.

Kylo walked for about an hour before his legs started to hurt and his breath started to come short in his chest. He hadn’t gotten much if any activity over the past couple months, and he wasn’t nearly as fit as he used to be. Some of his euphoria started to fade, and stark reality set in again, with it some of the worry. He needed to find help. He wanted to get out of here.

A little after that, he passed a sign reading _Barton 10_. This didn’t shed any light on where he was. A town’s name like Barton was so generic that it could be anywhere. But, 10 miles. It was a lot, but he could do it. He picked up his pace a little.

About 20 minutes later, he saw up ahead a small glint of light. He kept walking and saw up in the distance a row of gas pumps. His heart started galloping in his chest. Civilization. Help. He started smiling again. Couldn’t help it. He was tired, he was sore, he was sure he had about eight tons of trauma that he’d have to deal with before too long, but for just this one moment, he felt hope.

He got close enough to see the station attendant, sitting inside and reading something. It felt like a flash of lightning. Kylo hadn’t seen another human soul besides Hux in months. This felt so strange. He started jogging forward, so excited he couldn’t think straight.

He was flat-out running by the time he got to the gas station. He ran up and threw open the door to the station. The attendant jumped in his seat and wheeled around.

The second he caught sight of Kylo, his eyes narrowed cautiously. “What the fuck, man. Are you trying to kill me?”

Kylo was so overwhelmed by the sight of another person, as well as thoroughly taken out by his short run, that he had to put his hands on his knees for a moment and wheeze for breath. “I… You have to… I need help. Police…” He wheezed.

The attendant didn’t immediately lunge for the phone like Kylo had been hoping and expecting. He was still looking at Kylo warily. Kylo realized why. He was barefoot, scratched up, skinny, wild-looking. He probably looked drugged-out or dangerous. “I think you’d better move it along there, pal… I don’t want any trouble…”

Kylo heaved in a breath and stood up straight. “No. No trouble. I need your phone. I, I, I need to get out of here. You don’t understand. I…”

The guy backed up a pace. “There’s a pay phone out in the parking lot. You’re welcome to use that.”

Kylo could have screamed. He laughed, the sound harsh and strange in his throat. “I don’t have any fucking change. I, I haven’t seen _anyone_ in months. You don’t-”

The attendant shook his head. “Look, man. If you don’t have any money, you’re just gonna have to walk to town. Sorry. It’s not that much farther.”

The absurdity of this entire situation was staggering. Kylo lurched forward and slammed his hands on the counter. The guy took one step back with obvious fear on his face. “_Listen to me._ I have been held prisoner in some maniac’s basement for _months_! I need your goddamn help. I need the police. I need the fucking National Guard. I just need…” His throat closed up.

The guy was looking at him with wide eyes. “You what? Are you serious?”

A hysterical laugh bubbled out of his mouth. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

Before he could answer, the bell over the door rang, and the attendant’s attention shifted with obvious relief to the new arrival. Kylo looked over his shoulder in annoyance, about to scream at them to wait.

His insides immediately felt like they had been liquified. Hux was striding in, looking harried and not anything like himself. Kylo had one split second to act, and he realized that Hux wasn’t looking at him. He might not have seen him. Kylo dove behind a shelf and hunkered down on the ground, shivering violently.

Hux had strode up to the counter. “Have you seen a man come by here sometime in the past hour or two? He would have been alone. Skinny, messy black hair, probably barefoot, looking like he escaped from a mental institution? Walking, not driving.” He was nearly breathless.

The attendant opened his mouth and paused. Kylo peeked around the corner, ice freezing his veins. He started calculating his chances of getting around Hux and pelting for the door. The attendant, to his credit, didn’t look Kylo’s way.

“Sorry, sir, we’re not really in the business of sharing information like that with total strangers…” The attendant said. Even in his panic, Kylo noticed that the attendant was treating Hux with more respect than he’d been given, and that burned.

Hux waved his hand like this was no matter. He didn’t even hesitate. “No, of course, I understand that. It’s just that this is a special case. It’s just, it’s my friend, you see. I won’t bore you with the whole story, but he’s an addict, and he’s been working very hard these past few years on getting clean. It’s just that, his sister got into a car accident last night, and he’s not taking it well. He’s not answering his phone, and I’m worried that he’s relapsed. I don’t think he would hurt anyone, but he could very well be a danger to himself. I just need to find him so I can get him some help.”

Kylo was shocked by how easily this story came to Hux and the confidence with which he was pulling it off. He could see the attendant’s face softening in sympathy and knew his time before he was discovered was limited.

The attendant raised his hand toward his hiding spot. “He’s right over there-” He began, and Kylo didn’t wait.

He pelted out of his hiding spot and sprinted for the door. He heard Hux shouting and felt his fingers snag the back of his shirt before he slammed open the door and ran for it. He got outside and ran down the road, outside of the visual range of the attendant inside. He could hear Hux running behind him, grunting with effort, and his heart soared in literal terror.

Kylo took the barest look back, and if he could have possibly been more scared, he would have become so now. Hux was head down pelting after him, his face contorted into a snarl of rage, bared teeth and full determination focused on taking him down. Kylo ran for his life.

His lungs started to seize right around the time when he felt Hux’s fingers snag the back of his shirt. He was yanked backwards with incredible force, and he went flying back, losing his balance and falling into the grass. He scrambled up to his feet, intending on running into the forest, when a fist slammed into his stomach with bruising force.

Kylo doubled over and retched, all breath and thought driven out of his lungs. His vision swam. He felt hands grab his arms and yank him to his feet, marching him back towards the gas station. Kylo stumbled along, trying to get his bearings. He started weakly trying to fight back when a fist drove into his kidneys instead. Blinding pain whipcracked across his mind. He didn’t even have enough breath to scream. He would have immediately fallen if Hux hadn’t been holding him up. He was dragged the couple hundred yards back to the gas station, and then he found himself being thrown into the backseat of Hux’s car, his nose grinding down into the carpet. He was too dazed to fight back.

“Now, I’m going to go smooth things over with this attendant, and then I’ll be dealing with you.” Hux growled before slamming the door.

Kylo wheezed and tried to get up, trying to get his hands and knees under him, but unable to make his mind and body work together. He only had a few seconds to get out of this car. If he couldn’t run, he’d crawl. Fuck it. He’d do whatever it took to get away from Hux. Whatever it fucking took.

He’d only managed to swallow a lot of dust and start a coughing fit before the driver’s door opened and Hux slid into the car. He shut the door and silence reigned in the car. He was completely still.

Kylo was still facedown in the floor of the backseat, and he was just slowly getting enough strength to pull himself up into a sitting position. He couldn’t bear to look Hux in the face.

Hux took a few deep breaths and then turned the car on, buckling his seat belt and pulling calmly away from the curb. Kylo was still gasping loudly, managed to turn himself over so he was leaning his back against the door. Pain throbbed in his stomach and kidneys, his lungs burned, and his arms and legs were turning to jelly after their brief exertion.

Kylo flopped his arms up on the backseat and began the torturous process of pulling himself up onto the seat. He was just starting to get his breath back.

“If you even fucking _think_ about getting up on that seat, I’m going to cut off your thumbs. I have a pair of garden shears lying around that don’t get nearly enough use.” Hux said lowly and viciously, pure fury underlying his tone.

Kylo froze solid not just at the threat, but the unadulterated hatred he heard in Hux’s voice. Hux had always been intimidating, but he never seemed to lose his temper. Kylo heard a real promise of blind vengeance if he did anything else to piss him off. He slid back down so he lay on the floor.

His heart pounded in his chest and every muscle felt loose and useless. It was only until this moment that the true consequences of his actions were starting to settle in. He’d tried to escape right after it seemed like Hux was really starting to trust him and loosen up. Kylo was in so much fucking trouble. Terror pulsed behind his eyes. He had to do something to make this right.

He couldn’t see Hux at all from his position on the floor, just knew that he was driving. He sucked in a few breaths and gathered a small bit of courage to speak.

“H-Hux, I’m-” He began in a wavering voice.

Hux slammed on the brakes with no warning, and Kylo’s head snapped to the side, hitting the plastic molding of the door. He cried out in shock and surprise. Suddenly, Hux leaned back from the driver’s seat and grabbed his chin in a bruising grip, his fingers digging into his jaw painfully. Kylo choked out a whimper and tried to pull away to no avail.

Hux leaned over him, crowding into the small bit of space he had in the backseat. He locked eyes with Kylo, and they were full of boiling anger. His smell and weight overwhelmed Kylo. “Did I say you could fucking speak?”

Kylo’s weak fingers tried to pull his grip off of him. “N-n-no…” He whimpered.

Hux slammed his head back against the door behind him. Kylo’s head exploded in pain and he screamed. “_DID I SAY YOU COULD FUCKING SPEAK?!_” Hux shouted this time, spittle spraying onto his face.

Kylo’s ears rang. His chest hitched and tears started flowing, but he didn’t answer.

If anything, Hux’s fingers dug in even more. Kylo’s entire head was a pulsing band of pain. “I don’t want to hear your voice unless you’re crying or screaming, you pathetic little waste of space. That goes for now on. You’ll be lucky if I ever decide you’re allowed to talk again. Right now, that seems really _fucking_ unlikely.”

Kylo grasped weakly at Hux’s fingers and gasped. Hux’s eyes seemed to have captured his, and he knew Hux was completely and utterly serious.

Hux didn’t wait for a response. He shook him violently like a ragdoll, hitting his head a few more times. “_Well?!_” He demanded.

Tears flowing down his face, Kylo nodded as best as he could. Hux growled, put a hand over his face and then pushed him back down. He put his hands back on the wheel and started driving.

Kylo choked out a few breaths and then started sobbing. He immediately flinched and put his hands over his mouth, worried that Hux would be angry with him for making noise. It didn’t stop the sound of his sobbing, and he hunkered down in the backseat, squeezing his eyes shut and shivering in misery and abject fear.

His tears had only tapered off a little by the time they pulled back into the driveway of Hux’s house. Kylo waited in fear while Hux turned the car off. He didn’t get out right away, just sat there. The only sound in the car was Kylo’s muffled crying and the ticking sound of the engine cooling off.

At long last, Hux got out of the car and slammed the door. Kylo waited for him to come around, but he didn’t right away. There were footsteps going into the house and a few minutes of silence. Kylo didn’t even think of moving. He couldn’t seem to stop shaking. He thought he might throw up from how afraid he was now. He thought about the collar he’d left on the counter and moaned in misery. He didn’t know how he could have been so cavalier and stupid. Had he really thought it was going to be that easy to escape?

The door was thrown open behind him, and he almost fell backward onto the ground. A hand grabbed a handful of his hair and started yanking him out of the car. Kylo screamed in pain and tried his best to keep up, scrambling along the ground behind Hux.

“_Ow, ow, please, let go-_” Kylo howled before he could stop himself.

Hux threw him onto the ground and kicked him in the back, making an electric burst of pain flood down his spine. Kylo wailed, and his brain shorted out for a few seconds. “What did I just say? I didn’t think that you were so fucking stupid as to not understand simple instructions, but I shouldn’t be surprised. After the shit you pulled today, I should be ready for anything!” Hux spat.

Kylo lay staring up at the sky and gasping for breath. He felt buffeted from all sides.

Hux snapped and pointed at the house. “Let’s go. Now.”

Kylo rolled over with great difficulty and started trying to get to his feet. Hux stomped down on his ankle. Something snapped and Kylo screamed again, collapsing to the ground, tears making his vision swim.

“I didn’t say you could walk. I’ll treat you like an animal if that’s what it takes to get into your thick skull. Now crawl.” Hux paced around him, voice measured but still furious.

Kylo couldn’t stop himself from crying if he’d tried. Sobs wracked his frame. He got his palms pressed into the ground and heaved in huge breaths as he got his knees under him. His right foot dragged behind him, bones grinding together in agony. Black spots danced before his eyes. He didn’t have a hope of walking even if he wanted to.

He only made it a few inches before the sensation of his foot dragging behind him caused his stomach to clench. Before he knew it, he vomited onto the ground, every muscle in his body tightening up. Hux watched this impassively, waiting for him to move again. Kylo wiped his mouth off and forced himself to move again, even though his head spun.

He crawled toward the house, agonizingly slow, Hux keeping pace beside him. They made it inside and Hux herded him toward the living room. Kylo made it to the middle of the room before he could go no further. He collapsed in exhaustion, arms shaking with exertion. When he felt his vision tunneling and knew he was about to pass out, it was almost a relief. He sort of hoped he wouldn’t wake up again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same content warnings as last chapter: Slightly more intense violence than in other chapters, although after this, it should calm down, I promise.

Kylo awoke in the same position he’d passed out in, nose pressed into the living room carpet, body aching, broken ankle on fire. A buzzing pain enveloped his leg from his calf down to his toes. From the quality of the light, he could tell that most of the day was gone, and the day was winding down toward dusk. He didn’t have the luxury of forgetting the position he was in.

He peeled one eye open and looked up at Hux sitting in the armchair with his laptop. He seemed to be watching something, brows furrowed in annoyance but not outright rage. Kylo hoped wildly that this was a good sign, but Hux’s shoulders were tight with a held-back rage that promised nothing good for Kylo.

He could tell there were a few things set on the coffee table just out of his line of vision, but he didn’t dare get up to look. He stayed where he was, just got his elbows under him a little so he could lift his head. His ankle was pulsing with a dormant, angry pain, and he worried about what it would feel like if he moved it one bit. It occurred to him with a distant pulse of fear that even if he had wanted to run now, he wouldn’t be able to.

Hux acted like he didn’t notice Kylo at all. Kylo almost opened his mouth to say something, but then thought better of it. He found himself shaking again, his shoulders and hands and legs, almost out of his control. He wished that he could stop it.

After almost ten minutes of silence, Hux finally acknowledged his presence, setting the laptop aside and looking down at him. “I’ve had to pay off that clerk at the gas station. I convinced him it would be in his best interest to forget he ever saw anything. He had a truly incredible amount of student debt waiting for him, so it wasn’t that difficult. I’m betting he won’t be staying here for long, since he doesn’t have to. Soon, he will be hundreds of miles away, and no problem for either of us. Neat and tidy, just the way I like it.”

Kylo ducked his head in an attempt to hide his crestfallen expression. He hadn’t had time to even think about the clerk as a source of hope, but like always, Hux had beaten him to it, nipping that in the bud. He was right back where he started. Actually worse than when he started.

“Now, what am I going to do with you…?” Hux mused slowly.

Dread flowed down Kylo’s spine. His first instinct was to plead for mercy, but he knew this would only get him into worse trouble.

“I really thought I was making progress with you, but not only were you lying to me, you outright disrespected me. That I cannot let stand.”

Hux reached over and threw the destroyed collar onto the ground in front of Kylo. He felt himself shrink into himself. He wanted to disappear into the carpet, but he was pinned by Hux’s gaze.

“Despite what you may think of me, I’m not a moron. I’m not going to leave my home completely unprotected against those who wish to take what is mine. The house is alarmed. I knew the moment that you opened the front door. Imagine my surprise when I was halfway to the city and received an alert on my phone that my security had been breached. I’m just happy I made it back in time before you said something foolish.” Hux said.

Kylo chanced a look up at Hux, and the cold look he was given withered any ounce of courage he may have had left. He bit his lip and tried not to start crying again.

“While you were unconscious, I found the key you took for the cage downstairs, and I found your collar on the counter. These I cannot let stand, and they were bad enough. Tell me something. Do you think that I am especially stupid? That I am to be trifled with?”

Kylo tensed, his stomach in knots. He shook his head.

“You say that, and yet I found this on the security footage, which seems to tell a different story.” Hux turned the laptop around, and Kylo found himself watching footage from outside the house earlier today. He watched himself, a huge grin on his face step onto the porch and stretch his arms. Kylo found himself feeling a profound rush of hatred for himself, for his stupid smile and carefree attitude, for what he was about to do.

Kylo swallowed heavily, unable to look away as the image of himself walked down the steps, turned to the camera and flipped it off. He heard his tinny voice from the speakers: “_Kiss my fucking ass, Hux!_”

If possible, Kylo wilted even more, pressing himself down into the floor and hunching his shoulders. He put his hands over his head. He was sick with fear.

“Look at me.” Hux ordered.

Raising his eyes up to meet Hux’s face felt like ascending a mountain. Kylo’s entire face had drained of blood.

Hux’s face was stern, cold. The fury was still there, just under the surface. “This isn’t just about respect, you know. You hurt me too. I really thought we were getting somewhere. You’ve been keeping things from me. Was it all a lie? The kiss?”

Kylo shook his head tightly, lips pressed together.

Hux sighed. “I wish I could believe that. I’ve given you so much of myself, and in return, you take advantage of me. It’s hard for me, you know. This could be so much worse for you. If I was a more unfeeling man, I would have taken you into my bed the day I got you. But I didn’t. I’ve waited for you, I’ve allowed you to move along at your own pace. And how do you reward my patience? By insulting me, by running away, by trying to abandon me.”

There was such a note of betrayal in Hux’s voice that made Kylo feel guilty. If he was more clear-headed, he would have been able to recognize this speech for what it was: manipulative bullshit. But he was distracted by the pain in his broken ankle, petrified over whatever was to come, every inch of him was now focused on just one thing: _Make him happy so he doesn’t hurt you as much. Roll over, do whatever he wants, be whatever he wants you to be._ Kylo couldn’t help seeing it from Hux’s point of view. He was right. He _had_ been starting to be nicer, and Kylo had been the one to fuck it up. Nobody else. The blame for whatever was about to happen rested squarely on his shoulders.

Hux closed the laptop and set it aside, leaning forward. The slightly maudlin Hux was gone, and the anger was back. “Now, as much as I was looking forward to a pleasant evening, I suppose that now I have to deal with your bratty behavior. I won’t enjoy it much, under the circumstances, but I promise you this. You will enjoy it much less.”

Kylo opened his mouth and a choked, clicking sound came out. It was almost a protest, an apology, something, but he had already dug his hole deep enough. His vision thudded in despair. There was nothing he could do to make it better, he knew that. He had to take whatever Hux gave him.

Hux stood up suddenly, and Kylo flinched. “Clothes. Off.” Hux demanded.

Kylo rolled over slowly and sat up, eyes staring off into the distance in glazed panic. His heart slammed against his throat. His hands came up to remove his shirt, but they were shaking so hard he couldn’t get it over his head. Hux hissed in disgust and pulled the shirt off for him. Kylo cringed and hated himself for it. As he began the horribly slow process of pulling off the rest of his clothes without aggravating his ankle, he realized something that made him feel, if possible, even worse. The entire time since Hux had found him, he hadn’t said his name. Not once. Usually it was peppered in all over the place, but he had been treating Kylo like an animal or a thing. It was then that he started to become even more afraid.

He pulled down his pants and underpants, slipping his left foot out of the clothes. He’d managed to do all of this without moving his right ankle. He looked down at it dully now. It was swollen and bruised, twisted out of its normal position. He could see the broken bone poking just under his skin. His stomach roiled. The pant legs weren’t that wide, and he knew this was going to hurt. He wished he had scissors to cut them off, but he knew it was only a wish.

He took a deep breath and eased the pants down over his knee, bunching them all over his calf. He held the pants leg open, hoping to be able to slip them over his ankle while barely touching it. He hesitated, trying to figure out a way to support his foot with one hand while pulling them off with the other.

Hux had lost patience with him. He hunkered down and reached for his ankle. “I don’t have all day. Let’s go.”

Kylo felt a rush of panic at the thought of him roughly yanking the pants over his broken ankle like he had the shirt. He lunged forward. “N-” He started to say, and then caught himself, clapping a hand over his mouth to keep himself from talking.

Hux looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. Kylo looked at him wide-eyed, one hand clamped over his mouth. He shook his head jerkily, trying to convey with just his eyes that he would do it if given the chance.

Hux rocked back on his heels and looked at him expectantly. Kylo’s hands shook as he pulled the pants leg down even further toward his ankle. He lifted his foot and slipped the pants leg off as carefully as he could. White-hot pain exploded outward from his ankle to his toes and up his leg and into his chest. Kylo moaned desperately, trying to get on top of the pain before it dragged him under. His entire right leg felt like it was throbbing in a blazing vice.

Hux took his clothes while he was getting his breath back, taking them away and then coming back holding a short whip. Kylo peeked up and saw it, rolling onto his side and burying his head in his arms, unable to stop himself from bursting into tears again. It was too much. He was already broken and they hadn’t even begun yet.

Hux was unfazed by the tears. “Previously, when I’ve punished you, I’ve given you a number to count to, or a chance to apologize. I’m not going to do that this time. Before, I was training you, it was about gentle correction. I wanted to give you a chance to learn. Since you’ve clearly shown me that you don’t respect me, tonight is just about breaking you in. Since you will probably be too far gone to understand later, I’m giving you the lesson up front. Are you listening to me?”

He nudged Kylo with his toe, who lifted his tear-streaked face from his arms and nodded, a choking wail coming out of his mouth instead of words.

“You are mine to do with as I will. I can be nice to you, let you read books and sleep in a bed and eat good food. Since you’ve shown me that you don’t appreciate that, I’m going to treat you like this instead.”

Without further warning, Hux started in, leaning back and then letting fly, whipping Kylo square across the back.

Kylo didn’t know he had so much air in his lungs, but he howled in pain. It felt like he had just been sliced in half, that the damage went down to the bone. Hux did it again, and again, and again, all seemingly in the same spot. Kylo felt beaten to the ground, that he couldn’t catch breath. Hux hit his ass, his thighs, his calves. Kylo started trying to crawl away, and Hux leaned down and put his hand around Kylo’s ankle and squeezed.

Kylo’s vision narrowed to a tunnel. He felt disconnected from his body. He was being rolled over onto his back, and he gasped like a fish out of water. He’d never felt pain like this before. He didn’t know his body had it in him. He’d thought the belt had been bad, but this whip was drawing blood. Every strike wasn’t a sharp pain but an explosion of agony.

He was whipped on the chest and on the insides of his elbows, all over. One particularly vicious strike curled from his collarbone halfway across his body, the tail end of the whip catching Kylo’s balls. His vision whited out for a moment, and he fell back, gasping soundlessly like a fish out of water. He stopped thinking very much after that.

Events started to happen out of sequence. He heard himself begging and pleading and Hux telling him he’d only prolonged his punishment, but he didn’t know what that meant. Blows hit his chest and arms and legs and back. He learned the backs of his knees hurt the most. At some point, Kylo became confused, thinking that Hux had given him something to drink, until he noticed it was the salty taste of blood.

Much later, he would think about how he’d never considered the phrase ‘screamed bloody murder’ before. It was just a phrase, that’s all. Now, he finally understood. There were a lot of reasons to scream: from excitement, surprise, shock, happiness. Screaming like that, expelling every ounce of air in your lungs, had no other purpose than expressing bone-deep terror, the only recourse left to a mind completely overloaded on pain.

Kylo screamed bloody murder.

Sometime, it ended, but he didn’t notice. Kylo floated in a haze of pain and dissociation. He found that when he hurt this much, it all seemed to combine into one big ball of pain, and he couldn’t figure out where exactly each separate piece was coming from.

A long time later, Kylo floated back to his body and into consciousness. Breathing hurt, moving hurt, thinking hurt. The all-encompassing throb of pain in his ankle was almost a relief now, as the stinging, traveling pain from being whipped almost served to overload his brain.

He drifted back slowly, cracking his eyes open to see Hux sitting in his armchair reading calmly. Kylo groaned, his voice destroyed from screaming. Hux glanced up. “Good. You’re awake. We’ve still got things to do tonight, I was wondering if you were going to be with me or not.”

Kylo shook his head weakly. He didn’t know how to tell Hux that he couldn’t take any more of that. He would die. He would literally die. He was dying.

“Sit up. I’m not done with you.” Hux said.

Kylo’s head swam, but he tried to comply. Anything to avoid that pain again. He grabbed the edge of the couch and just managed to pull himself into a half-sitting position. It hurt to lean against the couch with his back, but it was either that or collapse back onto the ground, and Hux wanted him up.

Kylo glanced down at himself. His chest, body, and legs were covered in thin, bleeding stripes, crisscrossed all over the place. None of them were very deep, but they were bleeding, and they hurt.

Hux watched this with dispassion. “Those are going to leave scars. There’s just no way around it. At first I thought I wouldn’t like that, but it’s a good way of marking you. I thought about branding you, but I liked this better. I’ll enjoy touching these once they heal.”

Kylo had reached his limit. He was way past his limit. His limit had been left in the dust about an hour ago. He leaned over and retched violently, but nothing came up but bile. His stomach was completely empty. He was starting to come back to himself a little, but he still couldn’t string a coherent thought together. All he could manage was following orders.

“Two more things for tonight. I need to get to bed. I don’t think I need to tell you there will be a change in the sleeping arrangements.” Hux said, fiddling with something on the table.

Kylo thought dully of being locked in the cage downstairs again. At this point, he didn’t care, he just wanted to rest. He wanted to sleep and never wake up again.

Hux tapped his knee. “Come here, boy.”

Kylo gazed dully at his captor and began the long and arduous process of crawling over. His hands were spared from the assault, but his knees weren’t, and they ground into the carpet. He stopped in front of Hux on his knees, shoulders hunched. The room seemed to be swaying around him. His vision kept flickering in and out and there was a persistent buzzing sound in his ears.

Hux forced him to look up at him. “Since you destroyed the last collar I had for you, I had to get a new one, and I took the opportunity to improve it.” Hux was holding out another brown leather collar, although this one was different. For one thing, it was wider and thicker, and had more buckles, and a more streamlined way to lock it shut. For another, curiously, it had dull metal spikes studding around it, but on the inside. Kylo frowned in confusion.

“These will just give you an extra reminder of who you belong to, I think. They aren’t sharp, so they won’t cut into you, but they will hurt.” Hux said.

Kylo stiffened as Hux reached around to fasten the collar around his throat, but he didn’t try to get away. He had more than learned his lesson for tonight. This collar was wider and more unforgiving, Kylo could tell he would have a hard time moving his neck with this on. As Hux got behind him and started buckling it on, Kylo began to choke. The metal spikes pressed into his neck, making it hard to breathe. He started to pull away instinctively, but Hux smacked him on the back of the head to keep him still. The collar was buckled very tightly around his neck and then locked into place. He could still breathe, but unlike the other one, this was designed to be uncomfortable. Every time he breathed in, the spikes dug farther into his neck, making him feel like he was choking. The leather dug into his neck, unforgiving. This one not only had spikes on the inside, but Hux had buckled the choke collar tighter than the other one so it was always noticeable. With the other collar, Kylo could sometimes get away with forgetting it was there. He didn’t have the same luxury now.

Kylo gasped for breath, trying to pull it away from his skin to get some air, but not finding any give. After a few moments of choking, he found a balance, but only by thinking about it consciously.

Hux tugged the ring on the back of it to keep him still. “Now calm down. You’re not actually choking.”

Kylo turned to look at him with watery eyes. He wanted to cry again, but his throat was too dry.

Hux then picked up something else on the table. “I also want to remove the temptation of talking for you. You’ve already spoken out of turn three times tonight when I told you you were not allowed. You see the problem here.”

Kylo feared the muzzle, but Hux was holding something stranger in his hand. It seemed to be a ring attached to a series of straps and buckles as well as a black ball. Kylo only had time to pull back a little before Hux grabbed his head and began to fasten the gag in place.

The ring was fitted in behind his teeth, making it impossible for him to close his mouth. Straps and buckles were fastened behind his head in two places, anchoring the gag in place. Then, the attached ball was shoved into his mouth, with its own strap buckled in place behind his head. It shoved his tongue down to the bottom of his mouth and filled it so that making noise was all but impossible except in grunts. Each buckle had a small lock that was clicked into place.

Hux let go of him, and Kylo began the now very familiar process of trying without succeeding to take the restraints off. He realized in this moment how thirsty he really was. Kylo lowered down and pressed his head into the carpet, tired beyond measure.

Hux clipped a leash to his collar and started to lead him back through the house. Kylo discovered very quickly that it hurt quite a deal when the spikes in the choke collar dug into his neck, so he hurried to keep up with Hux on his hands and knees. He didn’t need to be told that he wasn’t allowed to stand up, and in his semi-delirious state, he wasn’t even dreaming of denying Hux. It’s not like he would have been able to walk anyway. His ankle dragged behind him, and he tried his best to keep it in the air, but he couldn’t help jostling it every once in a while, and he whimpered deep in his throat whenever he did.

They reached the kitchen, and Kylo had time to wonder how he was going to get down the stairs before Hux just kept going, opening the back door and leading out into the backyard. Kylo hesitated for only a moment before he was yanked forward again.

Hux led him out into the backyard. Dirt and small rocks dug into his knees and hands as Kylo kept crawling forward, panting from the effort of breathing through his nose. His ankle only seemed to be getting worse. It was too dark to see anything, so Hux turned the back-porch light on.

Hux led him onto a bare wooden platform one inch off the ground. It looked like something that would normally hold a tool bench or a grill. There were a few leather straps bolted into the platform and something hanging off to one side that Kylo couldn’t quite see. He pulled back just a little, but Hux made short work of pulling his wrists into the straps and buckling them in tight, then moving to his legs. He tied down his left ankle, cinching it tight, and Kylo began to whine as best he could and pull his broken ankle closer to his body. His heart started pounding in his chest. If Hux cinched his broken ankle up that tight, he probably would pass out from the pain. He wouldn’t be able to help it.

In this one small thing, Hux took pity on him. He tied the strap farther up his leg on his calf and tied him down. Kylo was left on his hands and knees on this wooden platform in the backyard. He turned to look back at Hux in confusion. Was he really going to leave him out here?

There was another finishing touch. Hux walked off to his right side and lifted what turned out to be a heavy metal cage up and down to close on top of Kylo. Kylo hunched in on himself as best he could when he saw it coming, as it wasn’t very big. There was one scary moment where he thought Hux was going to drop it on top of his exposed fingers or toes. However, it turned out to be just big enough. Hux let it drop on top of him and drove the bolt home, locking Kylo in. Kylo looked out at him in panic.

The cage was just barely big enough for Kylo. His shoulders pressed against the top of it and the soles of his feet and small of his back rested against the back of it. He had absolutely no side-to-side or forward-and-backward movement. It was punishingly small. The only movement he had available to him was laying down a little bit, but Hux was way ahead of him. He stepped up on the platform and attached a strap from the roof of the cage to a ring on the back of Kylo’s choke collar. This meant that if he tried to lay down at all, he would immediately start choking himself. Sleeping would be a distant possibility.

Claustrophobia immediately overtook Kylo. He locked eyes with Hux and started trying to talk around the gag, grunting in desperation. He didn’t want to be left in here, couldn’t be left in here. He didn’t have a single inch to move. It had only been a few seconds, but he could feel a scream building up inside of him.

Hux looked him over as if pleased by his handiwork. “Clearly going outside was important to you, so I thought I would facilitate that. You don’t want to be in my house, you don’t have to be.”

And then he left. Kylo was faced away from the house, so he didn’t even get to watch Hux walk away. He was just gone. There was the faintest hint of light that he could see in his peripheral vision, but after about 20 minutes, even that was gone.

Kylo stared forward in a state of shock. Everything had happened so quickly. His ankle was screaming at him from the crawling, and his skin all over the place burned from where he’d been whipped. Dried and still oozing blood streaked his arms and chest and legs. Worst of all was that he couldn’t move. Not an inch. He tried, but the only thing he could do in his position was lower himself down to sleep. He started to choke, the studs digging into the tender flesh of his neck. He tried to lean his shoulders against the bars of the cage or his forehead against the front, but he was on a short leash, only an inch or two of slack. Move anywhere he wasn’t supposed to, he would choke.

Kylo’s muscles ached right away, and he couldn’t imagine what he was going to feel like in a few hours still in this same position. Again, the claustrophobia rushed up and threatened to overtake him, but Kylo closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He didn’t know how long Hux would leave him in here, so he had to keep a calm head until then. As usual, he had no other choice.

Gradually, his eyes adjusted to the night, and he could see the faint shape of the tree line and bushes ahead of him. He started to doze, and as his shoulders lowered, he choked himself back into wakefulness. He stared blearily out at the yard. He couldn’t fall asleep without choking himself. Hux had even taken that from him.

At some point, his full-body haze of pain faded a bit in favor of shivers from the cold. Once the sun set, the temperature plummeted. It had to be 50 or 60 degrees out here, but without clothing or protection, this was going to be a long night. A light breeze picked up, sneaking through his legs to caress his chest and all the vulnerable places that would be first to be covered up. Kylo hunkered down miserably as well as he could. His jaw started to ache from the pressure of trying to chatter his teeth. He bit down on the gag in his mouth as best he could, but that didn’t provide much relief.

It could have been hours later, but it was just as dark, and he was still kneeling here, locked up in a cage that would have been too small for a rabbit. Kylo’s biceps tensed and then shook violently as they tried to collapse into a resting position. He frowned and held on grimly, unable to move, unable to do anything but endure.

Kylo jerked himself awake for the dozenth time and found himself hanging by the neck, unable to breathe in. His brain started screaming contradictory orders at him, completely panicking. Kylo grunted and started thrashing from side-to-side in his restraints, blind with panic, his only thought to get oxygen to his brain. He tried to lift his arms, but they wouldn’t cooperate, their scant strength completely bust.

Fireworks of colors began to burst behind his eyes, and Kylo exerted his last bit of strength to force himself back up into a kneeling position. The pressure around his neck slackened, and he heaved breaths through his nose. His chest heaved with coughs that he couldn’t release, and there was a scary moment where he felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue, but at the last moment, he got himself back under control. He knelt with his head down, panting heavily as his thoughts swirled sluggishly around him, the only thought in his head the act of breathing in and out.

His temples pounding from exhaustion and lack of oxygen, Kylo’s thoughts swirled around today. A deep well of self-hatred sprung up inside him. Why did he try to escape? He had it good there for a while, and now he’d ruined it for himself. Escaping never brought him anything but pain. Remembering how coldly Hux had treated him and how he hadn’t said his name once made Kylo shake in fear. Here, at the darkest point of night, he began to worry that he’d lost Hux’s good favor forever, that he would live the rest of his short life like this until he wasted away. At this moment, he would do absolutely _anything_ to be forgiven.

That night was the longest night of Kylo’s life. He couldn’t count the number of times where he would start to drift off and be choked back to wakefulness by his collar. One time, in his confused panic, he’d slammed his broken ankle into the bar, and the resulting rush of pain made him gray out so he hung from his neck again. He almost didn’t make it back into position again. After that, he knelt panting for a very long time, desperate to stay awake. The pain from his ankle and the beating, the pressure around his neck, the cold, the aching in his muscles, the exhaustion, the humiliation of being left like this all combined to make him retreat deep inside himself. Somehow, he lasted the night.

When light began to creep back into the horizon, Kylo had to clamp his eyes shut for a while, as even that small scant bit of light pounded in his head like a jackhammer. He was desperate for a drink of water.

He waited there, miserably, for Hux to come back.

An hour or two after sunrise, the sound of the yard door opening made Kylo perk up. He tried to look behind him, but there wasn’t room. The slow footsteps of Hux came around, and he walked up to Kylo, looking him up and down. Hux was still in his pajamas and bathrobe holding a cup of coffee, looking remarkably at ease.

Kylo stared at him with pleading, bloodshot eyes. He pressed his nose against the bars and whined deep in his throat, long past feeling self-conscious. Hux walked up to him and put a hand out. Kylo thought he was going to pet him or something, but instead he pinched Kylo’s nostrils closed. Kylo blinked a moment and then tried to pull away. He was slow to panic, but panic he did. His lungs screamed for air, and Kylo tried without success to pull away. Hux held him there for about a minute before letting him go. Then, without a word, he stood and went back to the house.

Kylo waited desperately for him to come back, but as the minutes ticked away, he had to accept that maybe he wouldn’t. When he heard the sound of the car pulling out of the driveway on the other side of the house, tears rose unbidden to his eyes. He had to expend all of his effort into not sobbing, because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to breathe. He had never felt so miserable in his entire life.

As the rest of the day ticked by, his various ailments took their turns to overwhelm him. First was his ankle, a sick, hot throbbing that felt like it was moving up his leg. Eventually, it buzzed like it had fallen asleep and lost feeling. This was probably worrying, but such a relief right now that Kylo couldn’t expend the effort of worrying about it. Thirst roared up then, his parched throat uncomfortable, even the act of breathing hurt. His jaw was a locus of pain from being held open that only contributed to his exhaustion headache. Holding his mouth open only served to make his mouth even more dry. His muscles and joints, already weakened from the beating, began to tremble constantly from the strain of being held in one position for so long. His absolute fatigue became worse and worse as the day went on, and he hung there, panting from the effort of just staying up and awake.

Eventually, dusk came back, and so did Hux. Kylo must have been so exhausted he didn’t hear the car come up, but one moment he was alone, and the next Hux stood in front of him. The effort of raising his head to look at Hux seemed insurmountable. The best he could do was look at Hux’s feet, pacing up to the wooden platform.

Hux knelt down and undid a steel bolt, pulling back a half-door in front of Kylo’s face. Part of the cage door swung away, just enough to give Hux access to his head. Hux didn’t speak, just unlocked the strap holding the ball gag in Kylo’s mouth, unbuckling it and pulling the ball out so it hung from his neck. The ring gag still held his mouth wide open, and Kylo couldn’t do anything.

Without warning, Hux’s hands appeared in front of him and tilted his chin up. Kylo’s hands clenched into white fists, and he tried in vain to move. Hux lifted a bottle of water, and then water was being poured down his throat. Kylo didn’t know it was coming, so he immediately started to choke. Hux stopped and waited for Kylo to get his breathing under control before doing it again. This time, Kylo somehow managed to swallow, and the water trickled down his throat into his stomach. It was an extremely unpleasant sensation. Hux did it slowly enough that Kylo didn’t need to worry about choking, but it was such an impersonal method that Kylo wanted to curl in on himself. He had absolutely no chance of stopping Hux from doing this. Tears began to fall down his face even though he wasn’t able to make a sound. This entire experience was so horrible he didn’t feel quite able to quantify it.

When Hux was done force-feeding him, Kylo choked again as the ball gag was shoved back in and buckled behind his head. Just like that, he was handled. This entire time, Kylo wasn’t able to catch Hux’s eye, and he never said a word to him.

Kylo had been waiting for the inevitable point where Hux would have to feed him and give him water, hoping for at least a small touch that would convince him that he was someone that Hux was taking care of, no matter how much he might be angry. This treatment, this impersonal handling like an object made Kylo want to curl up and die.

The cage door was closed again and Kylo was left alone.

* * *

The next morning, Hux woke up, made breakfast and read the paper leisurely. He didn’t have to be at work today, but he thought he would take a drive and maybe visit a seafood place on the coast he particularly enjoyed.

After he got dressed, he wandered out to the backyard to check on Kylo. The small cage was almost form-fitting from how little room Kylo was given to move. He was hunched and shivering like some pitiful animal, and he stared up at Hux with desperate, bloodshot eyes. There was very little recognition in them now, as Hux was sure he had passed the point of conscious thought sometime last night.

Hux knew that he was pushing the boundaries of what Kylo could take physically, but he really needed this lesson to sink in. He didn’t just need him to be broken this time, he really needed to understand what the consequences were of escape so that he would never try again. Hux thought that it really might stick this time. Kylo looked absolutely fatigued, eyes dull and limbs trembling almost out of control. Hux was sure that Kylo felt like he hadn’t slept this entire time, although his brain would have shut down for brief periods to give him short bursts of sleep without which he couldn’t still be alive. The lashes he had been given had scabbed over, but the blood was still streaked across his skin in strange splashes, making him look bloodier and wilder than he really was.

Hux repeated the process of giving him water, feeling Kylo’s throat flutter under his grip. He really rather preferred the personal touch, but knew that he had to make a point. If he did this right, he would never have to be so harsh to Kylo again.

When he left, he could hear Kylo whining behind him. He took a drive and spent a leisurely afternoon taking a short hike along the coast and stopping for lunch. All in all, Hux was in a very good mood when he made it back to the house that night.

Kylo was hanging on in the cage as best he could. His hair hung in his face as he panted with the effort of staying up. His arms were trembling so violently that he was knocking himself off balance and making it harder for himself. His expression was very far away and turned in on himself. Hux felt a rush of jealousy. Kylo didn’t get to do that. He wanted him focused on him at all times.

Knowing that he had had enough, Hux unclipped his collar from the lead. Kylo’s arms trembled, but he was still somehow holding himself up. Judging from his thousand-yard stare, he wasn’t even aware enough to know that he could lay down now. Hux unlatched and lifted the cage off of Kylo. Trying his best not to touch Kylo, he unbuckled his arms and legs, leaving him free to move around.

Kylo stared off at a corner of the yard, one eyelid twitching out of exhaustion. He was so far gone that he stayed in that same position.

Hux softened for a moment. All he wanted to do was take Kylo’s face in his hands, carry him inside, and take him to bed. He knew he couldn’t though. He had been far too soft with Kylo so far, and that was how they found themselves in this situation. Kylo needed to earn his affections and his touch. Giving them too freely led to disobedience. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

So despite how much he wanted to softly coax Kylo back to consciousness, he couldn’t. No matter how lovely Kylo looked after a punishment as his attention slowly returned to Hux, face open and pleading, Hux knew he would have to be patient. Discipline was needed.

Hux knelt down and slapped Kylo hard in the face. Pain and surprise flitted across Kylo’s face as he keeled over to one side and collapsed. His ankle was jostled, and a muffled howl of agony came out of his mouth. Kylo rolled onto one side and curled into a ball, hands coming up to cradle his injury. Hux looked at it from a distance. It was swollen and purple, the skin looking mottled and stretched. He would have to set it tonight if he didn’t want it to have permanent damage. He might have left it untended to a little long already, but the punishment had to set in.

“You’re disgusting. Get up.” Hux snapped, waiting for acquiescence. Kylo’s eyes came up to meet his, and there was nothing in them but a blind, feral instinct to survive. He wasn’t totally there, but he could recognize he was receiving orders. Orders he could follow.

Despite his exhaustion, the cold sweat and the way every muscle in his body screamed at him to stay down and rest, Kylo struggled onto his hands and knees again, panting heavily. His bloodshot eyes were trained on Hux’s knees, waiting for direction.

Hux tapped his thigh. “Follow.” He said, and started walking without checking to see if Kylo was following. He knew he was.

Kylo dragged himself behind Hux on hands and knees, knees and shoulders protesting, swollen ankle burning with sick pain. Hux brought him around the house to the concrete patio. He knelt down and screwed the hose into the water faucet, testing the sprayer before snapping his fingers and pointing to a spot about four feet away from him. Kylo crawled there, shoulders hunched.

Hux turned the water on Kylo, who whimpered and cringed at the way the water aggravated his injuries. Slowly Hux walked around him until all the filth and blood was washed away. He then had Kylo follow him back to the wooden platform, washing it off before ordering him back onto it. Kylo collapsed with his head pillowed in his arms, eyes looking off into nothing. He clearly wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, but Hux hadn’t told him to yet, so he waited. There was nothing but Hux now.

Hux came back with a small kit to take care of Kylo’s ankle. Kylo didn’t even seem to notice as he came around and set everything up. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. Hux didn’t give him any warning as he put his hands on his leg, snapping the bone back into alignment. Every muscle in Kylo’s body grew rigid, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he passed out. All the better. Hux took his time making sure the ankle was set properly before wrapping it tightly so that it could begin to heal.

When he was done, he put the cage back over Kylo, not bothering with the rest of the restraints, and went back in to bed.

The next morning, he was planning on feeding Kylo, but when he went to wake him up, it was clear he was totally dead to the world. No amount of threats or sudden pain would wake him up. He was curled into a tight ball, deep, unhealthy circles under his eyes as he slept off the last day. Hux even snaked a hand in to check his pulse, a little worried that he had died in the night.

By the time he came back that evening, Kylo was awake, one eye open blearily as he watched Hux stride up. He was carrying a bowl full of broth he would have to force-feed him. Kylo shuddered and closed his eyes, burrowing deeper into his arms at the sight.

Hux sat down next to the cage, opening up that half-door and tapping the sides. “Up. Now.”

Kylo looked at him then with an expression of exhausted pleading. He softly shook his head.

“I’m not asking. Get on your hands and knees if you don’t want me breaking your other ankle. Or your arm, maybe. And this time I won’t be nice enough to set it afterwards.” Hux threatened.

Kylo’s eyes widened in fear, and he panted as he got up, his head right in front of the half-open door. Hux unbuckled the ball gag again and forced the broth down Kylo’s throat. Kylo gagged on instinct but didn’t move as Hux fed him slowly. Tears slid down his face and he avoided eye contact, hunkering down again after Hux had gagged him again and closed the cage door. His spine was pressed against the bars and so were his forearms, the cage just barely big enough for him to fit in it.

Kylo closed his eyes, but Hux could tell he wasn’t asleep by the way he tensed as Hux walked around the cage. As long as he was still focused on Hux, he was satisfied. He left.

Hux repeated this process over the next few days, letting him out twice to hose him down. Kylo’s hair was getting scraggy again, and he just cowered on the ground and didn’t make eye contact, following any orders he was given but that was all.

Hux figured the lesson had set in, and he went out to Kylo one evening, lifting the cage off of him. Kylo’s skin was scabbed over from the whipping, and gooseflesh covered it from how chilly it was out here. He got on his hands and knees and stared forward, just waiting. The dark circles under his eyes remained.

Hux snapped his fingers to get his attention. “Kylo, come on. It’s about time you made yourself useful.”

Kylo reacted like he had been slapped, jerking and looking up at Hux in shock at the use of his name. Hux had been careful not to use his name or touch him at all, wanting to associate any and all kindness with that kind of treatment. His face was open in such an expression of pathetic hope that his punishment was over.

Kylo started to follow him on his hands and knees, but Hux shook his head. “Stand up, Kylo. You’re not an animal.”

Kylo startled again, but began the arduous process of standing up for the first time in a few days. He used the cage to haul himself to his feet, balancing precariously on his good foot. His legs shook from the strain, and he had to rest for a few minutes to get rid of the cramps and pins and needles that came from his vertical position.

Hux eyed him carefully. “Can you walk?” He asked.

Kylo grimaced, but tried, putting one careful foot down on the ground before crumpling with a choked-off whimper. He held his bad ankle and breathed heavily through his nose.

Hux was just pleased that he had gone that far. He walked forward and grabbed Kylo by the upper arm, pulling him to his feet, firmly but without the intention to hurt. Kylo huffed a noise out through his nose and clung onto Hux, swaying from the pain of the broken ankle and the sudden rush of blood to the head. He stared up at Hux with stars in his eyes. Hux felt a flutter in his chest. He loved to see that expression.

“Okay, we’re taking this slow, come on.” He said, making sure to support nearly all of Kylo’s weight as he hobbled toward the house. It was slow going, and Hux could tell that ankle was going to take a lot of time to get anywhere near okay. Kylo held onto him the whole time like he was worried the contact could be revoked at any second.

Hux led him into the house and into the bathroom, having him sit on the edge of the bathtub, while he filled a glass of water.

“Alright, we’re going to do this slow, because it’s going to hurt, okay? But just stick with it. It’ll be better when it’s over.” Hux said, his hands going towards the back of Kylo’s head. Kylo had his hands clenched on his knees, knuckles turning white with strain, but he nodded.

Hux first unbuckled the ball gag like he had done many times before, laying it aside. He then went to work unlocking and unbuckling the straps on the back of Kylo’s head, coming around and popping the ring gag out from behind Kylo’s teeth, pulling it out of his mouth. A gurgled sound of pain came out of Kylo’s throat, and he kept his mouth open, staring up at Hux in trepidation.

Hux rubbed one of his shoulders comfortingly. “Yeah, sweetheart, it’s going to hurt. Just try and close your mouth for me, okay? Just a little at a time.”

Kylo clenched his eyes closed and started to do so, a little at a time. Hux knew it was going to be agony after so long being held open. Sharp yips of pain came out of Kylo’s mouth, and tears began to streak down his face. When he finally did get his mouth closed, his hands came up to cradle his jaw, and he would have fallen backwards if Hux hadn’t caught him, twisting from side to side and moaning in agony.

Hux supported him, continuing to rub his back. “I know it hurts, Kylo. Just give it a few minutes. This is the worst of the pain. Just ride it out, and it’ll get better soon.”

Kylo kicked his good leg in an unconscious reaction against the pain, his eyes still closed and still holding his lower face like that might help with the pain in his jaw.

After a few minutes, the pain seemed to recede enough that Kylo’s breathing came under control again. Hux hunkered down in front of him. “Okay, now just flex your jaw a little bit. Open and close your mouth, move your jaw from side to side. Let’s get some of that stiffness out.”

Kylo opened his watery eyes and stared balefully at Hux. He was still cradling his jaw. He shook his head.

Hux tightened his grip on his shoulder just enough to hurt. “Kylo…” He warned.

It was enough. Kylo tried, flexing his jaw and working through the pain until it was a dull ache rather than a shooting pain. When he was more stable, Hux nodded in approval, smoothing his hair back and kissing him on the forehead. “Good boy.”

He held out a glass of water, and Kylo took it with shaky hands, tipping it into his mouth and swirling the water around with his tongue rather than risk moving his jaw at all. He tipped his head back and swallowed awkwardly, although he then drank the rest of the glass, even licking the inside of it when he was done. He sighed contentedly.

Hux left the room for a moment and came back with a pair of leather cuffs. Kylo flinched back and looked at him in concern.

“These aren’t part of your punishment.” Hux soothed. “I just want you to be a little more contained from now on. I think I gave you too much free rein before. I’ll get you some for your legs too once your ankle heals up.”

Kylo hardly looked convinced, but he was far past protesting as Hux grabbed first one hand and then the other and fastened his wrists into the cuffs. Like his collar, the leather was sturdy and constricting, with locks built in as well as rings on the side to facilitate tying him down. Once both wrists were fitted with cuffs, Kylo hugged his hands into his chest, looking at them in dull despair. He half-heartedly tried to pull one off, but he knew it was going nowhere.

Hux stood up and offered Kylo a hand. He had considered getting him some crutches, but ultimately decided against it. He wanted Kylo reliant on him to get around the house for now. He started to lead Kylo out into the hall when Kylo silently tugged on one of his shirtsleeves to get his attention.

Hux raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Kylo’s mouth opened like he was about to answer, and then the blinding pain in his jaw reminded him that he wasn’t supposed to talk. He grimaced. He pointed at Hux’s shirt and pants with a questioning expression on his face, and then down at himself. He was still completely naked.

Hux couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t think you’ve quite earned it, have you?”

Kylo blushed red and dropped his eyes.

Hux led him out into the hallway and back to the kitchen. “Well, it’s getting late, you might as well start on dinner.”

Kylo looked at him in question, clinging onto the counter for support.

“Surprise me,” Hux smiled.

Kylo stared, his eyes a little out of focus, hair hanging in his face. He looked absolutely exhausted. After days of pure survival, asking him to make a decision might be too much.

Kylo looked listlessly about him for cooking supplies, and ended up boiling some noodles. Kylo wasn’t a great cook, and Hux knew that. He just wanted to see what he would come up with. He sat back with a glass of wine and calmly watched Kylo work.

He was still weak after being immobile for the better part of the week, and his broken ankle really slowed him down. He had to hold on to the counter with a death grip whenever he moved anywhere, limping along on his good foot to reach the colander and bowls and silverware.

Halfway through making dinner, Kylo finally lost his balance and bashed his forearm against the counter. He choked out a cry and looked down. He’d aggravated some of the marks left from the whipping, and blood started seeping from the opened scab. His eyes found Hux’s in a panic, but Hux merely raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘_figure it out yourself_’. Kylo’s eyes darted around the kitchen before grabbing a hand towel and pressing it against his arm. Blood began dotting the towel right away, but Kylo worked grimly through it.

By the time he brought Hux some dinner, Kylo was looking gray and unsteady on his feet. The past few days had really been taking a toll on him, and it was starting to show. He was much skinnier now, the bags under his eyes were just not going away, and the red-purple scabs left crisscrossed over his body gave him a strange look. There were marks along his jaw and over his ears where the gag had dug into his skin. Those might end up bruising.

Kylo set the bowl of noodles down in front of Hux. His knees buckled and he fell into the seat next to Hux. Hux might have let that one slide, as it was an accident, but it took a look from Hux for Kylo to scramble back to his feet. His mouth opened again to give an excuse, but he whimpered and grabbed his jaw again, having forgotten the pain.

He stood there awkwardly while Hux took his first few bites. Hux watched as he carefully peeled off the towel from his arm after seeing that it had stopped bleeding. He looked at Hux silently, clearly wondering what to do with it now.

Hux kept eating. “I don’t know what you expect me to do with a bloody rag.”

Kylo seemed to realize that he was just carrying around a nice towel that he had bled all over. He blanched, and started the long process of grabbing onto a chair so he could move toward the counter and towards the laundry room next door. Hux let him get halfway across the room before calling to him. “Where do you think you’re going?” He called.

Kylo did his best to spin around, looking remarkably guilty. He held the towel in one hand, the other in a death grip on the edge of the wall. He looked bewildered, searching Hux’s face for clues as to how to react.

“But it’s-” His voice came out rusty, and to his credit, he immediately realized what he’d done, eyes widening in shock. “_Oh!_ Sor-” Kylo clamped his lips shut. An expression of the purest self-loathing crossed his face and he sunk down on the ground, his bad ankle stretched out in front of him. His other knee was pulled up in a half-hearted attempt to maintain some modesty.

Hux acted as if he wasn’t even paying attention. He continued to eat slowly and methodically, every few bites taking a few sips of wine. After a minute or so, he glanced back over. Kylo was bent over sobbing silently. Tears fell down his face, and his cheeks were red from the effort of keeping quiet. He had his mouth pressed into the inside of his elbow to keep from making any sound.

“Kylo, stand up.” Hux broke the silence.

Kylo lifted his head with what looked like a monumental effort and used his arms to awkwardly pull himself to his feet, carefully balancing the broken ankle under him. He stood there, head down.

“Put the towel down and come here. It would have been better if you had used napkins or something disposable, but what’s done is done. I’ll just have to wash that before I go to bed, I suppose.” Hux said.

He could practically see the thoughts bouncing around in Kylo’s head, kicking himself for the mistake. The bleeding had stopped, but blood still streaked his arm.

Hux had him kneel down next to his chair and began feeding him bite by bite. “You haven’t earned yourself a good dinner, but you have to eat something tonight. You are just skin and bones.”

Kylo took the food with a mix of contrition and gratitude. He knew he had done something wrong, but he wasn’t being banished outside immediately. In this moment, he was willing to take whatever Hux gave him. It took a moment for Hux to register what Kylo’s expression reminded him of. It was the face of a contrite worshipper at the food of their god. He shivered at the thought.

He thought that this time, truly, for good, he had finally succeeded in breaking Kylo. He would wait to see how Kylo behaved in the coming days, but looking down at his exhausted, pale face, Kylo had been emptied of everything, of thought and voice and will. His eyes were dull, his body moving automatically in response to Hux. He existed only now to do Hux’s will. The Kylo that had existed before had certainly not survived the past couple days. The only question that remained now was what Kylo would emerge on the other side of this. He could break into a thousand pieces, become a shivering, useless wreck. Or, he’d turn toward Hux and open to him, accept the kindness he was willing to offer under the conditions of complete surrender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, so this was a long one. I would definitely say this chapter was a real significant turning point. This is kind of the end of "Part 1" of this fic. Things are going to change soon...
> 
> Also, by the next time I update the new movie will be out! Honestly, all I want is for Kylo to lose it and kill a lot of people, for the Original Trio (TM) to get back together, and for any mention of Leia at all to make me cry a lot.


	18. Chapter 18

After dinner, Hux brought Kylo into the living room, holding onto one arm to let him hobble his way in. He sat down on the couch and Kylo got down on the ground. He didn’t so much fall to his knees as collapse on the ground, his bad foot stretched out behind him. He stared off into the middle distance, completely exhausted but still trying to participate.

Hux leaned forward. “Kylo. Eyes up here.” He snapped his fingers, and Kylo wearily raised his eyes to Hux’s.

“Now, I want things to get back to normal. I want to trust you again, but I’m afraid there’s going to be a long road to get back to that point. I won’t lie to you. I’m still very angry and, frankly, hurt, by what you decided to do.” Hux said.

Kylo hunched his shoulders and tried to drop his eyes again before Hux forced him to look up again.

“I’m not willing to give up on you, I promise you that, but I’m not going to be as lenient as I was in times past. You have punishment on three counts coming your way tonight.” Hux said.

Kylo blanched and he would have tried to get away if Hux didn’t hold onto him by the wrist. He could feel his charge trembling, his fingers flexing in obvious distress.

Hux held up his hand to count them off. “You’ve only been free for the span of an evening, but already you’ve sat in a chair without my permission, spoken even though I don’t think I could have any more expressly warned you against it, and bloodied a nice dishtowel instead of using some rags as would be sensible. As well as trying to escape in the first place. For that, I think some routine punishment for a while will be good to just demonstrate to you the immediate consequences of disobedience.”

Kylo stared up at him with anxiety, still trying to get away, but not very hard. His eyes slid over to the closet where he knew Hux stored the whip he’d used the other night and he cringed. A noise of anguish seemed caught in his throat.

Hux took a moment to slide his eyes over the crisscrossing wounds all over Kylo’s body. They would take time to heal, and they would most definitely leave scars. From the trembling pulse he could feel under his fingertips and the full battery of physical hardship he’d put Kylo through these past few days, he knew that Kylo wouldn’t be able to physically manage another beating. He was hanging on by a thread as it was.

Hux didn’t loosen his grip, but he did soften his voice just the tiniest bit. “No, not that. There’s more than one way to make sure you’ve learned your lesson.”

He released Kylo then and reached behind him to where he had a pile of books and placed them in front of Kylo. They were the series of books he’d bought for Kylo to read after he’d behaved himself. Kylo looked down at them and one hand rose almost longingly before he put it back down.

“Rip them up.” Hux ordered.

Kylo’s eyes leapt back to his face in shock, and he shook his head, balking at the idea.

Hux was fast. He snaked a hand back and yanked hard on Kylo’s hair, pulling a yelp out of him. “You have no idea how lenient I’m being with you right now. I can devise punishments far worse than this, and you should be groveling at my knees in gratitude. Got it?” He hissed, giving Kylo’s head one more vicious shake and then letting him go.

That blank look of utter despair crossed Kylo’s face again. He nodded his head dumbly and looked down at the task ahead of him.

“And one more thing before you start. I’m getting really tired of having to repeat myself when I give you an order. From now on, you do what you’re told, the first time you’re told, or you’ll be punished. It’s never something you can get out of, so I don’t know why you insist on wasting my time with your childish behavior.” Hux said, injecting steel into his tone.

Kylo hunched his shoulders and picked up one of his books. This one was well-read, thumbed through over the course of many nights. Hux could almost see him remembering how comparatively nice everything had been then.

With shaking hands, Kylo opened the cover and oh so carefully began to rip the first page out. He did it almost delicately, as if he were trying to damage the book as little as possible. He laid the page down on the floor when he was done and then moved onto the second page, moving as slow as molasses. When he was done with the second page, he placed it neatly on top of the first, in an orderly pile.

“No…” Hux warned him. “I didn’t tell you to set the pages aside, I told you to rip them up. Like you mean it.”

Kylo ripped the next page off with a sudden violence that almost seemed to surprise himself. He was holding three-quarters of a page, the rest still sticking out of the book like an awkward loose end. He held the crumpled piece of paper in his fist and looked up at Hux with wide eyes, searching for approval. Hux nodded encouragingly.

Kylo kept going, this time just tearing pages out as fast as he could, like the job would be easier to bear if it were done quickly. Pages were shorn off and dropped around him like a perversion of wrapping paper strewn about. When he finished the first book, Hux handed him the second without a word.

Kylo grimly focused on destroying the books, the only positive thing he’d gotten from Hux this entire time. By the time he was on the second book, his eyes were swimming with tears.

Hux handed him a third, and by this time, Kylo had started to slow down, as if this were all really sinking in for him. He had a strange look on his face, bared teeth and hands in claws. He ripped every page like it was something much more decisive than a piece of paper. He had a look of strong loathing about him, but for once, Hux didn’t think it was directed at him. Instead, it seemed self-directed. Hux could only hope Kylo would internalize the blame for what was happening to him. He kept looking at Hux in slight hope like he’d tell him to stop. Hux didn’t say anything.

Kylo wiped his nose with his arm and kept going, his hands shaking worse and worse the more he did it. His eyes were swimming, but he let out a short, angry growl every time he ripped a page. His shoulders shook as he destroyed book after book, his pace slowing but not stopping.

After he’d destroyed five books, Hux tugged lightly on the ring on the back of Kylo’s collar to stop him. Kylo halted immediately, dropping the book in his hands and staring at the strewn paper all around him. His trembling hands came out as if to gather all the crumpled paper closer to him.

“I’ll save the rest of these for another night.” Hux noted, looking at the pile of books still sitting next to him.

Kylo just stared down at the paper, waiting for another command, sniffling and wiping his nose every few seconds.

Hux patted his lap. “Up.”

Kylo shuddered, but did not wait to be told twice this time, getting up onto his knees and clambering up onto Hux’s lap, favoring his bad ankle.

Hux used the collar to position Kylo how he wanted him, over his lap with his knees on the cushion behind him, his broken ankle carefully positioned so there was no pressure on it. Hux pressed down between his shoulder blades until Kylo was supporting his weight on his elbows. He kept nervously looking back at Hux, plainly still afraid that he was going to pull out the whip again.

“Eyes forward.” Hux snapped, and Kylo complied.

Hux wasn’t planning on using anything more than his hand tonight. In the state Kylo was in, this would be more than sufficient. “Now, how many do you think you deserve?” Hux asked him.

Kylo jerked in confusion, his head turning to look back before he remembered the order. He stared straight ahead. Hux could practically see the gears turning.

“You’re going to let me know when you’ve had enough. Plainly, something I’ve been doing hasn’t sunk in, so you’re going to let me know when you’ve learned your lesson. But if you give up too soon, I’ll know, and that will only make your punishment that much worse. Understand?”

Kylo was tensed as tight as a bowstring. He nodded cautiously.

“All right.” Hux said, knowing that this only meant that Kylo would hang in long past his point of endurance, never certain how much would be enough for Hux, but not wanting to risk failure and something even worse. In essence, he’d be torturing himself.

Hux drew back, and hit him hard on the ass. Kylo jumped and yelped, but didn’t move. There weren’t very many whip marks on his backside, because Hux had tried to distribute that evenly throughout his body. This was the only reason why he knew Kylo would be able to take this. In Kylo’s physical state, he wasn’t planning on going very far at all. Just enough to make a point.

He kept going, again and again, until Kylo’s skin was raised red and angry. Kylo writhed underneath him, forehead pressed against the couch and fists clenched with the effort of not moving. Hoarse squawks of pain escaped his mouth whenever Hux hit him. Sweat dripped under his collar and down his neck.

Hux hit him so hard his entire body jolted forward, and Kylo had to catch himself on his elbows. He let out an aborted scream. His eyes were clenched shut and his breathing unsteady. Hux knew he was close to the breaking point. It didn’t take long at all, as Kylo was already close to the edge as it was.

Hux kept going for another few minutes. Kylo’s entire backside and backs of his thighs were an angry, painful red. Kylo had reached the point where he would let out something between a scream and a sob after every strike, but he didn’t try to get away. His head was down, and he looked completely defeated. Hux expected him to ask for a reprieve now and was prepared to give it to him. He’d already well exceeded the amount of strikes he’d been planning on giving.

Kylo didn’t. He had his fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, digging into the leather of the collar with a taut grip. At a certain point, he stopped even screaming, just let out a breathy gasp after every hit.

Hux frowned, slowing to a halt. Kylo lay under him, trembling and gasping, sounding like he was barely holding onto consciousness. He was drenched in sweat and seemed like he was coming apart at the seams.

“Have you had enough?” Hux asked him. The question was not leading, although it sounded that way.

It almost seemed for a moment that Kylo hadn’t heard him. He had his forehead pressed into the cushions, and his erratic breathing just kept going. He was clearly expending every ounce of effort in his body on just surviving. There wasn’t a whole lot left for thought.

Hux put a hand on his shoulder. “Kylo.”

Even though he couldn’t see his face, Hux could still watch the process of Kylo pulling himself out of the headspace he’d had to go into to endure that punishment. He jerked and lifted his head slightly, although he didn’t forget the order to keep his eyes forward. He shrugged, the message clear even without words: _You tell me_.

Hux was glad that Kylo wasn’t looking at him so he didn’t have to hide his surprise. It was at that moment that he truly knew he’d finally succeeded in really breaking Kylo, even if Kylo might not even know it yet. Given an out, he didn’t take it, waiting for Hux’s orders. Hux almost wished he didn’t have to give him even more punishment after that, but he’d promised, and he needed to stay consistent, even though his anger at this point had cooled.

“You’re done.” Hux murmured, thumbs rubbing into his shoulders comfortingly. Kylo tucked his elbows in and put his head back down, and heaved in a huge, unsteady breath. For the next few minutes, he didn’t do anything but just breathe. Hux let him have the reprieve, sensing that he needed it. Hux massaged his shoulders, not saying anything, just letting Kylo come back to himself.

Hux was suddenly overwhelmed by soft affection for Kylo. He was his, only his, and it seemed he’d finally recognized the fact, if not consciously then in the back of his mind. He wanted to take him upstairs to bed and just hold him for the night, but he knew he couldn’t. Hux himself was constrained by the rules he’d set, and he knew it was for the best. If he wanted this mindset to stick, he needed to stick to the program. Perhaps the rest of the punishment could wait for the morning, however.

“All right, you’ve already had a long day. I think I’m going to put you out, and we’ll finish your punishment tomorrow. I can tell you need a break.” Hux said.

Kylo tensed at the idea of being put back outside, but otherwise he didn’t react. Hux lifted him up into a bridal carry and took him outside. Kylo clung onto him, forehead pressed into Hux’s shoulder, seeking some kind of comfort. Any kind he could get.

Hux didn’t bother with any of the restraints beyond the cage, just setting Kylo down on the ground and bidding him to crawl into the middle of the platform. Kylo followed instructions, shoulders hunched and eyes down. Hux brought the cage down on top of him and locked it into place. He stood there watching Kylo for a few minutes before going inside. Kylo hunkered down as best he could and immediately shut his eyes, falling into sleep at a speed that only someone truly exhausted could manage.

* * *

Kylo awoke slowly with none of the sweet amnesia that usually accompanies waking up. He remembered everything, he knew where he was and that today would contain even more pain. He had been trying his best over the past few days to just weather everything, and he didn’t know how much more he could handle. He fully regretted his escape attempt. It had done nothing but bring him grief. It was stupid, like he thought he could just simply walk away from Hux with no consequences. He felt like he’d aged a decade between then and now.

He took his few moments of peace, staring dully out of the bars of the cage. It was cold out here, damp, and unpleasant. He looked longingly back at the house, where it was warm. He thought about being in Hux’s bed, unhappy but at least comfortable. He scrubbed a hand against his face, wishing he was in there instead. His desire to be outside of Hux’s house had completely evaporated. Maybe for good.

His ankle was still throbbing. It was still held straight, so it would eventually heal, but he wished dearly for some kind of painkillers. He hoped that Hux might take pity on him and give him some. If he hadn’t been so bone-tired, he might not have been able to fall asleep because of the agony in his foot. The pain was probably why he’d awoken so early. He thought back with almost contempt for himself before all this, when he was nineteen and had to take painkillers for a dislocated shoulder. He had no idea back then how bad pain could get. These days, he was intimately familiar with pain.

Eventually, Hux came out and let him out of the cage. Kylo clung to him as he limped his way inside the house, bad ankle dragging behind him. Hux had him make breakfast and then kneel beside him on the ground as he fed him. Kylo didn’t feel the slightest bit hungry, but he obediently opened his mouth and chewed the food that came his way.

After cleaning up the kitchen, Hux brought Kylo upstairs to the bathroom. Kylo faltered, a little confused. He assumed he was going to be punished again, not allowed to bathe. It was only when he entered the bathroom that he realized what was going to happen.

The bathtub was full of water, and a short chain was wrapped around the sturdy faucet. Kylo’s heart started pounding, and he halted in his tracks. Was Hux going to drown him? Surely not.

“Get in the water. Head near the faucet. I’ll be right back.” Hux demanded absently before leaving the room. Kylo stared apprehensively at the water, worried it was going to be burning hot, but when he dipped a hand in, he realized it was lukewarm. Knowing that he had better be in the tub by the time Hux got back, he carefully sat on the edge of the tub and swung his legs over. Not liking the look of the chain, he put one foot in, and then the other, lowering himself into the water. It felt backwards to put his head near the faucet, but he did.

He stretched his good foot out, but the tub was so big that he didn’t reach unless he completely submerged himself in the water. He noticed with unease that there was very little purchase in the tub, and he had to hold onto the sides.

Hux came back with a bowl full of something, setting it down on the sink before turning to Kylo. He looked at him coolly, taking a moment to roll up his shirtsleeves, and sitting down next to the tub. Kylo looked at him warily, worried but knowing there was nothing he could do about it.

“Hands.” Hux said unceremoniously, and Kylo lifted his wrists reluctantly. Hux affixed the chain to his pre-cuffed wrists, leaving him dangling from the tub’s faucet. Kylo swallowed nervously, holding himself up fine for the moment, but sure that wasn’t going to last.

Since the tub was so big, Kylo’s choices were to slide down so his head was underwater, his toes were barely touching the tub’s edge, and he was dangling from his wrists. The other option was to use his muscles to hold himself above water. This wasn’t difficult for the moment, but his arms would quickly grow tired, and he’d slip under the water if he wasn’t careful. The way the short chain was affixed to his wrists, Kylo had no way of grabbing onto the faucet. He was just left to dangle.

Kylo looked up at Hux, wishing desperately that he could beg. He would more than beg, he would grovel at this moment. He was already so tired, he was already so sorry about what he’d done, all he wanted to do was rest. He knew that wasn’t in the cards. Hux was right. He’d made the decision to run away when he very clearly knew the rules, and now he had to face the consequences. In a way, he supposed, it was fair.

Hux watched him for a few moments just getting used to the situation before grabbing something from the bowl and holding it up. It was a large ice cube. Kylo frowned in confusion.

“Open up.” Hux demanded, shoving the ice cube into Kylo’s mouth. The shock of the cold as well as how big it was made Kylo choke and immediately try to spit it out. Hux clapped a hand over his mouth to stop him. On instinct, Kylo thrashed in the water, fighting back and trying to get away, but Hux didn’t let him.

Upon seeing that his struggling wasn’t getting him anywhere, Kylo slowed, heaving a breath through his nose and staring up at Hux. His arms were starting to hurt from holding himself up.

Hux looked down at him, his hand still clasped over his mouth. “If you spit that out, I’m leaving you here all night. So think carefully.”

He let go of Kylo, sitting back and watching him to see what he would do. Kylo squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back. It didn’t take long before the chill of the ice started to burn. He whimpered and swallowed reflexively as the pain from the ice started to work its way through his tongue and up into his temples. He kind of felt like his head was going to explode, but he spent so much energy concentrating on not spitting the ice out, that his feet slipped and he slid underneath the water.

Kylo spluttered and yanked himself back out of the water, wishing he could just hang onto the faucet with his fingers. Water filled his mouth, and he fought the conflicting urges to cough up the water and keep the ice in his mouth as ordered. He choked for a few seconds, eyes watering and lungs aching before getting himself back under control. He had to keep swallowing, head tilted back a little and mouth open in a vain attempt to reduce the amount of skin he had touching the ice. The ice burned his tongue and the roof of his mouth. The pain was even spreading out to his temples. There was a scary moment where he thought he was choking, and he pulled himself up to spit the ice out before hitting his head on the faucet. He fell back again, spluttering and choking. Luckily, that made him remember himself, and he managed not to spit it out.

After a while, the pain reached a dull roar in his head. He relaxed his arms and held his head out of the water with his shoulders, which began to ache almost right away but was okay for a few seconds. Once the ice cube reached a manageable size in his mouth, the pain from the ice almost seemed distant and far away.

By the time it melted, his arms were trembling from the strain of staying up, and his head kept dipping below the water. Hux saw he was done with the first ice cube and shoved the second one in his mouth without warning. Kylo struggled with the size of this one, which seemed to be two stuck together. It touched new parts of his mouth that hadn’t been touched by the freeze. His head was starting to throb in time with his weakening arm muscles.

Kylo tried his best, but every few seconds, he’d fall back into the water, swallowing a mouthful of warm bath water and coming up gasping for air. By the time the two ice cubes melted enough to separate and move about his mouth, it was getting hard to concentrate on holding himself up _and_ not spitting the ice out. His arms trembled visibly, and he twisted his wrists in their restraints in a vain attempt to get some angle where he could hold onto the faucet. No luck there.

Kylo tried hanging from his arms below the water for a minute at a time, reducing the strain on his aching arms and letting the warm bath water melt the ice faster, only coming up for air every thirty seconds or so like a diver.

Hux caught onto that pretty quick. He allowed Kylo to do that once or twice, but right after shoving a fresh ice cube into Kylo’s mouth, he reached into the tub and wrapped his hand around Kylo’s broken ankle, squeezing and yanking him forward so he fell under again.

Kylo screamed in agony before falling under the tub with a splash. His broken ankle flared in agony, sending panicked bursts of pain all the way up his leg and spine. He struggled under the water, finally getting his brain to work right and pulling himself out of the water, arms trembling worse than ever and gasping, letting out short sobs of pain.

Hux leaned on the edge of the tub. With his sleeves pushed up and hair gently falling over his face, he looked the very picture of relaxed. “I would suggest you don’t play games with me. If you’ll recall, that’s exactly how you found yourself in this situation to begin with. Where’s the ice? I told you not to spit it out.”

Kylo looked around with streaming eyes, trying to just _think_ around the agony, but the ice Hux had pressed into his mouth was long melted in the bathwater. He cringed, knowing he’d fucked up.

“We’ll just do this a little longer, then. No matter to me.” Hux said, shoving a huge piece of ice into Kylo’s mouth.

They kept going for a while there. Hux forced Kylo to go through five more pieces of ice. By the end of it, he could barely hold his head up. His shaking arms felt like noodles, and they’d completely given up on holding his weight. Without a grip in the tub, Kylo was forced to hold his chin onto the tub’s side and have his good foot precariously holding up the rest of his body. He breathed out through his nose through a haze of cold and aching muscles. The freezing cold of the ice along with the warmth of the bathwater confused his overtired brain. The only way he made it through the last two ice cubes were by looking at Hux. Hux stayed through the whole thing, looking at him steadily, and despite everything, being a calming force.

Hux put the last ice cube in Kylo’s mouth. Kylo was accommodating, opening his mouth to make it easy on Hux, his chin hooked onto the edge of the tub to keep himself up. His brain buzzed with a numbing confusion of sensation. He looked at Hux, trying to puzzle out his true feelings. Hux was blank-faced, but Kylo imagined he saw satisfaction in his face, pleased with how well Kylo was doing. At least he hoped that was what Hux was feeling. At this point, he was desperate for any hint of approval whatsoever.

The ice melted. Kylo’s entire mouth and throat were numb. Hux reached over and pet his hair, softly pushing strands of hair back from his face. Kylo’s eyes lidded in exhausted relief. Hux still wanted him. This was proof. There would be an end to this soon, if he could just prove to Hux the depth of his contrition.

Eventually, Kylo lost his grip and sunk into the tub again. This time, he couldn’t gather the energy to pull himself out again. He was just too tired, his arms were in agony. He was under for about forty-five seconds before he started to panic, screaming out bubbles and kicking at the surface, trying to get Hux’s attention.

Just when black spots were beginning to dance in his vision, Hux put a hand in and lifted Kylo out of the tub by his collar. No more ice was shoved into his mouth.

Kylo coughed and spluttered for a long time until he got his breath back. His mouth was almost completely numb by then, and he sat still while Hux unhooked his wrists from the chain, letting them plop into the water by his sides. He then kept a supporting hand behind Kylo’s head while he drained the water. Kylo sat there dully watching the water drain out, every few seconds letting out a watery burp he couldn’t control. He thought he might be crying, but wasn’t sure. Every time he thought there was no way he could get any more exhausted, Hux topped him. Some of the water draining out of the tub was red. He’d opened some of the scabs from his whipping the other day, and they were bleeding again.

Hux held out a hand. “Up.” He ordered.

With arms that felt like they had no strength left in them, Kylo reached up and held on with a loose grip, putting all his weight on his good foot as Hux lifted him to his feet. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to have any desire to trip him flat on his face. He fully supported his weight as he stepped out of the tub onto solid ground.

Kylo wavered and collapsed to sit on the toilet lid, his arms and legs noodly and weak. He looked up hopefully for just a little bit of comfort, some reassurance maybe that he’d bore up under his punishment, that he’d done well. Hux tossed a towel indifferently onto his lap. “Dry yourself off, go to the bathroom, and brush your teeth. You have five minutes.”

Kylo hugged the towel to him and nodded, dropping his eyes. He had absorbed the lesson here. No talking, ever. No fighting. Accept what Hux gave him and not expect anything more. Hux left the room, not even waiting to see if Kylo would comply.

He followed instructions as well as he could, fighting against the pulsing agony in his ankle and his mounting exhaustion. When he was done, he took the effort to hang the towel up, neat and straight. He was about to sit down on the edge of the tub again but thought better of it. If he couldn’t talk, he’d find another way to prove to Hux that he’d absorbed the lesson, that he had had enough. He got down on the ground and knelt, with difficulty finding a position that didn’t aggravate his ankle. He waited, shoulders hunched.

Hux came back in, slow footsteps stopping right in front of him. Kylo didn’t raise his eyes from his feet, waited silently. He hoped wildly that Hux was pleased with this, but without seeing his face, he couldn’t say for sure.

Hux’s hand came down and tugged him to his feet with a finger through one ring of his collar. Kylo spluttered and choked, rushing to get up and in the process jarring his ankle. He whimpered in pain, but immediately clamped his mouth closed so he didn’t accidentally let out a curse.

Hux tipped his chin up and looked into his eyes. Kylo tried to avoid his gaze, but Hux slapped him lightly on the cheek until he complied. Kylo bit his lip, uncomfortable with the closeness and unsure of what Hux was looking for. He felt fuzzy and strange from the ordeal in the tub, and he had a hard time focusing. After a time, Hux let him go and stepped back, seemingly satisfied.

He led Kylo into the bedroom and sat him down on the floor, disappearing for a moment. When he came back, he was carrying some sort of basket. Kylo tensed, foreseeing some other creative form of punishment, but when Hux set it down next to him, he saw it was only clean laundry.

“Fold the laundry. When you’re done, I have some other things for you to do.” Hux said before leaving the room.

The rest of the day was spent on doing chores he was able to do without moving his ankle. There was one scary moment where Kylo heard Hux coming down the hall and realized he’d fallen asleep where he sat. He managed to sit up and look busy by the time Hux turned the corner, but it was a close thing. Around dinner, Hux had him make dinner, kneeling him down and feeding him.

After cleaning up, Hux took him into the living room and forced him to rip up more of his books. It was a little easier this time, although Kylo still felt broken up about it. By the time he was done, he’d destroyed about two-thirds of the books. He stared numbly at the scattered pages as Hux cleaned them up. He wondered if he’d ever be allowed to read again.

After that, he pulled him onto his lap and spanked him again, hard and long enough to leave red, painful welts behind. Kylo buried his head in his arm and sobbed, but managed not to utter a word. Just because he was getting used to this horrible kind of punishment didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Before putting him out for the night, Hux took him into the kitchen where he checked him over to make sure all the whip marks were healing correctly and there were no infections. The scabs were slow to heal, but some of them were starting to develop scar tissue underneath. He then checked Kylo’s ankle, which still throbbed and ached, but wasn’t quite in agony any longer. It was held straight, and the healing process seemed to be progressing. He didn’t get anything for the pain.

Kylo had been hoping he’d be able to sleep in Hux’s room again, but instead he was put back in the cage outside, where it was cold and damp. He hunkered down miserably as the cage was locked for the night.

Over the next few days, they kept going in that same pattern. Some days, Kylo was left out in the cage for almost the full day as Hux was presumably elsewhere. He became used to waiting on his hands and knees, shivering, for hours on end for Hux to come home. He’d become used to not wearing any clothes, although he longed desperately for some kind of covering, just for the chill.

Hux would feed him quickly in the morning, have him do various chores around the house, cook dinner, and then take him to the living room for routine punishment. After all the books had been torn up, there wasn’t anything to take its place, but the nightly beating continued. It was never very much or very long, but as a result, Kylo was very sore.

Slowly, Kylo found himself sinking into a fog. He floated for long periods of time in a fuzzy no-space, trying his best not to feel or think about anything when he was left alone. When Hux was there, he expended just enough energy to listen to instructions, and do whatever Hux asked. He moved about like a doll, senseless to anything but Hux. It got to the point where he didn’t have a spare thought in his head besides Hux’s orders, what Hux wanted, getting back in Hux’s good graces. He didn’t move if Hux didn’t say so, didn’t resist in any way. Didn’t talk.

The long period of punishment had finally succeeded at the process Hux had been forcing on him for months: it finally broke him. It was more than the pain, although that was significant. It was going from Hux loving him to hating him in a very short span. And it was all his own damn fault. If he hadn’t tried to escape, he could have stayed happy, or as happy as he could be.

Kylo came to a slow realization. Whether he liked it or not, Hux was the only thing he had now, the only important thing in his life. He wasn’t going to be rescued. If somebody was coming for him, they would have found him by now. He’d been forgotten and abandoned by his family. Even if he managed to ask someone else for help, they would react with disgust and indifference like that clerk. They would just drag him back to Hux and throw him at his feet, where he belonged. He wasn’t going to try to escape anymore. The cost was too high, and he was out of ideas. So, he was here, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He could either have Hux love him or hurt him, and it all depended on how he chose to behave. Kylo _never_ wanted to be hurt like that again. Nothing was worth being tortured like that. Nothing, not even freedom. If that meant rolling over and surrendering his pride and dignity, so what? It wasn’t getting him anywhere anyway.

During this month period, a slow change came over Kylo. He chose to see the good in Hux where he could. He was done fighting. It was time to admit he’d been defeated. Hux could be kind when Kylo was good, so he was good. Hux liked it when he was quiet, so he was quiet. He took any possible opportunity to touch Hux, relishing the small, gentle brushes of skin he’d get back, treasuring any positive affirmation or smile sent his way, no matter how cold or small. He would take what he could get, because he didn’t get much.

In this time, it sometimes felt like he was locked behind a cloudy pane of glass. There were people on the other side, like his mother and Rey, even himself. They were pounding on the glass, trying to tell him something. Something about continuing to fight, to keeping his wits about him. Concepts that were absolutely foreign and useless to him now. There was absolutely nothing left in Kylo that had the energy to do that anymore. What was the point? What did it get him, except for heartbreak? He was a shell, a flower that could only dumbly turn toward the sun for sustenance, rooted in place, vulnerable to outside forces.

Hux watched Kylo carefully over this period of time, certain that this time, he really had broken Kylo. For good. He would do whatever he asked now, no questions asked. Kylo floated in his depressed, zombified state, face blank. Whenever Hux told him to do something, Kylo would blink owlishly at him, taking a long time to surface from whatever limbo he’d been in before. He never had to be punished for breaking the rules, because he never did anything besides what Hux expressly told him to do.

Hux thought it was about time to start easing off of him and bring him back into the house, to fully forgive him, but he had one more test. One night, he brought Kylo outside for the night and had him lay down, but he didn’t tie him down or lock him in the cage. He just left him there, completely free to run away, to flee into the woods if he so wished. Kylo lay down and closed his eyes almost like he didn’t even notice.

That night, Hux stayed up watching Kylo from the second floor, making sure to keep everything dark so Kylo wouldn’t know he was observed. Kylo didn’t move from where Hux had put him all night long. That was when Hux truly knew he had won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe this thing is almost at 100k words? Wow. Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for this chapter: I apologize for the Big Spoilers, but I wanted to be very clear up front. Note that Extremely Dubious Consent tag up top. Here it is. Capital E, capital D, lowercase c. Kylo does consent, but, well, you've read the rest of this thing. Skip everything after the line break if you need to.

After about a fortnight, Hux decided to start easing Kylo back into the house. The ankle had healed enough so that Kylo could walk around on his own, although there was a limp that would probably never go away. The scabs all over his body from the whip marks scarred over, leaving crisscrossing white scars all over his skin that Hux found very appealing.

Hux brought Kylo into the house one morning, having him sit at the table. Kylo sat there blankly, hands at his sides, staring at the floor. He was very skinny now, the dark circles under his eyes a permanent fixture in his face. His hair had been recently cut, but it stuck up all over the place now.

Hux pulled up a chair in front of him and snapped his fingers until he got Kylo’s attention. “Kylo, honey. Pay attention now.”

Kylo blinked slowly, looking up at Hux with a vague look on his face that was slowly becoming permanent. Hux waited until it seemed like he was focused enough to hear what he was saying.

Hux snapped. “Ankle, please.”

Some awareness came back into Kylo’s eyes. He frowned but did not hesitate, pulling his good foot up and putting it on Hux’s lap. He never hesitated anymore. When Hux said jump, he jumped.

Hux buckled his ankle into one of the leather cuffs that matched the ones on his wrists. He pulled it snug and locked it in place, although there was no way Kylo would try and take it off these days. There were two rings on either side to make it easier to tie Kylo to things. Kylo watched him do this with a dull look on his face, resigned to it.

When he was done, Hux pushed the foot off and beckoned for the other one. Kylo followed orders, his face scrunching up a little. His ankle had healed as well as could be expected without a hospital, although when Hux felt through the skin, he could still feel the slight off-kilter nature of the bone. Hux buckled and locked this ankle into a cuff of its own, letting it down after.

Hux took a moment to admire Kylo. He was marked all over as his. The choke collar, wrist and ankle cuffs were permanent fixtures now, as well as the scars all over. None of this was to mention his behavior, nowhere near the man he was before. Hux felt a thrill.

“Kylo, baby, I’ve been thinking, and I think it’s time I let you have these back. You’ve been so good lately, and I know it’s cold.” Hux held out a small pile of clothes for Kylo to take.

Kylo blinked at them, slow to take them in case it was some sort of trick. Once he felt the soft fabric in his hands, his wide eyes suddenly filled up with tears. He clutched them to his chest, searching Hux’s face for some kind of trick or dishonesty. Not finding any, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his face in his side and starting to cry.

Hux pet his hair softly and massaged his bare back. “Hey, now. It’s okay. I know you’ve been working really hard these past couple of weeks. I wanted to give you something nice.”

Kylo squeezed him harder, an odd, hiccupping sound coming out of his mouth. Kylo had gotten very good at expressing his feelings without words. Most of this involved getting closer to Hux in some way. His gratitude expressed, Kylo pulled back, wiping off tears with the back of his hand.

Eyes shining in frank gratitude, Kylo pulled the clothes to his chest and looked at Hux, eyebrows raised in question.

Hux smiled at him. “Yes, go ahead and put them on here.”

Kylo stood up and got dressed for the first time in a month. His hands were shaking in excitement. He wasn’t quite smiling (Hux didn’t know if Kylo was able to smile anymore), but he was as close to it as he could get.

Kylo first pulled on black briefs and capri-length track pants. Hux had decided he didn’t want Kylo wearing long pants, because he still wanted to see the ankle restraints. There was no point in Kylo wearing them if he couldn’t see them. No socks or shoes were provided, of course, but Kylo pulled on a short-sleeved shirt and then a zip-up hoodie. His face was floating in relief at having something to cover himself with for the first time in a long time.

Hux watched this with a pleased look on his face, a man admiring his property. “Now, dear, you can wear that hoodie because it’s cold, but the sleeves always have to be pushed up to the elbows so I can see your wrists. And now that I think of it, I don’t want you zipping it up either. I don’t want you blocking access to your collar.”

Old Kylo would have frowned, argued, resisted in some way, tried in vain to change Hux’s decision, although he never did. New Kylo had been broken. He did exactly what Hux told him without question. He nodded obediently and rolled the sleeves up to the elbows. He closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly in happiness.

Hux smiled. “You look good, Kylo.”

Kylo nearly preened under Hux’s attention. Using his name didn’t hurt either, as he’d hardly heard it over the past month. Being called by his name was a privilege he’d had to earn back.

“Now, I’ve got some work for you to do today, but I wanted to talk to you about something first. You do understand that just because you’ve been good and you get clothes back doesn’t mean you can talk again, right?” Hux said sternly.

Kylo stiffened and looked down at his feet, uncomfortable being reminded of his transgression. He nodded.

“In fact, that’s the most important rule you need to remember. If you break any of the rest of our rules, I’ll have to punish you for it,” Hux went on. Kylo winced. He wasn’t being beaten enough to make it impossible to sit down, but bruises were a permanent decoration to his skin this past month. “But, the no talking rule is the most important. If you break that one, I’m going to take that as a sign that you’re not serious about getting back in my good graces. I’ll have to put you in the box again, or think of some other appropriate punishment.”

Kylo blanched. Even after all this time, going in the box was one of the worst things that had happened to him. He nodded again, still looking at the floor. He understood perfectly.

Hux smiled. “Good boy.”

Kylo was tasked with cleaning the house, top to bottom. Hux pointed out the closet with cleaning supplies. It was the same place where he stored some of the other supplies he used on Kylo, and Kylo seemed skittish, avoiding looking at most of what was in there. Hux handed him a broom and dustpan and told him to get to work.

Kylo did, making his way upstairs first and starting with the master bathroom. He was still moving slowly on account of the tenderness of his recently healed injuries, but he didn’t make any excuses.

Hux gave him an hour and then walked upstairs to find him. He was busy dusting the fixtures. His expression looked a thousand miles away.

“Kylo.” Hux said, getting his attention.

Hux could actually see Kylo pulling himself from that fuzzy no-space. He looked up at Hux with a tight, cautious face. His body language was intent on making himself smaller. His shoulders were hunched, arms pulled tight into his torso protectively, head dipped a little so his eye level was under Hux’s. His fingers twisted nervously. He was expecting a reprimand or something.

“I need to pick up something in town. I’ll only be gone about an hour and a half, maybe two. If you finish cleaning before I get back, I want you to start on dinner. There are some chicken thighs in the fridge. Okay?” Hux said.

Kylo nodded listlessly, eyes trained somewhere at the level of Hux’s collarbone. His expression didn’t change one bit at the news that he would be left alone in the house for hours, with free rein. Hux wondered if that was even registering with him. He looked blank, depressed, a puppet with its strings cut.

Hux frowned. He liked how obedient Kylo had been the past few days, but this zombified attitude could become dangerous very quickly if he let it go too far. He didn’t want him completely _brainless_ after all. He took Kylo’s left arm by the elbow and turned it so it was palm up. Kylo offered absolutely no resistance at being manhandled, but he did stiffen, awareness flooding back into his face. Hux knew physical contact had this effect on him, that as long as Hux was touching him, he was completely focused on him.

Kylo’s eyes skittered up to meet his. There were so many conflicting impulses traveling across his face. Fear, apprehension, but most of all a low desperation for Hux’s approval. Things had gotten very simple for him. If Hux was pleased, he’d be comfortable, unhurt. If Hux was displeased…

Hux ran his thumb over two intersecting scars on the inside of Kylo’s elbow. They were raised and looked like an X. Kylo trembled minutely at the contact but didn’t move. “Hey. Are you with me? I don’t want you drifting off like that.”

Kylo stared at Hux’s thumb tracing his scars in a repetitive rhythm. He nodded again, this time not a thousand miles away but right here.

“Kylo, look at me.” Hux said softly.

Kylo met his eyes, biting one lip. He was trying to figure out what Hux wanted from him right now.

“I know that the past couple weeks have been hard. I’ve been putting you through a lot, but it’s because I knew you could take it. Because you’re worth the effort. I’m very pleased with how good you’ve been the last few days.” Hux said.

Kylo’s eyes widened in relief. His response to Hux’s approval was immediate. He relaxed a little bit, his expression softened. Hux was about to let him go when Kylo moved forward of his own volition, slowly, hesitantly. He kissed Hux, softly, mouth open the barest amount. He was asking for permission, he was begging for affection. Hux was surprised. Kylo must be _desperate_ for affection if he was willing to go this far. As long as he was asking for permission, Hux was more than willing to indulge him. He would always reward physical affection. Hux tilted his head up and kissed him back, more forcefully. Kylo’s mouth parted to let him in, and Hux did not waste his opportunity. Kylo whimpered.

“I like you like this, when you’re sweet and open.” Hux panted, knowing that Kylo would take in all of this, that he would adapt his behavior accordingly. Adapt or die.

Hux pressed him against the wall and bit down on his neck, just above the collar. Kylo stiffened and his hands fluttered up as if they were going to push Hux away. As if he had that option anymore. After a few confused seconds, Kylo’s hands returned to his sides.

“Good,” Hux growled. “Good boy.”

Kylo shuddered in response, melting with the approval. He’d gotten precious little of it that just this small amount of praise was enough to crumble his defenses. Pleasing Hux was good; it meant an absence of pain. He would do anything to avoid pain. If he had to get there by kissing Hux, an idea that even a few weeks ago would have been abhorrent, that’s what he would do. What Kylo wanted didn’t really matter in the equation. What Hux wanted, Kylo would make himself want. That’s how he would survive.

Hux finally pulled away. Kylo looked at him with bright, aware eyes. Hux patted him on the cheek. “Get back to work. I’ll be back soon.”

Hux left Kylo there and made a big show of putting his shoes on and slamming the front door behind him. He got in his car and drove down to the end of the driveway, where he knew he wasn’t visible from the house. He thought Kylo was ready for this, but he needed to be sure to be on hand in case any trouble cropped up.

Hux didn’t think there was any chance of Kylo trying to escape again, but there were other ways he could get himself in trouble. He’d counted the exact number of knives in the house, set a silent alarm on his unlocked office door, and left his laptop unlocked on the coffee table. He was curious to see if Kylo would go for any of it.

After two hours had passed, he drove back up to the house, and came inside to find Kylo seasoning the chicken and laying it in a casserole dish. He was studiously following the recipe Hux had left on the counter. He didn’t react to Hux coming back. Hux checked everything he’d left, but it was all untouched. All knives accounted for, office door unopened, laptop untouched. Kylo had followed his instructions to the letter.

He came back and watched Kylo work. He was silent, obedient, accommodating. The change in him was incredible.

Over the next few days, things returned to an equilibrium. Kylo was allowed back into Hux’s bedroom, but he hadn’t earned sleeping on the bed again quite yet. Hux chained him to the foot of the bed by the collar. Kylo curled up into a ball and pillowed his head in his arms. He was still sleeping on the ground, but it was miles better than outside in the cold.

The next morning, it was hard to wake Kylo up. Hux woke up first, surprised to see that Kylo was still asleep. Usually, Kylo woke up first, as he’d become a light sleeper. By the time Hux had gone through his morning routine and gotten dressed, Kylo was still curled up in a tight ball, light frown line creasing his forehead in his sleep. His breathing was shallow but steady. Hux called his name, but he didn’t respond. He shook his shoulder, but it took almost thirty seconds for Kylo to respond and awaken.

Kylo blinked awake slowly and ponderously, his eyes a little out of focus. He sat up and stared at the ground, his hair in his face while Hux unchained him from the bed and told him to get dressed. Kylo tottered to his feet and stared down at the pants Hux gave him like their function was completely mysterious. Hux had to give him little nudges along until he managed to change clothes.

He was like that all day, hands hanging at his sides, shoulders slumped, eyes out of focus. He barely responded to Hux’s orders, although there was really no point in reprimanding him for it because Hux could see that he was completely out of it. Wherever Kylo was, it was going to be hard to pull him out of it. The longer he stayed there, the deeper he sunk into apathy.

Hux could tell he wasn’t going to be able to make dinner, so he sat Kylo down at the table and put him in charge of peeling and halving a bag of potatoes. Kylo’s movements were sluggish, like he was underwater, but he did steadily make his way through the potatoes until they were piled neatly in the provided bowl.

Hux was over by the stove putting water on the boil. “Bring them over here, will you?” He asked.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kylo stand slowly and grab the bowl. It might have been heavier than he was anticipating, or perhaps his hands just slipped, but the bowl dropped onto the floor, shattering with a loud crash and spilling potatoes every which way. Kylo froze and stared at them.

Hux jumped in surprise. “Jesus, Kylo! What is _wrong_ with you today?” He snapped, turning around and taking a few steps toward him.

Hux’s harsh tone and aggressive movement toward him snapped Kylo out of his depressive daze in an instant. His eyes jumped over to Hux in a panic, and he took three stumbling steps back, yelping as he stepped on a broken piece of bowl.

Hux was starting to get a headache. He’d been treating Kylo with kid gloves all day long, and now one of his best serving bowls was broken. “Kylo! I want an answer. Right now.” He said, striding over toward him while Kylo retreated.

Kylo’s pupils were pinpricks in his panic, and he opened his mouth dumbly, confused by the conflicting order. Speak, but don’t speak. His chest was heaving with shallow breaths. When Hux took one more step forward, Kylo fell back onto the ground and scrambled back on his hands and knees until he backed himself into a corner. He left bloody footprints on the floor.

Kylo hugged his knees to his chest, put his hands over his face, and burst into desperate, panicked tears. Hux stood above Kylo, his anger cooling in a second at this display. He had just been surprised by the crash. He’d seen that it was an accident, that Kylo hadn’t done it on purpose.

“Kylo…” Hux murmured, hunkering down and about to tell him to calm down, he wasn’t angry.

Kylo had a violent reaction to Hux getting closer. He screamed, his feet scrambling uselessly against the ground. He cringed away from Hux, pressing his face into the ground and covering his head with his arms. “_No!_ No, please, no, please, _please_, please, no, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m _sorry_, no nonono-”

His voice was cracked and rusty from disuse, and it broke on every other word. It was small and pleading and absolutely, straight-to-the-bone _terrified_.

Hux was shocked by the strength of his reaction. “Woah, hey, Kylo… Calm down…”

Hux put a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. It was meant to comfort him, but it had the opposite reaction. His entire body shuddered and he let out a choked wail, pressing himself into the wall as much as he could. “I know I’m not supposed to, I know, I know, I’m sorry, I’m so _sorry_, please, please please_ pleasepleaseplease_ _don’t hurt me! I didn’t know what to do, please!_”

Kylo’s babbling became more and more broken and disconnected to the point where Hux thought he was going to swallow his tongue in his terror. He realized what he’d done. He’d snapped at Kylo, which would already make him afraid, but then he demanded that he talk after specifically telling him not to earlier. No wonder Kylo was petrified.

It had been necessary to instill a certain amount of fear in Kylo. Fear of him, fear of the consequences of disobedience. However, this overblown, panicked reaction every time he made a small mistake would only serve to drive Kylo farther into himself. He needed to know that Hux would be somewhat reasonable in his discipline.

“_Kylo_,” He said insistently, but tried to keep his tone as soft as possible. “Honey, stop crying. Listen to me, please. Can you listen to me? I’m not angry with you right now. I’m not going to hurt you. Just calm down. Stop talking. Breathe.”

He thought touching Kylo would be a bad idea right now, so he just kept talking soothingly until Kylo stopped babbling. He didn’t lift his head though, and he didn’t stop crying.

Hux ran a soothing hand down Kylo’s spine. He jerked and pressed into the wall again, but Hux just kept doing it until it broke through to Kylo’s overloaded, stressed mind that it wasn’t hurting him. His shoulders shook with sobs.

“It’s okay… I’m sorry I snapped at you, I was just surprised when you dropped the bowl. But I saw it was an accident. I wouldn’t get angry at you over something you can’t control, okay?” Hux soothed.

The force of Kylo’s tears began to taper off a bit, but he was still sniffling. After his initial bout of pleading, he fell back on the no-talking rule.

“Kylo, turn around. Come here.” Hux said, helping turn Kylo over and sit him up. Kylo’s face was blotchy and red, and he was still trembling all over. Hux pulled him into his lap and then wrapped his arms around him, trapping Kylo’s arms between their chests. Kylo lowered his head to rest in the divot between Hux’s shoulder and neck and cried.

Hux hugged him tight, rubbing his back and whispering soothing things in his ear until at long last, he started to calm down a little bit.

“I’m not going to hurt you over something tiny like this, alright? The punishment will always fit the crime. I know you’re trying to be good. You’ve been _so good_ for me these past couple days, and you have no idea how happy that makes me. As long as you’re honest with me, and you do what I say, you’ll be okay. That I can promise you. Just breathe.” Hux said, from the tiny jerks and trembling knowing that Kylo was absorbing all of this.

Hux held him like that until he finally stopped crying, and then he held him for a little longer, knowing that after everything Kylo had been through lately, Kylo needed the comfort.

While he waited for Kylo to calm down, Hux thought about the problem. He could admit to himself that he might have gone a little too far in breaking Kylo. So far, Kylo had been very obedient, but his two states were mindless despair and mind-shredding panic. That wouldn’t do. Hux wanted a person, not a trembling lump of flesh. He needed to do something.

Once Kylo had sufficiently calmed down, Hux noticed the drops of blood dotting the floor from his cut foot. He’d have to clean that up. He rubbed Kylo’s back. “Hey, you’re bleeding on the floor. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

With red eyes, Kylo looked down at the blood he’d tracked all over the floor, the absolute mess that was the kitchen floor. Hux hated untidiness and Kylo knew that. He cringed, thinking Hux was admonishing him for making a mess. He fell over himself to pull one of his sleeves down and try to mop up the blood. Hux stopped him with a hand on his arm. Kylo flinched violently and began shaking like a leaf. He remained pliable for Hux, but couldn’t stop from dreading a blow.

Hux put his hands over Kylo’s and pulled him to his feet by his wrists. Kylo wrapped his arms defensively around his waist as soon as he was released.

Hux stepped toward the living room, and when he saw Kylo wasn’t following him, he held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s fix up that foot.”

Kylo’s eyes jumped to the door outside where the cage was waiting, to the hall closet where Hux kept most of the things he used on Kylo. Kylo saw threats from all sides. He wavered where he stood, so sure that he was in for some hurt. He’d done something wrong, and he was about to be punished, that’s how it had worked so far. He had cut his good foot, so he was wavering where he stood. His eyes were glassy and panicked, and his breath came fast. It was clear he was one small push away from another panic attack.

“Kylo. Will you look at me?” Hux said softly, still holding one hand out non-threateningly.

Kylo’s eyes skittered up to his. They held insensible fear. He’d experienced so much pain the thought of taking more was unbearable. Kylo’s eyes searched his, clearly speaking when he could not. _Please I’ll do anything you want anything anything anything_.

“If I was angry at you, I’d tell you. Do you believe that?” Hux asked.

Kylo stared down at the broken glass and potatoes scattered everywhere, the dark blood welling up from his foot and staining the floor. He nodded just for the sake of agreeing. Hux could tell that he didn’t believe him.

Hux walked over and wrapped his hand firmly around Kylo’s wrist and began pulling him towards the bathroom. At least some of his message must have sunk in, because he didn’t resist. When they made it to the bathroom, Hux had Kylo sit down on the edge of the tub, back against the wall. He grabbed the first aid kit before sitting down across from him. Hux grabbed his good foot and held it over his knee. He could now see the shard of ceramic embedded in the pad of Kylo’s foot. He was bleeding quite a lot, but foot injuries tended to bleed, so Hux wasn’t that worried.

Hux inspected it carefully. “Well, looks like it’s all in one piece. All I need to do is pull it out. You ready?”

He glanced up at Kylo, who was staring at him in confusion. Hux had never asked before causing him pain before. His hair was in disarray, and his eyes were still bloodshot. He didn’t respond, so Hux decided to proceed.

Hux grabbed the shard and pulled it out of his foot. It was fairly small, so Hux knew the blood was making the wound look worse than it was. Kylo didn’t react when the glass was pulled out. He was pressed against the wall giving all his attention to Hux. He still seemed wary, but the terror had been replaced by something more watchful instead.

Hux dropped the bloody piece of glass onto the counter with a small click. He poured some hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton ball. “This is going to sting.” He warned before pressing it over the wound.

Kylo hissed and pressed back against the wall, but he didn’t look away from Hux. He was staring in open-eyed wonderment. He’d made a mistake, he’d broken Hux’s property, ruined dinner, and spoke against orders, but he wasn’t writhing on the ground screaming in pain. Instead, Hux was calmly and patiently cleaning and bandaging his wounds. He’d been shown mercy so infrequently that he didn’t know how to respond to it now.

While he wrapped Kylo’s foot in a bandage, Hux considered his charge with excitement. He was just so _suggestible_ right now, so malleable. Hux could ask anything of him right now, and he would do it and feel grateful for the leniency. Hux almost pulled Kylo to him and kissed him breathless, but he knew it wasn’t quite right yet. When it finally happened, he wanted it to be perfect. “There, you’re all done.” He said, running a thumb over Kylo’s ankle.

Hux knew it wasn’t going to take much kindness to get Kylo over the edge. After a lifetime of salted foods, one fresh blackberry would taste heavenly.

The next day, after returning from work, Hux set something up in the empty garage before going in to see Kylo. Kylo had already set the table and had a casserole in the oven, and so he sat on the floor against the cabinets with his knees pulled to his chest staring blankly at the opposite wall.

“Kylo, stand up. I’ve got a surprise for you.” Hux said.

Kylo’s dull eyes met his. He looked a little apprehensive but stood up and followed Hux down the hall without a word. As they entered the garage, Kylo heard the sound of something small digging around in what sounded like wood chips. He faltered, confusion crossing his face.

Hux led him over to what he had set up. There was a gray, skinny rabbit in a hutch on the ground, industriously digging around in search of food. The rabbit blinked at them both in turn when they appeared and then went back to her business.

Kylo stared at the rabbit without comprehension and then looked back at Hux. He creased his eyebrows. _What is this for?_

Hux smiled. “This rabbit is for you.”

This did not receive the reaction he had been hoping for. Kylo frowned and he hugged his arms across his chest. His eyes dropped to the floor.

“What is it?” Hux asked.

Kylo was silent.

“You can speak for the next couple minutes. What’s wrong?” Hux prodded.

Kylo’s eyes came up to his. He clearly had to gather up his courage to speak. His voice, when it came out, was very raspy and small. “Do… Do I have to?”

“Do you have to what?” Hux asked, confused.

Kylo twisted his fingers together. “Kill it. It’s for dinner, right? You want me to cook it. I… I don’t know how to do that.”

Hux couldn’t help but laugh. Kylo looked at him anxiously, unsure how to react. “No, no, of course not. I thought you’d like to keep her. You know, look after her.”

Kylo blinked in confusion. “Why?”

Hux found his incomprehension a little endearing. He smiled again. “Well, I’ve noticed that the past week you’ve been a little… distant.”

Kylo swallowed nervously. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I’ll try harder.”

Hux leaned against the doorway. “Well, I appreciate that, dear, but it’s not a matter of trying harder. I know you’re doing your best, but you’ve been through a lot lately.”

Kylo looked at him wide-eyed, still searching for the correct response. Whatever would make Hux happy. He certainly didn’t refute him.

“I think it would do you good to have something to look after. Something to think about after you complete your chores. This rabbit could be your pet.” Hux said.

Kylo’s hand drifted up unconsciously to worry at the collar fastened around his neck. He didn’t look overjoyed with the word choice. He still looked at Hux uncertainly, sure that somehow this was a trick or a test or something he had to be careful with.

“Think of it like a reward for good behavior. I’m very pleased with you.” Hux said.

This seemed to finally break through to Kylo. He brightened almost immediately at the praise, turning to really look at the rabbit for the first time. The rabbit hopped to the corner of the hutch and was sniffing around the edges of its enclosure.

“Go ahead.” Hux encouraged Kylo, who sat down on the ground next to the hutch and put a cautious hand out. The rabbit, doe-eyed and unafraid, came hopping up and sniffed his fingers. The rabbit nipped his fingers gently, and Kylo pulled his hand back in surprise with a gasp.

Hux laughed. “I think she’s looking for food. Here, give her something.” He rooted around in the bag he’d brought with him and turned around with a piece of leafy celery and a carrot the pet store had given him. Kylo had tensed automatically when he saw Hux reaching for something out of sight, but then relaxed when he saw it was only food.

Hux handed Kylo the vegetables and then leaned against the worktable. Kylo looked back at him silently for permission, and Hux nodded in encouragement.

Kylo carefully tore off a piece of the celery and held it out to the rabbit. The rabbit bounded up and started munching on the celery, seemingly not worried at all about Kylo being there. Kylo watched her eat with his mouth slightly open. He seemed a little awestruck or dazed. It could have something to do with this being the one nice thing he’d gotten the entire time he’d been here.

“Why don’t you pick her up?” Hux suggested, watching this with a smile on his face.

Kylo followed instructions, lifting the cover off the hutch and oh-so-carefully picking up the rabbit and holding her in his arms. The rabbit was incredibly placid, sitting calmly in Kylo’s arms and not trying to run away. Kylo started petting the rabbit with a slightly shaking hand. The rabbit started sniffing at Kylo’s wrist cuffs curiously.

Kylo watched the rabbit with what could almost be called happiness. He wasn’t smiling, but he was as relaxed as Hux had ever seen him. He was holding the rabbit gingerly so as not to hurt her. It was clear he was getting attached already. He looked more aware and focused than he had at any time before he tried to escape.

Hux watched Kylo, pleased. He liked seeing him like this. It felt like a long-fought road to get this far.

Getting the rabbit for him served a few purposes. He had been telling the truth when he said it was a reward. Kylo’s panic attack last night demonstrated that he needed something to prove that Hux had forgiven him for his escape attempt. Hux would hope that having this rabbit to look after would keep Kylo from descending into that fog he’d been living in for the past couple weeks. Even Hux had to concede that Kylo needed something to keep him busy beyond attending to Hux’s needs. Otherwise, he might become a kind of unfeeling marionette with mindless obedience. Hux didn’t want that. He wanted Kylo; yes, a Kylo that was unquestionably, unconditionally _his_, but he still wanted Kylo, not a lobotomized thing. He hoped this rabbit would keep him from falling into complete despair.

The rabbit also achieved two more things. Kylo was meeting this gift with gratitude. He was already shooting glances at Hux that contained emotions beyond fear: shining gratitude, sweetness, simple happiness. Hux was happy to see it. He hoped now that Kylo had accepted his rule over him, he would now begin the next step of the process, which was to crave his affection, to love him. Looking after the rabbit would help. He was putting Kylo in the position of taking care of another living thing, thus putting him in Hux’s headspace. Kylo was the rabbit. Hux was banking on the fact that Kylo’s feelings of love and affection for this rabbit would cause him to transfer those feelings over to Hux. Now that Kylo had a pet of his own, maybe he’d understand Hux more.

“Now I want to be crystal clear up front. I am not taking care of this rabbit. It’s your responsibility. I will buy you any food or supplies you need, but you will tend to any of its needs. If you can’t do that, I’ll be taking it back. If the rabbit interferes with you completing your other chores, I’m taking it back. Understand?” Hux said sternly.

Kylo looked up at Hux and nodded seriously. He understood very well.

“The rabbit needs a name, don’t you think?” Hux said.

“I get to name her?” Kylo asked cautiously.

“Well, yes. It belongs to you, you get to pick the name.” Hux said, thinking about how he had coopted Kylo’s self-chosen name for his own. Ben Organa might have chosen that name once upon a time, but who Kylo was had been shaped and molded by Hux into someone new.

Kylo looked down at the rabbit, biting his lip in thought. His eyes were drawn by a spice rack hanging on the far wall, overflow from the kitchen. “How about… Oregano? That’s a good name for a rabbit, right?”

Hux thought about the name’s similarity to Kylo’s mother. “You can do better.” He said.

Kylo backed off immediately. “Okay, you’re right. Um… Clarence?”

“That sounds fine.” Hux said.

Kylo looked at him with a wondering look, like he was seeing him in a whole new light, like he couldn’t believe Hux was being so nice to him. The utter relief was obvious on his face, and all the stronger because of the misery that he’d been through recently. He looked back at Clarence. Hux let him pet the rabbit for another few minutes before telling him to put it away.

Kylo gingerly put Clarence down in the hutch and then closed the lid, looking down at her longingly. He followed Hux back to the door.

Hux was about to leave when Kylo cautiously took his hand. Hux turned to him, eyebrow raised. “Thank you, Hux.” Kylo said sincerely, eyes shining.

Hux ran a thumb across Kylo’s cheek almost tenderly. “You’re welcome. I wanted to give you something nice.”

Kylo leaned in and closed his eyes. Hux kissed him, head spinning. This was the second kiss Kylo had initiated since the escape. He wondered if Kylo was ready. Very nearly.

He pulled back. “Now let’s eat. You can be quiet now.”

Kylo pressed his lips together like Hux had done it himself. He was already becoming used to not talking. Hux led him back to the kitchen. Kylo’s mood had so vastly improved it was incredible. He was focused and quiet. He kept shooting Hux not-quite-smiles all night. Giving him something nice had had a dramatic effect on his outlook. Hux ate dinner, watched Kylo, and wondered.

* * *

The following two weeks marked a dramatic change in Kylo’s outlook. He seemed to have taken Hux’s gift to heart. After everything Hux had put him through recently, Kylo was dying for some positive affirmation. After his escape attempt, he’d really believed that Hux would never forgive him. He’d been resigning himself to a lifetime of constant, arbitrary pain. Something as small as giving him the rabbit made Kylo work all the harder to make Hux happy. Now that he knew it was possible, it didn’t seem quite as futile to try. He would waver between despair and acceptance from one moment to the next, and didn’t quite know what was triggering it.

Kylo watched Hux eagle-eyed during this period, studying his every change in mood and trying to react accordingly. He was still incredibly wary, flinching and feeling himself start to shut down when Hux got close. Hux seemed to notice whenever Kylo started to spiral into that blank, unfeeling state, because he would suggest he go out and see the rabbit. Kylo would sit on the floor of the garage and pet the rabbit for as long as Hux would let him, as relaxed as he could be these days.

Kylo felt so punch-drunk from the dramatic shift of Hux’s treatment of him that he failed to see the danger. Going from being tortured to being rewarded so quickly meant that, essentially, he would agree to anything. He’d become more than eager to please, which was good for Hux, not so good for him.

One night, Hux brought him up to his bedroom. He’d told him he got to sleep in the bed again. Kylo was nearly falling over himself with relief, jumping at the order to brush his teeth and change into the offered pajamas. He handed his day clothes to Hux and looked at him with badly-veiled hope. The reward, the hint of praise from Hux was almost as powerful as his punishments had been. After what he’d been through, Kylo was desperate for anything nice. Anything at all.

“I want you back in my bed, Kylo. It’s really much nicer with a warm body. You aren’t going to do anything so I can’t have that, are you?” Hux asked sternly.

Kylo shook his head seriously, eyes trained on Hux. His hands were obediently at his sides, and he looked expectantly at Hux, waiting for instruction. Hux swallowed heavily, feeling heat stir in his groin. He decided he wasn’t going to wait any longer. He deserved this.

“Come here.” He beckoned Kylo.

Kylo stepped forward, tipping his head up to Hux’s, expression open and present, eyes wide.

Hux closed the distance, grabbing both of Kylo’s wrists with one of his hands and pinning them behind his back, grip tight. With his other hand, he grabbed the hair at the nape of Kylo’s neck and tugged until his head was tilted upward, throat exposed. Kylo gasped and jerked, struggling a token amount just to test Hux’s strength. His pupils were wide, and he kept his eyes locked on Hux, mouth just parted. There was a moment of fear, but Hux watched as Kylo made it disappear, as if he were forcing himself to be okay with this.

Hux tightened his grip and growled, feeling the heat spread along his body. He did what he’d been wanting to do for months now. He leaned down and captured Kylo’s mouth in a kiss, pressing their lips together, leveraging Kylo’s mouth open wider with his jaw, and claiming Kylo with his teeth and tongue.

Kylo let out a whimper and opened his mouth wider, letting Hux in. Their hot breath mingled together. Hux explored Kylo’s mouth with his tongue. The insides of his cheeks were soft and wet. Hux groaned and pulled him closer. There were marks along the soft flesh of his inner mouth, like they’d been torn and inexpertly healed. Hux wondered if they were marks from one of the more punishing gags he’d had Kylo wear, although there was another option.

“You been biting your cheeks?” He growled, not realizing he was advancing step-by-step until he pressed Kylo against a wall.

Kylo nodded assent as best he could with Hux’s grip in his hair. His eyes were half-closed. He’d gone limp like a rabbit in the jaws of a fox. Hux couldn’t help but notice that some of the heat had spread down to Kylo. He wasn’t unaffected by this either. They’d both waited a long time for this.

Hux kissed him again, biting down on Kylo’s lower lip, hard. Kylo yelped in pain and blood burst into Hux’s mouth. He nearly lapped it up. “Nobody bites you but me, understand?” Hux panted, thrusting against Kylo almost unconsciously.

Kylo stared at him with a dazed expression, eyes like spiraling zeroes. His tongue came out and licked the blood on his split lip. His mouth hung open, blood dripping down to his chin. His breathing came heavy with interest, with what could be the beginning of lust.

Hux bit him again. “_You’re mine_,” He whispered into his open mouth. “_Mine, mine, mine._”

Kylo ducked his head down and pressed a chaste, supplicating kiss on Hux’s neck, just over his pulse. When he pulled away, a string of bloody saliva connected him to Hux.

They stared at each other for a few moments, skin feverish, breathing heavy. They both knew where this was going, but now that it was here, Hux was curiously reticent to start.

For Kylo’s part, he knew where this was going. He’d known it was inevitable ever since Hux plucked him out of his old life and brought him here. It was only a matter of time. He’d spent a lot of time being afraid of the idea, but now that it was here, he felt almost neutral. After everything Hux had put him through, after all the pain and suffering, sex didn’t even feel like that big of a deal anymore. Out of all the creative ways Hux had of keeping him in line, sex seemed like the least of the hurts he could inflict on Kylo. It could be pleasurable, so why not? Kylo was not in a position where he was able to turn down anything pleasant. Looking at Hux’s face, Kylo could see this was going to happen either now or later. Saying no was unthinkable. He would just go through hell, and for what? To end up right back here.

“You are so beautiful,” Hux breathed, surprising himself with the depth of his feeling. Kylo melted in his grip, expression softening. Any ounce of praise he received now had this almost soporific effect on him. As long as Hux was happy, he was happy. He almost seemed to mirror whatever Hux was feeling. It was a curious survival mechanism.

Hux let go of Kylo’s wrists and hair. Kylo’s hands dropped to his sides, but he didn’t move his tipped chin. Hux brought a thumb up and brushed it softly against Kylo’s cheek. “I’ve waited so long for this. Are you ready?” A question, but not really. Kylo wasn’t foolish enough to think that his answer mattered one iota.

Kylo pulled one of Hux’s wrists up to his mouth and pressed a kiss into his palm. He nodded in assent. Apprehension crossed over his face and then disappeared.

Hux wasn’t waiting one minute longer. He pulled Kylo toward the bed, heart thumping in excitement. “Take your clothes off,” He whispered, not the order of an owner but the request of a lover.

Kylo complied as fast as he could, kicking off his pants and underwear and dropping his shirt on the floor by the side of the bed. His face was alit in anticipation. A flush was across his lanky frame. They’d done this all before. He’d been naked in front of Hux. He’d crawled into bed with Hux before. They’d kissed. Hux had held him down before. So why not? This could be a good thing. There was one thought in his head, insistent and simple. _Make him happy. Make him happy. Make him happy._ He wasn’t going to do anything to disrupt the peace of the last couple weeks. Hux hadn’t hurt him once and he wanted to keep it that way.

Hux gave him a light push onto the bed, and Kylo hopped up and scooched back. He was reaching over to Hux to pull him up after him when Hux climbed up onto the bed and advanced on him. Something about the sinuous way he moved, the predatory gait moving towards him, made the animal panic at the back of Kylo’s head shove its way to the forefront. Kylo lost any anticipation he had, and shoved back with his heels, scrambling to get away from Hux. He pressed himself back against the headboard, heart thudding in his ears.

Hux noticed his sudden panic, and stopped moving. He sat back on his heels where he was at the foot of the bed and gazed at him calmly. “I’m not going to hurt you. Do you believe me?”

Kylo’s lips were pressed together into a thin white line. He knew the correct answer. _Yes_. Hux was many things, but he wasn’t a liar. But that didn’t stop the phantom pain, the conditioned panic when he saw Hux advancing on him. His ankle gave a twinge that almost felt real.

Hux saw his hesitation, but didn’t react with automatic anger like Kylo had been afraid. His voice, when it came, was very neutral, reasonable. “Kylo, this is going to happen. What can I do to make it easier for you?”

Kylo let out a shuddering breath. _He’s not giving you a choice_, one panicked voice screamed inside him, the one that told him to bolt for the door, the one that always got him in trouble. _No, but he’s asking you what you want. He’s never done that before_, another voice noted, the one that made submission always sound so reasonable.

Kylo stared at him for a while. Hux waited patiently.

Kylo finally lifted up his trembling hands and made a _slow down_ gesture. Waited to gauge Hux’s reaction. Pressed a finger to his lips.

“Kiss you more. Take it slow.” Hux said with a fond smile. Kylo had never seen that expression on his face before. He marveled at it.

Kylo nodded uncertainly. He didn’t know how Hux would react to this. He’d never gotten anything he’d asked for before. This felt like uncharted territory. He wondered if he should have asked for something different. Something that Hux would have liked more.

_How fucking generous_, the voice he knew he shouldn’t listen to hissed snidely. _He’s asking you how you’d like him to rape you. And you’re lapping it up. He shows you just a little kindness, and now you’re just rolling over for him. You’re disgusting, pathetic. You’re a goddamn disgrace._ Kylo tried to ignore that voice, but it was difficult. He felt shame curl in his gut. Was it so wrong that he would get something out of this? Hux was asking him, so he must deserve it.

Hux nodded, fingers coming up to unbutton his shirt. “Alright.”

Hux pushed off his shirt and pants, throwing his clothes aside. Kylo let his eyes travel down Hux’s body, cataloguing every inch. The freedom to do so felt overwhelming. Hux had seen all of Kylo many times, but Kylo had never been given the privilege of seeing Hux like this. Hux had undressed in front of him before, of course, but Kylo had always averted his gaze before. This was the first time Kylo was really _seeing_ him naked. Without his tailored dress shirts, ivory cufflinks, and impeccable ties, Hux looked different. When Hux took Kylo’s clothes, he felt like he was being stripped of his armor, exposed as the raw nerve he was. Hux shedding his clothes demonstrated his control in an entirely new way. Kylo took in his corded arms, pale chest, the treasure trail of ginger hair that led from his navel down to his groin. His body was sleek and streamlined. He was deceptively slim, but his power lay entirely in the corded muscle of his arms, the strength that Kylo knew was laying just under the surface. Kylo might have a bigger frame, but he was a prey animal, easily subdued, while Hux was a jackal; opportunistic, vicious and quick.

Hux started slowly crawling towards him on the bed, giving him plenty of time to see what he was doing, and this time, Kylo only felt a flicker of unease. He was too distracted by the novelty of seeing Hux, _all_ of Hux.

By now, they were both completely naked, save for Kylo’s collar, wrist and ankle cuffs. Kylo was flat on his back, gazing up at Hux with wide eyes; Hux straddled his waist, hands buried in the bed on either side of Kylo’s head. They were both half-hard, wanting. For the moment, at least, both bodies and minds were aligned.

Hux leaned down and kissed him again, but this time it was soft, tender. Kylo, unused to tenderness, desperate for affection, melted. There was still a silver thread of fear twisting somewhere in his gut, but in this moment, he was making Hux happy. He felt more relaxed than he had in months. Hux had asked him what he wanted and actually _listened_. There was no way in hell he was going to jeopardize this.

Hux adjusted his position, and his hard cock brushed against Kylo’s stomach. Kylo shivered; simple, uncomplicated pleasure started stirring in his gut. He could do this. He’d been naked in front of Hux. They’d been in bed together before. They’d even kissed before, although what Hux was doing with his mouth now was nothing like the tentative, conciliatory pecks that Kylo had initiated before. Hux’s breath was hot, his skin was burning. He quested into Kylo’s mouth, pulled back. Kylo opened his eyes, breathless. He noticed again how handsome Hux was, how his severe features really suited him. His ginger hair was slightly mussed, tumbling over his brow in a wave. The dishevelment was strangely appealing for some reason that Kylo couldn’t put his finger on.

Hux looked down at Kylo’s broad face, his wide lips, and felt like his heart was beating out of his chest; but now that the moment came, he hesitated. “Are you sure?” He asked. He knew the inherent absurdity of asking this question of his captive who he’d spent months conditioning to respond to him. He hadn’t planned on asking it, but something in him had to know. Did Kylo really want him? He was surprised by his own uncertainty. He wasn’t used to the feeling.

Kylo lay open to him in every possible respect, mouth and legs parted. He nodded, hands coming up to wrap lightly around Hux’s wrists.

Hux nodded. “Okay.” He leaned over to the side drawer and got out a bottle of lubricant. He squeezed some out and put the bottle back. He leaned down, spread Kylo’s legs with his knees.

Kylo had been making it through so far by telling himself it was all something he’d done before. When Hux eased a finger in, then two, then three, Kylo’s brain shuttered. _Oh_. They hadn’t done that before.

After preparation, Hux eased his length into him, both of them gasping in a breath in unison. Kylo’s eyes widened, his pupils blown out. His mouth hung open, blood still dripping down his chin.

Kylo’s head arced back, showing off his collar, and his legs came up to wrap around Hux’s waist, pulling him in closer. Hux marveled over taking this part of Kylo too. He was just so hot and tight and _his his his_. He thrust in, a rush of pleasure rocketing up his spine. Kylo shuddered, a choked sound of shock coming out of his mouth.

When Hux was fully seated in Kylo, he could see the varied emotions rush across Kylo’s face. Latent unease and then physical need circled in him. Every time Hux sensed that unease starting to turn to fear, he eased off a little bit. He never relented but was willing to pause. Being able to read Kylo’s emotions this closely was intoxicating.

It only took a few more minutes before Hux felt a heady rush of blood to his head. He was close after only a few minutes. He listened to what Kylo had asked. He took it slow. They’d been holding off on this moment for so long that he was afraid he wasn’t going to have much endurance. His thoughts seemed to be coming in short, disconnected bursts.

Kylo moaned and tightened his legs around Hux, pulling him even closer. Hux’s breaths were coming out in short, gruff bursts, and his arms lost their strength. He fell down onto his elbows so that their noses were brushing. Kylo wrapped his arms around him as well, taking the unthinkable liberty of running a hand through his short hair. They kissed again, deep and slow.

They were connected in a straight line all the way down their bodies. Their mouths mapped each other’s, Hux’s weight pressed down on Kylo’s chest, Hux was buried to the hilt in Kylo with Kylo’s legs wrapped around the small of Hux’s back. They couldn’t have been closer if they’d tried.

Hux’s thrusts got faster, and Kylo’s moaning grew much more erratic. He started to turn his head to the side, but Hux stopped him with a light touch.

“No, I want to see your face.” Hux said, huffing.

It looked like it was difficult to stay in the moment, but Kylo complied. Their mouths were both hanging open, and as they moaned, their hot breaths rushed into each other’s mouths.

Hux couldn’t stop himself from babbling, almost non-stop, mostly nonsense phrases and short exclamations and curses. Kylo made a hell of a lot of noise, but he didn’t speak a word, even in this moment not forgetting himself. He wasn’t going to disobey Hux, not ever again. He felt claimed, owned, protected. Every inch of him was Hux’s, and in this moment, he couldn’t even bring himself to feel bad about it. Something that felt this good couldn’t be bad.

Finally, Hux was brought to the edge. “Kylo, I love you.” He said in a rush, and came. Kylo, like he had been waiting for Hux’s go-ahead, came too. Every muscle in their bodies clenched in unison and then let go. Hux collapsed on top of Kylo, breathing heavily, endorphins rushing through his system. Kylo still had his arms around him, and, not being allowed to talk, simply expressed himself through running his fingers through Hux’s hair. It seemed to express the same idea.

They lay there for a long time, before Hux got up the energy to roll off of Kylo, both of them panting and staring up at the ceiling. “Oh, that was good.” Hux said, leaning over to kiss Kylo one more time. They made it last. Kylo was looking at him cautiously again, hoping he’d been pleased. Hux let him know that he was.

Hux had them clean themselves up before going back to the bedroom. “Okay, it really is time for bed now.” Hux said. Kylo nodded and waited for instruction. Hux put his clothes back on, but decided that Kylo didn’t need any for bed at least. That would be a daytime privilege.

Kylo allowed him to manhandle him into restraints without any complaint, pliable under his direction. Hux attached two short chains from his wrists to the front of his collar, leaving him with only a few inches of hand movement possible. The soft leather gag that didn’t fill his mouth but only molded around his chin and the bottom half of his face was buckled in securely. A split chain attached to a ring on the footboard was clipped to his ankles. Kylo was able to curl into himself, his arms tucked close to his chest out of necessity. Hux climbed into bed next to him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. They could almost have been lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this officially brings this thing over 100k! I never thought this was going to be so long, but every time I'm about to end it, more plot decides to happen. Hope this was well worth the wait. A big thank you to everyone who reads and comments. I got some really amazing feedback on the last chapter. Thank you so much!
> 
> Also, this thing officially has fanart! Thanks to itspixiesthings, you really blew me away. <3 [Check it out here](https://twitter.com/FirstOrderPixie/status/1208134506332340224)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional content warning for this chapter: self-harm (short and not very explicit). Plus, general awfulness, as usual.

Time passed like that. Kylo hardly caused any trouble these days. Some days, he would earn himself a punishment, just because Hux was not willing to be lenient any longer. However, it was only a few strikes, and he hardly left bruises. Kylo started working around the house, Hux giving him more responsibilities in terms of keeping the entire house clean, cooking him food, keeping things tidy. Hux got pleasantly used to sitting and doing work and seeing Kylo silently completing his chores.

Hux kept tying him up during the nights. It wasn’t strictly necessary anymore, but Hux wanted to be sure he didn’t wake up with a knife to his throat, no matter how unlikely that was now. Kylo didn’t like it, but he didn’t complain. He was focused on being good.

It had even gotten to the point where Hux would leave Kylo alone in the house for the whole day, unbound, with strict instructions and a list of chores to get done. He thought this would be a harder stepping stone, a time where he would need to be more vigilant to Kylo backsliding, but it went easy as pie. Kylo hardly seemed to notice anything was different. Hux kept a close eye on him, but Kylo never tried anything. The impulse to escape had been thoroughly beaten out of him.

Hux eventually allowed Kylo to speak again, although he hardly ever did. He’d thoroughly learned his lesson this time. He wouldn’t speak unless it was absolutely necessary or if Hux asked him a direct question. His voice always came out rusty and disused.

Kylo took to caring for his rabbit Clarence like he’d had him forever. He was always careful to complete any tasks Hux had given him first, but then he’d be in the garage feeding the rabbit, letting her run around, and cleaning the hutch. When Hux got home, that was usually the first place he looked for Kylo. He was usually sitting on the floor watching Clarence run around, for the moment not focused on anything but her. Hux knew getting Kylo the rabbit was the right decision. It did so much to calm him down and keep him focused on the here and now. He was still very nervous around Hux, but he didn’t slip into that blank state quite so often.

They’d had sex a few more times, or to be more accurate, Hux had sex with him. Kylo was an active participant, he even enjoyed the intimacy, but Hux was always the one who initiated it. If Kylo had tears in his eyes during and after, well, he told himself was just overwhelmed in the moment.

One day, they were eating dinner when Hux told him about a change. Kylo had been pushing his food around on his plate, just waiting for Hux to finish eating so he could clean up. He had a hard time eating these days. He looked down at the plate of meatballs and pasta, and his stomach turned over. He had forced a few small bites into his mouth, but they didn’t taste like anything. Kylo wondered vaguely if there was something wrong with his taste buds. Food never really seemed to taste like anything anymore.

Hux didn’t have the same trouble. He ate his first plate and then had Kylo fetch him seconds. With a few nudges here and there, Kylo had slowly begun to improve as a good cook. The fact that his wellbeing depended on it certainly helped.

Hux finished his plate and then looked over at him. “Kylo, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Kylo put down his fork and looked over at Hux. He was just relieved he didn’t have to pretend to keep eating.

“We’re going to have guests tomorrow.” Hux said, studying Kylo closely for his reaction.

Kylo blinked. _Guests?_ The notion was so far outside of his daily life now that he wasn’t even sure how to react. “…Okay.” He said, a noncommittal response seeming the safest.

“I wanted to let you know so that tomorrow when they come you don’t act… foolishly.” Hux said with an eyebrow raised.

Kylo flushed and looked down at the table. He started picking at the edge of his tablemat with his fingernails. Even though he’d given up on escaping himself, the thin hope that someone would rescue him was still somewhere deep down, although it was being buried more and more every day.

Hux seemed to be waiting for a response. “Um… who are they?” Kylo asked in his new, hesitant voice. He didn’t recognize his own voice anymore.

“They work for me. That’s all you need to know. Due to events out of my control, we will need to use the house for storage for a short time. It’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing for it.” Hux said, an undercurrent of annoyance threading his voice. It made Kylo nervous. Hux wasn’t annoyed with _him_, not yet, but it was surely a slippery slope.

Nothing about this situation quite made sense to Kylo. He didn’t like the idea of a bunch of people he didn’t know barging into the house. Things had just settled into an equilibrium, or enough of one where he thought he could catch his breath. Hux appeared to be so pleased that Kylo had finally fallen into his bed that he was not so much softer, but more lenient. The possibility of that changing had him on edge.

“I don’t… what kind of storage? What are they bringing here?” He asked, curious despite himself.

Hux leveled him an icy look. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

Kylo’s mouth spoke before he could stop himself. “But I don’t understand-”

He snapped his mouth closed almost immediately.

Hux was looking at him with that familiar expression that meant he was trying to figure out which part of Kylo would be most efficient to hurt, the one that always preceded a particularly bad night. “I must be mishearing something. Are you arguing with me?”

Feather touches of panic swirled in Kylo’s stomach. He shook his head rapidly. “N-no! Of course not. Sorry.”

“I _just_ decided you could handle speaking again. Don’t make me regret it, or you will.” Hux snapped.

Kylo bit his lip, dug his nails into his palm so hard they nearly drew blood. “_Sorry_,” He whispered tonelessly.

Hux let him dangle for a few seconds but then, thankfully, let it go. “All you need to do tomorrow is be helpful and quiet. If they ask you where something is, direct them. I’d like them in and out as soon as possible.”

Kylo blinked in consternation as something occurred to him. “Wait, you’re going to be here, right?” He asked nervously. He didn’t know why, but the thought of other people being here without Hux worried him. He didn’t know at one point he’d started to view Hux as a source of protection, but there it was.

Hux seemed to have noticed the same thing, and found it amusing. “Yes, I’ll be here, but I might be otherwise occupied, so I need you to be cooperative. I don’t want you speaking unless spoken to. You can do that for me, right?”

_For me_. Everything was for Hux these days. Kylo nodded uncertainly.

Hux went back to his dinner, but something else occurred to Kylo, something that made what little dinner he’d already eaten want to come up again. He thought very carefully about how to phrase it before speaking up. “Um, Hux, can I just… Uh… Wouldn’t it be better if I just stayed upstairs or something?”

Hux looked up, face blank. That could go either way. “No. It would be best if you just do as I say.”

Kylo could feel every ounce of his body telling him to drop it, shut his mouth, and go back to his dinner. He couldn’t stop himself. “It’s just, I don’t want to make a mistake.”

Hux’s expression let him know he was making one right now. “Are you planning on making one?”

Kylo felt like he was circling a drain. “No,” he swallowed.

“Then keep it that way.” Hux said.

He knew he should drop it, but the very last dregs of his remaining pride made him keep going when he knew he shouldn’t. “B-but-” He stammered before abruptly snapping his mouth closed. He’d already pushed his luck too far. He hunched his shoulders, looked down at the table.

Hux’s voice was dangerously smooth, silky and with the promise of pain. “What were you going to say?”

Kylo’s stomach turned over. He’d said too much. Hux _just_ let him start talking again, and he’d fucked it up already. He was so stupid, Hux was going to muzzle him again, or something even worse. He choked out an answer. “N-nothing, I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’ll do whatever you need tomorrow.”

Hux was so still. Kylo couldn’t stop staring at Hux’s hands, sure they were going to reach over and break his nose. “Kylo. Not answering a direct question is just as bad as lying. Answer me. Now.”

Kylo’s heart felt trapped in his throat. He already knew the answer to his request, which was why he hadn’t wanted to ask it. “I… I was just g-going to ask if… um… if I could wear a – a sweatshirt or something…tomorrow…because it’s…cold…” His voice came out in a whisper. He wished he hadn’t said anything.

“Why do you want to wear a sweatshirt? You won’t be going outside. You know that.” Hux said coldly.

Kylo stared at his barely touched plate of food. His eyes were hot with unshed tears. He thought about lying again, but he was already in enough trouble. “I, uh, thought I could cover up the, um…” His hand came up to touch his collar, the cuffs on his wrists. “I just don’t want people to see me… like this.” He finished weakly.

There was a long silence from Hux. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. They know all about you, anyway.”

Hux didn’t say anything else on the subject. Kylo spent the next few minutes biting back hysteria, trying to control his rising gorge. Being with Hux these past few months, what he was going through had started to seem… not normal, but commonplace. Everyday. His new reality was wearing a collar around his neck, thinking of Hux before himself, second- and triple-guessing every word that came out of his mouth to the point where it was becoming increasingly difficult to bring himself to talk. As horrible as it was, he was used to it now. The thought of other people not only being aware of what he was going through, but seeing it, too, was nearly too awful to bear. But bear it he would.

After dinner, when Kylo started heading towards the garage to see Clarence, Hux called him back. “It’s a little late to spend time with your rabbit. Get upstairs and get ready for bed.”

Kylo glanced at the wall clock. It was only eight o’clock. “I haven’t fed her yet.” He said carefully, making sure to phrase it as a comment, certainly not a protestation.

“Well, she’s going to have to wait until tomorrow.” Hux said.

Kylo nodded dejectedly, turned to the stairs. He got the message. He shouldn’t have said anything. He got ready for bed, brushing his teeth, putting his clothes neatly in the hamper, and sat on the bed and waited. He thought Hux would come upstairs, but he didn’t for a few hours. It appeared Hux still had things to do. Kylo could hear him walking around downstairs. Kylo pressed a pillow against his face to muffle his voice and screamed until his throat was hoarse.

When Hux finally came upstairs, Kylo was sitting cross-legged on the bed where he’d been told, absentmindedly wrapping one of the chains that would be used to restrain him later around his fingers until he cut off the circulation. He stopped when Hux came in and looked at him eagerly, but Hux was busy with something on his phone while he got ready for bed. Kylo felt a little rejected, but waited until Hux climbed into bed.

Hux was brisk and businesslike as he got over Kylo and pressed his wrists into the mattress above his head and ordered him to stay still. Kylo had been hoping he could kiss Hux to get him to soften up a bit, but he wasn’t given the opportunity. Hux kneeled above him and stroked himself, closing his eyes halfway and basically ignoring Kylo while he brought himself off. Kylo obediently kept his hands above his head, but wished Hux would just look at him or _touch_ him or something. Hux was straddling his legs, but his skin barely touched his. Kylo stared at the ceiling, hating feeling like he’d disappointed Hux so badly he didn’t even want to touch him. He wished he had the words to make things better, but considering that him talking was how he got himself into trouble in the first place, he stayed silent.

Hux tipped his head back and his breath came quick as he was brought to the edge. He came all over Kylo’s chest and stomach. Kylo jumped at the unfamiliar feeling of the viscous liquid hitting his skin. He stared down at himself, unsure how he felt about this. Hux’s impersonal treatment of him felt miles from how almost soft Hux had been before. This here, like he was just an object to be used, felt unpleasant in a way that Kylo couldn’t quantify. He hadn’t been told to do anything, just _lie_ here. It wasn’t exactly a punishment, it didn’t give him that back-of-the-throat, crawling, panicky feeling he was so used to, but it was clear he was supposed to learn something from this. Kylo resolved to be very helpful, to make Hux proud tomorrow. If he did, maybe Hux would thaw again.

Post-orgasm, Hux took a few seconds to get himself back in order. He climbed off of Kylo and got dressed, face blankly satisfied, like how he’d look if he found a convenient parking spot. Kylo felt horrible. “Clean yourself up and get back into bed.” Hux said absently, unlocking his phone and checking his email.

Kylo lowered his hands and sat up slowly, trying his best not to look at the mess all over himself. He swallowed a lump. He felt the urge to apologize, but Hux hadn’t told him to apologize, he’d told him to get cleaned up, so he did.

Kylo came out of the bathroom and got gingerly into bed. He scooted up and was accommodating while Hux threaded the chains through his wrist and ankle cuffs, forcing him to curl up a little bit. Hux threw the blanket over him impersonally and turned off the light but sat up on his phone for another twenty minutes. He didn’t say anything, not even a quick goodnight.

Kylo was grateful he was faced away from Hux, because he didn’t think he would be able to school his expression right now. When he felt himself on the verge of crying, he forced his eyes closed and cast his thoughts toward Clarence downstairs. He hoped she wasn’t too hungry, although if he was honest, he was overfeeding her a little bit, so he was sure she was fine. He worried that she was lonely down there in the cool, quiet garage. He wished he could go down there and pet her and cheer her up, but contented himself with imagining how her soft fur felt when he ran his fingers through it, the way her beady black eyes lidded and her nose scrunched up when she was on the verge of falling asleep. At some point, he fell asleep himself.

The next day, Kylo was in the front hall dusting while Hux was upstairs taking a few calls. He floated absently on a sea of vacancy, not much of a thought in his head. The sound of a car pulling up out front brought him out of his reverie. He looked up and frowned. He’d almost managed to forget about Hux’s guests. The engine stopped and footsteps came crunching up the walk to the front door. There was a knock.

Kylo stared at the door, his heart pounding in nerves. He didn’t like the idea of someone else coming and interrupting them. Change never ended well for him. A knock came again.

“Kylo! Answer the door and send him up here, will you?” Hux’s irritated voice came.

Kylo opened the door. There was a man standing there, tall, broad-shouldered, and confident. He turned to Kylo with a smile and stepped in without asking. “Hey. I’m Jack.” He shrugged off his jacket and threw it onto one of the bannisters Kylo had just cleaned. It slid onto the floor. One of Kylo’s eyes twitched.

The man looked Kylo up and down, and he realized what he must look like. Collared, cuffs on his wrists and ankles, barefoot and lost. Property of Hux. He flushed in embarrassment. He wondered what Hux had told this man.

“So you must be the pet, huh? You’re cute, I guess. Not my thing, but I can see why Hux likes to keep you around. Something soft to warm his bed, huh?” Jack chuffed Kylo under his chin and laughed, not kindly.

Kylo wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly self-conscious of his appearance. Who was this who had invaded their house? He wanted to talk back, tell this stranger that he didn’t know anything about him and Hux, but last night’s consequences after speaking were still on his mind.

Kylo clenched his jaw, went to pick up the jacket off the floor, hanging it up on the coat rack. Jack watched him, casual and amused. “I have to admit, I’m curious. Hux is just so uptight that when I heard about you, I couldn’t quite believe it. I thought he’d have to keep you chained up in the attic or something to keep you from bolting. I guess he fucked some sense into you, then. Be honest. Is he that good of a lay?”

Kylo spun around, fists clenched. _You don’t know anything_, he wanted to say. _Hux cares about me, he loves me, it’s not like you’re trying to make it. I’m not his pet, or his slave. I’m, I’m – just Hux’s._

He stood there glaring, faintly surprised he was still capable of feeling anger. Jack seemed to find this very funny. He was stepping toward Kylo, hand outstretched toward the collar, when Hux appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Jack, come join me. Thank you for coming. Sorry you had to drive all this way.” Hux called, beckoning Jack to him. Jack bounded up the stairs. He shook Hux’s hand and clasped his elbow with his other hand. Hux put a brief hand on his shoulder, and they started walking up the stairs.

Kylo looked after them, a mess of emotions he didn’t understand bubbling up in his stomach. He had to fight tooth and nail for every ounce of warmth he got from Hux, he had to suffer and bleed just to get a soft caress or an encouraging word. Whoever this guy was just came in and took it from Hux like he had no idea what he was getting. He couldn’t possibly appreciate Hux’s attention like Kylo did. His chest felt tight, and he almost thought he was going to throw up. He made a move to follow them.

Hux turned around. “You have work to do, sweetheart. I’d suggest you get to it.” He said flippantly, walking Jack up the stairs toward the office like they were best friends. Like they were more than that. Kylo slammed the door on that thought as quickly as he could.

Kylo was left at the bottom of the stairs, forlorn. He swallowed heavily. He could hear their voices upstairs, easy, loud laughs from Jack. Hux laughed in answer. Kylo’s heart hurt. He’d never heard Hux laugh like that before. He never made Hux laugh. All he managed to do was disappoint him.

He didn’t have much time to worry about it, because he could hear another car pull up outside. He glanced outside to see three people get out of the car. The driver was a woman who looked taller than two men stacked on top of each other. She had severe, short platinum-blonde hair and a _don’t-fuck-with-me_ expression on her face. There were two other men with her, nearly identical in their unremarkability. The woman popped the trunk, and they started unloading crates. It took two of the men together to heft one of the boxes, while the woman picked one up all on her own.

Kylo held the door for them as they came in. He couldn’t help but staring. He’d spent he didn’t know how long with only Hux for company, and all at once four new people came crashing in. He didn’t really know how to react. They seemed impossibly loud and brash after the usual quiet of Hux’s house.

“I tell you, it’s downright unethical making us do this so close to Christmas,” one of the men was bitching to the other as they tramped into the front hall. “Phasma, you could have done something about this. Bend the boss’s ear. Come on, you two are close.”

Kylo was shocked out of his watchfulness by what he had said. _Christmas_? That’s when it was? He glanced outside at the frost-laden grass outside, the slate-gray sky. It wasn’t like he was unaware that time was passing, but Hux never told him the date or really anything about the outside world. He cast his thoughts back to when this all started. It was hard to remember now, but he thought it had been sometime in February when he’d been taken. He had to press a hand against the wall. He felt a little dizzy. Had it really been that long? His time with Hux felt so much longer and yet so much shorter at the same time.

“I am not willing to stick my neck out for you dimwits. Do your jobs. Be happy you have one.” The woman, Phasma snapped.

She dropped her crate on the floor with a grunt. Kylo winced when it smacked into the nice hardwood. He’d have to buff that out later. Any latent, half-formed thought that these people might be a source of help evaporated when they looked at him, full of curiosity and devoid of sympathy. They looked him over appraisingly, and Kylo flushed and looked at his bare feet. He tucked his wrists behind his back, but was sure that only made it worse. He wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.

“Hey, boy. Where does Hux want these boxes?” Phasma demanded.

Kylo chanced a glance up, his face still blazing. “This way.” He said softly, leading them down the hallway to the huge three-car garage. The three of them tramped down the hallway, and he stood aside while they placed everything down in the corner. Remembering what Hux had told him, he opened the garage door to make it easier for them. He realized he was kind of shielding Clarence from them, standing between the rabbit and these new people.

Phasma left to get another box, but the two men were looking over at him and whispering amongst themselves. One of them chuckled nastily and made a crude hand gesture. Kylo’s face blazed in embarrassment and he escaped back to the hallway. Hux hadn’t said he needed to be there the whole time. He leaned against the wall and pressed his hands over his face and breathed deeply, trying to get his heart to slow down and the sting of humiliation to go away. He’d gotten used to the little every-day abasements from Hux, the patronizing tone and “_Good Boy_’s” and whittling away of his free will, but there was something about seeing it from an outside perspective that drove home to him once again just how humiliated he’d been, just how stripped to his bare essentials. There was a time, long ago, when he would have flown into a rage when someone laughed at him like that, when he wouldn’t have hesitated to punch their teeth in. That time was long past. Now it just made him feel small, unimportant. For the first time in a long while, he couldn’t help but scratch at his throat, feeling over the buckles and leather of his collar and wishing he could tear it off.

He was interrupted from his self-pity by Phasma walking back inside. Kylo jumped and stepped back. The way she moved, like she knew exactly where she was going and was just waiting for everyone else to get out of the way, reminded him of the assured way that Hux moved. He’d become good at recognizing authority. She was clearly nobody to be messed with. “Where’s Hux?” She asked briskly.

“He’s, um… upstairs. In the office.” Kylo said, hunching into the wall. It felt like Phasma took up the entire hallway.

She turned without another word and headed to the stairs. Kylo listened. The two men outside were making plenty of noise, they seemed to be set unloading the car. Now that he wasn’t needed, Kylo knew he had chores to finish. The laundry needed to be done, and he would have to start prep for dinner pretty soon if he didn’t want it to be too late. His thoughts returned to whatever was going on upstairs.

Kylo _tried_, he really tried to finish his chores, but every time he heard the low rumble of voices or fucking _Jack_ laugh up there, he lost all concentration. What were they doing up there? What was Jack trying to do, impress Hux? Was it working? What did Jack have that Kylo didn’t, that he could make Hux laugh like that? He dimly realized that he was jealous. It wasn’t fair that he should get to talk with Hux so freely.

It got to the point where he was blatantly standing at the bottom of the stairs, straining his ears trying to hear what they were saying. He wanted more than anything to go up there and find out, but Hux had told him to get to work.

He realized he actually had an excuse to go upstairs, because he had to collect the laundry hamper from the bedroom. He mounted the stairs. The door to the office was ajar, and he could hear a flurry of voices inside, discussing something that sounded quite important. He stepped up just out of sight.

Phasma was talking. “Honestly, I don’t even know how they got in. I had my best guys on duty out there. Something like this has never happened before. I didn’t think they had it in them.”

A nasally, crackly voice that Kylo didn’t recognize spoke. He must be on speakerphone. “Well, they couldn’t have been all that good if they let three enemy agents into our goddamn warehouse. I think you’re falling down on your job, Phasma.”

Hux spoke then. He sounded cool, collected, an accomplished peacemaker. “Now, Snoke, I know you don’t think that’s true. It sounded like they’d been planning this for weeks. You almost have to be impressed. None of us could have known.”

The man on the phone, Snoke, started grumbling again. He sounded essentially unpleasant, both breakable and possessing a kind of brittle strength.

Kylo couldn’t help peeking into the room. The three of them were around Hux’s desk, gathered around a phone. Phasma leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, adopting an imperious expression. Hux was sitting down, hands folded. Jack was leaning over the desk, one hand resting unnecessarily near Hux’s arm. Kylo wanted to rush in there and shove him away. He was caught off guard by the strength of his jealousy. There was no way Hux would allow Jack to do that if he didn’t want it. Kylo felt a keen sense of desperation that he didn’t understand.

Snoke was still talking. “The thing that really irks me about the Resistance is that damn woman just doesn’t know when to-”

“Snoke, please hold that thought.” Hux cut Snoke off abruptly. He’d caught sight of Kylo standing in the doorway. “Kylo! You have work to do. If you make me tell you again, you’re going to regret it.” He snapped.

Kylo’s face heated up. He recoiled like he’d been slapped. Before he fled the room, he saw Jack smirk. As he was walking away, he heard Snoke’s voice again, sounding faintly curious. “Hux, was that the Organa boy? You know, I’ve been very interested in-”

Hux cut him off again, bidding him to wait. Kylo knew he was pressing his luck eavesdropping like this, and hurried off down the stairs, forgetting all about the laundry basket. One would have thought his mind would be buzzing with the mention of the Resistance, but all he could think about was how he’d disappointed Hux _again_, about how closely Jack and Hux had been to each other.

Kylo went down the hallway to the garage again. He thought Hux might be glad if he checked in on the other two. He heard loud voices and opened the door to find the two men standing around Clarence’s hutch dropping screws and nails from the crates inside. Clarence was huddled inside her little enclosure, nose twitching in fear.

Kylo’s stomach lurched, and he stumbled into the room, his panic temporarily overcoming his compulsion not to speak except when necessary. “Hey! Leave her alone!” He cried.

One of the men looked over at him, a cruel smile on his face. “Well, look at that! The dog speaks!”

“I would have thought he could only bark. Fetch. You know, roll over.” The other man said with a leer.

Kylo stood just outside their reach, every muscle in his body taut. He wanted to snatch Clarence out of their reach, but he thought there might be consequences if he tried.

“Yeah, I can bite too, asshole. Back off,” He snapped, shocked by his own feral aggressiveness. He didn’t know he had it in him, but the sight of Clarence in danger had him seeing red, and he didn’t owe these people anything. They were more like bullies than the unquestionable authority of Hux or Phasma. He would never _dream_ of saying anything close to them.

The men blinked in surprise. They hadn’t been expecting him to fight back. Kylo hadn’t been expecting it either. One of the men got his composure back first. “Big man now, but how about when we tell your master that you’ve been so rude to us? I’m sure he won’t be very happy.”

The thought sent a wave of reality crashing over Kylo. If Hux found out what he’d said… His recently healed ankle twinged and he stumbled a little. The men saw it and their smiles widened. “Can you just… leave her alone?” He said weakly, regretting his outburst already.

They looked at each other. “What’ll you give us for it?” One of the men said. “Seems to me like you owe us a little something.”

“Oh, look at him. There’s nothing he could do. Looks like a strong wind would blow him over.” The second man said.

“I bet he’s gotten real good at sucking cock.” The first man said to the second with a sneer.

Kylo froze, feeling cold. Any latent resistance had departed as quickly as it had arrived. The baldness of the statement shocked him. He just wanted them to leave, he just wanted this over with.

Phasma’s voice cut in from the doorway, sounding irritated. “For fuck’s sake, leave him alone.”

They looked disappointed to have their fun interrupted. “Oh, what are you going to do about it?”

Phasma raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Nothing, but I hope you like the cold.”

One of them looked confused. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I only mention it because Hux will have you sent to a Serbian gulag if he finds out you’ve been touching things that belong to him. You better have a good parka handy.” Phasma said.

The men looked irritated, but properly concerned at the threat of Hux’s displeasure. “Fine. Whatever. We’ll wait in the car.” One of them said, beckoning the other to follow him back outside.

Phasma hit the clicker to close the garage door. Kylo rushed over to Clarence’s hutch once they were gone and picked her up, holding her close to his chest and calming her down. Her little heart was beating very quickly.

Phasma still stood in the doorway watching him. Her expression was unreadable. He couldn’t get a read on her. Her direct gaze made him nervous in the same way Hux did. She spoke before leaving. “See you around, kid.”

Kylo made sure all of the nails and screws were cleaned out before putting Clarence back down. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, calming down a little now that she was safe.

He wandered back to the front hall. Phasma and the two men seemed to have departed because their car was gone, but Jack was still here. Eventually, Jack and Hux came back down the stairs. They looked at ease, close, too close. Kylo bit down so hard on his cheek that he tasted blood.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. I know that warehouse thing caught us all by surprise.” Hux was saying.

Jack leaned in, laughed. His teeth were too straight. He was so handsome and confident. Kylo caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was skinny, skittish, dark circles under his eyes. There was no comparison between the two.

“Kylo, get Jack his jacket.” Hux snapped his fingers. Like he was stupid for not thinking of it first. Like he was a slave. Like he was a fucking dog. Hux didn’t even look at him.

Kylo swallowed through a lump in his throat and stepped forward, slow, too slow.

“_Now_, I said. Not next week.” Hux scolded, smacking the back of his head. Kylo flinched.

He grabbed the jacket off the coat rack, handed it to Jack at arm’s length like it was a plague rag, avoiding eye contact.

Jack took the jacket. He was laughing again. “You’ve got some work to do on this one yet. Looks like he could use a good fuck.”

Hux rolled his eyes good-naturedly, ushering Jack to the door. “When I need your opinion, Jack, I’ll ask for it. I want something that lasts, not a one-night stand.”

_Some thing_. _Thing_. Kylo blinked, tears surfacing. That was him.

Hux closed the door after Jack. He was still smiling. He turned absently to Kylo. “How long until dinner? I’ve got a few things left to do, but I’m getting pretty hungry.”

Kylo just looked at him. He scrubbed tears frantically with the back of his hand.

Hux looked at him. “Have you even started? It’s been an entire hour.”

Had it been that long? He hadn’t noticed. Kylo couldn’t meet his eyes. He shook his head miserably. He had so much leftover energy from the afternoon that he didn’t know what to do with it.

Hux frowned, running a finger through the dust on the side table. “You didn’t even finish dusting. What is wrong with you today? Do you _want_ me to get angry?”

Residual, ever-present fear rushed into Kylo’s heart, and he shook his head frantically.

Hux huffed. “Well, I’d suggest you get started on dinner. We’ll talk about this later.”

Kylo quailed. He knew what that meant. Hux would beat him black-and-blue, he wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week. Words and protestations crowded under his tongue, longing to be let loose. He just wanted to explain himself, to get some kind of reassurance from Hux that he was valued.

Jack and the rest of them had looked at him like he was dirt on the bottom of his shoe, an amusing toy to be kicked around and discarded. He’d implied that this was how Hux thought too. Kylo didn’t think Hux thought that way, but he hadn’t refuted Jack. Maybe he was getting tired of Kylo. He’d taken everything from him, wrung all the suffering and tears he could out of him, and maybe he wanted something different now. Someone brash and handsome like Jack. Kylo was suddenly terrified. Was that all he was? Something to clean Hux’s house and to listen to his day and warm his bed? Not a person, just. A thing. The way he’d been treated in the past hour was just driving it home for him.

Hux didn’t wait for an answer (why would he?) and walked away. When he wandered into the kitchen half an hour later to check on dinner, Kylo had a knife in his left hand and was slicing short, horizontal slices into his forearm. There were more than half a dozen already.

Hux rushed forward and tore the knife out of his hand, throwing it to clatter into the sink. Blood dripped down Kylo’s forearm to fall on the floor. He stared forward, eyes red. His chest heaved, and he waited to be struck. He even wanted it. At least then Hux would be paying attention to him. Anything but the callous Hux of the past few days.

Hux’s voice, when it came, was slow and measured. “What. Do you think. You’re doing?”

Kylo trembled, heart racing. It wasn’t a real question. It was never a real question. He didn’t get to answer. All of a sudden, it was just too much. A cast-iron pan simmered on the stove. He lunged for it around Hux, managing to catch the edge of it with his fingers before Hux yanked him away, taking him by the forearms and slamming him back against the wall.

Kylo gasped and shook. His fingers throbbed where they’d been burned. His forearm ached where Hux’s fingers dug into his cuts. The pain was a good distraction.

“Kylo, if you’re trying to piss me off, you’re doing a very good job.” Hux’s voice was low and dangerous. “Stop acting like a fucking child. Why are you behaving like this? If you need pain, I can give you pain.”

Kylo couldn’t take it anymore. He leaned his head on Hux’s chest, shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. His temples pounded in frustration. Hux was asking him questions he couldn’t answer. Didn’t he know that? He was setting him up for failure at every turn, and he didn’t even seem to care.

Hux sighed, but let him cry for a few minutes. “Okay. Go kneel in the living room. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Kylo stumbled away from him, sniffling and cradling his injuries. Blood rushed to his head as he sank down to the ground in front of Hux’s armchair. He sat, dull, waiting for Hux to come in with a whip or a brand, or, hell, a fucking burning poker to impale him with. At this point, he’d take anything as long as Hux was touching him, paying attention to him. He didn’t think he could take it if Hux ignored him anymore. It was confusing and torturous and he couldn’t handle it.

But when Hux finally walked in, he was carrying a bowl of warm water, ointment, and some bandages. He’d washed Kylo’s blood off his hands first. He sat down in the armchair and held his hand out for Kylo’s arms. Kylo sat in breathless silence while Hux washed and bandaged his injuries, binding them tight and secure. The hypnotic, comforting feeling of Hux’s hands on him was enough to lull him into a false sense of security he was sure wouldn’t last.

When Hux was done with that, he chained Kylo’s hands to his collar with a few inches of slack to hang. It was something to concentrate on, anyway.

Hux stroked his hair. Kylo leaned into it. “Okay. Now we’re going to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

Kylo tensed for the coming blow, but none came. Instead, Hux looked down at him, face open and waiting. He didn’t know what to do. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wasn’t allowed to say.

“Tell me what’s going on, Kylo.” Hux said, voice even.

At the thought of speaking, a bone-deep panic rose up in Kylo. He couldn’t talk. Whenever he did, he only got himself into trouble. He didn’t want to. It wasn’t worth it. He clamped his mouth shut and shook his head.

Hux laughed quietly. “I’m glad the lesson is sticking so well, but you need to obey me when I’m telling you to talk same as when I tell you not to. Speak.”

Kylo fought to push down the rising panic. He cleared his throat tentatively, looking up into Hux’s face to see if there was any deceit there. He didn’t see any. He cleared his throat again. His face felt hot and tight from crying earlier.

“I…” Kylo’s voice came out croaky and almost incoherent from disuse. It sounded strange coming out of his mouth. He jumped at the sound of it and faltered, ready for Hux to punish him for speaking. Nothing happened. Hux’s calming fingers continued to rub circles into his temples.

“Are you going to get tired of me?” He asked quietly, croaky voice nearly unintelligible.

Hux frowned and his fingers stopped rubbing circles. Kylo felt immediate dread of saying the wrong thing, but Hux had insisted on the truth. “Why would you think that?”

Kylo was already pulling back, shrugging and trying to duck his head away. Hux gave a quick tug on the choke collar to stop him. Kylo winced at the pain.

“Kylo.” Hux warned.

“The… Jack. He acted like, like, um, like I was… I don’t know… a thing or something.” Kylo mumbled, ears heating with embarrassment. “And, and, you laughed. And the way you were touching him, I only thought…” Kylo trailed off, clearing his throat again, unused to talking this much.

Hux was completely blank for a moment, before his face started to brighten. “Are you telling me you were _jealous_? Is that it?” He laughed.

Kylo froze. “No, no, I know that I don’t get to… I belong to you, you’re not mine, I know that, I know that, it’s just… I got scared, I’m sorry.”

“What scared you? Specifically?” Hux asked, not letting up on him a bit.

Kylo stared forward, wanting to cry again. His arms were starting to ache from their position. He wrapped his fingers around the chains to take some of the pressure off. It was a long time before he got up the nerve to say anything. “I, I, um, I thought that maybe… Now that you got what you wanted from me… You’d… um… you’d want him.” He winced even as he said the words.

“You think I’d just discard you? Just like that?” Hux asked, sounding genuinely confused.

The line of Kylo’s mouth was thin and unhappy. He assumed the meaning was clear. _Maybe_. Hux had become his whole world, and he was confronting the idea that it wasn’t the same for Hux. This wasn’t exactly _surprising_, but it was upsetting in an unquantifiable way.

“Oh, you silly thing. Why do you think I would have spent so much time training you if I didn’t want you?” Hux said.

Kylo shrugged.

Hux pulled his head up so they were nearly touching noses. Kylo felt caught, like a prey animal. “Listen to me. Listen to me very well. You are precious to me. You are everything that I want. I will never tire of you. Understand? _Never_. Do you believe me?”

Kylo looked into his eyes. He still felt like he was behind that pane of clouded glass. He could almost hear the Rey voice trying to surface, trying to tell him something, but he ignored it. He couldn’t expend any energy on anything that wasn’t brute survival. After everything he had gone through on Hux’s part, it was inexpressibly awful to him that Hux would just decide that he didn’t want Kylo anymore. He craved Hux’s approval like nothing else, and this statement helped convince him that Hux really cared for him. He had to believe that. He had no other choice.

Kylo nodded, and Hux kissed his forehead.

He pulled back and saw that Kylo still looked a little uncertain. “You don’t believe me?” He asked.

Kylo backpedaled to convince Hux. His voice still sounded like something disconnected from him, croaky and awful. “No, no, I do believe you, I just…”

Hux took his hand and rubbed his thumb over his palm. “I understand. It’s hard for you to trust me. I get it. In your position, you have every right to be a little uncertain. How about this? I’ll give you a little something, as kind of a promise that I won’t tire of you. Would you like that?”

Kylo nodded gratefully, eyes wide. “Yes,” He croaked.

Hux pulled him in for a hug, stroking his hair gently. “Okay, honey. We’ll do that tomorrow. I’m happy you behaved so well for me today, by the way. I’m glad that I can trust you around other people.”

Kylo huddled in closer to Hux, thinking guiltily of what he’d said to the two men in the garage. He knew Hux would most likely retract his praise if he knew. That woman, Phasma, must have heard what he said, but she kept her own council. At this moment, he was just relieved the cool Hux from the past few days was gone.

* * *

The next day, Hux brought him into the master bathroom and asked him to take his shirt off. Kylo did, folding it and placing it on the sink. He was curious about what Hux had for him. Hux had kept the whole thing very secret.

Hux came into the room. He was wearing slacks and a black t-shirt, about as casual as he ever got. He was holding something behind his back.

“Okay, I’ve got two things for you. I think they will help you settle in.” Hux said, seemingly sincere.

Kylo hesitated. He really hated surprises, but Hux had promised this would be a good thing. He tried to peek behind Hux, but Hux just laughed and moved it out of sight again.

“Alright, alright. I wanted to wait until you were… more settled to do this, but I think that now’s the right time.” Hux said.

Kylo widened his eyes and shrugged his shoulders as if to say _Well, what is it?_ He’d gotten very expressive without speaking.

Hux pulled out the thing behind his back. At first, Kylo had no idea what it was. It was an interlocking series of leather straps and metal rings and buckles. It looked very complicated and seemingly had no purpose. He frowned quizzically. His heart started to beat a little faster.

Hux held two straps so it hung vertically. “It’s a harness.” He explained. “It’ll hook around your arms and torso. It will just make it easier to tether you to things. This way, you’ll be more available. You won’t wear this all the time, but just, on special occasions.”

Hux’s voice roughened a little when he thought about it.

Kylo felt completely frozen. He didn’t know how to react. His instinctive reaction was that he didn’t want that fucking thing anywhere near him. The idea made his skin crawl, but he knew he had to be careful here. Hux had said the purpose of this was to make him feel more secure. And it certainly would, at that.

Rey’s voice rose up in his mind and started scratching at the back of his mind. _This isn’t normal_, she worried. _You shouldn’t be okay with this. Don’t let yourself be okay with this, Kylo_.

It was getting easier and easier to shove that voice back down into his subconscious. Kylo thought about the harness being added to his permanent accoutrements along with the collar and cuffs. Just another thing marking him as owned, subjugated, broken. _No_, he told himself. _It means Hux loves you. It means he cares enough about you to take care of you_. He thought if he kept telling himself that, he might start to believe it.

Kylo reached a hand up tentatively, asking with his eyes if he could touch it.

“Go ahead.” Hux said, allowing Kylo to run his fingers over the buckles and rings. It looked very secure, very permanent. Kylo swallowed and nodded.

While Hux got behind him and started to fasten the harness, Kylo almost bolted for the door, but then stopped himself with a force of will. That kind of thinking wouldn’t get him anywhere. Hux was pleased, even excited about this. He should be too. Kylo told himself firmly that the lump in his throat was from excitement, that the knots in his stomach were a reaction to Hux’s generosity.

Two rings on the front rested beneath Kylo’s collarbones, while the leather harness itself stretched across his chest. There were more straps and rings in the back, and Hux busied himself tightening them all. When they were in place, he set out to buckle the straps in. The harness tightened around Kylo’s chest and torso, snug and well-fitting. Kylo breathed out through his nose, telling himself firmly this was comforting. He wheezed out a breath when the harness was tightened, although it didn’t cut off his breathing at all. His hands were squeezing themselves into fists out of his control. There was no lock on this one. Hux knew Kylo wouldn’t be trying to take it off.

Once the harness was in place, Hux grabbed the convenient strap on the back (_A handle, he’s got a fucking handle to grab you_, his traitor voice hissed in his mind) and tugged him backwards. Kylo rocked backwards on his heels, leaning back into Hux’s chest. He realized he was too stiff. He tried to relax a little.

Hux tugged on the harness again and nuzzled into his neck, nipping him quick. Kylo jerked. “Do you like it?” Hux asked in a low voice, breath brushing his ear.

Kylo nodded. Of course he did. Why wouldn’t he? Once it was on… it wasn’t _so _bad. With the warm press of Hux’s chest against his back, and Hux’s strength holding up all his weight, the panicky, cowardly voice in his head seemed farther and farther away, like it was connected to another person. He’d endured worse than this.

“This will make bed much easier. I can just hook the harness to the straps, tighten them down so you’re flat on your back, or just chain your hands to it before we go to bed. I can use it if I need to keep you anywhere. It would be so much better than the cage, don’t you think?” Hux sighed, voice a little rough.

Kylo thought about that. Hux could just have bolts anywhere in the house, just tie him to it and leave him there. And Kylo would stay too. He wouldn’t try to get out. He would just wait there, tied up until Hux came back. He didn’t know what it meant that the idea even had a certain appeal. He might be sicker than he thought.

“Here. Turn around.” Hux said. He attached a short chain to one of Kylo’s wrist cuffs, pulling his wrist back behind his neck. There was a ring in the harness directly in the center of his back between his shoulder blades. Hux threaded the chain through that ring, and then hooked it to Kylo’s other wrist. Kylo’s wrists were left tied together behind his head, his elbows framing his head, pushing his chin down. He could only see as high as Hux’s shoulders. Kylo gasped, tugged on his restraints, but found them very sturdy.

Hux told him to sit on the edge of the bathtub while he prepared something. Kylo did, looking at the crisscrossing scars on his legs. One grouping over his right thigh looked like a crude H. Hux laid a few things out on the sink, washed his hands, and then did something else before turning around with a needle. Kylo could only see his hands, not his face, and this was admittedly alarming. He stiffened and tried to edge back, but as he was on the edge of the tub, he didn’t have anywhere to go. One repeated thought ricocheted through his mind with panicked intensity. _Where was that needle going to go?_

Hux was wearing gloves and carrying an alcohol swab. “Hold still, Kylo. It’ll only hurt for a moment.”

Kylo’s breath was coming quick, but he didn’t move. Hux leaned down over him and swabbed his nose thoroughly, inside and out. Kylo could feel the alcohol on his skin evaporating. He was still very stiff. This was testing the limits of his promise to himself to go along with whatever Hux wanted. The idea of that needle coming anywhere near him caused his breath to hitch. He didn’t even have his ears pierced, so he had no metric for what this was going to feel like. He had so few unmarked parts of his body anymore. He didn’t want this to happen, but Hux did, and that was more important.

Hux put his free hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “One quick pinch and it’ll be over. Do you think you can hang on for me?”

Kylo’s eyes were wide and trained on that needle, but he forced himself to close his eyes and relax. He wasn’t able to nod with the way his head was positioned, but Hux took this as assent.

It didn’t hurt as much as Kylo feared. He’d had much worse these past few months. The needle went in through his septum. The sharp pain went to Kylo’s head, waking him up like a slap to the face. He gasped in a breath. His eyes started watering involuntarily although his dismay was a buzzing background noise way down. Just a reaction to the piercing. After the needle went in, Hux disappeared for a moment and came back with a nose ring which he inserted into Kylo’s septum. It was over before Kylo even had time to work himself up about it.

He opened his eyes, blinking away the tears. Hux was back at the sink, clearing things up. Kylo went cross-eyed trying to look at the nose ring, but he couldn’t see anything. His nose throbbed with a steady ache, but it wasn’t too bad. Nothing he couldn’t handle.

Hux turned around and hunkered down in front of him again, smiling and admiring the bull ring. “Looks good on you. It takes a few weeks to heal, but once it does, I’ll be able to use it to tether you to things. I think I’ll only use that when you’ve misbehaved, though. I like seeing your face.”

Kylo blinked rapidly, trying to get used to the strange sensation of the septum piercing. It was an odd, cold weight on his nose that hadn’t been there before.

Hux unhooked his hands to give his neck a break, pulling them behind his back instead, the chain attached to one of the rings on the back of his new harness. Kylo stretched his neck, looking up at Hux.

Hux pulled him to his feet by his collar. There was a small bit of blood that had dripped down Kylo’s lips and onto his chin. One finger still hooked in his collar, Hux smiled and leaned down, lapping up the blood on his chin and lips. Kylo let out a thin noise and his eyes fluttered. Hux leaned down and kissed him, growling and biting his lips for good measure. Hux’s nose bumped Kylo’s nose ring accidentally, and he whimpered.

Hux pulled back, his eyes half-lidded and dark. There was a smear of blood on the side of his mouth. “I love you so much.” He breathed.

Hux turned Kylo around to look at himself in the mirror. He made quite a sight. Wild hair, dark circles under his eyes, studded collar around his neck and matching leather harness, hands tied behind his back. The nose ring was shiny metal, just another claim Hux had made on him. Blood on his lips, mouth open just so. Hux stood behind him, chin resting on his shoulder and two fingers hooked in the front of his collar. He was smiling lazily, a cat with a mouse resting between his paws.

Kylo hadn’t had much opportunity to look at himself over the past few months, but now that he was taking a good look, he realized something was different. It wasn’t just the collar, or the scars. No, there was something in his eyes that was fundamentally changed. A resignation, an acquiescence to being owned. It was more than resignation. It was acceptance. He knew he belonged to Hux now, not only in word but in deed.

He leaned back into Hux’s grip, letting himself melt. Hux growled in approval, dipping in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, we are getting wild in this Chili's tonight, fellas. Welcome to chapter 20 of this fic, where I decide now is apparently the time to introduce a plot. Although Kylo doesn't realize it, plenty has been going on outside of this house. There is a lot of concern for the rabbit in here, and I just don't understand why you're all so suspicious of Hux lmao?? Where's the trust!
> 
> Also, idk if anyone is interested, but I posted my writing playlist for this fic on playmoss (rip 8tracks :(( ) complete with annotations for which song belongs to who. [Check it out](https://playmoss.com/en/howlingshame-2/playlist/keep-in-the-dark-to-stay-out-of-the-light) if you'd like.


	21. Chapter 21

Kylo’s septum piercing took two months to heal. Hux kept it clean and free from infection, making sure it healed with no complications. Eventually, he was able to tug on it lightly without causing Kylo any pain. He became a little obsessed with it, tugging on the ring to lead him places or to pull him in for a kiss. Hux took a few pictures of Kylo with the nose ring in, admiring it whenever he could.

Kylo barely touched it. Privately, he liked to pretend it wasn’t there, but whenever Hux asked him if he liked it, he told him of course he did. It was different than the collar and the harness, that he hoped would be taken off one day. Hux had eventually replaced the choke collar with a regular brown leather one, although it was sturdy and with locking buckles. The nose ring could be taken out, but he’d always have the hole. Just like the scars from his whipping and the limp from his broken ankle, they were permanent. Even if it closed up, he’d always know it was there.

Hux had been leaving him alone in the house during the days for a few weeks now, and Kylo never betrayed his trust. Sometimes, Hux would tie him to a wall or piece of furniture using the harness, and on those days, Kylo would stay there obediently all day, even if he technically could have gotten loose. It just went to show how much Hux trusted him now, that he allowed him to show that he could be good. Sometimes, Hux gave him a task to do, sometimes he just left him there. Kylo would sit where he’d been left, trying his best to keep his mind blank. Thinking too much always seemed to get him in trouble. When Hux came home on these days, he always looked pleased to find Kylo where he’d left him. He’d tug him to his feet by the collar and kiss him breathless. Kylo would melt with the praise.

After a few weeks of this, increasingly, there would be days where he would be allowed free rein. The office upstairs remained locked, but the rest of the house was available to him. On those days, after he’d finished his set chores, Kylo would wander aimless around the house, the novelty of being able to walk around unsupervised dizzying.

He tended to avoid the basement. There were too many bad memories down there. One day, he went down there. The room was dingy and gray. The cage he’d spent most of his time in looked so small. He couldn’t believe he’d spent months down here. Kylo touched the metal bars, shivering. This room just reminded him of being bad, of having to be trained, of Hux constantly angry or disappointed. Things were so much better now.

He had Clarence now, and just the simple act of taking care of the rabbit helped calm him down considerably. It was far and away the nicest part of all of this. On days when Hux was particularly short-tempered, Kylo would go into the garage and spend time with the rabbit. As time went on, Kylo started to hate the idea of putting Clarence back into the cage when he needed to leave. He started to leave the top off, figuring that the rabbit had the run of the whole garage. There was no need to keep Clarence in a hutch, no matter how spacious. He didn’t like the idea of the rabbit not being able to run around when she wanted to.

Hux found out about this fairly quickly. He came down the stairs one morning to find the rabbit nosing around in the living room.

“Kylo, get down here!” He shouted, picking the rabbit up by the scruff of the neck.

Kylo hurried down the stairs, clinging onto the bannister for support. He had a hard time with stairs and running now because of his ankle. When he saw Hux holding the rabbit, he drew to a halt and froze, eyes wide, looking a little bit like Clarence himself.

“Tell me something. Why is the rabbit running all over my living room when she should be in the garage?” Hux asked, tone icy.

Kylo’s hands rose up like he wanted to take the rabbit from Hux, although he stayed rooted to the spot. “_Please_… don’t hurt her.” Kylo whispered.

“That’s not an answer, Kylo.” Hux said, tightening his grip a little bit to make the rabbit squeak and kick her feet.

Kylo gasped and took one step forward before remembering himself. “It… it’s my fault. I left the lid off of the hutch. She must have jumped out, I guess.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “And why did you leave the lid off?”

This was an answer Kylo seemed curiously unwilling or unable to give. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and wavered. It took another squeal from the rabbit before he could be compelled to answer. “I…didn’t want her to feel trapped, that’s all.” He said in a rush.

“It’s a rabbit. It doesn’t matter if it feels trapped.” Hux said. He could see the obvious parallel here, even if Kylo didn’t realize it consciously.

Kylo couldn’t look away from the rabbit. His face was pale besides the nose ring, and he very clearly wanted to take her away from Hux. He looked afraid that Hux would dash its skull on the ground. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” He said quickly.

Hux took one step closer, the rabbit swinging in his grip. Kylo seemed more upset about its treatment than the rabbit herself. “I told you at the beginning, Kylo. If you can’t take care of her, then I will take her back.”

Kylo nodded jerkily. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“This is why you need to be careful with your pets. If you’re careless, they will run away from you. Not because they don’t love you, but because they don’t know any better. You don’t want Clarence to run away from you, do you?” Hux asked in a low voice.

Kylo’s wide eyes met his. There was something in them that showed he knew very well what they were talking about. “No, of course not.” He said.

“Then you need to keep the lid on that hutch. I won’t tell you twice.” Hux said, thrusting the rabbit into Kylo’s arms. He took the rabbit gratefully and held her while Clarence nuzzled into his arm, seemingly none the worse for wear after her rough treatment.

Kylo took the rabbit back to the garage and made sure the lid on the hutch was closed this time.

Hux seemed happy these days, showing more regular affection than he used to. Kylo had to work hard to be happy, although he tried. He tried to tell himself he had a good life, cleaning and keeping the house neat, cooking Hux dinner every night. Most days, he’d even be allowed to sit at the table instead of kneeling on the ground. At night, Hux stopped gagging him, just lashed his feet together, his wrists attached by a short chain to the front of his harness, the back of the harness chained to the bed. He could roll over even now. The freedom of movement was the best reward Hux could have given him. The sex was good, Hux would almost always make Kylo come. Everything was good, Kylo told himself sternly at night when Hux was fast asleep, chest pressed against his back and arms wrapped possessively around him. You have no excuse to not be happy. Things were so much better than they used to be. Hux could choose to still hurt him every day, but he didn’t. But no matter how many times he told himself that, and no matter how much he was coming to rely on Hux, he still woke up sometimes shaking and crying. His limp got worse when Hux came home irritated and angry. He still flinched at sudden noises and felt numb and unresponsive a lot of the time. He just couldn’t figure out why.

* * *

About a month after they’d dropped off the boxes in the garage, Hux told him his people were coming back to pick them up. The news made Kylo’s stomach roil, but he didn’t argue.

They pulled up in only one car this time. There were only three of them this time, Phasma, Jack, and one of the men who had come last time. Kylo was relieved to discover that he wasn’t expected to do anything this time. Hux directed them to the garage and they all piled up the crates in the front hall. There seemed to be an intense mood shift from last time they were here. Last time, they were not so much jovial, but everything was business as usual. This time, everyone was quite grim and focused on their work. Kylo stayed out of sight as much as he could, not having any desire to attract any attention from the man who had threatened him last time.

He kept a sharp eye on Jack, every time he got within Hux’s orbit, Kylo clenched his teeth. Hux had thoroughly convinced him that he had nothing to worry about from Jack, but Kylo still didn’t like him. He was overly familiar with Hux, like he was trying to ingratiate himself, like he wanted something. Kylo didn’t like the idea of somebody taking advantage of Hux like that, and he felt like he was the only one who even noticed all his sly smiles and backhanded comments.

Nevertheless, the afternoon was going to pass without incident until they all gathered in the front hall, counting up the boxes, and checking to see everything was accounted for. Hux opened a few of the crates to make sure everything was accounted for. Kylo was hovering in the doorway to the living room and saw the crates were full of automatic weapons, grenades, all highly illegal, especially in such large quantities.

Hux used a crowbar to open one of the crates. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and he was mildly flushed from all the exertion. He looked through the crate and frowned, evidently not seeing what he should. He set that box aside and checked another.

“We’re missing the inventory list.” Hux said to Phasma, mouth a thin line.

Phasma had been pulling her coat on to leave, but turned around at his word. “Did you check all the boxes?” She asked.

“I wouldn’t be mentioning it if I hadn’t.” Hux said flatly. He straightened up, hands on his hips, looking around the room as if it had fallen on the floor.

Phasma heaved a few crates up onto their sides, checking the bottoms to see if the paper had fallen there. “Well, it was there when we brought everything here. I took notice of it myself.” She said.

“We need to find it. It has my name all over it, it has _your_ name all over it. It could be very incriminating if it fell into the wrong hands. I was going to burn it before you left.” Hux said, irritation lacing his voice.

Phasma turned to Jack and the other man, whose name Kylo had heard as Chapman. “Oi, you two? You seen the inventory list?”

Both of them shook their heads. Nobody bothered to ask Kylo. Kylo got the distinct impression that, besides Hux, they had forgotten about his existence. That was fine with him. He was still hovering just inside the other room, observing but not participating.

Hux frowned. “Let’s check the garage. We need to find it before you leave.”

Hux and Phasma walked off to the garage together, while Jack and Chapman stayed behind. The second Hux and Phasma were out of earshot, Chapman turned to Jack, eyes alight. He pulled a sheaf of papers out of his pocket.

“Keep your voice down, but I took the papers.” Chapman said, waving them around.

Jack’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and he took a step back. His eyes flickered over to where Hux and Phasma had disappeared. “Are you fucking insane? Hux will skin you alive if he finds out.” He hissed, not wanting to be too loud.

“He’s not going to find out.” Chapman sneered. “I know you’re not stupid, Jack. You see which way the wind is blowing. Maybe not today, maybe not in a few months, but sooner or later, the Resistance is going to be breathing down our fucking necks, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my ass in the line of fire when Hux orders us to take them out or die trying. I’m taking this to the police. Today. I reckon I can get a pretty good deal. Turn in Armitage Hux of the First Order? Maybe Phasma and Snoke too for good measure? All for some measly witness protection. They’ll _jump_ at the chance. Help me, man. We’ll do it together.”

Kylo sucked in a breath in shock. Turn Hux in to the police? That couldn’t happen. That wasn’t possible.

Jack seemed to have a similar view, because he stared at Chapman in surprise. “You think that’s really going to work? You’re dumber than I thought if you think you can get one over on Hux. They’ll catch you before you can even set foot in the door of a police department. Put that in between the boxes, quick, before they get back. We can just pretend it was a mistake.”

Chapman was already shaking his head. “No way, I’m taking my chance. If you’re not going to help me, then I’m out of here.”

Kylo watched as Jack snatched at the papers in Chapman’s hands. Chapman stepped back and tried to keep them out of reach. There was a short, furious scuffle between the two. Jack shoved Chapman against the wall, cracking the hallway mirror. Both of them reached for their guns at the same time, but ultimately Jack was quicker. Jack shot Chapman three times in the chest. Chapman stared at him in surprise and fell to the ground, dead.

Kylo stumbled back a few steps in shock. Still, nobody had noticed him at the threshold to the other room. It was like he was completely invisible. Jack stood over Chapman’s body, gun smoking.

There was a shout of surprise from the garage. Kylo heard Phasma and Hux’s footsteps thundering down the hall to see what had happened.

In the brief few seconds before Hux and Phasma came back into the room, Kylo noticed three very important facts. One, Chapman had lost his grip on one of the papers, and it had fluttered to the ground right next to Kylo’s feet. Two, Jack seemed to have forgotten about his existence. He was standing over Chapman’s body, not paying any attention to Kylo whatsoever. Three, Jack’s jacket was lying over a chair very close to Kylo, unattended.

Before he could think, Kylo scooped up the piece of paper lightning-fast, folded it over, and snuck it into Jack’s jacket, a quarter of it sticking out conspicuously. He took a few steps back into the living room so he was out of sight.

Phasma ran into the room first, followed closely by Hux. They stared at the mess. “What the hell happened?” Hux demanded, fire in his voice.

Jack turned around. He’d put his gun down. He was still clearly frazzled. “It - It happened so fast. When you left the room, Chapman showed me that he’d stolen the papers. He was going to turn you into the police. When I tried to stop him, he threatened to kill me. I shot him first.”

Kylo’s heart felt buoyed by the suspicion on Hux’s face. Jack was telling the truth, but it so clearly sounded like a lie. “You… killed him. And this all happened in the one minute I was gone?” He said, voice icy.

Jack was breathing heavily. “Yes. Like I said, it happened fast. I barely had time to think.”

Kylo knew he needed to make his move quick. He made his presence known, stumbling into the room like he was drawn by the gunshot. Everyone turned to look at him. When he saw Chapman’s body, he gasped in shock that wasn’t feigned and clapped his hands over his mouth. In the process, he bumped the chair with Jack’s jacket with his hip. It fell to the ground, the piece of paper now sticking halfway out.

Hux was already turning his attention back to Jack, but Phasma looked down and saw the jacket. She frowned. “What’s this?” She leaned down and plucked the paper out, unfolding it and seeing what it was. Her brow darkened. “Jack, if Chapman stole the papers, then what is one of them doing in your pocket?”

Jack looked absolutely gobsmacked. “I don’t – how the hell should _I_ know? It must have fallen in the scuffle, I guess.”

Hux saw the paper in Phasma’s hand, and he made several connections in a few seconds. He turned to Jack. Kylo was exhilarated to see he was looking at Jack in the same way he looked at Kylo after he’d done something wrong. He had never seen this murderous look directed at another person before.

“You expect me to believe that this incriminating piece of paper just _happened_ to fall into your jacket pocket? How stupid do you think I am, Jack?” Hux said, tone almost flat but with the threat of violence lying just beneath.

Judging from Jack’s face, he seemed to have figured out just how dangerous a line he was skirting here. Fear entered into his face for the first time. “Hux, come on. Come on! It was an accident. It was Chapman! Not me, I would never betray you. You have to believe me.”

Hux didn’t deign this plea with anything more than disdain. He looked over at Phasma, one eyebrow raised. “What do you think?”

Phasma took a few seconds to think about it. She towered over the other two men. “I think it’s an awfully big coincidence. And I don’t believe in coincidences.”

Hux looked at Kylo, who was still standing at the edge of the group. “Kylo, did you see what happened?” He demanded.

Kylo didn’t let himself stop to think. He spoke, eyes wide, voice trembling. “I – I was in the other room. I heard them arguing.” This wasn’t, strictly speaking, a lie. If Hux asked him, point-blank, what he’d seen, there was no way he would be able to lie. But this, a little skirting of the truth… He could do that.

Hux turned back to Jack. It was plain that he had already made up his mind. Jack saw it too. He blanched.

“Hux, please. We’ve known each other for a while. Why would I do it?” Jack pleaded.

“I don’t know, but you happen to be around quite a bit when things go wrong, Jack… This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I seem to recall you being there when our warehouse was broken into. I suppose that was a just a coincidence, too?” Hux drawled.

“Okay, look, Hux. I will freely admit to you that I knew about the warehouse before it happened, but I had a damn good reason for it, and I would love to tell you about it. I _promise_ you’ll understand, but on God, I did not have _anything_ to do with this! It was Chapman and all Chapman.”

Jack continued to plead his case, but Hux was done listening. He cut him off and turned to Phasma. “Phasma, will you join me in the other room? Kylo, watch him. If he tries to run, shout for me.”

Kylo nodded and watched Hux and Phasma walk to the next room. Phasma took his gun before she went. Jack was worried, he was more worried, but he stood his ground. Phasma had the keys, and he wouldn’t gain much by running. He looked frantically around the room before his eyes landed on Kylo. He paused and frowned, looking at his jacket lying on the ground, Kylo’s proximity to it. Realization crossed his face.

“_You._ You did this.” Jack gasped.

Kylo took a few steps forward, glanced over cautiously to make sure Hux and Phasma were out of earshot. He glared at Jack. “You can’t have him.” He croaked. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. He hadn’t had power over anything in months. It felt intoxicating, dangerous.

Jack blinked in confusion. “Who? _Hux_? Are you crazy? I was just cozying up to him because he’s the boss and it can’t hurt to have him fond of you. I never wanted to _be _with him. He’d probably eat me alive. I mean, Christ, look at _you_.”

“You asked what he was like. Now you’ll never know.” Kylo said, a dull feeling of satisfaction that he hadn’t felt for months coursing through him.

Jack looked at him like he was recognizing him as a human being for the very first time. “Oh, you backstabbing little _shit_. I thought you were as good as catatonic, you – _fuck_!”

Kylo straightened his spine. His hands were claws, his eyes bright. “You have _no idea_ what I go through for him. I have to do everything right. _Everything_. The cost of getting something wrong is-” He cut off, couldn’t help but shiver.

Jack started to speak. “Look-”

Kylo took a step forward and interrupted him. His voice hissed out between his teeth. “No, you don’t get it. _I’m_ there when he wakes up in the morning, _I_ make sure everything is perfect when he comes home at night. I have to let him touch me whenever he wants, I have to let him hurt me whenever he wants. _I_ get tied up and have my nose pierced when I don’t want it. _I_ let him fuck me however he likes, _I’m_ the one who has to somehow read his mind and know his every thought and mood! _Me_! Not you! And if I manage to do that, then maybe, _maybe_, he’ll be kind to me. _Maybe_. That is _all that I have_. And I’m not going to let you steal it from me. I earned it.”

Kylo’s chest heaved after his speech. That was more than he’d spoken in a long, long time. His hands were fists at his sides, tendons on his neck were standing out. He felt unhinged, half-feral. He realized dimly that he was shaking.

Jack was staring at him, eyes wide. He took in the collar, the nose ring, the bruises along Kylo’s jaw from where Hux had grabbed him last night.

“He’s… he’s fucking scrambled your brains, man! Look, I’m not going to pretend I know what it’s like. But, looking at you, I, I can guess. I was an asshole, I get it. But it doesn’t have to be like this. I can help you.” Jack spoke earnestly. And why wouldn’t he? His life depended on it.

Kylo let out a half-hysterical caw of laughter. “An hour ago, I was some brainless toy you could torment. But now that you’re in trouble, you have, what, sympathy for me? Give me a fucking break.”

Jack’s mouth opened and closed. He evidently didn’t know how to talk to Kylo, to get through to someone so damaged. He wasn’t sure which tack to use. “Look, I’ll make a deal with you. Tell Hux the truth, tell him Chapman was the one who stole the papers, and I’ll be in your fucking debt. Look, I’ll come back tomorrow, after Hux leaves for work. I’ve got a car, I can get you out of here. I’ll drive you back home, I’ll get you halfway across the country, I’ll smuggle you into Canada. Whatever you want. I’ll take you so far away he’ll never be able to touch you again. On my word.”

Kylo shook his head slowly, a horrible, barely sane smile on his face. His eyes were dark bruises in his face. “You just don’t get it. That’s not how it works. You run, Hux catches you. Then he punishes you. There’s nothing you can do to get out of it. There are no shortcuts or escape hatches or excuses. You do what Hux says, or you suffer the consequences.”

Jack actually took a step back from Kylo. Real fear had crossed his face. He knew he had been skirting danger by flirting with Hux, but he had never really realized how close to the fire he was. Looking at Kylo, who had been broken beyond repair, he began to have an inkling of how much trouble he was in.

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Hux and Phasma returning. Jack looked at him again, eyes wild. “Come on. I can help you!”

Kylo was still. “I used to be like you. I used to think I could break the rules and get away with it. You’ll see.”

Hux and Phasma entered the room, faces grim. Phasma had a hand on her hip holster. “Jack. I think it’s best if you come with me.”

Jack spun around and pointed a finger at Kylo. “It was him! He saw what happened and he’s trying to frame me!”

Kylo felt nerves grip the back of his neck. He was incapable of lying to Hux. If he asked him, he would be compelled to answer.

Hux didn’t take the bait. He had eyes only for Jack. “Don’t embarrass yourself, Jack. You probably should have thought twice before you decided to steal from me. If this was the first incident, maybe I’d be more inclined to believe you. But now this is a pattern.”

Jack groaned in frustration. “Hux, I don’t know what else to tell you. It wasn’t me! Your little bitch here is fucking delusional and jealous and he just wants me out of the way!”

Hux’s face shut down, a cold mask fell into place. “What did you just call him?”

Jack seemed to have realized he misspoke, but it was too late. He just had to power through. “I don’t want to cast aspersions on you, Hux, you know I wouldn’t dream of it, but your brainwashed plaything here seems to have a very skewed sense of reality. But I don’t and you don’t. We understand each other. Now, I told you that time in Baltimore was an honest mistake, and I thought you believed me!”

“I did. Until you just admitted to lying to me.” Hux said coldly. Jack was too busy talking to notice, but Kylo, so cued into every change in his mood, saw that Hux was done listening to excuses. He had already made up his mind about Jack, and no amount of beating around the bush was going to change it.

Hux cut Jack off with a hand. “I’m not interested in what you have to say, Jack. Now make this easier on everyone and get into the car with Phasma.”

Jack was ready to continue arguing until kingdom come, although he finally seemed to realize that it was all over. When Phasma took a step toward him, he reeled on Kylo, grabbed his head between his hands, and slammed it back against the wall so hard the plaster cracked. Kylo cried out and saw stars. He fell to the ground and then all hell broke loose.

Phasma took a shot at Jack, who rolled out of the way at the last moment. He scrambled forward, threw an elbow around Kylo’s neck, and hauled him to his feet by the collar, using him as a shield. Kylo choked and spluttered. His vision was swimming, and he had a hard time thinking straight. His head felt like it had been cleft in two. Phasma narrowed her eyes and lifted her pistol again.

Hux interjected, voice sharp. He was pacing forward, shoulders back and head down aggressively. “Don’t, you’ll hit Kylo!”

Jack dragged Kylo back a few steps, reaching behind him for the doorknob. Almost all of Kylo’s weight was being held up by Jack’s tight grip.

“Kylo, put your thumbs in his eyes. Now!” Hux commanded him.

As if Hux’s voice unlocked his ability to fight back, Kylo reached back and managed to hit one of Jack’s eyes. He let go of Kylo with a cry and stumbled back, clutching one eye. Phasma took her chance, shooting once. The retort was deafening in the small hallway. Jack was hit in the leg, and he collapsed to one knee.

Kylo was swaying, dizzy from the head trauma and the sudden violence. He blinked tears away and narrowed his eyes at Jack, managing to stumble forward and spit on him, trying to convey all his contempt and anger. His feet tangled in each other, and he slid down the wall.

Jack was trying to crawl to the door, his breath coming heavy and fast. “_You… you can’t… do this to me_!”

Phasma stepped forward to finish the job, but Hux put a hand on her arm to stop her. While Jack crawled for his life toward the door, Hux took a few unhurried steps over to the crates where he’d left the crowbar. He picked it up in one hand and turned toward Jack.

Jack saw Hux coming, and his face drained of blood. “_Jesus Christ, Hux! Don’t kill me! I didn’t DO anything!”_ He screeched.

Hux planted one foot on his chest so he couldn’t move and hefted the crowbar with two hands. “I wasn’t actually planning on killing you, Jack. But I want you to understand something very important. Nobody lies to me. Nobody steals from me. Nobody touches him but me.”

Hux hefted the crowbar. Jack screamed. Hux swung the crowbar. Jack made a strangled howl as his head snapped to the side. Blood spattered the floor in a corona. Jack’s head hung to the side, his jaw seemingly unhinged from its normal position. Kylo stared in open-mouthed, dizzy shock. Nestled in a gobbet of blood that had landed near his hand was a human tooth.

A moaning, guttural sound broke the shocked silence of the room. Kylo thought it was blood rushing through his ears, but then he realized it was Jack. He wasn’t dead.

Hux calmly stepped away from Jack and put the crowbar back onto one of the crates. It was encrusted with blood and hair. He had blood splatters all the way up to his waist.

Phasma had watched this entire thing without moving a muscle. Kylo felt like the world was spinning under his feet. He looked up at her unemotional face and realized this wasn’t the first time she’d seen Hux do something like this. A horrified thrill coursed through him.

“You want me to finish the job, boss?” She asked, looking down at the moaning, mutilated Jack with something approaching contempt.

Hux turned around to face her. He wasn’t even out of breath. “No, I don’t think so. I think he’s learned his lesson. He can still be useful. You’ll need to get him fixed up, however. I can entrust you with that? If he survives, he survives. If not, it’s no real loss.”

Phasma nodded, not phased in the slightest. She walked forward and grabbed Jack underneath the armpits and started to drag him towards the door. Jack let out a clicking noise from his throat. His head lolled on his shoulders. Dark blood and viscera stained his clothes from throat down to his waist. Kylo avoided looking at him, or he thought he might throw up. He felt like events weren’t syncing up correctly.

Once Phasma was out the door with her charge, Hux’s demeanor changed entirely. He hurried over to Kylo and knelt down next to him, careful fingers probing his injuries, tipping his head from side to side to see how bad it was. “Kylo, are you okay?”

Kylo’s head was still spinning, and he stared at Hux wide-eyed. He didn’t know if he had the mental wherewithal to summon up an emotional reaction to what had just happened. He certainly hadn’t counted on something like that happening to Jack when he decided to do what he did. He just wanted him to lose favor in Hux’s eyes.

Hux seemed worried at his lack of response. He pulled some of Kylo’s hair aside so he could check the back of his head where he was slammed against the wall. “When I saw him grab you, I’m afraid I lost myself there for a minute.” Hux admitted.

There were small streaks of light popping across his field of vision. Kylo didn’t know whether it was from the head trauma or something else. The only thing he could really focus on right now was that Hux was touching him gently, asking after his wellbeing. He’d maimed Jack just because he had the temerity to touch Kylo. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know how that made him feel. He supposed it should scare him, but it didn’t. It made a warm feeling spread through his chest, something akin to happiness.

Hux pulled back, studied his face. “I won’t allow anyone else to harm you. Only me, understand?”

Kylo gaped, stars in his eyes, blood in his hair. He heard himself speaking from far away, his body making a decision his mind couldn’t back up. “I love you,” he blurted out.

Hux stopped, hands still cradling Kylo’s face. A slow smile spread across his face, pleased, possessive, inevitable. He kissed him deeply.

When he pulled back, Phasma had returned. Hux stood up, turning back to her. “I’m sorry I have to saddle you with Chapman’s body as well, but it can’t stay here. I’ll get you something to carry it in.”

Phasma nodded as Hux walked away. It took a few seconds for Kylo to notice that she was looking at him, her dark eyes inquisitive, assessing. She was still a fairly unknown quantity, and she made him nervous.

She knelt down in front of him, forearms resting on her knees. She was strangely bear-like, nothing but pure muscle. Her blue eyes were piercing, intimidating. “So you weren’t here when Jack and Chapman were arguing?”

Kylo tried to rally his thoughts even though he was still queasy and unsteady. Too much had happened in the past few minutes. He hadn’t had a chance to process any of it. He didn’t think he was capable of lying anymore, but he might be able to manage to negate it nonverbally. Maybe. Because it was Phasma and not Hux. He shook his head slowly. He might be able to fool himself into thinking it was less of a lie if he didn’t say it out loud.

She stared at him for another long few seconds. It was clear she didn’t believe him. “You are playing a very dangerous game with him.”

Kylo stared back at her, a humorless look of disbelief crossing his face. He bared his neck to show off the scars, the nose ring, the newly flowering and old yellowing bruises littering his skin. “You think I don’t know that?” He croaked, too out of it to care that his challenging tone was certainly unwise.

Something changed in Phasma’s face. She straightened up a little, raised an eyebrow. She seemed to recognize how much of a toll everything was taking on Kylo, how he was hanging on by a fucking thread. She wasn’t taken by surprise by Kylo’s low desperation like Jack was. She could see that he would do whatever it took to survive.

When Hux returned with a roll of plastic sheeting, Phasma was standing again, leaving Kylo leaning against the wall. She and Hux both took half of Chapman’s body and rolled it up neatly. Their movements were practiced and coordinated, like they’d done this together many times before. They were a good team.

In the end, they managed to fit everything into the car, all crates included. Hux tucked the papers that had caused so much trouble into his pocket, and followed Phasma outside to have a word with her before she left.

Kylo was left alone. Some of his dizziness had receded enough that he felt like he could stand. He planted a hand on the ground, and felt disgust when it landed in the puddle of Jack’s blood. Kylo picked up the tooth and held it in his hand. He still felt disconnected from himself, and examined what had happened fairly critically. He supposed he was happy Jack was out of the way, but the cost was so high.

He stumbled to his feet and glanced out the window to see Hux and Phasma standing side by side discussing something. It didn’t even occur to Kylo to be worried.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. He didn’t know what had possessed him to tell Hux he loved him. It wasn’t true, right? It couldn’t be. Not after everything he’d been through. He loved it when Hux brushed his hair back or told him he was good or kissed him first thing in the morning. But that wasn’t really love. It was just… some sick whiplash. That was all. But he’d said it, unprompted, uncoerced. Didn’t that make it true? No, he’d only said it because he knew it was what Hux wanted to hear, because it would score him points. But he hadn’t been thinking about manipulating Hux when he said it. He’d just… said it. He could no longer tell the difference between manipulation and truth. His head pounded in confusion.

Although… he’d never been in love. Not really. Maybe he didn’t know what it was like. He loved Rey (_Do you?_ A sinister voice that sounded a lot like Hux whispered. _Where is she right now while you’re hurt and bleeding and confused?_), but that wasn’t the same thing. They were just good friends. All of his relationships before this one had been short and unsuccessful. Kylo kind of got the impression that most people didn’t like him very much. He had a short fuse and he was too awkward and stiff most of the time to let people in.

Maybe he needed someone like Hux to cut into him, expose those frayed nerves that he wouldn’t let anyone else see. The thought scared him. He realized how sick that was, but… it was also sort of true. He’d never been more honest with anyone than with Hux. He’d never let anyone see him break down like Hux had seen him. Despite the fact that Hux was the one doing it to him, Hux had seen him how nobody else had. He’d seen him crying and begging and desperate. _Pathetic_._ Weak_. But Hux still wanted him. That had to count for something, right? Nobody even seemed to be as interested in him as Hux was. Maybe it was his fault that he was the kind of person that would attract someone like Hux. Maybe Hux’s brand of love was the only one he deserved.

* * *

Hux took the night to think about it.

When he and Phasma talked outside, she waited until everything, including the moaning Jack, was loaded into the car.

As usual, she jumped right into it. Phasma was not one to mince words. “I think your pet is sticking his neck where it doesn’t belong.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. There were splatters of blood across his arms and chest. He was looking forward to getting it cleaned off. “What makes you say that?”

“I think Jack might have been telling the truth. I think your boy in there slipped the paper into Jack’s coat on purpose.” Phasma said flatly.

If anyone else had said something like that to Hux without evidence, they would be lying on the ground in a puddle of their own blood, but Phasma wasn’t anyone else. Hux could say with confidence that Phasma was the only person he could really count on.

Hux glanced back at the house. “Did he tell you that?”

Phasma shook her head. She was pragmatic to a fault, unemotional, steady. “No, but I asked, and he got this look in his eyes. It’s the same look an animal gets when it’s cornered.”

Hux looked over at the car. “Well, it certainly exposed Jack. Something had to be done about him.” He paused. “I don’t think I realized how resentful Kylo was of Jack.”

Last time they’d all come, Hux had been taken aback by Kylo’s reaction to Jack. Hux expended no thought towards Jack beyond a subordinate, albeit a useful and occasionally charming one. Any favor Kylo intuited Hux held toward him was completely manufactured. He thought any deeper feeling between him and Jack that Kylo had seen was blown all out of proportion. Kylo was more than enough for him.

“Of course he is. In his position, everything is a threat. Not to be crass, but you’re like a god to him. He wants you all to himself.” Phasma noted drily. Somehow, through all of that, she remained spotless, not a drop of blood anywhere on her clothes.

The thought sent a pleased flicker through Hux. Kylo had taken so long to mold, but it seemed he was finally coming around. He still couldn’t believe he’d told him he loved him. He wondered if it had been the truth. He hadn’t sensed any deception in Kylo’s breathless, wide-eyed delivery. “Well, I certainly don’t want to discourage that.”

“No, but I’d discourage thinking for himself. That could get dangerous.” Phasma pushed.

Hux nodded. He had started to get too soft with Kylo recently, he thought. Good behavior could get him rewards, but he didn’t want to let it go too far. “You’re right, of course.”

“Last time we were here, Chapman and Berk were tormenting that little rabbit of his, and he snapped at them. He backed down pretty quickly, but I thought you would want to know.” Phasma said.

“I suppose I haven’t taught him well enough how to act around others. He would never do that with me.” Hux mused, wondering how he was going to handle this problem.

“We’ve known each other a long time, Hux, so I’m going to give you some advice I hope won’t get my head chopped off. You and he are living in very different worlds. You’re softening to him, maybe. His first priority is survival. If he did this, he felt he had to. He wouldn’t risk your displeasure for anything less. You _can_ push him too far, and if you punish him too much for something he felt he was doing for you, you might not be able to keep his loyalty. Everyone has limits.” Phasma said.

Hux nodded. “I will take what you said into account.”

Phasma paused for longer this time. It was like she hesitant, and she was never hesitant. “One more thing. I… know you don’t want to hear this, but we’ve been contacted by Organa. Again. I don’t think she’s going to give up until you give her an audience.”

Hux’s jaw clenched. “I’ll think about it.”

“I know you _really_ don’t want to hear this, but you keep me around because I shoot straight. You know the only reason Organa and Skywalker are doing this is because of the boy. If you give him back…”

Hux cut her off, anger roiling off of him. “Absolutely _not_. She forfeit her son to me the moment she decided to send him to steal from me. I will give her no concessions or peace offerings. She can continue to beat her head against that brick wall if she so chooses, but Ben Organa belongs to me now.”

Phasma knew a lost cause when she saw one. She backed off. “Alright. I’ve got to get Jack somewhere before he bleeds out.”

After Phasma left, Hux thought about what she had said. He had Kylo clean up the blood and neaten the hallway while he made some calls.

Afterwards, he came down the stairs to see Kylo on his hands and knees scrubbing the wooden floor with a grimace. He’d gotten rid of the worst of the blood, but some of it had stained the wood, and it would be difficult to get it out. Kylo’s hands were scrubbed raw from the force he had used.

When Hux got his attention, he looked up. Hux noticed how tired he looked; the corners of his mouth were pinched and the circles under his eyes pronounced.

“Almost done?” Hux asked, indicating the floor.

Kylo sat back on his haunches and pushed a sweaty curl of black hair out of his face. It was getting long and unruly again. Hux considered briefly cutting it, but he liked it this way. “Yes, but um… I don’t know how to get blood out of wood…”

There was something different about him. He was buzzing with an internal energy that hadn’t been there before. Hux liked a little fire, a little spirit, but if what Phasma said was true, this change could be dangerous.

“I’ll get you something for it tomorrow.” Hux said. Kylo turned back to his work. Hux paused before asking the question with absolutely no build-up. “Did you put those papers in Jack’s pocket on purpose?” He didn’t bother sharing how he’d come by this realization. If Kylo believed he was omniscient, that would only work in his favor.

Kylo froze solid. His hands rested on his thighs, chapped knuckles squeezed so hard they were white. He stared down at the blood stains on the floor for a long while as if the correct answer could be divined from it. Hux didn’t push him. He wanted to know what his answer would be without a nudge.

Kylo finally looked up at him, pale and small. “_Yes_,” He whispered hoarsely. He clearly expected punishment to follow, but he didn’t try to lie or wiggle out of it. Hux was pleased. Kylo had reached the point where he knew avoiding consequences was hopeless. He was less pleased about what Kylo had done.

Hux debated what to say next. Kylo had said he loved him, and he didn’t want to squander that goodwill so soon. However, he couldn’t let this go unanswered. Although Jack had turned out to be bad news, he still didn’t like being manipulated into action. That was unacceptable.

“Why?” Hux asked icily. Kylo’s answer would determine how severe the punishment would be. If Kylo thought he could force Hux to do anything, if he thought he had any sort of hold over him, he would be sorely disappointed.

Kylo swallowed nervously. His voice wavered as he spoke. “Jack… He didn’t really care about you. He was just pretending. He wanted something from you. I didn’t think… I didn’t like him thinking he could take things from you you didn’t want to give.”

Hux was a little taken aback. He had expected Kylo to mention again how jealous he was, about how if Hux wouldn’t get rid of Jack, Kylo was forced to deal with it himself. He expected any number of justifications and excuses that focused on what Kylo wanted. But instead, Kylo seemed worried about Jack because of his perceived threat to Hux. In a strange way, it seemed this was about… protecting Hux? The idea that Hux needed protection was laughable, but it was at least somewhat how Kylo had justified his actions to himself. Privately, Hux thought this was fairly endearing, but he still couldn’t allow this to stand.

Hux walked away without a word, leaving Kylo to stew. He knew being ignored was one of the things that bothered Kylo the most. He was pretty sure Kylo had a mild concussion, so knew he needed to wait until tomorrow to do anything. Kylo was smart enough to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the night, although Hux caught him sending him small nervous glances every few minutes like he wished Hux would just get it over with already.

Hux felt this was a delicate needle to thread. On the one hand, Kylo had done what he did, in his mind, to protect Hux. On the other hand, he’d lied and tried to manipulate Hux, which was absolutely unacceptable. He had to punish Kylo somehow to condemn the action but support the thought behind it. Perhaps Phasma was right. He didn’t need to use pain anymore to motivate Kylo. He would have to do something.

* * *

The next day, Hux dug out the muzzle and strapped it on, buckling it tight. Kylo choked for a moment before he got his breathing under control. Hux ordered him coldly to take his clothes off. His stomach sinking and eyes tearing up, Kylo followed orders. Hux then attached a fine silver chain from his nose ring to the front of his harness, short enough that Kylo’s chin was forced down so he couldn’t lift his head without pulling painfully on his nose ring. His wrists were chained to another ring on the front of the harness and he was ordered to his hands and knees. Kylo whimpered. With his head the way it was, he couldn’t see above Hux’s knees. Hux chained his ankles together with a chain so short that with his current restraints, his only option was to crawl on his hands and knees. Hux chained him by the back of his collar to a ring on the couch and left for the day without a word. Kylo laid down miserably, although he couldn’t help a rush of relief that this wasn’t worse. He tried his bitter best not to cry, because it would make it hard to breathe around the muzzle.

When Hux came home, he didn’t seem in a better mood. He yanked on the leash, forcing Kylo to crawl behind him to the kitchen, not even talking to him. Kylo’s belly felt slick with shame. His face burned with embarrassment. He wished wildly that he could just lift his head to gauge Hux’s mood. Not being able to see Hux’s state of mind and adjust his behavior accordingly took away one of his primary methods of survival, and being treated like a dog like this was starting him on panicking. He tried whining in the back of his throat to get Hux’s attention, but only received a hard smack on the ass in answer. _Be quiet_. Kylo jolted and blinked back tears.

Hux tied his leash to a table leg and left him there while he made dinner for himself, banging pots and pans like he was irritated he had to do this for himself. Kylo felt horrible. He had acted out and now he wasn’t able to make dinner for Hux. If he’d just told the truth right away, he could have been making Hux happy right now, serving him dinner and maybe even getting a kiss in thanks. Instead, he was being punished. It was so unfair to Hux that he had to deal with Kylo’s behavior instead having a nice evening at home. Kylo tugged on his leash, wanting to crawl over to Hux and nuzzle against his legs to comfort him, let him know how sorry he was.

Hux finished making dinner and came over to sit down. Kylo waited until he was eating to crawl forward and press his cheek against Hux’s leg, hoping to convey his contrition. Hux kicked him hard under the ribs. Kylo yelped and scrambled back, the leash pulling taut on his collar and choking him for the moment. He forced himself to breathe through his nose, settling down as far as he could from Hux. The back of his neck and the skin around the nose ring ached, face pointed at the ground.

When Hux was finished eating, he pushed back his chair and stood up. Kylo could tell he was standing over him and looking at him, although he couldn’t see anything more than his smart shoes. His heart pounded in fear. He wished desperately he could see Hux’s face, that he would just _talk_ to him so that he would know how bad this was. He couldn’t do anything like this to ask for forgiveness.

Hux hunkered down in front of him, and Kylo cringed away. He still couldn’t see any higher than Hux’s chest. His shirt collar was unbuttoned and his sleeves rolled up. He held a half-empty glass of red wine in one hand. Still without saying anything, he upended the glass and poured the wine on the ground in front of Kylo. Kylo stared at it, unsure.

Hux unbuckled the muzzle. Kylo groaned when the gag came out of his mouth, flexing his jaw against stiffness. Hux stood up again. “Clean it up.” He ordered coldly, walking away to do the dishes.

Kylo’s face blazed as he stared down at the puddle of wine on the ground. The floor wasn’t exactly _filthy_ or anything, he cleaned it every few days, but it was still a floor. His stomach roiled at the thought, but he knew Hux wasn’t going to repeat himself, and he didn’t want to get into any more trouble.

Movement hampered because of the restraints, Kylo shuffled forward, getting down on his elbows and putting his tongue out. Face twisted in disgust, he lapped at the wine. This turned out to be harder than he thought it was going to be. He couldn’t stretch his neck or move his head at all, so he had to support half his body weight on his elbows, which was harder than it seemed. He dipped down and started licking up the wine, face bright red with embarrassment and exertion. He had to keep shuffling around to get at the wine. It was only half a glass, but that was quite a bit when it was poured on the ground. He kept bashing his nose into the floor, jostling his piercing every time, sending a dull ache into his temples. He was starting to get a headache. Kylo blinked away at his wavering vision, just trying to get this horrible task done as quick as possible. He gagged involuntarily every time he tasted bits of silt or whatever else was on the floor besides the wine. His stomach roiled violently, and he had to sit back on his knees for a moment, panting heavily and forcing himself not to throw up. He knew if he did, Hux would just make him clean that up too. The very thought of that horrified him enough that he managed to get his stomach under control.

It took him long enough that Hux was done with the dishes before he was done. Hux came and leaned against the counter, watching him work. Kylo thought every bit of his skin must be bright red in embarrassment. Tears mingled with the wine that was spread on his cheeks. This was horrible, horrible. If he thought it would help at all, he would have cried and begged Hux for forgiveness. His hands and knees ached; his neck hurt. He just wanted this to be over.

At long last, Kylo managed to clean up all the wine. He stopped on his hands and knees, panting and staring at the ground, shivering a little while he waited for Hux’s judgement. He hoped he’d done a good enough job that Hux wouldn’t make him do it again.

The only encouragement that he’d done it right came when Hux forced the muzzle back into his mouth again, buckling it tight behind his head. He untied the leash from the table and dragged Kylo behind him back to the living room. Kylo tried to keep up, but he was dizzy from hunger and so, so tired.

Hux had him on his hands and knees in front of the armchair. Hux sat down and opened a book, ignoring him for the rest of the night. Kylo stared at the ground, all he was able to do, and felt waves of self-loathing crash over him.

Hux took the leash again and led him upstairs to the bedroom. Kylo was hoping wildly that Hux would finally untie him, but no such luck. He tied the leash to the foot of the bed and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Kylo blinked away tears, every inch of his body in agony. Hux came back, got into bed and fell asleep without another word. Kylo did his best to hunker down on the ground, curling into himself and shivering a little from the cold, about as miserable as he could possibly be.

In the morning, after getting ready, Hux let him loose, first unclipping the leash and then the nose ring. Kylo lifted his head with inexpressible relief, working through the horrible pain in his neck. Hux was businesslike, freeing him from the muzzle and the hobbling chains on his wrists and ankles. He walked away to put the restraints away, leaving Kylo to work through the sudden cramps and pain alone. He nursed his bruised ribs carefully.

When he came back, Kylo was able to look up at him with watering eyes, massaging his sore neck. Hux’s face was neutral again, neither angry or pleased. He hunkered down in front of Kylo, tipped his chin up with two fingers. “What you did, that was cute. That’s the only reason why this wasn’t worse for you. Don’t get too cute. If you ever try to lie to me again, or push me into doing something without my knowledge, you won’t like where you end up. I could treat you like this all the time. Got it?”

Kylo nodded, waiting for Hux to step back. He felt a sudden rush of gratitude toward Hux. He could have made this so much worse. He’d spent the time before his punishment started in agony, wondering what Hux would do to him. He had horror upon horror piling up in his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking of Hux bellowing and throwing him to the ground, of being locked in a cage too small to move, cold and in pain for days on end. Something worse than that. Considering what he did ended with a man dead, he thought he would end the night with broken bones, more scars. This was so much better than he’d feared. This hadn’t even hurt.

Hux brushed the hair out of his face gently. “I forgive you, Kylo, but you understand why that kind of behavior can’t go unanswered.”

“_Yes_,” Kylo whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Hux paused for a moment, and when he spoke again Kylo couldn’t believe his ears. “I suppose I have to apologize to you. I recognize that I might have driven you to it by ignoring you when my men came over. That wasn’t fair to you, and for that I’m sorry. Please know that you’re more important to me than anyone else.”

Kylo gaped at him. Hux was… _apologizing? To him?_ “It’s just… you’re all I have.” He said quietly.

“I know that. I see that now. I’d like to ask you something. You said you loved me. Did you mean that?” Hux asked.

Kylo waited a long, long time before answering. “Yes.” He said. Hux smiled and kissed him. Kylo’s head spun. He felt a rush of too many emotions to analyze all at once. He didn’t even know if he was telling the truth or just saying what Hux wanted to hear. At this point, he wondered if there was even a difference.

Hux stood. “I expect all the laundry to be done, the floors mopped, and all the fixtures dusted by the time I get home. Take a shower first. I’ll be back tonight.”

Kylo listened to Hux walk downstairs and leave. He completed all his chores and had a great dinner prepared for Hux when he got home. But Kylo had certainly learned his lesson. He’d overstepped his bounds. He wouldn’t do it again.

A few days later, Hux took Kylo into the bathroom and pierced his belly button this time, a piece of silver nestled in his navel. Kylo wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a punishment of some kind, or if he would have done it anyway even if he hadn’t done what he did. It didn’t seem as upsetting this time, although he really didn’t want any more marks. He had enough to last a lifetime.

On the long days when he was on his own, Kylo found he had a lot of time to think. Increasingly, he thought about his parents, Luke, and Rey. Hux had told him that they must not care about him since they weren’t here to take care of him like Hux was. Kylo supposed that was true. Over time, they’d started to fade in his mind. Hux was just so much more _present_, more alive. That didn’t stop him from thinking of them.

He used to like going out on jobs with Rey. It was always easy to spend time with her, fun. They had similar senses of humor. He thought he might love Hux. Or he just said he loved Hux. He wasn’t sure. Hux did seem different lately, kinder, more understanding. Hux took care of him, did what nobody else would, but it wasn’t _easy_ to be with Hux. He always had to be on alert, ready to anticipate what Hux wanted, ready to make him happy. Hux expected a lot out of Kylo, and that was okay, because he’d made a lot of mistakes. He needed someone to keep him in check, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss how easy it had been to be with Rey. He never had to worry about disappointing her the same way he did Hux. On the other hand, he couldn’t stop thinking about that day when he went out to the docks on his own. Rey said she had to take care of a family thing, so she couldn’t come. What had been _so_ important that she wasn’t there to back him up when it counted? It was enough to make his head hurt, so he tried not to think about it. His mind only went around in circles.

Whenever he started missing Rey, he knew Hux wouldn’t like it. He knew it was, in a way, unfair to Hux. Hux had hurt him terribly, yes, but he wasn’t _all_ bad. He could be kind, sometimes. He’d sacrificed his time and effort on Kylo, he didn’t seem to mind that Kylo could be endlessly disobedient, stubborn, sullen, weak. Hux had brought out the worst in him, but still seemed to love him, in his own way. That was something that not even his parents had done. His mother had only given him a few chances before demoting him. Luke had supported her. His father didn’t even seem to really care one way or the other about him. Hux gave him chance after chance after chance. Even when he probably didn’t deserve it.

Sometimes, Ben woke up from dreams, or memories, really, where Han and Leia had taken him to the zoo on his sixth birthday. Luke had shown up as well. That had been one of the happiest days of his life. Han and Leia hadn’t fought once, and Luke had carried him on his shoulders, leaning him over the fence to see the elephants and flamingos. There had been a lot of laughter. They’d all gone home exhausted but content. For years, he’d held that day in his memory as the one good, untainted day.

For whatever reason, Ben kept dreaming about that day recently. Every time, it changed just a little bit. One night, he remembered Han and Leia getting into a hissed argument about their parking spot and how Luke had to pull him away quickly so he didn’t have to listen to it. Another night, he remembered how when Luke swung him up onto his shoulders, how he smelled the stale alcohol on his breath, and Leia’s strained smile when she saw Luke stumble once. Every time, small details would come back to Ben, little things that would tarnish his best memory, little by little. When he’d wake up in the mornings, enveloped in Hux’s embrace, he’d remember that day. He’d have tears in his eyes and not be entirely sure why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another loooong one. I swear to God, these chapters just keep ballooning.
> 
> Aww, Kylo's first manipulation. I'm just so proud. Let's give him a little bit of agency, for once. How about that, just for variety's sake. I don't think even he knows if he was telling Hux the truth or not. Poor boy is confused as fuck. Stockholm Syndrome has set up shop in his head, and I don't think it's planning on leaving anytime soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY SPOILERY content warnings for this chapter: non-graphic animal death (I'M SORRY!!) and threat of suicide.

Things were… alright for a while. Kylo could honestly say he’d gotten used to life with Hux. It was hard for him to remember what things were like before all this, and he usually tried not to think about it. As long as he was good, Hux was good to him, and when he wasn’t, he had the rabbit to look after.

One morning, Hux had to leave early. He’d gotten a call that had him more flustered than Kylo had ever seen him. He rushed out of the house, not even taking the time to give Kylo any instructions for the day. Kylo figured he could find something to do for Hux.

He wandered downstairs, enjoying the quiet. He was going to feed Clarence first, then start on laundry. The freedom to choose his own schedule felt a little uncomfortable, but he figured as long as he did something constructive, Hux wouldn’t be angry with him.

Kylo entered the spacious three-car garage, and immediately saw something off. Hux had evidently been in such a hurry that he’d left the garage door open when he left. Kylo was walking over to the switch to close the door when he noticed that Clarence wasn’t in the hutch.

Heart pounding immediately, Kylo hurried over and looked inside the wood-and-mesh enclosure for the rabbit. It was full of soft wood shavings, but there was no rabbit to be seen. Kylo slid to his knees to take a closer look and then noticed the issue. The rabbit had chewed through the wood at the back of the hutch. There was a small hole there, big enough for a rabbit to squeeze through.

“_No_,” Kylo gasped. His eyes were immediately drawn to the open garage door. His face drained of blood.

He scrambled over to the open door and was relieved to see Clarence about thirty feet away, sniffing around on the grass at the edge of the driveway.

Kylo immediately moved to run over to pick up the rabbit, but when he took one step outside, he froze solid. He _couldn’t_, he wasn’t allowed to go outside. Hux said he had cameras, but even if he didn’t, Kylo had reached the state where he just kind of assumed Hux _knew_ when he did something wrong. His last visit outside had brought him enough pain to last a lifetime. His ankle pulsed in remembered pain.

He stared at the rabbit desperately. It wouldn’t matter to Hux if he just went outside for a second… Just ten steps there and back… Just to grab Clarence, that was it. He wasn’t trying to escape, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he just needed to get his rabbit back. He glanced up at the eaves. He sure didn’t see any cameras… Hux would never need to know.

Kylo took one more step and felt blind panic grip him tight. His limbs felt loose, his breath came short, all he could think about was Hux stomping down on his ankle, the scars left from being whipped, locked in a tiny cage in the cold for a month… He couldn’t do it… He couldn’t do that again…

He stood stock still in the doorway to the driveway. He got down on the ground. “Hey… Clarence. _Clarence!_ Come here, buddy.” He held one hand out and called sweetly to the rabbit.

The rabbit heard his voice and looked over at him. She was sitting at the edge of the driveway munching on some grass. She didn’t make any move to come closer.

Kylo kind of shuffled forward a few inches more, all he would dare. He reached one hand out. Desperation was blurring his vision. “Hey… Clarence, come here. Clarence, come _on_, please.”

The rabbit hopped a few paces farther from the house. “_No!_” Kylo cried, standing up suddenly. He leaned forward, straining against his restriction like he was held on a leash. Clarence was so close… So fucking _close_. It would only take twenty seconds, tops, to run over there, grab her, and come back.

An idea came into Kylo’s head like a lightbulb. He could tempt her with some food. Some carrots or something. There were some in the kitchen, but he’d have to go back inside to get them. He started inching carefully a few steps closer to the house. “You just stay there, okay? You hear? I’m going to go get you some food, Clarence. Doesn’t that sound nice? Don’t go anywhere, _please_, don’t go anywhere!” Kylo called out, his voice wavery.

As fast as he could, he ran back into the kitchen, yanked open the fridge and rummaged in the vegetable drawer for the carrots. On his way back, he turned the corner too quickly and wrenched his weak ankle. A burst of pain made him cry out and fall to the ground, slamming his elbows onto the ground. Limping the rest of the way, he went back into the garage and collapsed to his hands and knees in front of the open door.

Clarence was even farther down the driveway, maybe sixty feet away now. Kylo ripped open the bag of carrots and got on his stomach, holding them out. He made sure he had one foot inside the garage. That was as far as he would dare to go. “_Clarence!_ Come here! I’ve got some nice carrots for you! Aren’t you hungry? You can have as many as you want! You can eat the whole bag! Just come back!” He called out, voice rusty.

Clarence wasn’t even listening. She kept hopping steadily down the driveway. Kylo’s heart clenched. “_Clarence! Don’t leave me! Please don’t go! Clarence! Come back, please, you can’t leave me alone here! I need you! Don’t go!_” He screamed after the rabbit, who kept hopping farther and farther away. Kylo’s eyes filled with tears.

He actually stood up and took a step out of the garage. He was immediately covered in a cold sweat. He took another step, his hands shaking almost out of his control. “Come back!” He called again. He took a third step and emerged from the shadow of the house. A warm beam of sunlight fell on his arm. He recoiled as if he had been struck. He was too far from the house. He was outside, and he wasn’t supposed to be outside. He stumbled back inside and fell onto the ground.

Kylo watched with despair as the rabbit got farther and farther away until he lost sight of her altogether. He sat there in silence for a long time, mind blank. He rolled over and curled into a ball. He screamed and tore at his hair. Couldn’t help it. He pounded a hand down on the hard concrete. He felt his skin split. His screams turned into tears. He lay there for a long, long time. Didn’t know what else to do.

He had loved that rabbit. It had been simple and nice and easy to care of. It had been the only nice thing in this entire goddamn nightmare of a situation and now it was gone. Gone because of his stupidity. Because he hadn’t thought to check if she had been chewing her way through the hutch. _Gone because Hux left the door open_, a traitor voice whispered in his head, but Kylo shoved that thought aside as hard as he could. He couldn’t afford to think like that. Maybe if he’d gotten up earlier, he could have caught her before she left. Maybe if he hadn’t tried to escape, Hux would have trusted him enough to be able to go into the yard… If, if, if. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the things he could have done differently. Blame thudded behind his eyes. He cried his eyes out. He was alone again… He had nothing to distract him from what his life was like now, nowhere to go to on days when Hux was short with him and maybe slapped him because he was too slow or forgot a rule, leaving the house with an admonition to do better… Here in the depth of his despair, he was able to be honest with himself and admit how bad things truly were. He’d needed that mental escape, and it was all his fault that it was gone.

Eventually, he stumbled to his feet, eyes red, face blotchy, hair sticking up every which way. He went into the kitchen and pulled the largest knife from the block. He sat against the cabinet and waited for Hux to get home.

The sun was going down when he heard Hux pull up outside. He waited for him to shut off the car and come inside. Evening air rushed in and then dissipated when Hux entered. “Kylo?” He called. “I see I left the garage door open. Why are there carrots all over the ground out there?”

Kylo didn’t answer. He unsteadily got to his feet and held the knife up to his throat. He was trembling again, and his eyes were red. Things had gotten very simple. He was going to wait for Hux to turn the corner, and then he was going to slit his own throat before Hux could stop him.

Hux paced down the hallway. Kylo’s lips trembled. His palm was sweating, and he had to concentrate on keeping steady. His hand was shaking so much he might have nicked himself once or twice already. “Kylo?” Hux called again, cautious now.

Hux turned the corner and saw Kylo standing stiff and wide-eyed with the knife held up to his throat. His face turned carefully blank and he only took one careful step into the room. “_Kylo? _Honey? What are you doing?” His voice was soft and without a hint of anger.

Kylo trembled. He felt he couldn’t answer.

Hux took one more small step. Fear jackknifed through Kylo. “_Don’t come any closer_!” He screamed, pressing the knife in. He felt a thin pain and a bead of blood welled up on the underside of his chin, dripping down his throat.

Hux didn’t move. His face was so pale his red hair stood out like a shock. “Okay… Okay, I’m not moving… Can we talk about this? What’s wrong?”

Kylo blinked and tears fell down his face. “Clarence is _gone_!” He cried. “She chewed out of the hutch and, and, and the – the door was open, so she just ran away!”

Understanding crossed Hux’s face. “Oh, baby… I’m sorry. I know you love that rabbit.” He had his hands held up in a calming gesture, and he kept his body language non-aggressive.

Something about the softness of Hux’s voice and just the entire situation had Kylo seeing red. “_Don’t call me that!_” He spat.

Irritation crossed Hux’s face as quick as a flash, but he made it disappear as quick as it came. He could see that he was on thin ice. One wrong move, and Kylo would really kill himself, and he’d be left with nothing. “Hey, come on, I just –”

“_You did it on purpose!_” Kylo screamed, his mania giving him the stupid confidence to accuse Hux of wrongdoing, something he normally would never have the courage for. “_You left the door open on purpose!_ It was a test, or, or, a lesson or something! You wanted me to learn something!”

Hux was stock-still. Kylo was shocked to see an emotion he never thought he’d see on Hux: he was _nervous_. “Now why would I do that? I got her for you in the first place.”

Kylo scream-laughed, the sound tearing at his throat. His wildly trembling hand cut another slice into his throat. “So you could take her away again! So, so, so I wouldn’t have anything but _you!_ Well, Hux, you won. Like always! I, I, I could have run after her. She was there in the driveway, but I _didn’t_. I stayed in the house like a good boy and watched her run away. So, so, so, you get what you wanted! Like _always_.”

Hux spoke slowly, carefully. “This isn’t what I wanted. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Kylo. I love you.”

Kylo shook his head wildly. Blood dripped down into the hollow of his throat. Tears fell down to his chin. “You don’t love me. You just love… _owning_ me.”

Hux shook his head. He’d managed to take two steps forward without Kylo noticing. “That’s not true.”

Kylo laughed again, entirely without humor. It was a sad, delirious sound. He had nothing left, he might as well tell the truth. “No? Then what about this? Or this? Or _this_?” One by one, he pointed at the collar. The nose ring. The wrist cuffs. He pulled down the corner of his shirt to show the harness. The scars. “This isn’t something you do to someone you love.”

Hux was pale and still. He didn’t look in control at this moment. He looked afraid. “Kylo, put down the knife…”

“Give me one good reason.” Kylo said, trembling. “Give me one reason that’s not _complete_ bullshit that I shouldn’t just slit my throat right now. You’ll just take the knife from me and you’ll – you’ll find some reason why this is my fault and I’ll have to prove _again_ that I’m loyal to you. Well, I think it’s your turn, Hux! Otherwise, I’ll do it, and you won’t have anyone to play with anymore.”

Hux was stock-still, staring at Kylo with careful eyes. Kylo could see that all he wanted to do was leap forward and snatch the knife from his hands, but he knew he couldn’t do it. For once, Kylo had the upper hand.

“Because I love you, Kylo. Because you said you loved me.” Hux said softly, looking so sincere and almost _hurt_ that Kylo wanted to scream.

Kylo blinked furious tears out of his eyes. He wavered, but when Hux leaned forward, he stiffened again and drew blood. Hux cringed at the sight.

“No you don’t no you _don’t no you DON’T!” _Kylo shrieked. “Can you just stop lying to me and jerking me around, and, and, and just – just talk to me like a _person_? Am I not a person to you?”

“Of _course_ you are.” Hux said, pale and still.

“Could’ve fooled me! I thought – I really thought that after I started doing what you wanted, you would get… better. Nicer. But you didn’t. You don’t even care if I toe the line or not, you’ll just keep moving it so that I step over it. So that you have an excuse to hurt me!” Kylo said, chest heaving.

“Kylo… I can see you’re very upset. I don’t think this is your fault. And if you put that knife down right now, I won’t be angry.” Hux said softly.

“Liar,” Kylo spat, wavering back and forth.

“I’ve never lied to you, Kylo. I might have done things you don’t like, but I’ve never once lied to you. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I do it. This isn’t about whether or not I love you. You’ve been doing so good recently. I really thought we were getting somewhere. You’re just upset about Clarence. I am telling you that if you put the knife down right now, I’ll go looking for the rabbit right now. She might still be around. I’ll check for you.” Hux said, taking one more small step forward.

“She’s _gone_.” Kylo said.

“Maybe. And if she is, I’m very sorry for it. But don’t you want me to check? The faster you put down that knife, like we both know you’re going to do, the sooner I can go check for Clarence.” Hux said.

Kylo stiffened and his hand rose again. “I am _not_ going to put the knife down.”

“Yes, you are. You don’t want to hurt yourself. You want me to comfort you. You want to lay on the couch with a blanket while I go looking for your rabbit. And if I don’t find her, I’ll just hold you and take care of you. Doesn’t that sound nice? You don’t have to make dinner. You don’t have to do anything tonight. Just put the knife down, please. I’m worried about you.” Hux took another step forward. He was within arm’s length now but didn’t dare come any closer.

Kylo wavered. That did sound nice. The siren song of being comforted after so long without it was almost too strong to deny. This small piece of resistance was about all that he could manage. “I’m so tired, Hux. I’m… I don’t know what to _do_.” He admitted, his hand starting to lower of his own volition.

“I know, sweetheart.” Hux soothed, putting one careful hand on Kylo’s wrist, not exerting any pressure yet. “Let me take care of you.”

Kylo blinked tears out of his eyes and swallowed a lump in his throat. “Do you really love me?”

Hux met his eyes. “Yes. I do. Very much.” His expression didn’t conceal any untruth. At least, not any that Kylo could see.

Hux softly pushed the knife away from Kylo’s throat but didn’t take it yet. Kylo was trembling almost out of control.

“Promise you won’t be mad?” Kylo asked pitifully. After all this, if Hux turned on him again, he didn’t know if he could take it.

“I promise, Kylo. Let go of the knife.” Hux asked.

“I fucking hate you.” He said miserably. It seemed like his last chance to say it, although his heart wasn’t in it. Both of them knew that wasn’t entirely true anymore.

“I know.” Hux said, voice soft.

Feeling like he was surrendering the last shred of his control, Kylo dropped his arm. Hux grabbed the knife and whipped it away from him with a sigh of relief. Kylo stood there numbly while Hux took the knife away and put it somewhere he wouldn’t find it.

True to his word, Hux didn’t take this out on Kylo. He bundled him away to the living room and wrapped him in a blanket. While Kylo stared at nothing, Hux put his coat back on and headed outside to search the yard and grounds for the rabbit. Kylo could hear him calling for the rabbit for nearly an hour.

Outside, Hux walked around the yard and spacious grounds for a long while, calling out for the rabbit. He wanted Kylo to hear him doing it, although he didn’t much care if the rabbit did. He hadn’t left the garage door open on purpose, although he knew an opportunity when he saw one. Kylo certainly hit the nail on the head when it came to how he’d like him to respond. Hux knew he only had to stay out here long enough for Kylo to reasonably think he’d really looked for Clarence. He wasn’t expecting to find her again.

Hux had begun to feel a little resentful and jealous of the attention Kylo paid to the rabbit, although he knew how ridiculous that notion might be. He’d given Kylo the rabbit in the first place, there was no need for him to dislike it. That didn’t stop him wanting to limit the amount of time Kylo could spend with Clarence. He held himself back from doing so because Kylo was really working hard recently to please him, and he remembered what Phasma had told him. He could push Kylo too hard, and he thought keeping his rabbit from him would be a step in the wrong direction. That might tear down the tentative walls of trust they had only recently managed to erect.

Hux looked for the rabbit until his toes started to get cold and his breath hissed out in the cold night air. He was tramping back to the house, ready to give up, when he heard a soft sound coming to his right. Hux moved closer. Huddling under a downed log was a rabbit, shivering from the cold. Hux hunkered down to take a closer look. It was gray, with the triangular markings around its eyes that let Hux know this was indeed Clarence. The rabbit looked up at him hopefully, hopping a little closer. Hux didn’t know if rabbits were smart enough to recognize humans or not.

“Well, you seem to have gotten yourself lost, haven’t you?” Hux said, looking down at the little helpless creature. He noticed one of its legs was dragging behind. It had been half torn off, maybe by a predator. There was a lot of blood. Without immediate assistance, the rabbit would die. He sighed in annoyance. He had been counting on not finding the rabbit at all, and now that he did, he had to make a decision. If he brought the rabbit back inside, Kylo would be grateful, of course he would, he might even get a kiss for his troubles, but Kylo would want to spend the rest of the night tending for the rabbit. He might even ask if he could spend the night in the garage to look after her, and in the state he was in, Hux wouldn’t be able to refuse him that. He would have to go into town the next morning and acquire supplies for setting her broken foot. Maybe a veterinarian. Hux didn’t know what all went into fixing up the injured rabbit. They might go through all of that trouble just for the rabbit to die anyway.

On the other hand… Kylo had already half-given up on Clarence. He wasn’t expecting Hux to find her at all. He was broken-hearted, but so malleable tonight. He would accept, hell, he would practically beg for Hux to comfort him. That’s what Hux wanted to do tonight, hold Kylo close, brush his hair back and murmur comforting things in his ear. He didn’t want to sleep in his bed alone. If Hux had the choice between allowing Kylo to give his affection to a rabbit or to him, that wasn’t really a decision at all. He could always get him something else nice later.

Decision made, Hux sat there and watched Clarence. She was already weak, half-torn to bits, and it was clear she only had a few minutes left. Hux made no move to help her. She squeaked piteously, but Hux just waited patiently until her eyes began to dim. She stopped breathing, lying there on the cold forest floor. After the rabbit died, Hux pikced her up by the scruff of her neck. "You've been more trouble than you're worth." Hux said, carrying her through the trees back towards the house.

“You should feel lucky that he loved you so much.” Hux knew his jealousy was irrational and undeserved, but he really didn’t like it when Kylo was focused on things besides him.

He came within shouting distance of the house again. Clarence hung limp in his grip. There was a small pond nestled in between a thicket of trees. It wasn’t very deep, but deep enough for his purposes. He justified his decision to himself by saying that the rabbit would have died anyway, even if he had brought her back to the house. She'd been so close to death medical attention probably wouldn't have even helped. Without a second thought, Hux tossed Clarence into the cold pond. There was a small splash and she disappeared under the water. That was that.

Inside, Kylo was standing near the window, a blanket hugged tight around his shoulders. It wasn’t even all that cold, but he couldn’t stop shivering. He waited in hopeful agony for Hux to come back. If anyone could find Clarence, it would be Hux. She might be gone forever, but the very fact that Hux was _looking_ for her at all meant a great deal to Kylo. He felt a small weight in his chest that got heavier and heavier as the minutes went by. His temples ached from crying earlier, and his throat felt sticky where his blood was drying on his skin.

He saw Hux come into view from the far end of the yard, striding along with a purpose. Kylo squinted a little closer and saw he was carrying something in his grip. _Clarence_. Kylo’s heart leapt into his throat, the hope nearly enough to strangle him. He almost ran to the front door and threw it open, but knew he should wait patiently for Hux. Hux would return when he was ready.

A tentative smile had crossed Kylo’s face, but it dimmed as he watched Hux walk not back to the house, but towards a small pond at the edge of the yard. He didn’t think Hux was aware that he was watching, or that he could even see this far. The moonlight was bright tonight. He watched helplessly as, illuminated by the moon, across the white field, Hux threw his rabbit into the pond to drown without so much as a second glance.

Every thought in Kylo’s head ground to a halt. His mouth hung open in dizzy horror. The sound of blood rushed through his ears like running water.

Kylo was blank. This was the last straw. This was the very last straw in his overloaded, stressed mind. After everything that had been done to him, after all of the pain and humiliation, this was the one thing he couldn’t handle. After Hux had assured him, not half an hour ago, that he never lied, after he assured him that he would find the rabbit and bring her back.

Kylo was clear-headed for just a moment, for one thought to go through his head. It was just never enough for Hux. He would just keep taking and taking and taking until there was nothing left. Now, there was nothing left.

He couldn’t believe Hux would say all those comforting things to him, pull him back from the brink of despair, and then kill his rabbit anyway. It was more than disbelief. He literally could not believe it and go on living. That Hux would twist this final knife in, that after everything Kylo had done for him, suffered for him, become for him, that he would continue to be cruel like this, was a truth so monumental that Kylo had a hard time coming up against it. He saw things clearly just for a moment. Hux would never stop being cruel. He could play act at being kind, he could say the right things and gift him with paltry rewards that came nowhere close to making up for the misery that surrounded it. But at the end of the day, he’d only take them away again, and there was nothing, there was absolutely _nothing_ that Kylo could do to stop him.

Kylo’s body had been broken time and time again, and his mind had bent, warped, stretched about as much as it could, thin gossamer threads holding it together. But this was truly, definitively, the last straw. Kylo’s mind broke.

Five minutes later, when Hux came back into the house, Kylo was lying on the couch, blanket hugged around him. He had a very fuzzy memory of the past half hour. Had he fallen asleep while Hux was outside looking for Clarence?

He sat up, rubbed his eyes. His head felt strange and cottony. His thoughts weren’t connecting right. “Did you find her?”

Hux glanced at him, but took a moment to take his coat off and hang it up. He slipped his shoes off and lined them up by the door. He walked over and sat down next to Kylo on the couch, rubbed his arm. His expression was mournful, concerned. Kylo’s stomach sank, but the fact that Hux was so worried about him made him feel good. “No, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m afraid she’s gone. She must have run off this afternoon.”

Kylo lowered his eyes. He felt sad, but the feeling was muted. Far away from him. He couldn’t connect with the idea. It was like it wasn’t hitting him fully. “Oh…”

Hux squeezed his arm in comfort. “I’m so sorry. I looked very hard, but there’s just so much land out here. She could have gone anywhere.”

The splash of a small body hitting the dark water. Kylo blinked that thought out of his head as soon as it arrived. What did that even mean? Why was he thinking of it now? He snuggled closer to Hux. The idea of the rabbit was very far away from him now, and Hux was so close. He just wanted to be wrapped in Hux’s embrace right now. Nothing else seemed very important.

Hux laughed softly. The sound sent a warm burst of pleasure down Kylo’s spine. He was making him _happy_. That meant more than almost anything else. “Oh, Kylo, I’d love to, but we have to get that blood cleaned off you first.”

Kylo peered up at Hux from where he’d buried his face in his side, confused. What blood? “What?” He asked, tongue fuzzy. Everything was pleasantly buzzy and distant right now. He didn’t want that to change. He liked not thinking.

Hux indicated his throat. Kylo pressed a few fingers to his neck and drew them away in confusion. There was blood on them. How had that gotten there? Had there been some sort of an accident? Why didn’t he remember?

Hux studied his face. “Don’t you remember what happened?”

Kylo looked up at his warm, solid face, wide-eyed. He shook his head. He remembered that Clarence ran off this morning, and then… Not much else. Had he and Hux had an argument or something? That didn’t seem quite right, he didn’t know why he would ever have a reason to argue with Hux, but maybe that’s what happened.

Hux watched him for a long, long time. Kylo didn’t understand why.

Hux tried to pull away to go get some bandages, but Kylo held onto his hand tight and whined in his throat. “_No_, don’t go. Just stay here with me, please.” He whispered. He felt adrift, empty. He wanted Hux to let him know he belonged.

Hux’s face softened, and he lay down next to Kylo without another word, slotting his body in behind him, putting his arms protectively around his waist, his chin tucked over his head. Kylo settled in, his eyes closing in contentment. He guessed he was sad about Clarence, but that didn’t seem to be very important right now, because _Hux_ was here, he was warm and solid and reliable and he was holding him and everything could just be quiet for a little while.

Hux brushed his hair back and whispered comforting things in his ear. Kylo stared at the far wall. He felt numb and unresponsive. He felt empty. He felt like he was going to float off the edge of the earth.

* * *

Kylo was in the living room dusting the bookshelves and completely rearranging Hux’s books in alphabetical order upon request. He was completely zoned out to the point where it almost felt like he disappeared for a few hours. When Hux wasn’t there, Kylo increasingly had these periods of blankness. They scared him a little, how he could so completely check out for hours at a time, but when he didn’t have to be on high alert for Hux, it was getting easier and easier to slip into this zombie-like state.

What did he have to think about anyway? It had been nearly two months since the escape of Kylo’s rabbit, and Hux hadn’t given him another one. Kylo didn’t bother asking him for another one. He supposed he had blown his one chance. It was Kylo’s fault Clarence was gone. He hoped one day Hux would change his mind, but it had been a while, and he hadn’t made any mention. After the destruction of his books, Kylo didn’t have any other way to amuse himself during the days after he completed his assigned tasks. He technically could have read some of Hux’s books during the days when he was gone, but Hux hadn’t told him he could do that.

Kylo had gotten increasingly paranoid about doing things Hux hadn’t explicitly allowed. Just because he didn’t say anything didn’t mean he didn’t have some sort of an expectation. Once, Kylo had pulled one of Hux’s books down from the shelf and sat on the floor to read it, but he had almost immediately been overcome by a formless panic that he was doing something wrong, that Hux would know even though he wasn’t here, that he’d be angry. Kylo had put the book back immediately.

Kylo was startled out of his fugue by the sound of the door opening. He turned around to greet Hux with what he hoped was a welcoming expression. Even after all this time, no matter how he tried, Kylo could not manage to smile. He wanted to, for Hux, but whenever he tried, it was just a movement of muscles, nowhere near a real smile.

Hux was smiling. He hung up his jacket and then strode over to Kylo, pulling him in for a kiss. Kylo closed his eyes, made a small sound of greeting, and opened his mouth wider to give Hux access. Hux gripped the back of his head firmly, where his hair was starting to get long again. The dark, unruly curls reached almost to his shoulders now. He kissed him hard and pulled back.

“Hey, sweetheart. I am unexpectedly free for the next few days. I wanted to spend it with you, so I came back early.” Hux said easily.

Kylo tried to smile and couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. Instead, he kissed Hux chastely on the cheek to demonstrate his pleasure.

Hux didn’t step back. “Stick out your tongue. I want to see how it’s doing.” He said, voice dropping into the usual register of command.

Kylo complied right away. His newly-pierced (or as new as a few weeks) tongue was finally completely healed. The barbell-shaped piercing was right through the middle of his tongue.

Hux studied it carefully before nodding that Kylo could close his mouth, which he did. “It looks really good now that it’s all healed. Don’t you think so?”

Kylo swallowed, the new piercing hitting the roof of his mouth. He was still getting used to the sensation. In fact, he hated it. There was a solid weight against his tongue, always present, a constant reminder. He forced himself to nod, hoped he looked sincere.

When Hux had brought Kylo into the bathroom to do it, without warning him first, Kylo had balked. He could stand the nose ring, however humiliating, didn’t even mind the navel piercing very much, but he drew the line here. All of his dormant resistance surfaced at this moment, panic taking the reins of his brain. This was his only resistance since his escape attempt. He’d tolerated a whole lot. This, his _tongue_, he could not. The very idea filled him with revulsion.

Silently, Kylo had tried to refuse, to leave the room, tears filling his eyes. He whimpered and struggled while Hux tied him down by the ever-convenient cuffs, harness, and collar. When he saw this was getting him nowhere, he even broke his silence to beg. “Hux, _please_,” He croaked, the only two words he seemed to be able to string together.

Hux hadn’t even paused. “The very fact that you’re asking me proves that you need it, Kylo. Now settle down.”

Kylo did not, thrashing and screaming until Hux threatened him with the box again. Tears streaking his cheeks, Kylo shut down emotionally and mentally while Hux pierced his tongue. It was delicate work, and it took longer than the other two piercings had.

Afterwards, Hux took him over his lap and beat him black and blue. Even now, weeks later, he had almost-faded bruises littering his skin. Kylo didn’t remember that part of it. He remembered dimly resisting the piercing and then coming to hours later, naked and face down in the bed, wrists clipped together behind his back, the inside of his mouth a throbbing, swollen mess, his ass alight with hot pain. He’d started to black out or repress the memories of when Hux hurt him. This was happening more and more often. It was easier to convince himself that he was in love with Hux when he couldn’t remember being hurt. It was easier to be in love with Hux than to be afraid of him.

The next morning, Hux had let him out of chores, saying he was allowed to sleep in bed all day if he wanted. Kylo had taken him up on it, crying for most of the morning and sleeping the rest of the day. He was sleeping a lot lately. When Hux came back, he gave him a light massage and fed him ice cream, about the only food that Kylo could stand.

It was difficult to speak after his tongue had been pierced. He garbled his words a lot until the swelling went down. He had to get used to the solid weight where there didn’t use to be one, to the slide of it on the inside of his mouth. It felt so much more intimate than anything else Hux had done, because it was on the _inside_ of him. Every time he spoke, every time he swallowed or ate, Hux’s mark was there, directing him and controlling him.

Once the pain went down a little, Kylo felt a little silly for overreacting the way he had. It wasn’t all that bad in the end. He shouldn’t have struggled the way he did. As usual, it hadn’t gotten him anywhere.

Now that it was completely healed, Hux kissed him again, running his tongue over it and shivering in arousal. Kylo tried to make himself like it. It was definitely… a different sensation. Not wholly unpleasant.

Hux finally stepped back and looked at Kylo’s organization of his books, which were almost done. “Looks good, Kylo. You got these all done this morning? You sure are quick at this kind of stuff. I like that. Efficient.” Hux said proudly.

Kylo preened under the praise. He had worked hard to get it right. He took Hux’s hand and squeezed it lightly.

“Well, now that I’ve got all this extra time, what am I going to do with you?” Hux asked playfully.

Kylo tried to control the flutter of trepidation that went through him. Whatever it was, he would enjoy it because that’s what Hux wanted.

“Well, I’ll get a few things ready. I want you to finish this up and then make us an early dinner. Something light will do.” Hux said.

Kylo nodded obediently.

Hux tugged lightly on his nose ring and then turned away.

After their early dinner, Hux disappeared upstairs to the bedroom, telling Kylo to meet him up there after he finished cleaning the kitchen.

Kylo tried to be excited as he mounted the stairs instead of nervous, although he didn’t think he entirely succeeded.

Hux was sitting on the bed waiting for him, something small sitting beside him. Kylo was surprised. He had been expecting a whole pile of ropes and straps and whatever else.

Kylo came into the room and stood in front of Hux, his hands behind his back. He still couldn’t quite see what Hux had.

“You trust me, right?” Hux asked.

Kylo nodded without hesitation. He ignored the muffled voice in the back of his mind trying to be heard.

“I want to hear it.” Hux said.

Kylo fought down the panic that overtook him whenever he had to speak. He cleared his throat. His new, almost-whispered, broken voice came out. “Yes, of course I trust you, Hux.” He promised.

“Good,” Hux smiled, picking up the black hood that was sitting next to him. And there were the promised buckles and zipper. Kylo swallowed, not having to have much imagination to know how it was going to be used. “I want you to wear this. I’m going to take care of you.”

The Kylo of a few months ago might have wasted time protesting, or asking what it was, or what taking care of him meant, or any of a number of pointless things that just delayed the inevitable. This time, he only had one question, one he knew the answer to even as he was asking it. “How long?” He croaked.

“As long as I want.” Hux smiled deeply, pulling him in for one last kiss, using his teeth to tug on the tongue piercing. Kylo melted into it, wanting to enjoy it while he could.

After having Kylo brush his teeth and wash his face, Hux had him sit on the bed. He carefully tucked Kylo’s hair behind his ears and looked down at him, face warm and inviting. Kylo tried to calm himself down by telling himself Hux loved him. That had become a mantra to him over the past few weeks. Hux wouldn’t hurt him too badly because he loved him. People didn’t hurt the things they loved. Those long, yawning blanks in his memory begged to differ, but he tried not to think of those.

“The only thing I want you to do is relax and let me take care of you. Okay?” Hux said, kissing the top of his head and not waiting for an answer.

Hux pulled the hood over Kylo’s head and began fastening it in. Kylo had gotten a glimpse of it before it went on, so at least he knew what to expect. The eyes and ears were heavily padded and form-fitting. Kylo closed his eyes as the hood slid over his eyes. He would be entirely unable to see or hear. Anything. The idea filled him with an old terror of being locked in the box that first time he’d tried to escape. But this time things were different, he told himself sternly. This wasn’t a punishment, he was letting Hux do it to him this time. He’d been promised that he would be taken care of. Hux would never lie to him.

The cool padding pressed gently against his eyes, encouraging them to stay closed. When the hood was pulled over his ears, all sound beyond vague, muffled movement went away. The hood itself was form-fitting, tight without sticking to his skin. There was a small indent for his nose with air holes. As the hood was pulled completely over his head, all sensation beyond touch fell away. Kylo’s stomach swooped in terror. He reached out instinctively and fisted his fingers in Hux’s shirt for comfort. Just so he knew he was still there.

He could feel tugging sensations on his head. Hux was attaching the hood to his collar with the available buckles and rings so there was no way it could come off. Kylo didn’t think he would be able to figure it out from touch alone, even if he were going to try. That wasn’t it, of course. A strap was tightened around his chin, forcing his jaw closed. It wasn’t painfully tight, just secure. He wouldn’t be able to open his mouth at all. He was awash in a sea without sensation. Only touch was left to him.

Hux’s hands fell away, and Kylo suddenly panicked, reaching out for him. Hux wasn’t there. He whined deep in his throat. He wasn’t going to leave him alone, was he? He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t smell anything except his own breath. He remembered Hux’s admonition to relax, but how could he?

He tried to be good, to wait, but he hated feeling like this, separated from the world without an anchor. Heart pounding, his hands came up to feel at the buckles. Maybe he could get this thing off with a little work.

Without warning, Hux’s hands came back and captured his, pushing them down into his lap. Kylo whimpered again, leaning into him. There was another sensation on his hands. Without his other senses, it took Kylo an embarrassingly long time to figure out what it was.

His hands were being forced into tight mitts, fingers pushed into a fist with his thumbs on the inside. There were a few quick tugs as they were secured to his wrist cuffs. One hand and then the other. When it was done, Kylo shivered, his heart ratcheting up. He was senseless and now helpless. He wouldn’t be able to do anything for himself. Not open doors, feed himself, clothe himself, find his way around a room, or even go to the bathroom. The idea filled his chest with a panicky tightness.

He leaned forward, unimaginably relieved to find a chest there he could lean on. Arms were wrapped around him, and he found himself enveloped in a tight, warm hug. He was surprised to find he was shaking. All he could do was lean in closer, feeling Hux pull him down onto the bed so they were lying side-by-side. Kylo could feel the faint pressure of his forehead resting against something. He thought it was Hux’s chest. He huddled even closer, seeking comfort, security.

Hux held him like that for a long time. How long, Kylo had no earthly way of telling. Without seeing a clock or how the sun scudded across the sky, he found himself curiously unable to tell time. He could have been here for only a few minutes or a few hours. This disconnect from the world was one of his least favorite parts of being tied up, and he huddled close to Hux. As long as he was touching Hux, he knew where he stood in the world. His mitted hands were trapped between his chest and Hux’s. At least, he thought they were. Since he was clothed, he was robbed from the information that bare skin could give him. He began to hope that Hux would take his clothes off.

Kylo must have slid into a doze, because when he came back to himself, he thought he was alone. He reached his arm out, but felt nothing besides the bed. He sat up, panicked. Very carefully, Kylo stood up, his bare feet steadying him on the ground. He kept his right fist touching the bedpost and swung his other fist through the air. Nothing. The worst part of it was, Kylo wouldn’t know if Hux had left the room, or if he was standing just outside of his reach, watching everything.

Kylo whined again in the hopes of getting Hux’s attention. Maybe he went into the bathroom. Maybe he was getting something from the office. He sat on the edge of the bed, tapping his foot nervously, waiting for Hux to return. Hux could be talking to him and he wouldn’t know. He stayed remarkably still, hoping that he could somehow sense the vibrations in the air or something. Nothing.

He could have been sitting there for five minutes or an hour, it was a little hard to tell. Still, Hux didn’t come back. Kylo tried to tamp down on his panic. What if Hux had left, what if he had to go back to work and wouldn’t be back for hours, just leaving Kylo here in limbo? The very idea left his mouth dry. Worried now, he brought his hands up and tried to get at the buckles to the hood with his fingers. It was impossible. The mitts were buckled tight. He couldn’t even move his thumb inside his fists. He tried rubbing his wrist against his leg, hoping he would catch the edge of a strap and somehow get it off. No luck. He was completely helpless.

Knowing what Hux would say if he knew Kylo was wandering around without permission, he pulled himself back onto the bed, curling up where he thought the pillow was. Abandonment made him cold, and he wished he could pull the blankets over him, but they were tucked in well, and he couldn’t get to them like he was. Bitter tears rose to his blind eyes. This was horrible. He’d tolerated the idea as long as Hux had been here, but now he was completely alone.

He drifted a while longer, might have fallen asleep. It was hard to tell. When he came back to consciousness, Hux _still_ wasn’t back. Kylo sat up again, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around them defensively. He had no idea what time it was. It could be early evening, it might be the middle of the night. The thought that it could be the following morning was too horrifying to consider. He took stock of his body. He wasn’t hungry, and he didn’t have to go to the bathroom, so surely it couldn’t have been _that_ long.

Fear ran its fingers up Kylo’s spine. He was starting to feel claustrophobic, even thought he basically had freedom of movement. He scrabbled uselessly under his chin, trying to get the restraints off, but he couldn’t manage it. Muffled sobs vibrated in his throat, but he couldn’t even hear himself making noise, which only made it worse. He wanted _out_ of this now. He couldn’t stand another second.

Kylo swung his feet over and put them carefully on the ground. Maybe he could find Hux. He knew the layout of the house. It couldn’t be _that_ hard to find his way. He tried to tell himself it was the same principle as finding your way around the house with the lights off, knowing that it wasn’t anything like it.

With a familiar terror, Kylo took one step away from the bed. The second his right fist left the bedpost, he was swamped by the sudden feeling that he was a tiny speck adrift in a huge ocean of nothingness. He swallowed down bile and took another few shaky steps, his hands out in front of him.

He’d made it maybe half a dozen steps before he knew he’d made a huge mistake. He’d taken his best guess as to walking towards the bathroom, but his trajectory must be off, because he was still in the middle of the room somewhere. He hadn’t run into anything. It might have been better if he _had,_ because then he could use that as an anchor. Heart pounding in his chest, Kylo stood there frozen for a very long time. He took one more tentative step, stumbling because without sight or hearing, his balance was completely shot. He still didn’t feel anything ahead.

Tasting the sting of defeat, Kylo decided to turn around and go back to the bed. He’d taken what must have been twelve steps before conceding that he was going the wrong way. He _still_ hadn’t run into a single thing. The irrational thought that everything in the room had been taken away when he wasn’t looking and now he was walking through an endless, empty hall crossed his mind. He shivered. Panic began to choke him, and he wildly began to wave his arms around, hoping for _something_ he could grab onto. The longer he went without an anchor, the worse this got. He was letting out panicked, wheezing noises that he couldn’t help. He felt the dizzy, loose terror that meant he could pass out at any minute.

Then, hands were touching him, massaging his shoulders and pulling him in. Kylo nearly choked in relief. He surged closer, feeling Hux’s arms wrap close around him, enveloping him in their protection. His knees went liquid, and he slid to the ground, shaking with suppressed sobs. The arms kept holding him until he was done. Kylo pressed as close to Hux’s warmth as he could. He _never_ wanted to go through that again. If he had to glue himself to Hux’s side to feel safe, that’s what he would do. He could feel a slight vibration in his chest, and wondered if Hux was talking to him. If so, it was wonderful. He nuzzled in.

The hands started pulling at his clothes, and Kylo cooperated gladly, eager to get them off. His pants and underwear were pulled down around his ankles and whisked away, and then his shirt pulled over his head. Kylo arched into Hux’s touch when he came back, pressing down on his shoulders so he was lying flat on the ground. Kylo thought he was still on the floor of the bedroom, but it was a little hard to tell. He’d sort of lost track of where he is. And that didn’t matter right now, because he was wherever Hux wanted him to be. That was enough.

Kylo moaned in pleasure as Hux’s skin touched his. Without the use of his hands or his other senses, Kylo discovered how expressive skin could be. He could feel pressure, and the rough stubble on Hux’s chin as he kissed his chest. He could feel Hux’s warm breath rush over the divot between his shoulder and neck. He felt the rough fibers of the carpet digging into his back and legs. He left his hands lying by his sides, available for whatever Hux wanted with them. They were useless anyhow. He sighed in satisfaction. He seemed to have lost track of place and time, but he was happy as long as Hux was touching him.

He yelped as teeth scraped against one of his nipples. He spread his legs as he felt Hux’s weight settle down between them. Hux was moving slowly down his body, and Kylo lay there and let it happen. He shivered when he felt the slick heat of a tongue stripe up his lower belly. Hux took the navel piercing in between his teeth and _tugged_. Kylo felt a corresponding pull in his groin like they were connected by a string. _Oh_. Now he understood the appeal.

Kylo wasn’t sure how long this went on. He arced his back and wished he could reach out for Hux. At some point, Hux took Kylo’s cock into his mouth, and Kylo’s brain shorted out for a while. He came with a muffled shout and collapsed back onto the ground, panting. Hux pulled away from him for a few moments, and he started to worry he had been abandoned again, but then Hux was back, pulling him into his lap to cradle his head. Kylo floated in contentment for a while as he rode out his orgasm.

The next time he was aware, Hux was pulling him by the harness somewhere. He thought he might have slept, but he wasn’t sure. He was pushed down onto a cold surface and a wet cloth was run over him, cleaning him off. Kylo leaned in, sighing.

He felt the telltale clip of a leash being attached to his collar, and then there was a gentle tug until Kylo followed along. He tried walking, but every step he took made him more paranoid that he would crash into a doorway or plunge down the stairs to break his neck. He lowered himself down to his knees and crawled. He moved where he was led, getting a gentle tap on the nose as a warning before he had to go down the stairs. He just followed Hux’s unspoken orders, and floated.

It was becoming easier and easier to doze off into this zombified state as time went on, but this time it didn’t scare him. He didn’t have to worry, or think, or do anything. Just respond to touches and move where Hux bid. That was easy.

Gentle hands were on his head, and then the strap around his chin was loosened. He opened his mouth obediently. He had seen a zipper on the outside when Hux was putting it on him. He was fed what tasted like strawberries and granola, and then a straw was guided into his mouth. It was water. Kylo ate contentedly, not thinking very much.

His mouth was closed. The strap was tightened. He was led somewhere else. Kylo wasn’t entirely sure where, and it didn’t seem to matter. Hux held him, maybe on the couch, biting his shoulder and crook of his neck until Kylo was squirming and whimpering. Then he was kneeling on the ground, but he could still feel Hux above him, so it was fine.

It went on like that for a while. Kylo surrendered completely to helplessness, allowing Hux to move him this way and that. After a time, he had no idea what time it was or where he was in the house. He could have spent a week like this, for all he knew. The only thing that felt real were Hux’s hands on him, always a small touch here or there to ground him.

Things began to happen to him, without Kylo’s understanding. He lay on his stomach on a hard, flat surface as Hux fucked him. He was fed. He was taken to the bathroom. He was pushed and pulled this way and that by the collar and harness. The only constant was that Hux was always there. Kylo found that he _did_ trust Hux. He’d never felt more secure. There was a certain freedom that came with not thinking.

Kylo found himself lying on something soft. A bed? Hux was inside him, and then he came. Kylo didn’t, but that was okay. He was content enough to float.

He was being held again. Kylo pressed his head against Hux’s chest, feeling the vibrations of speech as Hux spoke to him. Kylo didn’t need to hear to know that the words were comforting and affectionate. He wanted to burrow into Hux’s chest and never come out.

When Hux eventually took the hood off and freed his hands, Kylo was almost disappointed. He had to return to the world of thinking, of constantly worrying that he was doing the wrong thing. Hux told him he loved him, voice bright and warm. Kylo realized without any shock that he believed him, wholly, utterly. He let Hux kiss him and thought fondly of oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little late. I had to tweak it a little bit before I published. Also sorry about Clarence :( It's Hux's fault.
> 
> The plot is going to start coming hard and fast starting in the next chapter, so I figured we needed one more calm (? lmao) chapter before the storm. We're going to start motivating towards a conclusion here soon. There's still quite a bit to come, but the end is sort of in sight now.


	23. Chapter 23

Time went on. Kylo wasn’t sure how much. Sometimes, it seemed like he’d been with Hux forever. His blank periods began to last for longer and longer, even when Hux was there. It got to the point where he realized he was missing whole days at a jump. The worst part was, it didn’t even seem to bother him very much. Nothing bothered him much anymore. It was harder and harder for him to recall anything from his previous life, and when he did, it was with something approaching rancor.

Two conflicting ideas seemed to have taken place in his mind. On the one hand, he had gotten used to living with Hux. More than that, he realized Hux loved him and was going to take care of him. If he didn’t like some of his methods, that wasn’t up to him. Hux knew better, and it didn’t matter much if Kylo got with the program, because it was going to happen either way. Most of the time, he could convince himself he loved Hux back. The dead of night was the hardest. When he was lucid, he found it hard to sleep. He lay beside Hux for hours, staring at the ceiling. In these quiet moments, his latent feelings of hopelessness came upon him like a wave. In these moments, he was able to turn his head to look at Hux and summon up resentment. Even this small feeling scared him, and he tried to stop it whenever he noticed. It would only land him in trouble.

On the other hand, when he thought of Rey, or his mother, or Luke, it was with a mixture of nostalgia and anger that they’d left him here, not even tried to find him. This sentiment didn’t make sense. He could hate them for not caring about him, for a myriad of reasons that Hux had helped him see. But to hate them for abandoning him? To Hux? How could he hate them for leaving him to someone who he loved? The cognitive dissonance was enough to give him headaches, and he tried his best not to think of it.

They had reached an equilibrium, a routine that stuck. Kylo cooked Hux breakfast and dinner, Hux went off to work while Kylo kept the house. In the evenings, Hux would read and Kylo would sit at his feet, blank and empty. They would usually make love, and Hux would tie Kylo up to sleep. Kylo almost managed to convince himself that he liked it, that it made him feel secure instead of suffocated.

Increasingly, Hux started coming home later and later, his mood distracted and short. Kylo would work harder than before to make Hux happy, not always successfully. On bad nights, Kylo’s limp got so bad he had to hang onto the furniture to get around the house. When Hux was like this, he wouldn’t read in the evenings. He would just sit in silence with a drink. Sometimes Kylo would get a sip or two. Most of the time, he didn’t. Instead of stroking Kylo’s hair, which he did when he was happy, Hux would tug on the back of Kylo’s collar proprietarily. Kylo would wince at the choking pressure, but he didn’t say anything. Once, he asked in a cautious voice what was wrong. Hux brought out the muzzle and didn’t let him take it off for three days.

To Kylo’s relief, Hux didn’t add anything to his permanent restraints or piercings. It appeared he was as marked up as he would ever get. Either that, or Hux was too distracted to pay proper attention to him.

One day, Hux burst through the door earlier than normal, bringing with him a gust of cold air. It was the beginning of fall. He was carrying two plastic bags and he didn’t even bother taking off his long coat. It flapped around his ankles as he bid Kylo follow him. He was scowling.

Kylo immediately grew nervous, but followed, his limp slowing him down. Hux led him down to the basement. Kylo faltered. He hardly went down there anymore. Not since he’d started to behave. Nevertheless, he nervously stood at the foot of the stairs and watched as Hux busied himself unloading the bags. They were filled with non-perishable food and water bottles. He then went into the other room and came back carrying chains that he locked onto sturdy rings embedded in the far wall. Kylo’s heart sank.

All preparation done, Hux turned around and beckoned toward Kylo. “Come here.” He demanded. He wasn’t acting anything like he normally did. He was short and cold and kept glancing at his watch. Kylo’s heart was beating in his ears.

He took one hesitant step forward, and Hux lost patience, grabbing his arm and dragging him over. He attached the longest chain to the back of Kylo’s harness, and then two to his ankle cuffs. His wrists were left free. Hux took a moment to check the locks and chains, pulling on them to make sure they were secure. None of them budged. Kylo stood there unmoving through all this, trying his best not to cry. What had he done to deserve this? What awful mistake had he made that Hux was just going to leave him down here?

It was when Hux began to walk away without saying anything that Kylo fought against every instinct and spoke up. “Hux, w-what did I do?”

Hux turned around, and his face softened for a moment. “Nothing, dear. I… I have to go away for a few days, that’s all.”

Fear overtook him. “_Days_?” Kylo gasped. “Please don’t… Don’t leave me.”

Hux didn’t come any closer. “I have a few pressing matters to attend to that can’t wait. I’m sorry. You’ve got enough food and water to last the week. I’ll be back.”

Hux began mounting the stairs. Kylo stepped forward until he pulled his chains taut. “_Hux_,” He pleaded, eyes wide.

Hux left without saying a word.

Those were the longest few days of Kylo’s life. His basic needs were taken care of. True to his word, there was more than enough food and water. The chains were long enough for him to reach the toilet and sink easily, so that wasn’t a problem. He thought it might have been better if he were starving, or freezing, or in pain. At least then it would be something to _concentrate_ on. This was just… one long stretch of nothing.

He spent most of the first day just sitting against the wall, arms hugged around himself. He cried a lot. Hux hadn’t left him with anything to break the boredom. He huddled down on the cold, concrete floor to sleep, wishing bitterly for a pillow or blanket. Hux hadn’t thought of it, it seemed.

The next day, around the time where Hux would have gotten up, Kylo lost any composure he had. He started tearing at the chains, putting his full weight into it. The chain links dug into his hands, leaving angry, red furrows, but he didn’t get anywhere. The locks were secure, the chains were new. All he managed to do was wind himself. He fell to the floor with a strangled shout.

Kylo fell back on old habits. He slammed his fist into the wall until he broke the skin. The pain felt good, a lightning bolt to the brain.

The good feeling didn’t last long. He missed Hux so much it felt like a physical ache. He was hoping he’d be able to enter one of those blank periods, but his mind remained stubbornly _there._ Kylo wondered if he was only able to float like that when he was doing something for Hux. This, here, he could only hope to endure.

He leaned against the wall and stared up at his tiny scrap of sky. Clouds scudded across the sky. Rain pelted the window. He stretched, trying to relax his muscles through the harness, but it was hard to do. He knew Hux had said he had work to do, but he couldn’t help feeling that this was his fault somehow. He’d disappointed Hux in some way, and now he’d been put away like a thing that had fulfilled his purpose. Hux _still_ didn’t trust him enough to stay put when he was gone for longer than a few hours. Kylo ran over everything he’d done over the past few weeks, wondering what it was that was so unsatisfactory that Hux didn’t trust him. He didn’t know.

It never really crossed his mind to wonder what it was that Hux was _doing_, what had been so urgent that he had to leave on a moment’s notice for a few days. The time in his life where those things were important to him were long over. Hux rarely told him anything of substance about his work with the First Order the entire time he’d been here. He’d heard vague complaints about his coworkers and rivals, but that was all.

He waited, because that’s what Hux wanted. He waited for nearly five days.

* * *

Things hadn’t been going well for Hux for a few weeks now. Leia Organa and the damned Resistance was becoming quite a pain in his ass. There had been a clear hierarchy between First Order and the Resistance for almost as long as they’d been around. First Order was bad news, the real deal. The Resistance was a wannabe, do-gooder organization, but as long as they stayed out of his way, Hux was content to stay out of theirs.

The way he saw it was, the Resistance had forfeited their right to his indifference when they sent Kylo to steal from him. The way he saw it, Kylo was payment for Leia Organa forgetting her place in the food chain.

Of course, when Kylo initially disappeared, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that it was First Order, but there was no need for Leia to think it was Armitage Hux. Just some disposable subordinates that made a rash decision to kill Kylo Ren on sight. He’d encouraged that idea. When Rey and Luke Skywalker came sniffing around, he produced pretty compelling evidence that Kylo’s body was rotting at the bottom of the river. He’d even given up one of the men who’d taken him. Hux’s men were paid well, so there was no chance that he would give up Hux’s secrets.

Leia had no choice but to accept what had happened at face value. Her only son was killed by First Order lackeys. It was awful, but it was suicide to try and take it any farther than that. Hux was home free. He had Kylo, and nobody knew it. He should have left it at that.

Hux could admit to himself that he might have made a mistake. He’d gotten a little overconfident by sending those pictures of Kylo to his mother. He could be a little… possessive, and he hadn’t been able to resist demonstrating this last bit of control. It almost wasn’t enough for him that he owned Kylo; he wanted to show him off, how much he’d changed him, how much he’d made him his.

He’d underestimated Leia. He hadn’t wanted much beyond horrifying her, showing off his claim. He should have left well enough alone.

It was like Leia was just waiting for an opportunity like this, and Hux had fired the starting pistol. Once she discovered her son was still alive, she’d started a war. She’d spent the last few months shoring up support, sending groups of her men in little skirmishes to take out different First Order bases. Hux was unhappy to discover that she was actually gaining quite a bit of ground.

His only advantage so far was that she couldn’t know for sure that it was him that had sent those pictures. She knew it was First Order, but she couldn’t know for sure it was Hux that had taken him. Snoke had a horrible reputation, and people even whispered things about Phasma. Right now, the only thing protecting Hux from a brick coming down on his head was that he was surrounded by company that was just as abhorrent as he was.

He just didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this. Leia and the Resistance were circling around him, getting closer and closer every day. Kylo didn’t have to know any of this, of course, but Hux was getting worried.

And it was all coming to a head. Leia had demanded a meeting between her men and his. She’d asked before, but this time, he could ignore her no longer. In her missive, she said it was about making a deal, about terms of peace, but she wasn’t fooling anybody. This meeting was about Kylo.

Most of Hux’s men were scattered to the wind. Snoke was ostensibly supposed to help run this operation, but he was becoming more and more unreliable by the day. The only one Hux could truly count on recently was Phasma, but she had pressing business elsewhere. This meant Hux was going to this meeting alone, with only the scant backup of a few subordinates. He told them to keep their eyes open and trigger fingers ready, but this was his show.

Hux walked into the warehouse straightening his coat and fixing his watch. It wouldn’t do to let them see him nervous.

There was a table set up in the middle of the room. Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker were sitting side-by-side, grim, waiting for him to arrive. There were a few other people in the room, most notably Han Solo pacing back and forth at the back of the room. He didn’t look around when Hux came in. Hux took his time making his way to the table. The last figure he noticed was a younger woman with buns in her hair and an oversized jacket. She had her arms crossed and glared daggers at him. She looked like she was two seconds away from launching herself at him. This must be Rey.

Hux walked up to the table and put a hand on the chair.

“Leia,” Hux greeted her with a cool nod.

“Armitage,” Leia shot back in disgust.

Hux sent her a thin smile, no teeth. He delicately pulled his offered chair back, sat down, folded his hands on the table. “Well, I am just desperate to know why you’ve called this meeting.”

There was a grunt of disgust from the back of the room. It came from Han, who was still pacing. He looked leaner in person, sharper.

Leia was icy, still. “We’re here to discuss your terms of surrender.”

Hux pretended to not be affected. “_My_ terms? What makes you think I have any intention of surrendering?”

Luke spoke up, teeth gritted. He wasn’t nearly as level-headed as his sister. “Because our men have taken more than half of your safe houses this month. We’ve disrupted your lines of supply. It’s only a matter of time before we finish the job. You’re done.”

Hux didn’t look away from Leia. He knew she was the one calling the shots here. “Even if I were going to entertain the possibility that a rinky-dink operation like your own has even a _chance_ of toppling the First Order, you certainly aren’t even leagues close to it. First Order have been here for decades. We’ve weathered worse than some… rebel scum.”

Luke was about to retort, but Leia held up a hand to stop him. She was nearly motionless. “You’re here, aren’t you? If we were as insignificant as you say, you would never have come. But… here you sit.”

Hux scowled and his mouth became a thin line. He didn’t have a retort for that. “Let’s get this straight. I’m here as a concession to you, as a gesture of respect to you and only you, Organa. But don’t be mistaken. I do not plan on surrendering. If you do not desist, I will be forced to bring down the full force of the First Order against you.”

Rey, silent up to this point, took a few steps forward and pointed an accusatory finger at Hux. She was fuming. “Oh, give me a fucking break! If you could, you would, you stupid, pompous shithead. You can’t, so stop pretending to be in a position of power. You’re on your back legs.”

Hux spared her but a glance. Leia turned around and appealed to her, voice strained. “Rey! Let me take care of this.”

Rey grunted in irritation and backed off, folding her arms and glaring daggers at Hux again. He could tell she was only waiting for an excuse. He thought out of all of them, she was the biggest danger to his immediate well-being, the most likely to fly off the handle.

Luke lost patience first. He slammed a hand down on the table. “Oh, enough of this! Let’s talk about why we’re really here.”

Leia nodded. She drew herself up to her full height. “Yes, let’s. You’re going to give my son back.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. Now they were getting somewhere. “Am I?”

“Yes, you are. Or I’ll make your life more of a living hell than I already have.” Leia was icy, she was cold, but Hux could see deep in her eyes something else: fear. He was good at sniffing out weakness.

“And pray tell, how would I do that if he’s dead?” Hux answered seriously.

There was a brief pause.

Leia narrowed her eyes. “He’s not dead. You decided to send me pictures of him. Maybe if you hadn’t done that, I would believe that he was lying at the bottom of a river. As it is…”

Hux pretended to realize what she was talking about. He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, _those_? Well, I see where the confusion comes from. Those photos are of my Kylo, not your Ben Organa.”

Leia waved a hand in anger like this was of no matter. “It doesn’t matter what you call him! I’ve never liked that silly name he goes by.”

Hux smiled, all his teeth on display. “I think you’d be surprised. He’s different these days. _Sweeter_. Eager to please.”

There was a long pause this time.

Han stepped forward with his fists clenched. “You son of a bitch! If you think I’m going to sit here and listen to you taunt us, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Leia didn’t stop him this time. She was pale, looked shaken by what Hux had said. Rey looked sick.

Hux turned his attention to Han. “What are you going to do? Kill me? You’re welcome to try, but then you’ll never find him.”

Han stalked forward, fists at his sides. The thrumming anger and energy reminded Hux of how Kylo had been at the beginning. “We will.”

Hux shrugged, crossing one ankle over his knee casually. “Eventually, maybe. But not in time. He’s been through a lot lately. I’m sure you don’t want to add starvation to the list.”

Hux really thought Han was going to take a swing at him, when Leia finally reined in the conversation. “Enough. Here are our terms. You surrender your operation to us. You return _Ben_ to me, within the week. In return, I will allow you to keep one third of what you have now.”

“If you don’t, we will burn you to the ground. You will have nothing left.” Luke said, gruff. He and Leia were mirroring each other’s stance across the table. Han and Rey were one inch from wildly unloading on him; Leia was willing to make the hard decisions, to be the diplomat, to beat him in the long run; but Hux thought Luke had the best chance of taking him apart.

Hux didn’t even give it a thought. “No,” He said simply.

Leia seemed taken aback. “No? I don’t think you understand, Hux. I want my son back. I’m getting him back.”

Hux leaned across the table towards her in a predatory stance. Some of his possessiveness seeped into his voice. “What makes you think he wants _you_ back? He’s been under my care for a long while.”

Leia frowned. “I’m his _mother_. We’re his family.”

“Which makes it even worse that you abandoned him. You forfeited him to me when you decided to steal from the First Order. You didn’t even care enough about him to look for him.” Hux said.

“That’s not true!” Leia snapped. “I’ve never _stopped_ looking.”

“He doesn’t know that. All he knows is nobody came to rescue him.” Hux said.

Leia stiffened. “So you lied to him.”

Hux shrugged. “I helped Kylo see things in a new light. And he was _very_ appreciative… Eventually.”

“What did you do to him?” It was Rey again, her voice soft and horrified. From the way she said it, it sounded like she didn’t want to know the answer.

Hux turned to her, grinned. “Would you like to know? I could give you the blow-by-blow. You can make someone do almost anything as long as you give them the right… incentive.”

Leia slammed her hands on the desk and shot to her feet. Her face had turned into a cold mask. Everyone else in the room was shocked by her heel turn. Her voice came out slow and through clenched teeth. “I know you think you have the upper hand here, Hux, but I _will not_ sit here and listen to you talk about my son like he is some disposable chess piece. Do you hear me? I will not allow it.”

Hux smiled up at her. “_Such loyalty_. But where were you when he needed you the most? Nowhere to be found, so I did what you should have done. I took _good_ care of him.”

Leia took a long few moments to get herself under control. Hux could see it took a great deal of effort.

“Here are my terms. Surrender. Today. Return my son. Slither back under whatever dead rock you came from or I will show you no mercy.” Leia seethed.

Hux stood up slowly, adjusted his jacket. “Alright, I’ve heard your terms. Here are mine. Cease and desist. Would you like to hear your son screaming? Because I can make that happen. He’s done quite a bit of screaming already, but he can always do more. I’m sure he would love to know that it’s all on your account. I hate to do it, but he is always so sweet afterwards.”

Leia and Hux regarded each other for a long few seconds. Neither one was prepared to cave. Each one was an immovable object.

“You’ll come to regret this.” Leia said simply.

Hux smirked, turned away. “I doubt that.”

She’d surprised him with her tenacity, she certainly had, but Hux had no illusions that she was of any lasting danger to him. Once she saw he wasn’t willing to concede any ground, she’d give up. He was sure of it.

As Hux started walking back to the entrance, he heard Rey and Han arguing with Leia. “You can’t just let him walk out of here!” Rey said angrily.

Leia sighed. “He has too many men! And he’s telling the truth about Ben wasting away. We can’t take that chance. We have no choice.”

“I can make him talk!” Rey protested.

“Dear, I don’t know if you can.” Leia said.

Hux didn’t respond to any of this. He was halfway to the entrance when he heard Han shout behind him. “Hey! Get back here!”

Hux just kept walking, didn’t even acknowledge their presence. He heard more shouting, and he was almost home free when he heard a shot ring out. An explosion of agony in his right side hit him at the same time that he was spun halfway around by a bullet. Hux cried out in surprise and stumbled to one knee.

Chaos reigned in the warehouse. Everybody was screaming at each other suddenly. Hux glanced up to see Rey lowering a pistol and giving him a snarled look of rage. Luke was trying to wrestle it out of her hands. Hux’s men sprang into action, doing their job and firing back on the Resistance.

Hux couldn’t pay attention to any of that. With a force of will that felt nearly impossible, Hux staggered to his feet and began shuffling towards the entrance and his car, one hand pressed over his gunshot wound, which by now was bleeding and soaking his shirt and pants. He thought for sure someone would stop him, but they were all too busy fighting each other. The men he’d brought with them provided a shield between him and the Resistance. Hux grit his teeth until he made it out of the building. It took him a maddeningly long time to get to his car, unlock the door, and collapse into the driver’s seat.

The pain was rising all the way up the right side of his body, and he felt his vision waver and flicker, but Hux grit his teeth and started the car. He needed to get out of here. If they managed to capture him now, it would be all over. With unsteady hands, he managed to pull away from the warehouse. In his rearview mirror, he could see Rey and Luke sprint out of the building just too late and come pelting toward him. Hux heaved in a breath and forced himself to keep driving.

He had to drive all the way back to his house by himself, bleeding out the whole way.

Hux almost crashed his car into the tree in front of his house on the way back. It was rainy, and his windshield had fogged up so much it was hard to see, even with the defogger going at full blast. He careened up onto the pavement of the walk in front of his house. His car stalled and he sat there in shock for a few moments. Blood welled up from a cut in his eyebrow, and he nursed his right side. Blood soaked his shirt. Some was even dripping onto the leather seats.

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Hux shoved open his car door and stumbled out, throwing his free hand out to catch himself. The longer he went with this bullet in him, the worse off he was.

Hux almost dropped his keys as he fumbled to get the front door open. The wind slammed the door against the wall, and a rush of cold air and rain entered behind him.

Hux barely made it down the stairs to the basement. He could feel unconsciousness threatening, and knew that if he passed out before he could get to Kylo, that would be it for both of them. He would bleed out on the floor, and Kylo would starve to death chained up in the basement, his savior mere yards away with the keys.

Kylo was already standing up and waiting for Hux when he came into view. His face was pale and expression worried, straining against his harness like a dog on a leash. When he saw Hux’s bloodied state, his mouth dropped open in shock. He looked terrified.

Hux stumbled and fell into the cage, taking a moment and breathing heavily before he could move on. He fumbled the keys out of his pocket and threw them at Kylo. Kylo flinched and nearly dropped them, catching them with both hands at the last second. He stared up at Hux, desperate for some instruction or explanation.

Hux’s vision was going gray at the edges. “Make yourself useful.” He growled. “Get the medical supplies out. You know where they are. I’ve been shot. You’re going to have to remove the bullet and patch me up.”

Kylo stared at him for another few seconds, then jumped into action when Hux snapped at him. “_Now_, Ben!” Ben meant Hux was angry. Ben meant get your ass into gear to make him happy. Post haste.

Kylo’s hands shook as he unlocked the chains from his ankles and harness, leaving him free to move around. He knew where the medical supplies were. He’d watched Hux pull them out on many occasions to patch up some injury he’d gotten. Or, to be more accurate, some injury that Hux had given him.

Kylo didn’t waste any time asking Hux what had happened, or waiting for some kind of apology for leaving him locked up for nearly a week. He didn’t get to know. He just needed to fix Hux. With difficulty, Kylo supported Hux’s weight up the stairs. Kylo was skinny from stress and hunger, so this was harder than it would normally be. They were both out of breath by the time they emerged into the kitchen. Hux’s eyes kept unfocusing, and his skin was turning gray. Kylo was terrified. If Hux died, he didn’t know what he was going to do. Hux was his entire world. If Hux died, he had nothing.

Kylo laid Hux out on the couch and scurried up the stairs to the master bathroom, where he dug out the necessary supplies from the cabinet.

Hux’s breath was coming rapid and shallow by the time he came back. He was inches away from falling unconscious, but he wouldn’t let himself go. As Kylo scattered supplies on the coffee table and fumbled through packaging, Hux stared at him balefully.

“And I… expect… those keys… to be in my pocket when I wake up. Got. It? If they’re not, or if you don’t patch me up, you’ll be alone again. I know you don’t want that.” Hux hissed, blood soaking through his shirt. He was inches away from passing out.

Kylo’s face paled, and he pressed his lips together, shaking his head tightly. He was soaking a pair of tweezers in antiseptic, hoping they were long enough to reach the bullet. He hoped it wasn’t lodged too deeply. He really didn’t know what he was doing beyond basic triage.

“Behave, Kylo.” Hux hissed, and then lost the battle with consciousness.

Kylo did just that. He got to work right away. Thankfully, the bullet wasn’t lodged deep at all, and it was completely intact. He pulled it out easily, disinfected the wound, stitched it up to the best of his ability, and bandaged Hux’s side.

He’d spent the entire time in white-knuckled terror at the thought of Hux slipping away from him, breath leaving his lungs in one last death rattle. The space on the other end of that happening was too black to consider. It took an hour or two, but he thought he’d stabilized Hux enough.

Kylo knelt next to the unconscious Hux, trying to calm his racing heart. Hux’s ginger hair was a shock against his pale skin after losing so much blood. He had a frown creasing his forehead even in sleep. His hands were folded over his chest, and he still seemed severe, like he was about to stand up and start walking around. Kylo brushed some of his sweaty hair away from his forehead, taking the unimaginable liberty of kissing Hux on the forehead, marveling at his own daring before backing away. He still had work to do tonight.

Hux awoke, head pounding, mouth dry, side throbbing in swollen pain. He opened his eyes immediately and assessed the potential threats of his environs, still in survival mode. He was lying on the couch in his living room. All was quiet. He stared blankly at the ceiling for a few moments, trying to get his bearings.

All of a sudden, he remembered the snafu that yesterday had become. He remembered stumbling home by the skin of his teeth, throwing his keys at Kylo and then passing out. He had the barest thought before losing consciousness that he might wake up locked in the cage in the basement or with Kylo and his car gone. Doubt, an emotion Armitage Hux was fairly unfamiliar with, gripped him.

Instead of waking up in some compromising position, Hux was lying comfortably on his couch. His shoes had been removed and placed neatly next to him. His coat was folded over the arm of the couch. There was a pillow underneath his head, and he was covered in a warm blanket. With unsteady hands, Hux pushed the blanket aside and rucked up his shirt to see his bullet wound. It had been cleaned, sewn up, and bandaged as neatly as an amateur could. It hurt like hell, but it didn’t look infected, and he hadn’t died from blood loss, so Hux had to trust that he was going to make it.

Looking to the side, Hux realized that there was a tall glass of water sitting on a coaster. A plate contained a peanut butter sandwich and a handful of pain pills for him to select from. His key ring rested next to the water. At first glance, it seemed that all keys were accounted for. But where was Kylo?

Hux’s vague worry that Kylo would have taken this excellent chance to run off proved unfounded. Once Hux managed to swing his feet to the ground and sit up slowly, holding his side gingerly and huffing through the pain, he saw him.

Kylo lay curled up on the ground next to the couch, head pillowed in his arms, legs pulled up close to his chest for warmth. The ever present look of anxiousness still graced his features in sleep. Although there were two other armchairs, a bed upstairs, and extra blankets, Kylo was instead on the ground at Hux’s feet. Perhaps he knew that Hux wouldn’t have approved of him taking that kind of liberty. Perhaps he simply knew his place. Below Hux. Hux was filled with a warm affection.

Hux popped two of the pain pills and took his time eating and drinking the water until he felt like a person again. He nudged Kylo awake with his foot. He startled awake, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. He sidled over to Hux and looked up at him in worry.

“You patched me up.” Hux said in slight wonderment, rubbing one thumb over Kylo’s lips.

Kylo took a few seconds to work up the courage to speak, as he did these days. “I was…” He paused, clearing his rusty throat. “I thought you might die. I was really scared. There was just… so much blood.” He finished in an almost whisper. He was resting his chin on Hux’s knees.

Hux’s face twitched into a smile. “You were worried about me?”

Kylo nodded with wide eyes.

Hux pulled him up and kissed him. His side flared in pain at just this slight movement, and he hissed into Kylo’s mouth. “You won’t be getting rid of me that easily, I promise you that.”

From the way Kylo melted into him, he found this comforting and not horrifying, as he would have only a few months ago.

With Kylo’s help, Hux got to his feet, grunting in pain and swaying in pain. They made their slow way down the hall to the bathroom. Hux’s hair was flat with old sweat, and he was still wearing his bloodstained clothes. He needed to get the bandage changed and bathed. Kylo helped without complaint or comment. Judging from the slightly starstruck expression on his face, he was only happy to get Hux back.

As Hux sat on the edge of the tub while Kylo carefully tended to his wound, gingerly taping a new bandage down, he found himself curious. “You’re not going to ask what happened? Why I was gone for so long? I’ll be honest, I expected that was going to be the first thing you asked.”

Kylo ducked his head, looking guilty at the thought of taking such a liberty even though it was Hux who brought it up. He shook his head meekly.

Call it the blood loss or the way his head was swimming, but Hux was suddenly overcome by a strong emotion. It wasn’t quite love or pride, but something in between the two. He’d left Kylo chained up in the basement for nearly a week, with food and water but nothing else, he’d come back bleeding and passed out without a single explanation, and all Kylo did was patch him up without complaint. He was perfect.

Hux tugged on the nose ring. “That’s my boy.” He said. Kylo didn’t quite smile, Hux had never seen him smile, but he looked pleased, content even.

That night, Hux didn’t have the energy to tie Kylo up like normal, so Kylo snuggled up next to him, head slotted under his chin and arms wrapped around him, careful to leave his wound plenty of space. Hux stroked his hair, dozing contentedly.

If he hadn’t been quite so exhausted, quite so loopy from blood loss, it might have occurred to Hux to wonder what happened at that warehouse after he left, about the men he left behind and what they knew about him. But it had been a long, long day.

Before he dropped off completely, he thought he heard Kylo whispering. “Please don’t leave me again. Please just stay. Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello, Leia and the gang! Look, of COURSE she didn't give up on Kylo. This is Leia we're talking about here.
> 
> We can all agree that the loved ones being horrified is at least a quarter of the fun of stories like this, right? Yes? Okay, good.
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it :)


	24. Chapter 24

It took a few weeks for Hux to recover from being shot. Unfortunately, the fact that he wasn’t around to take care of business just made everything worse. Leia, Luke, and her entire damned Resistance was coming at First Order strongholds from all sides. Increasingly, Hux’s men were losing the fight. He oversaw some of the planning from home, hours-long, furious conversations over the phone in his office with the door closed; but it would be so much better if he could get out in the field.

By the time he was recovered enough to leave the house, the situation had gotten even worse. First Order was definitely on the retreat. Hux coordinated furiously with Phasma and Snoke, but they were slowly beset on all sides. This had never once happened in all the time Hux had been in charge. These assaults were planned and executed well. Hux cursed Leia every waking moment.

The only saving grace was that Kylo didn’t know any of this was going on. He could tell that something was stressing Hux out, but he didn’t know any of the details, and god willing, he never would. That was the last thing Hux needed. Kylo getting doubts. He’d just finished conditioning Kylo. He didn’t want anyone undoing all his hard work.

All things considered, Hux thought he was holding it together pretty well. That was, at least, until the night when Luke Skywalker and Han Solo stormed his headquarters and took most of the contraband he had stored there, including the still-recovering Jack. Jack knew everything about Hux’s operation. He knew details, he knew Phasma and Snoke. Worst of all, he knew where Hux lived. He knew about, hell, he’d actually _met_ Kylo. When Hux found out, his insides turned to ice. It was only a matter of time before one of those fucking do-gooders wheedled it out of him. Jack had no reason to protect Hux after what he’d done. Hux hated them, but he wasn’t stupid enough to underestimate them. Not anymore. And when they found out where Kylo was, they would come drive Hux from his home, they would take Kylo away from him. No. No. He wouldn’t stand for it. Kylo belonged to _him_, he wasn’t going to let anyone come between them. Not after everything he’d been through to keep him.

So Hux came home that night preoccupied. He knew he had to do something, but so far he couldn’t come up with anything.

It was just bad timing. He probably wouldn’t have reacted like that had it been any other night. All he wanted to do was eat dinner and spend time with Kylo. He wasn’t even really in the mood to fuck him; he just wanted to hold him close, stroke his hair a bit. Something nice. Easy. The evening wasn’t destined to go that way, though.

Hux knew it was going to go badly when he walked in the front door and Kylo wasn’t waiting for him in the foyer or kitchen. The oven was on, table set, and something softly simmering on the stovetop, but no Kylo. Hux’s heart clenched.

“Kylo!” He roared, pounding up the steps when he heard footsteps upstairs. When he reached the head of the stairs, he saw Kylo emerging from his office. His supposedly _locked_ office. Hux saw red, striding forward, seizing Kylo’s wrists and shoving him into the wall. Kylo flinched and gasped in surprise, eyes widening in shock.

Hux leaned in close so he was hissing directly in Kylo’s face. Kylo lowered his eyes, petrified at Hux’s inexplicable mood. “I. Have had. The most unimaginable day today. So you. Had better have. A damn good reason for going into my office without permission.”

Kylo chose a very bad time to be lost for words. “I- I- Hux, it was- i-i-i-it was _unlocked_, I didn’t think, I-”

Hux tightened his bruising grip on Kylo’s wrists until he winced. Hux was blackly gratified at the sight. “You didn’t think, well, clearly, Kylo, you did not. I can see that. I just need you to tell me why you decided tonight was a great night to break the rules. Unless... Unless this isn’t the first time. Have you been doing this for long? _Hmm_?”

Kylo wilted in the face of Hux’s boiling rage. “_No_! Hux, no. I wouldn’t, I just – I knew that you haven’t had a lot of time to clean it lately, and, and I thought it would be nice… if you came back and it was… clean…”

Somewhere back in the pounding fury in his head, Hux could recognize that this was probably the truth. However, he couldn’t put aside the instinctual revulsion he was feeling against losing Kylo. He had to learn a lesson tonight. If he didn’t know who he belonged to, Hux would show him.

Hux spun Kylo around, trapping his wrists behind his back, and began marching him towards the stairs. “I have told you time and time again that your job is to listen to what I say, not think for yourself. Have you ever done anything of your own volition that didn’t get you in trouble? You picked a bad night to test my patience.”

Kylo stuttered nervously, trying to get out a clean sentence. He’d gone rigid with fear by now. He realized that he’d overstepped. He didn’t have long to calm Hux down before the situation got out of control. “I was, I was, I was _trying_ to do something nice for you, I swear, I _swear_, Hux, please, I-”

Hux stopped at the head of the stairs. “_Well_? I don’t want excuses, I want an answer. Do you think for yourself?” He shook Kylo like a ragdoll, causing him to stumble and fall down one step. Hux was still holding his wrists tightly, so he yanked his arms up and back. He yelped in pain and struggled back to his feet.

Kylo was trying to turn and look at Hux, but the angle was all wrong. “No, but I just-”

Hux shoved him down by the neck while still holding his wrists so he was bent double, thus in a precarious position over the stairs. If Hux let go, he’d fall. “This isn’t a riddle, Kylo. This is a yes or no question. Do you think for yourself?”

Kylo was trembling, a rabbit caught in a snare. “No.” He bit out, vertigo setting in.

“Who thinks for you?” Hux sneered.

“You.” Kylo said, voice low.

“Who makes all your decisions for you?” Hux asked.

“You.” No hesitation this time.

“Who decides when and where you sleep? Or how much you eat? Or what you do with your time? Or whether you’re of more use warming my bed or locked up in a cage?” Hux said, punctuating each question with a little shake. Every little flinch or gasp he got from Kylo drilled into his head like a nail.

“You do.” Kylo’s voice was resigned, choked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Do you get a say in any of it?”

“No.”

Hux held him there for the next few seconds to let the message sink in. “That’s what I thought.” He said, letting Kylo go.

Kylo gasped and fell, twisting around in surprise. He slid halfway down the stairs, banging an elbow into the wall on the way. He sat up, nursing his elbow and looking shaken. His shirt had ridden up, exposing his waist. Hux was sure there would be bruises showing up later on.

Hux began walking down the stairs, watching Kylo shrink back from him as he passed. He snapped twice. “Follow.” He said imperiously, not looking back to see if Kylo listened. He knew he would.

Kylo scrambled to his feet, following after Hux, limping quite heavily. He was favoring the ankle that had been broken. This always happened whenever Hux was especially angry.

They entered the kitchen, and Hux ordered Kylo to serve up dinner. Kylo did, hands trembling. He kept shooting wary glances over at Hux, trying to do everything right.

Hux waited until Kylo had put the plates on the table before picking up what would ostensibly be Kylo’s. Without warning, he threw it at the ground by Kylo’s bare feet, smashing it into a hundred pieces with a crash. Kylo yelped and scrambled back to get away from the shards, pressing back against the counter.

“I don’t think we’ll be needing the second plate tonight.” Hux said.

Kylo stared down at the broken plate, eyes wide and face pale. He seemed to have sussed out Hux’s mood. He was dangerous tonight, unpredictable.

Hux sat down heavily and started digging in. “Hall closet. Bring me three chains. Two short ones, and the thin one for your nose.” He ordered without even looking at Kylo.

Kylo blinked back tears, face flushing before leaving the room without comment. He came back carrying the requested restraints. He laid them on the table next to Hux, avoiding eye contact. Hux had found that he liked making Kylo fetch the restraints sometimes. It helped hammer the message home.

Hux pulled Kylo’s shirt roughly over his head before spinning him around. He attached the two short chains from the rings in the back of Kylo’s harness to his wrist cuffs, leaving his hands tied behind his back. He’d found he liked doing it this way better than tying his hands in the traditional manner, because this way it left Kylo less range of movement, leaving his chest a little more exposed. Kylo loved to hide from him, but this didn’t let him.

Then, Hux led Kylo by the collar out the back door. Kylo immediately began trembling when they left the house. He’d been thoroughly trained out of liking the outdoors. It never meant anything good. Hux led him around the house to a ring bolted into the wall. He threaded the chain from the wall to Kylo’s nose ring, only leaving him about two inches of leeway. The chain was thin, but it didn’t have to be very heavy-duty when it was connected to the tender skin of Kylo’s nose. Kylo was left kneeling on the hard ground, face pointed into the wall like a misbehaving child.

Hux left him there without a word. It was crueler that way. He finished his dinner in peace and quiet. It would have been nicer to eat it with Kylo, but he needed time to think. He thought about Jack in custody, spilling his guts to Leia about her son and Hux’s entire operation. Hux’s fist clenched around his glass, the edge digging into his hand.

Hux made a quick phone call to Phasma, telling her to get out, and asking her to do a few things for him. He had, at most, two weeks to decide what to do. When he hung up the phone, he looked across at his empty kitchen. This was what he was looking forward to when they took Kylo from him. An empty kitchen. An empty house. The thought horrified him. He’d gotten used to having Kylo around, he _loved_ Kylo. The idea that they could take him back, undo all his hard work, make him _Not Hux’s_, was too horrible to bear.

A blind fury brewing inside him, Hux went into the garage and prepared a few things before pouring himself a whiskey. His head was buzzing faintly, but it helped damp down the parade of unwelcome thoughts going through his mind. He downed a second before going out to get Kylo. Kylo turned his head as much as he could, looking at Hux out of the corner of his eye. Every inch of his body language was saying _I’m sorry, how can I make this better?_

Hux leaned down and unhooked the thin chain from the wall. He pulled up and Kylo got to his feet, being pulled by his nose ring. His eyes watered at the sudden pain, but he kept his mouth shut. He knew begging wouldn’t do a thing to sway Hux.

Hux pulled him through the house, Kylo stumbling after him, slightly off-balance because of his arms. They went down the hallway past the main staircase to the garage. At the moment, the car was parked outside, which left plenty of room. The garage door was opened halfway to let in some fresh air.

The grill was going in the corner, sending out a dull heat. Kylo flicked his eyes nervously over to it. He looked at all the possible places Hux could tie him to; the hook hanging from the ceiling, the worktable in the corner, the ring embedded in the wall. Hux didn’t do any of those things. He pulled Kylo to the center of the room and removed the three chains. Kylo dropped his arms and looked at him in confusion.

Hux stood in front of Kylo and leaned in for a kiss. Kylo closed the distance without hesitance, opening his mouth wide to let Hux in. He stepped closer and slotted himself in between Hux’s legs, pressing their chests together. He kept his arms at his sides so that Hux could set the pace. Hux pulled back a bit. Kylo extended his tongue a bit so Hux could tug on the stud with his teeth. He knew Hux liked that.

Hux stepped back. He was overtaken by affection for a moment. He’d hurt Kylo a few minutes ago, tied him up and not allowed him to eat dinner. Even yet, he was so responsive and considerate of Hux’s needs. He really was perfect.

“Do you love me?” Hux asked him. They’d said it before, but this time felt important, charged.

“Yes. Of course I love you.” Kylo said, eyes bright and sincere. Anyone else would have been put off by the not-quite lucid, half-fanatical look in his eyes, like he’d been drugged or hypnotized. But not Hux. He loved it. He loved _him_.

“Good. Then I want you to prove it. I’m not going to tie you down this time. You’re going to stay absolutely still until I’m done. Got it?” Hux said sternly.

Kylo’s eyes flicked over to the grill again, but he nodded, face open and trusting. God, he really was beautiful.

Hux left him in the middle of the garage, walking over to the grill. Red-hot heat baked off it when he got too close. Hux picked up the brand he’d had made a while ago. He hadn’t really known if he was going to use it or not, but recent events had made him desperate. He had no doubt Kylo knew who he belonged to, but he needed to ensure everyone else knew too. He held it carefully by the rubber handle and inserted it into the coals, waiting until it heated up enough. Kylo saw all of this, but to his credit, he didn’t move. His eyes were wide and dark as he watched Hux get ready to brand him, but he didn’t try to bolt, he didn’t protest, he didn’t cry. He waited nervously for his owner to do with him as he will.

When it was blazing with red-hot fire, Hux pulled the metal brand out of the coals. It hissed and steamed in the cool air. It was simple, no frills. Hux thought the more ornate a design got, the more garish. It was one singular letter: H.

He turned around wielding the brand. Kylo stared at it with sick fascination. His throat bobbed against his collar as he swallowed. His pupils were tiny pinpricks. He knew how much this was going to hurt, but he didn’t move a muscle.

Hux paced around him as if assessing the best place on Kylo’s body to mark, as if he didn’t already have it planned out. He stopped behind Kylo. Kylo stared straight ahead, trembling slightly.

There was a place in the center of his back right between his shoulder blades that Hux had picked out. It was a few inches below the collar but just above the back of his harness. Hux wouldn’t have to remove any of his restraints to do this.

“Take a deep breath, okay?” Hux said, voice soft and kind.

Kylo sucked in a deep breath before Hux moved. Hux lowered the burning brand onto the skin of Kylo’s back. There was a hissing sound and the smell of burnt flesh. Kylo rocked forward on his heels and barked out a hoarse scream. Hux held it there for a few seconds, just enough to ensure it would last. Kylo didn’t move from his place, although his hands were clenched into trembling fists.

Hux removed the brand, and Kylo nearly collapsed in relief. Hux’s initial was now branded into Kylo’s skin. There was nothing that could be done to remove it. No matter what happened, he would be bonded to Hux forever.

Hux walked back around to the grill. Kylo watched him, sweaty hair hanging in his face. He clearly expected this to be over, and he visibly stiffened when he saw Hux put the brand back into the fire to heat it up again. Tears rose to his eyes and fell down his cheeks, although he still didn’t move. He waited, because Hux had told him to. Because Hux owned him.

While the brand heated up, Hux watched him. Kylo was a trembling, gasping mess, wide eyes seeking out Hux’s for some kind of comfort. They locked eyes, Hux’s dry and determined, Kylo’s twitching and desperate. Hux felt a rising of emotion. He’d never met anyone quite like Kylo. He’d managed to take Kylo apart, mark and claim every part of him until no part of him was unchanged. This was proof. He wished wildly that nothing had to change, that he and Kylo could stay together forever.

Hux pulled the brand out of the fire again. Kylo’s head dipped and he sobbed, knowing what was coming. He would have collapsed to the floor if Hux had allowed it.

“Eyes up, sweetheart.” Hux ordered softly. “Back straight.”

Kylo lifted his head and swallowed nervously. His lips trembled with suppressed emotion.

Hux stepped forward and Kylo stiffened in anticipation. Hux didn’t brand him right away. He took a moment to really appreciate the moment. This amount of control over another person was intoxicating. There was nothing stopping Kylo from bolting except for Hux’s word. It was clear from every trembling line in his body that that was all he wanted to do, but he stayed. Hux owned him body and soul.

“Do you know why I’m doing this, Kylo?” Hux asked.

Kylo’s watery eyes met his, and in them, Hux saw what he most wanted: complete surrender. “Because I’m yours.” He answered promptly.

“That’s right. And I never want you to forget it.” Hux said.

“I don’t know how I could,” Kylo said miserably.

Hux stepped forward and lowered the brand again, this time on Kylo’s chest, directly over his heart. Flesh hissed and burned. Kylo pressed his lips together and bore up as well as he could.

When that was done, Hux returned the brand to the worktable and set to work tamping the coals down. It wasn’t needed any longer.

He turned back around and considered. Hux’s initial burned into Kylo’s skin was an angry red. Hux felt a satisfied thrill knowing it would be there forever. No matter what happened, even if they managed to take Kylo from him, he would always be marked. At the thought, Hux couldn’t help but feel better.

Hux tipped his chin up and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. “You did so good. I’m very pleased, Kylo.”

As always, Kylo softened into Hux’s praise, falling forward so his head rested against Hux’s chest. He was still trembling all over from the pain of the burns. “I’m sorry I made you angry.”

Hux carded his fingers through Kylo’s hair. “Let’s get you cleaned up. How does that sound?”

Kylo nodded and let Hux lead him back into the house. He was very kind, sweet even for the rest of the night. Kylo had more than proven himself, and Hux almost felt badly about how he’d overreacted. The branding was necessary, but he should have known that Kylo wouldn’t have disobeyed him. Not now.

* * *

On the last day of normalcy, Kylo awoke in bed alone. He slowly drifted back to consciousness, light filtering in from outside. He knew something was off right away, because he’d become so attuned to Hux’s presence. Out of necessity, all his attention and being was focused on him, so when something was off he noticed immediately. Hux was gone. Kylo rolled over in bed to see Hux’s half of the bed empty.

The next thing he noticed was that he wasn’t tied down. This was unusual. Hux liked being the one to wake first, to free him from his restraints after he’d gotten ready for the day. He liked making Kylo wait.

Last night had been strange. Hux had come home filled with some unknown emotion Kylo couldn’t figure out. He seemed maudlin, sad even. He drank wine and watched Kylo prepare dinner, his intense gaze somewhat unsettling. He didn’t seem angry, though. In fact, he just seemed desperate. After dinner, instead of going into the living room to read, Hux took Kylo upstairs and they had sex a few times. It was slow and urgent and _gentle_. That was the strange part. Hux kissed him a lot, mapping his body with his fingers and tongue. Usually, Hux was a lot more forceful in bed, but not tonight. Kylo lay on his back watching Hux’s face as he pressed into him. Desperate sadness filled his face, and he looked down at Kylo with love in his eyes. He even looked like he might be on the verge of tears. This shocked Kylo. He had seen a lot from Hux, but he had always been cool and in control. This Hux was different. Kylo didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just tried to be as pliable and submissive as possible. He wanted to make Hux feel better. He was here to make himself available for Hux, his body was open to help Hux relax. Hux deserved to feel happy when he got home at the end of the day. Kylo wanted to give that to him. It was his sole purpose now.

Afterwards, they went to sleep. Kylo liked curling in on himself so that Hux could slot in around him, protective arms wrapped around him and hot breath rushing over his neck. He liked to snuggle, he liked how soft and tactile Hux became in sleep, when he pulled Kylo against his chest and nuzzled into his neck.

Now that Kylo was awake, he saw that Hux was gone. Kylo got up with a flash of guilt for doing something without permission. He would, of course, wait, but he couldn’t hear Hux anywhere near. He swung his legs over the bed. His stomach growled, and he grimaced. He would have to wait for Hux to make breakfast. He couldn’t eat without Hux. And if he didn’t show himself this morning, Kylo would have to wait. He had laundry to do anyway.

He determined to do it right this time. Last time, he had started the wash, and couldn’t stop looking at one of his (really one of Hux’s, he didn’t have anything that was _his_ really) shirts that had blood on it. His blood. He started the machine and watched the clothes go round and round. The traitorous thought crossed his mind that it was a little unfair that even after all this time, even after he acquiesced to Hux’s every whim, he was still hurt enough to bleed. The greater part of his mind shrank back from this idea, and he flinched a little, paranoid that Hux would somehow know what he was thinking. These little unwanted ideas were coming less and less often, but every once in a while, they showed their face. Kylo pushed the idea out of his head and decided to focus solely on the laundry. Nothing else. He blinked and then the load was over. He frowned, thought something had gone wrong. But the clothes were clean and sopping wet, so the machine must have gone through the entire washing cycle. He had just… missed it.

This morning, Kylo waited patiently with his hands on his knees for Hux to come in and tell him what to do. After ten minutes, he thought that maybe he wasn’t coming. He knew how much Hux hated when he did anything without express orders, but… he _had_ untied him. Kylo had to weigh up how likely Hux would be angry if he got out of bed without permission or if he didn’t do his chores. Kylo decided it would be better for him to do his chores. He got up.

He brushed his teeth, avoiding his own eyes in the mirror as usual. This left his eyes hovering over the brand over his heart. It had nearly healed by now, and permanent scar tissue marked Hux’s initials on his skin. Kylo reached back and felt the scar on his back too. He didn’t know how he felt about it. He knew Hux liked it, and he did like the idea of belonging to Hux. It made him feel safe. But, it kind of hurt his feelings that Hux thought he would forget or something. Kylo thought he had more than proven his loyalty by now.

Kylo padded down the stairs and heard voices. One of them was Hux’s, but he didn’t recognize the other. He frowned, coming the rest of the way down and walking into the living where the voices were coming from.

Hux stood talking with what turned out to be Phasma. Hux was agitated, waving his hand about and squaring his shoulders. They both glanced over at Kylo when he hesitantly entered the room and then turned back to their conversation like he was of no consequence.

“I’m telling you, I think this is a bone-headed plan. Digging in like this is the wrong move. You should get the hell out of Dodge while you still can.” Phasma said, tone hostile.

Hux paced back and forth, straightening his hair. “Phasma, I have handled worse. I will handle worse. This is nothing more than a… brief hiccup in the plan.”

Phasma raised her eyebrows skeptically. “Look, boss, sorry to say, but you aren’t equipped to take on,” her eyes flickered briefly over to Kylo, “Leia Organa and the entire Resistance on your own. We need to retreat, regroup, think of a better plan. Temper our expectations, maybe.”

Kylo stiffened in surprise. _Leia_? What did any of this have to do with her? Hearing his mother’s name was like hearing something from a previous life. It didn’t have anything to do with him any longer.

Hux whipped around and bared his teeth at her. Kylo could feel himself getting a little nervous even though the anger wasn’t directed at him. “I. Won’t. Temper. _Anything_. They are all just a bunch of scruffy, _amateur_-”

Phasma interrupted him. Kylo boggled at someone flouting Hux’s authority so casually. Didn’t she know how dangerous that was? “Sure, they’re a bunch of amateurs that did that to you.”

She indicated where Hux had been shot. He was mostly healed, but still carried himself a little gingerly. Hux growled and advanced on her. Kylo hunched down a little where he stood like Hux was doing it to him. “Look, Phasma, you are a hired gun. You work for me, and you’ll do whatever I tell you.”

Phasma looked remarkably unintimidated. “Hux, I am your best lieutenant. I am the only thing standing between you and oblivion. Plus, I’m doing you a massive favor, so how about you back down a little on the power trip?”

Kylo felt a little light-headed. He waited for Hux to get icy-cold like he did when Kylo knew he was really in trouble. You couldn’t just _talk back_ to Hux like that. He wouldn’t stand for it.

Hux glared at Phasma for a few seconds before backing off. Kylo couldn’t believe it. “You’re right. I apologize. You’re more than just my best lieutenant, I’m just… on edge.”

Phasma nodded noncommittally. If anything, she kind of looked bored.

Kylo decided he had probably eavesdropped enough on this conversation. He had work to do. He started backing up, intending on going to the laundry room. Without even looking at him, Hux snapped imperiously and pointed at the ground. “_Kylo, stay_.” He bit out.

Kylo froze where he stood, silent and wide-eyed. He wondered if Hux had wanted him to kneel or not or just stand here. He decided he’d better not tempt fate, and got down on his knees, fingers wringing nervously in his lap. He didn’t like where this conversation was going, but he had no choice but to wait. Hearing about things that were going on outside of their little house gave him a panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Hux wasn’t looking at him, but Phasma was finally paying him a little attention. She watched him get down on the ground with just an order, her eyebrows raised. “_Huh_. You’ve really got him well-trained.”

Hux nodded distractedly. “Yes. Look, we don’t have a lot of time. Do you have everything you need?”

Phasma turned back to Hux. “Don’t you worry about me. Are you sure about this, boss?”

Hux’s face hardened. “I’m not going to let them walk all over me. They’ve insulted me, and they will pay the price.”

Phasma sighed. “Alright. Good luck.”

Hux nodded. “Alright, now that that’s settled. Where are you going to take him? There aren’t very many safe places left.”

Kylo wondered vaguely who _him_ was. He mostly just wanted Phasma to leave so he could make some breakfast for Hux, get him to calm down a little. Maybe Hux would feel better if he could fuck him. Once, Hux had held his wrists in one hand, bent him over the kitchen table and fucked him after breakfast. That had been interesting. Maybe it would make Hux feel better to do that this morning.

Phasma glanced down at Kylo. “I’ve got a few places we can go. If we keep moving, we’ll be fine. Might hole up for a bit with Snoke.” At Hux’s look of disgust, she nodded. “Yeah, I know. I don’t like the guy much either, but the paranoid bastard has a place nobody else knows about. He had it set up years ago. Nobody will find the boy there. No matter what happens.”

Kylo looked up at Phasma, feeling a little nervous for some reason. _The boy_?

Hux nodded. “Well, I trust your judgement. Just keep him safe until the heat dies down a little. If all goes well, I’ll join you. If they manage to capture me, well, they won’t hold me for long. I promise you that.”

Kylo felt a burst of fear. Capture him? Capture _Hux_? Who would? What was he talking about? He opened his mouth, wanting to ask, but his conditioning was too strong. He shouldn’t speak out of turn. He stayed silent.

Phasma nodded. She walked over to Kylo and nudged him with her boot until he looked up at her. He cast his eyes desperately at Hux. “Well, he seems pretty well-behaved, I’ll give you that much. Looks like you had to work him over to get him that way, though. Some of those scars are pretty gnarly.”

Hux walked over so the two of them were standing over the kneeling Kylo. “It was a definitely a long process. I really think he turned out so well, though. Look how sweet he is now. He does whatever I say.”

Kylo bit his lip and stared at Hux. His heart was beating fast. This was weird, he didn’t like this. He didn’t like Hux talking about him over his head like he was an object.

Phasma looked back at Hux. The two of them towered over Kylo. “Well, I’ll take good care of him for you. I do have one question, though. If they do capture you, and they offer a trade, you for him…”

Hux’s expression turned stony. “Absolutely not. He no longer belongs to them. He’s _mine_. Just trust that I’ll find a way out. No matter what happens.”

Kylo barely heard this. It felt like air was rushing past his ears. What was going on? Phasma was talking about… taking him? Someone he barely knew? Why? And Hux was going to _let_ her? He involuntarily let out a whimper at the thought. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He wanted to stay here with Hux, where he was safe and happy.

Hux and Phasma heard the sound. They looked down at him, Phasma’s expression cold but Hux’s soft. He leaned forward and tipped Kylo’s chin up with two fingers. “Hey, sweetheart. I know this is strange. I… have some work I need to do. My friend Phasma is going to take care of you for me. Once I’m done, I’ll come back for you. That’s a promise. Okay? I want you to be good, listen to everything she says, just like it was me.”

Kylo felt icy panic racing across his skin. Be separated from Hux? No. No. He couldn’t bear it. Hux was his whole world. He didn’t want to do this. He shook his head softly, eyes full of fear. He grasped at Hux’s pant legs.

Hux hunkered down, his expression soft. “Kylo… You don’t know how much this hurts me to have to do. You can speak, if you want.”

Kylo’s voice returned to him like Hux had unlocked it. “Hux… I don’t want to leave you… please. I want to stay here with you.”

Hux stroked his cheek. “I know you do, honey, but it’s just not safe. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

What might have been a scoff came from Phasma’s direction, but she walked a few paces away to give them a little privacy, so Kylo couldn’t be sure.

Tears rose to Kylo’s eyes, and he wiped them away with a hand. “But… but I don’t _understand_. Why?”

Hux’s expression turned stern. “You don’t need to know why, Kylo. Because I say so, that’s why. Because I decide what’s best for you.”

Kylo quailed a little at the reprimand. “Okay…” He said miserably. “For how long?”

Hux sighed. “I hope not for long. You can count on the fact that I’ll get this done as fast as I can, so I can get back to you.”

Kylo leaned forward and rested his head in Hux’s lap. The idea was abhorrent to him, he just wanted a little comfort. Hux kneaded his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

Hux pulled back, and Kylo sat back up. “Okay. Now, I’m going to need you to promise me a few things. First, Phasma is in charge of you. You do everything she says, without question. You mind her, just like you mind me. Understand?”

“Yes, Hux.” Kylo nodded. He glanced over at Phasma, who was watching this entire exchange with an amused, casually cruel expression on her face. He didn’t like the idea of going with Phasma, but if it was what Hux wanted, he’d do it. He had no choice.

“Good. Second, I want you on your best behavior. That means no arguing with her and no back talk. You’ll be outside, which I know is going to be strange, but house rules still apply. No running away. I want you in Phasma’s sightline at all times, got it? If you see her phone or keys, leave them alone. If you meet another person, you don’t talk to them, you don’t look at them. The only person you’re allowed to speak to is Phasma. Her word is law. Understood?” Hux said.

“Yes, I understand.” Kylo said.

“Promise?”

“I promise, Hux. I’ll be good.” Kylo meant every word. The idea of being separated from Hux was terrifying, but he could do it. Because Hux wanted it.

Hux took his hands. “Okay, good. Then I’ll make _you_ a promise. I’m coming back for you. I will not abandon you; I will not leave you forever. Do you believe me?”

“Of course.” Kylo answered. And he did. The idea that events were out of Hux’s hands, that something would happen to him that he didn’t want was unthinkable. Hux would return to him.

Hux stroked his face again, running his finger from the top of his collar to tug on his nose ring. “I love you, Kylo.”

Kylo looked up at Hux. “I love you, too.”

Hux cupped his jaw and leaned in for a kiss. It was slow, deep. Kylo’s eyes slid closed. Hux seemed to be taking the opportunity to claim every inch of Kylo’s mouth. He charted the soft parts of his mouth with his tongue, lingering over Kylo’s tongue piercing. Kylo opened his mouth to let him in. The kiss went on for so long it was almost as if they were exchanging breaths. Kylo felt a little dizzy. Then, Hux bit his lip hard enough to draw a drop of blood and pulled away. Kylo opened his eyes. Hux was looking at him with an intensity that would have scared him a few months ago. It was the gaze of a predator with his jaws wrapped around his prey.

With that, Hux stood up and turned back to Phasma, all business again. “Well, I guess this is goodbye for now.”

He reached out a hand and Phasma took it. They shook hands briskly.

Hux put up a finger. “Oh, before you go. I prepared a bag for you. Just some things you might need. I want to make your life as easy as possible.”

He disappeared into the other room for a moment. Phasma spent those seconds looking in consideration down at Kylo, who was still kneeling on the ground. Her expression was cool and calculating. It made Kylo a little nervous. He was changing masters. With Hux, he knew exactly what to expect. Phasma was an unknown quantity.

Hux came back in carrying a duffel bag. It looked heavy. He heaved it up onto the couch for Phasma to peruse. She came over and unzipped it, examining the contents. Her eyebrows rose and she laughed a little. “Jesus, Hux. You’re a lot more, uh, sadistic, than I think people realize. Although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised looking at all of _that_.”

She waved an absent hand at Kylo. He became very aware of the collar, the brands, the piercings, the harness, and cuffs. He flushed red. It didn’t bother him when it was just Hux, but the way Phasma pointed it out made him feel small. He didn’t like being talked over like he wasn’t even there.

Hux shrugged. “Feel free to use all of it or none of it. Just thought I should give you the option. He’s very well-behaved, but this is going to be a new environment. Sometimes he needs a firmer hand. This is just in case he decides to act up.”

Phasma zipped the bag and hefted it on her shoulder. “Got it. Thanks.”

Hux and Phasma headed to the door. Phasma inclined her head at Kylo. “Well? Let’s get going.”

Kylo clambered to his feet and followed Hux and Phasma out to the front entryway. All he was wearing was a pair of sweatpants. Hux gave him a shirt and hoodie to wear. No shoes. He hadn’t worn shoes the entire time he’d been here. Kylo thought it would be strange to not be barefoot anymore.

Kylo’s head spun a little bit. He’d woken up thinking it was just another day, but now he was being taken from his home, separated from Hux for who knew how long. He kept sneaking glances at Hux, secretly hoping he’d change his mind and tell him to stay, but Hux was focusing all his attention on Phasma, going over last-minute details with her. Kylo wasn’t even paying attention. He felt sick.

Finally, it was time to go. Phasma held the door open, and Kylo got that sick, uneasy feeling he did whenever the idea of going outside appeared. He had his arms wrapped around his waist in a defensive gesture. “See you soon, boss. Hope it all goes well.”

Hux nodded, shoulders squared. “Likewise, Phasma. Thank you again.”

Phasma walked outside. The expectation was clear that Kylo would follow her. He hesitated on the threshold, torn between her and Hux. He didn’t want to leave.

“Remember what I said, Kylo. Now go on.” Hux said. His impersonal attitude was back, and he gestured for Kylo to follow Phasma. With a final look of regret, Kylo obeyed. Hux closed the door behind him.

Almost immediately, panic swamped him as a result of being outside. Hux’s house meant security, safety, routine. The outdoors was an unknown he wasn’t used to anymore. The only reason he wasn’t having a full-blown panic attack was because he’d been ordered to leave the house. There was no way he would have been able to do it otherwise.

Kylo trailed uncertainly towards Phasma, who was loading the bag into the trunk of her black SUV. He felt strange being outside, the grass rustling between his bare toes, even stranger not being with Hux.

Phasma closed the back. She was holding something in her hand. She turned to look at Kylo. She arced an eyebrow imperiously. “C’mere.” She ordered.

Kylo wasn’t going to test her resolve so early. He walked forward until he was in front of her, eyes firmly trained on her feet. She towered over him.

“Hands.” She snapped. He held his hands out. This felt weird, so weird. He wasn’t supposed to be following orders from anyone but Hux.

She grabbed his left wrist and pushed his fingers into a fist. She then strapped his hand into a mitt that kept his hand closed and useless. It fastened around his wrist cuff. She then did the other hand. He wouldn’t be able to use his hands for anything, even if he had wanted to.

“There. I don’t know if I trust that you’re as well-heeled as Hux says, but I ain’t taking any chances until I know. Get in the car.” Phasma said harshly.

She opened the passenger-side door for him, and he clambered up, having to use his forearms to get enough leverage to get up. There was a handle, but he couldn’t grab it. Once he was seated, Phasma reached over and fastened his seat belt for him and then locked it so the belt didn’t spool out any. It was as effective as tying him down. With his hands restrained like they were, he was completely unable to press the release button, or even open the car door. Kylo stayed silent through all of this, miserable.

Phasma walked around and got in the driver’s side. She started up the car. Kylo stared at her mutely, expecting some sort of a speech or something, but she just turned around and headed out towards the road. Kylo turned around and looked at Hux’s house disappearing behind them. He almost started crying. He didn’t know when, if ever, he was going to see his home again.

They drove in silence for about forty-five minutes. Kylo leaned his head against the window and watched the scenery go by. It was very strange being out of the house. Hux’s house had been his entire world for so long, and now the rest of the world looked strange. It seemed big and wild, and kind of frightening. He found himself curiously grateful that Phasma was here, like she would be protecting him.

They stopped for gas at a self-service pump. There weren’t any other people around. Phasma got back in the car and didn’t drive for a moment. She looked at Kylo curiously.

“You’re quiet.” She noted.

He looked over at her, shrugged. _Don’t you want me to be_?

“Can you talk?” She asked.

“Yes, I can talk.” He answered in annoyance. He knew the tone was unwise, but he couldn’t help it. He knew Hux wanted him to obey her, but he didn’t know her at all. It didn’t feel right.

“Yes, ma’am.” She corrected him, one eyebrow quirked. This was a test.

“Yes, ma’am.” Kylo said resentfully.

She had a half-smile on her face, and not a kind one. “If I tell you to bark or roll over, will you? We could play fetch if you’d like.”

Ashamed anger rose in Kylo. His cheeks flamed red in embarrassment. The worst part was, he probably would. If she ordered it, he had no choice but to obey. “You’re not Hux,” He protested weakly.

“Well, I’m your owner in absentia. And you’ll do what I say, or you’ll regret it. And I won’t be nearly as nice as Hux.”

Kylo fumed. Confused impulses swirled through him. On the one hand, everything that he’d gone through in the past months was telling him to back down, listen to orders. On the other hand, she wasn’t Hux. He felt lost, abandoned, a little angry. He knew these emotions were dangerous, but he couldn’t help it. He took a deep breath and said what he had to. He knew she was testing him, pissing him off to get a reaction. “Yes, ma’am.”

Phasma nodded like she’d gotten what she’d wanted. She ruffled his hair. “Good boy.”

They drove on.

They went almost the entire day without stopping. After a while, it became almost boring. The rural fields they drove past gave way to industrial areas, small towns. They started passing other cars, people walking their dogs on the sidewalk, billboards, signs of life. Kylo stared at all of it in slight shock. Everything was so _loud_, so busy. He wasn’t a part of this world any longer. While they were slowing down for a light, a red sports car next to them blew through the light, almost hitting a pick-up truck coming from the other direction. Tires squealed, and the truck driver hit his horn and leaned out the window to scream at the other driver as he sped past. Kylo flinched at the sudden sound, staring at the strange ritual. Phasma looked over at him but didn’t say anything.

Once, Phasma caught sight of a police cruiser parked by the side of the road, targeting speeders. Without taking her eyes off the road, she reached over and unclipped Kylo’s seatbelt. “Down. Now.” She snapped.

Kylo shimmied down in his seat and knelt down in the wheel well. He studied Phasma’s face. She clocked the police officer, making sure she went five miles under the speed limit. She waited another couple miles before she let Kylo back into his seat.

She didn’t even listen to music, so there wasn’t much to focus on. Kylo fell asleep for a while, but when he awoke again, the sun was still high in the sky and Phasma didn’t look like she was anywhere near ready to stop. Kylo was thirsty. He hadn’t gotten a chance to eat or drink anything today. Phasma had a water bottle sitting in the center cup holder that she drank from once in a while. Kylo kept hoping that she would offer him some, but she never did. He wondered if it was deliberate on her part, or if it honestly didn’t occur to her. He didn’t know. If Hux had done the same, he would have known that it was deliberate. Things like that didn’t slip from Hux’s mind.

With nothing else to do, Kylo thought about Hux. He wondered what he was doing right now. He wished he was home so he could take care of him. Was Hux eating alone in his kitchen, on the phone in his office? Maybe he had gone to town to take care of business. Kylo wished desperately that he was there to take care of him. He was worried about this thing he had to take care of. Hux had mentioned the possibility of being caught, and that terrified Kylo. He hoped he took care of whatever it was as fast as possible, so they could be back together. He thought about asking Phasma what Hux had to do, but figured she wouldn’t tell him. He would probably just get in trouble for speaking out of turn, so he stayed quiet. The thought of his mother and the Resistance didn’t even cross his mind. He hadn’t thought about her once after her name was mentioned.

That evening, after the sun went down, they stopped finally at a fast-food restaurant on the outskirts of some tiny hamlet. Phasma cruised through the parking lot, scoping the place out before taking the parking spot as far as possible from the restaurant. The nearest car was a hundred feet away, and they were on the far side from the entrance to the street.

She turned to Kylo with a serious look on her face. “All right. I’m going in to get us some food. Can I trust that you won’t do anything stupid?”

Kylo nodded in acquiescence, but she didn’t move. She wanted verbal confirmation. “I promise I won’t cause any trouble. Ma’am.”

Phasma nodded. She unhooked his seat belt, and then had him put his arms down at his sides before buckling it again and locking the belt release. He was tied into the seat, without the use of his arms. “Good. For the next couple minutes, the only thought I want in your head is three simple rules. Mouth closed. Stay still. If you see anyone come out of the restaurant, as far as you’re concerned, they don’t exist. Capiche?”

Kylo nodded, repeating them in his head. He could follow rules. He was good at that.

“Atta boy. Are you a Sprite or Coke guy?” She asked out of the blue.

He stared at her, not having any idea what she was asking for a moment. “Um. Coke, I guess.”

Phasma nodded, slammed the door and locked it, and walked toward the restaurant.

She was in there for about ten minutes. In that time, two couples and one family milled around in the parking lot. Kylo saw them and then lowered his eyes down. Pretend they didn’t exist. Got it. He stared at his bare feet. They were a little dirty from walking around, and they were getting cold. It was winter outside, and although they had heat in the car, the toes were always the first to get cold.

Phasma came back. She seemed a little suspicious that Kylo would have done something, but seemed gratified when she saw he’d followed her orders to a tee. She even relaxed a little, chatting while she ate her food. The greasy smell of fried food filled the car, and Kylo’s stomach growled. He was starving, but he waited patiently. She then fed him, holding out a double burger with the wrapper underneath to catch any spills. There were fries too, and their salty heat exploding on his tongue tasted so good. He hadn’t any shitty fast food like this for a long time. It tasted delicious. The Coke he sucked down tasted even better.

Phasma left the car briefly to throw away all their trash. She got back in. “You need to piss, or can you hold it for another hour?”

“I’m okay.” Kylo said. He hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“Good. I’ve got a place that we’ll get to tomorrow, but for tonight, we’ll have to settle for a motel.” She said.

They drove for another hour, and then they pulled into the lot of a shitty motel. Kylo waited in the car while Phasma went into the office to get them a room. She drove them over to the last room in the set. For now, the room next to theirs was empty.

She left him in the car while she carried her bags in and scoped out the room. She came back, looking around them for anyone watching. The nearest occupied room was five down, and the road behind them was dark. She opened his door and unhooked the seat belt. Kylo hopped down, wincing when his bare feet dug into the uneven gravel. She hooked a finger into the back ring of his collar and led him into the room, closing the curtains right away.

It was a small room. One bed, scratchy carpet on the floor, tiny attached bathroom. She came over and removed the restraints over his hands. She thumbed at the bathroom. “Go ahead. Go to the bathroom, wash your face if you need. They’ve got new toothbrushes in there.”

When he emerged from the bathroom, she was affixing something to the foot of the bed. She beckoned him over. Kylo’s heart sank. He had been assuming they would be sleeping in the bed. He didn’t particularly want to sleep next to this strange woman, but when the other option was the floor, he’d take the bed. It looked like he wasn’t going to get the choice.

Phasma held the muzzle, the one he hated. “I’ll be quiet. You don’t need it. You saw how quiet I was today.” He said, unused voice a little scratchy.

She even seemed a little sympathetic, but she wasn’t going to back down. “Sorry, kid. I think you’re probably right, but I can’t take the chance that you see someone walking past in the middle of the night and start screaming your head off before I can stop you. This is going on. Turn around.”

Kylo swallowed nervously and turned around. Phasma forced his jaw open and pushed the gag into his mouth, forcing his tongue to the bottom of his mouth. He bit down on the groove and grunted, while she pulled the rest of the leather muzzle over his face, affixing the straps at the back of his head and base of his neck. His throat was dry already.

After muzzling him, she chained his hands to the front of his collar and had him get down at the foot of the bed. She chained the back of his harness to one bedpost, and then clipped his two feet together, then strung a chain from his ankles to the other bedpost. He could shift around a little, but only move about a foot away from the bed. He tried to get comfortable on the floor while she walked around the room, getting ready for bed herself. She stepped out of the room to make a call.

She came back in and settled back in bed, smoking a cigarette and watching TV for a while. From Kylo’s angle on the floor, he couldn’t see it at all, so he lay there a little miserably. He could feel every shift and dip Phasma made in the bed. She watched what sounded like a sitcom for a while and laughed loudly at some of the jokes. Eventually, she stubbed out her cigarette and turned the TV off, rolling over in bed and falling asleep without another word.

Kylo lay on the floor chained to the foot of the bed like a dog, shivering a little from the cold. He curled in on himself as much as he could, wishing bitterly for a blanket. The carpet under him was scratchy, and he couldn’t find a decent position that wasn’t horribly uncomfortable. His chains were clinking together, and after a few minutes of this, Phasma snapped at him.

“Stay still unless you’d like me to get out some of the things Hux packed for me in that bag. I’m trying to get some sleep.”

Kylo stopped moving, cowed by her harsh tone. He settled with his hands pillowed under his head, and did his best to try and sleep, missing Hux’s steady presence at his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how much fun I had writing Phasma. I hope you're all okay with hanging out with her for a little bit! Hux has some business to take care of first..


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: More very, very dubious consent, as always.

The next morning, they left early. Phasma left Kylo tied up in the room while she left to get breakfast. She came back with breakfast burritos and coffee. She untethered Kylo from the bed, and they both sat across each other at the tiny table, scarfing down breakfast in silence. Kylo was scratchy and tired from sleeping on the floor, his jaw ached from the muzzle, and Phasma seemed short and irritable. He didn’t want to do anything to piss her off. Neither one wanted to do anything but eat in silence. It was almost companionable.

Phasma packed up and then wrapped up Kylo’s hands again, taking a peek outside before ushering him quickly into the SUV. She fastened the seat belt and locked the release again. She threw the bags in the back and checked out at the office.

When she got back, she rolled her eyes at Kylo before starting up the truck. “The desk clerk, some twenty-year-old twerp barely out of high school tried to hit on me. Asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks. Me. A six-three woman twice his age. As I was checking out of his motel. I swear, they make ‘em dumber every year.”

“Did you tell him you already had one guy tied up in your car and you didn’t have room for another?” Kylo asked.

She looked at him sharply before realizing he was kidding. She barked a laugh. “So you’re funny. That’s a surprise.”

She mostly ignored him after that, but Kylo knew he’d scored points. He’d been trying to figure her out. He knew his comfort in the coming days depended on how well he ingratiated himself to her. He took a chance, figured she’d be the kind of woman who liked deadpan humor. He’d been right. Hux had been pretty humorless, so he’d never tried that with him. Kylo had become very good at tailoring himself for someone else’s pleasure. It was an important survival skill, and he’d had plenty of practice.

Kylo stared out the window for most of the morning, thinking about Hux. He missed him so much it almost felt like a real ache, a hole in his chest. This morning was the first time in a long time that he hadn’t woken up in Hux’s bed. It felt wrong. He had become so used to order, routine, dependability. Hux was his anchor, and he’d been unmoored. He hoped he wouldn’t be with Phasma for too long.

They stopped for gas again, and forty-five minutes after that, Phasma pulled over to a desolate rest stop, checked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone else there. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” She asked.

“Yes, ma’am.” He answered. She untied him and steered him by the arm toward the bathroom stalls. She steered him carefully around broken glass and cans on the sidewalk. He was still barefoot. It still felt strange being outside barefoot. It felt strange being outside at all.

He didn’t balk until he saw Phasma was going to follow him in. “Um… Aren’t you going to stay out here?”

She gave him the stink eye. “I don’t think so, pal. I’m not that stupid.”

“But-”

She slapped him on the back of the head. “Unless you want to hold it for the rest of the day, I’d suggest shutting that cute little mouth of yours.”

Kylo clenched his jaw resentfully but stopped talking. She led him into the bathroom and over to one of the stalls. She leaned against the far wall and crossed her arms, clearly planning on keeping a very close eye on him. When Kylo tried to close the stall door, she raised an eyebrow. He stopped, knuckles white on the door. Annoyance roiled in him.

“What do you think I’m going to-” He stopped talking and took a deep breath, flattening his voice into an affectless tone. “Sorry.”

He turned around and stood looking up at the ceiling in an attempt to separate himself from this a little bit. He was flushed red in embarrassment. To his chagrin, nothing happened.

“Hey, I’m not doing this for fun, you know. I thought you said you had to go.” Phasma said from behind him, annoyed.

Kylo clenched his teeth. “I do. This is just so weird…”

“Well, you’ve got ten seconds. I’m not enjoying this any more than you are.” Phasma said.

Kylo closed his eyes. He managed to go at last, then pushed past Phasma on his way to the sink, face flushed red in shame. Phasma was stone-faced as she grabbed his arm again and lead him back out to the parking lot, tying him up again.

They drove on.

Kylo had fallen asleep, leaning his head against the window. He awoke to the sound of the engine turning off. It was dark. He couldn’t see where they were, but it was quiet. No lights, no people.

Phasma disappeared inside for a few minutes with the bags. Kylo briefly considered trying to open the car door so he could see. His fisted hand couldn’t flex an inch, so he gave up on that idea.

Eventually, Phasma came to get him. She led him by the arm into what turned out to be a small log cabin. She closed the door behind them and then let Kylo go.

She disappeared into the other room with the bags. She hadn’t told Kylo to do anything, so he hoped it was okay that he explore a little. Small kitchen, small living room with two couches facing a cozy fireplace. It was nice. Out of habit, he checked the door. She hadn’t even bothered locking it. She knew he couldn’t open it.

He heard Phasma’s voice coming from the other room, and he stepped closer, noticing that she was talking on the phone. He knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he had to know if it was Hux or not. He was dying to know how it was going.

Phasma was pacing back and forth in the other room. “Have you heard from him? He’s not answering his phone. Yes, Snoke, I know you’re in hiding, but I thought you might have heard… No. All I needed was a no… Yeah, didn’t need the speech, thanks. Anyway, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I might have to crash your place soon. Yes, I have my own hiding spots, but they’re nowhere near as secure as yours… Look, it’s not just about me, okay? If it was, I’d be happy living off the grid. You know I don’t need your help… But I’ve got the boss’s boy with me… Yes, Organa. He’s still alive. Although, to be honest, I don’t know how much of Organa is still in there… Hux sure was, uh, thorough… So, if you want to be the one to tell Hux that we lost his little pet because you were too stubborn to let us stay at your place, go right ahead… _Thank you_, alright. Yeah. Could be a week. Could be two. Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.”

Phasma didn’t say goodbye or anything, so Kylo was surprised when Phasma opened the bedroom door and walked out unexpectedly. He stumbled back.

She drew to a halt, her brows furrowed. “Were you listening to that?”

He knew he’d fucked up, and his heart started beating faster. “No, no, I just-”

She stopped him with a look. “Did Hux really teach you to be a liar?”

Kylo shook his head desperately.

Phasma cocked an eyebrow. “Then I want an explanation, and I want it now.”

Kylo’s mouth opened, and he floundered for words. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I… I thought you might be talking with Hux, and I just… I need to know he’s okay.”

Phasma stopped looking pissed off and instead looked sorry for him. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

Kylo nodded, confused by the question. “Of course I do.”

Phasma shook her head in disbelief. “Holy shit. He really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

Kylo didn’t know how to respond to that, so he thought it was better if he didn’t say anything.

Phasma indicated that he follow her into the bedroom again. Kylo walked into this significantly nicer bedroom. He wondered if Phasma was going to make him sleep at the foot of the bed again. At least this carpet didn’t look scratchy. She unwrapped his hands from their restraints and threw them into the open duffel bag near the bed.

Instead of having him sleep, Phasma sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him in consideration. “Take your shirt off.” She ordered casually.

Kylo complied, laying it on the dresser. He didn’t want to be messy. He assumed she wanted to look at the brands on his chest or the scars. He looked at her in silent question.

She had tipped her head down and she was still looking at him, but this time her eyes were darker, and it took him a few seconds to recognize the emotion. It was lust. He’d seen it in Hux’s eyes often enough. Kylo rocked back a step, a little nervous now. Somehow, the possibility that Phasma would want to take advantage of someone who was conditioned to do whatever she told him to do hadn’t crossed his mind. He felt so stupid for not thinking. He’d been so focused on missing Hux that he hadn’t even considered what Phasma would want. Not that it would have made much of a difference, he supposed.

Phasma sat with her arms straight behind her and her legs spread like a man’s. Total power pose. “Pants off.”

Kylo swallowed nervously and took them off, leaving him only in his underwear. His hands were shaking a little, but he knew better than to fight back.

Phasma looked him up and down, cataloguing every bruise and scar across his skin. “Well, it’s not really my thing, too much work training someone. But, I can definitely see the appeal.” She said, almost like she was talking to herself. Like Kylo wasn’t there.

Kylo stood uncomfortably while she took him in. He wanted to cross his arms in front of his chest, but he was sure she would just tell him to lower them.

“Well. I want to see what all the fuss is about. Come here.” She ordered, steel under her voice.

Kylo stepped forward on watery legs, heart in his throat. He should have known, he should have known, he should have known.

Phasma tipped his chin so he looked her in the eyes. “I want you to kiss me.” She said.

Kylo hesitated, looking for an out, the only one he was still allowed. “I don’t think Hux would really… want you to… He can be a little… possessive…”

She rolled her shoulders. “That’s true for anyone else, but I get special privileges as the second in command. He can’t seriously expect me to ignore the cute little submissive he has collared and leashed that he dropped in my lap. I’m only human, and _fuck_. I think I get it.”

She palmed herself through her pants and shuddered out a breath. It was clear she’d gotten herself started.

Kylo leaned in hesitantly, feeling like he was putting his head in the maw of a hungry tiger. Phasma watched him come with her eyes open. This felt so strange. He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and then leaned back.

Phasma looked at him, unimpressed. She hooked a finger into the ring at the front of his collar and pulled him in. He stiffened. “I’m going to need you to try a little harder than that.” She growled.

He kissed her again, mouth open a little wider, but he wasn’t used to taking the initiative. He didn’t know how to go about this. He didn’t know what she wanted. He could feel her not responding and started getting that panicky feeling whenever he knew he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to.

He stood up again, fists clenched in anxious energy. Phasma had a thin line in her forehead. Kylo started to get really nervous. This was the precursor to real anger. He’d better do something.

Kylo didn’t know what to do. He knew he was supposed to obey Phasma in Hux’s absence, and Hux hadn’t given him any limits on that behavior, but this still didn’t… feel right. He belonged to _Hux_. Phasma was holding his leash for the time being, but that didn’t make her him. Kylo felt a squirmy sensation in his stomach. He didn’t like this. He wanted Hux to tell him what to do, but Hux wasn’t here.

“I- I’m s-sorry, ma’am, I’ll try ha-harder, I don’t…” He trailed off, voice turning into a whisper. He was shaking. Phasma looked so much stronger than Hux did, she could hurt him so much more, especially since she didn’t care about him like Hux did. She would have no compulsion to stop.

Phasma sighed in annoyance. “I guess Hux didn’t have you doing most of the work, huh? Figures. He always was a bossy little fuck. Has to do _everything_ himself.”

Kylo had absolutely no clue how to respond to that, so he didn’t say anything.

Phasma saw his hesitation and pulled him closer so that he was standing in between her parted legs. He kept his arms at his sides obediently. She ran the pad of her finger down his lips. “You miss Hux, right?”

He nodded fervently.

“Well, how about you let me take care of you. You’re supposed to mind me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give you a little bit of what you need. Besides, I want to get _something_ out of this. I’m doing him a huge favor babysitting you. He owes me.” Phasma said. A suggestion, but not really. An offer to give comfort, but not really. It was just the same thing Hux had been pushing on him since the beginning: _Lie back. Shut up. Do what you’re told_. He’d had plenty of practice.

Before Kylo could even respond, she grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked his head back to expose his throat. Kylo yelped and his hands came halfway up to push her off before remembering himself. He lowered them again.

Phasma closed her legs around him, caging him in place. She surged up and bit his neck, just at the junction between the top of his collar and his jawbone. Kylo whimpered in sudden pain. He could feel her shudder pleasurably in response to him. Her legs tightened around him. He stood lax, let her do what she wanted.

Phasma let go of his hair, bringing up both of her hands to cup his face and pulled him down to meet her. She forced his mouth open with hers, her hot breath rushing in. She bit him again, bent on exploring every inch of him.

At first, Kylo hated it. She wasn’t Hux. Her face was broader than his, her teeth sharper, her body more muscular. He tried to be pliable for her because it was what he was supposed to do, but he didn’t like it.

But then she flipped their positions so Kylo found himself lying on his back on the bed, breathless. Phasma pressed over him with all her body weight, trapping his wrists above his head and surging down to bite his neck again. Kylo’s eyes fluttered and he groaned. She was strong and forceful, just like Hux was. That felt familiar, which felt good. Hux told him to obey Phasma. What she said, went. She said she was owed this, that it was for his own good, which meant it was okay. Okay. Okay. She made him feel claimed, owned, _safe_, like Hux did. It wasn’t exactly the same, of course it wasn’t, but he couldn’t help but think he needed this. She said he did, so didn’t that make it true? He’d felt so adrift the last two days, but this, _this_, being dominated like this, felt more like home.

Kylo’s head spun from the circles it was running to justify this, to make it okay.

Phasma’s free hand slipped down below her waistband, and she began to bring herself off while still biting his neck. She started babbling, much more vocal than Hux was. “_Fuck_, you’re just so… soft and… yeah, fuck… your eyes are so huge, they’re like a fucking doe or something… That nose ring is a real turn-on, I – I get it, I do… _Shit_!”

She let go of his wrists and sat up, flushed and breathing heavy. Kylo stayed where he was, looking up at her, a little bereft. He’d been starting to fall into that weird, floaty space he went sometimes when Hux was taking what he wanted. Being interrupted while he was halfway into that headspace was abrupt, strange. He blinked blankly, feeling strange, absent from himself. This felt good, familiar, this felt like Hux did. He wanted this reminder of Hux, even if Hux wasn’t here right now.

She stood up, clambering off the bed. “I have to stop now, or I’ll actually fuck you, and then I think Hux will literally dismember my body. He won’t mind if I kiss you, but fucking you is a whole other matter. I’m not crossing that bridge, I just wanted a little taste. Fuck.”

She crossed the room to the duffel bag, smoothing her short peroxide-blonde hair back from her flushed forehead before digging around in it for something. Kylo leaned up on his elbows and watched her. He was a little breathless. His lips felt swollen.

Phasma stumbled back over, putting a bit into Kylo’s mouth and fastening it behind his head, the straps digging into his cheeks a little. He bit down on it, a little surprised. She grabbed his arm and pushed him down onto the ground. She whipped up the edge of the bedspread and he saw with surprise that there was a small cage under there. “I had time to put this together the other week when Hux asked me to take you. It’s time for you to go to bed. Get in.”

She eased open the door and nudged him with her foot. He gave her a look before crawling into it. Because it fit under the bed, it was fairly small, just big enough for him. She closed and latched the door and pulled it out halfway. There were chains already fastened to each corner of the cage, and she went to work clipping all the chains to the cuffs on his wrists and ankles. After she was done, he tested them experimentally. He was on his hands and knees, but there wasn’t enough give for one hand to reach the other, or really get in another position. His two options were either hunched on his hands and knees or lying down.

She came around to the front, and he let out a muffled grunt around the gag when she tried to grab his face. He jerked his chin out of her grip, but she got a hold of him eventually. She clipped a thin chain from his septum piercing to one of the bars on the cage door. This way, he wouldn’t even be able to turn his head without causing himself some serious pain.

Kylo stared at her as she pushed the cage back under the bed and dropped the bedspread back into place. Kylo was plunged into darkness except for the light coming from near the ground. Kylo bit down on the gag in frustration. He was hoping he wouldn’t have to sleep like this since they were in a safe house and in no danger of being discovered. He immediately shut down that thought sternly, self-policing himself. Phasma wanted him like this, and he had no say in it. If she thought this was best, then this was best. He had no right to be questioning her authority. She was taking care of him in Hux’s stead.

He listened to her walk around the room before getting back in the bed. The bed creaked and groaned as she got into position. Strange moaning noises came from up above and the bed jerked every few seconds. Kylo frowned in confusion. What was she _doing_? Above him, Phasma bit off a curse with a choked voice. Kylo tried to look up on instinct and tugged viciously on his nose ring. His eyes started watering, and he tried lying down, blinking tears out of his eyes. _Oh_. Phasma was finishing what she started.

Kylo should be grateful that she just stopped at kissing him. He didn’t know how Hux would react if he found out that Kylo hadn’t been faithful to him. Kylo liked Phasma’s force and solid weight, but he knew that he was meant for Hux, not Phasma. He couldn’t help but wish he could make her happy too in another way.

He contented himself by lying down as well as he could. The only view he had was a dim piece of wall and bedspread, so he closed his eyes. He felt safe like this, gagged and tied up and put away under Phasma’s bed until he was needed again. He let his mind go blank.

Dimly, he heard Phasma come with a shout. She rolled off the bed, and he saw her feet pad away from the bed. She left the room for a while. He could hear the dim sounds of voices and glasses clinking. It hadn’t been that late, so Phasma was evidently amusing herself for the evening. That didn’t have anything to do with Kylo, so he let himself doze off.

Sometime later, he heard her come back into the room, felt the bed sag under her as she got in, and eventually listened to her snoring breaths as he drifted off to sleep.

He dreamed about Hux all alone in their house far away. He dreamed he floated above Hux’s house, attached to it by a thin string. He was a gray, misty ghost, immaterial and lonely. He spent the night scratching at the windows and trying to get in, straining to catch a glimpse of Hux through the fogged-up windows.

They stayed at the safe house for three days.

Phasma seemed to have gotten it out of her system. She didn’t kiss Kylo again, or even mention it, so Kylo didn’t either. They had to lay low, so they stayed in the cabin most of the time.

Kylo found himself with more freedom than he had experienced for months. With Hux, there was always something to do. Food to make, something to tidy up or clean, laundry to do, chores to keep him busy. With Phasma, there were none of those expectations. All they had for food was canned soup and grilled cheese, and there weren’t any chores to do. Phasma spent the day watching TV, cleaning her weapons, or outside doing work around the house: raking the lawn, fixing the shingles, working on the pipes that had gotten leaky from the weather.

Phasma made it clear he was to stay in the house in either the living room or kitchen. He wasn’t allowed in the bedroom where all the supplies were unless she was there too. She attached a hobbling chain to his ankle cuffs whenever she was out of the room. She didn’t trust him nearly as much as Hux did. As a result, he didn’t have much to do. Left adrift by Hux’s absence without even any chores to keep him busy, Kylo found he didn’t like the free time as much as he thought he would. He had been beaten and molded into someone who needed to be told what to do; and without structure, he began spiraling.

Phasma caught onto this fairly quickly when she came back inside to see Kylo curled up in a corner in the kitchen stabbing himself repeatedly with a fork. He had dozens of bloody holes in his thigh by the time she got to him and ripped it out of his hands. He screamed wordlessly at her when she did.

She dragged him into the garage, strung him up by his arms so his toes barely touched the floor, stuck earplugs in his ears and blindfolded him. She left him hanging there for hours. At the end of the night, when she finally let him down, his shoulders ached and he couldn’t move his arms properly for almost half an hour. He was much more subdued after that, both resentful and grateful to her. This confusing mix of emotions was just who he was these days.

The next day, before Phasma went outside, she handed him a pencil and notebook. “By the time I come back in, I want to know many strands there are in that carpet. For every ten strands that you’re off, I’ll beat you once. Understood?”

Kylo’s mouth dropped open. He looked down at the carpet, a shag monstrosity that took up half the room. He bristled at the impossibility of the task. “But – that’s so unfair! There’s no way I can figure that out. There’s no way that you even know how many there are!” He protested.

Phasma hit him. He staggered and grabbed his face in shock. He tasted blood.

“What I know or don’t know isn’t any of your concern. What _is_ your concern is doing what I say. Now, Hux told me that you were nice and obedient. I’d hate to find out that isn’t true. Do you understand?” Phasma asked sternly.

Kylo picked the notebook up and turned his eyes to the ground. “Yes, ma’am.” He said lowly, losing all his attitude in an instant. She was right. He’d forgotten his place for a moment.

Kylo spent the rest of the day on the floor, dutifully going methodically through the carpet strand by strand, doing his best to count them. He tallied them up in his notebook, filling page after page, and doing his math once and once again to make sure it was right. His fingertips were sore by the end of the day from separating tiny strands of carpet.

When Phasma came back inside, flushed from healthy exertion, she sprawled down on the couch, unlacing her boots. “Well? What’s the final count?”

Kylo was still kneeling on the ground. He flipped through the pages of the notebook he’d filled, a little nervous about his final number. He did his best, but he knew the point of this exercise wasn’t to get a correct number.

“I got three thousand, six hundred and forty-nine.” Kylo said.

Phasma only took a moment to think. A small, cruel smile crossed her face. “Oh, I’m sorry, hon, but it’s actually three thousand, eight hundred and fifty. You were close.”

Kylo tried and failed to control the anger that rose in his face. He clenched his fists and stared at Phasma’s feet. It was safer not to meet her eyes right now. “You just made that number up…” He said through clenched teeth. She had no idea how hard he had actually tried to find the correct number.

Phasma laughed, thin and sadistic. “The very fact that you’re saying that proves to me that you need this. A firm hand will do you good. C’mon, boy. Get up here. Now.”

Dread weighing him down, Kylo walked over to Phasma. She pulled a leash out of her huge pocket, clipping it to Kylo’s collar and tugging him down so he was over her lap. She untied the handkerchief she had knotted in her hair and shoved it in Kylo’s mouth. He let out a muffled shout.

Without warning, she yanked down his pants, exposing him to the air. He shivered. He could feel himself start to drool, but it didn’t help with the sawdusty taste heavy on his tongue. “Now, I want your hands at your sides. If you move them for any reason, I’m adding to the count. Got it?”

He nodded miserably, his wrists resting on her lap, hands in fists. She pinched the sensitive skin over his right hip so hard he bucked and screamed in surprise. “Got it?”

“_Y’ss, a’ang_.” He struggled to speak around the handkerchief stuffed in his mouth.

He managed to keep his hands at his sides through the entire punishment. Phasma gave Kylo twenty firm swats on his thighs and ass. He shouted hoarsely after every hit, heat and pain spreading like wildfire across his skin. He was breathing heavily, the blood rushing to his head making him dizzy. He could feel his involuntary drool soaking the handkerchief, but there was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he could do about anything. He floated in helpless, dreamy space after she finished. The pain was there at the edges of his consciousness, but he felt safe down here, taken care of.

When he came back to himself, he was lying face-down on the couch, naked. The handkerchief was still stuffed in his mouth, and his leash had been tied around the wooden slats of the arm of the couch. He shifted a little to get up, but his ass blazed in pain, and he stopped moving. His skin felt hot and tight, like it had been flayed off. He didn’t want to move until the pain went down a little.

He could hear Phasma moving around the kitchen behind him somewhere, dishware clinking and the fridge being opened and closed. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend it was Hux.

The next morning, Kylo was lying on his stomach on the living room floor when Phasma came in from the garage where she’d been banging around for the past few hours. Kylo looked up from the 15-year-old magazine he’d been half-heartedly flipping through.

“You play ping pong?” Phasma asked abruptly.

Kylo blinked in confusion. He almost had to remind himself what ping pong was. “Uh… I have. A few times. I don’t know if I’m any good.”

Phasma thumbed back at the garage. She was breathing heavy from healthy exertion and seemed in good spirits. “You wanna play? There’s a table in the garage I found.”

“What, now?” Kylo asked. This had to be one of the stranger orders he’d received. He wracked his brain, wondering if there was some sort of catch.

“Why not? There’s nothing left to do around here. I’m climbing the walls, I’m so bored.” Phasma said.

Kylo didn’t waste any time, standing up and putting the magazine down. “Okay.” He wasn’t foolish enough to mistake this friendly request for anything other than what it was: an order. Phasma was bored. He would have to amuse her.

Kylo trailed Phasma into the overcrowded garage. She had cleared off a space big enough for the table and them to play. Kylo took up his spot on the far side of the room, picking up his racket and trying to will his muscles to remember how to play this game.

Phasma took a few practice swings and then spiked the ball at Kylo. He tried to hit it and overshot while the ball flew behind him and clattered on the ground. He scrambled after it.

“One-oh.” Phasma grinned. “Your turn.”

Kylo hefted the ball and calculated his chances. He wanted to hit it to her and offer up a little bit of a challenge, but he certainly didn’t want to try to beat her. That might make her angry. He spiked the ball to her crossways across the table. She hit it easily. It came back to him and he hit it again. It flew over to her side of the table and she missed it entirely.

“Fuck!” She exclaimed, laughing. “I’m rusty, I guess.”

The second the ball flew off the table, Kylo’s stomach had clenched in nerves. “Sorry, ma’am. I’ll hit it softer next time.” He said quickly.

She picked up the ball and seemed to notice his anxiety. Her voice softened a little. “Kylo, this isn’t a test or something. I’m not going to be mad if you beat me. I just want to waste some time. Just play honestly. Have some fun.”

Kylo nodded slowly. “O…okay.”

That seemed to break the ice. They both did pretty badly at first, the ball flying off the table more often than not. After they’d warmed up a bit, they managed to get some pretty good rounds in. Despite all odds, Kylo even started to enjoy himself a little. He’d absorbed the good mood of Phasma. If she was laughing and kidding around, it was okay for him to relax a little.

Kylo sent her a particularly good one that had her lunging to hit the ball and failing. “Goddamn, boy, you’ve got quite a mean strike!” She exclaimed, smiling.

Kylo laughed. He honest to God laughed, for no other reason than that he was having a good time. The cawing sound escaped his mouth like it was a little surprised to be showing its face. He was amusing Phasma. That was good.

“I don’t know. I think you’re just slow.” He said, grinning a little, lopsided and out-of-practice, a little strained.

She raised her eyebrows, and for a brief, dizzyingly terrifying second, Kylo thought he’d miscalculated; but then she laughed. He relaxed. “You’ve got quite a smart mouth on you there, kid. Better watch it, or I’ll have to knock it out of you.”

Kylo saluted sarcastically. “Yes, ma’am.” He panted, out of breath from all the running around.

Phasma shook her head and served him the ping-pong so fast it bounced off his elbow.

They played for an hour or two. By the end of it, they were both a little out of breath, Kylo more so because he was so out of shape.

Phasma disappeared into the house and came back with two beers. She handed one to Kylo. “Good game.”

Kylo took the beer in surprise. “Thank you.” He said sincerely. He felt affection roll over him, different than how he felt about Hux. His greater mind seemed to have forgotten that yesterday she’d beaten him, that three days ago she’d forced herself on him. Those things weren’t important anymore. She was being nice to him now, for no reason. His affection-starved mind clung onto that like a leech.

Phasma clinked her bottle against his and took a sip. “You earned it.”

Kylo didn’t really want a beer, but the fact that she was giving it to him meant everything. He thought he’d put up a pretty good front, but the entire time, he’d been terrified that Phasma would suddenly decide he shouldn’t be having a good time, that the only proper state for someone like him was quiet and subservient. But he was also banking on the fact that she appeared to tolerate, even encourage, just a little bit of back talk. Certainly not enough to truly question her authority, but just the right amount. He was like a cute pet that could do a trick. A rat balancing a ball on his nose. A cat shaking hands. Amusing in small doses.

If it made her happy, he was willing to pretend he was still the kind of person that could do something as easy as play a friendly game, despite the fact that he spent the whole time carefully calculating every move he made and how Phasma would respond to it. Normal behavior was a kind of performance to him now.

* * *

One morning, they waited in bated silence as they heard a car drive by slow, make a loop and go back where it came from. They were the only cabin for about a mile. Phasma had them packed up and loaded into the car in an hour.

Kylo’s hands were forced into the mitts again for the drive. Phasma seemed to have softened a little to him, but she was determined to keep him on as short a leash as possible.

They drove, and drove, and drove. Kylo didn’t know where they were going, and he didn’t ask. He knew Phasma wouldn’t tell him.

They had to spend the night in the car. Phasma didn’t want to risk a motel, so she pulled off into a dark, empty field for the night. She hogtied, blindfolded, and gagged Kylo in the trunk before settling in for the night in the backseat.

Kylo couldn’t sleep all night. His limbs and back ached, and he had a persistent itch underneath his collar that he couldn’t reach at all. He thought fondly about the freedom of movement that Hux had allowed him at night, able to move his arms a little and shift around on the bed. Hux had been so accommodating, and Kylo didn’t think he appreciated it as much as he should have.

The next day, they stopped for lunch at another fast food restaurant. Phasma was just parking at the far end of the parking lot when a police car pulled in beside them, and an officer got out, eyes trained on them.

“_Oh, shit_!” Phasma cursed under her breath, lunging to release Kylo’s hands from the mitts. She threw them into the backseat, but it was too late. The cop saw it, and his eyes narrowed.

He walked up to the window. “You folks mind getting out of the vehicle for a few minutes?”

Phasma did, and after a nod from her, Kylo followed her lead. His heart was thudding slow and heavy. This was new, and he didn’t know how to react.

Phasma got around to Kylo’s side of the car first, standing between Kylo and the cop. “Is there a problem, officer?” She asked with a strained smile.

The man looked between the two of them slowly, one hand resting on his gun belt. It was obvious why he was concerned. He saw a six-foot two woman with an expression set to kill driving around with a disheveled, barefoot, bruised, traumatized-looking man. Kylo looked down at himself, realizing how much of his permanent bondage was visible right now. Wrist cuffs, scars on his arms, proprietary septum piercing, bruise on his face from yesterday. And the collar. Of course.

“I think there might be, but I’m hoping there’s not. Everything all right here?” The cop asked, looking more toward Kylo than Phasma.

“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? We’re just making a stop for lunch.” Phasma answered, voice bright and false.

Kylo pressed his lips together and looked at the ground. Hux had made the rules clear. No talking to anyone besides Phasma. He wasn’t about to disobey the first person they came across.

The cop’s eyes narrowed upon seeing Kylo’s behavior. “Sir? Is that right? Is everything okay?”

Kylo wasn’t even sure the officer was talking to him. Sir? That sure wasn’t him. He was sweet, pet, darling. Certainly not someone who deserved an address of respect like that.

Upon seeing that Kylo wasn’t going to answer, the cop turned to Phasma. “You can understand why I’m a little concerned over your… companion’s… appearance.”

Phasma smiled tightly. “Yes, but really, it’s nothing to worry about. He wants it. It’s… you know. Dominatrix shit. You get it.”

The officer didn’t move. “Forgive me if I don’t quite believe that. He looks like he’s been through a meat grinder.”

Kylo sneaked a look at the cop and was confused by what he saw there. The officer was looking at him with… pity? Concern? He didn’t understand it.

Phasma’s eyes kept slipping to the trunk of the car where her guns were. She was wise enough not to start inching in that direction. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this is none of your business. He likes it rough sometimes, that’s all.”

The cop gave her a level look. Phasma could probably snap him like a twig, but he held his own against her. “It _is_ my business if somebody here is being hurt. _He_ doesn’t look like he likes it, he looks traumatized. This doesn’t look to me like a game, this looks real.”

Phasma opened her mouth to retort, but the officer interrupted her. “I want to hear it from _him_. Sir? What is your name?”

Kylo looked up, panicked. He didn’t know what to do. He looked at Phasma, hoping for rescue, but she was glaring at the officer.

The officer stepped forward carefully, like he was approaching a skittish animal. “Hey. What’s your name?”

Kylo finally caught Phasma’s gaze. She nodded once, tightly, giving her permission.

“Luke,” He said, the first name that came to mind.

“Okay, Luke. I’m Martin. Are you okay?” The officer said.

Kylo nodded once, tightly. “Mhm.”

Martin pointed at his face. “How’d you get that bruise?”

Kylo blinked, searching for an excuse. “Uh, Lizzie gave it to me, but it’s okay. I deserved it.”

Phasma grimaced behind him, knowing he was making it worse.

Martin turned to Phasma. “You’re Lizzie, I presume?”

Phasma smiled tightly. “That’s right. And now you’ve heard it from, Luke, here. We really need to go.”

Martin put up a hand. “Just hang on a minute. Luke, I’m just going to give it to you straight, okay? Are you being held against your will? Do you need help?”

Kylo blinked, completely at a loss to even begin to answer the question that, if he’d been asked a few months ago, would have made him weep in relief. Now… he didn’t know. Phasma tensed in anticipation of his answer. What finally got him to arrive at an answer was that thought that if he said yes, he would never see Hux again. He didn’t think he could bear that.

“No, of course not. I’m fine.” He said, knowing he sounded strange and unnatural.

The officer didn’t look convinced. He pointed at the collar. “And that?”

“It’s, it’s, it’s, you know, like… a sex thing, uh…” Kylo stammered.

The cop raised his eyebrows. “You want it?”

“Hu – Lizzie takes care of me. I’m very grateful.” Kylo said.

Phasma broke in then. “There you go, officer. He told you it’s fine. What we choose to do in the privacy of our home is none of your business. Nobody is being held against their will here.”

The cop really didn’t believe them, wanted the slightest excuse to act. He was just waiting for Kylo to give it to him. It was all over his face, in the turned-down eyebrows and concern. “Luke, I’d like you to step aside with me for a moment.”

Phasma spoke up. “Absolutely not! He’s staying right here.”

The cop turned to her with a frown. “Just for a moment. Unless you’re telling me there’s any particular reason why he can’t.”

Phasma was stuck. She waved her hand angrily. “Fine. Fine! Make it quick.”

Kylo walked a few paces away with the cop. He leaned in close to him and lowered his voice so Phasma couldn’t hear. “Listen, if you’re being abused, you just need to say so, and I’ll get you out of here. If you’re not happy, it doesn’t have to be like this.”

Kylo shook his head tightly, hunched his shoulders. “I’m taken care of, I don’t have to worry about anything. Why would I want to go anywhere?”

“It just looks like you’re being hurt, son. Quite a bit.”

Kylo shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes I deserve it.”

“You know that’s not true, right? I can get you help. I think you need it.” Martin said.

Kylo blinked, kept glancing back at Phasma nervously. This was confusing and strange, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. “I’m… fine. Can I go back now, sir?”

The cop looked at him sadly for a long moment. “Yes. If you’re sure.”

Kylo walked back over to Phasma, who grabbed his wrist proprietarily. “If that’s all, officer, we’re leaving. Our food is cold.”

She opened the door, and with one last look at the police officer, Kylo climbed in. The cop watched them for about a minute before shaking his head and getting back into his car. He knew something was wrong, but there just weren’t any grounds for him to do anything.

Phasma drove for twenty minutes in complete silence, looking in the rearview mirror the whole way to see if they were being followed. Eventually, she was satisfied that they weren’t, and she pulled off to an abandoned spot in a railyard, parking the car and taking a moment to put her head on the steering wheel. “Jesus, I really thought – For a minute there, I thought it was all over. I thought I was going to have to shoot him, and that would have turned into the biggest clusterfuck.”

Kylo had had something on his mind the whole time they’d been driving. He turned to Phasma and cleared his throat tentatively. “Phasma? Er, sorry. Ma’am. Can I ask you something?”

Phasma lifted her head and looked at him curiously. “Yes, Kylo?”

Kylo took a deep breath. “Am I in trouble?”

“Why would you be in trouble?” Phasma asked in surprise.

“I talked to that man, even though I’m not allowed to talk to anyone but you.” Kylo said.

Phasma laughed. “Are you kidding me? You saved our asses. If you hadn’t done that, we would be burying a body right now. You did good, kid.”

She ruffled his hair, and Kylo relaxed. If Phasma was happy, he was happy. He settled in for the long drive to wherever they were going next. Phasma even let him eat on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, bud... He really could have gotten himself out of that one. Oh well. He's busy pining after Hux. He's got stuff to do.


	26. Chapter 26

The next few days were relatively peaceful. They stopped at another one of Phasma’s safe houses, this one on the edge of a marsh. This one was definitely a Plan B. It wasn’t nearly as well-equipped as the first house, but they made do.

Kylo still didn’t get to sleep in a bed. Phasma tethered him to the foot of her bed by the ankles and harness, with his hands chained to his collar, same as before. However, after his show of loyalty, she definitely seemed to have warmed to him. Instead of making him sleep on the hard floor, she brought a mass of blankets that Kylo made into a kind of nest or makeshift bed to sleep on.

During the days, she made sure to keep him busy with some task or other. She knew now that he couldn’t be left to his own devices. She had a knack for keeping him in line. One day, she tied his hands behind his back and knotted his leash around a support post, leaving him just enough slack. She came back with three coasters. She held them to the wall, and then directed Kylo to step up, holding them in place with his knees and forehead.

“Now, be a good boy and keep track of these for me. If you can, I’ll let you watch a movie with me tonight. If not, you can spend the evening hogtied in the bedroom.” Phasma warned before leaving him there.

Kylo managed to do it. He kept the coasters against the wall, although there were a few close calls where he almost lost one of them. His muscles were trembling, and he was soaked in sweat by the time Phasma came back. The whole time, he managed to only think about the task at hand. There wasn’t any room left in his head to think about Hux. He was sure that was what Phasma was counting on.

Phasma untied his leash and allowed him to sink to the floor. He did, breathing heavily. He looked up at her, hoping for some kind of praise, but she barely seemed to notice he was there. She seemed distracted. He’d heard her outside talking to someone. Kylo wondered if it was Hux.

Phasma untied his hands absently and left him on the floor as she collapsed on the couch. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and sighed heavily. She looked tired.

Kylo sat on the ground, biting his lip and studying her. Phasma seemed unhappy, and if he’d been taught anything over the course of his captivity, it was that if his owner was unhappy, he would be soon. Learned survival told him to do whatever he could to make her feel better.

He thought for a moment, and then crawled over to Phasma. He started unlacing her boots. She stiffened and opened one eye. “And what the fuck do you think you’re doing, Kylo?”

Kylo tasted bile at the reproach. His fingers stilled but didn’t fall away. “You look stressed. I want you to feel better, ma’am.”

She eyed him suspiciously for a moment and then leaned back, giving her tacit approval for him to continue. Kylo unlaced her boots, and she allowed him to lift her feet and take them off. He began to massage her ankles and calves. She stretched and groaned.

“Mmm, you’ve got a knack for that, hon.” Phasma said, voice curling in pleasure.

Kylo brightened at the praise. The knot of anxiety in his stomach he felt whenever he sensed he might be in trouble loosened somewhat. He kept kneading her tense muscles until she was utterly relaxed. He looked up at her face, eyes closed and head back. He missed Hux so much he thought it would drive him crazy, but Phasma was much nicer to him than he’d thought she would be. He knew he didn’t have a choice in captor, but he was glad Hux had chosen her to look after him. So far, she’d only hurt him when he deserved it, when he needed it. Just like Hux.

Before continuing any farther, Kylo thought very carefully about what his next move was. The possible uses people could get out of him had narrowed significantly over the past who-knew how long (_Years? Could it have been years?_). He used to be many things: a friend, a son, a fighter, a shitty tactician, an obnoxious pain in the ass. Now, he was one thing: whatever Hux wanted. And what Hux wanted was someone to keep his house and to be accommodating and submissive in bed. That was what he was good for now. His skillset had dramatically narrowed to a thin line.

He got up on his knees, reaching for the waistband of her jeans. He stopped there, knowing he needed to wait for permission. Phasma opened her eyes again, looking down at him in silent question.

Kylo’s fingers were poised over her zipper. He slid his other hand between her legs. The space between her clothed thighs was almost feverish in its heat. She sucked in a sharp breath. “What are you doing?”

“I want to make you happy.” Kylo said earnestly.

Phasma paused. She looked tempted. Her eyes were dilated, and she looked at the man at her feet in obvious lust. Still she hesitated. “Is that what you want, or did Hux really just fuck you over?”

Kylo didn’t understand the question. He blinked in confusion. Phasma was unhappy. If she was, odds were likely she’d take it out on him. His well-being depended on Phasma being pleased with him. If he could do anything to please her, he’d do it. Of course he wanted her. “I want to make you happy.” He repeated, a little confused.

Phasma pushed him away from her and sat up. “Sorry, but I’m not really turned on by the idea of fucking someone who’s brainwashed into thinking they want me.”

Kylo looked down at the ground, a little hurt. He wondered with a rush of worry if Phasma would be angry that he had taken the initiative here. Now she would be even more angry with him.

Phasma saw his reaction and softened a little. She put a finger under his chin, tilting his face up to meet hers. “Hey, you want to make Hux happy, don’t you?”

Kylo nodded solemnly. Of course he did.

“Well, he wouldn’t want you to be with anyone else. He’s not really the sharing type. I shouldn’t have done what I did the other day. That was a mistake and it won’t happen again.” Phasma said.

“Is he okay? Hux? I – I know I’m not supposed to ask, but… I just… I need to know.” Kylo blurted out before he could stop himself, readying himself for a reprimand or something worse.

Phasma paused. “He’s taking care of things. That’s all you need to know. I did talk to him yesterday, though. He is very happy to hear how well you’re behaving.”

Kylo looked up, desperate for even the smallest bits of information. “He is?”

Phasma patted him on the cheek. “Mmhmm. Let’s get some dinner.”

Kylo floated for the rest of the night on just that little morsel of news about Hux. He tried to be extra helpful to Phasma, hoping she would tell Hux about it, and he would be more likely to come back sooner rather than later.

They could have stayed there indefinitely except for on the fifth day, they were both startled by a knock at the door. They were sitting at the table eating lunch at the time. Phasma got up and peeked out the curtains. Her face darkened and she cursed. “_Shit_! It’s that fucking cop from the other day. I knew we should have ditched the car.”

Heavy knocking. “This is the police! Open up! Ms. Phasma, we’ve run your license and know you’re in there! We have reason to believe you are holding a hostage, Ben Organa! If you do not comply, we will kick the door down!” A booming, authoritative voice shouted.

Phasma didn’t hesitate. She grabbed the shotgun from where she kept it near the door and cocked it. Kylo was sitting frozen with his mouth open. He didn’t know what to do.

“Get on the fucking floor. Now!” Phasma barked at Kylo. He immediately complied, huddling under the table.

“Okay, okay! I’m coming out! Take it easy!” Phasma shouted while shoving a second pistol into her waistband.

She picked up a heavy ceramic bowl sitting in the middle of the dining table and threw it at the front window. It crashed through with a deafening sound. In the split second while the cops’ attention was diverted, Phasma hefted the shotgun, opened the door and unloaded two shots into their chests.

Kylo saw the buckshot hit two cops. He jumped in shock. Blood sprayed and they fell backwards off the porch. Phasma began reloading the shotgun and stepped forward to check on them.

Kylo was gripping the table legs so hard his fingers hurt. His heart was pounding fit to burst. He was suddenly startled by movement out of the corner of his eye. He whipped his head around to see a third cop sneaking up behind Phasma. He must have gotten in through the back door during all the commotion. The cop caught sight of Kylo huddling under the table and put a finger to his lips. He advanced on Phasma’s back with his gun drawn.

Kylo’s heart almost stopped. “_Phasma, behind you! Look out!_” He screamed.

The cop took a split second to stare aghast at Kylo. Why would a hostage protect his captor? While he was distracted, Phasma whirled around, dropping the shotgun and pulling the pistol from her waistband. With perfect aim, she shot the third cop in the head. His entire body jerked with the force and dropped to the floor. A pool of blood began oozing out from beneath his head.

Kylo couldn’t stop staring at it. His head was spinning. This had all happened so fast. They had just been sitting here eating, and now all of a sudden there were three dead cops in their house.

Phasma took a huge breath, brushing her hair back from her face. There was a steely look in her eyes from all the adrenaline. She reached down and pulled Kylo to his feet. She shoved him towards the door roughly.

“We’re leaving. Get in the car.” She said.

Kylo was going to say something, maybe ask what was going on, but the murderous look she sent his way cowed him instantly. Phasma hustled into the back room, presumably to pack her few possessions. On shaky legs, Kylo started walking towards the door. When he got to the threshold, he saw the mutilated corpses of the two cops. He tried not to look at them too closely. His stomach churned, and he had to work hard not to throw up.

He stepped carefully over the first body, but his blood ran cold when he heard a wet coughing from the second. He looked down to see the cop from the other day. Martin. He’d been shot in the side, and blood soaked his uniform all the way down to his ankles. He was fighting to get to his feet, and when he saw Kylo, he struggled to speak.

“_R-ruuun…_” Martin managed to say.

Kylo stared down at him. He felt upset for reasons he couldn’t identify. He should be relieved that Phasma had dispatched the threat so easily, but the bloody violence turned his stomach. He felt bad for them, although he thought he shouldn’t. He knew having thoughts like this would only get him in trouble, so he tried to shut it down. “Why did you have to come here? I told you I was okay.” He said desperately.

Martin tried to respond, but at that moment, Phasma came striding out of the house carrying a duffel bag. “Kylo, what are you doing just standing there? You’re going to earn yourself a-”

She cut off when she saw who Kylo was looking at. Her brow clouded. She dropped the bag and reached into her waistband to get her pistol and finish the job. Kylo’s heart clenched and he bit his lip so hard it bled. He wanted to say something, to beg for the man’s life, but he knew that ultimately, it was up to Phasma what happened to him. He didn’t get a say.

Phasma turned off the safety and was aiming her gun at Martin’s head when she slowed. A thought crossed her face. She raised an eyebrow. “You know what? On second thought, I ought to find out what you know, hmm? I don’t want to throw away a present that’s been dropped in my lap.”

Martin’s face blanched, and he tried with shaking hands to get his gun out of its holster before Phasma reached down and snatched it out of his hands.

“Help me get him inside. Now!” Phasma growled. It took Kylo a moment to realize she was talking to him. He jumped, but dutifully grabbed Martin’s legs while Phasma took his arms and carted him up the steps into the cabin. Martin was breathing tight through his teeth from the pain of his gunshot wound, and he kept trying to make eye contact with Kylo, who studiously avoided it.

Once they got him inside, Phasma took Martin’s handcuffs off his belt and handcuffed his hands above his head to the radiator.

After handcuffing Martin, Phasma snapped at Kylo and pointed at the other end of the room.

“I want your back against the wall and your hands in your lap now. Don’t you dare move until I get back.” Phasma barked.

Kylo scrambled to do as she said. He slid down the wall and sat with his hands clasped in his lap. He looked up at her, thought about asking her what she was going to do, but then decided against it. She looked furious.

She gave Martin an angry look and stormed off to the other room. It sounded like she was calling someone.

Martin was staring at Kylo. He tried to avoid his gaze by looking down at his feet. There was blood splattered all over the ground from the third cop.

“Hey. Your name is Ben, right?” Martin called softly, trying not to attract Phasma’s notice.

That caught Kylo’s attention. He looked up sharply and then back down, biting his lip.

He blinked furiously. His stomach hurt. “Please don’t call me that.” He whispered faintly, still not looking at him.

“What would you like to be called? I know your name isn’t Luke.” Martin said. His face was gray, but otherwise seemed to be holding up pretty well for someone who had been shot.

“I’m Kylo.” He said hoarsely.

“Kylo. Okay. Do you know where the keys to the handcuffs are?”

Kylo was silent for so long that Martin asked again.

“I’m not supposed to talk to you.” Kylo said quietly. Even this amount of talking was liable to get him in trouble.

Martin tried to shift to get more comfortable, although he was at an awkward angle with his hands held above his head. “Why? Just because she told you to? She’s out of the room, she won’t know we’re talking.”

Kylo pressed his lips together tightly, as if even Martin bringing up the idea of talking was enough to force his hand. Phasma might not know if they were talking or not, but that wasn’t the point. Talking to Martin would be disobedience, and that would be wrong, and by extension, Hux would be disappointed. It didn’t matter if he was here or not. Kylo would know he’d let down Hux, and that would be enough.

Martin was still staring at him. Kylo closed his eyes, wishing he would stop _doing_ that. It made him feel strange, it was as if the man was tempting him, _daring_ him to be bad, but Kylo didn’t _want_ to. He wanted Phasma to come back and take care of things, he wanted everything to go back to how it was fifteen minutes ago.

Martin tried again. His hands were flexing, twisting in the handcuffs, searching for a weakness, a way out. It was a fruitless search Kylo was intimately familiar with. “It isn’t really about Phasma, is it? You’re only with her for a little while. You’re worried about Armitage Hux, right?”

Now _that_ was enough to get Kylo to look at him. “How do you know that?” He said sharply.

Faint hope crossed Martin’s face that he’d gotten Kylo’s attention. “After I met you the other day, I couldn’t let it go. I knew something was wrong, I knew you needed help, so I checked national missing persons reports, and I found you. I spoke to your mother.”

Kylo’s stomach dropped to the floor. No, farther than that. The basement. “_What_?” He gasped.

Martin was clearly in pain, but he was powering through it, because he knew he only had a limited amount of time to get through to Kylo. “She’s worried about you. She’s been looking for you.”

Kylo blinked; his head fuzzy, confused. Leia was a vague point of light for him, like a distant star; she was a monumental force full of warmth and light, but he was too far away to feel it. He was floating through a different star system. “Why?” He asked.

Sympathy crossed Martin’s face. “Because she knows you need help.”

Kylo glanced nervously at the door to the back room, but Phasma’s staccato voice was steady and occupied. He looked back at Martin. “But… but that doesn’t make any sense. She’s not looking for me.”

Martin frowned. “How do you know?”

“Because Hux told me.” Kylo said simply, as if that definitely closed any other avenues of argument. Hux had said she wasn’t looking for him, that she hadn’t cared that he’d gone, so that was the truth. Martin just didn’t know Hux like he did. It was easier to believe that Martin was lying.

“Oh, Kylo, I’m sorry, but Hux lied to you.” Martin said in the soft voice you would reserve for a small child.

Anger grew in Kylo’s chest like it had been breathed into flame. How dare this stranger think he knew a thing about Hux? “No, he didn’t. Hux doesn’t lie to me.” Kylo hissed.

Martin tried again. “Kylo, he-”

Kylo was done listening. This was what he got for not listening to Hux. This is why he didn’t want him to talk to other people, because they would lie to him like this. “Shut up! You don’t know anything!”

“I know that Hux’s days are numbered. I know that they’ve discovered the location of his house and they’re going to take it. He thinks they’re going after the warehouses on the coast, but that’s just a decoy. I know that you’re not gone enough to not recognize a lifeline when it’s thrown your way. Help me get out of here, and I’ll-”

Kylo put his hands over his ears. Take Hux’s house? Did Hux know? It was clear to him now that Martin was a threat to him, a threat to Hux. He’d only pretended to be nice before, when what he really wanted to do was manipulate Kylo into betraying Hux. It wasn’t going to happen. Hux had been right about the danger other people posed. This was why he had given him to Phasma, to protect him.

Martin was still trying to win Kylo back, but he cut off when Phasma walked back into the room, holding the phone to her ear. Kylo put his hands back in his lap.

“You want to talk to the cop? Or I can just put you on speakerphone while I get it out of him so you can hear what he says.” Phasma said.

Martin turned white at whatever _getting it out of him_ would entail. Phasma listened for a moment, then glanced at Kylo. “You sure? I don’t think this is really the time for – Alright. Here he is.”

Phasma walked over to Kylo and held the phone out. “Hux wants to talk to you.” She said.

Kylo’s heart leapt in happiness, and he grabbed at the phone. He pressed it to his ear. “Hux?” He said eagerly.

“Hey there, sweetheart.” Hux’s voice came over the line, smooth and strong and so, so familiar tears sprung to Kylo’s eyes. He instantly felt the tension melt out of him. He’d missed hearing Hux’s voice so much. “Are you okay? Being good for Phasma?”

“Yes, Hux, of course. I miss you.” Kylo said desperately.

“I know you do. It shouldn’t be too much longer, I can promise you that.” Hux sounded like he was standing in a warehouse or a garage. The sound was echoing around him, and there were murmured voices behind him.

Kylo pressed the phone to his ear as if he could somehow get closer to Hux through this contact. “I want-” He cut off there. He didn’t know what he wanted. He usually relied on Hux for that. “I want you.” He finished.

There was a long pause. Hux sighed, and Kylo tried to divine the meaning from it. Was it sad, annoyed, longing, forlorn? He wished he could see Hux’s face so he could know for sure. “To tell you the truth, Kylo, there is nothing I want more right now than you and me in a room together, no distractions, no other people, so I can just have my way with you. Would you like that?”

Kylo closed his eyes. He wanted Hux to keep saying his name forever, to never stop. “Yes,” he sighed.

“God, you just don’t know how… _perfect_ you are.” Hux growled. There was a pause, and when he spoke again, his voice was businesslike again. “Okay, I’ve got work to do. Give the phone back to Phasma now, and tell her to put me on speakerphone.”

“Okay. I love you.” Kylo said, desperate to say it, because his opportunities these days were few and far between.

Kylo could hear the smile in his voice. “I love you too.”

Kylo handed the phone to Phasma and told her what Hux had said. She’d been watching the conversation with slight amusement in her eyes. Martin had been watching it with slowly dawning horror that Kylo was much farther gone than he’d anticipated. She put Hux on speakerphone.

“Alright, boss. You’ve got the room.” She said, putting the phone down on the arm of the couch.

“Good. Martin Grant, was it? I suppose you know who I am.” Hux’s voice somehow lost none of its cool command even over speakerphone.

Martin straightened up as well as he could where he was sitting. He coughed and blood spotted his lip. “Yes. Who doesn’t?”

“Excellent, then we can dispense with the formalities. You’ve met Phasma, of course, but you don’t really know her as well as I do, so let me tell you it is truly remarkable that you’re still possessed of all your extremities in mostly working order. She was telling me all about the different ways she could persuade you to talk, and let me tell you, some of them even managed to turn my stomach, which I can assure you is not easy to do. I think my favorite was something involving a pair of pliers and drain cleaner. Is that right, Phasma?”

“A socket wrench, actually. It’s a little messier, but I like that.” Phasma said with a sharp grin.

Martin tried to hide his reaction, but as someone intimately familiar with the dizzy anticipation of pain, Kylo could see that he was scared shitless. To his credit, he didn’t say anything.

“Unfortunately for Phasma, but fortunately for you, we don’t have the time for that. We can beat around the bush, you can insist you won’t talk, Phasma can knock you around a little, but it’s all going to end in the same place, so let’s just expedite that whole process, shall we? I’m a fan of efficiency. All I need from you, Mr. Grant, is one thing. And you’ve already given it to me.” Hux said, silky and in control. Kylo wanted to wrap himself up in that voice and never leave.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” Martin snarled, still trying for bravado even though he was slowly bleeding to death while handcuffed to a radiator.

“Phasma helpfully left you in the room with my Kylo there, and I’m sure the first thing you did was spill your guts to him. Probably tried to convince him to let you go, didn’t you? I get it, I do. He’s got those big, dark eyes that you just can’t help but love. They make you want to give him anything he wants, don’t they? But there’s something you didn’t know. He belongs to me.” Hux said.

Martin was realizing how much he’d fucked up. He looked at Kylo in horror.

“Kylo. Be a good boy and tell me what he told you.” Hux asked.

Martin widened his eyes, shook his head minutely.

Kylo didn’t even hesitate. “He said they know where your house is, and they’re going to take it. Soon. They’re not really going after your warehouse, they just want you to think that.”

There was a pause. “Thank you, Kylo. Very good. I didn’t know that. I’ll change my plans accordingly.”

Kylo felt an immediate burst of warmth in his chest. He thought he was letting Hux down, but he’d actually been doing the right thing. He didn’t even bother telling Hux what Martin had said about his mother, because that had been so obviously a lie. Hux’s word was the only one he needed, and he’d already discarded that other truth as unimportant.

Martin’s face fell. He’d realized his time was numbered; in seconds, not even minutes. “You can’t keep getting away with this forever, you know! You can’t treat people like they’re disposable, just use them and discard them just like that!”

Hux’s voice was amused. “Well, why not? It’s been working for me so far. Phasma, do whatever you’d like with him, but I would suggest you make it quick. He might have friends.”

“With pleasure, boss.” Phasma grinned.

And just like that, Hux was gone.

Phasma walked over to her discarded shotgun and began loading it with pellets. “Under ordinary circumstances, I’d like to take my time with this, but we really have to get going, so count your lucky stars. Kylo, get my bags. We’re leaving.”

Kylo got to his feet, hefting her bags over his shoulders. Martin pulled desperately at the handcuffs, but he was so clearly going nowhere. “No, don’t! I have kids, I have a wife, please don’t. Don’t! They already know you’re here; it doesn’t matter if you leave me alive. I won’t follow you.”

Phasma leveled the shotgun at him. “Sorry, pal, but when you got back to your office and saw the words First Order on that report, you should have run the other way.”

Martin turned wild eyes on Kylo. “Ben, please! Stop her, help me! It doesn’t have to be like this, there’s a whole world out there that you’ve just forgotten about, but I promise you it’s still there!”

Phasma waited a beat. Kylo dimly felt bad for him, but he was a threat to Hux, so he had to go. “My name’s not Ben.” He said, and then turned for the door.

Martin screamed, and Phasma shot him. There were two decisive thumps, and then no more sound. Kylo kept walking until he was outside. He didn’t have the key to the trunk, so he left the bags sitting on the ground. He slipped into the passenger seat of Phasma’s truck and buckled himself in, sitting with his hands folded in his lap. He looked away from the house, focusing on a flock of birds on the horizon. He watched the birds and waited for Phasma to come back.

It only took her five minutes to get ready. She stomped outside, threw everything into the trunk and then got into the driver’s seat, slamming the door with more force than was necessary. Kylo risked a glance over at her and saw she was looking murderous. The very sight made him a little nervous. He didn’t want to give her any reason whatsoever to take it out on him. He hunkered down in his seat and kept his mouth shut. He was determined to be on his best behavior.

Phasma barely looked at him, just peeled out of the driveway with a grunt of irritation. They drove for hours, and then pulled into the far parking lot of a mall. Phasma found a green sedan they could take. They had to ditch her car. She threw all her bags into the backseat and then had Kylo get into the trunk. “They’re looking for a woman and a man. They’ll be less likely to notice if it’s just one woman.”

Kylo hated the idea of being locked in a small, enclosed space for hours at a time, but he didn’t argue, just got in. The slam of the trunk made him jump, and he was plunged into darkness. They drove for hours. He didn’t know where. He lost all sense of time or space. For all he knew, they might have gone to another country.

By the time they finally stopped, it was quiet. For the past fifteen miles or so, the road had been uneven and gravelly. The constant motion was enough to make Kylo carsick, and he tried to hold it together, hoping that it wouldn’t be much longer. Eventually, they stopped.

He could hear Phasma get out of the car, and he waited for her to let him out, but it sounded like she walked away. He waited for what felt like half an hour before she finally came back and let him out.

He crawled out of the trunk and looked around him with curiosity and confusion. They were standing in what appeared to be an empty field. A scant dirt track led up to a wall of trees. There was nobody around. It was night, the only illumination the stars up above. There didn’t look to be a habitation around for miles.

Kylo looked at Phasma in confusion, wondering if there was some mistake. She simply tilted her head and indicated that he should follow her. He did, trying to inconspicuously stretch his legs after being cooped up for so long. They walked for a short distance before getting to a solid stone wall. Phasma walked right up to it without even being phased, and Kylo was shocked to see there was a thin outline of a doorway right in the stone wall. She lifted up what appeared to be solid stone to reveal a small keypad. She typed in a short code, and there was a pneumatic hissing sound as a door opened, leading to a tunnel going further into the hill.

Kylo followed Phasma inside. The door closed behind them with an ominous hissing sound. He followed her down a long hallway, lit with blue fluorescent lights into a sparsely furnished entryway. A man stood waiting for them with his arms crossed. He was of average height with a scar crisscrossing his face and a sneer set to match. His hair was buzzed close to the skull. He had a strange mix of bitter frailty and strength.

“I’ve taken the liberty of changing the passcode to get in, Phasma. You are free to leave any time you want, and please let it be soon, but let it be known that you won’t be getting back in. I don’t need crowds of people traipsing through my place.” The man said. Kylo wondered if the bad mood was a permanent kind of thing.

Phasma stepped up to meet him. “I wouldn’t call two people a crowd, Snoke. And your interests are my own. You don’t want me getting arrested, do you? I just had a very close call this afternoon.”

Snoke sniffed in irritation. “No, I suppose not.”

Phasma nodded. “Good, then we’re on the same page. And this is only temporary. Just until everything blows over with Hux.”

Snoke’s eyes narrowed at the mention of Hux. “He’s the reason we’re all in this mess to begin with. If he had just allowed the ecosystem to settle, accepted the changing of the winds, we would all be fine.”

Phasma’s expression didn’t change, although her tone did darken. “You’re not blameless, either, Snoke. You have been monumentally unhelpful the past couple months when we really needed you. You could accept your share of the responsibility.”

Snoke waved his hand and snorted. “No matter.”

Phasma didn’t answer.

Snoke finally turned his attention to Kylo with a sneer, his face twisted. “So this is the, uh, the toy, is it? Organa’s pup? Doesn’t look like much to me.”

Kylo just met this man, but he knew enough to be afraid of him. He didn’t dare say a word. He seemed to have a cruel streak in him completely unconnected from reason.

Phasma rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t have to. Hux likes him around, and if you want Hux’s continued support, I suggest you get used to it.”

Snoke looked back at Phasma. “Why isn’t he properly restrained? You just let him run around willy-nilly like this? What if he decided to attack me? Or try to escape?”

Kylo shrunk in on himself, hugging his arms around his chest, trying to indicate without words that he would never do that. He wanted very much to be good.

The look Phasma gave Snoke indicated she wouldn’t mind too much if Kylo went running straight at him with a knife. “Are you kidding me? Look at him. Hux did a great job breaking him in. If I handed him my gun right now, he wouldn’t do a thing with it. You could put your car keys in his hand, and he wouldn’t go anywhere.”

Snoke sneered at Kylo. “Is that right, boy?”

Kylo nodded, eager to demonstrate his loyalty. “Yes, sir, I-”

Snoke hit Kylo so hard he lost his balance and fell to the ground, holding his cheek in shock.

Snoke stepped up to Kylo, and he almost scrambled away before remembering himself. He stared up at Snoke with wide eyes. “You. Do. Not. Speak. Do I make myself perfectly clear? You are nothing more than mud Hux decided to scrape off of his boot. What you think is not important. You shouldn’t be thinking at all except for any orders Phasma or I give you. Understand?” Snoke snapped.

Kylo nodded silently, wide-eyed and hunched down in self-defense.

Phasma watched this with a slight frown, although she didn’t step in. “That’s really unnecessary. He’ll do whatever you say. Seriously. Give him an order and he’ll trip over himself to do it.”

Snoke looked at Phasma with an imperial air. “It seems to me that Hux neglected a few crucial steps when he was training this one. There can be no true obedience without fear.”

“Well, it seems to me that you’re just angry that you’ve never been able to inspire true loyalty. You would have obliterated him until there was nothing left. Hux made him love him.”

Snoke appeared to be done with the conversation. “Well, when he’s under my roof, he’ll have to abide by my rules. And I don’t want him wandering around without supervision. Deal with it.”

Phasma rolled her eyes and dug in her bag before pulling something out. She dragged Kylo to his feet before clipping his cuffs together behind his back and attaching a leash to the front of his collar. She wrapped it twice around her hand so Kylo didn’t have more than a foot of leeway. She looked at Snoke. “Happy?”

“Marginally.” Snoke sniffed, looking like he’d never once been happy in his life.

Kylo was pulled behind Phasma as Snoke led her deeper into the bunker. The entire place was furnished like a regular house, but in the background of a doomsday bunker. The overall effect was very depressing.

Snoke led Phasma to a bare guest room with not much beyond a bed, dresser, and overhead light. Phasma looked in at the room with a sniff. “Not one for decoration, are you?” She said.

Snoke didn’t respond. He held his hand out for Kylo’s leash. “If you want to settle in, I’ll put him away and we can eat dinner. We have a lot to discuss.”

Kylo startled. He had assumed he would be sleeping at the foot of Phasma’s bed like usual. He didn’t like the idea of going away with this strange man. For the few minutes he’d known him, he didn’t trust him a bit. He huddled in a little closer to Phasma, hoping she would decide to keep him.

Phasma hesitated with the leash in her hand. “You know Hux won’t be happy if permanent harm comes to him.”

“You act like I’m going to take one of his fingers. Just hand him over.” Snoke said in irritation.

With what could have been a look of apology, Phasma handed Kylo’s leash over to Snoke. Snoke didn’t hesitate, yanking the leash so hard Kylo almost choked and walking down the hallway. Kylo managed to sneak one look behind him for Phasma. She had already gone into her room. He was stuck with this man for now.

Snoke walked fast, his hold on the leash pulling Kylo’s collar so tight it was hard to breathe. He hurried as fast as he could, but because of his hands being tied behind his back, he was a little off-balance. Snoke didn’t tolerate any lagging either. Any time he felt any slack in the leash, he would yank it so hard Kylo was pulled off balance and couldn’t help but choking. By the time they made it through half the bunker and into a back room, Kylo felt dizzy.

Snoke shoved him down onto his knees so hard he smacked his shin against the ground. Kylo cried out and his eyes began to water, but he made sure not to move. Snoke dropped the leash and closed the door behind them. He began circling Kylo restlessly, staring down at him with an intent look on his face. Kylo thought it might be dangerous to look this man in the eye, so he kept his eyes on the ground. Blind panic was starting to crawl up his throat. He didn’t know what Snoke wanted from him. He couldn’t see an angle he could take to avoid pain. Hux liked Kylo to be sweet and open, Phasma liked him a little snarky, but Snoke? Kylo couldn’t figure it out. It seemed like maybe he just wanted Kylo to be in pain.

“Phasma tells me you’re very well-behaved. Is that true?” Snoke said suddenly, towering over Kylo with his feet planted.

Kylo felt his skin crawl. He made sure to keep his eyes on Snoke’s feet, his back bowed. He sensed his survival depended on being as submissive as possible. He nodded carefully, wishing desperately that Hux was here to protect him.

Snoke laughed. It was a thin, wheezing, unpleasant sound. It made Kylo shiver. “So, you’re Ben Organa. I wonder what your mother would think if she could see you. The General, they call her. I would bet she’d be disgusted to see her son like this, a slave. Good for nothing except what your master wants out of you. An empty hole. Is that what you are?”

Kylo started blinking tears out of his eyes. It wasn’t like this man said at all. He wasn’t Ben, he was Kylo. And Hux loved him, cared about him. He _mattered_ to Hux. He made him food, kept his house clean, kept him satisfied. He was precious to Hux, he was loved. But he knew Snoke didn’t want to hear any of that. He needed to give Snoke what he wanted to hear. He nodded again.

“Prove it.” Snoke demanded.

By now, Kylo was filled with a bone-deep aversion to open-ended orders. When he wasn’t told exactly what to do, it was so easy to make a mistake, to get himself in trouble. He had been slowly and systematically trained out of one of his basic human impulses: the desire for freedom. He liked lines now, order, structure. He was never more relaxed than when he was fulfilling an order to the letter, secure in the knowledge that he was doing what Hux wanted.

He froze, looking at Snoke’s shoes. He didn’t know what that meant. How was he supposed to prove it? Snoke had put him on his knees, so he knew he shouldn’t get up, his hands were tied behind his back, he was forbidden from speaking. What was he supposed to do?

Before Snoke could comment on the fact that he was stalling, Kylo leaned down, completely off-balance because of his hands. He did this slowly, but Snoke made no indication that he should stop. His stomach churning in disgust, Kylo pressed his lips to the toe of Snoke’s boot.

Snoke laughed again, a low, throaty chuckle. It was an unhealthy sound. Kylo wanted to be as far away from this man as possible. “Maybe you’ll show some promise after all.”

He reached down and Kylo tensed, but he was just unclipping his hands and removing the leash. Kylo clasped his hands in his lap obediently and didn’t move. _Please just go_, he thought to himself. _Go to dinner and leave me alone, please just leave me alone_.

Snoke moved away from him, and Kylo chanced a peek up. Snoke walked over to a metal table that looked like it would be right at home in a morgue. He tapped it with one leathery finger. “Up, boy. On your back.”

Kylo got to his feet and walked over to the table, dread curdling his stomach. Although it went against every conditioned instinct in him, he thought very seriously about running. The knowledge that he would just be dragged back in here and punished stopped him. He hopped up on the table, gasping a little at the cold against his skin. He lay back on the table and looked up at the dull, gray ceiling.

Snoke walked over still holding the leash in one hand. A sadistic gleam was in his eye, and Kylo knew it meant nothing good for him.

“I want to test how thoroughly you’ve been trained. It can be so hard to tell when someone is truly obedient and when they’re just… pretending. So we’re going to do a little experiment.” Snoke said, breath wheezing.

Kylo couldn’t help looking at him now. His stomach felt loose with fear. There was something very wrong with this man, and he was completely at his mercy, the only thing holding him back the distant threat of Hux’s retribution if he ever found out.

“I give you an order, you obey, yes?” Snoke asked.

Kylo felt his heartbeat in his ear. He nodded cautiously.

“Good. Now. Hands at your sides. Don’t move.” Snoke said.

Kylo straightened out, pressing his palms to the metal table at his side. Snoke watched him and then smiled. His eyes were gleaming and some of his teeth were yellow. Kylo was petrified. Snoke lifted his hands. He was still holding the leash, but it had been tied into a loop, almost… almost a noose.

Kylo’s blood ran cold, but he stayed still while Snoke lifted his head and slipped it over his head. It came to rest just above his collar on his throat, the weight of the knot pressing against the dip in his neck. Kylo swallowed nervously but didn’t move. It took everything he had.

Snoke looked like he was relishing the fear on Kylo’s face. He wrapped one end of the leash securely around his fist and prepared to pull the knot tight. He did it slowly, deliberately, knowing how nervous he was making Kylo.

“Don’t move.” Snoke warned again before pulling the knot tight.

The pressure around his windpipe immediately cut off his air. Kylo stiffened and jerked, but he managed to keep his hands at his sides. He stared up at Snoke’s gleaming eyes, wondering how long he would have to endure. Surely not too long, right? He didn’t want to _kill_ him… right?

It didn’t take long before the pain began to overwhelm the circuits in Kylo’s brain. His lungs started to burn, and clawing, blind panic was scratching at the back of his mind. His hands were claws, but he grabbed his own pants, managing to stay still. He stared beseechingly up at Snoke. He’d shown his loyalty, he’d demonstrated his blind obedience. Snoke had to stop soon, right?

Kylo’s body began to take over his upper brain functions. He started to gasp fruitlessly for air. His feet began to drum on the table. Black spots were dancing in front of his vision. He waited for Snoke to release him.

Snoke didn’t look like he was going to. He was pulling tight on the leash, studying every micro expression on Kylo’s face like he was a particularly interesting insect.

Kylo choked. His hands lifted off the table of their own volition, and then he forced them back down to the table again. It took more force of will than anything else he had ever done.

Snoke saw this and laughed cruelly. “You’re just going to let me choke the life out of you, aren’t you? Spineless creature.”

This broke through any control Kylo had over his basic instincts. His hands came up to pull against Snoke’s. Enough was enough. He _had _to let him go. He _had to_.

Snoke simply bore down harder.

In an instant, Kylo lost any hold on himself. Brute instinct took over. Gibbering panic filled his head immediately. His fingers began to tear desperately at Snoke’s, pulling and tearing to no avail. His vision was starting to tunnel and he couldn’t _think_, he couldn’t _breathe_, he was going to die if he didn’t get out of here right now _right now_ _RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW!_

Kylo bucked and thrashed and tore to no avail at Snoke. Desperate, choking sounds escaped from his mouth. He kicked so hard Snoke lost his grip for a moment and Kylo’s upper body came halfway up. He wasn’t as strong as Hux. Snoke rushed forward and _shoved_ Kylo back down onto the table, squeezing his windpipe shut with all his strength.

Kylo choked. He could feel his arms and legs begin to lose their strength, although his mind was still just as active as ever. This was singularly the most terrifying sensation of his life. Kylo became convinced in this moment he was going to die.

Kylo’s arms and legs fell to his sides, and he began to twitch spasmodically, his vision tunneling to a singular point. His consciousness began to go dark.

Just before he completely lost consciousness, Snoke loosened the noose and pulled it off his neck.

Kylo heaved in a breath like his life depended on it, which it did. Air rushed into his lungs and set his mind floating. All he could do for what felt like forever was cough and retch and try to breathe. His head felt like an anvil on his neck, his throat felt like a swollen balloon, his lungs felt like they were full of glass.

Everything hurt. His eyes felt like they were about to pop like grapes. Eventually, he managed to get the strength to roll onto his side and curl up a little bit. He could not stop coughing. His throat was a column of fire.

After what felt like hours, his mind came back to him enough for him to notice that Snoke was just standing watching all of this with an amused look on his face. Kylo whooped in another breath and just focused on keeping it in his lungs for more than a few seconds. He felt like he could never get enough air.

Eventually, Kylo managed to get his breath back, although his throat was mottled and swollen. It would be covered in bruises in the morning. He inched as far away from Snoke as he could on the table, his heart still pounding in his chest.

Snoke was busy unknotting the leash and setting it aside. He spoke finally. “I didn’t think so. Hux was far too soft on you. Now, if _I_ had broken you in, you would have allowed me to choke the life out of you. You would have been happy to do it, because it’s what I wanted.”

Kylo curled in on himself and shook. He was afraid to touch his neck, afraid of what it would feel like. It felt mangled beyond recognition, but he was still breathing, so he was sure that couldn’t be the case. He felt sick, and thought for a few moments that he might vomit, but ultimately managed to get it under control.

Snoke came over and dragged Kylo off the table and onto the ground. Kylo had absolutely no power to resist. His head swum, his legs were jelly, and the only sound he could seem to make was a dry, clicking sound. Without warning, Snoke pulled his shirt over his head, then pushed him to the floor and removed his pants too. Kylo moaned, trying to get away from him, but his movements were still too sluggish, too uncoordinated.

Snoke chained his left hand to his right ankle, and his right hand to his left ankle, leaving him in a tight ball on the ground. He then connected a chain from a ring embedded in the wall to the back of Kylo’s harness. He had about two feet of slack, just enough to lay on the ground. About all Kylo could handle was just trying to breathe.

Before Snoke left, he filled a metal bowl with water and put it on the ground next to Kylo, like a dog dish. “I can’t be bothered babying you, so if you’re thirsty, drink. Otherwise, you’re not getting any. You’ve wasted enough of my time.” Snoke snapped, giving Kylo a kick before leaving the room. He turned the light off and slammed the door behind him, plunging Kylo into complete darkness.

Kylo managed to lean against the wall, and he discovered he had tears dripping down his chin. He missed Hux it felt like a burning obsession. He hoped beyond hope that Hux would come rescue him soon. That thin hope was all that he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I told y'all Snoke was bad news. I'm on Kylo's side here. Even I kind of miss Hux, the bastard lmao. He'll be back soon enough, don't worry. As always thanks so much for sticking with me through this story. You guys are what keep me going :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty heavy content warning for this one: Attempted rape. If you've been reading so far, I'm sure you can guess who it is. Ultimately, nothing happens, but it's a pretty heavy, traumatic scene. I promise, this is as bad as it'll ever get. Things will look up soon. If this will bother you, please stay cautious.
> 
> If you need to skip it, skip everything from "He appeared to be in a bedroom of some kind" through "With no warning, a gunshot echoed through the room".

By the time Snoke came back hours later, Kylo was floating in a haze of pain. It hadn’t taken long for his throat to swell almost completely shut to the point where it became incredibly difficult to breathe. The way he was tied up, chest forced against his knees, didn’t help one bit.

It had taken all he had to shimmy his way over to the water bowl. With only the use of his head, he had managed to tip the bowl up, spilling half the water on the floor. He lapped at the water, letting some of it drip down his throat by tilting his head back. There was absolutely no way he would be able to swallow. He could barely turn his head. The water wasn’t enough, but he struggled to keep down even the little that he was given. He was grateful Snoke had even thought to give him water at all.

He didn’t know if he slept, but he dozed a little bit, floating on his wave of pain. Every time he came close to actually falling asleep, his mangled, swollen throat would wake him up.

He came back to attention upon hearing footsteps coming down the hallway. Kylo hoped desperately it was Phasma, but when the door opened, he was horrified to see it was Snoke again.

The best Kylo could do was scooch back so his back was pressed against the wall. His chains clinked together in the silence, and his limbs ached from their position. He felt the burning coal of fear in his stomach as he watched Snoke approach. The man wasn’t going to choke him again, surely? He wouldn’t be able to survive another assault like that, especially so soon.

Snoke looked down at him like an insect. Kylo wheezed, scrambling back on his heels. He wanted to disappear.

“You really are just a pathetic little thing, aren’t you? I wonder why Hux keeps you around. You must be a really good fuck.”

Kylo couldn’t answer, but luckily, Snoke didn’t expect him to. He reached down and unchained Kylo from the wall, releasing his arms and legs. Kylo stretched carefully, massaging his sore wrists and looking studiously at Snoke’s knees. He didn’t know whether Snoke would be angry if he made eye contact, but he wasn’t going to risk it. He had to struggle to get air into his lungs. His throat seemed to have decided to close up again. He couldn’t stop shaking.

Snoke reached over to the table and grabbed the leash again. Kylo had a violent reaction, scrambling back until his back hit the wall. A whining sound emerged from his mangled throat. Not again. He couldn’t do it again. What did Snoke _want_?

Snoke seemed amused by Kylo’s fear. He laughed, a throaty, phlegmy sound. “Come here. _Now_.”

Alarm bells were going off in Kylo’s head. His belly felt slick with fear, and his vision seemed to be tunneling. He didn’t want to be choked again. He’d do anything Snoke wanted to keep that from happening. But he also knew he had no choice. Hux wasn’t here. Phasma wasn’t here. That meant Snoke was in charge. Reluctantly, he moved, settling on his knees in front of Snoke.

Snoke reached down, and Kylo stiffened, closing his eyes. To his inexpressible relief, he felt Snoke clipping the leash to the back of his harness instead of tying it around his neck again. He almost collapsed to the floor in gratitude.

Snoke didn’t wait. He wrapped the leash around his wrist and started walking out of the room, simply expecting Kylo to follow. Kylo scrambled forward on his hands and knees. Initially, he tried to get to his feet, but Snoke’s hand was held firmly at the level of his waist, making it impossible for Kylo to stand up all the way. Clearly, he was expected to crawl.

He did, his bare knees aching where they slid across the cold concrete. It was freezing in this bunker, and Kylo was still unclothed, making goosebumps break out all over his skin. He tried to keep up with Snoke’s pace, but the sudden exertion made his throat close up again. Before too long, he was wheezing a little in his attempt to catch his breath. Snoke didn’t seem to notice, just kept dragging Kylo along behind him.

They entered a small kitchenette, and Snoke tied his leash to the handle on the oven, leaving Kylo hovering on his knees, not enough slack to sit. Kylo wrapped his arms around his waist and shook from the cold, desperately wishing for some clothes or a blanket.

Snoke seemed to have completely lost interest in him after he left him there. He started moving around the kitchen, starting coffee and digging in the fridge for some eggs and bacon. He reached right over Kylo’s head and put a pan on the stove, starting the heat.

Kylo tried to hunker down as best as he could to get out of the way, but there was nowhere for him to go. Snoke kept jostling him as he started cooking. Kylo had his head down, but he still jumped when drops of hot oil from the pan spattered across his neck and shoulders. He must have made a sound because without warning, Snoke hit him across the shoulder blades with the base of a wooden spoon, striking bone. Kylo yelped and fell against the oven door. His back blazed with pain.

“Be quiet or I’ll make you be quiet. I shouldn’t have to tell you that.” Snoke snapped at him.

Kylo endured the rest of Snoke making breakfast in silence. Three more times, hot oil spattered him, but he clamped his mouth shut and determined not to make a sound. His knees were aching and he longed to sit down on the ground. At one point, Snoke held a plate out to Kylo and ordered him to hold it while he piled the eggs and bacon onto it. Kylo’s stomach growled at the smell of the food. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, and Snoke didn’t seem to be making any move towards giving him anything to eat. He stared at the food longingly, but obediently handed the plate back untouched when Snoke asked for it.

Snoke was just turning the stove off and setting plates on the table when Phasma came in, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She caught sight of Kylo by the stove and her eyebrows rose in surprise. Kylo looked at her pleadingly, silently asking for help. He would much rather be under Phasma’s thumb than Snoke’s. Phasma was tough but ultimately fair, while Snoke just seemed to want to cause as much pain as possible.

Phasma gave Kylo another look and then sat down at the table, ankle crossed over one knee. She took coffee wordlessly from Snoke and began to sip it. “So, did you think any more about what I said last night? I’d do it myself, but half of my guys are dead, and the other half are in the wind.”

Snoke sat down across from her at the table and shrugged. “Hux got himself into this mess and he is fully capable of getting himself out of it. I will not be endangering my men to pull him out of the fire.”

Phasma tapped a finger on the table. “He mentioned he could use the help. And you’re just as much to blame as he is. We were too comfortable in our superiority. We all let the Resistance get a foothold in our business. It’s nobody’s fault. We were complacent. It’s been so long since we’ve had a real competitor we didn’t take it seriously when we should have. We were lazy.”

Kylo clung to this little bit of information on Hux. He was in trouble? He needed help? He just wished that there was something he could do to protect Hux. He would do anything within his power to help. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much that was in his power to do.

Snoke glared at her. “I’m done talking about this. Eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.”

Phasma sighed but started eating. Snoke and Phasma worked their way through the plate of food in silence. Kylo watched them from his awkward position by the oven, hoping he was going to get some. Despite the fact that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to swallow anything, he was starving. Having to watch them eat in front of him was a casual cruelty he thought he should be used to by now, but it still hurt.

Phasma finished eating first, and she leaned back in her seat, looking over at Kylo again. “What the hell happened to him?”

Snoke didn’t even bother looking at him, too busy finishing off his plate. “For the time being, he is mine to do with as I will, and I decided he didn’t particularly need clothes. I think you’ll agree, he makes a more pleasant picture this way, no?”

Kylo blushed and did his best to angle his body away from Snoke.

Phasma was unimpressed. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. His throat is covered in bruises. Looks like you tried to throttle him to death.”

Snoke wasn’t even looking at her, completely unmoved. “That’s because I did.”

Phasma eyed Snoke. “He do something to deserve it? Mouth off? Try to run or something?”

Snoke looked up at her. “No. He’s pretty. I wanted to see what he would look like gasping for air. Do you have a problem with that?”

Phasma shrugged. “Me? No. But Hux will, and I think-”

Snoke scoffed and waved a hand. “I am sick of hearing what Hux will or will not do. He’s not here. And, I will remind you, he works for me. As do you.”

The contemptuous look Phasma sent him clearly said ‘_For now’_. She shrugged like it was of no consequence to her. “I’m just telling you. Hux does not like it when people touch his things. I think you might want to keep that in mind.”

Snoke sneered at her. “I am not particularly concerned. Hux may not be around for very much longer, and in that case, Ben’s ownership would transfer to me.”

Kylo went cold. _What?_ Hux would never allow that to happen, surely. There was nothing that Hux couldn’t control. Even though the situation seemed dire, he had promised Kylo that he was coming back, so that’s what he would do. What Hux wanted, went. Kylo clung to that ideal with feverish intensity, because the alternative was unthinkable.

Phasma shook her head and stood up. “Well, it’s on your head. Here.” She walked over to Kylo and handed him her plate, which had the demolished remains of toast, half an egg, and one and a half slices of bacon, slightly burnt. Kylo looked up at her and his eyes swum with gratitude. He would have thanked her, but he didn’t want to make Snoke angry. She patted him on the head and turned to the sink.

Snoke was watching this display with his mouth downturned. When Kylo reached for a piece of bacon, he snapped. “_No_.”

Kylo cringed and stopped what he was doing, looking at Snoke with wide eyes.

“If you have to eat, you can do it off the floor. Dump it on the ground and hand Phasma the plate.” Snoke demanded.

Kylo wavered. He really didn’t want to, but disobeying was just not worth it, so he moved to do it. Phasma stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. She was looking at Snoke with disgust.

“Come on, man. Off the floor? That’s disgusting. There’s no need for that.”

Snoke ignored her. He was staring daggers at Kylo. “Do it, Ben. Now.”

Before he could do anything, Phasma interrupted him. “No. Leave it on the plate.”

Kylo tasted bile. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never received two conflicting orders before, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He was more inclined to listen to Phasma, but Snoke’s retaliation scared him more.

In the end, he just froze, holding the plate and looking between his two handlers. They were glaring daggers at each other. His instincts toward submission were running rampant all over the place. He waited for further orders.

Snoke spoke first. “I will remind you that you work for me, Phasma. That means you follow my orders. If I wanted, I could kick you out of my bunker right now.”

Phasma seemed remarkably unintimidated. She raised an eyebrow. “And I will remind _you_ how much you need me. Sure, I work for you, and so does Hux. But you are lying to yourself if you think you’d last a day without me. The First Order will completely fall apart if I’m not there to keep it together. So go ahead. Tell me to fuck off.”

Snoke was sending Phasma such a murderous look that would have Kylo rolling over right away but didn’t seem to phase Phasma in the slightest.

“Whatever.” Snoke spat and turned back to his food.

Phasma smiled grimly in satisfaction. She turned to Kylo again. “Go ahead. Eat your food.”

Kylo could have kissed her he was so relieved. He started scarfing down the food as quickly as he could, afraid that it would be taken away from him at any moment. It was almost impossible to swallow, but he did his best. Phasma took the plate from him when he was done.

They stayed in Snoke’s bunker for two days. After the showdown at breakfast, Snoke was so irritated that humiliating Kylo seemed to have lost some of its fun.

He dragged him back to the storage room and tied him up, opting to leave him there instead. Snoke ordered Kylo to clasp his arms behind his back, fingers to elbows. Ropes were attached to his wrist cuffs and knotted around his forearms, then tied to the ring on the back of his harness, leaving his chest exposed. More rope was tied from his harness around his upper arms and then back around to his harness, so he didn’t have any leverage to move his arms. Two leather straps were buckled right above his knees. His knees and ankles were clipped together. Kylo choked a little when a gag was buckled securely onto his head, and then Snoke blindfolded him, knotting it securely behind his head. He was left on the table in the room, short chains clipped to his collar, front of his harness, and knees so he couldn’t roll off. Snoke ruffled his hair roughly and then left him there.

Once Snoke left the room, Kylo wriggled around in his restraints, trying to find a somewhat comfortable position and not finding one. He felt horribly exposed lying on this table in this cold room like this. He hated being blindfolded and left alone, the only thing that made it bearable was when Hux was there to usher him through it, letting him know with small touches here and there on his body that he wasn’t alone. Kylo pressed his forehead against the cool table and breathed out through his nose, missing Hux so terribly it was hard to think about anything else. Hux would never do this to him. Sure, he might tie him up and punish him if he’d done something wrong, but not like this, not this arbitrary cruelty for no reason. No matter how angry Hux got, Kylo knew that underneath it all, he loved him. He didn’t have any of that reassurance with Snoke.

It didn’t take long before it became a little hard to breathe. The combination of his mangled throat, pressure on his chest, and the gag forcing his mouth open made it difficult for Kylo to get air into his lungs. His breath wheezed in and out, and the shredded lining of his throat pulsed in agony.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Phasma and Snoke had been talking about. Hux was in trouble, but Snoke refused to help him? This made Kylo so angry on behalf of Hux. By not helping, Snoke was actively preventing him from seeing Hux as soon as he wanted. Kylo tried not to let himself give into despair. Hux had promised that he would see him again, and his only choice was to trust him. The thought of Hux failing, and Kylo then belonging to Snoke, was too horrible to bear. If there was anything he’d learned recently, it was that things could always get worse.

Snoke pretty much left Kylo there for the next two days. He occasionally came back to feed him or give him a bathroom break, untying him just enough to give him a chance to stretch a little, but it was never for long. Once Snoke left, Kylo was always tied down again without a word. Kylo’s muscles began to ache, and he longed to be able to stretch his legs out, close his mouth, even roll his shoulders. His restraints quickly became unbearable, but he had no way to ask for relief.

Kylo quickly lost track of time. At one point, he thought it was Phasma who came to give him a break, because the hands moving him around felt different. Snoke had a permanently unhealthy tremble in his hands; the skin felt infirm, like it was going to slough off the bones. Phasma’s felt different. Her hands were broader, stronger, the skin over the pads of her fingers calloused. No words were spoken and his blindfold was not removed, but Kylo thought it was Phasma because the hands untying him and walking him around the room were gentler. He was really allowed to stretch, for what felt like almost twenty minutes. Snoke never gave him more than five. He made a muffled sound of appreciation and nuzzled closer to Phasma. He heard her laugh softly.

When he felt her starting to tie him up again, he panicked. He couldn’t help it. He’d been tied up like this for _so long_, alone. He didn’t want to go back to that. He could be useful, he could. Phasma just had to tell him what to do, and he’d do it. Anything to make her happy. He started to struggle a little in her grip, and he tried to get words out from behind the gag in his mouth, but couldn’t manage anything except dumb, grunting sounds. Phasma easily subdued him, tying his hands again and pushing him face-down onto the table. As she finished doing up the straps, Kylo felt tears start to soak his blindfold. He wanted to be useful. They didn’t have to leave him in here like an object without a purpose.

Phasma pushed his head down gently and clipped the front of his collar to the table. He moaned weakly, trying to dislodge the gag with all his might. “Sorry, kid, but Snoke wants you like this, and I’m not being paid enough to argue with him. If it were up to me, you could stay in my room.”

Kylo wailed hoarsely, fingers clenching into fists uselessly as she walked out the door. He collapsed bonelessly, feeling lonely, unwanted. They’d turned him into a creature who needed validation, orders, rules. Leaving him here unused was tantamount to torture.

As it did whenever he was tied up and blindfolded, time gained a weird, swimmy quality. Kylo had no idea how long he’d been here, but it must have been hours. At some point, he must have drifted into sleep, and when he woke up again, it could have been night or day, he had no way of knowing. He rubbed his head against his shoulder. He hated blindfolds more than anything else, but he couldn’t get it loose.

Sometime later, Snoke came back. Kylo could tell it was him from the way he walked. Kylo lay there unmoving as his restraints were slowly removed, one by one. He wanted to show that he could be good, so he didn’t take his chance to sit up, waiting until he received an order.

“Stand up.” Snoke ordered suddenly.

Kylo scrambled to obey, pushing himself up with tingling arms. All the blood rushed to his head when he stood up, but he managed it. Snoke had removed everything except for the blindfold and gag, which he made no move to do now. Kylo jumped a little when the leash was clipped to the front of his collar. The swelling in his throat had gone down enough that this was no longer torturous, but he still had bruises on his neck that would take a long time to go away.

Snoke started walking, pulling Kylo along behind him. Kylo trotted blind along behind him. He was afraid of bashing his head into a wall or tripping over something, and he thought briefly of removing his blindfold now that his hands were free. He quickly dismissed the idea. That kind of impulse would get him absolutely nowhere. He settled for walking with his hands held out protectively in front of him.

Snoke led him along for about a minute until they entered a room. Kylo heard the door being closed behind him. He stood where he was left, a little nervous. He wondered where Phasma was.

Snoke walked up slowly behind him. “Is there a reason why you’re still standing?” He said, tone low and dangerous.

Kylo wasted no time getting on his knees. He was more comfortable down here anyway. Snoke unclipped the leash and then unknotted the blindfold. Kylo blinked carefully as the blurry room around him solidified into a real image. Whenever his sight returned after a long time blindfolded, it always felt like the world was reassembling itself in front of his eyes.

He appeared to be in a bedroom of some kind. Probably Snoke’s. The room was bare, only stocked with the essentials. Phasma was nowhere to be seen. Kylo glanced nervously around and then back at Snoke, who was settling himself on the end of his bed.

Kylo risked a glance up. Snoke was looking at him with dark eyes. They were filled with exactly what Kylo was afraid he was going to see: lust. “My, my, you do make a fine picture. Me and Hux have our disagreements, but I will admit that he has taste.”

Kylo’s heartbeat started to ramp up. He could see where this was going, and he didn’t like it. Phasma had the wherewithal to stop at only a kiss, but he couldn’t trust that Snoke would do the same. It was just the two of them in here, and he was still gagged, which meant he wouldn’t be able to shout for Phasma. What else was he going to do? Say no? Resist? The very thought of it made him weak at the knees. No, he was here at the mercy of whatever Snoke wanted to do with him.

Snoke was breathing heavily. “I have been thinking all day of what to do with you, and I just couldn’t decide. I have you all to myself, and I could do _anything_.”

Kylo’s eyes jumped up to Snoke’s in shock at hearing it stated so plainly. Panic was turning his blood to acid. He wanted to run, wanted to scream. He just wanted Hux here.

Snoke groaned at the look of fear on his face. The sight sent Kylo inching back just a little bit, although he didn’t dare go far.

“I think that once you belong to me, I’m going to blind you. I really don’t see the point of you being able to see. Gives you too many opportunities to escape. If Hux wasn’t so soft, he would have done it already.” Snoke hissed.

Kylo whimpered, although whether it was at the thought of belonging to Snoke or the threat of being blinded he wasn’t sure.

“And that tongue of yours. I don’t think you’ll be needing that either. When I have my way, you won’t ever be given a chance to speak. I don’t think that you deserve the privilege of speaking.” Snoke said. His eyes were alight with malice.

Sound seemed to be rushing past Kylo’s ears at an accelerated rate. His stomach curdled and he couldn’t stop himself from moving closer to the door this time. He was terrified of this man, absolutely terrified, and even his bone-deep training was having a hard time keeping him from bolting.

All of Kylo’s resolve went out the window when Snoke stood up. Kylo felt a bolt of fear and scrambled to his feet, hand reaching for the door. He tried to turn the handle and was horrified to discover that it was locked. He was stuck in here. With Snoke.

Snoke’s voice behind him sent a shiver all the way down his spine. “You see? You’re not completely broken after all, or you wouldn’t even think of trying to leave me.”

_You’re not him. I belong to Hux and only Hux. He never threatened to rape me, that’s the difference. He would never do that to me_, Kylo would have said if he was able, scattered thought rushing around in his head. He turned to look at Snoke, pressing as close to the far wall as possible.

“Lie on the bed.” Snoke ordered. When Kylo didn’t move, he frowned. “If I have to tell you again, I won’t wait for Hux to be gone to take your tongue.”

Kylo started walking slowly, reluctantly, towards the bed. Every step felt like he was sinking into the ground. His mind was racing, trying to think of anything, anything at all, that he could do to get out of this. But there was nothing. His only hope was Phasma telling Snoke to stop, but he couldn’t call out for her. Short of physically fighting back, there was nothing he could do. And all resistance in that realm had been beaten out of him long ago.

Gingerly, Kylo got onto the bed, feeling the sheets rustle against his bare skin. His skin was crawling, but he was locked into a nightmare. All he could do was follow orders.

Kylo hugged his knees to his chest, wishing desperately that he wasn’t naked, that he had even an _inch_ of cover. He watched Snoke turn on him, cheeks red and eyes bright with arousal. Why did everyone always have to _look_ at him like that?

When Snoke started moving toward the bed, Kylo’s panic came rocketing back. He reached to the back of his head, and his fingers started scrambling at the buckle to the gag in his mouth. If he could just manage to scream, just _once_, maybe Phasma would come save him.

Snoke advanced towards Kylo. “Oh, no you _don’t_.” He snapped, ripping Kylo’s hands away and hitting him on the face. Kylo fell back with a hoarse shout and Snoke pinned his hands above his head by those ever-helpful wrist cuffs. For the first time in a long time, Kylo wished desperately that he wasn’t so easy to restrain, that his body was not so adorned with handles and rings for people to grab and tie him down with and make use of. He bucked with his hips, biting down on the gag in his mouth and grunting in frustration.

With deft movements, Snoke threaded the leash through the rings on Kylo’s wrist cuffs, knotting it tight and tying the other end to the bedpost, leaving Kylo’s hands pulled above his head. Kylo howled and thrashed, trying hard to get free.

Snoke hit him again. “Be quiet!” He hissed, seemingly out of breath from restraining Kylo. He wasn’t nearly as good at it as Hux was.

Kylo turned his head to the side and started crying when Snoke leaned over him again, hot breath rushing over his face. He was still standing by the bed. He started by touching the bruises around Kylo’s neck. They blazed with pain, and Kylo whimpered, squirming to get away from his tormentor.

Snoke was oblivious to his distress. He seemed entranced with the brand over Kylo’s heart. He traced it with his fingers. “I’ll have to get rid of _this_, of course. I can just burn over it. It won’t do to have you remembering past masters.”

A bolt of fear rushed through Kylo at the thought of Hux’s mark being removed from his skin. _No_. Hux _gave_ that to him. It was a mark of his devotion, his claim on Kylo. Snoke couldn’t just take that away from him. He didn’t understand. Kylo’s loyalty couldn’t just be transferred so easily like money into a checking account. He wasn’t just some mindless drone programmed to follow orders. He was Hux’s. Nobody else’s. It was as simple as that.

“A collar is all well and good, of course, but I think you need more. I could lend you out, even. You could make me so much fucking money. Anyone would kill to get their hands on you. Fuck, why didn’t I think of something like this before?” Snoke’s voice was getting progressively more ragged as he went on.

Kylo was absolutely petrified in terror. Snoke was fucking _crazy_, and he was just realizing how much. If Hux didn’t come back soon, he would be stuck with this man. He didn’t even want to _think_ about something like that. He was worried he was going to vomit or something. He had to get out of here, he had to tell Phasma, he had to _beg_ her on his hands and knees not to let him out of her sight until Hux came back, please please, she couldn’t leave him alone with Snoke anymore.

Kylo couldn’t look anymore. He stared up at the ceiling. He wasn’t going to be able to stop himself from screaming when there was a knock on the door. Kylo gasped and lifted his head, hope flaring into life. _Phasma_?

He heaved in a breath to start wailing, but Snoke surged up and pressed a hand around his throat. Just the feeling of his fingers digging into his neck was enough to silence him. Kylo blinked obsessively, tears streaking down his face. “_Stay quiet_.” Snoke hissed at him, spittle spraying his face.

“What is it?” He shouted in irritation.

Phasma’s voice came muffled through the door. “Snoke, I know it’s late, but I think you’d better come. We just got a call.”

“I’m a little busy right now. It can wait until morning!” Snoke called.

“It was Hux. The Resistance set up a siege on his house. He managed to get away, but he’s on his way here. He said he’d call again in half an hour. You need to be there for it.” Phasma said.

Kylo’s heart soared. Hux? Hux was on his way here? Now? He could have cried in relief.

Snoke looked a little less overjoyed. He glared down at Kylo as if this were somehow his fault. “He is _not_ leading a bunch of Resistance fighters to my front doorstep. I will not allow it!”

Phasma began to sound irritated. “Well, you’ll have to tell him yourself. Come on. He’ll be calling again soon. We need to be ready.”

Snoke stumbled to the door, getting himself back in order before opening the door to Phasma. “Alright, _alright_. I’m coming. You’ll have to give me about ten minutes.”

Phasma stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. Her eyes slid in and met Kylo’s from where he was lying on Snoke’s bed. She saw the blood from where he’d been struck, the tears, the terror in his eyes. A frown line appeared on her forehead. She did not look happy about this development. “Make it five. We have to get a move on. We don’t have time for you to have _fun_.” She spat in disgust.

Snoke drew himself up to his full height, which wasn’t very much compared to Phasma. “Yes, yes. I need to put him away. I can’t very well leave him in my room all night, can I?”

Kylo nearly felt boneless with relief. He’d gotten a reprieve. Even better than that. Hux was on his way here. Now. And once he was here, he would never allow Snoke to touch him again.

Phasma still looked unhappy. “Yeah, you’d better see you don’t.”

The door closed and Snoke was turning back to him when there was a far-away buzzing sound, something like a doorbell. Snoke paused and looked back at the door. He growled. “If that’s Hux at the door, I’m going to tear him limb from limb. How _dare_ he think he can just show up at my home? If he does, he’s got another thing coming.”

Snoke ripped the door open and slammed it behind him, hustling down the hallway. His footsteps faded and then disappeared. He seemed to have forgotten Kylo’s existence entirely, which was just fine with him. Kylo pushed up with his heels so he was sitting up on the bed. He was shaking with leftover adrenaline, but despite what had just happened, he only had one thought in his head. Hux. Hux. Hux.

He strained his ears. He thought he heard a door slam and loud voices. It was too echoey and far away for him to tell whether it was Hux or not, although he hoped against hope.

He waited, heart pounding, every inch of him dying to go out there and see if it was indeed Hux. He realized that Snoke hadn’t really tied him up very well. He didn’t have enough slack to get his hands free, but he did have enough to unbuckle the gag. He froze for a long moment before doing so, but if Hux came down the hallway and wanted to know where he was, he needed to be able to shout for him. He didn’t trust Snoke to tell Hux where he was. If he got in trouble for taking off the gag, he would bear the consequences gladly, because it was Hux doing so. He trusted Hux implicitly. A little pain was worth getting away from Snoke.

With numb, clumsy fingers, he unbuckled the gag and pulled it out of his mouth, tossing it onto the floor with a grimace and a dry spit. He flexed his jaw, working out the familiar stiffness. He waited on tenterhooks, but he couldn’t hear anything. He didn’t know if that was good news or bad.

More time passed. Eventually, Kylo heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward Snoke’s room. Kylo wriggled around and came to attention. It was Hux. It _had_ to be Hux.

He felt his heart plummet when the door opened and Snoke hustled in. He was flushed and out of breath, his eyes bright with malice. Terror crashed over him again. His heels scrambled against the sheets as he pressed himself against the headboard. He’d thought Hux was here, but clearly something had gone wrong. Maybe Snoke hadn’t let him in, or he’d been hurt or killed in the ambush. Tears rose to Kylo’s eyes.

Snoke wheezed and turned around to face him. Kylo was acutely aware of his vulnerability. Snoke locked the door behind him. Panic began to rise.

Snoke was leering lecherously at him and busy unbuttoning his shirt. Kylo started to shake, his eyes wide.

“I wasn’t expecting Hux back so soon, but he’s here. I thought I would have more time with you, but I suppose I have to take advantage of you while I still can.” Snoke sneered.

Kylo started struggling a little in his bindings, trying to find a weak spot or something, but there wasn’t one. His mouth was free, so he heaved in a breath to start shouting.

Snoke was watching him with a scowl. “Go ahead and scream. It won’t do you any good. Phasma’s gone, she had business to take care of, and Hux is drugged up on so many sleeping pills he won’t wake up until tomorrow morning. He wanted to see you right away, but I slipped some into his drink because I wanted a little time with you. So go ahead. Nobody is going to hear you but me.”

Kylo’s muscles felt watery with fear. He was torn between two impulses. On the one hand, he’d been ordered not to speak under any circumstances, and the thought of disobeying a direct command was terrifying. On the other hand, it seemed like his only chance was to somehow talk Snoke down, if he could.

“S-stay away from me…” Kylo said finally, almost in a whisper. That was all he could manage.

Snoke grinned horribly. “Are you going to stop me?”

Kylo’s mouth opened and closed dumbly.

When Snoke started moving toward him, Kylo lost all his self-composure. “_No!_” He screamed, the vehement protestation shocking himself. He didn’t know he had that kind of fight left in him.

Snoke didn’t listen. He advanced on the bed. Kylo cried and screamed, terror pulsing behind his eyes. Snoke rolled up his sleeves. “By the time I’m done, you won’t even remember that you’re supposed to belong to Hux.”

With no warning, a gunshot echoed through the room. Kylo whipped his head to the side and saw that the lock on the door had been blown out.

Snoke barely had enough time to look over before the door was being kicked open. Hux strode into the room with authority, looking around quickly to judge the situation. His hair was disheveled and he had scratches all over his face from some sort of shrapnel, but he was _here_. He was finally here.

His eyes landed on Snoke and Kylo, and his face darkened with a murderous look. He bared his teeth in a snarl.

“_Hux!_” Kylo choked out, his body sending out so many mixed signals of terror and relief he didn’t know what to do.

Hux’s clenched right fist opened, and he threw a handful of pills on the ground. They scattered everywhere. “Did you really think I was going to be moronic enough to drink anything you gave me, Snoke? Found these on the counter.”

Snoke cursed but didn’t say anything.

Hux took a few steps forward. “You’re going to want to get away from him, Snoke. _Right. Now_.” Hux said in a low voice, the kind of voice he used on Kylo when he had lost any and all patience. He’d tossed aside the gun and held a knife in one hand instead.

Snoke wheezed and stood beside the bed. “I have the right to do what I want with him! You have no grounds to be angry with me about it.”

Every muscle in Hux’s body was pulled taut. Tendons were standing out in his neck. He stalked forward again. “You have no right to touch him. You have no right to even think about him. Now or _ever_.”

Snoke seemed to have gotten over his surprise, and the haughty expression came back to his face. He straightened his shirt cuffs. “I’m sorry to say, but you don’t have a choice, Hux. If you want to stay on my good side, you’re going to need to allow me this one thing. Think of it as a tithe in order to stay here in my home. One night with Ben for the sake of your comfort. He sure looks like he would be worth it.”

Hux was predator still, glaring at Snoke with fire in his eyes. He looked absolutely murderous. His clothes were rumpled from whatever fight he’d been in, his hair was mussed, and he looked nothing like the neatly-put-together man he usually was. This only served to make him look more dangerous. He glanced over to look at Kylo, seeing the bruises around his neck, the demeaning position, the terror. He turned back to Snoke.

Hux stepped up to meet Snoke. The two of them stood eye-to-eye. Snoke pretended at nonchalance, but Kylo could see the slight concern in his eyes. He might pretend otherwise, but he knew how deadly Hux was.

“His name is Kylo, and he belongs to _me_.” Hux hissed. He flipped the knife so its blade was out and advanced on Snoke, backing him up into a wall. “Nobody looks at him without my say so. Nobody touches him but me. You’ve made the last mistake you’re ever going to make.”

Without further warning, Hux stabbed Snoke in the gut, wrenching the knife to the side in a jagged streak. Kylo cried out in shock and fought to sit up. Snoke gurgled in surprise, hand coming up to weakly cover the wound. Blood began to flow.

Snoke stumbled back and fell against the wall. Hux went with him, pulling the knife out and stabbing him again, this time in the chest. Blood spattered his face, his hands, his clothes. His face was twisted in an expression of fury, of pure blind rage.

Snoke bellowed like a stuck pig and tried to charge Hux with his shoulders down. Hux nimbly danced out of the way, swapping the knife into his other hand. “You know what your problem is, Snoke? You’ve never worked for anything a day in your life. You have a complete lack of imagination and you think everybody else is the same. I _worked_ for him, I made him, and you think you can just swoop in at the last second and take him from me? No. You’re a fucking snake. I’ve been wanting to kill you for years. I suppose I should thank you for finally giving me the excuse.”

Snoke panted and swung around. He fell back against the wall. He was trying to hold his intestines in with one hand. The other came up in a placating gesture. “_H-Hux… Please… Let’s talk about this. You’ve made your point, okay? Just, just stop, and we’ll… We can work this out_.”

Hux laughed and stalked forward. He flipped the knife so its blade was up and jammed it into the underside of Snoke’s chin.

Snoke slithered bonelessly to the ground, mouth gaping open and shut stupidly. “You… you _can’t_…” He wheezed, hands trying uselessly to hold himself together, to stop the blood.

Hux stood over him, knife in hand, covered in blood. He gave Snoke one more contemptuous look. “I think it’s time the First Order had a change in leadership, Snoke. Thank you for your service.”

Snoke gurgled and choked, one blood-filled eye trained up at Hux as the life slowly drained from his body. Hux spat on him and then turned to Kylo.

By this time, Kylo had managed to sit up on the bed. He was shaking with leftover fear and relief. He stared at Hux, mouth hanging open. “H-Hux…?”

Hux didn’t respond for a moment. He was still holding the knife in one hand, and he was panting heavily. Blood spattered his face and stained the front of his white dress shirt. His hair was disheveled, and he looked absolutely _murderous_.

Kylo struggled to sit up. His fingers were starting to go a little numb from where they were tied. Adrenaline was still pumping through his veins, and he was worried that Hux hadn’t said anything. “Hux! I’m – I’m so glad you’re _here_, I – I thought that –”

Hux blinked and then his eyes focused on Kylo. He had that furious look on his face that always made Kylo want to roll over and bare his throat. “Did he touch you?” He growled.

Kylo knew the purple bruises on his throat were visible. His conditioned fear response kicked in like it did whenever he thought he might have done something wrong. “He, um, he tried, he, he was going to, but… But you came… I’m sorry, I tried to tell him that you wouldn’t be happy, but he didn’t listen to me. I know I should have tried harder, I do, I-”

Hux took a few steps forward, knife in hand. Kylo froze in place, clamping his mouth shut and lowering his eyes. He blinked tears away. He’d been so relieved that Hux was back, but he’d let him down while he’d been away. He’d allowed Snoke to touch him when he knew he belonged only to Hux and nobody else. His stomach curdled in shame.

Bloodstained Hux stood in front of Kylo and tipped his chin up. His eyes bored deep into Kylo’s. “So he didn’t have sex with you?”

Kylo shook his head minutely, eyes wide. “No. He tried but, no. He just choked me.”

Hux’s face softened ever so slightly. “Good. I’m happy you’re safe. I never wanted you to meet him. Shelter here was really a last resort. You see why. He tried to drug me so I’d be out of the way, but Phasma told me everything, so I only pretended to drink it.”

Kylo bit his lip and gathered his courage to speak. “H-Hux…? Are you… mad at me?”

Hux seemed to realize that he was still holding the knife and the effect that would have on Kylo. He dropped the knife on the ground and untied Kylo. Hux carded his hands through Kylo’s hair on either side of his head. Some of the rage was leaching out of his face and replaced with wistfulness. “Oh, baby, no, of course not.”

Kylo’s lip trembled. “B-but, I let you down…”

Hux cut him off with a kiss. His body was baking feverish heat and stubble rubbed against Kylo’s face. His nose bumped Kylo’s bull ring. He pulled back. “You haven’t let me down. None of that was your fault. I know you would never betray me. Right?”

Kylo shook his head rapidly. “No, never.”

“Oh, I’m so happy to see you. I missed you so much, you have no idea.” Hux gasped, pulling him in and kissing him again.

Hux didn’t let him up for air, but if he had, Kylo would have expressed the same. His head spun and he felt his whole being straining to get closer to Hux. The nightmare was over. He was finally, finally _home_. Hux would take care of him. Hux would never let anyone hurt him like Snoke had ever again. He felt himself relaxing, melting against Hux. He rocked forward, his bare chest brushing against Hux’s shirt. Hux tugged on his tongue piercing with his teeth, pulling a surprised whimper from Kylo.

Eventually, Hux pulled back. Kylo’s head was spinning, and as some of the adrenaline wore off, the full weight of what had just happened rolled over him. He felt his lips trembling and the hot tears spilling over one second before he just started sobbing. He fell against Hux’s chest, burying his head in his shirt, not caring for the moment that it was covered in blood.

Hux wrapped him in a tight hug, stroking his hair with his other hand. “Oh, hey, Kylo, it’s okay… Shh, I’m here now, and nothing happened, right?”

Kylo hiccoughed in a sob and didn’t let go of him. He never wanted to be separated from Hux ever, ever again. “Oh god, I was so _scared_. He was saying that, that, if you died he was going to keep me, and, and I didn’t know what to _do_. I kept worrying that you’d get killed and you’d n-never come back, and I’d be s-stuck here _forever_ and, and, and…” He felt like he couldn’t go on.

Hux pulled him closer, hugging his shaking shoulders tight and kissing the top of his head. He was exceedingly gentle, and why shouldn’t he be? There was nothing he loved more than putting Kylo back together again after he fell apart.

“It’s okay… I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Got it? Just breathe, I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.” Hux soothed the sobbing Kylo. Kylo had never felt so relieved in his entire life. He took what felt like his first real breath in weeks. Bit by bit, he started to calm down. Hux was here, he wasn’t leaving. Things would be okay again. Finally, they could go back to normal.

Hux and Kylo were so wrapped up in each other that neither noticed the distant, faraway sound of shouting and gunfire. It sounded like somebody was trying to break in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never thought I'd say this, but it's a damn good thing Hux is here. Good riddance to bad rubbish and all that. Shit's going to go down in the next chapter. It's certainly not the last chapter, there's plenty more to go, but it's certainly momentous. We are getting very close to the endgame here.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: Super dubious consent, a bit more than usual. I don't know if it's really necessary to warn on particular chapters, but better overwarning then underwarning, I suppose.

Leia sat in the car five hundred yards away from the door to the bunker. There were four carloads of men standing around outside smoking and shooting the shit. After the ambush on Hux’s house, in which Hux had killed some of her men and she’d killed some of his, Hux had fled here, just as she knew he would. His men followed Hux, and Leia followed them in turn.

She knew by now tricking Hux was no easy thing to do. However solid her plan was, however much she thought she had him backed him into a corner, he would always find a way to slither out from under her, leaving her hands empty. Yet again. The only way around it was to count on that slippery nature of his, to plan for it.

She _expected_ him to escape from the ambush at his house. Even if she had managed to capture him, she foresaw torturing him to give up Ben’s location would be no easy task. He was not the type who would break easily, if ever. However, making him think he’d escaped by the skin of his teeth, and allow him to lead her back to her son… Now that might work.

Now, she sat with her brother beside her, looking at the competition. It was stiff, but Hux’s forces were severely depleted after the house. Leia had lost three men, while Hux lost almost a quarter. They were never going to have a better chance than this.

Han and Rey were taking up the back, her other men were arrayed around the clearing, doing their best to stay out of sight. They all waited for her signal.

Luke and Leia perked up for a moment when the door to the bunker opened. Hux’s second-in-command, Phasma, emerged into the open air, striding over to one of the men and speaking with him briefly. She looked sharp, dangerous, powerful. Unlike the rest of them, she wasn’t exhausted from a previous fight. As she listened to the man talk, she smoked and flicked her assessing eyes around the clearing. Leia was confident they were hidden enough that she wouldn’t see them, but it still made her nervous. Everything had to go right. There was no margin of error here.

Luke glanced over at her, took her hand. “Do you think he’s in there?”

Leia took a breath. “He has to be. Phasma is here, and I don’t believe Hux would entrust him to anyone else. Also…” She didn’t know how she was going to finish that sentence, but she knew Luke understood anyway. _I need to believe that I would feel it if he were dead_.

“Leia, I don’t quite know how to say this, but I think we need to prepare for the idea that he’s…” This time it was Luke who couldn't finish, but Leia understood him. _That he’s different. Changed. Shattered_.

“It doesn’t matter to me how different he is. I’m getting him out of there if it’s the last thing I do.” Leia said, determined.

Luke nodded. There was nothing else to say. He signaled the rest of the men and they prepared to attack.

* * *

It took a while for Kylo to calm down, but eventually, Hux pulled back. Kylo clung to him. He wanted Hux to take him home. He was so out of it, he didn’t remember that he knew people were going to be launching an attack on Hux’s home. Things beyond Hux never seemed to matter very much anyway. Hux would tell him what was going to happen next, and everything would be okay.

There was a muffled sound very far away like a gunshot. Kylo didn’t really notice, but Hux did. He whipped his head to the side and froze for a moment.

“_Shit_,” He cursed, hands clenching into fists. He thought for a long moment, his face darkening.

“What is it?” Kylo asked cautiously, knowing that Hux generally didn’t like it when he asked too many questions.

Hux looked back at him, eyes far away. He looked like he was running through hundreds of variables in his head, and each one was more unsatisfactory than the last. Kylo waited in silence until Hux nodded to himself, seeming to come to a decision.

He focused back on Kylo, blood still splattered all over his face, expression turning intense and possessive. “We don’t have a lot of time, but I want – I _need_ you. You don’t know what it’s been like for me without you.”

Kylo blinked. “What do you mean, we don’t have a lot of time?”

Hux pushed him back on the bed. Kylo fell back on his arms with a surprised yelp. He pushed back on his heels as Hux climbed onto the bed over him. “Wait, wait, wait, Hux. Why don’t we have a lot of time?”

Hux straddled his hips and leaned down, pressing a bloody hand over Kylo’s mouth. “Kylo, I only need one thing from you right now. Whatever is going on outside this room is none of your concern. Your concern is making me happy. So you need to get with the program and start being sweet. Can you do that, or do I need to gag you?”

Kylo shook his head, eyes wide. He backed down immediately. Hux was right. He’d only been back for a few minutes and already Kylo was questioning him like he had any right.

Hux let go of his mouth. Kylo tried to shove aside all the uncertainty and fear of the past two weeks and just focus on what was important: Hux was here, in front of him. He needed him.

“I’m so happy you’re back.” He said sincerely. “I listened to Phasma, just like you said, but I really missed you.”

Hux was unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it aside. “I missed you too.”

Hux leaned down and kissed Kylo again, heady and with teeth, like he was making up for lost time. Kylo was at an awkward position, and he’d landed weird on his arms, putting undue pressure on his shoulders, but he didn’t say anything. If Hux wanted it, it would happen. Otherwise, he might as well not think about it.

Hux grabbed his legs at the backs of the knees and heaved him sideways across the bed. Kylo gasped in shock as he slid up so his head was hanging off the other side of the bed. He realized he was looking upside-down at Snoke’s dead body, blood staining the floor and his dead eyes staring off into nothingness. Kylo’s cock softened, any latent interest he had in the situation evaporating.

“Hux. _Hux_.” He gasped. With his head upside-down, all the blood was rushing into it. He felt disoriented. “_Hux_, Snoke is still there, I’m looking at him, I-”

Hux savagely pinched one of his nipples. Kylo whimpered and stopped talking. “Kylo, I never want to hear you say his name again. Is that understood?”

Kylo’s heart was beating very fast, and he could feel a slight panic attack coming on. He felt out of it, the chaos of the last few minutes catching up to him. Snoke’s pale face was slack and dead. With his shoulders half hanging off the bed, and with Hux holding onto his legs, he had no hope of even lifting his head. “Y-yeah, okay, but _Hux_, can you let me up, just for a minute, I-”

Hux tugged hard on his navel piercing, so hard Kylo grunted in sudden pain. “What did I just tell you? If you’re going to be difficult, I’ll gag you. I will not warn you again. I’m losing my patience.”

Hux’s sharp tone was enough to cow Kylo instantly. The thought of being gagged again after two days of it, while he was forced to look at Snoke’s corpse while Hux fucked him, that was too much. He stopped talking, feeling Hux get ready over him, spreading his legs and pressing warm, confident hands into his skin. Things felt slightly unreal. His sheer terror of Snoke paired with his relief that Hux was back were mingling in his mind. To be honest, he didn’t want to do this right now, he’d rather just have Hux hold him and stroke his hair. But he didn’t get a choice.

Hux straddled him, and began to stroke his cock, which slowly began to show interest again. Kylo closed his eyes and tried not to think about Snoke. Hux’s voice hovered over his head. “It’s a shame I haven’t had the time to pierce this. I think it would suit you. Maybe later.”

Kylo gasped and his hips jerked up at the thought. He hardened a little more. The idea frightened him, but there was something about it that was appealing. Maybe it was just knowing that Hux would take this part of him too. There wasn’t an inch of Kylo that was untouched by Hux.

When Kylo was at about half-mast, Hux let go, taking his hands and spreading his knees. He could feel Hux’s bony fingers digging into the meat of his thighs. He gasped, relishing the feeling of Hux touching him again after so long. It felt unimaginably good.

Without warning, Hux took Kylo into his mouth. Kylo gasped and his eyes flew open. Snoke’s head was crooked and his eyes were staring off in two different directions. Congealing blood painted the floor. Kylo whimpered and squirmed. Hux started bobbing his head, scraping his teeth against the underside of Kylo’s shaft. Kylo’s heels started pushing against the sheets. He was caught in a confusion of sensation. Snoke’s horrible face hanging upside-down right in front of him, the blood rushing into his head making his temples throb in time with his ratcheting heartbeat, the slick heat of Hux’s mouth on him.

It started to be too much. Kylo tossed his head from side to side, horrified to see that Snoke’s eye followed him every which way. Kylo moaned, although whether it was from pleasure or distress was impossible to know. His heels started pushing again. Hux’s bruising fingers around his hips tightened so hard Kylo’s head rose halfway and he cried out. There was a heat building in his groin, but it felt completely separate from the fucking dead guy right next to him. Kylo started to struggle in earnest, his fingers grasping uselessly at the sheets, one of his wrists caught under his back. The angle he was held at effectively rendered him helpless. He had absolutely no leverage.

“_Hux,_” he called out brokenly, for a few different reasons. He wanted Hux to stop, he wanted him to keep going. He didn’t know what he wanted.

Hux was completely absorbed with Kylo, his fingers digging in. He sucked, and Kylo’s hips thrust forward as he felt a hot, unfurling sensation inside. He cried out and managed to raise his head just enough. Hux had him buried to the hilt in his mouth, but somehow, despite that, he had never looked more in control. His fingers raked scratches down Kylo’s hips, and his burning eyes met Kylo’s, intense, his face blood-spotted. He looked like he was eating Kylo alive.

Kylo cried out, feeling a full-body shiver go through him. He lost control of his neck, and his head fell back, and he was looking at Snoke again. He thought he heard gunshots coming from far away. His head spun, the world itself seemed to be spinning on its axis.

Fingers were at his lips, insistent and pressing in. Kylo opened his mouth in surprise and took two of Hux’s fingers. They pressed down on his tongue, catching the edge of the stud and making it impossible for him to say anything. They pressed back towards the back of his throat, and Kylo moaned gutturally.

His heart was beating rabbit fast. He wanted this to end immediately, but he also kind of wanted it to keep going forever.

As Hux picked up the pace, Kylo couldn’t stop staring at Snoke. At the stab wounds littering his body. Hux had done that for him… He had come in here and stabbed a man to death just because he had the temerity to touch what was rightfully his. Kylo had never felt more owned, more humiliated, more protected.

At the thought, he came with a shout, spilling into Hux’s mouth. He fell back again, shaking with endorphins this time. As happened whenever he came, Kylo lost track of time. Events seemed to skip forward. He felt Hux’s warm hands pull him forward so he was flat on the bed again. He stared up at Hux with starry eyes. He wanted to be pulled into Hux’s chest, locked into the ventricles of his heart, to never leave again. He tried to express that feeling somehow, but all that emerged from his mouth was a breathy gasp.

Hux’s mouth turned up in a smile. His eyes still had that intent gleam they had when he’d first entered the room and seen Kylo. “My turn.” He growled, turning Kylo over onto his stomach. Kylo helped as best he could, but his shoulders were numb, and he felt as weak as a kitten after the exertion of the past few minutes.

Hux’s deft fingers started undoing the knot of the leash that was still tied around one of Kylo’s wrists. He started working through the pins and needles. Hux removed the harness as well, tossing it aside onto the floor.

Again, he thought he heard gunshots and shouting from somewhere far away. Kylo turned his head to look back, but Hux had grabbed his hips, and was manhandling him up onto his hands and knees. Then, whatever Hux was doing seemed much more important than any far-off noise. He had to concentrate to stay up because of how much his arms wanted to collapse.

Kylo felt wet fingers at his entrance easing him open and preparing him, and then with no further warning, Hux shoved into him. Kylo let out a strangled yell and fell forward onto his elbows. Hux grabbed him by the hair and hauled him back up. He eased out and thrust in again, and this time, Kylo was more prepared. He managed to stay up, although his arms were trembling with strain.

Stars danced in front of him. He was so disoriented after everything. Thirty minutes ago, he’d been terrified out of his wits, and then Hux had strode back into his life, killed his tormentor, and made him come while looking at Snoke’s dead body. He’d been picked up and spun so many different ways in the past few minutes he didn’t know which way was up. He just wanted Hux to slow down, to let him _think_ for a moment.

“H-Hux_, Hux!_” He cried out, losing his composure when Hux’s cock hit a spot that made lightning burst across his mind. “Hux, please, I don’t know – I don’t-”

“Kylo, what did I tell you?” Hux snapped behind him.

A hand came up and wrapped around his throat. Kylo came to attention immediately, all fog blown away from his mind. Hux squeezed his fingers over the purple bruises on Kylo’s neck. Kylo gasped for breath.

His ordeal from the other day came back in a moment. Panic gripped his mind. One hand came up to pull Hux’s hand away, but he began to lose his balance. He put his hand back down.

Hux leaned in behind him. “Do you trust me?”

Kylo squirmed underneath Hux, desperate to get away from the choking pressure. He whimpered. Hux squeezed just a little, and Kylo stilled underneath him, brought to heel like he always was.

Of course he trusted Hux, but the terror of what Snoke had tried to do to him warred with his impulse to submit to Hux. He wanted to leave this room, he wanted to go home, he just wanted things to go back to _normal_. He wanted to be able to take a breath, but he’d already come, so it was only fair that Hux get to come too. It was pretty generous of Hux to let him come first.

Hux took his silence for submission. He thrust in again, one hand still squeezing Kylo’s throat. Kylo gasped and jerked forward, his arms shaking, pins and needles still going through them. Hux was so big and he was so full and he couldn’t _breathe_ he just wanted-

He must have started to struggle, because Hux started to squeeze harder. Black spots danced in front of Kylo’s eyes. Confusion beat behind his eyes, but he tried his best to be good for Hux. He could do it. Then Hux was pounding into him and his fingers weren’t letting up and Kylo couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-

When he came back to himself, he was lying on his stomach in the bed. His throat was scratchy, his ass was sore, he could feel the sheets damp from sweat underneath him. The sheets smelled like Snoke, and Kylo’s stomach turned over.

He rolled over, trying to find Hux. Hux was sitting up in bed, hurrying to get dressed again. There were _definitely_ gunshots now, and shouting. Much closer than they were before, but that hardly registered in Kylo’s mind. It wasn’t important. Only Hux was important.

Kylo reached out for Hux, making a blurry, inquisitive sound. He wanted Hux to pull him close, he wanted him to take the time to just remind him that he was valued, he was _loved_. The last couple weeks had been so confusing and scary and he just wanted things to go back to normal.

Hux finished getting dressed before he acknowledged Kylo. He turned around and paused, and there, _finally_, was the look Kylo was waiting for. He leaned down, gently touched the side of Kylo’s face. He leaned in and kissed him, slowly, gently, like it was the last time.

He pulled back and looked down at Kylo. This time, his expression was almost sad. Kylo didn’t understand it.

“Kylo, honey, things are about to get very confusing for you, and I’m sorry for that. There was nothing I could do. I tried to keep you out of it.” Hux said.

Kylo cleared his throat a few times but couldn’t quite get the words out. “Wh-what?”

Hux grabbed his wrists firmly and pulled him so he was sitting up. They were chest-to-chest. “Kylo. You’re going to… hear some things about me in the next few weeks. About me and about how you should feel about me. But I want you to hold onto something for me. Can you do that?”

Kylo nodded, frowning in confusion. What was Hux _talking_ about?

Hux pulled him even closer so they were nose-to-nose. Kylo’s wrists were pinned in Hux’s grip. “I love you and you love me. And nothing they can say or do will take that away from us, okay? _I_ was there for you, _I_ protected you, and I am the only one who truly cares for you. Nobody else.”

Kylo was frightened by Hux’s intensity. “Yeah, Hux, of- of course, but… Who are you talking about? What’s going on?”

Hux was already standing up. He took one more chance to stroke Kylo’s hair before heading for the door. “I’m really sorry, Kylo. I didn’t want it to be this way, but they forced my hand.”

With that, Hux was walking out the door. Kylo tried to call out after him, but his throat closed up. He sat there in the bed for another few seconds, desperately hoping Hux was going to come back and explain. Who was _they_? What was going to happen? Who were those people outside?

Finally, the sounds of not-so-distant fighting penetrated Kylo’s conscious mind, and he finally started worrying about what that was all about. Is that what Hux was talking about? Were these people here to _hurt Hux_? The idea scared Kylo enough that he stumbled out of bed, hunting around for some clothes he could wear. He had to find Hux, figure out what was going on.

A voice echoed down the hallway. It sounded like the person was right at the end. The voice sounded sort of familiar, but Kylo couldn’t place it. “_HEY! STOP OR I SHOOT! HUX! GET BACK HERE!”_

Gunfire and running footsteps followed, leading away from the door. Kylo’s heart started ratcheting up into his throat. He stood on wobbly legs, finding a pair of ill-fitting sweatpants and a black t-shirt he could wear. They smelled like Snoke. The idea of wearing Snoke’s clothes made Kylo’s skin crawl, but he didn’t have a lot of time here. He had to go.

He was pulling the shirt over his head when a shocked voice called out from the doorway. It was a woman, and Kylo honestly couldn’t place it for a moment. “Kylo? _Is that you_?”

Kylo turned around slowly, stiff. There was a woman his age standing in the doorway, bulky jacket pushed up to her elbows, greasy hair pulled back into messy buns. She had her gun drawn, but it was pointed at the floor. Her face blanched and eyes filled with tears when she saw his face. Kylo didn’t recognize her. Did she work for Hux?

“Hello?” He croaked, not able to speak too loudly. His throat was still pretty sore.

The woman looked heartbroken for some reason, and Kylo couldn’t figure out why. It was strange to see some stranger staring at him so intently. “_Kylo_? Oh my god, I’m – _Oh my god-”_

She broke off, apparently not able to continue. Her voice was all choked up, and tears started dripping down her cheeks.

Kylo was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Where’s Hux?” He asked. Maybe this woman saw which way he went.

A second person came pelting down the hallway towards the woman. “Rey, what are you doing! We’ve got him in the other room, come on, we need your help!”

At the name, realization crossed Kylo’s mind. Oh. _Rey_. Of course. He didn’t know how he could have forgotten. She was still staring at him like her heart had dropped to the floor. She was motionless, stiff. The other person ran into view and skidded to a halt next to her. It took Kylo a long few seconds to place the name. Felix? Fischer? No. Finn. That’s right.

Finn stopped shouting when he saw Rey’s face. He turned to see Kylo still standing in the middle of the room. His eyes widened. “Oh _fuck_.”

Rey’s paralysis broke. She stumbled into the room toward Kylo. “Kylo, oh my god, are you okay, oh my _god_, won’t you say something, _Kylo_!”

She bundled him into a tight hug, her arms squeezing all the breath out of his chest. She was crying. He didn’t offer up any resistance, of course, but he didn’t respond at all. He stood there, hands at his sides, limp, confused. He didn’t understand why she was so upset.

He was relieved when she released him. Kylo hunched his shoulders and flinched back from her. His head was pounding in confusion. “What are you doing here?” He asked through buzzing lips.

She boggled at him. “What are you talking about? We’re here to save you! Oh Jesus, are those _bruises_? Did he fucking _choke_ you?”

She stepped forward again, and again Kylo flinched back until he was pressed against the far wall. He didn’t want her to come any nearer. He didn’t understand why they were here. “Save me from what? Snoke is already dead.” He asked in honest confusion.

The question seemed to stop Rey in her tracks. Her eyes skimmed him, taking in the collar, the scars, the cuffs, the piercings. She looked horrified, she looked like she was about to start screaming or crying. Maybe both at the same time.

Behind her, Finn had caught sight of Snoke’s dead body. He looked sick. “Rey, we need to get him out of here. Now. If there’s anybody else in here, we don’t want to get ambushed by them.”

Kylo’s heart rate skyrocketed. “What? I’m not going anywhere with you. Where’s Hux?” He asked again. He was starting to get worried now.

Rey held out one cautious hand. “Kylo, hey. We’ve got our car out front. It’s all over now. You’re safe now. Come with us. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Kylo shook his head, still pressed against the wall. “Why aren’t you answering me? _Where is Hux_?”

Anger crossed Rey’s face like a shade. “That fucking piece of human filth is in the other room. We’re going to execute him like we should have done _months ago_, and good riddance. It’s okay. We’re not going to let him hurt you anymore.”

Blood rushed through Kylo’s ears. He gasped. Fear gripped his heart. “What? _No!_”

Rey was looking more and more confused by the second. “What do you mean, no? Kylo, you aren’t making any sense! Now come on! We are getting out of here right _now!_”

She grabbed for his arm, and Kylo flinched back, knocking her hand away and bolting for the door. He heard Rey and Finn shout behind him, but he pelted towards where he could hear other voices coming from down the hall.

“Kylo! _No!_ _Don’t go in there!_” Rey shouted behind him. Kylo just kept running.

He burst into the other room, and his heart stopped. There were some people in the room, he thought one of them might be his mother, but that wasn’t the important thing. The important thing was that Hux was on his knees in the middle of the room handcuffed, and they were pointing guns at him. They were going to kill him. He didn’t see any of their faces. All he saw was a room full of threats.

“_No_!” He screamed frantically.

Heads whipped around to see him. Kylo seemed to be seeing them from very far away. Somebody was shouting his name. Somebody was calling him _Ben_. None of it made very much sense. He only had enough in him to worry about Hux.

“What are you doing, you_ can’t!_” He shouted, his voice tearing at his throat.

His vision swam. Somebody was standing in front of him. It looked like Luke, he thought. He’d almost forgotten what his uncle looked like, so he wasn’t sure. Luke’s face was pale, shocked, angry. “Ben? Hey, you shouldn’t be here. Let me get you out of here. You don’t need to see this.”

Luke was grabbing his arm, and Kylo was pulling away. He was starting to cry, he was definitely panicking, he couldn’t let them do this to _Hux_. “That’s not my name! I don’t understand what you’re doing, don’t hurt him, _please_!”

Kylo fought to get to Hux, but people were holding his arms. Luke and Rey, he thought. He fought to get away from them, but he was so weak, he was unused to fighting, he was helpless, they were going to kill Hux and there was nothing he could _do_.

His mother was standing in front of him. Tears were swimming in her eyes. She tried to speak, but she was too busy looking at all of the ways he had changed. All of the things that had been done to him. “Ben… Oh god, honey, what did he do to you?” Her voice was choked and small.

Kylo fought even harder. Why were these people calling him _Ben_? Why were they acting like he should be grateful to them? Mania tore at the back of his mind. “Get off of me _get off of me_!” He screamed, shoving a shoulder into Luke’s chest, managing to loosen his grip but not get rid of it entirely.

“Ben, please calm down, it’s okay. _Let go of him_! You’re making it worse!” Leia snapped authoritatively. The hands fell away from him at once. Kylo stood there like his strings had been cut.

There were so many people standing around him. He peered around Leia to try and see Hux. His father was standing guard over Hux, gun drawn. His face was tight and angry, but he wasn’t looking at Kylo. “Hux, what’s going on?” He asked desperately.

Hux looked back at him. His nose looked like it was broken, and his hair was disheveled and out of place. “It’s okay, Kylo. Everything is going to be fine.”

Han snarled and pistol-whipped Hux across the face. “_Don’t you fucking talk to him!_”

Hux landed with his palms planted on the ground. He stared down and laughed once. Blood dripped to the floor.

Kylo cried out and twitched forward when he saw that. “_Don’t hurt him_,” he pleaded desperately.

Han still wasn’t looking at him. “Leia, for God’s sake, can you not get him out of here? I want to put this pissant out of his misery.”

The threat was enough to make Kylo dart around all the people surrounding him and throw himself in front of Hux, arms outstretched. “Don’t kill him, _please,_ don’t kill him!” He wailed.

The people Kylo used to know stared at him with their mouths open wide. They looked scared, sad, furious. There were so many emotions flickering across their faces and they all wanted something from Kylo and he didn’t know what and none of this made any sense and he was just so _angry_ and confused. He wanted them gone. He wanted Hux to tell him what to do.

Luke spoke first. “Ben, how can you say that? Look what he _did_ to you!”

Kylo didn’t know what he meant, and he wished they would stop calling him Ben. That’s not who he was. He was Kylo. “You don’t understand you don’t understand you-”

Hux took one of his hands. He seemed remarkably calm, and Kylo just didn’t understand how. “Kylo, you can’t do anything to stop them. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“_No, it’s not_!” Kylo sobbed, shoulders shaking. “I don’t want them to take you away from me!”

Everyone else had stopped shouting. They were staring down at Kylo and Hux with white faces. Han looked sick. “Ben, get away from him.” He said softly.

“_Don’t kill him, please, don’t kill him_.” Kylo pleaded, tears streaking down his face.

Hux was still holding one of Kylo’s hands, and he turned to Leia with a sly look. “If you do this, you’ll shatter your son. As you can see, there’s not a whole lot left.” He pulled Kylo closer to comfort him and smiled.

Rey stood next to Leia. She looked furious. “Don’t fucking _listen_ to him! He deserves to die for what he did!”

Kylo hitched in a breath and lifted his head to glare at Rey. A rush of loathing flowed through him. He _hated_ her. What did she know about Hux? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Leia stood there for a long, long time, matching Hux’s stare with her own. Everyone else in the room could see what Kylo couldn’t. Kylo’s affection was Hux’s best insurance policy for his life. As abhorrent as it was to them, they couldn’t kill Hux without hurting Kylo even further.

Finally, she spoke. “Take him out of here. We need time to decide what to do. We’ll hold him until we do. Get him out of my goddamn _sight_.”

There were hands tearing Kylo and Hux apart. Kylo fought them, Hux didn’t. It didn’t make a difference, though. Two men marched Hux out of the room and away from Kylo without even a glance back. Kylo was left in a room of strangers, who had taken _Hux_. How could they do that? He didn’t know what was going to happen to him now, but he felt as if his whole world had shattered. He’d barely had Hux back for an hour before he’d lost him again.

Kylo hugged his knees to his chest, dipped his head down and started crying.

Nobody knew what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're worried, this ain't the last we've seen of Hux. You can't get rid of him that easily ;) Plenty more to come. Thanks for reading.


	29. Chapter 29

Kylo stayed where he was for a long, long time. He could sense that there were people around him, a _lot_ of people, but he didn’t feel fully capable of handling that right now. He wanted Hux back. He’d thought that things could go back to normal now, that he could go home with Hux and they could snuggle on the couch and it could just be the two of them. After everything that had happened with Snoke, he needed Hux’s protection more than anything. But instead he’d been taken away by these people who wanted to _kill_ him. And for what? For what?

Someone was kneeling down in front of him. He could sense it, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. He huddled in tighter to himself. “Ben. Hey. Ben. Can you hear me?”

Kylo clenched his teeth, shook his head. He didn’t like being called Ben. All it reminded him of was the early days of being with Hux, back before things had been good. He didn’t want to be reminded of all of that pain.

Somebody touched his arm. He flinched in surprise and scrambled back on his hands and knees. He looked up to see his mother looking at him with a pain he didn’t, couldn’t understand in her eyes. “What do you want from me? Haven’t you done enough?” He spat in desperation. Immediately after speaking, he snapped his mouth shut. Tension entered his shoulders. He shouldn’t be talking back, no matter how angry he was. These people were unknown quantities to him. It had been a long time since he’d seen them. He still didn’t know what they wanted from him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” He said bloodlessly, looking at the ground.

“Honey… Ben. We came to get you out of here. I can’t tell you… I’m _so sorry_ it took us so long, but we’re here now. You want to go home, right?” Leia asked. The sickly-sweet, careful feeling in her voice rubbed Kylo the wrong way. He didn’t know where that was coming from. He didn’t understand why she was being so careful around him. Not being able to sense people’s moods was dangerous. If he didn’t know what they wanted, it was so easy to make a misstep.

Kylo looked up suddenly. He recognized dimly that there was a group of other people standing around, but he just focused on Leia. She was clearly in charge here, and he was trained to respond to authority. “I get to go home?” He asked, a thin thread of hope in his voice.

Cautious relief crossed Leia’s face. From her body language, Kylo intuited that she wanted desperately to touch him, pull him close, but she was restraining herself. He didn’t know why. When people wanted to touch him, they just did. That’s what he was here for, after all. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that. You can stay at my house, of course, for as long as you need.”

Kylo’s stomach plummeted. “Wh-what? No, I want to go back to Hux’s house.”

Leia’s face fell. Before she had a chance to say anything else, Han interrupted. He was standing behind Leia with his arms crossed tightly, like a coiled spring. The body language made Kylo nervous. “What are you _talking_ about, Ben? You really think we would hand you back to him? You think that little of us?”

Kylo was starting to get a headache. He didn’t like being berated. “Can you stop calling me that?” He asked weakly.

Han boggled at him. He was full of a deep anger that Kylo couldn’t nail down. “What, your _name_?”

Kylo flinched and hunched down into himself.

Leia stood up and put an authoritative hand on his chest. “Han, you need to calm down. Now, or you have to leave. You’re scaring him and making things worse.”

Han ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t understand why he’s acting like this! Why isn’t he jumping for joy?”

Leia lowered her voice. “We don’t know what all he did to Ben. It’s been… it’s been a long time.”

“Yes, I understand that, but we’re here now. Why doesn’t he just snap out of it?” Han almost seemed like he was pleading with Leia. He seemed upset and angry. Kylo assumed it was at him. He started getting that panicky tightness in his chest. He needed to do something fast to make sure Han wasn’t angry with him anymore, but he didn’t even know what he was doing wrong.

“It doesn’t work like that.” Leia said, her voice threaded with sorrow.

They seemed to notice they were discussing Kylo right in his earshot, so they moved elsewhere. While his parents walked off into a corner to have a hushed discussion, Kylo turned his attention on Luke, who hadn’t said very much so far. “What’s going to happen to him?” Kylo asked.

Luke grimaced. He didn’t need to ask who Kylo was talking about. “He’s going to get what’s coming to him. You don’t need to worry about him anymore.”

Acid rose up Kylo’s throat. “What do you mean?”

Luke had a deep-set anger in his eyes that Kylo had never seen before. He assumed it was directed at him. It never occurred to him to think that it was on behalf of him. “We’re not going to let him hurt you anymore. I promise. If it’s the last thing I do.”

Kylo frowned. What were they _talking_ about? Why did they want to keep him away from Hux so badly? Was this a punishment of some kind? It must be. They were keeping Hux away from him so that he would have an incentive to behave. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, he knew the responsibility that had been placed on his shoulders. Hux’s well-being was contingent on how good he was for them. So he needed to figure out what they wanted from him so they would give Hux back. He had probably already argued with them too much already.

Rey spoke up when it was clear Kylo wasn’t going to respond. She looked pale, small, strange. Nothing like how he remembered her. None of them were like how he remembered. They were like ghosts of themselves. She knelt down in front of him. She looked like she was wrestling with the best way to phrase what she was going to say. “Kylo… Aren’t you even _a little_ relieved that we took him away?”

Kylo stared at her, mouth firmly closed. This was a trick. She was trying to get him to disagree with her so she could use that against Hux. He wasn’t going to give them the ammo they needed. His job now was to protect Hux. That’s all he could focus on right now.

“You know that… You know that what he did to you was wrong, right? I mean, you’re covered in bruises… You look like a different person.”

Kylo looked down at himself. This is just what he looked like. “What are you talking about?”

Rey looked sick. She seemed like she could barely get the words out. “Kylo… he put a _collar_ on you.”

“…So?” Kylo asked, confused.

Tears rose to Rey’s eyes, but before she could say anything else, Han and Leia rejoined the group.

“We’re getting out of here. Now. This place makes me sick. Ben, will you please come with us?” Leia said.

Kylo stood up shakily. He didn’t really want to go with these people, but he had to make them happy so they would give Hux back. He could admit to himself that he was relieved to be leaving Snoke’s bunker. It would be so much better if he was leaving with Hux, but he just wanted to go.

Kylo did what he did whenever things got a little too much for him. He shut down. It had been the longest day. Somebody took his arm carefully and started marching him somewhere. This, at least, was familiar. As they walked out of the building, they drew near a room that was half-open. Before anyone else, Kylo saw the bloodied face of Phasma peer out into the hallway and then rapidly try to retreat. Before anyone could notice her, Kylo made himself trip. Everyone turned toward him, pulling him back to his feet with soft concern. He made himself look faint until Phasma had enough time to get away and find a better hiding spot. His heart soared at the thought that at least she was still free. She would figure things out. He had faith in her.

As they neared the door to the surface world, bodies appeared on the ground and men began milling around. There was so much sound and motion that none of it made very much sense to him.

When they walked outside, Kylo covered his eyes with a sharp gasp. It was bright out here, and he hadn’t been outside since Phasma had brought him here. He looked around hopefully for Hux, but didn’t see him. Somebody had already taken him away.

They were all standing behind him talking, discussing something in urgent tones. Kylo didn’t have it in him to concentrate on that. He felt himself descending into an apathetic fog.

He was loaded into a car. He was driven somewhere. A series of events without reason or connection. He leaned against the window and closed his eyes. He hadn’t had any say over what happened to him for a long, long time, and he didn’t know why anything would change now.

When the car stopped, Kylo shook himself out of a light doze. Rey was the only one in the car with him. She sat across from him, mouth in a thin line, staring at him with some emotion Kylo couldn’t begin to decipher.

She spoke. “Aren’t you happy to see us at all?”

Kylo hesitated before responding. He wasn’t, but he’d been trained not to speak his mind. He shrugged tightly. “I don’t understand why you didn’t leave me where I was. I was happy.”

Before she could respond, Luke opened the car door and beckoned them out. Kylo stepped outside, his bare feet padding across the cool concrete. He saw Luke look down and see his bare feet. This seemed to bother him for some reason. Rey hovered at his right arm, as if he was about to bolt. She couldn’t know his bolting days were far behind him. Kylo looked around in blank confusion. They’d brought him to a house that looked vaguely familiar. It was only until they mounted the porch and he saw the patch of siding that he’d accidentally set on fire when he was eight that he realized where he was. Luke’s house. The realization made something uncomfortable squirm in his belly.

He was led inside to the living room. People were crowding all around him. He wasn’t used to this many people at once, and he was feeling a bit of sensory overload. Usually, he only had one person he had to concentrate on at once. He wasn’t told to sit anywhere or do anything, so he crossed his arms and stood in the center of the room while others decided what to do with him. He thought about getting on his knees, since he would be more comfortable that way, but he thought they might be upset about it, so he stayed where he was.

A handful of people went into the other room, leaving Kylo with his parents, Luke, and Rey. There was a long, awkward pause. Luke asked him gently to sit down on the couch. Kylo complied right away. It was phrased as a request, but he knew an order when he heard one.

Kylo stared down at his feet. He didn’t know how he felt about this whole situation. He’d been terrified that they were going to kill Hux, and now that they didn’t, he didn’t know where that left him. His thoughts were fuzzy, indistinct. He was angry that these people he hardly knew had taken him from the life he’d grown accustomed to, taken away his source of security and protection in Hux, but he also knew being angry at them was dangerous. He didn’t have the right to feel negatively toward his keepers any longer. The only reason they would have come and gotten him is if they wanted something from him. He just needed to figure out what it was, so he could give it to him, and then they would return him to Hux.

It had been clear what Hux wanted from him, and Snoke, and even Phasma. These people were different.

Leia hunkered down in front of him again. Her eyes were red and voice choked. She was carrying tissues in one hand and had to blow her nose before she spoke again. “Honey… I can’t… Even _begin_ to imagine what you went through… I know that… things are confusing right now, and scary, and… I’m sure you have a lot to say, but I just want you to know that… You’re safe now. I’m never… It just _kills_ me that I couldn’t get to you sooner, and I know it’s no comfort, but I never stopped looking for you, _never_, and… all I want is for you to be safe and happy.”

Kylo stared at the woman in front of him, mute. His thoughts swirled in confusion. What did she expect him to say to that? “But… I was _already_ safe. Hux killed him for me. We were going home.”

“Killed who? Snoke? Rey told me that… well, that his body was in the room where she found you…” Leia asked.

Kylo shuddered. His throat closed up a little from the memory of being choked. His hands came up to his neck protectively. “Hux thought he could trust him, that’s why he told Phasma to take me there, but Snoke… He was – he was a liar. He shouldn’t have-” He didn’t want to talk about Snoke anymore. The memory of what he’d almost done to Kylo was still too close.

Leia was completely focused in on him. “Why? Why shouldn’t Hux have trusted him?”

Kylo wrapped his arms around himself, trying not to think too hard about Snoke lashing him down to the bed and pulling his legs apart and – If he let himself go down this path too far, he might start to wonder what would have happened if Hux hadn’t rescued him in time. “He… He tried to… To… You know, to…” Bile rose up his throat, and he had to physically fight down the residual panic. “He shouldn’t have done that. Hux is the only one allowed to touch me.”

Kylo didn’t understand the expressions on the faces of the people across from him. They looked as if they’d been informed that one of their limbs would have to be amputated. Leia’s face was absolutely bloodless. Luke squared his shoulders and clenched his fists. Han wasn’t even looking at him.

Leia’s voice broke on her first try. She had to clear her throat and blow her nose one more time before she could get the question out. “Did… did Hux ever… did he… touch you like that?”

Kylo looked at her, puzzled. “Well, of course. He has every right to.”

Rey lurched away from where she had been standing against the fireplace. She was furiously wiping tears away. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I thought I could… I can’t listen to this. I _can’t_.” She hurried out of the room, her feet thundering up the stairs.

Leia looked pained again, like all she wanted to do was pull Kylo into a tight bear hug. She didn’t. Kylo wondered why not, if he was that repulsive that she didn’t want him near her.

Leia chose her words very, very carefully. “Did you… I think what I mean to say is… Did he force you?”

The very concept was absolutely foreign to Kylo. What Hux wanted, he wanted. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. If Hux wanted to fuck him with his face ground down into the carpet and his elbows getting rug burn, he would. If Hux wanted Kylo to use his mouth on him in the evening while he read, only getting him off when Hux was good and ready; he would. If Hux wanted to interrupt him while he was in the shower, no matter how tired he was or how much of a headache he had, to press him against the tiles and press the warm weight of his arousal against the small of Kylo’s back, to bite marks down the length of his body; he would. There was no room in that equation for what Kylo might or might not want.

“No, why would he need to?” Kylo asked in honest confusion.

“That’s enough.” Han spat. “That is fucking _enough_.”

Kylo flinched. He ran over what he’d said in his mind. What had he done wrong?

Leia went over to him, put a hand on his arm. “Han, please. You’re-”

“No, _no_,” Han was shaking his head. Kylo was shocked to see his father had tears in his eyes. He had never once in his life seen him shed tears. The novelty of the sight was almost enough to send ripples through his calm. “I am not going to listen to this anymore. You’re encouraging his delusions, don’t you see that? It isn’t healthy for us to pretend that this isn’t disgusting, that this isn’t _crazy_. I can’t, I won’t do it.”

“_Han_,” Leia pleaded, but Han had already torn out of her grip and was advancing on Kylo.

“Ben, I need you to listen to me. I don’t know what that bastard did to you, but I need you to snap out of it. He raped you, he took advantage of you, that’s all there is to it.” Han said desperately.

Kylo was afraid of Han’s sudden passion, even though the words he was saying didn’t make any sense. “No, he didn’t.” He said in confusion.

Luke stood up and gently pulled Han away. “Han, come on. You’re just scaring him. If you can’t keep a hold of yourself, you should take a walk.” He said in a low voice.

Han uttered a guttural noise of disgust and helpless fury. He stalked out of the room and after a moment the front door slammed. By this time, Rey was back, standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

Leia clapped her hands together. There was a stress line down the center of her forehead. “Okay, I think we’re all getting a little worked up. I think we need to stop and take a breath. Ben, is there anything I can get for you? Food? Tea? A blanket? Anything like that?”

He shook his head carefully, not sure if hidden within those offers anywhere was a trap.

Leia and Luke left for the kitchen, and Kylo could hear a hushed discussion. Rey didn’t move from her position by the wall. She didn’t seem to know what to say.

After about half an hour, Leia and Luke came back with grave faces. Luke was holding a pair of mini bolt cutters. He stayed a careful distance away so as not to startle Kylo. “Okay, I think it’s high time we get those off of you.”

Kylo was blank for a moment, thinking Luke meant his clothes. Then he noticed the poisonous look his uncle sent to his wrists and throat. Kylo’s heart trip-hammered into third gear. He meant to take off his cuffs and collar.

Kylo pressed back into the couch, mouth a thin line. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“Those are coming off. I’m not looking at them any longer.” Luke said sternly.

“N-no. Hux wants them on.” Kylo tried to explain nervously. Hux wouldn’t be happy to learn Kylo had taken them off. He wouldn’t be happy at all.

“I don’t really care what he wants or doesn’t want. I don’t want to see my nephew done up like a dog anymore.” Luke’s voice was vicious.

“But – but you don’t understand-”

“I understand he’s a sick fuck who gets off on humiliating you. You understand that, right?” Luke said. He looked older than Kylo had ever seen him, worn, like the past year had taken its toll on him too.

Kylo’s eyes jumped from person to person as if he would get help from another front, but they all looked united. Faces set, determined, immovable. “No, he isn’t.” He said, voice small. “He loves me.”

Luke set his mouth even thinner. A small sound of distress came from Rey. His mother watched this all happen with a grave expression.

Luke sat down next to Kylo, sighed, took a moment to gather his thoughts. Kylo’s eyes kept jumping nervously to the bolt cutters, although he stayed where he was. It had already been beaten into him not to try and get away. “Ben… the last thing I want to do is upset you, but I think it’s important that you hear the truth of things. He kidnapped you. He held you hostage for over a year and a half. He tortured you, he terrorized you, he ra… he took advantage of you. He doesn’t love you, no matter what sick things he drummed into your head. He just _doesn’t_. He loves controlling you. That’s not the same thing.”

Kylo’s brain was doing its best to skim over most of what Luke was saying to him, in order to stay sane. “What are you talking about? _Torture_? No, he didn’t-”

Rey grabbed his left arm, baring the raised white scars that had crisscrossed all over his skin. “No? Then what do you call _this_?”

Kylo pulled his arm out of her grasp as fast as he could. “Th- that’s just – it was, it was punishment for breaking the rules. It was my fault.”

About a thousand emotions flickered across her face. She appeared to be trying very hard to get through to him, although what she was saying didn’t make any sense to him. “Oh yeah? And what rule did you break?”

Kylo wavered for a moment. He didn’t want to answer, but lying was not acceptable, and neither was avoiding a direct question. “I ran.”

Luke took Rey’s hand. He looked like he was trying to comfort her. Why she would need comfort was beyond Kylo. Confusion drummed behind his eyes. “Okay… well, why did you run?”

Kylo felt heat flush over his skin. He didn’t like thinking about this kind of stuff. It was dangerous, it was confusing. “Because… because… I don’t… I don’t really remember.” He stammered. He had a vague, blurry idea of stealing a key, running, feeling joy buoy inside his chest when he stepped outside. But he’d been hurt terribly for it, more than he could stand. He knew he’d been hurt because he thought he could make decisions without Hux.

“Sure, you do.” Rey insisted.

“H-Hux, he said I tried to run because I didn’t know any better…” Kylo stumbled through the explanation. It was very clear in his head, but he didn’t know how to explain it to these people. They seemed predisposed to hate Hux, and he didn’t know why. “That was before… before things got better, before…” He trailed off.

“Before what?” Rey asked.

Kylo didn’t like this line of questioning at all. “He – he just wanted to take care of me, I don’t know why you’re trying to make it sound like, like-”

“Like he was brainwashing you and torturing you? Because that’s what he was doing!” Rey exclaimed.

Kylo inched back again, getting defensive. These words they were using were so unbearably heavy, so black-and-white. Torture. Brainwashing. They didn’t describe what it had been like at all, Kylo just didn’t have the words to communicate that to them. “He said you would say that! He said you’d try to confuse me, and, and, lie to me-”

“We are not the ones lying to you! _He_ is!”

Kylo felt like he was hyperventilating. He covered his ears. “Stop it! Stop trying to mess with my head! It’s not going to work!”

Leia gently pulled Rey away from the conversation, and Kylo was relieved until he saw Luke holding the bolt cutters again.

“I’m sorry I have to do this. I know it’s going to upset you, but it’s necessary. You’ll understand later, I promise you.”

Kylo scrambled to his feet and backed up. “No,” He croaked.

“Ben, please let me do this.” Luke asked, still sitting on the couch.

Kylo stood and stared. Panic was klaxoning through his head, although it wasn’t in him to protest any more. He’d already done enough. He knew if he tried to struggle any more, he would only end up causing himself pain. Like always, the decision had been made for him, and he just had to accept it. He froze in place, eyes wide, muscles stiff.

Luke stepped up to him slowly, non-threateningly, one hand carefully extended. “Can you give me your hand?” He asked softly.

Kylo extended one hand mutely. He didn’t want this to happen, but surely Hux would understand what he’d done. Surely disobeying a direct order was worse than allowing them to remove Hux’s marks on him? It had to be. He had to be making the right decision. Although maybe Hux wouldn’t want him to be following orders from these people. He just didn’t know what to do.

Luke moved slowly, hesitantly, broadcasting every move he made so Kylo knew exactly what to expect. He snipped the lock on the cuff on Kylo’s right wrist. It was a small sound but seemed to thunk decisively in the quiet room. Still moving oh so carefully, Luke undid the buckle and removed the wrist cuff. It fell away, leaving Kylo’s wrist bare for the first time in a long time. Kylo stared down at his own hand, marveling at its strangeness. His wrist looked bony, pale, small. _Weak_. The skin where the cuff had been was chafed and marked from long use. There was a red indent in his wrist that probably wouldn’t go away any time soon.

Kylo almost completely forgot about whether or not Hux would approve of what he was doing in the rush of strange sensation. His wrist was bare, his wrist was free for the first time in what felt like forever. He’d almost forgotten what his own hands looked like without the cuffs on them.

Luke continued while Kylo was distracted by the sight of his own wrist. He gently took Kylo’s other hand and removed that cuff, then knelt down and did his two ankles.

The trouble came when it was time to remove the collar. Luke stepped up and snipped the small lock on the collar. As if that decisive sound broke him out of his daze, Kylo stiffened and turned his full attention onto Luke. He pushed Luke’s hand away, stepped back and shook his head.

“Not that.” He pleaded.

“Ben… It has to come off.” Luke tried to reason with him.

Almost completely out of his control, Kylo began to shake. “No, no, you don’t understand. He’s going to be so angry with me.”

Luke hesitated. “He’s not here… He won’t know.”

Kylo shook his head wildly, backing up until he hit the wall. “He’ll know, he always _always_ knows.”

Luke was at a loss for words. Rey tried. “It must be horrible. Don’t you want it off?”

Kylo laughed, a high, hysterical sound. “_No!_ You don’t understand, you don’t know what he’ll do to me if-”

He clamped his mouth shut, pressed palms over his eyes. Hazy, nightmarish images from his last escape attempt assaulted his mind. His broken ankle dragging behind him, his bones grinding together. Screaming until all the air had left his lungs and then screaming some more. The most intense pain he’d ever experienced in his life. He pressed down on his eyelids until stars burst across his vision.

He felt buzzy panic rise in his mind, turning him unresponsive. He felt hands grab at him. He whimpered and weakly tried to fight them off, but they were pulling at the buckle around his neck, removing the collar, removing his tie to Hux, his security, his claim.

Weird, broken moaning sounds tore up out of his throat. He was caught between resisting for Hux’s sake and submitting to their authority. They weren’t listening to him, nobody was listening to him, they never did, nothing he ever said seemed to matter, people would just take what they wanted from him; these people said they were better, but they were doing the same thing as Hux, _worse_ even, taking and taking and taking. Even this thought that came to him out of pure panic felt like a betrayal.

“_Why are you doing this to me?_” He sobbed, tearing away from the hands trying to hold him down, to comfort him, to demand things from him. He lurched away to the far wall. He stared at the other people in the room with unblinking eyes, seeing nothing but enemies, threats from all sides.

His hands came up to feel his throat, his _bare_ throat. He choked and wailed out another scream, sinking down to the ground. He heard himself from a long way away, begging for them to bring it back, to put it back on, that Hux would know, he would be angry, wouldn’t they _listen_ to him? He babbled until the very words he was saying lost all meaning. Somebody leaned down over him, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. He felt his bare wrists, his open, indented throat. He didn’t feel free. He felt cut loose, set adrift, without an anchor.

Out of his conscious control, he leaned to the side and emptied his stomach onto the floor. There wasn’t that much to throw up. Bile burned his throat.

How could Hux love him now? He’d allowed other people to touch him, he’d allowed other people to remove Hux’s claim on him. He didn’t think Hux would even bother punishing him. He would just leave him. Why would he be interested in keeping Kylo if Kylo couldn’t even stay loyal to him?

The world receded from him at this point. He came back to himself briefly to find himself in a bed, alone. He got out of it, crawled into a corner and curled up into a ball. He felt safer here on the floor. It was where he belonged.

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was a grim affair. Leia and Luke sat across from each other at the kitchen table, nursing their own coffees and their own thoughts. Last night, after wrestling Ben upstairs to bed, everyone had mostly gone their own way. Han had called and grumbled a few excuses to Leia, saying he’d be back later. She didn’t miss the shaken tremor in his voice. She didn’t blame him. He needed some time to himself, just to think. God knew there wasn’t a good way to cope with any of this.

Rey had retired to the guest bedroom upstairs, and when Leia had walked past the room, she heard the muffled sound of crying from inside. Leia felt like crying herself.

She and Luke were the only ones left awake in the house. Luke had poured them both a big glass of whiskey, although neither of them were in the mood. It was simply an excuse to sit in companionable silence. They both needed it.

This morning, Han still wasn’t back. Rey was still asleep upstairs. Leia had barely slept. She’d found herself wanting to go into Ben’s room constantly, to see how he was doing, to comfort him if she could. It killed her that she hadn’t been able to give him the simplest expression of love possible: a hug. She sensed physical touch would just drive him farther away from her. Luke had gently reminded her that Ben had been through a lot yesterday, that they needed to give him a little space to process everything, that they owed him that. Leia knew her brother was right, she just wished that giving her son space didn’t feel so much like abandoning him.

Finally, after drinking her coffee, she could keep herself away no longer. She padded upstairs to the guest room where they’d put Ben to bed last night. She rested her hand against the door, took a deep breath, terrified of what state she’d find her son in.

She knocked quietly. “Ben? Are you awake? Can I come in?” She called gently. All she wanted to do was just break the door down, but she thought it was important to offer him a little privacy. She was sure he hadn’t gotten any when he was under Hux’s care.

No answer.

After knocking a few times, Leia pushed the door open a little and poked her head in. “Ben?”

Upon seeing the empty bed, sheets rumpled and comforter bunched on the ground, her heart clenched. Had he run away? She hurried into the room, only then seeing Ben huddled in a tight ball in the far corner, staring at her from hunted, dark eyes. His wrists were hugged tightly around his knees. Angry red bruises circled his wrists where the cuffs had been. He tracked her movement like she was a threat, although he didn’t move.

“Good morning,” She offered him a watery smile that he didn’t respond to. “Did you get any sleep? Why aren’t you in the bed?”

Ben shrugged defensively. He was just so _skinny_ and he looked so _scared_. Leia wanted to burst into tears, but she mastered herself.

She sat on the edge of the bed, making sure to give him plenty of space. “Do you need anything? Some breakfast? A change of clothes, maybe? I’ll go dig out a towel for you if you want a shower.”

Ben was staring at his feet. He seemed to have gotten all of his talking out last night, and now seemed unwilling to do so. He said something in an almost nonexistent whisper.

“What was that?” Leia asked, leaning forward.

“Can… can I have some water?” Ben asked carefully, like he wasn’t sure if he should be asking.

Leia glanced over at the glass of water she had specifically left out for him last night. It was untouched on the bedside table. There was no way he could have missed it. “Of – of course, honey. Why didn’t you drink this?”

Ben glanced at the water and then looked away. He shrugged again, shoulders up to his ears. “Nobody told me I could have it.” He said, voice hoarse.

Leia was almost glad Ben wasn’t looking at her, because she was sure her heartbreak was visible on her face. She picked up the glass and brought it over to him, sitting down cross-legged across from him, sure to still give him plenty of space. She winced at the pressure on her hips. She was really getting too old to be sitting on the floor like this.

Ben grabbed the glass and drained the water in a few seconds. It was obvious he had been parched. The fact that the water had been sitting there all night and he hadn’t taken it spoke volumes about where his headspace was. Leia tried not to think about it.

After he finished the water, he put the glass down and regarded her a little more carefully. There was something in his eyes she didn’t like. He wasn’t looking at her like a son to a mother. It was more like a hostage looking at his captor, caution and fear and uncertainty all mixed together.

She tried not to focus on one of the aspects of his appearance that she had noticed yesterday, something that she would bet he hadn’t even noticed. His black hair was streaked with strands of white, threaded through his long curls all over the place. She’d heard of traumatized people’s hair turning white before, but had never witnessed it before. It was even something that could be mistaken for something deliberate, if she didn’t know any better. It wasn’t even all that noticeable if you weren’t looking for it.

“So… I know that yesterday was overwhelming. I’m sorry I couldn’t have made it easier for you. Now that you’ve had a chance to think a little bit, do you have any questions? I’m sure you’re full of them.” Leia asked, trying to keep her voice cheerful even though she felt anything but.

“What are you going to do with him?” Ben asked.

Leia had to control the angry twitch she felt. The fact that Ben had asked after Hux’s well-being before his own was very telling. “We haven’t decided yet, but he’s going to pay for what he’s done. You don’t need to worry about him.”

Ben looked like he wanted to ask more questions but stopped himself. Leia didn’t like that either, but it saved her from having to answer questions about Hux. She didn’t want to spend any more time thinking about that monster. Ben was much more important to her.

There was another long silence that Ben seemed unwilling to break. Leia waited it out.

“I just… I don’t understand… What do you want from me?” He asked, expression vulnerable, breakable. “Why didn’t you just leave me where I was?”

“I don’t want _anything_ from you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. And free. That’s all I care about. That’s all that’s important.” Leia insisted, hoping that at least some of this would penetrate her son’s cracked shell. From his blank expression, she knew it wasn’t.

He averted his eyes. She could tell that he didn’t believe her. It was inconceivable to him that somebody would have no ulterior motive.

After they sat in silence for a while longer, Leia coaxed him downstairs for some food. She wasn’t sure if he actually wanted food or if he was just following what he perceived to be an order. She suggested going downstairs to eat, and he immediately stood up with his hands at his sides, ready to follow her, although his expression was anything but eager.

He didn’t react much to Luke being in the kitchen. Leia busied herself around them, eventually managing to rustle together a halfway-decent breakfast. Ben ate what he felt he had to and no more. Leia didn’t have much of an appetite either. Luke didn’t eat anything, just leaned against the kitchen sink with his arms folded.

Immediately after Leia put down her fork, Ben silently got to his feet, gathered up her plate and his, and started scraping the leftovers into the trash and washing the dishes. It looked like an automatic reaction, like something that had been programmed into him.

Leia met Luke’s eyes behind Ben’s back. He shrugged helplessly.

Shortly thereafter, there was a gentle knock at the door. Ben glanced at the door anxiously.

“It’s okay. I’ll go let her in.” Leia assured him, before going to the door and letting in her friend Holdo. Holdo gave her a tight smile and a quick hug. Leia had called her late last night and asked her to come over. They gathered upstairs in Luke’s master bedroom, wanting some privacy. Ben trailed after the other three reluctantly, an anxious line down the middle of his forehead.

Once they were in the room, Leia turned around to face Ben. “Ben, this is my friend Amy Holdo. She’s a doctor. I asked her to come over here to just take a look at you. Is that okay?”

Ben took a step back, apprehension crossing his face. He looked like he wanted to bolt, but didn’t.

Holdo smiled at Ben, indicated he should come into the room. He did, perching on the bed almost under duress. He kept shooting little panicked looks at the door, but he did what was expected of him.

Luke made his excuse and left the room, closing the door behind him. They figured the less people around for this, the better.

Holdo pulled a chair over and sat across from Ben so that they were on the same level. “Hi. I’m afraid we might have gotten off to a bad start. I’m Amilyn. You can call me Amy if you want. Do you prefer Ben or Kylo?”

Ben looked up at her from a sheet of unruly hair. He looked cautious, like he was trying to figure out what she wanted from him as soon as possible so he could give it to her. That expression broke Leia’s heart. “Kylo,” he said softly, with a brief glance over at Leia. He knew she didn’t like it, but the name had been hammered into him deeper than he would be able to shed after a day.

Leia thinned her mouth but didn’t say anything. She had to pick her battles.

Holdo nodded. “Okay, Kylo. Now, your mom here has told me… some of what happened, but I’m sure there’s a lot she doesn’t know, that you can tell me.”

Ben was silent for a long moment. He always looked like he had to gather courage to even speak. “I’m not sick.” He said lowly.

“I know you’re not, but there’s a lot that can happen in a year and a half. Me and your mom just want to make sure there isn’t anything wrong that you haven’t noticed.”

“Hux took care of me. He wouldn’t let me get sick.” Ben insisted, a small frown gracing his features.

Holdo didn’t go down that path any farther. “I’m sure he did. But he’s not a doctor. Everybody misses something, right?”

Ben was frowning at her, like he wanted to argue with her, but he didn’t dare. The Ben Leia knew would never have hesitated to argue, with anybody, about anything. For as long as she could remember, they had trouble getting him to curb his temper, to watch his tone, because it usually got him in trouble. Somebody had finally managed to tame him, but at the highest possible cost. She would rather he be screaming, raging, breaking things. At least then she’d know her Ben was still in there somewhere, beyond this shattered shell sitting in front of her.

She cut in. “If you have something to say, please do. You know that we won’t be angry with you for speaking your mind. We want you to.”

Ben sat there, tight-lipped for a moment longer. “I’m not stupid. I know what you’re trying to do.”

“What do you mean?” Holdo asked.

“You’re trying to confuse me, to turn me against Hux, but it’s not going to work. He warned me you would do this. Just because you hate him doesn’t mean you can make me hate him.”

Holdo sighed. “Okay, Kylo, I won’t lie to you. I think it’s important that you know I’m being as straight as I can with you. I don’t think you’re stupid, and I can assure you that the last thing I want to do is lie to you. But you’re right. I don’t agree with you. I think you went through something horrible, unimaginable, and sometimes… when a mind is put under that amount of trauma, it can start to play tricks on you, try to convince you of things that aren’t true.”

Ben frowned. “Like what?”

Holdo paused. “Like that Hux loves you.”

Ben immediately clamped his mouth shut. He buried his face in his hands and grabbed fistfuls of his hair.

“I know you don’t feel that way right now, and that’s understandable. I just want to ask you a question. Was there a time you can remember before you started loving Hux? A time you were afraid of him?” Holdo pressed gently.

Ben looked up at her. He nodded slowly.

Leia thought of him alone in that house for months and months, afraid and waiting for her to come for him, eventually having no choice but to give up hope. She thought the guilt was going to eat her alive. She had wasted so much time, _months_, because she thought he’d been dead. Months where he’d been tortured and beaten down, and she had had no idea.

“Okay, good. What changed?” Holdo asked patiently.

Ben seemed unwilling to answer, or to think of it. “When I stopped fighting him, he didn’t have to hurt me anymore. All he wanted was for me to be good.”

Holdo nodded along, as if she agreed with his logic. “Okay. So when you started behaving, he stopped hurting you?”

Ben nodded uncertainly.

Holdo indicated the purple, extensive bruising around his throat. The colorful map extended from his collarbone all the way up to the underside of his chin, mingled with the angry red lines where the collar had dug into his throat. “What about that?”

“That was Snoke.” He said, frowning.

“And Hux didn’t contribute to it at all? Those bruises look pretty fresh.” Holdo said.

Ben looked away from her, jaw clenched. He had his arms wrapped tight around himself.

Holdo sensed she was pushing her luck. She backed off. “Okay, we don’t have to talk about that. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to give you a physical. Just check you over and see if there’s any permanent damage we need to worry about.”

Ben shrugged like it was of no consequence to him. Leia didn’t like the way he reacted when people touched him. She’d noticed it yesterday when they’d urged him out of the bunker and into the car. He would just go limp and allow people to just move him around wherever they wished, like he had no bodily autonomy of his own. She would have expected the opposite, that he would be averse to touch. From the twitchy way he’d been behaving, he clearly feared and expected violence in every move, every gesture; but despite this, he still allowed people to touch him whenever they wanted. Somehow, that made it so much worse. It was so clearly a learned response, and the thought of what Ben had had to go through to react that way had her gritting her teeth. Leia was not a violent person by nature, but she wanted to tear Hux limb from limb.

“Okay, Kylo. Can I ask you to take your shirt off?” Holdo asked gently.

Ben stood up and complied immediately, like he’d done this kind of thing a hundred times before. He slipped his shirt over his head and then laid it neatly on the bed next to him.

Leia was unable to stifle her gasp of horror. She clapped a hand over her mouth. Her knees felt weak. It took a great force of will not to scream.

Ben’s torso was littered, absolutely _covered_ in marks. There was almost too much to take in. He had various bruises dotting his skin. Somebody had grabbed his upper arms hard enough to leave finger prints. White, raised scars crisscrossed his torso, curling across his stomach and chest. A few whipped around his arms and around to his back. She’d seen glimpses of the scars elsewhere on his body, but Leia had no idea of the true extent of the scarring. Worst of all, of course, were the twin brands, one over Ben’s heart and one square in the center of his back at the base of his neck. Like he was cattle, like he was a thing that could be lost and then recovered. Lost luggage, a monogrammed jacket. Something like that. She couldn’t even fathom the cruelty needed to leave these marks on another person. The scars looked old, but the brands were newer.

Ben stood stiff with his arms at his sides, staring at the far wall with a blank expression on his face, like he was just doing his best to weather their examination.

Even Holdo was taken aback by the extent of Ben’s injuries. She had to school her face back into calm.

Holdo walked up a little closer, examining the scars without touching him at first. “Well, they’ve healed over, at least… have you lost any sensation?”

Ben didn’t really respond to that. It was probably the last thing on his mind.

Holdo stood behind him. “Can I touch you? Just on your back.” She asked gently.

Ben shot a glance back at her, seemingly confused as to why she would even be asking. He shrugged in assent.

Holdo pressed two fingers over a particularly thick piece of scar tissue. “Can you feel this?”

“Yeah,” Ben said.

“On a scale of one to ten, how much sensation is there on this spot?”

He paused in thought. “Um. Seven.”

Holdo nodded, moved on. “Okay, that’s not too bad. How about here?”

“Eight?” He said. He kept glancing back at her, a little confused about the purpose of this.

She kept going, touching his arms and chest and back. He kept giving high numbers, so Holdo wasn’t too worried about permanent loss of feeling.

“That’s good. More than good. There’s even a chance that you will get most of your feeling back eventually. Either way, I’m not too worried about it. Thank you very much. You did good.” Holdo smiled at him.

Ben relaxed a little from her praise. “I told you. Hux took good care of me.”

The brands were a lot newer, but they were nearly completely healed, and didn’t look like they were a cause for concern when it came to his physical health. His psychological health was a whole other question. Holdo glanced briefly at his piercings, but they were all healed, so she left them alone. Leia hated the ring through his nose, but knew they were already pushing their luck, so decided to leave that for another day.

Holdo paused again when it came to examine the rest of Ben. Her normally vibrant purple hair looked muted, sad in this environment. “Okay, Kylo. I know this next part might be difficult. I’m going to ask you if you’re comfortable taking your pants off so I can check the rest of you too.”

Ben’s hands immediately fell to his waistband. He was prepared to strip in front of this total stranger without a second thought. His expression was far away, turned inwards. It was almost like he wasn’t completely here, like he had disassociated for this part of the proceedings.

Holdo put a hand over his. “Woah, woah. Wait. I’m not telling you you have to. I’m asking if you’re comfortable with it. You can say no if you don’t want to. That would be perfectly understandable.”

Ben turned his confused expression on the doctor. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, voice flat, exhausted. Resigned.

Holdo withdrew. Ben wasted no time taking off the oversized sweatpants he’d been wearing since they got him back. On first glance, it wasn’t nearly as bad as his torso. That was, until Leia noticed several key details. His legs were covered in the same scars as the rest of his body, so that wasn’t a surprise. He had distinctive bruising on his hips, like from fingers gripping him. Bruises he could only have gotten in one way. Leia’s blood boiled.

Holdo saved any deeper questioning for later, for now just focusing on his physical well-being. She examined him from head to toe, always asking before she touched him so he knew what to expect. She poked and prodded, asking him whether things hurt. She spent the most time on his right ankle. Even Leia could see how it was just out of true. Holdo asked Ben how much trouble he had walking on it, and a dozen other small questions meant to judge whether it would need to be treated, if it even could at this point.

Ben answered all of her questions in a blank monotone. He didn’t seem to be self-conscious or uncomfortable at being naked in front of other people. It didn’t seem to register very much with him at all. Leia wished it did. Once Holdo was finished, she told him he could go take a shower. Leia had scrounged up a change of clothes for him. Ben disappeared into the attached bathroom without a word, carrying the clothes.

Once the bathroom door was shut and they heard the sound of the shower, Leia called in Luke from the hallway where he’d been hovering. Holdo quickly briefed him, and Leia watched her brother’s face harden and twist as he heard the inventory of cruelty that had been visited upon his nephew.

Holdo sighed. She looked tired after the examination. “Physically? He’s better than I feared. I know it was shocking to see all of that, but most of it has already healed as much as it’s going to. I’m most worried about that ankle. Without an X-ray, it’s hard to tell, but it sounds to me like it wasn’t treated for at least a few days after it was broken, and as a result, it’s visibly crooked. If this was a recent injury, I would suggest re-breaking and re-setting it, but it’s not a new injury. The bone has already set in its current position. I would suggest for now, just keeping an eye on it. If it started giving him serious problems, we might want to revisit that. But for now, I think you’ve got enough problems on your plate.”

“You’re telling me that he broke Ben’s ankle and just… _left_ it like that? For days?” Luke growled.

“From what I’ve seen, I’m sorry to say that’s the least of it.” Holdo said.

Neither Luke nor Leia had a response to that.

“So, like I said. Physically, he’ll be okay. Psychologically, I really can’t say. I’ve never seen anyone so traumatized. I think it’s really important that you try to foster a sense of self again, let him know that his needs are important and responded to. I don’t think you can do much right now to change his mind about Hux. I think that will just come with time.” Holdo said.

“I wish there was some simple fix, some easy way we could snap him out of it. I hate seeing him like this.” Leia said, miserable.

“I know, but I think-”

Luke interrupted them, smiling over at Ben, who had emerged from the bathroom, hair wet and new clothes on. “Hey! Feeling a little better? I bet that shower felt good.”

“Yes. Thank you.” Ben said mechanically. He stood there, twisting his hands and waiting for further instructions.

As they all filed out into the hallway to see Holdo off, Leia wished for the dozenth time she could just hug Ben. He stood behind them, silent and lost. She saw very little in this lost shell of her son. The idea crossed her mind that there might not be anything left of him. The idea terrified her, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I think Kylo is much farther gone than any of his family anticipated, and they have no idea how to help him... Oof. Thank you as always for reading. I appreciate it!


	30. Chapter 30

Kylo spent the whole afternoon sitting on the couch in the living room. He didn’t know what else to do. People hovered around him, had private conversations in other rooms, probably about him, and otherwise walked on eggshells around him, spoke in hushed tones as if he were dying instead of… whatever he was.

Kylo was used to people talking about him without his input. He had long passed the point where this bothered him. What did was how _cautious_ everyone was around him. They spoke to him carefully, asked him endless questions about what he wanted to do. Did he want to take a walk? Did he want some pizza, and if so, what kind? Maybe not pizza, but any other kind of food? Thai? Sub sandwiches? Fried chicken? Did he maybe want to read a book or watch a movie? Kylo almost said yes to that one just so he could avoid a conversation until Rey perched on the couch beside him and handed him the remote. The scrolling list of possible movies was endless, overwhelming. He felt his stomach roil and he handed the remote back to her silently.

They kept trying to make him _choose_ things. They kept asking him what he wanted, and then gave him no guidelines or clues as to what was the correct answer. He still couldn’t figure out what they wanted from him. Sure, they were being nice to him _now_, soft-spoken and gentle, but what about when he chose, and he chose wrong? Their eyebrows would tighten, their mouths would thin. He didn’t know what would happen then. They had already taken Hux away from him, had stolen him from his home. Whatever they did to him next was surely bound to be even worse. The very thought of incurring their displeasure had him feeling loose and nervous. What if he couldn’t give them what they wanted, and they killed Hux to punish him? He couldn’t bear that. He simply couldn’t.

All he wanted, all he needed was for someone to tell him what to do. But these people seemed curiously unwilling to do that. It was like they were trying to trap him into the wrong decision. He felt unsure, nervous, like he was hovering over a dark pit with unsteady footing. When Hux had wanted something from him, he didn’t beat around the bush, he didn’t try and trick him into making a mistake. He had just laid out the rules and his expectations quite clearly, and then it was up to Kylo to follow them or not at his own peril. Hux had known what he needed. Hux had known how to make him feel safe.

So Kylo sat on the couch, picking at the sleeve of the shirt that they had given him. He didn’t like wearing clothes that weren’t Hux’s. He picked at the hem of the shirt, pulling it up over his nose so he could inhale. Hux’s clothes had always smelled solid, familiar. This shirt had the empty scent of oft-washed fabric. Run through the machine over and over again and wrung out until there was nothing left of it.

He wished that they would have given him a task to do at least, but they’d told him to sit on the couch, so he did. It was phrased as a question, they’d asked if he’d wanted to rest or do something else, but Kylo, finally relieved he was given a choice with only two options, sat. They clearly wanted to keep an eye on him. This would make them happy.

At some point, Leia had come into the room and told him she had to leave for a few hours to take care of a few things, that she’d be back as soon as she could. Kylo wondered if she was going to check in with Hux. She’d looked at him with an inscrutable expression, leaned forward abruptly like she wanted to kiss his forehead or brush his hair back. She didn’t. Kylo wondered why not. Maybe she found him repulsive, maybe she didn’t want to touch him. What Snoke had said to him had sunk in a little. Of course Leia didn’t want a beaten-down, pathetic creature like him for a son. She looked older than he remembered her being. She looked more run-down. He guessed that made two of them.

After she left, Kylo sat with his knees pulled up to his chest looking blankly out the window. He had to figure out some way to get them to allow him to see Hux. They must be keeping him away because he was being punished for something. What, Kylo wasn’t sure.

Everything was just so confusing, and he knew if he could just see Hux, even for a _second_, things would make sense again. Hux would tell him what to do. That’s what he needed. That’s what would make things right.

Sometime around early afternoon, the front door opened and footsteps came down the hall. Kylo looked over to see his father enter the room, holding a plastic bag full of something. He smiled, but Kylo was by now adept at sensing the sincerity of emotion, the danger hidden behind a placid mask. Han’s smile just looked pained. “Hey, kiddo. How are you doing?”

Kylo just stared at him, unsure of how to respond. The other day, Han had been the one most obviously angry with him, and he still couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted from him. It seemed safer not to react until he could feel him out a little more. He didn’t want to run the risk of Han getting angry.

Han’s smile dimmed a little at Kylo’s nonresponse. “Hey, I thought you could use some company. How do you feel about helping me out with a little project?”

Kylo nodded immediately. Project. Okay. Han wanted him to do something. Good. Finally, orders he could follow. He stood up silently, hands at his sides, waiting for instruction.

Han winced, but tried to pass it off with a cough. He put a broad hand on Kylo’s back, and very gently started to steer him toward the back door. Kylo had to fight back his instinctive flinch. Han so far had seemed to be upset when Kylo reacted too much. Hux would sometimes get annoyed with Kylo for cringing back when he touched him, told him to stop acting like he had the right to avoid him. Kylo had to work hard to not react whenever Hux grabbed his wrist or tugged his hair or put an arm around his shoulder. Maybe Han was the same way. Kylo could understand that. Why would anyone want somebody else whimpering and flinching all the time when they got close? It had to be annoying. Kylo tried to be better about that.

Han led him out to the back porch. There was an unfinished vegetable garden in the yard with a half-finished wooden fence around it. Dirt was overturned, the soil ready for something to plant once spring came. Kylo noticed the bag Han was holding was from the hardware store.

Han walked out into the yard. He upended the bag to dump a few wooden pegs and a pack of nails on the ground. There were already a few wooden boards piled on the grass. He beckoned Kylo closer.

Kylo was still standing in the threshold of the doorway. The prospect of going outside had him sweating. It was okay when Phasma made him do it, because Hux had told her to, and he really hadn’t had a chance to think about it the other day when they took him from Snoke’s bunker, but now, the old terror of leaving the house flowed over him again. He was meant to be kept inside, not go outside where anything could happen. His palms felt sweaty, and he wiped them on his pants, sure Han didn’t want to deal with him when he was like that.

Han had busied himself but looked up again when Kylo didn’t come any closer. “Ben. It’s okay. Come on over here, I want you to help me with something.”

He was smiling weakly again, but Kylo knew this was an order. Han wanted him to do something, and that something had to be done outside. There was nothing for it. With a guilty look backward, Kylo took one step outside. His heart started racing, and he kind of wanted to collapse onto his knees. If it were up to him, he would run back into the house and slam the door behind him, but he didn’t have that option. He walked toward his father, every step feeling monumental, like he was wading through molasses. He tried to keep the sheer panic he felt off his face. Han didn’t want to see it, so he had to just endure this in silence.

He got down next to Han on the ground, tucking his knees under him like he’d been taught. It was midwinter, but an unseasonably warm day, so it was fine to be out here for a little bit.

Han busied himself with the work. He was always more comfortable when he had something to do.

“I was supposed to get this thing built for Luke ages ago, and it’s been sitting here undone for a couple years. I was all set up to get it done when… well, when you…” Han trailed off into silence and looked helplessly at Kylo. Kylo stared down at his hands. That felt safer than meeting his eyes. “Well, anyway, I didn’t feel like getting any work done for a long time, but now, I thought it would be good if we could get it done before spring comes, so Luke can get some planting done. I thought it would be nice if you helped me with it. What do you think?”

“What do you want me to do?” Kylo asked in a monotone. He wanted to get this done as quickly as possible so he could go back inside. He had the not-so-rational thought that someone was going to come around the side of the house and hit him, drag him off by his hair somewhere where he would be punished for leaving the house. He knew it wasn’t going to happen, but he kept glancing over his shoulder anyway, just in case.

Han held out a handful of wooden pegs for him to take and directed him to slot them into place while he held the wooden boards. Kylo did as instructed, his fingers feeling clumsy and strange. This was new territory for him, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing.

Han was still talking, anything to fill the silence. “It’ll be nice once summer rolls around. You’ll see. Luke was saying he’ll do some tomatoes, maybe carrots. Rabbits go crazy for those things, so we’ll have to think of some way to keep them out.”

Kylo jolted so hard he knocked one of the boards with his elbow, collapsing the precarious balance they’d erected. His hands were shaking and he had to tuck them between his knees to stop them. He blinked hot tears back.

Han stared at him wide-eyed. “What? What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

Kylo suddenly missed Clarence with a pang so hard it was like she was freshly gone. It was usually best that he didn’t think of her at all, otherwise his mind would go in circles about the day when she’d run away (_small, limp body hitting the water_) and Kylo had hoped she’d found a warm den somewhere near plenty of food, but other times, he had his doubts (_moonlight on a snowy field, Hux gripping a furry body with a broken neck_) even though Hux had done his best to comfort him afterwards.

Kylo bit his lips and shook his head, fighting back the quavering sound that he was sure would be in his voice when he spoke. He hunched his shoulders and put his hands over his face. It took every fiber of his being not to start crying. He knew Han didn’t want to see that. Han seemed to get angry when he was upset, so he needed to stop it, he needed to get a hold of himself _right now_, because he couldn’t afford to have Han angry at him, not now, he couldn’t take it.

Han had a hand hovering over his shoulder, like he wasn’t sure if he should try to hug Kylo or leave him alone. “Woah, hey, if I said something wrong… I didn’t mean to… I… Ben, what did I _say_?”

Kylo raised his head with a force of will. He moved to get back to work on the fence. Just because he was having a hard time didn’t mean Han should have to deal with his laziness. He saw the knocked-over boards. They really hadn’t gotten very far at all, but what little progress they’d made was now lying on the ground in pieces.

Kylo heaved in a shuddery breath. “Oh _no_… I broke it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’ll fix it, I’ll make it better, I didn’t- I don’t – What do you want me to-?”

Han was stiff watching Kylo’s display with something bordering panic. He didn’t know how to handle this. He barely glanced at the fence like it wasn’t important. “Oh, that. It’s not important. It’s beyond saving, really, now what’s wrong?”

Kylo cringed back from Han’s hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t stop himself this time. It was beyond saving. Of course it was, he’d fucked it up, that’s why, he’d broken it, and now Han would be so angry that he didn’t even want him to try and fix it. That’s how bad it was. He couldn’t even help build a simple vegetable hutch, how stupid could he be?

Kylo moaned with his hands held up to his face. “You don’t want me to-” He wavered.

Han waved a hand at it gruffly. “No. Forget it, Ben. You just need to take a break.”

Kylo stiffened. Okay. He knew what that meant. Hux would say that sometimes when Kylo was being too difficult or slow or stupid to finish a task right. Hux would stop his feeble attempts at apologizing with a hard look. _Kylo, you need to take a break_, he’d snap. That meant get in the other room, get on the ground, and wait for Hux to devise an appropriate punishment. It meant he’d lost his chances to atone.

Kylo stumbled to his feet and fled back to the house, in his distress still relieved that he got to go back inside. He ran inside, narrowly avoiding running headlong into Luke, who had been coming to see what they were doing outside.

“Hey, what’s going on-” Luke said, staring after him in confusion.

Kylo ran back into the living room. This was where they’d put him before, so this must be where they wanted him. He sank to his knees and first covered his head with his arms protectively, but then sat up again. Hux didn’t like it when he did that. He’d always wanted him available for him. Kylo clasped his hands in his lap, choked noises coming out of him that he was helpless to stop.

Luke and Han ran into the room, and Kylo lowered his eyes to the carpet, his shoulders coming up to his ears.

“What happened?” Luke demanded.

Han spluttered for a moment. “I don’t know, he just-”

Luke hunkered down in front of him, softened his voice. “Hey, what happened?”

Kylo shivered, his panicked eyes jumping from Luke to his father, waiting for him to explain. It wasn’t for him to say how bad he’d fucked up.

“I thought he could help me with the hutch for your garden, and then he just… panicked. I don’t know…” Han trailed off.

Kylo stared at Han, a little confused. He wasn’t angry? “Aren’t you going to punish me?” He asked quietly, voice a little croaky.

Han looked like he’d been punched in the sternum. “What? Why would I do that?” He asked, strengthless.

“I broke the fence.” Kylo said like it was obvious.

Han shook his head helplessly. “I don’t _care_ about that! It doesn’t matter! Get up, _please_. I’m not angry with you.”

Kylo blinked in confusion. That didn’t make any sense. He’d done something wrong. When he did something wrong, he was punished. Immediately. He needed it. How else would he know he was forgiven? “But… I did something wrong…” He said slowly. Maybe this was a test. Maybe he’d missed something he was supposed to be apologizing for. He just couldn’t think what it was.

Han was completely at a loss. “No, you didn’t!” He cried.

Kylo shook his head, lost. “But… You have to hurt me, or…”

Han cut him off decisively. “No. I’m not going to do that. Luke isn’t going to do that. We are _not_ going to hurt you. Understand? It’s not happening.”

Kylo stared at him. He didn’t know why Han was making more of a big deal out of this than he was. All Han needed to do was hit him a few times. If he didn’t, Kylo wouldn’t know he was forgiven. He felt shaky, unfulfilled, strange as it was. He couldn’t imagine what else Han would want out of him.

Luke spoke up. “You can make mistakes without… without us getting angry. You understand that, right?”

Kylo was only feeling more and more exasperated as they went along. What they were saying to him didn’t make any sense. “But…”

Luke stopped him gently. “We’re not going to hurt you, Ben. You don’t have anything to be forgiven for.”

Kylo closed his mouth, nodded, and dropped his eyes. He sat there quietly until they stepped out into the hallway to have a hushed discussion. He dug his fingers into the muscles of his thighs. He didn’t know what to do. He still had that achy, unfulfilled sensation he got right before Hux would punish him, without the relief of it being over. He always knew when it was over, that he’d endured as well as he could, and now things could go back to normal. Now, he was stuck on that anticipation, on that shaky _please-please-let-me-make-it-better_ feeling that Hux could use to get him to do anything.

He couldn’t stay like this. They didn’t seem to know that he needed this, that in order to be forgiven, he needed to first atone.

Kylo stood up slowly and walked to the bathroom. He’d somehow come to a decision, his brain deciding he had to act if Han and Luke wouldn’t. He turned the water on and began to fill the bathtub with freezing cold water. He stared down at the water without seeing it. He moved mechanically, not putting any thought into what he was doing. It had to be done, that was all.

When the tub was full, he climbed into it, fully clothed, and put his head under the water. He felt reasonably confident he would be able to keep himself from getting out of the water for long enough to at least inhale a few lungfuls of water. Hopefully that would be enough. He opened his eyes underwater, looking up at the ceiling and breathed out, watching the bubbles rise to the surface in a flurry of activity. He only had to wait about thirty seconds before it started to hurt. He planted his hands around the faucet, anchoring his back firmly on the bottom of the tub. In about a minute, his lungs were screaming and his arms were trembling, and he only managed to stay under by thinking of Hux. _Hux would want this_, he repeated frantically to himself, even as black spots danced in front of his eyes and he very nearly gave up. He choked on his first mouthful of water right as the bathroom door was flung open so hard it hit the far wall.

Han sprinted into the room, yanking Kylo upright so his head was out of the tub. Kylo coughed and spluttered, leaning over the side of the tub and coughing up water so hard his ribs hurt.

Han was pleading with him. “Why did you do that? Oh God, Ben, why did you _do that_? Don’t scare me like that, don’t ever do that again, don’t _ever_ do that again! Understand me? You have to promise me, please, _please_.”

Kylo wasn’t in any condition to promise him anything. As he felt consciousness slide away from him, he had one clear thought: _Hux would have been proud_.

* * *

A few days later, Kylo was in the house with Luke and Rey. He was back in the living room. After his disastrous near drowning, they’d kept a closer eye on him, but they also hadn’t asked him to do anything else. It was almost a relief.

Kylo had been up all night thinking about how to get them to allow him to see Hux. As far as he could see, he wasn’t any closer to being able to see him. He thought maybe if he proved his usefulness, they would change their mind.

He thought about it for a long time, and then waited patiently for someone to come into the room. He knew he shouldn’t get up from where they’d put him until he had permission. Eventually, Luke walked in with a cup of coffee and a book that had clearly not been opened. It was just there as a prop. He smiled at Kylo. “Hey there. Mind if I join you? Thought you could use some company.”

Kylo cleared his throat softly. His hands were pooled in his lap. “Um, sir, I wanted to ask-”

Luke cut him off with a grimace. “Don’t call me that.”

Kylo froze. He’d managed to fuck up already, and he hadn’t even gotten to ask his question. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean – I thought you’d want – Sorry.” He looked down at his lap and bit his lip, cursing himself.

Luke immediately realized that his tone had sounded awfully harsh. “No, Ben, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that, I just… I don’t want you to feel like… Nothing’s changed between us, okay? We’re your family, I’m your uncle, and we all just want you to know that you’re safe here. You don’t need to treat us any different. Okay?”

Kylo stared at Luke. He wasn’t sure what to say. His memory was fairly dim. He remembered the last time he saw his uncle, before all this started. After he’d fucked up, after he’d gotten those men killed, when his mother had banished him from her office, Luke sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, not looking at him, clearly disappointed. They’d made it clear to Kylo that he needed to clean up his act, fly straight. He couldn’t help but feel like this was a test.

He nodded carefully.

Luke sighed, like he knew he wasn’t getting through. “What was it you wanted to ask?”

Kylo lifted his eyes carefully. “I was wondering… Can I go to the kitchen and make some food for everyone? I want to be helpful.”

Luke looked surprised. “Uh, well, of course. You don’t have to ask. You can do whatever you want.”

Kylo nodded eagerly. “Thank you.” He stood up and made his way to the kitchen. He looked in the pantry and the fridge, trying to figure out what could be assembled from the ingredients at hand. Hux would usually have a list pinned to the fridge where Kylo could write down what he needed to make dinner. Hux would buy him whatever he needed.

Eventually, he figured out he had the ingredients for beef stroganoff, probably enough for at least four, maybe five people. He didn’t need to eat that much anyway. This was something he’d picked up as he went along. Before Hux, Kylo wouldn’t have been able to assemble this, let alone from scratch. Like many things, his skill in the kitchen had been a survival mechanism. Just another thing he could do to make Hux happy.

After about half an hour, Rey walked through the door cautiously and hovered on the other side of the room. Kylo was standing over the stove, watching broth heat up so it didn’t boil over.

Rey played with the string on her sweatshirt with nervous energy. She was still looking at him like he was a complete stranger, like she didn’t know what to say to him but wanted to try.

“Hey,” she said carefully.

Kylo glanced up at her and then back down again. If he didn’t know how to behave around his mother and Luke, that went double for Rey. He didn’t know how he failed to recognize her the other day, but she still felt like someone very far away from him, from another life. They all did.

“Smells good, by the way.” Rey said awkwardly after a long silence.

“Thank you,” Kylo muttered, not looking her in the eyes.

There was another long pause. They used to be able to hold a conversation for hours, just the two of them, with barely a pause between topics, shifting to the next thing with barely a breath.

Rey approached, looking over the stovetop. Kylo had broth boiling in one pot, and a mushroom sauce heating up in another. “Wow, that looks amazing. Since when do you know how to cook? I thought you could burn water.”

She flushed immediately after saying that. She had been trying a half-hearted attempt at humor, a last-ditch stab at pretending things were normal, but that popped the bubble. She knew where he had learned to cook. She could guess why too.

Rey looked at him askance. “Did he…” She broke off, considered her words carefully. “Did he make you cook for him?”

“He didn’t _make_ me do anything. I don’t know why all you keep-” Kylo said through gritted teeth. He suddenly had a vivid memory of standing in the kitchen, woozy, swaying from loss of blood, the bones of his ankle grinding together as he struggled with the very simple task of boiling some noodles while he felt like collapsing or vomiting, seeing Hux sitting at the table drinking wine and watching him with a placid look on his face, like Kylo’s agony was of no matter to him. Kylo stiffened, banishing that memory with the force of a slammed door. That was before things got better. He didn’t like thinking about those long months before things had improved.

“It was just a question. I’d like to know more about what you went through. Maybe… maybe it would make it easier if you talked about it.” Rey said softly.

Kylo’s vision swum. He was filled with a sudden, poisonous hatred for the woman standing next to him. Just the other day she’d said she thought Hux deserved to die, and now she was pretending to be interested in him. Kylo knew he shouldn’t be feeling this kind of resentment, that he wasn’t allowed, but he couldn’t help himself. His quick mouth had never ceased to get him in trouble.

“I know why you’re really asking. You just want to trick me into saying something bad about Hux, so you can use that as a reason to kill him. I’m not going to let you. Somebody has to protect him.” He spat, looking at her finally. His hands were clenched into fists. His neck felt bare, so bare. He wanted to wrap himself around Hux, where he was safe again, where he was held.

Rey took one step back, looking at him with dark eyes, her lip trembling like she was trying not to cry. This just made Kylo angrier. What did she have to cry about? She got everything she wanted. Hux, locked away, Kylo miserable. It wasn’t fair, that after everything he had gone through, he was _still_ unhappy. His pulse beat behind his eyes.

Rey looked at him for a moment longer before fleeing the room. Kylo turned around and pushed his back against the wall. The old Kylo would have shouted now, punched a wall in fury. The new Kylo could only shake with nerves. He should never have spoken to her like that. Now she would tell Leia, who would use it as just another piece of evidence to bury Hux in the ground. He was so _stupid_. Hux was counting on him, and he couldn’t even do this right. He pressed his palms against his eyes and took a deep breath in and out.

He finished making dinner, setting the sauce to simmer on the stove while he set the table. He didn’t know when Leia was coming back, but he knew he had to have everything right if he had a chance of getting what he wanted. When he finished, he slid his back against the wall and waited patiently.

Eventually, he heard the front door open and murmured voices as people returned. He heard Luke and Leia’s hushed tones. He strained his ears, managed to catch the snatched phrases _hasn’t even tried to bargain_ and _one tough bastard_ before the front door opened again. A third voice joined the mix. It was his father. Kylo was surprised to hear him. Han had disappeared before, and he’d kind of thought he had other business that was more pressing than him. He tried to tell himself that thought didn’t bother him.

Kylo was startled as he heard Han growl angrily, “_I’m going to fucking kill the son of a bitch, Leia! I’m going over there right now and I’m going to-_”

He was hurriedly hushed, but a heated conversation continued.

Kylo got to his feet carefully, and padded closer to the door, peering around the corner to see if he could understand them better.

He saw his father standing across from Leia and Luke, with all the wiry energy and loose confidence that Kylo himself used to have. In this moment, he saw Han as he’d never seen him before. No matter the misfortune or calamity that befell Han, he always managed to shrug it off, pretend at an easy indifference that may or may not have been real. This was something Kylo had not inherited from his father. He had always been more like Leia, emotional, impulsive, prone to bouts of passion, whether it be good or bad. Han had always been the odd man out in their family, the one that never seemed to care too hard or too much. However, in this moment, Kylo barely recognized his father. He looked murderous.

Leia had a hand on his arm and was trying to calm him down. “Han, please, keep your voice down. Ben is in the other room. He might hear you.”

Han broke away from her, paced away, running his hands through his hair. “Leia, you would not be this calm if you’d seen what I saw. That house… It was just… He kept our son in a cage. A _cage_, like some wild animal or something. That’s not even the worst of it. The shit I found in that house, it’s… inhumane. It’s _evil_. I don’t think we have the slightest idea what went on. There were leather straps on that bed, like he’d…”

Han trailed off. The three of them were silent. Kylo backed away. His plan hinged on them being happy with him, and they wouldn’t be if they caught him eavesdropping.

Eventually, they came into the kitchen, drawn by the smell of cooking food. Rey trailed in behind them. Kylo stood up.

Leia looked pleasantly surprised. “Wow, what’s this?”

Kylo stood straight with his hands clasped behind his back, like Hux liked him to be. Respectful, but still available. “I made dinner. I wanted to be useful.”

This comment elicited a pained look from Leia, although she didn’t say anything.

Luke padded over to take a look at the pot on the stove. “Well, I didn’t even know I had half this stuff in the kitchen. Where’d you find the mushrooms?”

“I found two cans at the bottom of the pantry; I hope that’s okay.” Kylo said. He watched Luke frown and jumped to backpedal in case he’d done something wrong. “If you didn’t want me to use those, I’m sorry.”

Luke glanced over in surprise. “No, Ben, no need. I was just surprised you managed to whip this up out of nowhere, that’s all.”

They all stood silently after that. Han leaned against the wall, arms crossed. He was the one making Kylo the most nervous right now. He was clearly displeased with Kylo in some way, but he didn’t say how, so Kylo had no opportunity to change. Hux had always told him exactly how he wanted him to behave. That had been better. No room for error.

“Well, we might as well dig in, hm, especially since Ben worked so hard on this.” Leia broke the silence, attempting a cheery tone of voice and not entirely succeeding.

The rest of them reluctantly came over to the stove and started to dish up. Kylo watched them, biting his lip and waiting for the perfect time to ask his question.

He let them dig in a little. Even though there was a dining room table, they were all standing around the counter instead. It seemed like a concession to the fact that things weren’t, in fact, normal.

Kylo took a deep breath. “Can I… can I ask for something?”

Leia set her fork down. She looked pleased that he was speaking up. “Yes, of course, dear. Anything you want.”

Kylo looked down at his hands. He twisted them together, tearing at his nails. “I was just… I was just wondering since… since I’ve been good and, uh, done what you asked me… I wanted to see Hux.”

There was a thunderous silence. He chanced a glance up. All four of them had expressions so closed off he almost couldn’t bring himself to keep going, but he forced himself to. This was for Hux. It was important.

“Absolutely not.” Han cut in, expression furious.

“Just… for a little bit…” Kylo trailed off, his voice strengthless.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, honey.” Leia said, trying to keep the peace. Her hair was coming loose from her tightly coiffed bun. This seemed like a betrayal in some unnamable way. The Leia that Kylo knew would never have let that slide.

Kylo blinked hot tears away. He knew he should sit down, shut up, and not aggravate them anymore. He was teetering dangerously close to disobedience here. But, they didn’t seem to be any closer to letting him see Hux. The longer he spent away from Hux, the more panicky he felt.

“Why not?” He asked, voice wavering. “What do I have to do? I’ll do anything you want. Just... tell me what to do… _please_.”

“Ben… no matter what we decide to do with him, we’re not going to let him near you.” Luke explained.

Icy fear gripped Kylo’s heart. _Ever?_ “You don’t understand. I need to see him. I _need_ to. I don’t know why you won’t let me talk to him. Did I do something wrong? What do I have to do?”

Han’s face broke. “Ben, you didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing. That piece of shit did _everything_ wrong. I won’t let a man who tortured and brainwashed my son near him again.”

Frustration welled up in him no matter how hard he tried to tamp it down. He wasn’t allowed to feel things like this, and he knew that. “You all keep saying that! How would you know? You weren’t there. You don’t know anything.”

“I might not have been there, but I know what my eyes tell me. You keep acting like he was good to you, when what he was really doing was torturing you! Putting you in a cage was torture. Giving you those scars was torture. Treating you like a fucking animal on a leash was torture! Tying you to a bed so he could…” Han couldn’t even finish the sentence. He swallowed. “That’s torture.”

Nerves clustered in Kylo’s stomach. He stared at the wall intently. It was too dangerous to meet any of their eyes. Maybe if he made them understand, they would relent. “It wasn’t… it wasn’t like that… not all the time. He was nice… he got me a r-rabbit before she ran away.”

Han shook his head. He took a few steps forward. “Yeah, I’ll bet he did. Just another thing to use to keep you in line. I sure didn’t see a rabbit hopping around the place when I was there, so what happened to it? Did he kill it?”

“No!” Kylo exclaimed. In his mind’s eye he saw her running down the driveway and disappearing and then that was it. He didn’t remember anything after that. Bile rose up his throat. “She – she ran away, the door was left open-”

“A door he left open, maybe.” Han said.

Kylo backed away, putting his hands over his ears. He felt like he was being attacked. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I don’t know why…”

“Because I want you to stop looking at us like we’re holding you hostage!” Han pleaded.

Kylo felt everything that had happened over the past few days and weeks pile up on him all at once. First, he’d had to get used to not being with Hux and then he’d had to survive Snoke. He’d gotten Hux back only to lose him again, this time maybe for good. These people said they loved him, that they wanted the best for him, but everything they did hurt him. The news that they weren’t going to let him see Hux was the last straw. That deep well of anger inside of him, the one that never _ever_ failed to get him in trouble, overflowed, and he finally snapped.

“_YOU ARE!_” He screamed suddenly, surprising himself along with everyone else. “You keep talking and talking and _talking_ about all the horrible things Hux did to me, but the only people making me do something against my will right now is _you_.”

The four of them stepped back, faces white and shocked. Kylo should stop, but once he’d started, he couldn’t close that valve.

“You keep trying to tell me how I feel, but I was happy! I was so _happy_, I don’t know what part of that you don’t understand, I don’t know how I can say it to get you to understand. Hux loves me and I love him and how he treats me isn’t any of your da – damn business!” Kylo spat, voice breaking on every other word. He felt possessed with mania, like he would just keep screaming and screaming until he blew away in the wind.

Luke spoke up, voice soft and careful. “We just want to keep you safe.”

Kylo paced back and forth, tearing at his hair, wishing the collar was still around his neck so he could tug at it and feel that familiar, reassuring weight. “You won’t let me see him, you won’t let me leave so I can go home, you won’t let me do _anything_! All of you want to pretend that everything can go back to the way it was before. Well, it can’t! I’m different now, I’m not Ben, no matter how many times you call me that. He’s dead, he died, and I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment that I can’t be who you want me to be anymore, but I _can’t_!”

Luke took a hesitant step forward with one hand outstretched. “Hey-”

Kylo faced them, eyes filled with furious tears, chest heaving. “You want to talk about the awful things Hux has done? How about what _you_ did? Luke, you kicked me to the curb the second I made a mistake, like you never did anything stupid when you were young. I’ve heard the stories, I’ve heard about everything you and Dad pulled when you were younger. You almost got Mom _killed_ when you were younger because you owed some guy money!”

He turned his attention on Han. Han stood there, mouth open, arms loose. He looked ineffectual, and flighty, and _old_. “And, Dad, why are you even _here_? You never cared about me, you never cared about Mom, you were too busy driving around the country trying to recapture your glory days like you didn’t have a family. Well, maybe Mom needed you around. Did you ever think about that? Maybe _I_ needed-”

Kylo’s throat closed up. He had had so much time to think over the past year and a half. The only way he’d been able to justify his family not coming for him was by curdling their memory into something dim and poisonous. Hux had helped it along, but Kylo had done most of the legwork itself. Nobody had come to rescue him, so it had to be for a reason. It was the only way he stayed sane.

“And you, Rey! You’re standing there pretending like we’re still friends. How could we be after what happened? You were supposed to back me up that day on the docks, and you didn’t. What was so important, what was so damn important that you weren’t there when I got – when I was…” He couldn’t continue.

It seemed like every horrible thought he’d ever had was coming out of him now, and he had no power to stop it. This was the first time since he’d been with Hux that he was allowed to express negative emotions, to purge some of the frustration and helplessness that he’d felt every single day of his captivity. He was screaming at them, but in some roundabout way, he was also screaming at Hux. This was not something that Kylo was able to recognize consciously, but none of his family interrupted him, because they knew he needed this, that after all the terror he’d been put through, he was _owed_ this. Hux would never have allowed this to go on as long as it had, but that was the thing about real love and not just control; sometimes you allowed someone’s claws to pierce your arm because you knew they couldn’t help it.

Leia stepped forward before the rest of them, eyes swimming. She didn’t try to stop him, didn’t try to defend herself or move any closer. She just waited for her judgement.

When Kylo’s voice finally returned, it was hoarse. He had just enough left in him to finish this. “Mom, you sent me in there, and I can’t think of a reason why you’d do that to me unless you wanted me to learn some kind of a lesson. Well, it worked. I hope you’re happy.”

Silence reined in the kitchen for a very long time.

Kylo’s palms were sweaty, his heart was racing, he felt shaky like he’d just overexerted himself. The second he stopped talking, he felt like some overwhelming force had purged its way out of his body. He couldn’t believe he’d said those things. He had no idea what had come over him. He stared around at his parents, at Rey, at Luke. They were all gobsmacked, shocked, _guilty_. That was what confused him the most.

Rey broke the silence. Tears streaked down her face. “I’m so _sorry_.” She choked.

The novelty of someone apologizing to _him_ was enough to break the manic spell. Kylo rocketed back into his body at the speed of light. What he’d said over the past few minutes came back to him in dizzy shock, and cold, familiar terror slid down his spine. He couldn’t believe he’d said things like that, he _couldn’t_ say things like that.

He stumbled back a step, his hands coming up to his mouth, eyes widening. “Oh, _God_,” He gasped.

“Ben, it’s okay-” Leia began to speak.

All logical thought left him. He knew exactly what happened when talked back like this: he was punished. After the magnitude of what he had just said, it didn’t even occur to him to think that they would hurt Hux to punish him. That was too complex a thought. What he was feeling now hit him right down to the bone: they were going to hurt him. Badly. That’s what Hux would do, after all. It was going to be just like his escape attempt, but maybe even _worse_. His ankle twinged in remembered pain, and he stumbled with a cry.

He started babbling in a desperate attempt to make up for what he’d just done, although it wouldn’t work. It never did. “_Oh Jesus, I’m so sorry, I should never have said that, EVER. I didn’t mean it I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me I’m sorry I’m so so so sorry-_”

Somebody was reaching out for him, they were going to grab his arm, twist it behind his back, hit him, throw him on the ground, burn and whip and beat him. He stumbled away with a cry and ran for the door. He heard voices shouting behind him, and every one was angry with the intent to maim, and he did what he’d never been able to successfully do: he ran.

Kylo stumbled out into the dark night, fleeing from the shouting voices behind him, desperate to get away from them. This was too much, everything was too much, the world didn’t make a lick of sense anymore, and he wasn’t running _away_, because he wasn’t allowed to run away, he was running _to_. He had the mindless thought that if he just ran and ran and ran eventually he would find Hux, because he’d never been able to get away from him before, why should things be different now? All paths led to Hux.

He’d made it a block before the voices stopped behind him. They knew he wasn’t worth the trouble, they were letting him go because they were disgusted with him, and really, who wouldn’t be? Kylo ran past houses that were lit up on the inside with warm, golden light, filled with people who loved each other, with people who weren’t broken and tarnished and useless like he was. Kylo realized dimly he was crying.

He wasn’t Ben anymore, so he couldn’t be the son that Leia wanted or the friend that Rey remembered. He had been stripped of Hux’s collar, so he felt like he was cut adrift from him. Maybe Hux wouldn’t even want him anymore. The nose ring was still in place, along with the other markings and piercings, but that was a cold comfort. This was the first time he’d been outside alone in a year and a half, and he was lost. He couldn’t even do that right. He’d spent every weekend of his childhood tooling around Luke’s neighborhood, but none of this looked familiar to him whatsoever.

After walking for what felt like hours, Kylo found himself on a brightly-lit street next to a laundromat, liquor store, and shuttered office buildings. Cars zoomed past him, blowing exhaust into his face. He realized how cold it was out here. He hugged himself and shivered. He was only wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, still no shoes. He was sure anyone would take one look at him and know that he needed to be kept, put away, controlled. He longed for it. He wished Phasma was here. She always had a knack for making him feel put in his place. He missed that mindless, easy obedience. Sitting at Hux’s feet, not a thought in his head. It had been nice.

He wandered for a little while longer, not sure what he was going to do. He didn’t think he would be able to find his way back to Luke’s house if he tried. Oh well. He would just wander until someone told him what to do. That was easy enough.

He drew up next to a bar, listened to the rowdy crowd inside. Someone was singing off-key and the rest of the bar screamed at them to shut up. Kylo was tired, his feet ached, he entered the alley next to the bar and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes just for a moment.

He heard the door burst open and a group of drunk men stumble out, calling out to each other.

“I gotta take a leak!” One of them called, and came down into the mouth of the alley.

“Are you shitting me, we were just in a bar a minute ago. You couldn’t have done it there? You’re a fucking animal, man!” One of the others laughed.

From his position on the wall, he watched the man do his business and then turn around, catching sight of Kylo.

“Woah, what the fuck, man, you scared the shit out of me.” The man said, wavering a little in place. He was wearing a bomber jacket. When Kylo didn’t respond, he took a few steps closer. “Oh Jesus, what happened to you?”

The rest of the man’s friends had come down the alley, wondering what was taking so long. There was the leader, a tall, angular blonde guy, and a couple, a man and a woman with their arms around each other. “What’s taking you so long?” The blonde guy demanded.

“There’s this guy, man! He’s all… fucked up.” The guy in the bomber jacket pointed at Kylo, as if his appearance would explain his lack of words.

The other three drew closer, illuminated by the moonlight above. The blonde guy raised his eyebrows and whistled. “Woah. Who did that to you?”

Kylo didn’t respond, but looked at them eagerly. Maybe these people would be willing to tell him what to do. He’d take anything he could get right now.

The girl nudged her boyfriend. “Look at his fucking neck!” She hissed. “I think someone tried to kill him.”

The boyfriend wavered and tried to focus. He laughed. “Not with those piercings. He was asking for it.” He lurched away from his girlfriend and vomited onto the ground. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“God, you’re disgusting.” She said.

The blonde guy was still looking curiously at Kylo. He seemed the steadiest on his feet out of all of them. Kylo recognized the cool, calculating command in his eyes. He’d seen it in Hux enough times. “You here alone?” The guy asked finally.

Kylo nodded. “I’m – I’m lost. I think.” He responded.

The blonde guy raised his eyebrows. “Well, how about that? That’s too bad.” His tone of voice betrayed that he didn’t think that was too bad at all.

The guy in the bomber jacket was still staring at Kylo open-mouthed. “What if he, like, escaped from one of those like, underground sex dungeons or something, and-”

“Yeah, Danny, is that the same one that you escaped from?” The boyfriend laughed, having recovered quickly. The girlfriend cackled.

Danny flushed red. “Shut up, you guys! I’m serious. What if he’s like, from Russia or the Ukraine or something, and he got lured here to-”

“You dumb asshole, does he sound Russian to you?”

“All of you shut up.” The blonde guy said calmly. All of them did. He hadn’t looked away from Kylo the entire time. “Well, it seems to me that we’ve got a person in need here. I say we go back to my place and get a few drinks in you. I think that might make you feel better. What do you say?”

He asked the question in the same no-nonsense register that Kylo was so used to. This wasn’t really a question. Kylo didn’t know these people or particularly like them, but if they were willing to take charge for a few hours and just tell him what to do, he’d go with them.

He nodded slowly. “I’m just really confused right now.” He said in a small voice.

The blonde guy smiled and grabbed his wrist, tight fingers wrapping around the indent left from the cuffs. Kylo felt himself go lax in his grip. Giving up control to someone else was familiar. It felt right. “I’ll bet you are.”

A fifth voice broke in from the head of the alley, and this one was familiar. “Get your gross fingers off of him right this second before I break your nose.” Rey snapped, standing with her feet planted and her hands on her hips, spoiling for a fight.

The blonde guy barely glanced over. “Back off, sweetheart. We found this one. Fuck off.”

Rey strode forward, furious. “Two things. First, I’m not your sweetheart. Second, he’s not going anywhere with you. He’s not a prize you can just bat around and play with. He’s a human being, not some – some sack of _meat_ or something! He deserves some basic respect! I don’t know where you people get the _nerve_ to think you can just take advantage of people like this, but I’m not going to let you.”

The other three people had the decency to look ashamed at what Rey was saying. “Yeah, come on, I think she’s right. We should just go.” The bomber jacket guy said, already backing towards the street.

The blonde guy didn’t let go of Kylo’s wrist. His grip was so tight his fingers were starting to go numb. “I’m not taking advantage of anybody. He wants to come with me. He said so. Isn’t that right?”

Kylo nodded, his head like a puppet on a string. “Yeah.”

Rey drew up level with them, fists clenched. “He’s my friend. You have _no idea_ what he has been through lately. Let. Him. Go. I won’t tell you again.”

The blonde guy scoffed and started dragging Kylo back towards the street. Kylo followed behind him, offering up no resistance.

Rey was true to her word. She didn’t warn him twice. She became a short blur of fists and feet, kicking him in the back of the knees to knock him off balance and then bringing a hard elbow to the back of the guy’s neck. He stumbled forward with a cry, letting go of Kylo’s wrist.

The other three people gasped and jumped back from the tiny girl who had suddenly become a whirlwind. Rey made short work of the blonde guy. He ended up sprawled on the ground, holding his bleeding nose and injured knee. “What the fuck! You crazy bitch!”

Rey was barely breathing hard. She kicked him once more for good measure. “And you know what? I think we need reparations too. Give me your shoes.”

The guy rolled over and moaned. “_What_?” He asked weakly.

Rey kicked him in the ribs. “Your shoes, asshole. Hand them over.”

The blonde guy folded immediately. He was just an opportunistic scavenger, feeding off something he thought was weak. He wasn’t interested in anything that fought back. He toed off his shoes and tossed them at her feet, lurching to stand. “Whatever! Let’s go!”

The group of four began to totter out of the alley, and Rey snagged bomber jacket guy by the neck. “Ah, ah. Not so fast. I want your jacket too.”

“Oh, come on, man!” The guy whined, but he peeled his jacket off and threw it to her. He just wanted to get out of there.

Rey stood with her feet planted, furiously keeping watch until she was sure that they had all departed. Then she turned back to Kylo, her face melting into concern.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked.

Kylo had slid down the wall. He was holding his head in his hands. Everything was just so loud, and he wanted things to… just stop.

Rey slid down the wall next to him, didn’t say anything. She could sense he needed the break. She didn’t try to make him talk, didn’t try to force him to go anywhere. She just sat next to him, let him breathe.

Eventually, Kylo lifted his head. “Why didn’t you let me go with them?” He croaked.

“That guy was just trying to take advantage of you. He was a creep, you’re my friend, and I wasn’t going to let him.” Rey said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Like anything was that simple for Kylo anymore.

“But... Rey, I’m just... I’m broken, I’m useless. At least he was going to get some use out of me.” Kylo said softly.

“Hey. Look at me. You’re _not_ useless. And maybe you’re broken, but that’s okay. Broken things can be fixed. This isn’t something you’re going to get over in a week. You just have to trust me when I say that one day, you’ll feel differently. I promise.” Rey said, her earnest face illuminated by moonlight.

It suddenly occurred to Kylo that she was sitting here, trying to reassure him, trying to protect him, even after he’d said what he said. She hadn’t demanded an apology from him, she hadn’t forced him to his knees to atone for what he’d done. She’d just shown up, watched his back.

“Why are you here?” He asked.

“I followed you. Your mom was all ready to drive down the block and come pick you up, but I convinced her you needed a little time to yourself. So I just followed to make sure you were okay.” Rey said.

Kylo blinked. He was still confused. “You’re not… you’re not mad at me? You’re not going to hurt me?”

Rey shook her head. “No. Absolutely, definitively _no_. Neither are your parents. They’re all worried about you, they were ready to run after you, but I thought you could use some time to yourself.”

This was something that Kylo couldn’t wrap his brain around. “But… but I yelled at you. I… shouldn’t have done that, you are all looking after me, and I shouldn’t-”

Rey put a hand on his knee, but no further. “Hey. Of course you’re a little angry. Of course you’re resentful. We let you down. I… I let you down. I should have been there to watch your back, and I wasn’t. There’s no excuse for that, and you don’t know how much it’s been eating me up inside.”

Kylo bit his lip. He wasn’t a person who was allowed to feel resentful, or angry, or frustrated. These were all things that Hux had taught him. Apologies were for him to do, atonement was for him to do, not the other way around.

Rey seemed to sense his reticence. “Hey, Kylo. Or, Ben, I guess it would be better for you to hear... I know that this isn’t something that you’ve heard in a really long time, but I think it’s something you need to hear. You are allowed to be angry with us. You’re allowed to hate us, if that’s what you need to do. If you want to punch me or scream at me right now, go right ahead. You are entitled to every nasty, bad feeling you feel, and you don’t need to apologize for it. You don’t need to feel a certain way or be a certain way to be around us. You are allowed to keep all of your feelings, good and bad.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t… he _couldn’t_ believe that himself. He could tell that Rey believed it, but she didn’t really know him anymore.

Rey pulled him to his feet and had him put on the guy’s shoes. This was the first time Kylo had worn shoes in a year and a half, and the sensation was very strange to him. Shoes felt like something a real person would wear, and he wasn’t sure if he was a real person anymore.

Rey swapped the jackets, giving Kylo hers to wear, while she put on the bomber jacket. Kylo pulled the letter jacket around his shoulders, relishing the leftover warmth from Rey. He drew the lapel up to his nose, and breathed in. This jacket reminded him of cool autumn nights with Rey in high school, getting drunk behind the bleachers and tooling around town, just the two of them. For a moment, the memory felt real.

Rey was watching him. She cleared her throat tentatively. “Can I… And before I ask, I need you to know that you can one hundred percent say no to this if you don’t want to, but… Can I give you a hug? You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to give you a hug these past couple days.”

Kylo found himself nodding. Even if he didn’t want to, he probably would have said yes, but the idea of a hug from Rey wasn’t… wholly unpleasant.

He had to bend down, because she was much shorter than him, but she wrapped her toned arms under his arms and around his back and squeezed tight. Kylo closed his eyes. This felt comforting. This felt nice. He let his brain shut off for just this one moment.

“God, I am so happy to have you back, you have no idea. Even if it’s hard, even if it hurts, I’m… so happy that you’re still alive. It’s worth it.” Rey whispered into his neck.

Before they walked back to Luke’s house, before she let go of him, there was a tiny, tiny part of Ben deep inside, somewhere inside the cold and frozen moat that Hux had built around him, that believed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an extra-long chapter for you all for Saturday night. Hope this'll tide you over.
> 
> Also just a general update that I am just INCHES from finishing the whole thing, so y'all will get a finished story, I promise.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: There's a bit of... horror imagery, I guess would be the best way to put it? Kylo's got some nasty shit knocking around his head right now. Skip the dream sequence, if need be.

When Kylo and Rey arrived back at the house, it was quiet and empty. Leia was the only one waiting up for them. Kylo didn’t know if she had told Han and Luke to leave or not, but he was secretly relieved. Rey had told him that it was fine, that nobody was angry with him, but thinking of their reaction after what he’d said had him a little panicky. He was glad they weren’t there.

Leia sat in the living room within sightline of the door with a cold cup of tea, not even pretending to read or scroll through her phone or anything. She was transparently waiting for Rey to bring him back. She stood up abruptly when they walked in the door, her face awash in relief. The sight gave Kylo a squirmy feeling in his stomach. He didn’t know what that was: guilt or anger or what. He found it hard to look at her.

“Thank you, Rey. I know you must be tired, and you haven’t been home in a week. Go home. Get some rest. I appreciate everything you’ve done.” Leia said, embracing Rey quickly.

She didn’t hug Kylo. He wondered why. It had been a few days now, and Leia hadn’t so much as touched him. Snoke must have been right. She was disgusted with him, by how low and pathetic he was. Hux must have been right. She didn’t really care about him. She’d tried to get him back, because it was what she was supposed to do, but that was all. He thought the idea should upset him more, but all he felt was numb. He’d tired himself out, and he was still no closer to getting Hux back.

Rey smiled at Kylo and dug her keys out of her pocket. “Goodnight, Ben. I’ll see you tomorrow probably.”

Kylo watched her go. He was too tired to ask her not to call him Ben.

Leia shut the door behind her and turned to her son. Again, he was struck by how different she looked than he remembered. In the few scattered dreams he’d had of her, she was unassailable, shining, strong, immovable. In his poisonous thoughts, she was brittle, unfeeling, glad to be rid of him. Now, looking at her, she just looked desperately tired, desperately sad.

“Are you feeling a little better now?” She asked him, maintaining a careful distance.

He just looked at her. Better than what?

“Are you hungry? I know you didn’t get a chance to eat anything. I can heat something up for you.” She said, undaunted by his silence.

_No_, he thought. “Okay,” he said. She clearly wanted him to eat something, so he would.

She heated up some of the stroganoff he’d made and then put it on a plate for him. He stared down at it, stomach in knots.

Hux hated mushrooms. That was all he could think about. Early on, before he knew Hux’s preferences forward and back, Kylo had put mushrooms on the grocery list for Hux to buy. Hux had looked over the list before he left the house and made no comment. That evening, he’d come back with the groceries including mushrooms. He bought three times the amount Kylo had asked for. Kylo had tried his best, but he was still new at cooking. His slices were uneven, he hadn’t washed them very well, and they were severely undercooked. Hux waited until all the food was on the table before informing Kylo that he didn’t like mushrooms. Kylo froze, staring at the huge serving bowl full of slimy, badly-cooked mushrooms. He stuttered out an apology, offered to make something else, but Hux just sighed and told him no, that would take too long. But just because Hux didn’t like them didn’t mean Kylo couldn’t eat them. Hux had made Kylo eat his dinner plus the entire bowl, not allowing him to stand up until it was all gone. It only took a few bites for the slimy taste of the mushrooms sliding down his throat to turn his stomach. Kylo had only narrowly managed to keep it down long enough to clean the kitchen and then bolt for the bathroom and throw it all up. Hux had stood in the doorway watching him with a slight smile on his face. Kylo hadn’t put mushrooms on the shopping list again.

Now, sitting with Leia, Kylo couldn’t help remembering this as he scooped a small bite of stroganoff onto his fork, avoiding any of the mushrooms. He tentatively put the bite in his mouth. It sat in his mouth for a few seconds, and it took him three tries to swallow. He tried not to think about the entire plate he still had left to eat, or he was sure he wouldn’t be able to.

After about three bites, Kylo’s discomfort was obvious to Leia. “Ben, honey, if you’re not hungry, you don’t have to eat. I just thought you might want something since you haven’t eaten since this morning.”

That sounded like something Hux would say where the clearly understood subtext was _Sure, you don’t have to eat if you don’t want to; but if you don’t, I’ll find something else for us to do, and you can bet it will be far less pleasant than this._

Kylo shook his head minutely and forced down some more food. The untouched pile of mushrooms was growing, and he dreaded to see it. He realized his hand was shaking a little while he held the fork.

Leia saw it too. She held up a hand like she was going to put it on his arm, and then took it away. “Ben, do you really want to eat this?”

He stared down at the table. He felt just enough courage to shake his head a little.

She sighed. “Then don’t eat it.”

Kylo dropped his fork in relief. Finally, an order he was only too happy to follow.

Leia took the plate away and then came back, sitting across from Kylo. She started wringing her hands together. The ceaseless movement of her fingers fascinated Kylo.

“So, we haven’t had much opportunity to talk. Just the two of us. I have something I want to tell you, and I hope you’re willing to listen.” She said.

He looked at her curiously, nodded.

She looked like she was carefully considering her words. “Before I begin, I just wanted to ask you if you would be okay with me holding your hand. You can say no if you want to.”

That was a nice thought, but he couldn’t say no. Kylo didn’t understand why she was acting like this was such a big deal. He’d been touched and held down and kissed and worse without ever asking for his input. The idea that he would be bothered by something as small as hand holding was laughable.

He shrugged. Leia gave him a watery smile and took his hand. Their fingers twined together. Leia took a deep, unsteady breath before beginning.

“I don’t know what… he… told you about everything, but I thought you should hear the truth about what we were doing when you were gone. And if you don’t believe me right now, that’s okay. I just want you to hear it.

“When you disappeared, we of course suspected the First Order. I sent Luke and Rey to the docks where you were last seen, but nobody was there. We could tell that you’d been there, but not what happened after that. It took us two weeks to track down one of the men who had been there. He told us you were dead. He told us they caught you and killed you on sight, and we had no reason to doubt them. I never thought… I could never have _imagined_ what really-” She broke off here, holding the back of her free hand to her mouth like she was trying to hold in a scream or a sob, or something worse. After a moment, she regained control.

“Anyway, after that, he directed us to the spot where we could find your… your body. It had been a few weeks and it was…” She blew her nose. “It was very hard to tell it wasn’t you. It was very convincing. The face was destroyed so we couldn’t… The body had your hair and your build and even that mole on your right hip. I think, ultimately, that’s what convinced me.”

Kylo had a dim memory of his first few days with Hux. He had examined Kylo from head to toe, pacing around him with an assessing eye while Kylo hugged himself and shivered. He thought the goal had just been to make him uncomfortable, but now he supposed it was more about gathering data to make the corpse more realistic. Not that he believed Leia. He wasn’t there yet.

Leia squeezed his hand and met his eyes with an intensity of emotion he didn’t know how to analyze. “I thought it was you. I really did. When we went to the – to the morgue to look at the body… my heart stopped. You don’t know how much I wish I could say I’d taken one look at the body and known right away that it wasn’t you. I don’t know if that makes me a bad mother. Not being there when you needed me does. I like to think I would recognize you anywhere, in any situation, but it was staring me right in the face, and I was fooled. I fell for it, and I hate myself every day.”

Kylo didn’t know what to do in the face of his mother’s tears. Everything she was saying flew right in the face of everything Hux had drummed into his head. He supposed _everything_ she was saying couldn’t be a lie. He could believe the corpse, the man who’d been paid off, but the depth to which she hated herself? That didn’t make sense. He pulled his hand away, not sure if this would get him in trouble or not, but he couldn’t be linked to her grief anymore. He felt like she was pulling him down into a dark hole he had tried very hard to climb out of.

Leia clasped her hands together. “Anyway, we buried it. Him. I mourned you. Now I’m just realizing it was some other mother’s son we buried instead. Luke and Rey wanted to burn them all down. They were so angry; I’ve never seen them like that. I did too. I don’t mean to say that I love you more, that wouldn’t be fair to say. I guess… what I’m trying to get at is that I’m your mom, and no matter how old you get or how much you change, you’ll never change for me. I’ll always love you just the same. But I thought you were dead, and I didn’t want to lose my brother or anyone else. They were too strong, and we just didn’t have the resources. I convinced them to drop it. Now I wish I hadn’t. Maybe if I had been angrier, if I hadn’t been… So weak, or… or I don’t know what. We would have found you earlier and saved you so much pain.”

Kylo had to look away from her. He couldn’t reconcile this tearful, _vulnerable_ woman with the unfeeling mother Hux had conjured up in his imagination. He simply couldn’t believe what she was saying to him without a serious reorganization of the way he thought about the world.

Leia kept going. “I thought that was that. For months, I thought you were dead. For ten months, I did nothing because I thought you were already lost. Those were… those were the darkest days I’ve ever lived through.

“But then, that… _man_ sent me photographs of you,” She spat the word like it was a powerful curse, like she was damning Hux to hell and back a thousand times, “and everything changed. I can’t describe to you… I don’t have the words for how I felt when I saw your face again.”

Kylo blinked. A long time ago, it would have bothered him, the idea of Leia seeing him like that (_Like what_? His mind insisted. _Why should you feel ashamed about being who you are?_) but now… he didn’t feel anything.

Leia ran a hand across her face. “Anyway… I’ve gone on too long, and I know you’re tired, so I’ll just wrap this up. Once I knew you were alive, I knew I wouldn’t stop until I got you back. And I did. So that’s how I know things are going to be alright. Because I’ve already lived through the absolute worst, thinking you were dead. And you’ve already lived through the worst. So, it follows that things can only get better. Even if it seems impossible now.”

There was a long silence. Kylo hadn’t said a word the entire time she was talking, and now that she was over, he knew he was expected to say something. He glanced up at her. She was looking at him hopefully, blotting tears away from her eyes. Kylo figured he was supposed to feel an upswell of emotion right now, or break down in tears, or something. She was expecting it, he knew. But he couldn’t give it to her. He felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He cleared his throat cautiously. “I don’t… I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Nothing, honey. I just… I want you to know.” Leia said, reaching for his hand again.

Kylo hugged his arms around his chest. “Okay, now I know. I don’t…” He trailed off.

“You don’t what?” Leia encouraged him.

He glanced up at her. “I don’t know how that changes anything.” He said softly. “You should have left me there.”

Leia’s face fell.

After that, there didn’t seem to be much else to say. She ushered him upstairs to the spare bedroom. He waited until she was gone to curl up on the floor in the corner again. It felt like the safest spot in the room. That way, nobody could sneak up on him. More than that, he just didn’t quite feel comfortable sleeping in a bed when Hux wasn’t there. It didn’t feel like he belonged there.

* * *

While Leia had her heart to heart with Ben, Luke found himself doing something he knew he shouldn’t. After Ben’s horrible outburst and flight from the house, after Rey had convinced them to let her follow him and take care of him, Han left the house without a word while Leia settled in to wait for the kids to return.

Luke stood in the empty kitchen with a dangerous thrumming energy making it hard to stay in one place. He grabbed his car keys and left the house. Half an hour later, he found himself on the highway, white knuckles on the wheel, trying to convince himself to turn around and go back home. It was the sensible thing to do, after all. The responsible thing to do.

What kept him from turning back was the absolutely cracked-open look on Ben’s face after he finished unburdening himself, like the price for speaking his mind, for airing his very understandable frustrations, was too horrible to bear. He’d been hurt so badly he didn’t feel like he was allowed to push back. Luke couldn’t do anything to fix him at this very moment, but the thought that got him out on the road was that they had the man responsible locked up and at their mercy.

Luke went off the scribbled address he’d written down, hoping he was getting off at the right exit and turning on the right street. They were keeping Hux in an old medical facility an hour and a half outside of town, reclaimed First Order property they’d decided to repurpose for their own. Luke kept trying to put his foot on the brake, to turn around and go back home where there were people that needed him, but he was so angry he could barely see. He was filled with a primal instinct as understandable as it was awful: Hux had hurt Ben, over and over again until he was barely recognizable. Luke wanted Hux to feel even a sliver of that same pain.

Luke pulled up outside of the facility, slamming his car door and walking up to the door. The guards on hand recognized him immediately and let him in without a word, perhaps sensing the dangerous live-wire rage emanating off of his skin.

He strode through the hallways, blowing past three other sets of guards who all jumped to get out of his way. Hux wasn’t the only thing they were guarding at the moment, but he was currently the most important.

As Luke neared the room where they were keeping Hux, he couldn’t stop thinking about his father, who he hadn’t thought about in years. Luke and Leia had been raised by their aunt and uncle on a farm in Bumfuck, Nowhere. As much as he’d hated the isolation of the farm, he’d loved his family. He was only eighteen when his deadbeat, piece of shit dad had reappeared in his life, he said to make amends for his years of absence. At first, Luke had cut him some slack, maybe too much, because he had just been so desperate for fatherly attention, which he thought he needed. He was cruelly disabused of that notion right around the time when Anakin got raging drunk and broke his arm. Although his time with his father was thankfully short, Luke never forgot the crushing disappointment of that desperate need to please being met with scorn and violence. The memory of that helpless feeling stayed with him throughout the years. Luke knew that was only a pale shadow compared to what Ben had gone through, and the thought had him fuming.

Luke found two guards that looked most likely to be alright with a little extracurricular violence, and had them bring Hux into one of the empty offices. He went into that room to wait.

Five minutes later, he heard the fast march of feet coming down the hall. The two burly guards came marching Hux into the room between them, his hands cuffed in front of him. He was still wearing the same clothes they’d taken him in, and he looked a little worse for wear. There was a small bandage across the bridge of his healing nose. Luke couldn’t help the poisonous thought that they should have left it the way it was.

Upon seeing who it was that had summoned him, Hux’s eyes lit up in amusement, and a small smile crossed his face. “Ah, Luke Skywalker. What have I done to be graced with your presence?” He said, derision obvious and biting in his tone.

Luke had been planning on talking to Hux, to demanding answers, trying to understand… anything he could; but at the sight of the man who had so completely terrorized Ben, he couldn’t help the acidic pulse of hatred that went through him.

“Hit him.” He ordered icily.

Hux just had time to widen his eyes in surprise before one of the guards holding Hux’s arms grinned and punched him in the stomach. Hard. Hux grunted and doubled over as much as he could where he was being held.

Hux raised his eyes to meet Luke, and Luke merely saw amusement and indifference in his gaze. He put on the mask very well. The feral animal under Luke’s skin roared again. Hux opened his mouth to say something, but Luke didn’t want to hear any of it.

“Again. Harder. I want to see some blood.” He hissed, clenching his fists so hard his fingers hurt.

The guard on the left sucker punched Hux in the stomach again. The guard on the right leaned back and hit him in the face. Hux let out a choked noise and his head snapped to the side.

Luke couldn’t hear anything but the rushing sound of blood in his ears. He felt like if he moved an inch, he might entirely fly off the handle.

Hux shook his head slowly like he was trying to get his bearings. He looked back at Luke with bright eyes. He had a busted lip, and his tongue came out to lap at the blood, assess the damage.

“Happy?” Hux asked archly, spitting the blood in his mouth on the ground.

“Not yet.” Luke growled. The sight of blood had done nothing to assuage him. Maybe it was because Hux’s demeanor hadn’t changed in the slightest. He didn’t seem appropriately cowed by the violence.

Hux had the temerity to laugh. “If you’re trying to convince me that you truly mean business, you’re going to have to try harder than that.”

Luke bristled. “If that’s what you want. Again. I want him on the ground.”

The guards took turns beating Hux; he bounced between one and the other like a rag doll. Some of the indifferent mask fell away, and he contorted his face in anger, bringing his cuffed hands up to block some of the blows. Eventually, he was shoved so hard he bounced off the wall and sprawled to the ground. He panted for a few seconds and then laughed breathlessly. He leaned against the wall and pulled his knees up. With another person, this gesture might be seen as defensive, but when he did it, it merely looked like he was getting comfortable.

Luke watched all this happen, trying to keep his face blank. He kept wanting to tell them to stop. The sound of fists meeting flesh wasn’t making him feel better. If anything, it was making him feel worse. Ben’s face kept flashing into his mind, open and vulnerable and afraid. This is what it had been like for him. He had been hit and shoved and beaten while someone impassive stood off to the side. Luke felt sick. He regretted coming here at all.

Hux raised one steady hand to his temple. It came away bloody. He smiled up at Luke. His teeth were bloody too, mouth full of blood.

“Now _that’s_ more like it.” He laughed, winced, and put a hand over his ribs. “Is this a social visit, or did you just come to take your frustration out on me?”

“You deserve every bit of it and more.” Luke spat out, trying not to betray any of his uncertainty.

Hux pushed himself up the wall. Blood dotted the rumpled collar of his shirt. “Probably, but if your goal is to break me, you’ll have to really commit to it. I’m not convinced you have what it takes.”

Luke scoffed. “Like I could. You have to be human to be broken. You don’t have anything resembling a heart.”

Hux wheezed out another laugh. “That’s very naïve of you, Skywalker. Every person has a breaking point. Even me.”

Luke looked at him skeptically.

Hux laughed again, and there was nothing but amusement in his eyes. No fear, no apprehension. “I will admit, mine might be a little harder to reach, but… it’s there. Do you want to see me crying? Do you want me to beg you? Do you want me to promise anything within my power to let me go? You can, you just have to try a little harder. Much harder.”

Luke stared at him for a moment. He hated the part of himself that _did_ want that, that wanted to see Hux crawling on the ground and spitting out his broken teeth. He was horrified by this part of him. Until tonight, he hadn’t even been aware it was there.

“What, and this isn’t working?” He said, gesturing at Hux’s position, the blood, the guards.

Hux rolled his eyes at the two bruisers standing over him like they weren’t even worth his attention. “This? No. Pain doesn’t work on me. You just need to find out what does.”

Luke stood stiff. This conversation wasn’t going at all like he thought it was going to. He’d come in here to take out some of his rage on an easy target, but he felt like Hux could see right through him, like he was playing him like a fiddle. “Care to enlighten me?”

Hux smiled coldly. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun, Luke. You have to _work_ for it, identify my weaknesses one by one and then exploit them. And let me tell you, the moment when you finally break someone, it is _oh so satisfying_. When you stand over them and watch that last remaining light of hope drain out of their eyes, when you know definitively they’re surrendering to you? For good? There is nothing like it. It’s… _intoxicating._”

Luke’s stomach roiled violently, and for one moment, he thought he was going to be sick. What Hux was saying did have a horrible sense to it. He hated Hux so much he could understand the urge to do that to someone, although this realization horrified him. He heard his father’s bellowing voice, felt the sharp, clear pain as his arm was broken. He closed his eyes. He wanted to get out of this room immediately. This wasn’t at all going how he thought it would.

Hux seemed to sense his turmoil. He leaned forward. “Why don’t you ask me what you came here for? We both know you don’t have the stones to break me.”

Luke found himself asking the question he both needed the answer to and didn’t at the same time. He knew the what, the why, even the method, but some essential piece of what Hux had done to Ben escaped his understanding. “How… how was it with Ben?”

Hux’s face changed, and it was so much worse than his cool indifference or mocking sneer. His expression softened, and he almost looked… _fond_. “Kylo, he was stubborn, he was. He was a tough nut to crack. I think that’s one of the things I love about him. He held out a long longer than I ever thought possible, but at some point, fighting back just isn’t worth it, and he realized that. He threw himself into me just as hard as he tried to get away from me. I think that’s what is so special about him. If I had broken him in a week or two, I really don’t think I would have been all that interested in him. It takes a strength of character to _change_, not just fall apart. I would venture a guess that you think I hate him to do what I did. That’s simply not true. I love him. How could I not?”

Luke was speechless. He didn’t know how he was expected to respond to that. “You’re wrong. You don’t do something like that to someone you love. If you truly love someone, you don’t change them so that they’re more appealing to you. That’s not love.”

Hux looked dismissive. “Maybe _your_ kind of love. Kylo and I have a connection you simply couldn’t dream of.”

Luke came perilously close to taking his own turn at Hux. He didn’t think he could get Hux to admit he was wrong, but he could at least wipe that smug fucking expression off of his face. He thought it might necessitate the loss of a finger or two. He could almost imagine doing it too. It would be easy, it would feel righteous. There was no doubt in Luke’s mind that he deserved it, every second of it. But Luke felt himself backed into a corner. If he did that, it would only feel as if he were playing into Hux’s hands. Hux _wanted_ him to lose his temper, he _wanted_ him to take out his anger on him. It would prove him right.

Luke turned away. “Lock him up again. And make sure the lights are off. He won’t need them.”

That felt like the only piece of cruelty that felt safe. As the guards hauled Hux to his feet, he smiled after Luke as if they were friends. “Oh, by the way, I wish you luck with Kylo. I would be willing to bet that since you came here, you’re not having much success getting him to see things your way?”

Luke said nothing, which he knew only confirmed Hux’s suspicions. As the guards dragged away the beaten Hux, Luke stared at the wall, feeling worse than when he came. He came away from this encounter just feeling like he’d lost.

* * *

The next few days progressed pretty much the same as they were. Kylo did not adapt well to freedom. If somebody didn’t tell him what to do, he didn’t do anything. If he wasn’t asked a question, he didn’t speak. They kept asking him how they could make him more comfortable, but the one thing he wanted they were not willing to give.

Kylo didn’t see Han much, Rey was in and out of the house, but Luke and Leia were near constant fixtures. Kylo found himself hoping they would get frustrated enough with him they would finally hit him. At least when he was being hurt, the lines were black and white, easy to follow.

Hux had always been good about that. _Do this or I hurt you. Think this way or you might slip up, and you’ll be punished. Let me fuck you how I want, or you’ll regret it._ At least he’d known what was expected of him.

Leia’s friend Holdo came back a few times, she said just to talk. Kylo told her he didn’t need a doctor, that there was nothing wrong with him. She responded that all she wanted to do was come over a few days every week, talk with him, that it might help to have someone around that wasn’t a member of his family. Kylo wasn’t quite sure what to make of her. She didn’t seem to want anything from him the same way everyone else did. She’d made him pretty uncomfortable the first time he’d met her, but he couldn’t hold that against her, because everyone made him uncomfortable.

She didn’t seem to have a clear agenda, just asked him questions about his day, about how he was feeling in the here and now. He kept waiting with dread for her to start asking him questions about life with Hux. He didn’t want to talk about it, because she had a knack of twisting his words around, asking him something, and then making a blank observation that would make him stumble, struggle to articulate why things were the way they were.

When he mentioned missing the collar around his neck, she didn’t react with disgust and horrified pity like everyone else did. She nodded calmly and thought about it for a moment.

“Well, it just seems to me that it’s a little unnecessary. Shouldn’t Hux know you’re loyal to him without it? What exactly does a little piece of buckled leather signify that your actions couldn’t?” She asked point blank.

Kylo blinked wordlessly at her. He didn’t know what to say to that.

She asked questions in that way, where he didn’t feel attacked or like he had to justify himself, but he always came away from their conversations a little confused and turned around. It was like she was using words in a different way than he was, like she was poking holes in his arguments without him even knowing they were there. She never asked about Hux if Kylo didn’t bring him up first.

Sometimes, they didn’t talk at all. Sometimes, Holdo would come over, she’d bring a book and just sit beside him on the couch. If he ever asked her questions about herself, she would answer him honestly and calmly. He found himself even looking forward to her visits. She was a source of strength in a different way than Hux, in a different way than Leia. She was just so calm and logical.

If she had pushed him at all to talk about things he didn’t want, he might have shut her out, but she didn’t. He overheard his mother talking to Holdo one day before she left.

“Amilyn, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, I promise, but shouldn’t you be… I don’t know… Getting him to talk about what happened more? Open up or something?” Leia asked, wringing her hands a little.

Holdo answered her as she buttoned up her jacket. “That kind of thing takes time, Leia. I need to gain his trust first. And I’m not going to get that by shoving a bunch of hard questions down his throat. He needs to know who I am first before he can talk about himself.”

Leia sighed. “Okay. I know you know what you’re doing. It’s just… it’s so hard seeing him like this.”

Amilyn gave her a tight hug. “I know it is. Hang in there.”

Things could have gone on indefinitely like that until about a week after he’d been rescued, Kylo had a dream.

He was back in Snoke’s bunker, tied to the bed by his wrists and ankles, but this time Snoke didn’t stop. He climbed on top of him, panting. His body above him felt infirm, like a bag of meat wrapped around metal coat hangers, like it could slough off his skeleton at any moment. He shoved Kylo’s legs open with sweaty fingers. Kylo was absolutely frozen, unable to move or even scream.

His head lolled to the right to see Hux walk into the room, slowly and without a care in the world. He was smiling.

“_Help_…” Kylo gasped, the only thing he could force out from a throat that felt like sandpaper.

Hux walked up to him, slowly, too slowly. In the dream, his face seemed sharper, his smile crueler. He stroked Kylo’s hair softly while Kylo’s stomach exploded in agony. He looked down to see Snoke taking a bite out of him, blood coursing down his chin, while he _chewed_ on a piece of meat. Kylo shrieked and tried to get away, but he was tied too tightly.

“_Please, please, PLEASE!”_ Kylo howled, straining to get closer to Hux. Pleading for mercy was the only form of negotiation he had ever had with Hux.

Hux was still smiling. He didn’t make a single move to stop Snoke. “Why should I? I’m not so sure you’re faithful to me anymore…”

“I am! I am, I am, Hux! Please, take me back! Please!” Kylo screamed, running his wrists ragged trying to get away.

Snoke made a slurping sound and swallowed what he had in his mouth. He dug his fingers into the wound he’d made, pushing aside tendons and muscles in search of bone. Once he found some, he scratched and clawed at it, rocking the bone from side to side, hoping it would pop out of the socket. Kylo screamed, blind with terror. Snoke didn’t even look human any longer. He was a hunched, pale creature with red eyes and an open, slavering mouth.

Snoke will get use out of you. He’ll sell you to men who want something pathetic and _soiled_ like you.” Hux said, still stroking his hair. “He’s done it before, and they always seem pleased with the product. They won’t care if you’re missing a leg or a few fingers, as long as they can still fuck you.”

Kylo looked down at himself. He was covered in scratches and marks. Snoke was taking more bites out of him. He was covered in blood. There wasn’t much pain in the dream, but pain wasn’t the point. “_No_,” he moaned, “_No, nonono Hux please I’ll make you so happy I will, you just have to let me, don’t leave me here!_”

Hux slipped his thumb into Kylo’s mouth, stopping his tongue. Kylo garbled his words around it, trying to get through to Hux.

“Maybe you’d rather stay here with these people, hmm? With these people who abandoned you, who don’t love you? You’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you?” Hux hissed, leaning down over Kylo’s head. His fury only served to make him more attractive to Kylo, like his intensity lent him a certain sharpness, a certain _realness_ that was lacking in his waking life. It was his authority, the certainty that he would take charge of everything that Kylo missed.

Kylo started to shake his head, to deny it, but Hux stopped him before he could even lie. Hux reached into his open mouth and started working out one of his teeth. It popped out easily with a burst of blood. Kylo screamed and watched Hux pop it into his mouth and swallow it.

Kylo moaned in terror, thrashing back and forth on the bed. Every time he looked down towards Snoke’s hunched figure, more of his body was missing. He tried not to think about it too hard.

Hux still had one digit blocking Kylo’s mouth, but with his free hand, he neatly licked Kylo’s blood off his skin. He was nothing if not well-put-together. He looked down at Kylo, one eyebrow raised imperiously. The dream lent him the kind of all-powerful omnipotence that he’d always occupied in Kylo’s mind.

“Have you been thinking about leaving me? Has it crossed your mind, even once? Even in passing?” Hux demanded, knowing the answer already, because he was in Kylo’s head, just as he was in real life.

And Kylo, never able to lie to Hux, nodded once. Curtly. He didn’t really want to, but he couldn’t deny the seed had been planted. But what Hux had to understand was it wasn’t something that Kylo wanted. It was just something that these people who claimed to have rescued him kept trying to push on him. He couldn’t be blamed for listening to instructions. Hux had taught him to be malleable, pliable. Hux had to understand that Kylo couldn’t just turn it off now. He couldn’t change his entire nature in a few days.

Hux was still stroking his hair, but it had turned rough, painful. “I understand. You’ve had a little time to think now, haven’t you? Maybe you thought I was unfair to you, maybe you think I should have been kinder. But that’s why you need me in the first place. I know what’s best for you. Nobody else does, least of all you. I love you, dear, but you never really had good ideas, did you?”

Kylo shook his head as well as he could with the obstruction in his mouth. He tried to garble a plea, an explanation, an oath, but his tongue hit the back of his throat. He couldn’t talk.

Hux didn’t give him the opportunity to explain. He never did, because he always seemed to know exactly what Kylo was thinking.

The blind, pale creature that used to be Snoke had moved farther up his body. He took a bite out of his navel, taking the stud with him. Kylo almost choked on the pain, on the unpleasant sensation of his skin tearing. Snoke gurgled and choked on the silver jewelry, but he kept chewing, his bright eyes trained on Kylo. Kylo squirmed, terrified of what he would do when he got high enough on his body.

Hux was looking at Snoke like he was an industrious pet, pleased at his performance. “You need to think about something very carefully, Kylo. It can always be worse. I can always hurt you more. If you betray me, I won’t be there to protect you from men like Snoke. And we both know you can’t protect yourself. You need to keep your mouth shut.”

Hux let go of him, but it was a short-lived freedom, as he leaned down to capture Kylo’s mouth in his. In the dream, Kylo managed to do something he’d never done in waking life. He struggled, tossing his head from side to side and trying to shake Hux off of him. He wanted to tell him something, he wanted to profess his loyalty, his undying devotion, _something_. Hux didn’t let him. He grabbed his chin with bruising fingers and eased his mouth farther open with his jaw.

Kylo started to wail as hot blood burst over the back of his throat. Hux was _biting down_, chewing on his tongue and trying to rip it out of its socket. The pain built along with his panic, and Kylo strained as hard as he could to get free of his ties, but Hux was biting and not stopping and –

Kylo woke up screaming. He scrambled to his feet, trying to get the memory of Snoke’s weight off of him. In his panic, he thought the shadows coming from the street outside were streaks of blood and gore all over his body. He howled, pawing at his chest and throat and mouth, trying to wipe off the blood that he was sure was all over him.

He pressed himself against the wall, blind with terror, every nerve thrumming. He couldn’t stop himself from hyperventilating.

Kylo had never had a nightmare like this before. What was the point of dreaming a nightmare when you were living one?

Heart pounding, he whipped his head from side to side, sure that Snoke’s pale, scurrying body was hiding underneath the bed. But more importantly, he was looking for the assured, tall figure of Hux, who he knew had to be somewhere in this room. For the first time in months, he was very consciously aware that he was afraid of Hux. Of course, he’d been afraid of Hux for as long as he could remember, but his conscious mind had done such a good job of convincing him that he was always aware of every move that Hux made because he wanted to make him happy. It was normal to be on high alert to every minute shift in Hux’s mood. It was normal to never fully relax even when Hux was out of the house. It was normal to feel a sinking, clawing panic every time he made a small mistake. It was normal not to have any sense of bodily autonomy. It was normal to second guess every move he made under threat of severe punishment. It was normal. It was all normal.

Tonight, for the first time, there was a slight chink in the armor, a slight hint of the Ben that was, reminding him that no, in fact, it wasn’t normal.

He started screaming again when the door burst open and somebody ran in. He didn’t even see who it was. He just dropped to his knees and covered his head with his arms protectively. He started shaking, wanting to start pleading, but he knew that Hux didn’t like it when he begged too much, because it was just a sneaky way to try and avoid the punishment that he rightfully had coming. Hux had taught him to keep his mouth shut and take what was coming.

He heard footsteps coming toward him, and he hunched in on himself, just waiting to be kicked or beaten or fucked. Whatever Hux thought was appropriate. In his blind panic, he couldn’t remember what he had done wrong, but it didn’t matter. If Hux thought he’d done something wrong, then he had, and he had to make amends for it.

There were hands on his shoulders, soft hands, gentle hands, but Kylo didn’t trust that. Hux liked to be gentle too, when it suited him.

Finally, a voice began to penetrate his consciousness. It wasn’t Hux. It was his mother.

“Ben, sweetie, take a deep breath for me. Can you do that? You must have had a nightmare. Just breathe. Okay? In and out. In and out. Slowly. You’re safe. Nobody is going to hurt you. It’s okay. Just breathe.” Leia said softly.

Kylo felt his entire body shudder with relief, and that felt like such a betrayal to Hux, that he immediately tensed up again. He covered his face with his hands and moaned in feverish confusion.

Leia hadn’t done anything more than put a light hand on his shaking shoulder. She didn’t try to pull him into a hug or grab his hands or shove his chin up with her fingers so he was forced to look at her. It was such a novelty not to be touched that Kylo didn’t know what to do with it. He felt grateful, but he knew he shouldn’t be. It wasn’t for him to decide if people wanted to touch him or not. He wished Hux was here. He was horribly, guiltily relieved Hux wasn’t here. He didn’t know what to think.

“It’s okay, I’m here. You’re in Luke’s house. It’s 2:30 in the morning. It’s Thursday. It’s been a week since we rescued you. Luke is in the other room. There isn’t anybody else in the house. It’s just the three of us. You’re in his guest room that probably hasn’t been cleaned since your dad and I got married. You’re not in trouble. Nobody is going to hurt you. It’s okay.” Leia’s grounding voice slowly penetrated Kylo’s mind. Her calm recitation of the facts spun a spell, reminded him where he was, _when_ he was. If Kylo had woken up from a nightmare with Hux, he would have relished Kylo’s disorientation, pulled him into his chest so all he could smell or see was him, nurtured his confusion.

Leia rubbed a comforting, light circle into the back of his shoulder and waited for him to calm down. At long last, Kylo lifted his head to look at her. Her hair was in a frizzy cloud around her head and she looked tired, worried. She smiled at him.

Kylo stared at her in silence for a long moment, tears drying on his cheeks. He felt clear-headed for once, fully aware that it was his mother sitting in front of him, that once upon a time he’d had something to say to her, a river of words. Now, he struggled to find any.

“Why didn’t you come for me?” He asked, voice quiet and nearly strengthless. “I waited and waited as long as I could, but nobody came, and I… I was _alone_, and I didn’t know what to do, and I couldn’t fight any more.”

This confession felt monumental in some way, simply admitting that he wanted something more than what he got with Hux. He was only able to vocalize this feeling because of the leftover shock of the nightmare, the cool silence of the house around them. It felt safe to confess this to Leia because nothing that happened this late at night could possibly be real.

“I’m so sorry, Ben.” Leia said. It seemed like all she could say.

His brief, cold clarity was fading some, and he felt himself descent back into apathy. “I think it’s too late.” He whispered. “You should just let him have me. I can’t be what you want anymore, but I can be what _he_ wants.”

Leia shook her head. “No, I don’t accept that.”

Kylo, so used to accepting what he didn’t want to, shrugged. “You have to let me see him. _Please_. I’m not going to get better.”

Leia looked at him for a long time. She was encouraged by him speaking his mind finally, and thought that maybe time was working. That the simple act of being away from Hux was enough to melt at least some of the ice that had encrusted Ben’s mind.

“I’m sorry, Ben. I want to give you anything you want, but this is the one thing I can’t do for you. Ask me for anything else, _anything_, and I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Just not this.”

Kylo’s hopeful expression dimmed. He turned into the wall again, hugging himself tighter. “There’s nothing else that I want.”

After that, it was clear he was done talking, so after sitting with him for a while longer, Leia left him to hopefully get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's been crazy. I hope everyone's staying safe and taking care of themselves. I have every intention of finishing this story, don't worry. I've got more than enough time to write.
> 
> Further update: This story will have four-ish more chapters? (maybe one or two more depending on how it goes. I get a little long-winded lmao). However, I'm planning on doing a sequel that I'll just keep on publishing right after this, same once-a-week update schedule. I'm not going to spoil the ending, but everything that happens after the climax feels like a bit of a separate story, so I'll just split it up into two. This has gotten very very long as it is. It just feels like a natural break. So I know that it doesn't possibly seem like the story could be over in four chapters. There's more after, don't worry. As always, I really appreciate every single one of you that reads this. Thank you so much.


	32. Chapter 32

The ice was not melting.

After asking Leia if he could see Hux and being denied, Kylo didn’t know what else to do. If they wouldn’t let him see Hux, he was completely useless. Purposeless. The thought of doing something without Hux here to tell him if it was okay or not was too terrifying. So he stopped doing anything at all.

Kylo stopped talking. Stopped eating. Stopped moving. He could be coaxed down to the living room, but he would just curl up on the couch with his head pressed into the cushions and his back to the room, unmoving for hours at a time.

Leia and Luke would bring bowls of hot soup and grilled cheese, glasses of water, but Kylo didn’t take any of them. They sat untouched on the table next to him.

On the second day of silence, Han came back to the house, hovering in the doorway and looking at his son. His eyes were worried, and it was clear he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He came over and sat on the arm of the couch.

Kylo glanced over to see who it was and then buried his head in his arms again, pulling his knees up to his chest. His ever-unruly hair covered most of his face like a veil.

“Hey, kiddo. Your mom told me you weren’t doing so good. She thought maybe I could talk to you.” Han tried, false brightness in his voice. He looked down at his son and felt helpless fury curdle his blood. Ben had been the loudest, hardest-to-handle kid when he was younger, and none of that passion had cooled when he’d grown up. He’d always been too much. Too angry, too loud, too messy, always taking up too much space. Whenever he entered a room, he left it messier than he’d left it. It used to drive Han up a wall, but he would give anything just to have that spark of life show up in Ben’s eyes, just for a moment.

Now, Kylo was doing his best to take up as little space as possible. If Leia hadn’t told him he was in here, Han might have walked right by him. He was so goddamn _skinny_ now, which was quite a feat given his lanky, normally bulky frame. Kylo was still barefoot, and Han glanced down to see a jagged scar curl from his ankle under to the pad of his right foot. Han couldn’t stop staring at that little mark. Leia had of course told him what Holdo had found in her examination, but once in a while, little observations like that never stopped to floor him. Just little evidences of arbitrary cruelty Kylo had suffered, so much it had begun to seem normal to him, safe.

Han searched for something to say. “Hey, do you maybe want to sit up? Maybe you’ll feel better if you kind of, shake it off, a little.”

Han phrased it like a request, but Kylo responded as if it had been an order. He rolled over carefully and sat up, hugging his arms around himself and staring blankly at the level of Han’s chest, awaiting any further commands.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean – You didn’t have to if –” Han cursed himself. They had all been trying so hard not to force things onto Ben, but it was so hard when even a light suggestion was taken as an order.

“How are you doing?” Han asked, knowing it was a stupid question, but not knowing what else to say.

Kylo glanced up at him carefully, like he was judging Han’s mood before lowering his eyes again. His eyes were rimmed red, and he was so pale from lack of food. He shrugged, not willing to talk but compelled to answer in some way. Not responding to a direct question was just as bad as disobedience. Hux had taught him that.

Han glanced at the coffee table to the three full glasses of water and cold soup that had been placed there as offerings. All of it was untouched.

“What do we think about drinking some water? Your mom was saying you haven’t had anything in almost two days. I’m sure you’re parched, right?” Han asked.

This time, a shadow of stubbornness crossed Kylo’s face. He clenched his jaw and hunched his shoulders a little more. He shook his head. His silent, passive protest was the only thing he could do, and he wasn’t willing to give up on it until they let him see Hux.

“Come on, Ben. Please drink some water. You can’t go this long without it. It’s not good for you.” Han pleaded, pushing the water closer to him. Kylo looked at it but didn’t make a move to grab it.

Han didn’t know what to do. He was sure if he made it a command, if he hardened his voice and snapped out the order, Kylo would stiffen and widen his eyes and comply immediately. He would drain all three of those glasses without a word and then eat the food as well. Han knew it was good for Kylo, that he was only succeeding in hurting himself by doing this, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. The idea of acting like Hux in any way at all was enough to make him want to cry.

After spending another twenty minutes trying to cajole Kylo into drinking, Han eventually gave up.

Kylo stopped sleeping. At first, he was only too willing to drop into unconsciousness at a moment’s notice, but it was like that first dream had served to open the floodgates. Now, every time he closed his eyes, he’d have a nightmare. He had dreams of Hux grabbing his arms and shaking him so hard his neck broke, Phasma stubbing out burning cigarettes on his skin, being drowned in one inch of water in the bathtub while Hux stroked his hair. Awful things that seemed to be a mix of memories and that endless well of fear that Hux had hollowed in him. Most of the time, he managed not to wake up screaming, but it was a hard-fought battle.

These dreams bothered him. He didn’t know why he should be afraid of things which never happened.

Kylo’s silent, passive protest came to a head on the third day. The one activity he could be coaxed into was taking a shower. It was comforting, peaceful, letting the warm water course over him, eyes closed, mind fuzzy and empty. When he let his mind go far enough away, he expected to feel Hux step in behind him, slot his body into the small space of the shower, use his weight to press Kylo against the wall. Kylo just felt lonely without it. During these showers, he couldn’t stop touching the parts of his body that had been irrevocably marked. He would trace his fingers up and down his scars, rest his palm against the brand over his heart, imagine that brought him closer to Hux. He hoped that wherever Hux was, he knew Kylo was doing this, that he would know Kylo was still loyal to him. Once, he became so frustrated he wrapped his fingers around his still-bruised neck and squeezed, wishing for his collar back, wishing for his old life back. It had been so easy not to think, to let Hux think for him.

On the third day of his fast, he zoned out so much in the shower he didn’t notice when the steam and heat had fogged up the bathroom so much he was quite dizzy from hunger and thirst. Before he knew it, he had swooned, his mind graying out. His elbow hit the counter with a painful crack, and he pulled the entire shower curtain down with him.

He stared dazed at the ceiling as he heard Luke shout and shove the door open. The trust they said they had for him didn’t extend to letting him lock the door, not that he probably would anyway. That sort of thing wasn’t allowed.

“Ben! Ben, what happened?” His uncle’s worried face hovered over him. He felt hands lift his shoulders and then he was half-leaning against Luke, trying to stop the room from spinning, body limp. Luke threw a towel over his legs and waist to preserve his modesty, not that Kylo cared.

Rey appeared in the doorway. “I heard a crash, what – Is he _bleeding_?”

“It’s just a nosebleed, I think. He fainted, probably because he hasn’t eaten anything in three days.”

The anger in Luke’s voice sank into Kylo’s buzzy consciousness. He usually assumed any anger was directed at him. He blinked sluggishly. “_Sorry_.” He muttered. It was usually best to get the jump on apologies before things got worse.

Luke rubbed his upper arms vigorously like he was trying to warm him up, which was ridiculous given the temperature of the bathroom. “Ben, are you hurt anywhere else?”

Kylo’s entire right arm was numb from elbow down to his wrist, but he couldn’t find the words in his mouth to communicate this concept. The stud in his tongue was heavy and he felt slow and stupid. Kylo shook his head morosely and burrowed his face into Luke’s chest. He started crying softly, doing his best to muffle the sound.

Luke froze before looking at Rey almost helplessly. He rubbed his shoulders. “Oh hey, it’s okay. There’s no need for that…”

Kylo was saying something, and Luke had to lean in close to hear him. “_Please… Please just let me see him. Please that’s all I want, that’s all I’m asking, I’ll do whatever you want please._”

“Ben, you know we can’t. We _can’t_.” Luke pleaded with him, appealing to the reason that had long since flown from Kylo’s brain.

Kylo knew a shut-down when he heard one. There was no use in pleading any longer. His new keepers had decided he was to be miserable and alone and purposeless, and there was nothing he could do about it. He shut his mouth, pressing his hands over his face, shivering despite the warmth in this room.

Rey fetched a change of clothes and then shut the door to give them privacy while Luke wrangled Kylo into them. Kylo moved like a dressmaker’s doll, moving easily in response to Luke’s nudging, but doing nothing of his own volition. The horrible, vacant stare was back.

They got him back into bed and left him. They thought he was asleep, but Kylo didn’t want to return to that twilit nightmare anytime soon. He stared expressionlessly as the far wall and listened to them having a conversation outside his room.

Luke’s voice. “Leia, we have to do something. He’s going to kill himself if it goes on like this any longer.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Leia’s frustrated voice followed. “What would you have me do? Our two options are force-feeding him or letting him back into that monster’s arms. How is that a choice?”

“Maybe we should. I don’t like it any more than you do, but when the other option is Hux…” Luke said softly.

There was a long silence. “You had better not be suggesting what I think you are.” Leia said lowly. “No. I’m not doing that to him. After everything he’s been through, you want me to hold him down and shove food down his throat? Do you want to do it? You really want to show him that we’re not any better than him, that we may talk the talk, but when it comes right down to it, we will take that choice away from him anyway. How fast do you think the tiny, tiny bit of trust we’ve built up will erode then?”

“He’s going to die, Leia. It’s either that or he dies. I don’t see that there’s a choice here.”

Their voices moved away so Kylo didn’t hear the rest of the conversation.

Sometime later, Rey came into the room carrying a glass of water and a granola bar. She sat down cross-legged next to him. Once they’d left the room, Kylo had moved onto the floor again. He just wasn’t comfortable being in a bed if Hux wasn’t there.

“Ben, you need to drink this glass of water. I’m not leaving until you do.” She said firmly. She bit her lip slightly, which was the only tell that she was anxious.

Kylo had his back against the wall. He didn’t move, just looked at her with dark eyes. It wasn’t an order, so he didn’t have to.

“You think I won’t do it. I mean it. I’m going to sit here until you finish all of this. I swear to God. Don’t test me.” Rey said, some of her bouncy bossiness coming through.

Kylo thinned his lips. “No.” He croaked, his lips chapped and dry. The sight of that water had him dying to grab it and slake his thirst, but he couldn’t let himself give up so easily. This was his only bargaining chip, and he wasn’t going to let it go.

“You’re stubborn, but I’m more stubborn. We can do this all day.” Rey said, pushing the water a little closer to him. Kylo looked away.

Rey was true to her word. She sat there for hours, sometimes talking to him, sometimes just lounging on her back and playing with her hair. Kylo didn’t respond.

This evening proved that the two of them were living in very different worlds. If this was a movie, Rey would prevail. They would sit through hours of awkward silence progressing as quickly as a montage, but eventually Kylo would relent. He’d drink the water. He’d smile and ask for more. He’d stand up, shake off the hold Hux had on him and move on. All that was needed was a little bit of Rey’s stubbornness.

This was what Rey was expecting. Not in such simplistic terms. She wasn’t truly expecting Kylo to magically get better overnight or anything, but she thought when he relented and drank the water, that might be the first step towards thawing him out, the first step to getting her best friend back. She was a creature of hope, and she didn’t have it in her to imagine this wouldn’t work.

It didn’t work.

Kylo was living in a different world. What he seemed unable to express was that Hux was truly the only thing he had left, that if he wasn’t allowed to see him, he didn’t care if he died. Hux had so carefully curated Kylo’s dependence on him that he truly couldn’t imagine life without him now.

When Leia walked into the room later on that night and saw Rey asleep, the water completely untouched, and Kylo still unmoving crouched against the wall, she knew they had no choice.

* * *

The next day, Leia woke up before everyone else and called Holdo. She answered on the third ring, obviously just having woken up. “Leia?”

Leia scrubbed her face with one hand. “I need your advice, Amilyn. Both professional and, personal. He’s still not eating. I don’t think he’s going to give up. He’s too stubborn.”

Holdo perked up quick enough at the serious tone of the conversation. “Leia, you know what I’m going to say. You should have him hospitalized. It may be unpleasant in the short run, but he could incur lasting damage if this goes on for much longer.”

Leia shut her eyes, just imagining it. She was sure they’d be very humane, but they would lock Ben in a room, hold him down, force the food down his throat. They would sedate and intubate him, nothing that would _hurt_ him, of course, but they might be forced to restrain him, because she was sure Ben wouldn’t cooperate. She couldn’t stand the thought of being the one to subject him to yet more confinement and what would feel like torture. She couldn’t fathom being the one to force him to do something against his will. Again.

“Amy, I can’t do that to him. There is another option. I’m sure that… he could make Ben eat.” Leia said, hating the words even as they came out of her mouth.

There was a pause. “I don’t need to tell you that I think it’s a bad idea. You _know_ it’s a bad idea. Being separated from Hux is the best chance he’s got. He’s making a little bit of progress already. Putting him in a room with Hux again would be unpredictable. We might lose all of the ground we’ve gained in just a few minutes.” Holdo said.

“Or seeing him defeated might jump-start something in his brain. Maybe it’s been long enough that he’ll start to realize how truly awful Hux was.” Leia said, knowing she was only pleading with herself.

“It’s possible, but… I really don’t think it’s been long enough yet.” Holdo said doubtfully.

Leia let out a breath. “This is the _only_ thing he’s asked of me. I keep telling him that he can trust me, that I’d do anything for him, but I won’t do the one thing he wants. How is he supposed to believe me? I think if I let them see each other for no more than a few minutes, the damage will be minimal. Hux can’t hurt him any more than he’s already been hurt, and maybe this way, Ben will start to see that I am willing to give him what he wants even when I don’t want to.”

Holdo was silent on the line, giving it some thought. “I guess I can see the sense in that. You might be right. Just be very careful. He’s still dangerous, even when he’s locked up.”

“Oh, I won’t forget that even for an instant.” Leia hardened her voice. “Besides, I don’t think Hux is as unassailable as he seems. After all, I’ve got the one thing he wants the most.”

She waited until everyone was awake, discussing her plan with Luke first. He didn’t love it, but didn’t have another suggestion, and so reluctantly agreed.

Luke and Leia had Ben follow the out to the car. They drove in silence for an hour until they came to the location where they were holding Hux. She led them inside and asked Ben to wait in one of the empty offices. Luke came too but he left to attend to business elsewhere in the building. Ben sat down obediently. He had perked up at the possibility of seeing Hux. Before she left the room, she placed a water bottle in front of him and looked at him pleadingly. He shook his head. Not until he saw Hux.

She walked down the hall to the guard on duty, a bruiser with more strength than smarts. He stood up and grinned at Leia when she strode down the hallway like he was a security guard for an amusement park and not responsible for a murderer.

“I don’t think you want to go in there. It’s like having Hannibal Lecter locked up or something. He’s fucking creepy.” The guy said, smirking like he’d said something clever.

Leia gave the man a withering look. “If you’d seen what I’d seen him do, you wouldn’t be making light. He’s dangerous, and you shouldn’t lose sight of that for a second.”

The man’s smile dimmed a little bit. Leia thought vaguely about finding a new guard after she was done here.

Leia entered Hux’s cell, schooling her expression so he couldn’t see an ounce of the duress she was under. The cell was small and bare. The only furnishings were a bed attached to the wall, sink, and toilet. A lone bare lightbulb was the only illumination. No windows. Han had been pushing for worse accommodations, and Leia understood the impulse.

Hux was standing beside the bed like he was waiting for her, hands clasped casually behind his back. He was still wearing the clothes they’d taken him in, and they were rumpled and dirty. He didn’t look like a prisoner, he looked like someone assessing a job candidate, cool and in control. The only thing that ruined the illusion was how flat his hair was, and the bandage across the bridge of his nose, which was still a little swollen. He had a purple bruise darkening the right side of his face. Leia couldn’t help the dark part of her that almost told her men not to give him any treatment for his broken nose, but that would have made her just like him.

He smiled when he saw her. “General Organa,” he greeted.

She scowled. “Armitage.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure? I was under the impression you were leaving me here to rot.” Hux sat on his bed, and again, he somehow managed to make the move look like he was sitting behind a desk in his own office and not a dirty bed in a dank cell.

His haughtiness made Leia so angry she felt the urge to throttle him. She tried not to let any of that show on her face. He thrived on causing a reaction. She dragged a chair into the room and sat. “I am. I have no intention of ever letting you go. Not after what you’ve done.”

Amusement sparked in Hux’s eyes. “Sharp words, but I doubt you have the mettle to follow through. If you did, I’d be dead right now.”

“If I had my way, you would be.” Leia said bitterly.

Hux grinned his shark’s smile. “And how is my boy doing? I do miss him terribly.”

Leia gave him an icy stare. “Get used to missing him. You’ll have to.”

Finally, a flicker appeared in Hux’s eyes, proof that she had succeeded in bothering him, but it disappeared just as quick. “And what do you think, now that you’ve had a little time to admire my handiwork?”

Leia thought about the hunted look in Ben’s eyes, the way the compulsion to please wasn’t so much an instinct as a survival mechanism, the blank, automatic way he moved after being told to do something. Most of all, she couldn’t get the image of those bruised fingermarks on his hips out of her mind. She didn’t let herself react. She knew that’s what he wanted.

“You don’t get to know how he’s doing. I’m here to get something from you.” She snapped. “I need you to tell me something. I need to understand.”

Hux raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“I don’t mean to be egocentric, but was this all about me? All because I sent Ben to steal from you? It wasn’t his idea. All he was doing was following orders.” And oh, how she hated how those words stuck in her throat now.

Hux’s expression was unreadable. “What mother wouldn’t consider the pain of her children worse than any pain inflicted on her?” His tone was very reasonable, matter of fact, like torturing and brainwashing her son was a practical business decision.

“So this _was_ about me.” Leia said.

“In the beginning, yes. To be honest, my initial plan was to break him and drop him off at your doorstep. You might have been able to salvage some of him, but you would never think to cross me again.” Hux said, clasping his hands. She stared at his fingers. They were long like pianist’s fingers; he was such a lithe man to have caused so much pain.

“What changed?”

Hux smiled again. It was so devoid of warmth, like an icy plain. This was the only smile, the only source of comfort Ben had had for nearly two years. “Oh, Leia, he was just so much _fun_. I couldn’t bear to let him go. Do you know what he sounds like when he’s choking on his own tears, begging me to stop hurting him? How beautiful he looks when he’s looking up at you with huge eyes and some blood running down his chin, his little mind running in circles trying to figure out how to please you? It’s gorgeous. It seemed like such a shame to give that up.”

Leia slapped him. She couldn’t help it. Hux’s head jerked to the side. He smiled even more. Leia had to work very hard to master herself and stop from screaming at him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Well, I hope you enjoyed it while you could, because you won’t be doing it ever again. You won’t be doing much of anything ever again.” Leia snapped.

Hux frowned, visibly irritated for the first time. “What are you doing here? Surely you’re not here to chat. Did you want details? Did you want an itemized list of everything I did to him, because I can provide that for you, but I think I’ll enjoy it more than you would.”

“No, I know everything I need to. I don’t want to know about the past. I’m here to talk about the future. About what I’m going to do with you.” Leia said.

Hux finally lost the disinterested look in his eyes. “Oh? Have you finally decided to do the right thing and put me out of my misery then?”

“Not yet. You know why I can’t. I hope you’re pleased with yourself.” Leia said bitterly.

“And how _is_ he doing?” This was the second time Hux had asked, and his practiced indifference didn’t completely hide the desperation underlying the question. Neither did the fact that he hadn’t called him Kylo to deliberately antagonize her. He really wanted to know.

Leia gave him some of the truth. “He won’t eat, he won’t drink. He barely sleeps, he won’t talk. He says he wants to see you. It’s just about the only thing he does talk about.”

Gratification shone in Hux’s eyes. “Good boy.”

“I need you to tell him to eat and to drink. He won’t listen to anybody else. Neither one of us wants him to waste away, I think. That would ruin your fun, wouldn’t it?” She said.

Hux was taken aback for the first time in this conversation. “You’re going to let Kylo see me? I must admit I’m surprised.”

Leia couldn’t help the frustration from bleeding into her voice. “I hate the idea of letting him anywhere near you, but he’s going to starve himself to death if we don’t let him see you.”

“So you’re bargaining with me.” Hux grinned.

“I’m not bargaining. I’m telling. You have two minutes and that’s it. If you say anything to upset him, this will be the last time you ever see him.”

Hux perked up, a possessive gleam entering his eyes. “He’s here? Now?”

“Yes. Will you do it?” Leia said.

“You’re not going to offer me anything in return? A lobster dinner? Terrycloth robes? Feather pillows to sleep on?” Hux smiled.

“What’s the point in bribing a dead man?” She said flatly.

Some of the amusement dimmed from Hux’s eyes. “You know you can’t-”

“For now. But what you don’t seem to understand is that I have time on my side. Ben will come around sooner or later. One day, your fingers are going to tire and your grip is going to loosen, and then I’ll be free to do what I’ve been wanting to for months.” Leia intoned.

Hux tried a sneer on for size. “I don’t believe you will. You’re too good, you won’t kill a prisoner in cold blood. Like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”

Leia was unmoved. “Like I said, for now. But what you don’t seem to understand is how much I loathe you. You’re an insect gorging on blood. You like how dependent you made Ben on you, but the only thing standing between you and a six-foot grave is the word of a man you beat and scarred and coerced for two years. How long do you think it’s going to take for him to express some doubts? Because let me tell you, I’ll be right there when he does. I will see you dead for what you’ve done. That’s all there is to say.”

Hux’s face tightened. For once, he didn’t have a snappy comeback. He could see how serious she was, and the shadow of apprehension entered him for the very first time.

He opened his mouth to reply, and she interrupted him. It felt good. “I’m just going to cut through the bullshit, because we both know you’re going to say yes. But I want to make one thing abundantly clear. You stay on your side of the room. You do not touch him. Your one topic of conversation will be asking him to eat and drink. That’s it. If you try and bring up any other topic, the meeting is over.”

Hux clenched his jaw. “I find it very amusing that you think you can force me to do anything. Many have tried. Your brother for one. None have succeeded.”

Leia pointed at the bruise on his chin. “Yes, I can see that. I commend his effort, although I could have told him not to waste his breath. You only care about one thing, don’t you? Ben. And although you pretend at indifference, I can see how desperate you are to see him. If I don’t want it, you’ll never see him again. Think about that. Blow your one chance, and you won’t get another.”

Leia and Hux glared at each other. For one blessed minute, Hux was silent. Leia could see him working through it in his mind, examining the situation from every angle. The thing is, she was right, and Hux wasn’t used to being bested. Leia had zeroed in on his one weakness without even trying; in his own way, Hux was just as dependent on Ben’s dependence on him. He didn’t see it as a weakness, but in a situation like this, it could easily be exploited.

Leia had him, and he knew it.

“I’ll do it. Send him in.” Hux snapped, frowning.

Leia left Hux sitting in his cell and hoped she could count this as a win.

* * *

Kylo sat waiting for Leia to come back, his leg shaking with nerves. He didn’t believe she was really going to let him see Hux. The past few days had reached a somewhat unreal glint because of how hungry he was. He’d become used to physical discomfort, but that didn’t mean that he liked it. The room he was in was bare and cold. It reminded him uncomfortably of Hux’s basement, the place where he’d been the most miserable.

While he waited for her, his thoughts turned to what she had told him the other day, about everything she had gone through to find him when he had disappeared. Initially, he had rejected this as misinformed or part of a half-truth, or otherwise suspect. What Leia was telling him would seem to be proof that Hux had lied to him. Despite everything, that was the one thing he could count on, that Hux would be truthful with him. This cognitive dissonance only made him more desperate to see Hux. He was sure Hux would be able to explain any strangeness. He’d walk into the room and everything would be clear in a moment.

Without that certainty, that rock-solid anchoring that Hux provided, he had to admit that the things his family was telling him were starting to sink in just enough to make him uncomfortable.

An unfriendly voice from the doorway interrupted his reverie. “So I see they let you off the chain. If it were up to me, I would have left you there to starve.” It was garbled and almost unintelligible. Kylo didn’t recognize it.

He twisted around in his seat to see a man blocking the exit. It took him a moment to remember who this was. The man had red bloodshot eyes, and half his face was swaddled in some kind of flesh-colored fabric as if to hide some injury. He was missing teeth on one side, and he was looking at Kylo with murder in his eyes. Kylo’s heart skipped a beat. _Jack_. Last time he’d seen him, he was being loaded into the back of Phasma’s truck moaning in agony. Agony that Kylo had caused. He had no idea that he’d survived.

Kylo scrambled to his feet and backed away, flying back into survival mode in a second, like he’d never left it. He stood silent, stock-still, staring wide-eyed.

Jack filled the doorway squarely, blocking off the only exit. He gestured at his mutilated face with a permanent grimace. “Not very pretty, is it? I have you to thank for that.”

Kylo was having a hard time reconciling the appearance of Jack in this room now. Jack seemed so disconnected from where he was now he couldn’t quite nail it down in his mind. “Wh-what are you doing here?” He stuttered.

Jack grinned as much as he was able. “You have me to thank for getting your master caught. They probably would have never found out where he lived if I hadn’t told them. They took me hostage a while ago, but honestly, they were doing me a favor.”

Kylo strangely felt hurt by this, although it made no sense. “What? Why would you do that?” He croaked.

Jack gave him a blank stare. “Why do you think? I want him dead for what he did to me. For what _you_ did to me.”

For once, Kylo felt not fear but anger rise in him. This was only because it was on behalf of Hux and not himself. “You betrayed him. You deserve everything you got. And more.” He snapped, voice a little croaky.

Jack took a step into the room. “Brave words coming from you now, but don’t forget I know you. I see you took that collar off. I know exactly what you are. You’re just a dog that comes when your master calls you. You’re nothing without him. I hope you know that.”

Kylo’s hand came up to worry at his throat where the red indent from the collar still was. It had been on his neck so long that this mark was probably permanent. For what felt like the hundredth time, he wished for it back. “I’m not ashamed of it. I think you’re just jealous that Hux chose me instead of you.” He said with conviction.

Jack laughed in disbelief. “Jesus, you really believe that, don’t you? You don’t think you should be ashamed that you let him tie you up and order you around? That you’re so weak-willed that you looked at a man who degraded you and turned you into his bitch, and decided to love him? You don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? You’re disgusting. I hope you know that. You deserve each other.”

Kylo didn’t have a comeback for this. He opened his mouth to respond, but despite himself, felt a frisson of shame in his stomach.

Jack took another step forward, sneering. “Because let me tell you, if he’d tried to do that to me, I would have killed myself or him months before I would’ve spread my legs for him. If you weren’t so spineless, you would’ve done the same. Strong people don’t let things like that happen to them.”

Jack’s poisonous words were digging into Kylo’s mind despite himself. He hunched his shoulders. “You don’t understand. We love each other.” He said softly.

Jack snorted. “Yeah, that ring in your nose tells a different story. I don’t suppose he ever would have let you do something like that to him.”

“I think you should leave.” Kylo said bloodlessly.

“Oh, now you think you’re good enough to order me around? I don’t think so. Get on your knees, you piece of shit.” Jack snapped.

Kylo, completely unable to disobey a direct order, sank to his knees without question. He watched Jack approach with a growing apprehension that he couldn’t do a think about. He really thought he was done with this, that Hux would be the only one who could do this to him. The snapped order had served to remind him of his place. Jack had proved he was _in charge_. There could be no more arguing with him.

Jack pulled a gun out of his waistband. “Stole this from the guard. They really don’t watch me as close as they should. I guess I’m small fish now that they’ve got the big tuna in the other room. I hope he hears this. I hope he knows his toy is being killed while he’s just a few rooms away, not able to do anything.”

Kylo was completely silent, staring at Jack and waiting for him to pull the trigger. The thought of dying really didn’t bother him very much. Hadn’t for a very long time.

When a gunshot rang out in the room, he waited for the pain to bloom. None did.

Jack stood with the gun loose in his hands, expression dumb and surprised. He collapsed to the floor, dead.

Luke rushed into the room. He’d seen Jack standing over Kylo with a gun and hadn’t hesitated. “Ben, Ben, are you okay?” He breathed, sliding next to him, thinking that he must be hurt.

Kylo felt blank. He looked at his uncle and realized that the only reason Jack had been here had been because his family had taken him in, had allowed him to poison them against Hux, to take his house from him, to take _Kylo_ from him. Any hard-won ground his family had gained in Kylo’s mind over the past week vanished in an instant.

“You let him in here?” He asked, deceptively placid.

Luke examined him quickly, seeing no wound and melting in relief. “He was supposed to be watched, but all our energy was on Hux, obviously. He snuck out without us knowing. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Poisonous feeling curdled in Kylo’s chest as he looked at Luke, his kind face melting into something horrible and small and cruel. “Yes. I think I’m seeing things a little more clearly. Thank you for that.”

Luke was about to answer when Leia ran into the room. “What happened? Luke? _What happened?_”

Luke briefed her quickly on the situation. They had a short, furious conversation. Their words blurred over Kylo’s head. He felt like he didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it didn’t matter. Things had gotten very clear for him. His family had trusted _Jack_, Jack of all people. This changed things, this changed a lot of things.

“Can I see Hux now?” He asked blankly.

Leia looked at him like he was delusional. “_Ben_, be reasonable. Look at what just happened. We need to get you out of here until we can figure all this out. Maybe later.”

Three more guards ran into the room, guns drawn, but too late. It seemed like everybody was shouting, that there were crowds of people in this room, all trying to be heard. The din was both too loud and very far away.

“I won’t drink until you let me see him.” Kylo said, thinking himself very reasonable. His resolve hadn’t weakened.

And Leia, thrown off by her meeting with Hux and understandably horrified by the bloody scene she’d just walked into, made a grave error. In her distraction, she forgot momentarily how traumatized Ben was, how disconnected from reality. She snapped at him, like anyone would in that situation.

“Oh, for God’s sake, please don’t be ridiculous! Drink that water! There’s a granola bar there for you too.” She said, distracted and flustered and mostly still looking to Luke to explain what had happened.

Kylo clamped his mouth shut, stood up, and walked over to the table, where he opened the water bottle with shaking hands and downed the whole thing. It was an order now, so he did it without question. He ripped open the granola wrapper aggressively, eating it all in three bites.

Leia and Luke were still talking. Poison filled his thoughts. They’d lied to him. They’d taken him from his home. They’d allowed a man he hated to take away a man he loved. They’d ordered him to do something against his will after promising over and over again they wouldn’t. His thoughts hardened against them.

If either Leia or Luke had noticed Ben’s hardening of resolve, certain events might have been avoided. But they were only human, and unfortunately, mistakes had a habit of being made at the worst possible moment.

With all the chaos and questioning, Kylo’s reunion with Hux was put off. It was the last thing on everyone’s minds but Kylo’s. It was the only thing on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, some mistakes were made in this chapter, but don't be too harsh. They're trying their best.
> 
> Next chapter: Phasma and trouble. Lots of it.


	33. Chapter 33

The next few days were relatively quiet. Kylo was eating again, no complaints. His family hoped that this meant he was on the mend, that an important shift had occurred in his mind.

A switch had been flipped in Kylo’s mind, but not the one they wanted. He had realized that they were all the enemy. Any doubt that had been planted in his mind had been dispelled by the incident with Jack. Anyone who trusted Jack’s word over Hux’s clearly couldn’t be trusted. What he had to do was bide his time and wait for Hux to solve things. It was only a matter of time before he could be reunited with him.

The break he was looking for came four days after Jack’s death. He was sitting in the living room picking half-heartedly at a crossword puzzle. Luke had managed to convince him to try one, although he really wasn’t expending any effort on it. He just wanted to look like he was doing something.

Luke was upstairs taking a nap, and there was one more of Leia’s men there to keep an eye on things, things being Kylo. Everybody else was out of the house.

Kylo dimly heard the phone ring but didn’t pay too much attention until the man came into the room, carrying the cordless phone.

“Hey, your friend Rey is on the phone to talk to you.” The man said.

Kylo took the phone and pressed it to his ear. “Hello?”

A young woman he didn’t recognize was on the other end. “Oh! Here he is. Hang on a second.”

There was a scuffling sound like the phone was changing hands. An icy woman’s voice spoke. “Here’s your fifty bucks. Now scram.”

Muffled footsteps. The icy voice came closer to the speaker. “Hey, kid.”

It was Phasma.

Kylo perked up immediately. “Oh, it’s-”

She interrupted him quickly. “Don’t say anything. I’m sure you can’t talk. Am I right? If I am, say ‘_I thought you would be back earlier_.’”

Kylo glanced surreptitiously after Leia’s man. He’d left the room, but he might be eavesdropping. “I thought you would be back earlier.” He parroted brightly, trying to sound as normal as he could.

“Listen. I’m outside right now watching the place. I know it’s just you and Skywalker in there. A guard or two as well. Am I right?” Phasma said, bored and lazy and in command as ever. Kylo almost melted.

“Yes.” He responded, pulling his knees under him on the couch. He was dying to run to the window and look out, but knew that would blow her cover, so he stayed where he was.

“Alright, kid. I need you to do something for me. For Hux.” Phasma said.

Kylo was dying to speak freely. _Yes yes yes of course, anything, anything at all, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it in a second, in a heartbeat._ This is what he had been dying for this entire time, just for someone to come take charge, to tell him what to do. He could have cried in relief.

He couldn’t say any of that, so he made a committal grunt.

Phasma paused, and when she spoke again, her voice was silky, careful, with the promise of hidden traps and blinds. “I’m sure I don’t need to ask this question, but I’ve always been a little more cautious than your average bear. You do still know who you belong to, yes? They haven’t been filling your head with foolish thoughts, have they?”

Kylo touched the brand over his heart reverently. He still remembered when Hux had given it to him, when he had trusted him and loved Kylo enough to know that he would stand still for it. He supposed that was what this whole interlude with his family had been. Because that’s still what he thought of it as. Not a rescue, not a reprieve. Just an interlude until he could go back to his real life, his _true_ life with Hux. Hux trusted him to be still and not succumb to the lies that were being pushed on him. Hux had said so.

“I know where I should be.” Kylo responded. _And it’s not here_ remained unsaid but understood by both.

“Good. I don’t want you thinking too hard. Don’t worry your pretty little head about anything they might be telling you that doesn’t quite make sense. They’ll say whatever they can think of to undermine Hux. They want to steal you away because they know it’ll hurt Hux. Got it?” Phasma said sharply.

“I understand.” Kylo said, pressing the phone to his ear hard. He felt cool relief flow down his spine. That’s what he thought, but it had been getting so confusing lately. Phasma gave him no opportunity to develop thoughts of his own, and that’s just what he needed most right now.

“Okay. We’ve got to hurry, so just give me yes’s or no’s. Do you know where they’re holding Hux?”

“Yes.”

“Address?”

“I can find it.”

“Can you leave the house without arousing suspicion?”

Kylo paused. “No.” He wanted to if it would make Phasma happy, but he’d only left Luke’s house twice since he got here; once he was supervised, and the other was his disastrous flight. He was sure the man watching him would get on the phone with Leia in a heartbeat if he tried to walk out the door. Besides, he still wasn’t comfortable leaving houses at all. That had been ingrained far too deep in his head.

Phasma growled in irritation.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo said automatically.

Phasma paused for a long moment, thinking hard. “Okay. Here’s what you’re going to do. Find the address, write it down, then tape it to something heavy. Toss it out the back window. I saw there’s a bathroom on the second floor. I’ll take it from there.”

Kylo’s heart leapt. This was perfect. He was about to agree when he realized something. “Uh, but what about…” He trailed off, not sure how to say it without being overheard.

“What’s that?” Phasma asked, voice icy in anticipation of disagreement.

“Aren’t… Aren’t I coming?” Kylo whispered.

Phasma relaxed. “In time. I’ll need reinforcements. Don’t worry. We’re not leaving you there.”

Kylo knew reinforcements meant Hux. He melted in relief. “Okay, ma’am. I won’t let you down.” He said, slipping in the title of respect unconsciously.

“Do it right away. I don’t want them coming home before you get it done.” Phasma said and then hung up the phone without another word.

Kylo made his excuses and found Luke’s laptop. He sat at the dining room table and turned it on. He was worried there was going to be a password, but he should have known Luke was far too trusting. He got in right away.

Kylo kept glancing at the door, his heart beating far too fast. Despite the fact that this was for Hux, he knew this was something he shouldn’t be doing. He was afraid of someone walking in on him. He didn’t have a very clear picture of what would happen if he was caught, but the fear of getting caught was enough.

As fast as he could, he searched in Google for the place. He remembered more or less where it was, having paid attention to the streets they were crossing. With a little bit of digging, he found the address. He scribbled it down on a scrap of paper, closed the laptop, and then followed Phasma’s directions to a tee. He taped it to a paperback he found on the bookshelf and tossed it out the upstairs window before anyone saw him do it.

Then he just had to wait and hope that Phasma was good to her word.

* * *

Hux was pulled from a light sleep by the klaxon of an alarm. He sat up as fast as he could on his bare bunk and turned his attention on the locked door.

His internal clock was all off because of the lack of windows in his cell, but as best as he could figure it, it was sometime in the middle of the afternoon. His slightly smaller ‘morning’ meal had arrived a few hours ago, and he was sure the people holding him weren’t clever enough to play with his sense of time.

He got to his feet and dug under his mattress for the makeshift knife he’d fashioned out of a stolen pen one of the guards had foolishly left out. He angled his body so his right hand was hidden. Anyone who ran into the room wouldn’t see he had a weapon until it was too late.

He wondered if one of Kylo’s family had finally come to their senses, broke ranks, and decided to kill him. Their decision not to, while in his best interest, stank of weakness.

His dirty, flat hair kept falling into his face, and he brushed it aside with a snarl of irritation. It had been something like two weeks or thereabouts, and he was still in the same clothes they’d taken him in. He hadn’t gotten a shower or a change the entire time, and it was starting to get to him. He hated mess.

Gunshots echoed through the facility. Somebody screamed down the hallway. It sounded like a man. Hux readied himself, stance ready to twist away at a moment’s notice.

The fumbled sound of keys sounded in the lock, and the door was thrown open. What Hux had come to think of as the most stupid of all his guards shuffled into the room, half-distracted and looking behind himself fearfully. He was carrying handcuffs.

“Get against the wall. Hands on the concrete. We’re under attack. I’m getting you out of here to a safe distance.” The guard snapped.

Hux backed up towards the wall as if he were cooperating, to draw the man further into the room. Hux waited coolly. The man looked up at him and frowned. “I _said_, hands against the wall. You don’t want me to make you.”

Hux grinned sharply. “I’d like to see you try.”

The man lumbered toward him, arm extended. Hux waited until the last second, pulling his arm out of the way to lure the man closer into his orbit. He grabbed the guard by the back of the neck and slit his throat.

Unfortunately, the pen he’d fashioned wasn’t nearly as sharp as he wanted it to be, so it wasn’t a clean cut. Hux managed to saw through half of his throat unevenly until it got caught in a chunk of gristle. His fingers slipped.

The man stumbled back from Hux, cawing hoarsely from his shredded throat. Hux was advancing on him to finish the job when the flash of another person in the doorway caught his attention.

A second guard stood there, open-mouthed at the sight. He very quickly got himself back in order when he saw Hux look at him. “Drop it, asshole!” He shouted.

Before Hux could react, the second man ran right at him, grabbing his arms and slamming him against the wall. Hux cried out as the back of his skull impacted the wall. His fingers loosened and he dropped the knife on the ground. Stars burst across his vision. The room spun around him.

“Shit, shit, _shit!_ Don, you okay?” The second guard asked, not taking his eyes off Hux. This man would be harder to trick. Hux’s wrists were being held in an iron grip, and he couldn’t get free.

Don gurgled somewhere on the floor, professing that he was not, in fact, okay.

Hux snarled and struggled to get loose. The guard shoved him again. He had the muscle mass of a pro wrestler, so they were unevenly matched.

“You gonna cooperate so I can get some help for him?” The guard asked, tightening his grip.

There was blood in Hux’s mouth. He spat it at him. “Not a chance.”

The guard sighed. “Yeah, thought so.”

He wrestled Hux away from the wall. Hux tried dropping his weight, but this just worked in the guard’s favor. Next thing Hux knew, he found himself face-down on the ground, his arms being wrestled behind his back. He bucked his hips in an attempt to get the guard off of him, but the man was too heavy. He couldn’t even get his knees under himself. The best he could do was get one arm free. He was almost blind with rage, baring his teeth in a snarl of effort. He began spitting curses.

“If you don’t get off of me, I’m going to rip your fucking spine out through your _throat_!” Hux growled, reaching out for the dropped knife that was just out of reach.

The unfortunate Don was flat on his back, gasping like a fish and holding loosely to his throat like he could keep himself together that way. He was fading fast.

The second guard dug his knees into Hux’s back and began grasping for the fallen handcuffs. Both of their quarries were just out of reach, and neither could get to it without letting go of the other.

“F-Fuck, you piece of shit.” The guard panted, scraping the edge of the handcuff chain with his fingers. “Will you just fucking stay down?”

If Hux could have bit through the man’s fingers in that moment, he would have. He decided this one was going to die slow. He was so furious he literally snapped his teeth together and growled with rage. He was out of breath from the weight on his chest.

The next few events happened in quick succession. The guard threw his weight forward in a flash, managing to snag the handcuffs and land back on Hux. “Gotcha!” He huffed triumphantly.

That split second allowed Hux to wrap his fingers around his prize, the already blood-soaked makeshift knife. The guard might have noticed that crucial detail in time to save himself, except for that moment a bellow crested over the earsplitting howl of the alarm.

“Hux!” Phasma shouted down the hallway. “Where are you?”

The guard whipped his head around in distraction. Hux turned the knife so it was firmly in his grip, teeth bared, eyes full of fury trained on the dying man he’d already maimed.

The guard was only distracted for a few seconds, but it was enough. He turned back to Hux and grabbed one of his wrists, intending to cuff him.

Hux moved so fast the guard didn’t have a chance. He used the leverage the guard had on his arm to flip himself onto his back, using his momentum to drive the knife right into the man’s right eye.

The guard let go of him immediately. Hux sat up and kicked him viciously in the ribs. The guard fell backward and howled, bringing his hands up to cradle his face. Blood and worse oozed down his cheek from his ruined eye.

Hux scrambled up to his knees, relishing his newfound freedom. He snarled and lunged forward, using all his body weight to slam the man’s head against the edge of the hard bed. There was a decisive clunk and the man’s remaining eye went swimmy.

Hux growled again, straddling the man and driving the knife into his stomach once, and again, and again, and again. The man made a weird clicking sound in his throat and jerked with every stabbing motion.

Hux panted with exertion, sweaty hair all over the place. Every limb was buzzing with adrenaline. He could have kept fighting for hours, it felt like, but the man was already dead, wide eyes staring up at the ceiling. Hux was disappointed. He usually liked to take his time with things like this.

Phasma called from the doorway, amused. “I see you got started without me. I guess I didn’t even need to show up.”

Hux dropped the knife on the ground and stood up, staggering a little with leftover adrenaline. He tried to get some of his usual composure back, but he still felt like fighting or fucking or anything physical really. He wished Kylo was here so he could press his warm hand against his throat and watch it flutter with nerves, feel him swallow as he stilled beneath him and stared up with those wonderful, wide eyes of his.

“Phasma. I didn’t know you were coming.” He said, like she’d forgotten to RSVP to brunch instead of breaking him out of custody.

She reloaded her gun with a glance back down the hallway. “Yeah, well, I live to irritate. You want to get out of here?”

Hux ground his heel into the bony hand of the dying Don and relished the pained gurgle he got in response. It would be crueler to just leave him like this. He took a step toward Phasma. “Gladly.”

He followed Phasma’s lead as they jogged back toward the door. There were a half dozen bodies on the way, blood splatters up the wall from men being flung against it from the force of a bullet.

“Did you bring him with you?” Hux asked, desperate to know. Kylo had been practically the only thing he’d thought of the entire time he’d been held. He was confident in the strength of his conditioning, was certain his family wouldn’t have been able to make any sort of progress in deprogramming him in the short time they’d had him back, but that didn’t mean it was any easier to let him go like he did. His hands itched to run through Kylo’s long hair, tugging gently just to see him wince. He was so used to having Kylo there at his disposal whenever he wanted that he didn’t enjoy being denied.

Phasma peered around a corner before turning. It was hard to hold a conversation over the deafening alarm. “No. He was being watched. It was more trouble than it was worth. No offense, but my priority was getting you out. If you want your boy back, you’ll have to get him yourself.”

Hux grabbed a gun off the body of one of the men they were passing. “Where is he? Organa’s house?”

“No, Skywalker. His uncle. I talked to him. He’s the one who got me the address. He’s as sweet as ever. You won’t have any trouble bringing him back to heel.” Phasma said.

Hux bit back his reply, waiting until they were outside again. He was elated at the news. He couldn’t help the small part of him that had been worried Kylo would have come to his senses.

They ran out the back door into blessed silence. Hux was blown over by the unexpected cold. It was a damp, drizzly day in midwinter. Phasma led him over to her stolen car and tossed an overcoat at him before sliding into the driver’s seat.

She sped away from the facility. Hux kept an eye out behind them until he was sure they weren’t being followed. They drove in silence for half an hour before pulling into the parking lot of an abandoned laundromat. They both took a huge breath.

“Well? What now?” Phasma asked, eyebrow quirked.

Hux had to get one thing out of the way before he thought of the future. “Don’t get me wrong, Phasma. I’m grateful you came for me. I’m just wondering why. I thought I was on my own.”

Phasma drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “Snoke is dead, Jack is dead, all my men are dead, all yours are dead or AWOL. The First Order is dead. It’s time for something new, and I guess I’m not used to the feeling. I’ll be a gun for hire if I have to, but I wanted to see if you had any bright ideas. You were always the one with a purpose.”

Hux took a moment to think about it while looking out the window. He was still coming down from the high of escape. His short-term goals were quite simple. Get Kylo back. Get out of Dodge. After that… he was shocked to realize he hadn’t really thought about it. This was so out of the norm for him that he was surprised with himself. “I think… there might be a toehold to be carved out in Europe. I miss Ireland.”

Phasma shot a glance at him in surprise. “Ireland? That’s where you’re from, right?”

Hux nodded. He’d come over to the US when he was very young, and as a result had lost almost any trace of his accent. However, he’d kept Ireland open as a distant option, a real Fuck Everything and Run kind of plan. If this didn’t qualify as drastic circumstances, he didn’t know what did. “Any interest in seeing what Europe has to offer?” He asked her, for once uncertain of what she’d say. As far as he knew, she’d never been out of the country.

She blew out a breath through her teeth. “Normally, I’d say no, but… This town is fucked for me. Half the country is. Why not? I want to get one thing straight, though. I do this, and come over with you, I’m not your goon anymore. We’re partners. Equal. Full. Got it?”

This was one deal Hux was happy to make. Phasma was the most capable person he’d ever worked with. He extended a hand. “Deal.”

They shook on it, cold and fog curling in from outside.

Phasma gave a curt nod, eyes flinty in the dark car. “Right, now that that’s settled. I assume you’re going after him.”

“Of course. He’s mine. I’m not leaving him.” Hux said quietly.

“I’ll be your getaway driver, but I’m not coming in with you. I’m not risking getting caught again. If you want him back, you’re going to have to go it alone.” Phasma said resolutely.

Hux nodded. “I understand. I wouldn’t expect you to put yourself in danger on my account. I can handle him.”

“Alright. Then let’s go.” Phasma said, no more words needed. They pulled off from the curb, a plan already percolating in Hux’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear.....
> 
> Sorry for the shortish chapter, but merging it with the next chapter would have messed up the pacing. I'll try to post the next chapter a little early to make up for it.
> 
> Also, it's official. There will be 3 more chapters, definitively. We're nearly at the end, folks.


	34. Chapter 34

Kylo was pulled roughly from an uneasy sleep by the sound of arguing and thudding footsteps coming up the stairs. He rocketed awake immediately, standing up and pressing himself against the wall. Had they found out what he’d done? Nerves pulled at him.

“How did this happen _two hours ago_ and nobody chose to tell me?” Leia’s angry voice snapped from the stairs. Kylo flinched. She was going to know it was him, and then this nice charade she was putting on would end. He’d be hurt for this, and there was even a part of him that felt like he deserved it. He would do anything for Hux, but there was a small, traitorous part of him that knew he shouldn’t have done it.

“Is everyone who works for me _completely_ incompetent? He’s one man and he was _supposed_ to be watched day and fucking night!” Leia growled. Kylo had never heard her like this. She was spitting angry, the only kind of anger that had fear underlying it. “No, no. I don’t want to hear it. I’ll handle it.”

Kylo’s door opened and his parents rushed in. Han was carrying a coat and held a pair of tattered sneakers. Kylo thought they might have been his from high school.

“What’s going on?” Kylo asked, feeling bile rise in his stomach at the lie. He knew exactly what was going on.

“Sweetheart,” Leia came over to him and gently clasped his hand. “We need to get you out of here. He… Hux escaped. He might be coming back for you, so we’re going to keep you safe.”

Kylo said nothing. He felt dazed. He thought he would be relieved at the news that Hux was coming for him. It was all he had wanted for two weeks, after all.

He tried to convince himself he was happy. Of course he was. He’d be back with Hux before the night was over, and everything would go back to normal. The world would start to make sense again. This is what he should be feeling, he knew; but he was terrified to realize that… he didn’t feel anything. His bad ankle throbbed with a dull, half-remembered pain.

Han came up to him, held out the sneakers. “Ben, please put these on. You’re coming with me.”

“Where are we going?” Kylo asked, taking the shoes.

“He’ll be expecting you to be here, so that’s where we’ll stay, but your dad is going to hide you away somewhere safe. Just until this all blows over. Okay?” Leia said, distracted and flighty.

Kylo swallowed nervously. His stomach was in knots and he didn’t know why. “Can’t… Can’t I just go with him?”

Leia looked at him sadly. “Ben, I know this is unfair and I wish it could be any other way. I wish I had time to explain this to you, and to make sure you were okay with it, but my priority right now is keeping you safe. I’ll explain everything later. Okay?”

Kylo shrugged defensively and began to put the shoes on, even though it felt strange. There were clean socks balled up in the sneakers, like someone had put them in there in anticipation of him needing them. He didn’t know why that small detail made him want to cry.

Luke appeared in the doorway, phone pressed to one ear. “I called the rest of the guys. They’re on their way here. We have to hurry, Leia. He’s already got a huge head start on us.”

Leia’s expression was bitter. “I know. I’ll be right there.” Luke disappeared.

Leia turned back to Han, who had already handed Kylo the coat to put on. Leia caressed Han’s face gently, and in that one moment, she looked younger than Kylo had ever seen her, like how he imagined she looked when his parents were young and freshly in love. He didn’t know why this thought occurred to him so suddenly.

“Han, please take care of yourself. I need you with me now more than ever.” They embraced, faces pressed into each other’s shoulders. It was strange to see one’s parents so passionate with each other.

Leia turned to Kylo, and her eyes were full of tears. “Honey, I know things are hard for you right now, and I’m sorry I can’t make it any easier. If I could wave away all your pain, I would in a second. In a _heartbeat_. Just know that I love you so much. You hear me? So, _so_ much. I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what happens.”

Kylo’s lips started trembling. He felt like crying again. In a dizzy, traitorous stab, he wished he had just hung up the phone when he’d heard it was Phasma on the line. This thought was so horrible he immediately shut it down.

Leia’s arms rose, and then lowered. She brushed Ben’s hair back from his forehead gently and kissed his forehead. She had to get up on her tiptoes to reach. “Stay safe. Both of you.”

Han beckoned Kylo to the door. He followed behind his father, cool terror rising in his heart with every step. This was so much more than what he had expected and wanted.

He had the barest thought that he hoped none of them would get hurt because of him before he was ushered from the house. Han had a light grip on his upper arm, steering him out the back door. They snuck through the backyard like fugitives and into the alleyway. Han drew to a halt and looked around him with wide eyes. Kylo stared at him, mute. As always, being outside felt dangerous and unpredictable. He huddled in closer to his father for protection.

It took them nearly half an hour to run through a dozen alleyways and backyards until they reached Han’s old rust bucket that he’d parked nearly a mile away. Kylo slid into the passenger seat at his father’s urging, and immediately, the smell of cracked leather and decades-old cigarette smoke nearly overwhelmed him. In a moment, he was transported back to childhood, to the countless days he’d sat in the backseat while his parents bickered good-naturedly over which road to take, which fast food place to stop at, which rest stop had the cleanest bathrooms. He couldn’t recall them really arguing when they were in Han’s Bentley Millennium. They only truly argued when they were in Leia’s car. He sunk down in the seat, shocked by the force of it. He felt unworthy of the memory.

Han slid into the driver’s seat and started up, pulling out into the street, confident that they’d taken enough precautions and they hadn’t been followed.

“Hey, kid. Sorry about the rude awakening. You doing okay?” Han said finally once they were on the highway.

Kylo shrugged. He was trying to hold his breath, avoid breathing in that familiar smell. It felt tempting, dangerous in a way he couldn’t describe.

“Look, I owe you an apology. I haven’t been… Well, I haven’t really been handling any of this well. If I’ve done anything to scare you or make you uncomfortable, I’m… I’m really sorry. I guess I’m just not that good at this. I want you to feel safe when you’re with me, and I haven’t been holding up my end of the bargain, I guess.” Han said, staring at the road with his hands clenched around the wheel.

Kylo stared at his father. This was more raw emotion than he’d ever seen him exhibit. This was something his family and Rey kept doing since he got back. They all confessed to fallibility, to making mistakes and trying to make them better. He wasn’t used to this kind of behavior. Hux wasn’t one to admit of any wrongdoing. Not that… not that Hux _could_ do wrong, Kylo thought to himself. It was for Hux to decide if Kylo had done wrong, not the other way around. Still… It felt… strange, to be apologized to. He didn’t know what to do with it.

After a while of Kylo not saying anything, Han reached over and took his hand. “You’re going to be okay. I truly believe that. I do.”

And Kylo didn’t squeeze his hand back. But he didn’t pull away either.

They drove for nearly two hours until they reached a dirt path branching off of the main road. Han pulled off, slowing to a near crawl to keep the worst of the gravel out of the undercarriage of his ancient car. They’d driven for about half a mile before Han caught sight of something in the rearview mirror. He braked and craned around in his seat to study the road behind them.

“What is it?” Kylo asked. He looked behind them, but didn’t see anything.

Han was silent for a moment longer before continuing on. “Nothing. Thought I saw something.”

They drove for a little while longer, before pulling into the drive of a small cabin with closed shutters. The shingles were shabby. It looked like it hadn’t been occupied in years.

“This is Luke’s.” Han explained, pulling up and turning off the engine. “I remember it being a lot nicer.”

Han frowned up at the house before getting out. Kylo didn’t move. Han hadn’t told him he could get out, after all. Han seemed to notice Kylo wasn’t following him after a few moments. He turned around and beckoned Kylo to get out. Kylo did, following instructions.

Kylo tripped on his way there, the sneaker’s worn-down treads slipping a little on the uneven gravel. They found themselves standing in front of the door. Han dug around in his pockets until he found the key, ushering Kylo into the room.

Kylo hovered awkwardly in the front hall for a few moments while Han disappeared into the other room to find the power. Kylo listened to Han grumble and curse and trip over his own feet in the dark for a few minutes before the lights come on.

He was suddenly desperately sad, cut through with a feeling he hadn’t experienced for a long time. In one of the few clear-headed thoughts he’d had, Ben remembered what normal life was like. It was Han’s gentle, curmudgeonly irritation with everyday problems that did it. For the second time, he wished he had hung up when Phasma called.

Eventually, Han came back into the room with a sheepish grin on his face. “Well, I got it working. Took me a bit, but we got there in the end.”

Kylo nodded weakly.

They both sat on the couch, Kylo tearing nervously at his fingers while Han eased back into the cushions and sighed heavily, shutting his eyes.

“You hungry? I could make you something.” Han said, fading already. It was very late, and the drive had taken a lot out of him.

“No,” Kylo said quietly.

“Okay… I know you probably don’t feel like sleeping right about now… We could… play some cards or something… I’m sure they’re around here some… where…” Han trailed off in the middle of his sentence, mouth hanging open just a little bit.

Kylo watched his father for a long time. He felt like there was something clawing at his chest. He felt on edge, but didn’t know what to do with it. He should be excited that Hux was out, he knew that. Hux would find him, and they would leave together, and everything would be good again. He just didn’t know why the sight of his exhausted, sleeping father would send ripples through that certainty of his. He didn’t know why he felt so badly about it all.

While Han dozed, Kylo did what he should have done and kept watch until he saw the inevitable headlights pulling up outside. He couldn’t bring himself to move. He hadn’t had any doubt that Hux would have found him. He always did.

He tried to tell himself the feeling he felt roll over him wasn’t dread.

* * *

As Phasma pulled up quietly to the remote cabin they’d followed Han to, Hux couldn’t help but feeling a frisson of doubt twist in his stomach. It hadn’t been _that_ long since he and Kylo had been parted, but a lot could happen in two weeks.

Phasma stopped halfway across the yard. “This is as far as I’m going. You go in and get him. If things go wrong, I’m out of here. I just want you to be fully warned.”

“I’m aware. It won’t be a problem. It will only take a minute or two.” Hux said, getting out of the car and smoothing his hair back. They’d had just enough time to stop off at Phasma’s motel to get a change and a shower, and it had done wonders.

As he walked up to the front door, Hux considered the many ways he could go about this, from the forceful to the secretive, but ultimately decided on the most straightforward method. If Kylo had been changed enough that he didn’t want to come with Hux, he’d kill him. Hux didn’t want to do it, but if he couldn’t have him, he didn’t want anyone else to have the pleasure.

With a sense of anticipation, Hux knocked on the door. There was a moment’s silence, and then a muffled crash like someone falling off of a couch.

“Who’s there?” Han shouted from inside, sounding cornered, sounding afraid. Hux loved to hear it.

Hux didn’t say anything. He didn’t bother knocking again either. They knew who it was. They knew he was there.

“I’m calling the police right now!” Han shouted again. “Get the fuck out of here!”

Hux was sure he was already fumbling open his cell phone and dialing the number. They were so isolated, though, it could take them upwards of forty-five minutes to get here. Plenty of time for them to finish their business. “You know they won’t come in time!” Hux called. “Open the door, why don’t you, and let’s talk like men.”

Thundering footsteps came from inside, and then the door was thrown open. Hux was entirely unsurprised to be met by the black sight of a gun barrel being pointed right at him. He didn’t move, didn’t make any threatening advances. Han backed up into the cabin, still aiming at him. His hands were steady. “We don’t have anything to talk about. Get off my goddamn porch or I’ll shoot you where you stand.” Han snapped, but Hux could see he was afraid. They were all alone out here. No backup.

Hux took one slow step inside. He scanned the room until he saw what he was looking for. His Kylo stood stock-still behind his father by the couch. He stared at Hux with huge eyes and a bloodless face. Hux felt irritation but no surprise to see his collar had been removed, although he was pleased to see the piercings were still in place.

“What part of get the hell out don’t you understand?” Han snapped, standing between Hux and Kylo.

Hux ignored him, looking past him to Kylo.

“Kylo. It’s time to go. Come on.” He said calmly.

Kylo swallowed nervously, but immediately took a step forward. Hux was appeased to see it.

Han jerked to the side and grabbed Kylo’s arm. “He’s not going anywhere with you. You’ve done enough!”

Kylo stopped walking immediately and let himself be held by his father, although he didn’t look away from Hux. He hadn’t said a word the whole time.

“I’ll thank you for looking after him while I was indisposed, but I’ll be taking him back now. He’s mine. I thought you would have realized that by now.” Hux hissed.

Kylo turned to his father with a look of such profound exhaustion it almost hurt to look at. The dark circles under his eyes were especially pronounced. “He’s right… You have to let me go.” He said, voice flat.

Han shook his head emphatically. He didn’t let go of Kylo. “Not happening.”

Hux sneered. “What do you think you can give him? What do you think is going to happen if he stays with you?”

“He’ll get better-” Han started.

Hux cut him off. “Does he look like he’s getting better? He’ll waste away right in front of you, that’s what will happen. I’ve given him something he can’t get from you or your wife or any of you. He was unfinished until I found him. I made him something important. I made him fit around me. None of you can say that.”

Kylo looked helplessly between them. His shoulders were rounded, and he seemed to have deflated just watching this.

Hux snapped his fingers. “Kylo, come here. Now.”

Kylo stepped forward, and again was yanked to a halt by Han’s tight grip around his upper arm. “No. I’m not going to let you take him. Ben might not know what’s good for him right now, but I do. I’m finishing this.”

Han’s face hardened with determination, and he aimed the gun a little more squarely at Hux’s head, his finger tightening on the trigger. Hux didn’t move a muscle.

Kylo’s face cycled from exhausted apathy immediately into blind panic. “_No!_” He shouted, grabbing his father’s wrist and shoving it upwards. There was a deafening bang and the bullet punched harmlessly through the ceiling. Han and Kylo jumped at the noise. Hux stayed still. He smiled.

“You see? Kylo knows his rightful place. Isn’t that right, dear?” Hux said, advancing slowly on the pair, hands casually in the pockets of his coat.

Kylo flinched a little, looked sideways at him. “Yes, Hux.” He replied automatically. The words sounded like they were being pulled out of him under duress. Hux didn’t like that hesitation he felt coming from Kylo. He would have to correct that behavior as soon as he got the chance.

Hux drew to a halt a few feet away from the struggling pair. Han was trying to do two things at once: shield Kylo from Hux while trying to get the gun aimed again. Kylo wouldn’t let him. Han was distracted by Hux’s advance, and this gave Kylo the opportunity to wrest the gun out of Han’s grip. He held it loosely pointed at the floor, like he didn’t know what to do with it. Han barely seemed to notice. He wrapped his arms around his son’s shoulders, angling his body away from Hux’s, desperate and losing.

“Why don’t you tell your father? Perhaps this will be easier for him to take if he just understands a little better.” Hux said calmly.

Kylo blinked at Hux a few times, like he was hoping against hope that Hux wouldn’t make him do this, that after all this time, he would have bought himself enough good will that Hux would give him mercy. Unfortunately, Hux wasn’t the merciful type. He trembled minutely, rooted in place.

“I belong to you, Hux. I’m whatever you want me to be, nothing more and nothing less.” Kylo recited as if by rote, voice flat and hopeless. The past few weeks had given him a slight reprieve, but ultimately, he was right back where he started, and he knew better than to fight against it. Resistance just wasn’t worth it.

Han snarled, tearful fury filling his face. “No, that’s not-”

Hux interrupted him. He felt good, on top of the world. This interlude had admittedly been a hiccup in the plan, but in the end, it was all turning out in his favor after all.

“That’s right, Kylo. Good boy.” Kylo bit his lip and looked like he was about to cry. “Han, he’s not yours anymore. He’s _my_ boy, my dog, mine to do with as I like. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. You had your chance to win him back, and you failed. Just like I knew you would.”

Han clutched the limp form of Kylo closer to him, like if he held on tight enough, he could stop all of this. “He doesn’t want to go with you! He’s just confused.”

Hux raised an amused eyebrow. “You don’t think so? I can prove it. Kylo, if I told you to get on your knees, right now, would you do it?”

“Yes.” Kylo responded. No hesitation.

“If I told you to put yourself to good use, would you?” Hux sneered.

Kylo licked his lips nervously. “Yes.” He said hoarsely.

There was an angry growl from Han in response to that.

“If I ordered you to beg me to fuck you until you cried, would you?” Hux said.

Kylo’s cheeks blazed red and he dropped his eyes to ground. “_Yes_,” He whispered.

Hux put a hand up to his ear. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Kylo looked up hesitantly. “Yes, Hux.” He said, just a little louder.

Han’s face was absolutely white with rage. He was holding onto Kylo so tightly it had to hurt. “You sick fuck. You fucking sadistic piece of _shit_. I don’t even have the words to describe how, how, _evil_ you are.”

Hux smiled like it was a compliment. “One more question, and then I’m done, I promise. Kylo, if I told you to kill your father, would you do it?”

Han and Kylo both fell silent, staring at Hux in utter shock.

“W-what?” Kylo asked faintly, as if he’d misheard.

“It was a simple question. Answer it.” Hux said, hardening his voice in the way he knew would make Kylo fall into line.

Kylo swallowed a few times. His pupils were pinpricks, and he flit his gaze between Hux and his father as if hoping someone else was going to make this decision for him.

“I…” Kylo trailed off with his mouth open. “H-Hux, please don’t make me…”

“Ben, don’t listen to him.” Han pleaded, something in his voice already betraying that he knew this was hopeless.

Hux turned his flinty gaze on Kylo. He knew this was a difficult question, but he didn’t like how long it was taking Kylo to answer. He might have a bit more correction to do than he thought. “Kylo. Answer me. _Now_.”

Kylo trembled, dry-swallowed a few more times. Tears rose to his eyes and then fell down his cheeks. “I, oh, um… H-Hux, you can’t… I don’t _want_ to… Can’t I j-just, just come with y-you?”

Hux frowned, letting his impatience show, knowing that usually this was enough to force Kylo to comply. “This isn’t a negotiation, Kylo. I want an answer to my question. Yes or no.”

There was a long, long pause. Both Hux and Han were waiting for Kylo’s response. Nothing could happen until he answered.

Kylo closed his eyes. “_O… okay…_” He barely whispered, his voice almost nonexistent.

“I want an answer, not a whisper.” Hux pushed.

Kylo snapped his eyes open and shoved himself away from Han. The gun was still held loosely in one of his hands. “_Yes! Yeah! Yes, okay, is that what you want to hear, Hux? Yes, I’ll do it!_” He cried, voice manic and cracking with energy. His eyes were wild.

Hux disapproved of the tone, but given that this was quite a monumental request, he was willing to let it slide for the moment. They’d work on Kylo’s attitude later. He nodded. He’d always known the answer he was going to receive. “Good. Then do it.” He said simply.

Han’s jaw dropped open. “No,” he croaked hoarsely. He turned to Kylo with his hands held up. “No, Ben, don’t let him make you do this. You know you don’t want to!”

Kylo’s throat worked, and a few wavering sobs escaped from his mouth. He was crying again. He looked down at the gun in his hand like he’d just realized it was there, like he’d just remembered what it could be used for.

Hux didn’t move. He didn’t have to lay a single finger on Kylo to get him to do what he wanted. That was the beauty of what he’d accomplished here. “He’s trying to keep us apart, Kylo. He hates me, he wants to kill me. He will the second he’s given a chance. You don’t want that to happen, do you?”

Kylo shook his head miserably, tears streaking down his face. “_No_,” He moaned.

“Then kill him and you can come home with me. We’ve got a long way to go, and I’d like to get started.” Hux said.

“Ben, no, all he’s going to do is hurt you more. Save yourself, give me the gun. _Please_, Ben!” Han asked.

“Shut up.” Hux said, not even bothering to look at Han. He only had eyes for Kylo.

“Can’t I just come with you?” Kylo asked brokenly. “I _want_ to come home with you, Hux. Please.”

Hux remained unmoved. “Sorry, baby, but I need to know you’re truly loyal to me. These people have been trying to manipulate you. I need to know you’re still mine.” He was unconsciously tapping into the same language Kylo had heard in his dream. _Show me you’re mine. You’ll never be done cutting off pieces of yourself for my sake_.

Kylo’s lips trembled even more. “Hux, _please_.” He begged, about all he could do. Everyone in the room knew that if Hux ordered it, Kylo would comply. The only way he could manage not to do it was if Hux called off the order.

Hux simply raised an eyebrow and waited for Kylo to do what he was told.

Han was done waiting for Kylo to come to his senses. As much as it hurt him, he knew it was a waste of time to try and reason with Kylo. He turned to Hux, fists and jaw clenched.

“Oh, you fucking son of a _bitch_!” He cried, leaping toward Hux with hands extended. He clipped Hux a good one, catching him by surprise. Han grabbed him by the shoulders, and they both fell to the ground in an untidy pile. Hux landed on his back, all the breath driven out of his lungs.

Han pulled back and punched Hux right in the face. “_How much damage can you do? When is enough enough for you?_” He screamed.

Hux simply wheezed out a breath and elbowed Han in the chest. It staggered him, but not enough to get him off. They grappled with each other. Hux was much younger and sprier, but he was weakened from his two weeks of captivity and his earlier fight. Han was physically weaker, but he was driven on by a protective fury Hux couldn’t match. It seemed the pair was evenly matched. Neither one would win unless somebody else stepped in.

Their furious fight was stopped in an instant by the percussive blast of the pistol. Both Han and Hux stopped fighting, panting hard. Han was frozen with one fist about to be brought down on Hux’s face. He gaped stupidly before looking down to see blood gushing up under his shirt. He blinked in mute surprise and toppled off of Hux. Hux pushed away from him and sat up, trying to get his breath back.

Kylo stood a few feet away, the gun still held in his hands, trembling nearly out of control. He stared down at Han with a look of such abject horror it was hard to watch. The gun fell forgotten to the floor.

Han groaned in pain, tried to crawl toward the wall, but couldn’t manage it. His reaching hand flopped on the ground, boneless. With a mighty force of will, he turned his head to look at his son, nearly hyperventilating. He struggled to speak.

“B-Ben… it’s… okay… It’s…” He coughed, blood stuck in his throat. He was fading fast. “Ben, I love – love you. Please… don’t forget that. _Please _don’t… Whatever he… does… Wherever he takes you… I love you. I love you. I love you.” The force of effort it took to get those words out took all the strength Han had left.

He reached out a weak hand toward his son, like he was trying to touch him, and then fell limp. His breath rattled out of his chest, and his eyes remained open but unseeing.

Kylo screamed. He didn’t just scream, he wailed, every ounce of fear and grief and pain contained in that wordless shriek. He collapsed to the ground and just kept screaming, his face contorted into a mask of mindless abandon. He didn’t look away from Han’s body the entire time. He wailed and cried until he had nothing left in him, until his mouth opened and closed like he would keep screaming if he only had the air.

Hux didn’t interrupt this, just stayed where he was on the floor, waiting until Kylo wore himself out. This was very delicate work, he knew that. If he moved too soon, this could all be undone in a moment. If he forced himself into Kylo’s moment of grief, even his bone-deep conditioning might backfire on him. He didn’t even think of moving until Kylo did, making an aborted movement toward his father like he wanted to see if he was still alive.

Hux got up, putting a careful hand on Kylo’s. “No, let me.” He said softly. He crawled over to Han’s still body, and put two fingers over his pulse to check. Their limited time was pressing down on him now, making him want to hurry. He had no doubt that Han did call 911 before opening the door. He wasn’t foolish, he had been trying to hold Hux off until the police arrived. Hux had to get them out of here before the first responders arrived.

“Is he dead?” Kylo asked, voice cracked nearly beyond repair. The barest thread of hope underlay his voice. Hux needed to pull that out at the root.

Hux felt Han’s pulse. It was thready, but still there. Kylo hadn’t shot to kill, like he knew underneath it all that he really didn’t want to do this. Han could easily bleed to death right here, but if the paramedics arrived soon enough, he could easily be saved. Hux wished he was able to finish him off right here, but then Kylo would see that.

Hux turned his face to Kylo, false concern filling it. “I’m sorry, Kylo. He’s dead.” He lied.

Kylo’s face was white and blank, like he couldn’t quite believe it. “Dad?” He asked, voice cracked and pleading, like he was begging for one last mercy.

Out of the corner of his eye, Hux saw Han twitch just a little bit, like at the end of himself, he was still trying to reassure his son. Hux quickly blocked Kylo’s line of sight with his body so he wouldn’t see.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, already thinking practically about the route he would ask Phasma to take to get out of there and which source they would need to stop at to get fake IDs for their trip overseas while Kylo was lost in guilt and grief.

Kylo’s face shuttered abruptly, and he shut down, eyes still open but unseeing. Hux watched in fascination as every ounce of hope drained out of his body in a moment. He retreated into himself, the force of emotion temporarily too strong for him to handle.

Hux stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling Kylo to his feet. Kylo followed with absolutely no resistance. He very clearly wasn’t all there.

“Come on, let’s go.” Hux said, pulling Kylo toward the door. Kylo stumbled after him, lost somewhere deep inside himself.

Hux pushed Kylo out the door and directed him to walk toward the car. He took one look back before he went. Han had turned his head to the door, and was struggling with every ounce in him to make a sound, to let Kylo know he wasn’t dead. All he could push out was a weak wheeze. Hux smiled at him before following to the car. His meaning was very clear, and he hoped Han was there enough to hear him. “Nice try. You’ll never see him again.” Hux said quietly, making sure Kylo couldn’t hear him.

Han’s slack face hardened, and he managed one last glare before Hux walked out the door.

Hux hustled out the door, the cold night air brisk and unforgiving. In the distance, he could hear sirens. They had to go and they had to go now.

Kylo was wandering aimlessly through the yard. Phasma’s car was just a few yards away, but he didn’t seem to see it. His uneven path was taking him toward the trees.

Hux grabbed his shoulders and steered him back to the car. Kylo moved like an unfeeling automaton.

They got in the backseat, Kylo immediately sliding down so his head was in Hux’s lap. He stared at nothing.

“Drive.” Hux snapped, looking behind them.

Phasma already had the car in drive, and pulled away, heading for a barely-there dirt path behind the cabin. She was just hoping it would lead out to the road. She wasn’t planning on getting caught by driving back the way they came.

"How’d it go?” Phasma asked, looking at Hux in the rearview mirror. “Well, I assume?”

Hux relaxed a tiny bit, looking down at his Kylo, finally back in his possession where he belonged. “_Very_ well. I’ll tell you about it later. Let’s just get going. We have a long way to go. I want to be out of the state before morning.”

Phasma shrugged and turned her eyes back to the road. “No arguments here.”

Hux left the navigation and careful driving to Phasma, returning his attention to his prize. He rubbed Kylo’s shoulders, feeling that familiar shiver go through his body. Hux felt tight satisfaction settle in his chest. This could not have gone any more in his favor. If anything, this little interlude with Kylo’s family was a good thing. After this, there would be no lingering hope in Kylo that they would come for him someday. He had surrendered himself up to Hux for good now, and he knew it.

Hux leaned down and pressed a hot kiss to the back of Kylo’s neck. Kylo let out an unsteady breath. Hux thought this was just an unconscious reaction to stimuli. He probably wasn’t aware enough to know what he was doing.

Hux rubbed Kylo’s tight shoulders and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “How could they ever forgive you now, Kylo? How could they love you after this?”

Kylo didn’t say anything, too lost in grief to respond, but Hux chose to believe that somewhere deep down, Kylo heard him and agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no..... Well, if this is what you wanted, you're welcome?
> 
> If this isn't what you wanted.... just stick with it. There's still 2 chapters left. I can promise you this is going somewhere. Kylo has some decisions to make, and things won't always go according to Hux's plan.


	35. Chapter 35

They went to Ireland. The three of them spent a few days in an empty house while they waited for Hux’s guy to come through with the forged passports. They had to spend the entire time inside since none of the three of them were inconspicuous enough to go out for food. Phasma was six three, Hux was fairly infamous, and Kylo just looked like he’d been run over by a truck. So they stayed in, and they waited.

The house wasn’t empty when they got there. Phasma and Hux’s stash of safe houses were pretty well depleted or blown, and going to a motel was too dangerous. They had no choice but to commandeer a piece of property for their own.

Phasma took charge of dispatching the married couple they found in the house when they got there. They were taken down quickly and quietly. Phasma was busy rolling their bodies up into plastic to dispose of them when their school-age daughter came home, bouncing into the room and screaming when she saw her parents’ bodies. She turned for the door, but Hux was blocking the way. She careened around the room, mouth in a wide O, latching onto Kylo’s arms and shaking him, pleading for help. Kylo didn’t respond beyond a few aborted blinks. When she was torn away from him, she left red scratch marks on his forearms.

Kylo spent those few days curled up in the bathtub in the upstairs bathroom, unresponsive and blank. The most Hux could coax out of him was a few noncommittal, strangled noises when he came in and rubbed his shoulders. When Hux tried to take him to bed, filled with a burning need that had been stoked by their long absence, Kylo tottered to his feet and followed where he was dragged, blinking slowly and eyes a million miles away. Hux kissed him, desperate for him, wanting to cement their closeness again, but Kylo didn’t react in any way. He didn’t resist, of course, but he didn’t participate either. It was like trying to fuck something dead. Hux gave up for now.

Hux mostly left Kylo alone for those days, not having the time to spend on coaxing him back. He had too much to organize with Phasma and with his passport guy that Kylo fell by the wayside. He was easier to handle this way, anyway.

Eventually, passage was booked and a private flight was arranged. They left the house in the middle of the night, Hux tightly holding onto Kylo’s upper arm and steering him to the panel truck Hux’s guy was driving. It took them seven hours to be driven across three state lines, eventually pulling up to a rinky-dink, regional airport where they had a plane waiting.

Kylo had to be physically walked up the flight of steps and buckled into the seat. His flat, exhausted gaze stared in front of him with no indication that he knew where he was. He hadn’t spoken a word since that night.

Hux and Phasma settled in for the long flight overseas. They taxied into the air, and Hux watched the ground drop away from him with a rush of excitement. Their life had just gotten too complicated as of late. He was looking forward to a break, to what felt like a brand new start. He looked over at the unresponsive Kylo with fondness. He couldn’t wait for their new life together. All the hard work was done; all that was left was setting up their new house.

Hux intertwined his fingers with Kylo’s and smiled at him. Kylo came out of his daze the smallest bit. He looked over at Hux with an expression that surprised him. For the barest moment, he looked clear-headed for one of the few times Hux had ever seen him. Hux was used to all the different expressions Kylo had: the tight, worried way he drew his brows together when he was trying to suss out Hux’s mood, the wide-eyed, cautious stance he had when he knew he was in trouble, even the shy, tentative smile he would trot out when he’d made Hux happy. Hux had catalogued them all, knew how to pull each one out of him whenever he wanted. The way Kylo was looking at him now was completely foreign to him. He looked at him like, for this one moment, he knew exactly what Hux had done to him. For the first time, Hux didn’t know how to interpret this mood.

After a long flight, they set down on the Irish coast, and Hux left the plane with their passports to deal with immigration and everything else. He was gone for nearly an hour, and by the time he came back, Phasma had unpacked their luggage, including Kylo, and had everything lined up on the tarmac.

Kylo seemed to have come out of his daze a little bit upon standing outside. It was a windy, overcast day, and the salty smell of the sea not too far away fascinated him. He wandered a few feet away, careful not to go too far, and stared out at the broad expanse of ocean. The wide, empty field of gray made him feel even smaller than he already was, exposed and scrubbed raw.

Everything squared away, car acquired, Hux drove them beyond the chain-link fence of the small airport, passing through a squalid, depressed-looking town on the coast and inland, where the grey hills began to rise up around them. Phasma sat up front, and asked quite a few questions of Hux about the locals and the area. The two of them seemed to have an endless array of topics to discuss with each other, a river of words that never ran out.

Kylo curled up in the backseat, covered with Hux’s jacket that Hux had tucked him in with before they set out. Kylo didn’t have the energy to even look out the window. He’d never been out of the country before, and he supposed it should be more exciting than it was. He doubted he was going to be given the opportunity to explore much anyway.

He stared down at his feet. He was still wearing the threadbare sneakers his father had given him before they fled the house. Hux hadn’t commented on the fact that he was wearing them, so Kylo kept them. He stared at the ragged shoelaces and the worn-smooth soles. He traced the eyelets with his fingers, replaying the breathy, wheezing sound Han had made when he’d shot him, over and over and over again. Beyond doing enough to please Hux, it was the only thought in his head, and had been for the near week since he’d killed his father.

Kylo felt very far away from the thought, of the memory of Han lying bleeding out and still, body cooling on the dusty floor of a cabin, surrounded not by the woman he loved or his dearest friend, but by a man who hated him and a son who’d betrayed him. Kylo thought the idea should bother him more, that he should be crying and wailing in grief. He just felt so tired. He thought he might have gotten all his crying out, for good. He felt like an old, threadbare piece of fabric that had been wrung dry of every ounce of moisture. He was wrung-out, done.

The knowledge that he’d killed his own father was a hard, flinty stone that lay in his stomach. It was filling, and heavy, and permanent. Yet, curiously, he couldn’t connect with his own guilt about what he’d done. Hux had ordered him to do it, and he’d done it. There didn’t seem much else to say. It was simple, inescapable. He knew now that he could never be forgiven, that he’d given himself over body and soul to Hux. That was that.

After a long drive, Hux pulled into the drive of a nice, ivy-covered house on the outskirts of a medium-sized town. There were neighbors, but very high walls between them. There were people in sight, but it was a quiet, private neighborhood. It had started to rain, a light, never-ending drizzle.

“I’ve owned the place for years, but I never really expected to come back here. I’ve always been much more at home in the States. I imagine it could do with a dusting. Or six.” Hux commented as he turned the car off.

“Hmm. Cute,” was Phasma’s only comment as she got out of the car, stretching her long legs and taking a stroll around the house to check it out.

Hux twisted around in his seat to look at Kylo, who was still lying down, head pillowed in his arms.

“Do you want to see the place?” Hux asked with a warm smile. “I’m looking forward to showing you the house. Call me sentimental, but… this feels like a brand-new start.”

Kylo blinked at him. It took all his effort in order to rouse himself enough to respond to Hux. He sat up, looked out the window to the house through the drizzle. It looked like a house to him. Positive or negative associations were too much for him to handle right now. He wondered absently if Hux had already set up a room full of things whose sole purpose was to hurt him or if that would come later.

Speaking still seemed to be something just a little bit beyond him, so he nodded at the sight. Hux got out of the car, came around, and opened his door, steering Kylo out of the car with a firm grip around his elbow. Kylo blinked lazily and looked around them. A woman with a leaky umbrella walked swiftly down the sidewalk with her bedraggled dog dragging her along. Hux waved at her. The woman didn’t appear to have seen him.

Kylo expected Hux to lead him up the steps, but instead he steered him around the side of the house along a well-worn stone path. Kylo shrugged Hux’s jacket on and hugged his arms around himself. It was cold out here, and he kind of just wanted to go inside.

Hux took Kylo’s hand and pulled him to the spacious backyard. They crossed the damp grass, and Hux opened a gate in the back. They kept walking for another ten minutes up a steady, tree-covered incline until they emerged at the top of a hill. The slick grass led up to a steep drop-off that looked over the town. Hux led Kylo up to the edge and looked out over it. He was smiling, taking in the view. Kylo supposed it was picturesque, if he thought about it. He thought that Hux wanted him to admire the uneven houses stretching down the hill, the old, cobblestone sidewalks and church steeple in the background. Kylo trained his eyes in that direction obediently, but he was thinking about whether or not the drop from the overlook to the rocks below would be enough to kill him. He thought probably not, it wasn’t far enough. He might just break a leg, that was all.

After an appropriate amount of silence, Hux turned to Kylo and took his hands. He was smiling again, seemed so much happier, so much more at home than he had before. Kylo wondered if it was because they were finally together again, or whether he was happy to be back in his birth country.

“Do you like it?” Hux asked.

Kylo nodded listlessly. He thought it was a little gray and depressing, but he supposed that was just because of the weather.

“This is where I grew up. Here, I mean. In this town. In that house.” Hux said.

Kylo blinked out of his daze just a little bit. “Oh,” He said simply, voice croaky from disuse. This wasn’t what he would have expected from Hux’s birthplace. Not that he really thought about it very much, but if he had to imagine Hux growing up, he would have thought it was in the middle of a city, surrounded by concrete and hard lines and urban decay. Not this picture-book town.

Hux seemed to sense his surprise, and looked pleased that he was speaking again. “I hated this place, growing up. At least I thought I did. Now that I’m older I think what I really hated was my father. If not for him, I think I would have loved it. I might never have left.”

Kylo was a little taken aback by the turn in conversation. Hux rarely talked about his childhood or his past. He was always so focused on the present. He had a hard time imagining Hux any younger than he was now, any less sure or steadfast.

“I have fond memories of this hill. I fell in love here. Or at least I thought it was love, but I suppose all teenagers do. We went to school together, but my father wouldn’t approve, he didn’t approve of anything I did, really, so we used to meet here.” Hux paused, looked down at the grass where he’d presumably sat for hours with this boy. “We talked about leaving together, after school, moving to the States, starting something. I had plans even then. He didn’t intend on keeping his word, though, which I found out one night when we met here and he told me he was leaving me. I wasn’t going to let that stand. People don’t leave me. So I pushed him over the edge. It was a foolish, short-sighted thing to do, but luckily, he broke his neck. People chalked it up to an accident. I learned to be more careful after that.”

Hux’s voice was impassive, matter of fact as he detailed the years-old murder he’d committed. If he had ever felt a stronger emotion about this event, he didn’t show it now. Kylo wondered about all the things he wasn’t saying, all the things between the lines. He wondered about this unnamed boy Hux had killed when he was barely more than a child himself. If Hux was anything like he was now, the boy should have known it was a very dangerous thing indeed to break Hux’s heart, which meant he was incredibly naïve or incredibly desperate. He wondered about what Hux had done to him to push him to those extremes, to the secret cruelties Hux could have inflicted on him under sight of the whole town. If he knew anything about Hux, he at least knew he could be creative.

Hux was looking at him expectantly, waiting for some sort of a response. Something about the story bothered Kylo. He tried to put a finger on it. “Do… Do you still love him?” He paused, frowning. The thought that he was some sort of a replacement for a years-dead boy he didn’t know bothered him.

Hux shook his head. “No, no. I thought I loved him back then, but you know how everything is when you’re young. It’s all so… heightened. I don’t think we would have lasted. Besides, you’re nothing like him. He was a shy, bookish type. To tell you the truth, he was a bit weak-willed. You’re so much more than him.”

Hux smoothed Kylo’s hair back from his face and ran a thumb across his cheeks. “I didn’t bring you here to compare you to someone else. I just wanted to let you know what this place means to me.”

Kylo blinked. This was clearly important to Hux. He was opening up to him, showing him something he’d never shown anyone else. He had to show the proper gratitude. He tried to summon up the feeling, but it was so hard to work against the apathy that was weighing him down like a yoke around the neck. He gave Hux a watery smile. “It’s pretty here.” He said, not meaning it. It was cold and drizzly and he wanted to be anywhere else.

Hux let him go, dug into his pocket for something. “I wanted to bring you up here before we went inside, because I want to give you something. Kind of a symbol of our new life together.”

Kylo stood with his hands at his sides, waiting for Hux to pull out his new collar, which he both dreaded but mostly missed. He felt too cut adrift without it.

But when Hux’s hand emerged from his pocket, he was holding out a ring on his palm. It was simple, silver, unadorned. “I’d like you to wear this.”

The sight of the ring was temporarily enough to shock Kylo out of his dazed state. He stared at the ring and then back at Hux. “Is that…”

Hux smiled at him, looking windswept and romantic. He was already easing the ring onto Kylo’s finger. He didn’t wait for a response. “I thought it was appropriate. New beginnings, and all that.”

Kylo stared at it. He felt strange explosions in his chest, but wasn’t sure what to do with that. He was almost disappointed that it wasn’t a collar, but this gesture felt monumental. “I didn’t get you anything.” He said stupidly. This wasn’t the right thing to say, but he couldn’t think of anything appropriate.

Hux rubbed a thumb over Kylo’s chapped knuckles. They were so close together on the hill it felt like one or the other was going to fall off. “That’s alright. I’ll get myself one when I’ve got time. I suppose it’s traditional for me to get on one knee, but…”

“But I’m usually the one who does that.” Kylo finished his sentence for him. Hux laughed. A kind of relaxation unfurled in Kylo’s chest at the sound.

Hux kissed him, and after a long, long moment, Kylo kissed him back. The wind howled at their backs, like it was trying to push them off.

* * *

They didn’t waste any time moving in. Phasma stayed for a few days to get the house up and running, but eventually struck out on her own. They had a lot of work to do around the house. The furniture had all been covered in dust covers, but they had to do laundry, make the beds, clean the dishes, dust the place, and the various, sundry tasks that needed to be done to get a house up and running. Hux had Kylo do most of this, and he did without complaint or comment.

Hux noticed a change in Kylo these days. He was as obedient and submissive as ever, but much more closed off emotionally. He never once disobeyed a direct order, but he emerged from his brief sojourn quiet, serious. Hux caught him looking at him at unguarded moments, and had no idea what he was thinking.

Hux found himself in an unprecedented situation. He was on the lookout for the slightest whiff of disobedience, the smallest hint of attitude that would give him an excuse to punish Kylo, but Kylo didn’t give him any. He was quiet, attentive. He never spoke out of turn, he followed every order to the letter, never strayed from the bounds of the new house. He never left bed before Hux, always had the place clean and dinner done when Hux wanted it. In short, he was perfect. Logically, Hux couldn’t find a single fault with him, but something about him still felt… unsatisfying.

One day, Hux got sick of waiting. He watched out the window as Kylo went out to the street to get the mail. Two kids rode by on their bikes and screeched to a halt next to him. Hux could see them asking something, their voices bright and echoing in the street outside. Kylo shut the mailbox, muttered something quick to them, and started back to the house.

Hux waited until he came in, shutting the door behind him. He took the mail out of his hands and dropped it on the front table.

“What did I tell you about talking to other people?” Hux asked, voice low and dangerous.

Kylo merely looked confused for a moment. “What? You mean those kids?”

“I didn’t think I was terribly unclear on the rules in that area.” Hux said.

Kylo went pale and frowned. “I didn’t, I – They just asked me if I knew-”

Hux interrupted him. “It doesn’t matter what they asked you. You shouldn’t be talking to people without my say so.”

Kylo stared at him for a long moment. He blinked rapidly, and his cheeks were pale, but he didn’t immediately fold like he normally did. He looked, incredibly, as if he was about to argue. “If I hadn’t said anything to them, it would have looked suspicious. I just mumbled something so they’ll go away. They’ll forget all about me in ten minutes. They wouldn’t have if I’d ignored them.”

Hux was unsettled to realize that Kylo was right. He wasn’t about to admit that, however. “It’s about the principle of the thing, Kylo. Get upstairs so I can deal with you.”

They both knew how this was going to go. Kylo would shrink, slink up the stairs, beg for forgiveness. Hux wouldn’t give him any, but might give him a few more scars.

This time, Kylo wasn’t following the script. He didn’t move. He stayed where he was. The corners of his mouth had turned down just the slightest amount. “Just admit it.”

Hux was taken aback by his challenging tone. “Admit what, exactly?”

Kylo hadn’t moved, hadn’t made any aggressive action at all, but the fact that he was still standing there after being ordered upstairs was more than enough reason for discipline. “Admit that you just want to hurt me. You don’t have to – to come up with these excuses to do it. You’ve never beaten around the bush before. I don’t know why you would start now.”

Well, now Hux was definitely pissed. “Kylo, I don’t think I like your tone.” He said, his own tone, dangerous, warning.

Kylo flattened his affect. All challenge bled out of his voice from long practice. “If you want to hurt me, hurt me. You don’t need to try and trick me into it. It’s not like I can stop you.”

With that flat pronouncement, Kylo turned around and walked up the stairs like he was bid. When Hux joined him, he’d taken his clothes off and was kneeling on the floor of the bedroom, hands clasped behind his back, the very picture of submissiveness. The scars on his back stood out in the low light.

Hux ran his fingers over the back of Kylo’s neck, eliciting a shiver but nothing else. Hux held a whip in his hand, but for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t sure he wanted to use it.

“Do you know why you’re here?” He asked Kylo.

Kylo answered promptly like he’d been studying his lines for weeks. “I spoke to somebody else without permission. I argued with you. I didn’t go upstairs when you told me to.” His voice was flat, exhausted, but Hux couldn’t hear any of the usual dread in it.

Hux tipped his chin up. Kylo met his eyes, not trying to get away or wrench his chin away. He’d been taught too effectively. What Hux was having trouble with was that he was getting every inch of submission that he could want, but Kylo wasn’t exhibiting any of his usual wide-eyed, trembling urge to please. He waited, resigned, for Hux to do what he wanted, but his eyes were dry, his mouth pressed into a thin, bitter line. Hux didn’t like it.

“Good. And do you know what I’m going to do about it?” Hux asked him.

An unnamable emotion flickered in Kylo’s eyes. Hux was shocked to discover that it might be irritation. “Whatever you want.” Kylo answered colorlessly.

Hux held his chin for another long moment. He was unsettled; for once, didn’t know how to handle this strange, bitter Kylo. “That’s right.” He said, still holding on while he thought. After a time, he put the whip aside.

“Get up.” He ordered.

Kylo, surprised, did as he was bid. He frowned a little. He flicked his eyes over to the whip that had been set aside on the dresser. He rubbed his thumb along a longer scar that spread from the crook of his elbow down to the base of his palm. “You’re not going to hurt me?” He asked, not relieved, just cautious.

“Not that way. I’ve changed my mind. You don’t seem to be taking this very seriously.” Hux said, walking over to the small chest where he kept certain supplies. Finally, the expected apprehension flickered in Kylo’s eyes.

“I acted out, you’re going to punish me. I know that. I don’t know how I could be taking it more seriously. What do you expect me to do, bolt for the door? Beg you on my hands and knees not to hurt me? You don’t like it when I do those kinds of things.” Kylo said, bitter.

Hux stood up, holding a blindfold and a length of rope. “See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t know where you got the idea that it’s okay to talk back like this, but it needs to stop. Right now.”

“I’m not talking back, I’m simply stating the facts.” Kylo said. “I really, I don’t – I don’t know what you want from me, Hux. You want me to admit my wrongdoing. I do. You want me to cooperate. I’m cooperating. What is it I’m not doing? Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

Hux was amazed to realized that Kylo was angry. At _him_. This was so completely out of the realm of what he thought was possible. He didn’t know what to do about it.

“I want you to feel the proper amount of remorse. Hands.” Hux demanded.

Kylo held out his wrists obediently and didn’t resist when Hux began looping the rope and building anchoring knots around them. When Hux was done, his hands were tied together in front of him with about a foot of loose rope hanging off. Kylo looked down at his hands almost dispassionately and flexed his wrists carefully, feeling out how strong the knots were.

He had a slight frown on his face, but no more. He didn’t look afraid, or angry, or particularly tearful. Just mildly curious. He didn’t know where this was going, but knew if he waited long enough, he’d find out.

Hux walked behind him and slid the blindfold down over his eyes. Only then did he get the reaction he was looking for. Kylo stiffened and sucked in a quick breath. Isolation and sensory deprivation were two of the tools that worked the best on him. Hux had found that out long ago. He led Kylo to the center of the room. Kylo followed along as meek as anything, moving where he was bid.

There was a hook in the ceiling, and Hux used it to string Kylo up, tying the rope tight so Kylo was balancing on the balls of his feet, enough to be uncomfortable in the short run and seriously painful in the long run. He had a choice between straining his shoulders and wrists or his calves and ankles. Kylo wobbled a little, while he tried to find his balance.

Hux left for a moment and came back carrying the leash. He hadn’t had occasion to use it since he’d gotten Kylo back, but he still had it. He stepped up in front of Kylo, and admired the stiff lines of his body, the self-serious frown above the blindfold, the thin lips as he waited for Hux to do what he was going to do. Hux leaned in and ran his hands down Kylo’s arms gently, squeezing once and then releasing. He found himself consumed by _want_ for Kylo in front of him. This didn’t make any sense. He had Kylo. He’d always have him, but he still wanted him closer still.

He pressed his lips gently to Kylo’s. Kylo shivered and parted his lips to let Hux in. Their hot breath mingled together. “You’re so perfect when you’re like this.” Hux breathed. “Hold this for me.”

He squeezed Kylo’s chin with one hand to open his jaw and placed the folded-over leash into Kylo’s mouth, tapping his chin to urge him to bite down on it. Kylo did. The two ends hung out of either end of his mouth. Again, this was an easy thing to do, but something that would become much harder after hours of clenching your jaw shut. The weight of the leather would become more unbearable with time.

Kylo whined gently when Hux put noise-canceling headphones over his ears, tapping him once on the nose to urge him to hold his position. Hux stepped back to admire his work. Kylo stood there, stretched out from fingers to toes, barely trembling from his position, deaf and blind until Hux chose to release him.

Hux left the room to get some work done. When he came back a few hours later, Kylo was visibly shaking. Hux watched him for a few minutes. Kylo was drenched in sweat. He’d slump in his ties, fingers grasping at the air in a vain attempt to get some release. After a moment, he’d straighten up again, but then his legs would shake so much it was a miracle he was still standing. The leash was still in his mouth, but he’d slipped partway and the heavy buckle was hanging halfway down his chest. He had his teeth clamped around the rest of it in a death grip, determined not to lose any more of it than he already had.

When Hux finally released him, easing the leash out of his mouth and taking the headphones off first, then unhooking him from the ceiling and easing him down to the ground, Kylo was overtaken by full-body shaking, a feverish need to get closer to Hux, although he didn’t cry and he didn’t say anything to beg forgiveness. He knew he was already forgiven.

Hux massaged his shoulders, helping him ride out the leftover endorphins. He was just thrilled to have his sweet, pliable Kylo back. He didn’t know where he had gone in the first place.

After that, Kylo did seem to at least somewhat go back to normal, although in quiet moments, Hux could still sense a certain space between them that he didn’t know what to do with. Kylo was perfectly amenable, did everything he was asked, and then some, never complained, and yet. There was something there.

Hux decided to do something he’d never done before. He was going to let Kylo out of the house unsupervised. When he told Kylo what he was planning, genuine surprise crossed Kylo’s face, a welcome change from the apathetic, slightly bitter expression of the past few weeks.

“Where am I supposed to go?” Kylo asked quietly, apprehension about the very concept obvious in his tone, like he couldn’t fathom the need to go anywhere at all.

“I’m too busy to go grocery shopping, and it seems to me like there’s no reason why you couldn’t go yourself.” Hux said, like this was a treat he was giving Kylo. In his mind, it was.

Kylo blinked in confusion. “But… I’m not supposed to leave the house.”

“That was before I could trust you. I can trust you now, yes?” Hux said, taking one of Kylo’s hands.

“Yeah…” Kylo said, still sounding doubtful as to the purpose of this operation, like there was a trick he wasn’t seeing.

“I thought it would be nice for you. Get some fresh air. You can feel useful.” Hux said, convincing himself as he talked.

Kylo shrugged. “Okay. Whatever you want.”

Hux sent Kylo out the next day with a small amount of cash (not enough to buy a bus ticket or do much of anything but buy groceries) and his coat. Kylo didn’t have his own. Kylo looked grim and tense, as if he were venturing out on a month-long journey instead of a quick trip to the store. Hux instructed him to keep his sleeves rolled down so that nobody would question his scars. The only other thing visible was the nose ring, which could be passed off as a fashion statement. He was told to use the self-service kiosk so that he didn’t need to talk to anyone. If somebody approached him, he was to say enough to be friendly and then leave as soon as possible. He had no more than an hour. If he was gone for longer than that, Hux would come looking, and he wouldn’t be happy.

Kylo listened to the litany of rules very carefully, and gave Hux one last doubtful look before leaving the house, hurrying down the walk like he was being chased. He returned with the requested groceries in under forty minutes, closing the door behind him like he never wanted to leave again.

Hux asked him how it went, and Kylo reported back everything that had happened, no matter how mundane. After being asked if he had enjoyed the trip, Kylo paused like he had never considered the question before that. He shrugged.

After that, Hux no longer did any of the shopping. He left that to Kylo, parceling out appropriate, small amounts of cash when needed. It was never enough to go anywhere, and Kylo was hampered by his lack of papers and complete ignorance of the country and its customs. Not that Kylo would have gone anywhere even if he could.

Hux was unsettled to find that Kylo’s strange mood didn’t go away. He was closed off and strange to him. Hux didn’t like it.

One rainy day, Hux was working on his laptop on the couch. Kylo was put in charge of the music. He got up every half hour or so to flip the record, setting the volume accordingly, and settling back with his head leaning against Hux’s legs.

On one of these turns, Kylo set a record to play, a slow instrumental score. He stood for a long time staring down at the record spin, lost in thought. Hux glanced up at him a few times, but he wasn’t doing anything wrong, so he didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes, Kylo wandered back over to Hux, but instead of settling at his feet again, he stood and made eye contact with Hux. Hux glanced up at him in distraction.

Kylo was barefoot, dressed in one of Hux’s old, oversized sweaters and pants that cut off at the shins. Hux always dressed like he was going out, even on his off days, but he liked to see Kylo dressed so haphazardly, like he’d always just gotten out of bed. He found it appealing. Kylo was looking at him with that new, intent look on his face, brow furrowed and lips thin. He was swaying back and forth to the music.

“Dance with me,” he asked, voice soft like he knew Hux liked.

Hux raised an eyebrow, one eye still trained on the laptop where he was drafting an email. “Excuse me?”

“_Dance_ with me,” Kylo repeated, reaching down and taking one of Hux’s hands.

Hux huffed a short laugh. “I don’t dance.”

Kylo cocked his hip and pouted a little. “Come on, Hux… _Please_?”

Hux was rapidly losing any interest he had in his work. Kylo knew exactly how to behave to get him interested. He closed his laptop and set it aside, but didn’t stand up yet. He twisted his hand so he had a firm grip on Kylo’s wrist.

“Why the sudden interest?” He asked, squeezing to get a reaction.

Kylo didn’t try to pull away, but kept swaying slowly. He shrugged. “I don’t know… It’s Valentine’s Day. Dancing… that’s what couples do.”

Hux blinked and thought about it. He hadn’t realized. “So it is. Alright. I’ll humor you.”

He stood up, pressing his body flush against Kylo’s. Kylo smiled tightly and loosened against him, allowing Hux to set the pace and direction of their dance. Hux wrapped one arm around Kylo’s waist and pulled him closer. They began to sway slowly around the room, the heat of their bodies mingling together. Hux had to admit that this was nice. The rain tapped pleasantly against the window and the quiet music played.

Kylo sighed and lay his head on Hux’s shoulders. They danced through another few songs. Hux was beginning to think about how when the record ended, he could get Kylo upstairs to the bedroom and they could inaugurate the day properly. He had a few ideas, and some new tools he wanted to try out.

Kylo spoke and broke him out of his reverie. “Are you going to kill me?”

Hux stiffened and stopped moving, but Kylo didn’t lift his head. He spoke again before Hux had a chance to respond. “I don’t mean anytime soon, but in ten, fifteen years, maybe?”

Hux searched for words. “_No_. Why would I go through everything I did, just to… No. Why would you think that?”

Kylo was silent for so long, Hux thought he wasn’t going to answer. They were still swaying slowly about the room. It was easier to have this conversation when they weren’t looking at each other.

“I just… I think about… this… forever… Am I really going to be with you when we’re fifty? Sixty? I really thought I would be dead by now. It’s just… so much time. Doesn’t that just make you _exhausted_?” Kylo’s voice was quiet and almost nonexistent.

Hux quite honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead. His was a volatile business, and he couldn’t guarantee that he would still be alive in five years, let alone next week. He gripped Kylo’s shoulders and pulled him back to face him.

“You shouldn’t be worrying about that kind of thing right now. Let’s just take all of this a day at a time, okay? Let me worry about things like that.” Hux said firmly, tightening his grip just enough.

Kylo stared at him from tired eyes. He nodded, leaning his head back on Hux’s shoulder so they could keep dancing.

Hux found himself holding Kylo close. He kissed him at the nook of his neck and shoulder. Kylo shivered.

* * *

Things didn’t really come to a head for a while, until the night of a dinner party Hux decided to throw. It was small, only a few attendees, all folks he wanted to start business with, Phasma included.

For the very first time, Hux had Kylo dress up. After months and months of cast-off clothes and sweatpants, it felt strange to be wearing nice slacks and a button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows. Somehow, Hux knew Kylo’s exact measurements. As Kylo got dressed, fingers fumbling over the unfamiliar zippers and buttons, he reflected that this probably wasn’t such a big surprise. Hux seemed to know everything else, so the width and breadth of his body wasn’t such a huge thing after all.

Kylo didn’t want to have this dinner. Recently, he’d become very jealous of Hux’s time. Kylo’s entire life revolved around Hux; for God’s sake, he’d even made him kill his own… His mind skittered away from that as fast as it had arrived. If he started thinking about that night, he might fall into a dark pit he might not be able to climb out of so easily.

Everything Kylo did was centered around Hux, and he’d started to feel a little, not _irritated_, never irritated, never annoyed, but… definitely not-good about the time Hux spent away from him, the people he talked to instead of him. He didn’t quite understand what other people could offer Hux that he couldn’t.

But he would play along, he would be pleasant, and amenable, and silent, because that’s what he was these days.

The evening started off fine. Besides Phasma, two men and a woman Kylo had never seen before came. Kylo felt a little apprehensive, getting flashbacks to Jack and Snoke. He liked Phasma, but besides her, he had a bad track record with the people Hux chose to do business with.

Phasma arrived first, breezing through the door in a flurry of evening air. She smiled when she saw Kylo as if he were a friend or something. She ruffled his hair and chuffed him under the chin. “Looking good, kid.”

Kylo looked down at himself and shrugged. It felt dishonest that Hux had him dressed up like he was an equal member of this dinner. He didn’t get a jacket, but his hair was brushed back, he was wearing a starched white shirt and stiff slacks. The only thing that felt right was the sleeves rolled up to show his scars, the shirt collar low enough to show his permanently mangled throat, the bull ring in his nose.

“Thank you, ma’am.” He answered dutifully. Privately, he thought it would be much more honest if Hux had trussed him up naked and on display for the guests. He didn’t want that to happen, but something about the sham of him acting like a normal person had him on edge.

Hux never had use for pretense with Kylo. He was what he was, and he was always up front about that. Kylo knew exactly what he was to Hux. If he wanted Kylo to pretend he was some kind of partner instead of belonging wholly to Hux, he would do that, but it didn’t feel right. He wished he had his collar back. It was honest. It reminded him what he was.

“There any booze in the house?” Phasma asked, looking off to the open-space room Kylo had set up so carefully.

Kylo led the way, pouring her a glass of bourbon. Hux didn’t want him drinking, so he remained sober.

Hux made his way downstairs and greeted the other guests as they arrived. Kylo stood off to the side, hands clasped behind his back, pouring drinks when needed, but otherwise staying out of the way. He tugged uncomfortably at the tight fit of his shirt.

After an endless hour of chatter, the woman, Celine, a tall, precise French woman with cascades of blond hair, turned to Kylo with an air of curiosity. “And Brendan, you haven’t introduced us to this charming creature over there.”

Brendan was the name Hux was going by. It wasn’t as if they could keep their names. Too conspicuous. Hux was Brendan (_‘After my father’_, Hux confided in Kylo one night when they were lying in bed) and Kylo was Aiden. Kylo didn’t need to worry about the aliases too much, as he hardly ever left the house, but it was good to know them.

Kylo turned his silent gaze on Celine, thinking that she had the second part of that right at least.

Hux turned to face Kylo. He was pleasantly flushed from a few glasses of wine, and perfectly at ease with hosting the party. “Oh, Aiden? When I returned to Ireland from the US, he came with me.”

“Is that where you were wed?” Celine asked, indicating the matching rings on Kylo and Hux’s fingers. Hux had gotten his a few weeks after their arrival.

“Before we left.” Hux answered with a smile.

Kylo wished he had a drink in his hand. He considered briefly taking one anyway, and bearing the punishment later. Hux wouldn’t say anything about it in front of these people.

“He’s a quiet one, yes?” She said, smiling with a lilt to her voice. She was over the line of tipsy and into buzzed.

Kylo displayed a pained, closed-mouth smile. He walked over to Hux at his beckoning. Hux wrapped one arm around his shoulders. Hux was relaxed while Kylo was a brittle line.

“How did you two meet?” She asked curiously.

_He had his men kidnap me, then threw me into his trunk, drove me out to his isolated house, and locked me in a cage in his basement for months._ Kylo bit down on his lips to keep those words from flying out of his mouth.

Hux rubbed a thumb over Kylo’s knuckles. “Aiden worked for a rival of mine. I saw another use for him.”

“_Oh?_” Celina asked, eyebrow quirked. She was maybe a little too curious, expecting a response from Kylo.

With his free hand, Hux nudged him to speak. It was suspicious how quiet he was.

“He was hard to resist.” Kylo said flatly, just a note of sardonic double-meaning poking through.

“And was it difficult to drop your entire life to come here with your, ah, your beau?” Celine asked, taking another sip of wine.

Hux answered for him. “Well, his family didn’t approve.”

Kylo couldn’t help snorting, and hurriedly changed it into a cough. Hux gave him a sharp look, and Kylo smoothed his face out into indifference again. He didn’t know where this dangerous humor was coming from all of a sudden, but he knew he needed to get a hold of it right away before it got him in trouble.

Celine smiled again, seemingly satisfied. “I’m sure. I don’t mean to poke and prod, but I have just one more, ah, curiosity, that I hope you can satisfy, yes?”

Kylo was aware of the bright dislike he felt for this woman. She poked her nose where it wasn’t wanted, and the thought of Hux spending days with her, long meetings and telephone conversations, had him nursing just a small kernel of jealousy. If he was Hux’s, didn’t that also mean that Hux should be his?

Hux didn’t seem to notice any of this. He smiled indulgently. “Ask away, my dear.”

Kylo’s eye twitched.

“I must confess I find myself wondering about your scars, Aiden. They are a bit… em… extensive, yes?”

She reached out one manicured finger to run it down his forearm. Kylo didn’t move; despite his jealousy, he would never think of denying another person if they wanted to touch him. Hux minded, apparently, because he tightened his grip around Kylo and drew him closer. Kylo was immensely gratified at the motion.

“They’re old. Aiden had a motorcycle and isn’t one to listen to all the rules of the road.” Hux lied easily.

Kylo bit his tongue, wanting to refute him. It bothered him quite a bit to hear Hux lying, and how easy it was for him to do. Why should he lie? Hux gave them to him and that was that.

Celine smirked knowingly. “Oh, Brendon, there is no need to be coy. I know all about the games lovers play.”

Kylo huffed a bitter laugh. “You have no idea.”

This time, Hux definitely tugged painfully on the hairs at the back of Kylo’s head in warning.

Celine turned her attention on Hux, running a hand over his arm in passing. This time it was Kylo’s turn to want to pull Hux back, although he knew better than to try. “Forgive an old girl for asking, but would you be willing to, perhaps, let another into your bed some night? Love has the tendency of fading if one doesn’t do something to spice it up now and again.”

Kylo had a brief vision of putting his thumbs through her eyes.

Hux smiled noncommittally and gently removed Celine’s hand from his arm. “A tempting offer, Celine, but maybe some other time. It’s been a long night.”

She didn’t look the least put out. She kept smiling. “Of course, not tonight, but I’ll hold you to that promise, Brendan. I don’t forget such things.”

Hux opened his mouth to respond, but Kylo jumped in before he got the chance. His pulse was thudding hot behind his ears.

“He said he wasn’t interested. Take a hint.” Kylo snapped, voice a little raspy.

Celine blinked in surprise, the sly smile she had sliding off her face. “_Excuse_ me?”

Hux’s fingers tightened on his elbow so hard it hurt. “K – _Aiden_! Please excuse him, he gets a little worked up sometimes. Aiden, I think the appetizers could use a bit of a refresh. Why don’t you take care of that. Now.”

Hux was staring daggers at him, eyes flinty, lips thin. It was a stare that promised swift, painful retribution once they were alone in the house.

Kylo dragged his eyes away from Celine and dropped his eyes to the ground. “Yeah,” He croaked, stalking away to the kitchen, eager to get away from the oppressive weight of that room. He saw Phasma glance over at him from the other side of the room where she was talking shop with the other two men who had been invited.

Once he was out of sight of everyone, Kylo’s limp came back in full force. He had to hold onto walls and bannisters to make it the rest of the way to the kitchen. Once he got there, he paced back and forth, huffing in frustration. He had a ballooning frenzy of energy in his chest. It was difficult to keep quiet as he let out a growl of frustration. He slammed the pantry door closed on his hand, barking in choked pain as the pain lanced from his nerve signals directly up to his brain. He fell back to the floor holding his hand to his chest and pressing his mouth against his arm to muffle his uneven breathing. He squeezed his eyes closed and rocked back and forth until the pain went down to a manageable level.

He looked at his hand. The skin was broken in several places and there were bruises that would mottle his skin tomorrow already forming, but he hadn’t broken any bones.

Kylo heaved out a breath, but his frustration hadn’t abated at all, like it usually did after he’d been hurt. He couldn’t stop thinking about Hux in the other room with that Celine, with all those people that he could leave and see whenever he wanted, with people he might spend time with talking about books or music or even traffic. Normal things. Time he wouldn’t be spending with Kylo. Kylo wasn’t the kind of person that could do that for him anymore, but why should Hux even _want_ that? He’d taken everything from Kylo, he’d broken him apart and reformed him into a shape that best pleased him, so why should he want something that he hadn’t made Kylo for? Anything Hux wanted Kylo should be able to provide. He ground his teeth, couldn’t stand the thought of those people in the other room. He loathed them with a bright spark that eclipsed everything else. None of them knew what true sacrifice was, like he did. None of them knew how Hux ticked, how he liked his coffee in the morning, how he liked his eggs cooked, how he would shiver full-body if Kylo bit his earlobe in bed. None of them _deserved_ Hux’s attention. None of them had done anything to earn it.

He clambered back to his feet, pressing an ear to the door to listen in on the party. Somebody was laughing, and it didn’t sound like the party was at all close to winding down.

Kylo ground his teeth together and walked over to the drying rack, picking up a paring knife with his good hand. He slinked down the hallway quietly, past the partygoers to the front door. He paused with one hand on the knob, holding his breath carefully to see if anyone was coming anywhere close. He didn’t hear anything, so he eased the door open and slipped outside.

The cool night air hit him like a brick wall. Immediately, he was swamped by a rocketing heartbeat and a cold sweat. Going outside was dangerous, it was _wrong_, but in this moment, it was also necessary. What he had to do would only take a moment, and he wasn’t going far.

By the time the party was winding down half an hour later, he was safely back in the kitchen icing his bruising hand, paring knife put away in the drawer. He heard the group of people gathering in the entryway, chatting while they put on shoes and coats. Kylo wandered into the hallway, but stayed well back, not daring to open his mouth. Hux noticed him walk in, and gave him an icy look that Kylo didn’t need much imagination to decode.

Celine was the last out the door. Hux was having a short conversation with Phasma when a shrill shout pierced the night air. “Oh, dirty bastards! My _car_!”

Hux and Phasma hurried out the door. Kylo followed, not daring to step outside while Hux was looking, but hovered in the doorway so he could look.

Celine’s nice green sports car was absolutely wrecked. The tires had been slashed, and the paint job had been scored through with dozens of long scrapes. The windshield wipers had been torn off and tossed aside on the driveway.

Celine was staring agape at her trashed car, her eyes practically bugging out in fury. She stalked a circle around the car, as if it would get better on the other side. She was so mad she actually stamped one foot on the ground, like she was a kid throwing a tantrum.

Phasma whistled. “Holy hell. What happened?”

“I know _exactly_ what happened! It was _kids_! These gangs of kids who don’t have anything better to do but wreck the things of those they know are better than them! They know to come into these neighborhoods and take what pleases them, and then they are _gone_!” Celine spat. Even in the height of her impotent fury, she seemed very silly, ineffectual. Watching her, it was eminently clear to Kylo that this was a woman who had never experienced real suffering.

He couldn’t help the almost-crazed smile that crossed his face watching her anger. He was unused to smiling, and it felt very strange, like he was being taken over by a dangerous emotion he had forgotten about. He had to physically clap a hand over his mouth to stifle the barking laugh that wanted to escape his throat. He bit down on his cheeks as hard as he could to wipe the dangerous smile off his face.

Hux walked closer to look at the damage. “I cannot apologize enough, Celine, this is just awful.”

Celine waved a hand like a rich woman waving away a waiter. “Oh, what are you apologizing for, Brendan? You had nothing to do with it. I am just, oh, just _furious_!”

A thought seemed to cross Hux’s mind, because he turned back to look at Kylo, standing in the doorway. Luckily, he had managed to banish the awful smile from his face, but he was sure Hux could see right through his mask of solemnity. Hux studied him for a moment, and then gave him a dark look before turning back to his guests. That look blew away any latent humor Kylo felt about the situation. He was really playing with fire here, and he needed to get a hold of himself before he lost it.

The guests had a quick but furious discussion. A tow truck was called, alternate rides were arranged, apologies were made, and eventually the wrecked car was taken away, the guests including Phasma drove away, and the house was quiet again. Hux never looked at Kylo after the first time, but Kylo knew beyond a doubt that despite what everyone else thought, he wasn’t at all fooled by the fiction about the kids.

While the rest of them were waiting for the tow truck to arrive, Kylo drifted back inside and began to tidy up after the party. He knew that he would probably be in too much pain later on to even attempt it, so he might as well get it all done to start with.

After he’d cleaned everything up, he retired to the bedroom upstairs, sure that Hux would need a few moments to collect himself and decide what he was going to do with his errant Kylo.

Kylo sat on the bed and waited. He could hear the door being closed downstairs, and Hux walking around down there. It was almost half an hour before he came upstairs. Kylo himself felt fairly blank. He supposed he should be more afraid of what Hux was going to do to him, but there was no point in worrying about the inevitable.

At long last, Hux mounted the stairs and came into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. His hands were empty. He gave Kylo an inscrutable look. Kylo met his gaze squarely, waiting for whatever order might come next.

Hux leaned against the door, arms crossed, and studied Kylo for a very long time. “Well? No begging?” He said finally, voice icy.

“Would it help?” Kylo shot back. His lack of panicky dread over his coming punishment was a novelty that he didn’t have the time to analyze.

Hux surprised Kylo. He didn’t stride forward and grab his hair like he’d been expecting. He stayed where he was. “I know you know that what you did tonight, that what you said, is inexcusable, so I’m not going to waste my breath on berating you. What I do need to know, however, is why you did it. Why, all of a sudden, did you decide to act so foolishly?”

Kylo dropped his eyes to the ground submissively, but when his voice emerged, it was clear. “I didn’t like her. I thought that was obvious. She was nosy and stuck up and deserved to be taken down a peg.”

Hux still didn’t move, but Kylo could hear the fury in his tone. “Well, I disagree. She’s smart and is an excellent connection to the gem market in France and Germany. Regardless, I invited her. That was not your decision to make.”

Kylo clenched his fists where they were on his knees. He took a deep breath and swallowed down bile before he spoke. This seemed important. For once, he felt like he had to speak his mind, to explain himself. “I… I see things you don’t, Hux. When people look at me… all they see is your, your thing. They see me and disregard me just as quick. I’m an amusement to them, nothing else.”

He glanced up at Hux nervously to judge how well he was taking this. Hux was stony-faced, but he didn’t interrupt Kylo. He looked at him steadily, allowing him to go on. Kylo dropped his eyes again and continued. His heart was beating out of his chest. “Celine dressed very well, which means she probably comes from money. Family money. People like that don’t trust newcomers. In her eyes, you’re just a… a curiosity from the States, nothing more. Certainly not a real player. As far as she knows, you haven’t proven yourself. If she… if she had the temerity to make a pass at someone who belongs to you, that means she doesn’t really respect you. Which means she could easily betray you when the opportunity presents itself.”

He finished talking, his mouth dry. He felt like he’d been talking for years. There was a heavy silence. He dared another glance up. Hux was looking at him differently now. The anger was still there, but foremost on his face now was surprise, whether it be because Kylo had made all these observations or because he was daring to speak them aloud. He raised an eyebrow for him to continue.

Kylo swallowed dry. He was still very nervous, but Hux wasn’t shutting him down immediately like he’d feared. “I… I notice things like that, Hux. People, they want to impress you. They want to put on a good show for you, but… they don’t even _see_ me. They think I’m just your, your pet, they think I’m not paying attention, but I _am_. I… I knew Jack was bad, I knew S... Sn…” He trailed off here. He still hadn’t forgotten Hux’s admonition from the bunker to never speak Snoke’s name again. More than that, the memory of the man still sent cold fear down his spine. “I kn-knew they were bad for you, and I… I know that you want me to be good, b-but I love you, and when I see stuff like that, I c-can’t just let you get hurt, even if you won’t l-listen to me…”

Kylo trailed off into silence, feeling incapable of continuing to talk. Hux’s continued silence was pressing down on his ears, and he was beginning to get really nervous. His manic glee at Celine’s irritation had by now completely departed.

“That’s very observant of you, Kylo.” Hux said at long last, tone thoughtful.

Kylo chanced a glance up, faint hope ballooning in his chest. Maybe Hux would believe him, maybe he wouldn’t hurt him after all.

Hux was still looking at him like he was seeing an entirely new side to Kylo, that he was still trying to process this shift. “I think you may have a point, and I’ll take that into consideration, but the way you reacted to her was completely unacceptable. This isn’t just about you, Kylo. You made me look bad in the process. I really, I expected more from you.”

Kylo frowned. “If I’d said something, you would have ignored me and sent me into another room like a misbehaving dog. Like you _did_.”

Hux’s brief, thoughtful face hardened again. “And that’s another, broader issue we have yet to discuss. I can’t say I’m a fan of this new attitude of yours.”

Kylo knew he should bite his tongue, but he couldn’t help himself. “Oh, what more could I give you?”

Hux took one step away from the wall, which sent residual, automatic panic come flooding into Kylo’s body. “See, this is what I’m talking about. You’ve been like this for weeks. Argumentative, closed-off, bitter. I don’t like it, Kylo.”

It took everything Kylo had to keep going when every cell in his body was telling him to curl up and surrender. “Closed off?” He said, frowning.

Hux waved a hand at him. “Yes! Like right now. You _know_ you’re in trouble, but instead of apologizing to me, you’re arguing. I don’t know when you started to think that was acceptable, but I’m afraid you’re going to be sorely disenchanted of that notion.”

Kylo’s heartbeat ratcheted up again at the threat, but there was something in him that wouldn’t let him let this go. Not this time. He stood up. “I’m not arguing that I did something wrong. I know I did. I know you’re going to, hurt me for it. I’m not trying to run or fight or get away from it. I don’t know… I don’t know what more you could want from me, Hux?”

“I want you to act like you’re taking this just a little bit seriously!” Hux snapped.

Kylo blinked. Something about this statement struck him as darkly funny. He couldn’t be taking this more seriously. Ever since Hux had plucked him out of his old life and dropped him into the middle of his web, Kylo had had no other choice _but_ to take this deadly seriously.

He stared at Hux in disbelief, and laughed humorlessly. “You think I’m not? Hux, you’ve… you’ve taken everything I have. This is all that’s left. I have nothing more to give you. I can only be afraid for so long.”

Something that flashed in Hux’s face gave Kylo a sudden insight. The dark, horrible, broken smile spread across his face. “Oh. That’s it. You want me to be afraid. You’re not angry that I’m not taking this seriously. You’re angry that I’m not crying and begging at your feet. Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not something I can just… manufacture. You taught me a lot of things, Hux. That includes how to take a beating.”

Anger rose in Hux’s face. He strode forward and grabbed a fistful of Kylo’s hair, wrenching his head back and baring his neck. “That’s enough of _that_.” He spat. “You don’t talk to me like that, Kylo. You’ll give me what I ask for. That’s how this works.”

Kylo winced at the grip in his hair, but didn’t resist the manhandling. He stared up at the ceiling in tired dismay. He’d been here so many times before, and here he was again. “You can tell me to do anything, and I’ll do it. I’ve proven that, haven’t I?” He said flatly, turning his head just enough to meet Hux’s eyes. This was the closest they’d gotten to mentioning Han’s death. It was a deep, dark pit in Kylo’s chest that he couldn’t bring himself to explore, and he was curiously grateful that Hux hadn’t said anything about it.

“Then give me what I want.” Hux snarled, shoving him backwards towards the bed. Kylo hit the footboard with the small of his back before toppling onto the comforter. He bit back a cry and stared at the ceiling. Knowing what was expected of him, he fumbled his fingers at the buttons of his shirt, removing that and then his pants until he was naked on the bed. He scooted back to give Hux some room. He stared at Hux blankly.

Hux shed his clothes just as fast, advancing on Kylo and climbing above him on the bed. He put hands on either side of Kylo’s head, looming over him. For once, Hux was the one that seemed desperate, while Kylo was stone-faced. Whatever was going to happen would happen.

Hux lunged down and kissed Kylo, firmly. It was less of a sexual thing more than a desperate need to connect. Kylo opened his mouth pliantly and let Hux take what he wanted, as usual, but didn’t give anything back. This only made Hux try harder.

Hux broke away, panting while he stared down at Kylo. “You’ll have to work pretty hard at it to get back in my good graces. I’m giving you a chance here. Don’t blow it.”

Kylo looked up at him with dark eyes that held just a trace of resentment. He reached down with one hand, wrapped it around the base of Hux’s cock, and tugged, pulling a shuddering breath from Hux. Hux hardened in Kylo’s grip. “Better.” Hux gasped.

He eased Kylo’s legs apart, preparing him with his fingers. Kylo pushed up on the bed with his heels, and his eyes brightened, waiting for Hux to start somewhat impatiently. Unlike normal, he just wanted to get right down to it tonight. There was a hot, tight feeling in his chest that he wanted Hux to do something about. Hux was very good at breaking him apart when he needed to be.

Hux was easing down onto him when he noticed Kylo’s swollen, bruised hand. It was lying on the mattress. Kylo had it angled away from his body so it wouldn’t get in the way. Hux had been so focused on the proceedings that he hadn’t even noticed until now.

“What did you do to your _hand_?” Hux growled a little. Kylo’s little habit of self-mutilation always showed its face at the most inconvenient moments. He preferred when he was the only one that hurt Kylo, both because he was able to keep an eye on and minimize any lasting damage he didn’t want, and because hurting Kylo would have the maximum impact.

“I slammed it in the pantry door.” Kylo said impatiently, casting it a passing glance and trying to pull Hux on top of him with his other hand. It didn’t matter right now. All he wanted was Hux inside of him, blowing away all other thought. His mind was racing far too fast tonight.

Hux pulled off just a little bit, frowning. “I need to take a look at that. It looks like it could use some ice. I hope it doesn’t need stitches, I’m out of thread.”

Kylo huffed. “It doesn’t matter.” He pleaded. “Forget it. You can deal with it later.”

Hux was shaking his head and moving to get off of Kylo. “No, we need to deal with this now.”

Kylo was hit with a sudden flash of feeling. He didn’t want Hux to go. He needed him, in the basest sense, and he needed him now. He grabbed Hux’s wrist with his good hand, hooked one leg around Hux’s waist, and flipped their positions so Hux was flat on his back on the bed and Kylo was kneeling above him, one fist pressing his wrist above his head.

Hux blinked up at him in surprise. His other hand was free, he could have easily flipped their positions without a second thought. Kylo waited with bated breath for the barked order to get off, for the pain that would follow.

Hux didn’t do anything. His pupils were a little dilated, and his breath was coming a little heavier, in interest. He seemed to have forgotten all about Kylo’s hand. “Kylo… What are you doing?” He said slowly, in a low, dangerous voice. _You’d better tread carefully here_.

Kylo panted in nerves. His heart was going a thousand beats a minute. He felt flushed and hot. “Fuck me,” He said breathlessly.

Hux grinned, cheeks flushed. “You’re going to have to do some of the work there, baby.”

The frustration from earlier in the evening came back. Kylo frowned. “Shut up.” He said, leaning down to kiss Hux and ensure that he would.

Hux leaned up to kiss him, holding the back of Kylo’s neck with one firm hand so he couldn’t pull away. Kylo bit Hux, hard. Hux shuddered, and hooked his ankles into the backs of Kylo’s thighs so he couldn’t get away.

They drew away from each other, and Hux’s clear amusement sent a flaming anger through Kylo. He leaned down to kiss Hux’s neck this time, sucking and biting marks into his throat. He scratched red lines down Hux’s chest, pulling away just in time to see Hux arch his head back into the mattress. “_Fuck_,” he panted.

Kylo paused for a moment, the heat of frustration and sex and hatred on him. This was uncharted territory. He didn’t know what he was doing. This felt like something he shouldn’t be doing, but Hux wasn’t discouraging him, rather the complete opposite. He just couldn’t stop thinking of Celine’s sly smile and her hand on Hux’s arm. He wanted Hux to admit that this road went two ways.

Hux was hard already, and Kylo lowered himself onto Hux slowly, both of them gasping in breaths and cursing softly. Once he was fully seated, Kylo started moving, grinding down until he got a reaction.

He held Hux’s hands above his head, and Hux, miraculously, let him. Hux was staring up at him in surprise, but he wasn’t stopping him.

“Is this what you wanted?” Kylo panted. “Am I taking this seriously enough?”

Hux grinned, grabbing him by the small of the back and pulling him in even closer. Kylo’s mind lit up with fire. There was a hot pounding behind his ears that made it hard to think.

Hux tugged hard on Kylo’s navel piercing, pulling a surprised grunt out of Kylo. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how good you look in bed. You’re so-”

Kylo did something nearly unthinkable. In the fever of his anger and frustration, all he wanted was for Hux to stop _talking_, for just one second. He wanted just a single moment of quiet. He clapped a hand over Hux’s mouth, bidding him to just _stop_.

Hux’s free hand shot up to his wrist in a bruising grip. Kylo waited for him to be thrown to the floor, to be punished for daring to take this initiative. It didn’t happen. Hux’s eyes darkened, looked at him challengingly. _Watch your step_ was the obvious subtext.

Despite the automatic fear that rushed through Kylo at the thought, he kept going. “This is – what you made of me, Hux, so if you don’t like it, you’ll have to teach me something new. But you can’t be mad at me for doing what you taught me to do.”

They were both panting at this point. Hux scratched his back viciously. Kylo let out a strangled shout and fell forward onto his elbows. His hand fell away from Hux’s mouth, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he kissed the brand over Kylo’s heart.

“Is this what you wanted?” Kylo asked again, desperate and, against all odds, _angry_.

Hux didn’t answer, but he did come, which was probably answer enough. Kylo pulled off of him, shaking with adrenaline and endorphins. He rolled over on the bed, staring at the wall. Now that it was over, he couldn’t believe he had taken that kind of initiative. The fog of anger fell away, and a cool terror descended upon him. If Hux was going to punish him for this, it would happen now.

Nothing happened. Hux rolled over, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing the back of his neck.

Neither of them could bring themselves to say anything. Hux fell asleep fairly quickly, basking in the afterglow of satisfying sex, but Kylo stayed awake for hours, his mind running in dizzying circles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An EXTRA long one for you folks. I don't know about you, but I had fun with this one :)
> 
> Next chapter's the conclusion! Just a heads-up that it might be a teeeensy bit later than usual, but I'm sure you'd all rather have a good finale than a rushed one. Thanks for reading!


	36. Chapter 36

This new Kylo didn’t go away. His bitter attitude stayed, but for the very first time, Hux was unsure of what he could do to remedy it. He thought if he tried to punish Kylo like he normally did, Kylo might react unpredictably.

Their sex was different, more _intense_. If anything, Kylo was more of a participant. Before all this, Kylo usually just lay back and let Hux do whatever he wanted. He seemed a little reticent, like he was going along with it because it was what Hux wanted, but he’d rather be doing almost anything else.

Not anymore. Kylo was almost aggressive in bed. He would initiate more often, pressing Hux against a wall when he’d come home without any prompting. He would follow Hux into the shower, or get on top of him in bed and bite hard, once or twice drawing blood. It wasn’t more loving. He seemed almost feral in his attitude. He never talked much. Hux did all the talking for both of them. Sex seemed to be one of the only places where he could indulge his anger, the only way Hux would tolerate.

Outside of bed, Kylo seemed to talk even less. He seemed more jealous of Hux’s time outside the house, a little more unfriendly toward Hux’s mention of other people.

Once, Hux mentioned he was going to be home late for the third time that week. Kylo frowned when he left the house, but didn’t say anything. When Hux came back home, black smoke was billowing out of the stove. Hux had to run for the fire extinguisher and rush to turn off the smoke detector before the police were called. After all that, he stalked into the living room, angry and panting. Kylo waited for him on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest. When Hux met his eyes, he wanted fear, apologies, cowering. Instead, Kylo met his eyes, and a small light glinted in his expression that could almost have been amusement.

That amusement faded very quickly after Hux had him sit in a bathtub of freezing water until his lips turned blue and he was on the very verge of real hypothermia. Kylo grit his chattering teeth and rode out the painful, full-body shakes. Hux sat comfortably next to the tub, making sure Kylo didn’t try to get out, which, to his credit, he didn’t. He watched Kylo carefully, and the panicky uncertainty that he liked so much came back in full force. Kylo stumbled over his words, trying everything he could to get Hux to forgive him before the end. Hux didn’t let him out until he was on the verge of life-threatening injury.

After warming him up, Kylo earned himself two weeks of heavy restraints, like it was the first few months of his captivity. Hux trussed him up tight to sleep, and he was gagged all day except when it was necessary to eat and brush his teeth. By the time Hux let him loose, Kylo was much more subdued. He seemed to have lost the dangerous spirit that had gotten him into trouble in the first place.

To Hux’s chagrin, Kylo bounced back much quicker than he expected. He didn’t disobey Hux again or cause any more trouble, but the bitterness returned. Hux didn’t know how to get rid of it. None of his old tricks were working anymore.

There came a time when Hux had to go to Berlin for a week to meet with Celine and a few other contacts he’d made. He was finally making headway in making a name for himself, and it required a face-to-face meeting.

In his current state, Hux was loath to leave Kylo alone in the house for so long. His current attitude was too volatile for that, and more than that, Hux would miss him too much. He had Kylo close up the house and loaded him into the car early one morning. Kylo stood in the driveway while Hux locked up the house, looking uncomfortable wearing shoes and a jacket. He kept running his fingers over the red marks on his throat. He had worn the collar so long it had left a permanent mark that probably wouldn’t disappear for a long time, if ever. Hux considered him with a small amount of regret. The way things were, he simply couldn’t afford to have Kylo collared like he wanted. It would draw too much unnecessary attention, and he didn’t have the immunity he used to. One day when things settled down, he might be able to mark Kylo properly again.

He herded Kylo into the passenger seat, started the car and pulled off into the thick fog of early morning. Kylo curled up with his feet pulled up under him, leaning against the window. He wasn’t used to using furniture very much anymore, with the exception of the dinner table. Other than that, he usually sat at Hux’s feet. It felt strange to be sitting up front with Hux, like a person. He stared ahead with a deadened expression that matched the gray weather outside.

Hux kept looking over at him, wondering what he was thinking. Of course, he could just demand to know, and Kylo would answer promptly, but he thought there was something going on under the surface that Kylo wouldn’t be able to verbalize. For the first time, Hux thought that having him shoot his father might have been a mistake. He could have taken Kylo without it, he could have killed Han himself, but his ego had gotten in the way again. Hux wasn’t one to admit to wrongdoing, but in the privacy of his own thoughts, he could admit to a bit of uneasiness.

“I haven’t been to Berlin in _years_,” Hux said as he pulled onto the highway. “Last time I was there, punk was still big. I suppose we’ll see fewer studded bracelets and checkered pants now. God willing.”

Kylo turned to him with flat eyes, not reacting much to the closest Hux ever came to making a joke. “We’re going to Berlin?” He asked in a colorless voice. When Hux had told him they were going on a trip, he hadn’t asked where they were going. This was the first curiosity he’d shown.

Hux nodded, waiting to merge behind a petrol truck. “I have some work to do, but I don’t want to leave you. You’ll like it.”

Kylo’s tired eyes said it all that he wouldn’t dare voice aloud. _Doubt it_. He turned back to the window, not responding to any of the rest of Hux’s attempts at conversation.

When they arrived at the Dublin airport, Hux took a moment before they got out of the car to tap two fingers under Kylo’s chin so he was looking at him. “Be good,” He warned.

Kylo nodded tightly.

Hux left Kylo to carry the bags while they breezed through security, checked their luggage, and made their way to their boarding gate. Hux tucked their passports back into his pocket when he was done. Kylo hadn’t even held his own passport. He wondered if the photo looked anything like him. Hux did all the talking for both of them, laying on the superficial charm that he was so good at, the breezy pleasantries and shark’s smile that let people know _I’m made of money. Back off_. If they were smart, they heeded the animal instinct at the back of their mind that warned them to stay away from a predator. Most people were very good at sensing a sociopath subconsciously, even if they couldn’t put it into words.

Kylo clung to his side, both worried about being berated for straying too far and a little overwhelmed with the constant stream of people from all sides. It was always busy in an airport of this size, and the fast-walking executives, stressed-out parents with screaming children, and unruly groups of high school students going on a trip was enough to give him a stress headache. When Hux stopped at one of the display boards to check on the status of their flight, a burly biker shoved between them, making Kylo stumble and lose his balance. He flinched hard and sidled up closer to Hux. Hux drew him closer by a possessive hand around his shoulder, kissing the top of his head.

By the time they made it to their gate, Kylo was so high-strung he was twitching and jumping at almost every unexpected noise or brush of another person. His temples pounded. “H-Hux..” He mumbled through buzzing lips. “I – I don’t feel so good…”

Hux seemed to enjoy the effect the crowd was having on Kylo. He liked how clingy and dependent Kylo had gotten. “We’re almost there, Kylo. I’ve got you.”

An overburdened mother on the other end of the concourse dropped her infant’s stuffed dog. The baby started shrieking at the top of his lungs, the sound piercing Kylo’s eardrums. He froze in place, squeezing his eyes shut. His shoulders had come up around his ears. The overstimulation was pushing him over the edge into the verge of a panic attack. He was starting to lock up.

The baby’s screaming was like daggers in his ears. Yet another businessman in a hurry shoved past Kylo, pressing against the bruise Hux had left on his side the other night. Kylo swallowed down bile. “Hux, p-please, I’m going to… I can’t… Can we just stop for a second…?”

Hux squeezed his arm and kept walking him down the concourse. “We have a flight to catch. Come on.”

Kylo stumbled after Hux, but the world swung around him. Up became down, and his stomach lurched. He clutched Hux’s arm desperately. “I’m – I’m going to throw up, please, can I just sit down?”

Hux dug his fingers bruisingly into Kylo’s arm and didn’t slow his pace. “No.”

Kylo knew he couldn’t afford to plead any longer, and just tried to do his best. He walked forward even as the reality of the airport around him receded bit by bit. The only thing that felt solid was Hux’s tight grip around his upper arm. There was too much sound, too much movement, too many people. He’d spent so long in one place with only Hux for company. His survival instincts for intense cataloguing of people’s moods and unspoken demands was only serving to overwhelm him here. There was too much data. He could feel panic clawing at the inside of his ribcage. He could feel a scream building, and it took all of his concentration to hold that down. Hux wouldn’t like that at all.

“Hey. Hey, are you okay?” A far-away voice spoke to someone. There was something hovering in front of his face. Kylo blinked unresponsively a few times until the fuzzy shape resolved itself into a middle-aged woman with long brown hair. She was frowning at him. “Is he okay? He looks like he’s going to faint.”

“He’ll be alright. He’s just a bit… agoraphobic.” Hux’s icy voice answered. Kylo could feel Hux trying to tug him away. The woman side-stepped to block their way.

“I don’t mean to be nosy. I just thought I could help. My daughter has pretty bad anxiety, so I know how it is. Here, I’ve got some water in my bag. It’s such a simple thing, but it really makes a difference. It costs you a damn mortgage payment to buy a water bottle here.” The woman said, digging in her bag without waiting for an answer.

Kylo blinked a few more times until the world came into focus. The women had her backpack balanced on an overstuffed suitcase while she dug around. Hux still had a tight grip on his upper arm. He was frowning at the woman, clearly impatient at the interruption. “That won’t be necessary. I appreciate the gesture, but we’ll be fine.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all. Here, let me.” The woman said, pulling the water bottle out of her bag and turning back with a smile. Hux was aiming a look at her that would have Kylo shriveling up on the spot. He might have warned her if he could get his thoughts in anything resembling a logical order. He still felt flushed and twitchy.

For a moment, Kylo thought that Hux was really going to shove past the woman and drag Kylo along behind him. His grip tightened for a moment before he let go of Kylo. He gave her a tight, insincere smile. “Of course.”

Kylo swayed from the loss of contact. He might have fallen if soft, gentle hands hadn’t replaced Hux’s. “Come on, honey. Let’s sit you down for a moment. Take a few deep breaths for me. Fill those lungs.”

The woman steered him into a chair. Kylo’s knees gave out gratefully. He hadn’t even realized until she said something that he was breathing shallowly, on the verge of hyperventilating.

She guided his shaking hands to hold the water bottle. “Here, take a few sips of that. Promise you’ll feel better.”

Kylo nearly spilled half of it down his chin, but he managed a few lukewarm mouthfuls. Being stationary was doing wonders. The fuzzy, panicky feeling in his head started to recede a little bit. His shaking leveled out bit by bit.

“There you go, that’s it. You’re okay. Just focus on my voice.” The woman was crouching in front of him, kind face open and patient. Kylo breathed out shakily, downing the rest of the water.

Hux stood next to them, arms crossed and a frown on his face. He was obviously annoyed at the intrusion, had rather been enjoying Kylo’s panic and how pliable it made him, but he couldn’t very well rebuff this woman in public.

“I’ve done this hundreds of times. My daughter has panic attacks every now and again. I guess you can say I’ve become an expert at walking her through it.” She said to Kylo, smiling.

This made Kylo think of Leia, about how she probably would have done the same for him once upon a time before he’d killed her husband. He pressed his eyes shut. Guilt pressed down on him like a heavy blanket.

The woman looked over at Hux. “See, that’s all you really need to do is give him a moment to breathe. Marching full-tilt through a crowded airport will only make it worse.” The slight reproach in her voice was enough to make Kylo wince.

Anger passed over Hux’s face and then disappeared just as quick. He hadn’t gotten this far in life without being able to put up a front in polite society. “I’ll keep that in mind next time.” He said coolly. “We should really be going. We have a flight to catch. I’m sure you do too. I don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

The woman turned back to Kylo, eyebrows drawn down in slight concern. “You sure you don’t need anything else?” If Hux hadn’t been standing there, she might have said more. It was obvious she could sense there was something wrong.

Kylo met Hux’s eyes behind her back. Hux raised one eyebrow, giving him permission to speak.

Kylo shook his head, pushing his hair back. “No, thanks. We need to go.” He mumbled quickly, standing up and returning to Hux’s side. He pressed the water bottle back into the woman’s hands without meeting her eyes. She reminded him too much of Leia.

The woman was still frowning, opening her mouth to say something else, but Hux made his excuses, sweeping Kylo away and down the concourse again, not slowing their pace until they got to their gate ten minutes later. He had his fingers dug in so tight on Kylo’s wrist he was sure it was going to leave bruises.

Kylo kept aiming tentative glances at Hux, biting his lip. He wondered if Hux was angry with him for not behaving normally enough to avoid notice. While they were waiting in line to board the plane, he thought of the best way to apologize. Hux’s brow was cloudy, and he wanted to head off any possible reprimand he had coming. He had no doubt that Hux could come up with a way to make his life miserable even while they were in public.

Once they were seated on the plane, Kylo took Hux’s hand and pressed a supplicating kiss to his palm near the ring. “I’m sorry,” He mumbled.

Hux looked pleased that Kylo was beseeching him. “I expect better from you, Kylo.” He said, pulling his hand away and checking something on his phone.

Kylo felt a traitorous flicker of bitterness flash through him like sunlight through water. _You trained me to fall apart for you. You can’t ask me to turn it on and off like a switch._

He didn’t let himself say any of this. He leaned his head against Hux’s shoulder and closed his eyes. After a moment, Hux began to stroke his hair. This old cue that he was safe and forgiven instantly relaxed his entire body, and he found himself dozing off.

Landing in Berlin, going through customs, getting their bags, piling into a taxi, and driving to their hotel was a blur that Kylo didn’t feel capable of processing. He just allowed Hux to take charge of everything. The unfamiliar city blew past the window. In another life, this might have been exciting. As it was, he wished they were just home again. He’d begun to think of the new house as home, although he was lying if he said he didn’t miss Hux’s old house. That place had begun to feel so familiar and charted he wished they hadn’t had to leave it.

They barely made it in the door of the hotel room before Hux was pressing him against the wall and taking what he wanted. Kylo made sure to be extra accommodating, because he didn’t want to waste his good will. He was already on thin ice from the airport.

As they lay in bed afterwards, Kylo with his head resting on Hux’s stomach, Hux spoke up. “Now, Kylo, I want to talk to you before the meeting tonight. I have a few ground rules for you.”

Kylo blinked, but didn’t move. He had been under the impression that he was going to be staying in the hotel room the whole time while Hux left to do whatever it was he needed to do.

“This is an important night for me. I’ll be meeting several well-connected people. Making a good impression with them is crucial if I am to be successful out here. A good impression, once lost, is not easily recovered. Are you listening to me?” Hux’s fingers tightened in warning in the meat of his shoulder.

Kylo sat up to face Hux. “Yes, Hux.” He said seriously.

Hux watched him with his cold, flinty eyes. “Good. Because I need you to understand something. You are like an expensive watch or the cuff links I choose. My taste in you reflects back on me. If you decide to pull one of those cute tricks you’re so fond of, all they’ll see is that I can’t control the things I own.”

By now, being referred to as one of Hux’s possessions didn’t even register in Kylo’s mind. After all, it was true. “I understand. I’ll be good.” Kylo said solemnly. And he meant it. He wasn’t self-destructive enough to bait Hux when it was something this important. He could afford to push his buttons at home, but not here. He knew there would be serious consequences.

Hux herded him back against the headboard. He grabbed one of Kylo’s arms and twisted it behind his back, exerting a steady, painful pressure on his shoulder. Kylo winced but didn’t struggle. “Don’t misunderstand me. You’ve been testing the strength of your chain these past few weeks. It can be cute, so I’ve allowed it, within reason. But if you do anything to embarrass me like you did with Celine’s car, you will regret it. That goes for minor offenses too. I will consider a smart little comment a major infraction. You will be on your _best_ behavior. If you aren’t, I will blind you, permanently.”

Hux left his warning hanging in the air. Kylo flinched, fear rising like acid in his stomach. He had no doubt that Hux would follow through. He wasn’t one to pull a punch.

“You have lovely eyes. Don’t take them away from me.” Hux said. Even this threat somehow divorced Kylo’s own body from him. Ultimately, it was _Hux’s_ body, not his own. He tightened his hold on Kylo’s arm until he winced. “Am I clear?”

Kylo nodded, wide-eyed. “Crystal.”

“Good. You speak only when you’re spoken to. You do not leave my side for any reason. You will be sweet, and compliant, and good.” Hux said, steely.

Kylo nodded, not even thinking of disagreeing. After a long moment judging his sincerity, Hux let him go, seeming pleased.

After cleaning up, Hux sat him down in the bathroom and swapped out his silver nose ring for something a little flashier. This one was gold, drawing attention to itself. Hux dressed Kylo in form-fitting pants, nice shoes, and a navy-blue button-down that only drew attention to his mangled throat, the slightest hint of the brand over his heart.

While Hux fixed his hair, he noticed Kylo rubbing his neck absently. “Do you miss the collar?” He asked.

Kylo glanced over at him. “It would be more honest.” Kylo said quietly. He seemed uncomfortable with the nice clothes. He was still on display, but for a different audience, and he didn’t know how to take it.

Hux ran a thumb over the old mark from his collar. “Me too. I’ll get you another one when I can. Things are just too volatile right now.”

After they were ready, Hux had the concierge call a cab. They drove through the neon-lit, unfamiliar city. Kylo huddled into Hux’s side, a little nervous despite himself.

After a long drive, they were dropped off in front of what looked to be an old single-family brownstone converted into a high-class supper club. Hux steered Kylo up the stairs and knocked once. There was only the briefest pause before the door eased open. A pale, blonde woman covered in tattoos who was shorter than Hux stood there. At first glance, she wouldn’t be a good choice for security, but Kylo didn’t miss the toned muscle of her arms or the easy, open stance that spoke of a professional bruiser. He would guess she had no less than half a dozen weapons hidden on various spots on her person. She locked eyes with Hux and then scanned over Kylo just as quick, assessing them quickly and efficiently.

“Armitage Hux. Welcome,” She nodded once and stepped aside. They stepped in, mounting the steps up to the open second floor. The room almost looked like it used to be a ballroom, tastefully decorated. There were a dozen men and women mingling in the room, all well-dressed and self-contained. At a glance, Kylo appeared to be the only one who was here as an accessory. He pressed himself a little closer to Hux for protection.

An older man approached them, ruddy of face and with full black beard and belly that professed jollity and good cheer. He looked like a professor comfortable in his own tenure. Most people probably wouldn’t notice the cold glint of his eyes or the cruel lines at the corner of his mouth, but Kylo was not fooled by his false expansiveness. He’d had plenty of practice divining people’s true intentions. The man held out one meaty hand to shake. “Armitage Hux! I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s good to finally meet face to face. Albert Albrecht. I know, I know, but I promise you this, I’ve heard them all, and each one is less clever than the last.”

Hux took his hand and shook once, firmly. He smiled his icy smile. “Likewise. And I assure you, I don’t have much of a sense of humor, so you’re safe from me.”

Albrecht laughed like Hux had something especially funny. His eyes passed over Kylo in less than a second, like he was invisible. This told Kylo everything he needed to know about the man. “Well, let me introduce you.”

Kylo trailed behind Hux as he was introduced one by one to everyone in the room. There was a mix of men and women from a handful of different countries, but something they all shared was the same cruel glint behind their smiles, the same sadistic sheen he was so familiar with from Hux. Kylo wondered how many of these people had their own Kylo locked in their basements. He felt a chill run down his spine.

He was good to his word, staying silent and glued to Hux’s side. About half of the people in the room gave him an interested up-and-down when introduced to Hux, although none of them spoke to him or seemed to mistake him for some kind of an equal partner. It was clear from the possessive hand Hux had around his waist and the proprietary marks on him what he was. He was a prize and they all knew it.

At one point, a nervous-looking young woman walked up with a tray of drinks. She gave one to Hux and then offered one to Kylo with a shy smile, pressing it into his hand before he could refuse. Hux noticed, turning around and plucking the drink out of his hand and putting it back on the tray. “No,” He snapped.

Kylo ducked his head and looked at the floor. The girl jumped. “Sorry,” She squeaked before scurrying away. She aimed a sympathetic look at Kylo as she went.

A handful of other people joined the group over the next half hour. One of them was Celine, who sent a poisonous look Kylo’s way. Kylo averted his gaze. His little trick seemed a lot less amusing now and he hoped she wouldn’t come over here.

He was saved by the appearance of Phasma at the door. She made the same rounds that Hux did and then circled around to Hux. She ruffled Kylo’s hair and snagged two of the drinks off of the tray of the serving girl, dumping one into the other and then downing half of it. Her concession to the dress code was a white dress shirt and suspenders. Kylo couldn’t imagine her in a dress.

“Fucking hate things like this.” Phasma said to Hux, seemingly not caring who in the room was listening. “I’m all for a masturbatory circle jerk, but only if there’s someone around worth my while. No offense, Hux, but you’re just not my type. You’re too… ginger.”

Hux raised one eyebrow and lifted his drink to his lips, which was his version of laughing uproariously. “I’m offended, Phasma. I thought we had something special.”

Phasma laughed for him. “Now that bitch at the door, she looks worth the time to me. She was giving me the eyes.”

“I’m fairly positive that’s her job.” Hux said drily. “Besides, you’d likely crush her.”

Phasma grinned. “Hey, some people are into that. I’ve never received any complaints.”

Hux smirked.

Phasma turned to Kylo. He was relieved to be finally acknowledged. The people in this room made him very nervous, but it was still unpleasant being treated like he was invisible. “How’s it going, kid?”

Kylo flicked his eyes over to Hux, asking for permission. Hux nodded coolly, allowing him to speak. “I’m okay, ma’am. You look nice.” He figured it couldn’t hurt to butter her up a little bit.

She laughed condescendingly. “I don’t, but appreciate the sentiment. Gotta say, I’m surprised you’re being let out of the house after the trick you pulled. Thought you’d be in the doghouse, to be honest.”

Kylo’s eyes widened a little, and he looked over at Hux in a slight panic. He’d told her?

Hux didn’t move. “Kylo seems to think he’s a lot sneakier than he is. We had a discussion about why he won’t be doing it again.”

Kylo flushed at the reminder of his transgression and looked down at his feet. Thankfully, the conversation moved away from him.

Without changing his affect, Hux’s cold eyes swept the room. He spoke to Phasma without looking at her. “Do you have them all?”

Phasma drained her drink and took another one. “You got it. That Pinsch is really…”

Hux cut her off. “Not here. Let’s meet in the back room in half an hour.”

“You got it.” Phasma nodded, and departed for the other end of the room where she started to chat up the tattooed doorwoman. From the woman’s blank expression, it was impossible to gauge whether Phasma was making progress or not.

Hux took Kylo around for another round of conversation that he was not invited to participate in. He was relieved when the time came to go to the other room. Kylo wondered what they were doing. Hux pulled him into a private sitting room in the back that seemed to be for the express purpose of private conversations.

After a time, Phasma joined them, a self-satisfied look on her face. Kylo wondered if she’d made progress.

Hux snapped and pointed at a chair without looking away from Phasma. “Sit. Hands in your lap.”

Kylo sat. He hadn’t forgotten Hux’s threat from earlier.

“Alright, what do you have for me, Phasma? I’d like to get this done soon.” Hux asked.

Phasma opened something on her phone and showed it to Hux. They bent over the screen together as Phasma scrolled through. Kylo bit his lip and watched them, wondering what they were looking at. Hux’s eyes lit up.

“You are a miracle worker. I have no idea how you got all this.” He said, shaking his head.

Phasma shrugged. “You don’t keep me around because I’m pretty. You’d think these people would be better at keeping their secrets. To be honest, it was a little sloppy.”

Hux clapped her on the shoulder companionably. Kylo still found it strange watching Hux interact with other people, that he was able to treat others like equals, he just didn’t do it with Kylo. “This is perfect. So we’ve got an affair with one of Albrecht’s inner circle, embezzlement of his funds, and a police investigation into a sloppy murder. All of which he’s unaware of.”

Phasma nodded. “That’s right. Hope he has better instincts than the people he puts his trust in, or he might not be a good one to get in bed with.”

Hux was still scrolling through the phone. “He’s a stepping stone, nothing more. And some of these people would be good tools to have, easy to manipulate. One of them has to go, though. They’re my ticket in. Any feelings one way or the other?”

Phasma shrugged. “Not especially, boss. I’m a blunt weapon. You point, I shoot. That’s more your realm.”

Hux thought for a moment, and then handed Phasma her phone back. He turned to Kylo. “What do you think, Kylo?”

Kylo jumped a little and came to attention. He hadn’t expected to have to contribute to this conversation. “W-what?”

“Harold Pinsch, Juliette Andrau, Alexei Gordranos. Which of them is the least likely to bend to pressure?” Hux asked, assessing, hands in his pockets.

Kylo’s mouth opened a little. His heart had ratcheted up. He was unsure if this was some kind of a trick. Was he being reprimanded for something he hadn’t even realized he’d done? “Uh, I – I don’t, you, you would know better than me.” He stuttered, hoping this was the correct answer.

Hux raised one amused eyebrow, which let Kylo know this was not the answer he was looking for. “On the contrary. You’ve proven to be very observant. Surely you’ve formed an opinion of the people I’ve been talking to. Let’s hear it.”

Kylo flicked his eyes in a panic over to Phasma, hoping that she would interrupt and save him from answering. She was watching the exchange with her arms crossed, an amused smile across her face. Kylo _really_ didn’t want to answer the question. He was sure Hux had already formed an opinion of everyone in the room, and was just waiting for Kylo to say something wrong. “I… I don’t want to steer you wrong…”

Hux lost the amused look, which meant he was losing patience. “Kylo. I’m not asking you to make a decision. You aren’t capable of that. I’m making the decision. I want to know what you think. Speak.”

Kylo shut his brain off, just started talking, hoping that something he was saying would resonate with Hux. “Uh, um, okay, so…” He cast his thoughts back on the three people Hux had mentioned. Being ignored made it very easy to observe other people at will. “The, the woman, Andrau, she had old marks on her wrist. She, she probably gave them to herself, which might mean she’s susceptible to pressure, uh… Pinsch jumped and spilled his drink when someone came up to talk to him, but, um.. the other man, Gordranos, he was glaring at Albrecht behind his back, so he probably… probably doesn’t have a good working relationship with him…” He trailed off uncertainly.

Hux nodded. “So who would be your choice? One word answers, please. Rambling is unattractive.”

Kylo went with his gut. “Gordranos.”

Hux thought about it. “He is the one with the sloppy murder. More dangerous to Albrecht’s business than the others, for sure.” He thought aloud.

Kylo spoke up one more time. “Y-yeah, and Albrecht was wearing brand-new shoes and a new suit, which means he’s probably… pretty vain? Image would be important to him. He wouldn’t want anyone else jeopardizing his. He’d probably be pretty, pretty grateful to you if you uncovered that.”

Hux was watching him with a pleased smile on his face. “Good boy.” He praised. Kylo relaxed a little.

Hux turned to Phasma. “Isn’t he just a clever little thing?” He said, like Kylo was a particularly industrious pet that had learned a new trick. Even his praise was threaded through with condescension.

Phasma just laughed and shook her head. “So Gordranos then?”

Kylo tuned out while Hux and Phasma continued to discuss their plan. He had to battle two competing instincts. On the one hand, he felt touched that Hux apparently trusted him enough to ask for his opinion at all. On the other hand, he had to fight back the frustration that swamped him. That night with Celine, Kylo really thought he’d demonstrated to Hux that he could be useful to Hux in some way beyond his bed and his home. But now Hux pulled that out of him like it was a cheap party trick. It only served to make Kylo feel smaller. He tried to ignore the feeling. He was used to it. He told himself it didn’t matter if he was belittled, if the only thing Hux wanted him for was to be on display. As long as he was making Hux happy, it didn’t matter. But that curl of bitterness rose up in his chest. It had been happening more and more often since he’d gotten back, and it was getting harder and harder to tamp down. He knew it was starting to get him into trouble, but he didn’t know what to do to stop it.

He was pulled from his reverie by Hux pulling him to his feet. Hux kept one possessive hand snaked around his waist as the three of them rejoined the party. Albrecht was regaling the group with a loud story about a drunken escapade from his youth. The rest of the guests laughed in all the appropriate places, but Kylo could see the barely-hidden contempt in their eyes. Everyone in this room was looking for the next angle they could use.

Once Albrecht had finished the story, he clapped his hands together. “Well! Down to business, then. We have a new member in our midst.”

He held out a hand towards Hux, who nodded in acknowledgment.

Alexei Gordranos, a shorter man with dark hair and a baseball player’s physique, scowled. “I wouldn’t say he’s one of us just yet. We don’t really know who he is. When we were introduced to you, your name was Brendan. Now it’s Hux? You seem to have a different name every week.”

Hux didn’t flinch. “An alias. I’m sure you understand the necessity of secrecy. It’s a measure of trust that I tell you my name, a concession to all of you. I’d like you to know I’m serious.”

Gordranos wasn’t backing down. “I do, and I also understand when we’re being bulldozed by some nobody. I mean, what do we really know about you? What do you really have to offer us?”

Albrecht frowned at Gordranos, but not very hard. “This man is my guest. I would expect you to offer him a measure of respect.”

Celine spoke up. Whatever enmity she still held for Kylo, her and Hux seemed to have patched things up. “I can vouch for him. He was instrumental in helping rid me of a… persistent problem I had. Carlton Townsend is dead, thanks to this man here.”

There were a few impressed murmurs, so whoever that was must have been important.

Hux spoke then. “I may be new to your circle, but I am certainly not new to the business. Many of you already know my right hand, Phasma.”

Phasma surveyed the room with a tight smile. From the reaction of the rest of the guests, her reputation preceded her.

“Many of you know who I am. Who I was. First Order. Once, that was a name that carried a great deal of weight. I’m sure you’ve all heard of its, unfortunate, dissolution. Fortunes rise and fall, but I can place a great of the blame on my predecessor, Snoke. When his leadership was truly needed, he ran away with his tail between his legs, seriously curtailing what I was able to do. I killed him, and I plan on striking out on my own path. I don’t want his stain on my legacy any longer.” Hux calmly orated, selling himself as well as any soulless politician.

There was a silence. Most of the people in the crowd looked fairly amenable. Of course, it was Gordranos that spoke up again. “I heard Leia Organa almost single-handedly ran you into the ground back into the States. Why should we trust you into our business if you can’t even handle one old woman?”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “I think that comment speaks more to your short-sightedness than my competency, but yes, I foresaw this being a sticking point. Dear, why don’t you tell them who you are?”

Kylo’s heart all but froze in his chest as Hux turned to look at him coolly. Every eye in the room fell on him. Kylo stared back at Hux silently, pleading desperately with huge eyes not to make him do this.

Gordranos scoffed. “What, your boy there? I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

Hux didn’t look away from Kylo. “Tell them your name. The name your mother gave you.” _Not your real name, just the one I tore away from you_, his unspoken message was.

Kylo swallowed through a dry throat. He tried to look at the rest of the people, but couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. “I… I’m, uh… B-Ben O-O-Organa.” He squeaked, stumbling over his words. That wasn’t really his name, not anymore, and being forced to say it felt wrong. Felt like a trap.

There was another rush of surprised conversation. “What is your relation to Leia Organa?” Albrecht demanded of him, voice sharp.

Kylo’s mouth was clamped closed. He looked over to Hux in a panic. Hux pushed his chin back to face the man. “Answer his questions.” He ordered, voice iron.

Kylo couldn’t only raise his eyes as high as the man’s collarbone. “She’s… she’s my mom…” He said quietly.

Albrecht frowned, turning to Hux. “And you chose to bring the son of your enemy here? I’m going to be honest, Hux, that doesn’t show the best judgment on your part.”

“You misunderstand why he’s here. He isn’t really an Organa anymore. He’s mine now. I took Leia’s kin and turned him against her. I bring this up to all of you just so that you can understand something. Leia Organa was a formidable opponent, but ultimately I took what was most important to her. My talents lie less in the land of brute force. Strength can be found anywhere, bought for a price. A skill for finding pressure points, seeing how people tick, that’s more what I am bringing to the table.” Hux said, smiling his grim smile.

Gordranos was scowling, looking unconvinced. Albrecht took the bait. “Alright, color me interested. Where’s your proof? Talk is all well and good, but I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say I’m more interested in results.”

Hux nodded. “Of course. Kylo, why don’t you tell them what you did to your father?”

Kylo’s throat went dry. He stared back at Hux, eyes wide. His palms started to sweat. Up until now, Hux had done him the courtesy of not bringing up what he had done. Kylo thought it had been a kindness, that he knew this was one bridge too far, but he should have known that Hux was only saving it up for a time when it would hurt the most.

He hitched in a breath, seeing Han stumble and gasp, grasp his stomach in one hand as he fell to the floor. His father’s reaching hand, his fading strength as the life left his body. All of a sudden, Kylo was rocketed back to one of the worst moments he’d ever experienced.

Hux waited patiently, staring Kylo down until he answered the question.

“I…” Kylo started, throat closing up. He pressed one hand against his mouth. “I… uh…”

After a few moments of stuttering, it became clear that Kylo was unable to answer the question.

“You killed him, didn’t you?” Hux asked quietly. If someone didn’t know the context, his voice could almost be mistaken for kind.

After a moment, Kylo nodded shakily, looking at the floor and flushing with shame.

“Why?” Hux asked.

“Because you told me to.” Kylo whispered, defeated.

There were more voices discussing the matter, arguing back and forth. Kylo barely heard it. He’d fulfilled his purpose here. Hux had brought him here, not because he wanted him, but because he was another tool to be used in his pursuit of clout, of reputation and power. There was no denying this time that it made him feel discarded, used. For the first time, the thought crossed his mind that Hux had done what he’d done for clout with these people, instead of what Kylo thought it was about: because he loved him. If Hux had made him kill his own father just to score points with a group of people an ocean away… that he couldn’t take.

Kylo tuned in a little when an argument broke out. It appeared Hux had broken the news of Gordranos’ murder. Albrecht was beet-red with anger, people had drawn weapons, some had fled to another room. All of it seemed to be so much noise and thunder. None of it mattered to Kylo. He stumbled a few steps away so he was out of the way and slid down the wall.

He watched Hux while he was in his element, talking down Albrecht, playing person against person, ingratiating himself with some of them while betraying the rest. Kylo was unsurprised to see he was very good at it. He’d known for a long time that Hux was quite adept at pulling people’s strings. He spoke easily, he moved easily. Kylo couldn’t stop the little niggling sense in his head that Hux had brought him here just to make a point. Yet again, Hux had demonstrated that he had something beyond Kylo, interests that didn’t involve him. It didn’t escape his notice that if Hux succeeded tonight, he would be spending a lot more time out of the house, away from Kylo. He wished he could do something to keep him.

Not that it was his first priority, but he noticed when Gordranos fled the room. Hux shared a few words with Albrecht before nominating Phasma to chase after him. Phasma hustled out of the room with the tattooed doorwoman at her heels. None of this seemed to involve him, so Kylo tuned out.

After a time, Phasma returned, a splash of blood across her face. She clasped arms with the tattooed woman and returned to Hux and Albrecht with a smile. They shook hands, exchanged a few words. Kylo only responded when Hux came over and grabbed his arm and heaved him to his feet.

“Time to leave.” He said, dragging Kylo behind him.

They stopped outside on the sidewalk, Kylo hanging limp in his grip.

Hux clapped Phasma on the shoulder, smiling. “Incredible work, Phasma. We’re well on our way. I have to thank you.”

Phasma grinned. “You can if you’d like, but I have to say tonight was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Too much time spent hiding. Not my style.”

“Well, I commend you. It’s late, and I’d like to get back, but this is a good start. I think only bright days ahead. Good seeing you, Phasma. As always.” Hux said, looking almost normal.

“Likewise, boss. See you.” Phasma walked away without another word, head high, stance confident.

As Hux bundled Kylo into a taxi and directed the driver back to the hotel, Kylo couldn’t stop thinking about how Hux’s victory tonight only meant he would be taken farther away from Kylo. He couldn’t help but think of it as a loss. He wished there was something he could do, anything, to assure that Hux wouldn’t just leave him.

* * *

Rey checked the address on her scrap of paper over and over. She could only hope that it was the right one this time. It had been months since they’d been looking for Ben. This was the ninth real lead they’d found… no, the tenth. It was hard to keep track.

After a national manhunt for a few weeks and no sign of Hux or Ben, they had to concede that it was likely they’d left the country, which made it that much harder to track them down. Finding out that the identity of “Armitage Hux” only came into being fifteen years didn’t help. Not much was known about him, including where he was from. Good money was on Europe somewhere, but that wasn’t a sure thing. Unfortunately, they could really be anywhere in the world. Luckily, the likelihood that Hux would go back to the same line of work made it a lot easier. Criminals carried reputations. Reputations could be tracked. His cover had been uncovered once, it could be uncovered again.

Rey and Leia had landed in Dublin two weeks ago, tracking down three or four leads that seemed promising. So far, all they’d found was empty houses or big families with dogs and 2.5 children. No Ben. No Hux.

The address she had now was the last on their list. A years-empty house that belonged to a Brendol Huxley, reported being occupied again as of six months ago when Ben and Hux had disappeared off the face of the planet. A thin lead, but Rey wanted to cross everything off the list.

It was a gray, drizzly day, and she shoved her hands deep in the pockets of her jacket as she hurried down the streets of this unfamiliar Irish town. The months of fruitless search were starting to wear on her. In her darkest moments, she could admit to herself she wasn’t sure if they’d ever find Ben. She wouldn’t tell this to Leia, but her reserves of hope were at an all-time low. Leia was back at the hotel now, making calls and poring over research to find the next few leads. Rey had called her and told her she was going to check this place out and then head back. They had a flight to catch in the morning.

It was a quiet sort of neighborhood, stuffy and well-off. Rey kind of hated it. She preferred boisterous places full of life. This place made her feel out of place. She checked the address for the fiftieth time and walked up across the street from a sedate, ivy-covered brick house, dark and quiet. There was one car out front in the sheltered driveway. Tall walls blocked it from the neighbors’ view. Rey assessed it. She didn’t really expect to see a neon sign pointing down from the heavens that said _THIS IS IT_ or anything, but she didn’t think this place looked all that promising. It didn’t even look occupied. She pulled her jacket closer around her. Rainwater spilled down the back of her neck.

She was thinking of calling it a lost cause when the front door opened. She ducked out of sight and watched carefully until she could get a clock on the figure. They weren’t really visible until they made it out to the street. Rey’s blood ran cold as she saw the familiar neat red hair, the harsh lines of Hux. He looked perfectly at ease, coming out to the street to check the mail. He hadn’t noticed her.

Rey’s heart jumped up her throat. Her hand fell to the phone in her pocket. She knew what she had to do. She had to call Leia right away, and then the police. They’d take care of it. They’d arrest Hux, take him away. They could only hope Ben was in there.

Even as she had that thought, it went farther. The last time they’d found Hux, he’d managed to slip out of their grasp. She had no doubt that he could do it again. She thought about Ben somewhere in that house, about how upset and betrayed he would be if they tried to rip Hux away from him again. As much as she hated to admit it, maybe doing this by force wasn’t the best option. She could hear Leia’s firm voice in her head, telling her to do the right thing, the smart thing, call in the authorities, let them take care of it. Rey bit her lip, looking at her quarry in front of her after so long. She made a split-second decision. No. This was going to end. Today. She was getting her friend back, now, or she was going to die trying.

Before her better sense could talk her out of it, Rey stalked forward across the street. “Hey!” She shouted, getting Hux’s attention.

Hux turned around, and when he saw her, he stiffened. Immediately, his eyes jumped all over the street, expecting a SWAT team to bear down on him. When he didn’t see anyone in sight, he relaxed a little bit. He turned back to her, glacial eyes emotionless. “So you found me. A little more resourceful than I anticipated.” He said.

She squared off opposite him, trying to tamp down on her urge to deck him on sight. “You didn’t think we were just going to give up, did you?”

“I can tell you quite honestly I didn’t think about it one way or the other.” Hux said, voice dripping with contempt. “Well? Are you here to cart me away? Citizens’ arrest, is it? Because that worked so well for you last time.”

Rey clenched her fists. “No. I know that won’t work. I’m alone. Nobody else knows I’m here. I’m unarmed. You can check, if you’d like.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “How very… foolish of you. Consider my interest piqued. What do you want then?”

“I just want to see him. Talk to him. That’s all. See if he’s alright.” Rey said, holding herself back from bolting into the house.

Hux’s eyes narrowed, judging her sincerity. She knew he was just running through the likelihood that she was telling the truth, whether or not he could get away with killing her and dumping her body in a landfill without anyone knowing. This was a gamble she was willing to take. “You know, Kylo is quite a masochist, but I didn’t expect that you would be too.”

He saw the anger that flickered in her eyes and smirked. “It won’t change anything. You can’t change his mind. He already made his choice, and all you’re doing is causing yourself pain. I’m trying to do you a favor.”

Rey shrugged tightly. “Well, if you don’t think it will make a difference, then what would it hurt you?”

Hux looked at her for a long time. “Do you really think you can take him away from me?”

“I think I have to try.” Rey jutted her chin out and tried to convey confidence she didn’t feel.

Hux stepped aside after a long moment. “Well, by all means. Don’t let me stop you.” He smiled like a gracious host and beckoned her up the steps. She knew he was only letting her in because he was waiting for his chance to take her out. That was okay. She knew she would only have a few moments to get through to Ben. She was staking it all on the premise that there was a small shred of him still in there somewhere. She couldn’t just leave him there.

Hux led Rey down the quiet hallway to the combined dining room and kitchen. She kept on the lookout for any signs of something horrible. She didn’t know what she was expecting, exactly. Torture implements, bloody towels in the sink, something. It all looked neat and clean and _normal_.

Hux stood back, and then called out. “Kylo! Come down here! We have a guest!”

Promptly, footsteps sounded upstairs, a slow, slightly unsteady gait. Rey remembered his long-broken ankle and felt angry again. Kylo entered the room cautiously, the prospect of company not a welcome one. He looked worse than when she’d seen him last. The exhausted, traumatized circles around his eyes seemed to be a permanent addition to him. There was a dark purple bruise along his jaw, and one of his wrists was bandaged.

When he saw her, his eyes widened. He halted in place, but didn’t say anything. There was no relief in his eyes, nor, for that matter, anger. Just slightly panicked surprise. She could imagine new things were never good for him.

“Hey, Ben.” She smiled at him, even though she felt like anything but smiling.

Kylo’s eyes slid from her to Hux. He was asking for instruction as to how to act.

Hux waved one hand at Rey. “Well? Speak your piece. You’ve come such a long way to do it.”

Rey took a deep breath. She was so worried this wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was too late to change her mind. She’d decided on this path, and she would need to follow through. Her mind was racing. For this to work, she would need two things. One, she would need to incapacitate Hux somehow. She thought if it came right down to it, she was more than willing to kill him. She would be willing to bet that in a straight physical contest between the two, she would win. She had more training, and she wasn’t hampered by doubt like last time. Assuming Hux didn’t have a weapon on him (and given she’d surprised him in his home she was hoping he didn’t) they would be evenly-matched. She was willing to take the chance. Her best friend was more than worth the risk.

The second thing she needed was Ben’s cooperation. They’d already tried taking him by force. It hadn’t worked. It had only hardened him against them. In the struggle back and forth for Ben’s soul, what nobody appeared willing to do was let him make a choice for himself. Rey thought that if she forced Ben away from Hux again, no matter how well-intentioned they were, their attempt at rescue would ultimately fail. The only chance they had was on the barest hope that somewhere inside the traumatized shell of her friend was a small core that was tired of Hux, that against all odds had survived even after all this time.

“Are you doing okay?” She asked, not knowing how to start.

Kylo shrugged, still half-looking at Hux for a clue as how to act. His left hand came up to clasp his arm defensively, and she saw a silver ring on his finger. She looked at Hux and saw a matching one. Her blood boiled.

Hux just looked on, smiling, smug and comfortable in his superiority.

Rey decided to just cut to the chase. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. Ben, I miss you and I love you. I want you to come home with me.”

Hux laughed. Rey ignored him.

“I think you know deep down that Hux is bad for you. I think you know that he doesn’t really care about you. You might say otherwise, but I know you’re smarter than that. So I’m not going to waste my breath trying to convince you.” Rey said.

Kylo was silent, pale, stock-still staring at her.

Hux had the audacity to pick at his fingernails, as if this entire conversation was a waste of time he couldn’t even be bothered to pay attention to. “He’s not going to listen to you.” He said flippantly, absolutely unconcerned.

Kylo cleared his throat timidly after a long silence. “I belong here. You should go.”

Rey planted her feet. “I’m not leaving until you walk out that door with me.”

Long-buried pain flickered in Kylo’s eyes. “I can’t.” He croaked.

“Yes, you can.”

Kylo looked down at his feet. “My… my mom would never want me back after… after what I did.” His voice was strengthless, hopeless.

A lightbulb went on in Rey’s mind. Oh. He didn’t _know_. “Ben, your dad’s not dead. You didn’t kill him. The paramedics made it in time.”

Hux dropped the act, standing up straight. He looked at Kylo sharply, judging how he was going to take this.

To Rey’s dismay, it didn’t seem to make much of an impact. He shrugged listlessly. He didn’t believe her. Hux had told him otherwise, and that was the authority he was listening to.

“Ben, he’s alive. The wound was in and out. He’s been up and about for months now. He’s completely fine.” Rey said, hoping against hope that this was getting through, knowing by the blank look on his face that it wasn’t.

Hux had relaxed on seeing that Kylo hadn’t reacted to this bit of news. He sneered at Rey. “Nice try. I told Han Solo when I left him bleeding out on that floor and I’m telling you now. Kylo has chosen me. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”

Rey was too busy glaring back at Hux that neither of them noticed how Kylo’s head jerked back and how he was staring at Hux, face white.

“Is that true?” Kylo gasped.

Hux glanced over at him. “Yes, he was still alive when we left. Although I don’t see why that matters.”

Kylo’s mouth was opening and closing as if he were struggling for words. “Y-you – you told me he was dead.” He said. Shockingly, his voice held the barest trace of reproach in it.

Hux glanced over at Kylo, arrogantly unconcerned, as always. At the very end, he didn’t let doubt swamp him, even when he probably should have. “And? I don’t see why that matters.”

Kylo’s face was absolutely bloodless. His dark eyes were deep pools in his face. “You lied to me.” He whispered.

Hux shrugged. “So?”

It was like all the air went out of the room. Kylo made a curious, strangled sound. Both Rey and Hux looked at him in surprise. Something seemed to be happening to him. He was blinking rapidly, staring at Hux like he’d suddenly sloughed off his skin and become someone else. What seemed like anger kept rising in his face and then disappeared just as quick, only to cycle back around a few seconds later. His fists were clenched tight at his sides.

“You… lied to me,” Kylo repeated, sounding like he was wrestling with the very idea. “How – How – How…”

Hux looked a little more cautious, clued in to the fact that Kylo was having a stronger reaction to this than he’d anticipated. “We were in a hurry. I needed to get you out of that cabin before the police arrived.”

Kylo made that strangled sound again, like he was choking on his words. His eyes were fever-bright and trained on Hux. “But you… told me… he was dead…”

“You know what? Yes, I did. I lied to you, Kylo. What of it?” Hux snapped, voice a whipcrack.

This tone didn’t have the intended effect on Kylo. He didn’t flinch back or back down. He didn’t move an inch. “B-but I already said I w-wanted to come with you. I did what you wanted, I shot –” He swallowed with difficulty. “How… How could you lie to me?”

Rey didn’t understand why this was such a sticking point for him, but she didn’t dream of interrupting. While Hux seemed to have forgotten she was there, too focused on bringing Kylo back to heel, she began to inch carefully toward the kitchen counter and the knife block.

“Kylo, I-” Hux began, inching forward toward him.

Kylo interrupted him, seeming shocked at his own daring. “But you didn’t _need_ to. I was doing what you wanted anyway. I was already coming with you. You didn’t _need to_.”

Hux reached out for his arm, and Kylo pulled it back, shaking his head. His lips and voice were trembling. “W-what else did you lie about?”

“_Nothing_.” Hux insisted, frowning.

“Nothing?” Kylo said in a small voice. He was a taut line bending away from Hux, his arms crossed defensively.

Rey felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and she slammed her hand down on it before Hux noticed. She didn’t want to break his concentration. She’d almost made it to the knife block. Neither of them had noticed. She really wished she’d come armed, but she hadn’t been very prepared.

“Kylo, that’s enough of this.” Hux snapped, grabbing Kylo’s wrist tight. Kylo winced.

Kylo heaved in a hitching breath and blurted out the question he’d been saving up. “What about Clarence? Did she really run away? You said you didn’t know what happened to her, right?”

Rey faced the pair but reached behind her blindly, wrapping her fingers around a carving knife. She started to pull it out of the block.

Hux grit his teeth, clearly irritated now. “Oh, not this again. Why does it matter? The rabbit’s gone.”

Rey didn’t know who or what Clarence was, but it seemed to matter to Kylo, because he had two red spots on his face. There was a scary moment where the tip of the knife caught the edge of the block, and she almost knocked it over, but then it came free. She adjusted her grip on the handle so she was holding it squarely. She aimed her gaze at Hux’s back. She was going to put this monster out of his misery for good. She wasn’t waiting for anyone else to solve this problem. He’d broken her friend into pieces, and she wasn’t going to let him get away with it. It was that simple.

“Did she run off or not? That’s all I want to know. I don’t – I don’t really remember what happened. I need to know.” Kylo spat, voice getting a little hysterical.

Hux paused for just one second. “No. I found it in the back with its legs broken, so I tossed it in the pond. It would have been a waste of time to fix it. It would have been crippled for the rest of its short life.”

An emotion rose in Kylo’s face slowly, one that hadn’t shown its face in such a long, long time: rage. He twitched once and then started hammering his fists against Hux’s chest. Hux stumbled back in surprise. “_Why? Why would you do that?_”

Hux regained his composure pretty quickly. He slapped Kylo, hard. Kylo cried out and his head snapped to the side. When he looked back, his lip was busted, blood dripping down to his chin. Miraculously, the sudden violence hadn’t cowed him. He looked almost feral in his agitation.

Hux grabbed his chin in a bruising grip. “You are severely pissing me off, Kylo. If you’d like to spend the next week in severe pain, go ahead. Keep antagonizing me.”

Kylo tried to wrench his chin out of Hux’s grip, but Hux only tightened his fingers. Kylo brought up one loose fist to push against Hux’s chest. Hux grabbed that one and shoved him against the wall. Kylo struggled against his hold, heaving in breaths that were close to sobs. “You told me she ran away! You told me he died! What – what – what else did you lie about? How can I believe anything you told me?”

Hux shoved his head back so it cracked against the wall behind him. “You believe what I tell you. Nothing more, nothing less.” He hissed.

Kylo struggled futilely to get loose, screaming in frustration. It had been a long time since he’d fought like this. “Why can’t you just tell me the _truth_?” He cried.

Hux leaned in to crowd Kylo against the wall. “Whatever I say is the truth. My word is all you need.”

Kylo struggled weakly in his grip, tears in his eyes. For whatever reason, he appeared unable to let this one go.

Rey wasn’t going to wait any longer for them to work it out. She’d crept up behind the pair. Hux had his back to her. She had the knife angled up and she was ready to attack.

Kylo’s wild eyes flicked to the side and met hers. He saw her, he saw the knife and Hux’s back as an unprotected target. His mouth dropped open automatically to warn Hux, but then he froze. He didn’t say anything.

Rey didn’t waste her chance. With a cry of rage, she plunged the knife into Hux’s side. The blade glanced off his ribs and away from his heart, but she’d still done a fair amount of damage. Rey tripped from her own momentum and fell to the floor, the knife skittering a few feet away from her.

Hux howled, let go of Kylo, and fell onto the floor, his elbows breaking his fall. He barked hoarsely and started crawling forward.

Rey lunged for the knife and then army-crawled a few feet so she could stab Hux again, just below the collarbone. She kept missing his heart, but she was doing some damage. Hux growled and managed to grab her wrist before she pulled the knife back. They fought grimly over it, grappling on the floor.

Hux growled at her, eyes alit. He elbowed her square in the face. Her nose exploded in bright pain and blood flooded her mouth. She cried out, but even in her sudden pain managed not to let go of the knife. Her arm trembling, she managed to slash across his forearms, leaving two twin gashes that just barely missed an artery. Hux fell back with a cry, but managed to kick her back so they were a few feet apart.

The two of them panted for a few moments, Hux trying to get his feet under him and Rey trying not to choke on her own blood. They glared daggers at each other.

Kylo stood there while they fought, staring with an open mouth.

Hux had rolled over onto his back and was scooting back on the floor toward a floor-length cabinet that had heavy serving plates on display.

Rey, sensing victory, heaved herself up onto her knees and picked up the knife again, the handle now slippery with blood. She hurried forward as quickly as she could, half-blind with fury.

“He doesn’t belong to you.” She growled, advancing on the monster on the floor. “He doesn’t belong to anyone!”

That was all she got out. She was bringing her knife down again, this time aiming for his vulnerable throat when Hux got a handle on one of the heavy ceramic platters from the display. He rolled out of her way and swung the platter at her head. Rey had enough time to gasp in shock before pain rocketed across her mind and her consciousness tunneled to black.

Hux lay panting on the ground. The girl lay facedown on the ground, hair tangled in her face, some of it covered in blood. Broken pieces of the platter lay around her like a crown. She wasn’t dead, just unconscious, and he knew he should finish the job, but he was in such a bright pain it was hard to concentrate. He needed medical attention. He didn’t know if he could risk the hospital, but didn’t think Kylo would be capable of sewing him up. He’d already lost a lot of blood.

Speaking of Kylo. Hux rolled his head to the side, searching for him. The back door was open. Kylo had run out into the yard.

“Kylo!” He shouted, bursting into harsh coughing from his wounds. “Get back here!”

No response. Hux heaved himself up into a sitting position. He had a choice here. He could leave Kylo to it, drive himself to the hospital, and just hope that nobody had called the police. Even as he thought about this, something in him rebelled against it. No. Kylo had run away from him. Kylo didn’t get to run away from him. People didn’t leave him.

Hux heaved himself to his feet and lumbered after Kylo.

* * *

Kylo stumbled out of the house, breath wheezing in his ears. He hadn’t even seen the end of the fight. He didn’t want to see it. He knew what would happen. Hux would prevail, he would kill Rey, patch himself up, and then their life would go back to the way it was. For the first time in a long time, Kylo didn’t want the inevitable result.

His mind was racing over the revelations of the past few minutes. Han wasn’t dead. He hadn’t killed him. But more important than that, more important than _anything_, was the fact that Hux had lied to him.

Hux had lied. Not only once, but twice. Who knew how many more times it had happened that he wasn’t aware of. Rey hadn’t understood why this was so important, maybe even Hux didn’t know, but it was obvious to Kylo.

He had a scant few things to hang onto. The most important one was Hux’s word. What Hux said, went. That had been the case for as long as Kylo could remember. He had no choice but to believe what Hux told him, because his was the only word that he had. Hux had carefully engineered Kylo’s mistrust in his own ideas. Every time Kylo tried to do something of his own volition ended in punishment. Escaping, talking back, even smaller decisions. Kylo had been systematically conditioned out of trusting his own judgment, which left only Hux’s word. Everything that Hux had built rested on that essential kernel: what Hux said was true, what Hux said was right.

Despite everything else Hux had done to him, at its heart, Kylo’s bond to Hux was based in a twisted kind of trust. Hux had never been anything but honest from the very beginning. He’d told Kylo what he wanted from him at the very beginning, and that hadn’t changed. He’d laid out the rules and told him if he didn’t follow them, he’d be punished. He’d told him he wouldn’t force him into his bed, and that had been true. Hux told Kylo what to expect, and then followed through.

Being confronted with the proof of Hux lying changed that somehow, twisted it around in Kylo’s mind. All his assumptions of Hux trickled down from that. Hux loved him because he said so. Hux was doing the best thing for him because he said so. Evidence of a lie threw all of this in doubt. Hux had to be telling the truth, because otherwise, the things he said didn’t make any sense.

Kylo fled through the backyard, tearing open the back gate and running up the hill to the overlook Hux had taken him to on the first day. He just needed a second, a moment, to think. His mind raced in circles and circles and circles.

He was about halfway up the hill when he heard the crashing footsteps and shouting from Hux behind him. Kylo managed to ignore the order and keep going.

He emerged onto the top of the hill. The rain had picked up and was pelting heavy droplets at his face, soaking him through. He was still barefoot, and the slick grass was freezing.

Hux made his way up the hill and drew to a halt a few feet away, panting and heaving. Blood drenched his neck and torso. He looked gray and unsteady. “Kylo. Get back to the house, right now. I need to get patched up.”

Kylo didn’t answer. He was staring out over the hill at the town spread below them. He’d never realized how big the world was outside of Hux’s house.

“_Kylo_,” Hux snapped. “Now!”

Kylo turned around slowly. His hands were shaking. He had a thousand things to say. Words were jostling under his tongue and longing to be let out. “Why did you lie to me?” He asked.

Hux seemed surprised that he wasn’t immediately folding and coming back. “We’ll talk about it later. Let’s go.”

Kylo frowned. There was a flurry of activity in his chest. The frustration from the past few weeks cascaded over him. “We’ll talk about it now.”

Hux’s eyes widened. His jaw clenched in anger. “_Excuse_ me?”

Kylo held up his hand with the ring. “Like, like this! This is… it’s just… it’s confusing, it’s, it’s dishonest. You trained me to be your, your, _yours_, not, not… Now you’re telling people that we’re m-married or something, it doesn’t make any sense, it’s not right, you can’t have it both ways, I can’t be both, you – you can’t just dress me up in nice clothes and expect me to be a, a normal person all of a sudden, it’s not... it’s not _right_.”

Hux scowled. “I thought you would like it. You’re telling me you would rather I parade you around in a collar?”

“_Yes!_” Kylo cried. “At least, at least that was _honest_.”

Hux took a very long time to answer. He could tell this was a delicate moment, that the way he answered was crucial. “Things have changed, Kylo. There are other people I need to impress. Not everybody… understands… what we have.”

Kylo swayed back and forth. “Why not? What’s wrong with it?”

Now _that_ wasn’t a question Hux could answer honestly. Before he could, Kylo launched into another topic. He had finally gotten the chance to speak his mind, to get a few things off his chest, and he wasn’t wasting the opportunity. “And why should other people matter anyway? Aren’t I enough?”

Hux took a few steps toward Kylo. He had one hand pressed against his side, but it wasn’t doing anything to stop the blood soaking his side. He looked gray and unsteady. “I love you, Kylo, but there are other things I need to do with my life. I can’t just stay in the house all day with you.”

Kylo blinked a few times, frowned. “Why not? That’s what I do.”

Hux straightened up, anger in his eyes. He was losing patience with this conversation. “You belong to me, Kylo. I don’t belong to you. Now enough of this. I’m not talking about this anymore. We’re going back to the house, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

Hux stalked forward with one arm extended to grab Kylo. In the few seconds it took Hux to make it over to him, a few things went through Kylo’s head. The bitterness and anger he had been trying to hold at bay for weeks now rose up in him. Hux had taken everything, absolutely _everything_ from him. He hadn’t stopped at his freedom, at his body, his dignity, his mind, his father. Everything Kylo had was for Hux to take. Ultimately, Kylo thought the road would go both ways, that in the end, in his own way, Hux was his as well. If he wasn’t, then everything he’d gone through, the long, nightmarish two years with Hux were for nothing.

The next few seconds gained the hazy, slow qualities of a dream. Hux stalked forward to grab Kylo’s arm. Kylo stepped back from him, shaking his head, upset. He backed toward the edge, and Hux lunged forward to catch his arm before he could get away. Hux’s injury gave an almighty twinge, and he lost his footing on the slick grass. His feet went out from under him, and he fell over the edge. He screamed and grabbed at the slippery clods of grass, trying to pull himself back up. His mouth was a wide O of surprise.

Kylo fell to his knees and instinctively reached out for Hux.

Hux growled and spat, fighting tooth and nail to get back up on the ledge. “Kylo. Help me up. _Now_.”

Kylo paused with his hand outstretched. He was already going to help Hux up. He didn’t have to be scolded into it. Latent irritation rose up in him and he stopped.

Hux gasped as one of his hands slipped. He was now just holding on with the tips of the fingers on his right hand. He looked up at Kylo, and for the very first time in their relationship, Kylo saw an expression of uncertain pleading on his face. “Kylo. _Please_.”

Kylo stared down at his captor, his lover, his owner, and marveled at the swapping of their positions. Hux had _lied_ to him, had admitted that, after all he’d done and taken and broken and twisted him into, Kylo wasn’t enough for him. He belonged wholeheartedly to Hux, but Hux didn’t belong to him. After everything, after all his talk, Hux’s love was conditional. For the first time since he’d truly surrendered to Hux, the tiny, stifled voice of Ben rose up in his mind and spoke to him when he really needed it. _Let him go_, Ben whispered.

Hux’s fingers slipped. He looked up at Kylo, and he almost looked hurt. “_Kylo_?” He asked.

Kylo didn’t move.

Hux fell with a soft sound of shock.

The split second after Hux fell, Kylo twitched forward, regretted his inaction. “_Wait!_” He shouted, not sure who he was talking to.

There was a meaty thud from down below.

Kylo clapped one hand over his mouth, stared forward in horror. What had he _done_?

He stumbled to his feet and ran around to the slope, fighting through wet, mossy branches and heavy bushes. He fought to get back to Hux. Blind panic was bouncing around his mind. His breath wheezed out unsteadily.

Kylo made it to the bottom of the hill and followed it around to the base of the cliff where they’d been standing. Sharp, tumbled rocks jutted up to the gray, uncaring sky. So easy to break yourself on them.

Kylo gasped in horror when he caught sight of Hux’s broken body on the rocks ahead. He stumbled forward as fast as he could. “No, oh _no!_” He wailed.

He scrambled up to meet Hux. Hux was lying on his back on the rocks, body broken, covered in blood. Kylo was sick to see one of the bones of his arms was poking through the skin. He wasn’t quite dead yet, coughing wetly through his broken ribs, blood coating his mouth. He saw Kylo and his eyes darkened.

Kylo dove toward him, trying to cradle his head somehow without injuring him further. It was clear that Hux only had about a minute left. “Oh God, _Hux_, I’m so sorry, I’m so _sorry_, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t, I – I – Oh God, please don’t go don’t leave me.” He sobbed, cursing himself for what he’d decided in a split second to do.

Hux coughed up another lungful of blood. His awful face contorted with effort. He was trying to say something. His mostly-untouched left arm came up and grabbed the front of Kylo’s shirt, pulling him down so his ear was level with his mouth.

“You’ll… _always_… belong to me… Remember that. No matter – where you go, no matter who… tells you otherwise. You’ll always… be mine…”

Hux’s hand went slack, and his breath ceased.

Kylo stared down at Hux in shock. Every thought blew out of his mind at once. The tears which had been tracking down his face stopped. He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t feel happy, or relieved, or like a weight had been lifted. He felt _empty_. A dull guilt pounded away at the back of his mind. What was he supposed to do now?

It only took a split second to make a decision that had destroyed the entire life he’d spent so long delicately constructing.

Hux’s face was blank of expression, bloody, severe. A sharp pain daggered Kylo in the heart.

Kylo sat there with Hux’s body for a long, long time.

Eventually, when the grim day was darkening to dusk, Kylo stumbled to his feet. He was covered from the waist down in Hux’s blood, his hands tacky and red. Before he left, he’d eased Hux’s ring off his finger and slipped it into his pocket.

Kylo walked blindly back to the house. He wasn’t capable of coherent thought. Grief, guilt, regret, all of these things were in his future. For now, he just moved automatically back to the house like he’d been taught.

At long last, he was free, although he didn’t feel like it.

The only thought he could muster up was he would sit and wait in the house until someone came for him. That was about all he could handle. He’d just wait for someone else to decide what to do with him. Now that Hux was gone… his mind skittered away from the thought. It was too big, too monumental for him to even consider right now.

He wandered zombielike back down the hill, through the gate and the backyard and aimed his blank eyes toward the open door to the living room. He knew what he would find in there. Rey’s dead body on the floor. Silence. Cold. Emptiness.

He stepped inside. His mother was there, kneeling on the ground next to Rey and holding an ice pack to her head in worry. Rey looked woozy and out of it, but still alive.

Leia looked up at him, her face draining white when she saw all the blood. “Ben?” She cried.

Kylo stared at her. He was rocking back and forth where he stood. He thought he was going to collapse. “He’s dead.” He said tonelessly.

Uncomplicated relief flooded across Leia’s face. “Good.” She said firmly. She stood up carefully, advancing on him slowly, not wanting to scare him off.

Kylo didn’t know who he was anymore. His one reason for living was gone. There was nothing left for him.

Leia was looking at him in concern. She was here, even after what he’d done, even after everything he’d done to push her away. She’d said she wasn’t going to abandon him, and she’d kept her word.

Kylo trembled. “I don’t have anywhere to go.” He said softly. “Can I come home with you?”

Leia walked up to him and smoothed his tangled hair back from his forehead. “Of course, sweetheart.” She said, pulling him in for a tight, well-deserved hug.

Kylo hung limp in her grip. He felt the ring in his pocket, clenching his fist tight around it until the edges cut into his skin. Although most of his conscious thoughts were trying to shy away from the monumental horror of what he’d done, that small piece of Ben in him, the tiny, essential core that had been locked away but not entirely destroyed, felt like he deserved this moment of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is! I hope it was a satisfying ending. Hux, I love you, but you had to go. Now that all is said and done, I can say that the sequel will mainly focus on some well-earned, slow trauma recovery. If anyone has earned a fucking break and a therapist, it's our boy here.
> 
> If you were mainly in this for the awful shit, I love and support you. If you're not interested in recovery, feel free to bow out. I'm making it two separate sections so that you got a completed story. However, if you want to see Ben deal with some hefty PTSD and get some goddamn help, I will be posting the sequel soon! I'll probably get on my weekly posting schedule again starting in about two weeks. I need a bit of a break. This one took a lot out of me. (Also, as a sidenote, I've got a few other similarly-awful story ideas bouncing around my head for after I finish this series.)
> 
> If you're tuning in for the sequel or not, I want to give a huge, huge thank you to all of you who read, kudoed, and commented. For what is objectively such an awful story, you are all very kind and supportive <3 All your feedback really kept me motivated. This is by far the longest thing I have ever written. For what started as just a thinly-veiled excuse to have Kylo terrorized and tied up in various creative ways lmao, it really ballooned into this huge monster of a story. I appreciate each and every one of you :)


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